12809
Is it over? How many times was it “over” like that before? Okay, I don’t care. Let’s just describe what’s happening. I came to her at 22:00. We didn’t talk. She locked herself in the small room and engaged with her phone. I was writing questions for the next podcast. I also wrote about “purpose”, which is the topic of the upcoming speaking club. When she got in bed, she said “good night”. I didn’t respond, and soon we both fell asleep. In the morning, I left her apartment without talking to her.
I must admit that there are many things I can’t change which make me a terrible partner for her. One of these things is the lack of a stable job, which makes me unable to provide her with gifts, money, and all kinds of stuff that she “needs”. She believes that this is our main problem and ignores everything related to sex. She even says that she doesn’t want to have sex with me because of the feeling of insecurity triggered by financial problems. However, there is another problem, which I think is more important. The thing is that I can’t satisfy her in bed. After all these years of chastity mixed with health problems, my body can’t function properly. She says it’s all unimportant, but I can infer from her behavior that she lies. Perhaps, she lies unconsciously, since she could have even convinced herself that it was all unimportant. This problem didn’t occur though when we had sex regularly (June, July). Probably my wish to have a girlfriend, family, kids, etc. is not gonna be fulfilled. O, solitude my sweetest choice?
Back: http://proza.ru/2023/03/13/958
Forward: http://proza.ru/2023/03/15/1207