Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом
Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone
Ианна Инна Бальзина-Бальзин
Eanna Inna Balzina-Balzin
"Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом "
http://proza.ru/2023/02/19/111
https://stihi.ru/2023/02/19/688
"Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone"
http://proza.ru/2023/02/19/113
https://stihi.ru/2023/02/19/692
diary, memoury, personal opinions
please not humans have limits a knowledges so mistakes as unknowlodge
a personal opinion, diary, emotions of 61 yo woman UK, British Citizen, another Ethnic
please treat as a personnel private confidential information , having a historical moments
of time 2019 - 2023 years in UK, in Europe, in world, the athour (me) as a usual symple ordinary
person has not any information as ust ordinary simple people UK, so, some opinions may have mistakes
of understanding or interpretation of a mentality another (Soviet Union, Latvian, Russian, Ukraine, British mix all shaked), the author had University Degree 1987 USSR time Pure Mathematics, so sort people may not well orientated out all this in a practical skills of life, knowledges, as they had 10 hours lectures to sit to listen to read symbols of Pure Mathematics for 5 years, their opinions not always correctly in sort understand others, as they study numbers, symbols, so, some type some sort practical disability vulnarable people, not able undertsand others, sort of some autists, some Professors of University and Scientists too.
But The Fundemental University Academic style of Education teached how to find work with the informational resources, plenty simple people work in their ordinary simple people lives with one opinion as their own mother, father, parent, guardian as a child, topping teachers, schoolfriends, University Education used the collection range of each all opinions, a wrong, right, correct or not first, to sort all collections ideas to short shortly shorter one. Hypotesa, opinions, teory, a proof of theory , etc, Science developing like this for centuries, this make people of this circle to think, to talk, to express themselves their way.
So, if some short chat talk
"John likes Mary"
"John like Mary, - he always looked at her for a long"
Looking may be this a right?
"Our Pyton Johnny like our Mary, - he always looked for her for a long".
Would this be a right? a correct? a truth?
So, a way to make lots possible hypoteses may have a sense
as scientists openned new things making technology.
Modern British Society has a loss of open public discussions,
shrinking to listen sounds of English language speeches just from TV screens or films in cinema.
All others patterns as a robot samples
- How do you?
- Well. And you?
- Good. And you?
- Fine. And you?
- As usual. And you?
- Not bad. So, and you?
So, a good idea just to sit down to write a letter or a diary,
some expressions of thoughts, emotions, skills, events,fantasies, fears, hopes
and a mark of a time pattern we all living.
I am not a clever girl.
If I would be a clever girl, - I would be a rich.
Of I am just unlucky girl? as to be a rich, - to have a luck for this all?
Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом
Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone
Wed 2/15/2023 21:45
I, Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone, so I was deceived - here Oleg Khromov is not you. eyes like yours
Я, Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом так что обманывалась - тут Олег Хромов не ты. глаза как твои
Я, Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом, так, что обманывалась
- тут Олег Хромов не ты. глаза как твои. так похожи.
наверное генетически родственники были
по линии твоего папы - папиного папы.
http://proza.ru/2018/12/27/726
---------------------- XXXXXXX----------------------------
1957 год
Евгений Евтушенко
Б. Ахмадулиной
Со мною вот что происходит…
Со мною вот что происходит:
ко мне мой старый друг не ходит,
а ходят в мелкой суете
разнообразные не те.
И он
не с теми ходит где-то
и тоже понимает это,
и наш раздор необъясним,
и оба мучимся мы с ним.
Со мною вот что происходит:
совсем не та ко мне приходит,
мне руки на плечи кладёт
и у другой меня крадёт.
А той -
скажите, бога ради,
кому на плечи руки класть?
Та,
у которой я украден,
в отместку тоже станет красть.
Не сразу этим же ответит,
а будет жить с собой в борьбе
и неосознанно наметит
кого-то дальнего себе.
О, сколько
нервных
и недужных,
ненужных связей,
дружб ненужных!
