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She is cold, getting angry whenever I talk about anything related to money, her thoughts or her behavior. Today, she got upset when I interrupted her morning ritual of sitting in the bath and scrolling her foolphone. While I was washing my face and brushing teeth, she looked at her beloved rectangle with a detached countenance. Her habit of starting each day by making love with the foolphone is quite annoying to me. It makes me feel a kind of contempt toward her. I’m trying to be as tolerant as I can, always repressing this contempt in my mind by doing all sorts of rationalizations. Yet, it seems the contempt only gets stronger because of that.
Anyway, I was going to write about my 100-day commitment. I wanna learn to use it so that it may support my work. Now, it looks like I’m doing exactly the opposite. I compromise myself by showing all the weaknesses in my speech and body language. Besides, I complain too much about it. I have to learn to make these speeches strong. There has been a huge decline in my confidence since I started dating A. Now it feels as if I almost returned to the general state of mind I had when I just started practicing these English self-talks. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but her impact on me was quite strong. Since she refuses to pay attention to anything I do and doesn’t give a damn about my writing, I’m gradually losing self-confidence. Who the hell is gonna watch my videos and read me if even my girlfriend has no time for it? What am I doing wrong? Like, really, what? Holding the belief that I shouldn’t sell my talent to this or that moneybag? Being cynical? Being too good?
Back: http://proza.ru/2023/03/11/896
Forward: http://proza.ru/2023/03/13/958