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This girl is gonna make me insane! Is it her purpose to convince me that I’m an idiot? Before going to bed, I wrote her a few warm sentences. She replied that she loved me. Then she asked if I could stay for a while to chat with her. She told me that she wanted to save our relationship, wanted to believe in me again, hoped I would stop causing her too much suffering, etc. I didn’t want to argue with her, despite the fact that almost every sentence she wrote contained loaded language against me. I simply said that I was going to do my best. Later, I told her that my “English-self” makes me a different person. I said that when I start thinking in English, I completely immerse myself in my studies and don’t wanna do anything else. She told me about her needs and wishes, and I said that I wanted her to understand mine. I said I needed solitude, my English needed solitude. She responded with the question, “Do I not give you solitude?” I made a joke by saying that “now” she gave me solitude (she left to buy a house and is not gonna return until the next week). This made her mad. She said that I caused her as much pain as her ex, blamed me for her own stupidity, and added that she wanted to break our relationship as fast as possible. I answered, “As you wish.”
Now, I’m fed up with this. I don’t wanna talk to her. Perhaps, she’s gonna add something to what she wrote yesterday. I must be firm in my decision. No bloody talks! It doesn’t make any sense. I can’t change her. I don’t wanna be with her. I don’t wanna start every day with the question, “How can I improve this relationship?” and then regularly be told that I avoid taking responsibility, that I’m a child, that I don’t understand anything, etc. I failed. So what?
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