Куда от этого я денусь?!
О, кто-нибудь,
приди,
нарушь
чужих людей соединённость
и разобщённость
близких душ!
1957 г.
----------------------xxxxxxxx-------------------------
Wed 2/15/2023 21:45
I, Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone, so I was deceived - here Oleg Khromov is not you. eyes like yours
I, Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone, so that I was deceived
- Oleg Khromov is not you here. eyes like yours. so similar.
probably genetically relatives were
on the line of your dad - dad's dad.
http://proza.ru/2018/12/27/726
--------------------------- xxxxx---------------
A poem, song
1957 year
Poem By
Yevgeny Yevtushenko
(Dedicated to Bella Akhmadulina)
Here is the story of my grievance:
I miss my dear old friend’s visits,
In pointless vanity, I get
A strange variety instead.
And he
somewhere roams with strangers,
And I am sure he understands this,
And our discord we can’t explain,
We both continue with this pain.
Here is the story of my grievance:
She’s not the one I want to be with,
Onto my chest she puts her hands
And from the other one kidnaps.
And to that other one –
somebody,
Please tell whose chest to put hands on!
She,
one from whom I have been stolen,
Will go on stealing in return.
She won’t be prompt in her responses,
She’ll live in struggle for a while,
And vaguely pick in her subconscious
A distant stranger to beguile.
Oh, count all ailing,
discontented,
Unneeded ties,
friends unintended!
God knows I am exasperated!
Oh, someone please,
arrive,
disrupt
The long unitedness
of strangers
And closest souls’
long break-up!
1957 year
Yevgeny Yevtushenko
* Poem Dedicated to Bella Akhmadulina
*** I am deeply indebted to Vera Mann for offering some of the lines in this translation.
Translated January 2011
---------------------- XXXXXXX----------------------------
Oleg Hromov died (a grave in a cemetery in a Moscow), a singer
his eyes on his child photo similar to Kate's eyes some age group
just rest of his face not some.
may be Sergey's Dad's some relatives via Tambov - Saint Peterburg-Moscow
I had a photo me and a ghost years years back
I sang this song On the white white cover of January.
O mean I saw missed Kate all times as her mother
and no child no child
i had a huge collections faces compare to Kate similarity proportions.
I was looked for Kate each day, walking, in Internet in case some photo would with my Kate
some for Naz (Starting from Naz be Stasy), each whom I met know.
This gaps of a time out meetings
Когда из дальних, дальних стран
Вернётся он домой.
Узнает ли во мне самой
Узнает ли меня?
This was a reason I had a confusing in face recognision
i have a trouble to recognise you = you
so I asked to make DNA tests to find a real truth
as you=not you as my children
I have a questions
WHERE ARE MY CHILDREN? GRANDCHILDREN?
ARE THEY ALIVE? LIVING? DIED? IF SO, WHERE THEIR GRAVES, WHEN?
I had not money and wish too to a private detictive investigation to me
to find each my child, grandchild (not to follow, to know their destinies all right, were how).
If someone replaced as actors, colleges, any, i had nothing negative here to accept any to adapt.
But this your choice of a gap distances ruined my live a lot
as a mother not knowing a home address, are you alive or not.
Plenty times I was new to strongest depression which may harm broken me to end my life
as to mother having loss children, grandchildren, not ale to help any, or just to coddle.
I feel so strange I visited each was fine
collapsed deeply soon David and Kate bought their 1st property in UK
strange David had not informed me mother nearest Kate's relative she was in a hospital.
strange as this silinece habit would push away any in case any troubles with Kate
any may replaced Kate as her face proportions common
as Kate put her own savings, partners shared 50 - 50 and to push each relative away
means to collect all on own what my father did my mother died -he pushed me away
and he said me after he will leave nothing, so he did collected my mother heritage to her children and me to own property and away children of his wife and him after.
Naz, Stacy, knew the home address Kate.
But a point was I stopped recognise Naz in Stacy.
