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Now, the whole thing with this 100-day commitment starts working. There were many amazing thoughts crossing my mind throughout the day and most of them revolved around the idea of making the best speech. Especially at night, I had fascinating streams of consciousness, which I often regret I’m not able to record. I created different versions of imaginary speeches, a kind of brainstorm, to see how they were supposed to unfold, and for the most part, it brought lots of positive emotions. Perhaps I may say that the goal of this exercise, recording short speeches every day, is to learn how to get inspiration and energy from nothing but a mere talk. When I reach the point where these talks would not only satisfy me but also bring the feeling of joy, everything else will follow. I mean, it’s likely that then these videos are gonna attract enough attention to my youtube channel where I’m gonna be able to share and develop my ideas, interacting with people who have the actual potential to do what I’m doing and grow with me.
Yesterday, I read A’s diary with her. She thinks about breaking up our relationship after she moves to the South. Probably we have just a couple of weeks before it’s gonna be over. Although she wrote it in a moment when we had a conflict and changed her mind the following day, her behavior indicates that deep inside she’s already made this decision. The slavery is coming to an end. Soon, I’m gonna be free. It’s quite interesting to realize how easily I got under her influence and how hard it was to break this bondage. I think if it were necessary, I would be able to do it at any moment, but somehow I rationalized all of this, justifying my submissive role by the need to learn how to get rid of self-importance while dealing with petty tyrants.
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