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I wanna know why I’m so dedicated to building the English Speaking Community. What’s the actual reason? To prove that I can do it? To prove that I’m smart enough to do it? To prove that I’m a consistent fool? To whom do I wanna prove it? To A? To various people with whom I shared this idea? To myself? To my mom? To whom? To god? To society? Maybe to my doctors? Oh!
I wanna renew my faith in people. For too long, I’ve been surrounded by books that taught me misanthropy, contempt, what else? Hatred? Well, hatred is just a sophisticated form of love. Okay, let’s say I wanna find truly remarkable individuals who are, like me, passionate about learning. The chances are low; I understand that. However, it’s not an objection that is gonna stop me from trying. Anyway, I wanna see if it’s possible to change one’s mind and thereby change one’s social environment. I can’t fully accept the idea that all people around me are bloody fools who want nothing but food, sex and money, fools who are ready to do something only if they are promised food, sex and money. Greatness, wisdom, glory are not serious baits nowadays. Do I wanna look great, wise and glorious? Do I want to be great, wise and glorious? And is the success in building the community going to make me so? I can focus on writing and reading without getting distracted for the rest of my life. Talking to people who neither understand you nor take any action to understand themselves—is it not distractive? Why do I need to train my mind that way?
Am I building the community to figure out that it’s impossible? To get a new frustration? To prepare the ground for abandoning society and diving into profound misanthropy? To have a reason to say, ‘I’ve tried’?
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