Some visits shouts on me was not by Anastasia Naz but Stacy looked not my own biological daughter-actpr replaced
so
this was WHY i started to worry
replaced Kate 1st - Naz-Stacy knew home address
replaced Naz 2nd
I came to Naz - Stacy plenty private files papers in folders were outside of home on the street = so=free to look any curious comming. But I had not checked any not touched any as MY CURTSY RESPECT OF A PRIVATE LIVES WISHES MY BOTH DAUGHTERS ADULTS == I just sat down, crying in tears, no one was inside, so strange as Anastasia Naz Stacy NEVER put private papers folders OUTSIDE HOME this looked as when someone DIED, -people cleaned property taken all not theirs OUT, to bins.
I would paid money to a private detictive to check all papers not myself for addresses and if they all alive living died, just i had not money as a low income.
this is bad to play such things with own mother, I am a alive living person.
I respected privacy. I had not checked Stacy's Naz's Kate's property my visits as MOTHER, i used facility, had a rest, if welcome to sit watch TV, rinking cup of tea.
I was thinking Kate's health was damaged he tried to hide from me, and Naz's too, or still somethings.
I had a visit to me and a fince friendly chat, next day i travel to leave presents no one was, i called Naz's Stacy's and her speech text had not connected to her our meeting just day before as a friendly polite -she said me on a beach in UK family resting holidays weekend out, she said me we had split argue a lot? = compare to a friendly polite calm nice visit chat no one uncomfortable for both words was? this was as to name the white dirty black, the love as a hateness. I mean a lie. Or there were two-Naz and Stacy, one my native daughter, one actor replaced her, visiting me
Replaced Kate, Replaced Naz-Stacy, and this was as some attempt when I asked to replace me, to blame me in something, to mental ill, to close me so to stop any information from me
Kate had similar this in phone strange thing in past: her Internet bomile all frozen shrinking info from her=Kate had not said me her address she was-a home adrress too or another.
I tried to ask and I lived alone one
I afraid my both daughters may kept somewhere closed making medical experiences, experience-this info was that UK used medical experiences and experiences on humans, soldiers, mental ill, alone one, low income, migrants, foreigners (no relatives to check to fight) .
This vaccinaction was obligations now the company said their vaccines had not been tested while sold obligated to use on Britons. -this name I had myself twice. as no responsibility any making orders ruined UK economy was.
I do afraid this way I do not trust whom I named Nazi or Faschists ruined laws replaced by instructions, orders, etc, making fears empty streets UK, empty buses UK
Kate was over-patriotic I talked with her and Stacy too used to talk with me as some British Officials on duty instructions orders not as native children talk with respect own mother her needs.
On that meeting I saw "Stacy" knew well in face names whom was here as "more closed friend" righter own mother. They tried ignored my ask my wish my opinions - this so dangerous as a lamb look butchers ready to kill, they tried ignored my opinion to NAME (not Medical Psyhiators ) a mental ill to close me and any information. I refused leaved, blamed to have my own choice. This was a betray own mother or actors replaced put me away on own tasks goals.
Some photos in Internet put a look humans, females, kept naked in caves for dogs, chickens, males rapped them, some said this as underground, all kept as chicken in case, no human rights, no respect, the some was feelings of attitude "Stacy" and "unknow" tried me would signed a paper making them right taking my humans rights, this was as to talk with a deaf in power people used liked a force as paid well.
Prior this, Stacy had a paper some medical problems in her family members, related to me with full refuse me to say-what medical problems? so, this push me was as attempt to hide information or to make Mum's meat organs sale for money as she had said needed money. I mean she damaged me that time emotionally, as type of hunters on humans by a force to switch human rights by blames plays. I had refused to sit down in her car she shouted at me. She said me not visit them as i refused to follow HER (DAUGHTER's ?? ACTOR PLAYING? OFFICIALS UK?) orders???) I mean I had a loss my trust so as both acted some directions and both had not been recognising me as my daughters, I asked ID prrof names they would be my daughters and one closed down a booked visit me straight.
