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Although I was very excited about the idea of writing a dialog based on my conversation with X, I did nothing to turn this idea into reality. Wow! How many words just to say, “I didn’t write a dialog.” What am I really doing? Am I building ESCK? Or learning how to write dialogs? Or studying poetry? Or making an English podcast? Or teaching English? Or working out and developing strong self-discipline? Or reading the greatest books and trying to figure out what’s going on in the world? Or studying myself, my actions, my conscience, whatever?
Okay, let’s put it this way: I’m studying English to apply it for all sorts of practical and theoretical purposes. My main goal now is to build a community that is gonna be the source of knowledge, passion, awareness and wisdom in the world. This is my external goal, something that defines my relationship with the world outside. Another main goal is to work on my language, health, strength, etc. I’m trying to avoid things that make me weaker and look for things that make me stronger. All the forms of self-expression, arts, literature, poetry, self-talk, conversations—are the means by which I’m reaching towards both goals. I’m learning how to use logic and intuition to be flexible, open to all kinds of marvelous, transformative, mystic, sublime, enlightening, aesthetic, phenomenal experiences without losing myself in any special, narrow activity, yet not scattering and smearing on the surface of countless dimensions.
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