I do not checked ID of visitors if they acted friendly way, so I just communicated.
I do not know where my children what how last photo we all together summer 2014, all grandchildrem children, ex-husband =their biological father. WE had lots family photos all stopped since 2014
still one Kate and me in a plane Feb 2017/ Kate had a fear of plane, that time, for some reasons, I shared Kate's trip stay together in plane and we shared ev in local pub too.
web sides named names of my daughters had not photos them with me their mother - with others or their father's 2nd wife or others. If to see photos they send me no me was as me would be a died.
I do not want disturb lives others adults as just to provide me the information, regarding their health, safety, alive or died - no traces Kates in censures archieves, phone address book, votes book, they clear all which strange a lot.
Plenty people like a privacy, we all and me accepted.
I just wants if my children grandchilren existing alive living if not where their graves me to visit me to pray. I hope they all living alive
I afraid some might damaged their brains, to beatme-i was a victim of domsetic violance under physical attacks, and to hide to cover own faults or crime making a performance game play with actors, to cover some illegal things, so, all these pushed me with shouts to keep away me or worse.
But as I am still living alive existing here, I do confirm the strange changes habits attitude making distances with a following I am not able confirm anything regarding my closed family members children, grandchildren, naming them all "MISSED"
Kate, Stacy, Emily, Louis, my closed biological family members "MISSED"
some playing be them I can not confirm whom are they are, their goals, tasks, they may COVER the absence or cover some crime or events
"Stacy" changed to be a rude not listen my opinions
both said (they -not0whom played them) they hate me their mother.
"I hate you, mum!"? -this was said to me in the past
One reason they blamed me as a reason of hate - I contacted to a police, which sounding strange for British woman, British girls. Kate was air cadet, true-British small patriot UK . Her school-class mate served in British Police, Kate liked said warm nice words respect support proudness. And a fear of contacts with police and blames me in contact with a police? while British Police Officers saved my life in Feb 2001, we moved to Lincoln Women Refugees Centre as I was a victim of domestic violance attacks, this was as a Miracle, I had not one in UK, no one in UK< no relatives, no friends, a mother with two. They saved me, as a man had a mental illness break starting to attack females before and me, he was not able to stop, so, this break had saved lives destinies each. In any hard life situation just a police may help or if not we live in a wrong place country. I am thankful to our British Police, I shared my somethings as what I may have. They all so perfect looking in uniforms. Much too hard work, so my fight for rights for early pension for me some fight for any.
I mean I have fears some replaced my children trying to closed my mouth or to hide myself to cover themselves and what where my closed relatives.
Kate, David, Naz (Stacy), Steve, Emily, Louis all said me by phone they had Coronavirus in 2019 -2022 years and after it was this gap distance no knowing locations making me so worry a lot, asking to check DNA, too.
I afraid they might be forced taken on medical experiences, some said this way happen in UK. I afraid so, some hate another Ethnic decendents making this.
me in my 36 yo 18th April 2023. My DNA tests existing
me in my 40 yo on my birthday 8th July 2001, in local Netto photos
My British passport. My face may look slimmer younger, some, or older with black shades near eyes (kidneys problems, heart problem pain time, tiredness) or younger, my hairs may be from bold to middle to long and any colour wings, I liked blond wings and historical themes wings, using i was in pub (with Sy). any style haircuts like this my own haircut by me myself last years.
David Jones and my daughter Kate Scotford, October 26, 2012, engaged.
I saw David Jones in 2021 - 2022 visit
I was not able to recognise a woman with him as "Kate", she looked different, not Kate's height, smaller height.
But i had not offended, not asked questions, tried to welcome, shared a dinner.
David has his twin-brother, I never so, not able to say saw, but I think this was David
If that woman with David his visit was Kate Scotford, my daughter - I was not able to fully recognize this,
needed much more times, or a shared swimming pool sessions.
Some another visit was a man, I could not recognise as David Jones,
but a woman with him looked more as probably Kate,
I was not able fully recognise
= When I had a stress, shock worries , i had a time "to be a blind" in face recognising.
This started 1st time I was ~17-18-20-21 , Americans USA tourists visited USSR,
i saw them as a much too bright trembling waves without heads just brights suits first
this shocked me
and after a time I calm down started to see faces, eyes.
Some was in a meeting with a poet Evtushenko in a big hall,
he weared a red suit - I saw a red suit no head face of a poet first,
this was USSR time I was 17-18-19-20.
He shocked as much too bright red loud voice and a famous poet
and I shocked see him no head just red suits first for a while.
after a while I started to look his human head, face.
So, I might had a loss of recognising my own children
as I was over-shocked excited worried not any meetings for a long long times with worries.
They make always a short visit and left.
I never look faces as a delicaticy shame habits to value a private life each
and as some said me this making discomfort.
So, if these were my own children visited me, i had not fully recognised so
whom they were being to me.
Kate 1 looked s Kate, I recognised "my own daughter"
Kate 2 had not Kate's height was smaller height , one Kate 2 was slimmer thin, another as Kate 2 fater of 1st, well feeded
Kate 4 looked as a slim male man no bra
Kate 5 neck was a long long longer Kate's as "Swan Neck" or "Ballet Dancer Neck", or a suncide on neck making longer === but I do recognised this Kate while so different as my own native daughter. She cried in tears
Kate 6 was smaller, shot neck
I coddled welcome each any visitor to me as "Kate" similarity look or Kate herself
while some visits me I confused not fully recognising, Kate or not Kate.
I had saw Kate face look, shapes body in any walker, man or women, boys or girls, as I tried to find her
some walkers making me sometime to see if this was Kate? or not Kate?
I walked fast to see faces. This was not Kate. Later I stopped to do this.
Kate should know where her mother lives, home address some she visited me,
if she do not remember - i contacted to police and DNA tests company emails
just to do DNA tests to compare to find Mum if Mum los
if she had a memory loss my name and address.
Buses tickets asked people to talk if any missed their relatives or themselves.
I had not wanted to harm any providing me support
just I want know a destiny my children, grandchildren
we stayed all together
they travelled in holidays abroad a lots
they stopped visit me or invite me after the returned back from abroad
this making a possibility of replacement British Nationals, British Citizens UK
by some professionals team actors possibility.
This is a dangerous as each came inside UK if replaced ...
They shouted on me "I hate you!" and some not nice things .
I do not know if this were my children in some life breaks moments
or this was not them.
Just they may replace any and our British PM Boris Johnson holidays trips abroad
a lot, some without security on own, and we may have troubles after
seen common famous British Politics UK faces,
but would they or not they, we all do not know this.
I picked so my own daughters choices as adults
any to see not to see me
as they both may have some my problems in face recognising in a stress shock situation.
if so, I put their own choices to do what how they feel better to them.
Naz or Stacy said she could not see me for a longer, making bad.
But relatives like to see faces as a comfortable known relatives native.
We named Anastasia as Naz always. Naz, Naz Naz, replaced to Stacy, which nice just
why this change Naz to Stacy if this because no any Naz existing my daughter?
some Stacy named picked this?
or some life changes older age more comfort to use a common names Stacy righter uncommon Naz?
New "Stacy" never kept long visists chats. The Mistery Mystic woman, tired a lot.
But one day "Stacy" looked as a man, male. I left, shocking if this was a male or I had a problem in recognising,
so I asked DNA test , "Stacy" refused. Any adult has rights choices to another adult to accept this. I just returned to this theme occationally, explaining this would help me to realise my recognising faces problems if I have or not,
as if Stacy - my biological child 50% and I was not able recognise this, I would saw DNA compare tests I did and results.
I offered to pay to add where my tests results
But all this problems really as the stress , shock, missing absence of closed relatives,
we stopped our long family meeting shared time
in parks, swimming pools, pubs, homes, cinema films looking, theatre perfomances attended.
any person in a stress shock may see different too.
I would not put this to public afraiding to damage any
but as whom i had not recognised fully
not show me their ID name surname DOB whom
tried to act forcing me and blaming me
I marked this style way a loss of respect other adult humans right, individual choices
while one adult had own individul optinions
I mean this way be killed replaced or forced on medical experiences etc
i had not felt this right way
plenty Britons adults owed own properties, had own savings, etc, this style
put any 50+ as "mental dissability idiots" "as over 50" as style.
This is not UK, not British Laws.
Some criminals groups trying to harm people in age.
As "Stacy" looked as "known well friend" in Ashfield District Council
meeting I applied 1st to Palmer, 3 but they said they gave Council property
to 50+ just on their own rules to agree their rules
which I had not accepted
closed themes.
What I saw I felt as a dangerous.
If we install this in UK, plenty people committed a suincide to fight own private personnel spaces
as much youngers in power ruined British Laws.
They tried to present any 50+ "as a mental ill needed electronic device searching " as animals in Zoo cells
as civilians as prisoners no choices.
I worked as a Care Assistant 1998 - 1999 and in 2014.
2014 year rules put the obligations to have a respect of individual choices of any each age.
This some in Laws.
"Stacy" had not been my native biological daughter, so
and Naz worked before on office work they learned rules respect others in UK
as British Laws.
This I do not know whom tried to force me "as some in power said" "or own needs so task".
This is NOT your child if this child followed Hitler Nazi Faschists Rules, not listened own parents?
"You must to go to die as our Adolph Hitler said to kill all mental ill, dissabilities, homosexual men and Jews!"
My OWN children do not needed them, we surviving shared food, loans money, to lost this harder survive,
we helped each.
They said me I offended them, helped free housekeeping, gardening, and one day i asked 5 pounds if this posible
as i spent my saving to buy a cleaning staff and bus tickets. This was a mistake, doors of home closed down to me be unwelcomed any more, - "you helped said free, after you blamed us for this your free help!"? "still asked money!"?
Yes, i liked help free as i tried to keep them as a happy family.
They changed to me I asked if some place as utility room to stay?
I would looked for home, children, making "Naz" "Stacy" time to work more hours?
And they closed doors to me, "Unwanted any more" "Not come to us".
My grandchildren wanted
But not their parents and so
Emily cleaned her room i aviced waited me
Stacy was rude on me to leave not stay out not come
Stacy tried to keep Emily and Louis not having own grandparents
Stacy used to take Emily and Louis to meet not closed family party
I reported to a police to check this, so, as much too strange was.
They closed doors to me to come see any.
British Laws defend rights of biological parents to see a child
not rights of grandparents to see visit own grandchildren.
I mean, parents grew own children, having after spending time money life
back return unneeded out unwanted not come.
The Queen Elizabeth II had some problem pain I had
some play forcing games trading no ability see visit own great grandchildren.
This was a painful, I think, some for me was painful sore.
"Or you do as I said to you or you out to see own grandchildren - great grandchildren!"
This style was on me.
I decided not to be upset as this steps to depressions and suincide as they tried to kill me.
I decided not give up down, stay praying as our life is a gift of my parents, grandparents in generations,
and Our God Creaters. I prayed a lot, so.
I stopped worry, having my own life, hobbies.
I was stayed confident, doing all on my own, solved all problems.
Suddenly "Stacy" said me to move out a rented property "or your Landlord in age 85 will died
and theirs put you out, sold this property".
No such words was to me from Landlord.
My Landlord respect me a regular 9 years monthly paying tenant.
In any case, his Indian Ethnic family looking nice friendly people, lots girls, women,
so they may respect me as another Ethnic woman too, still in age,
including me 9 years paying a rent monthly regular,
too.
I liked to stay here.
I will sent any way, as I respect my work handwriting a lot here and all on English
foreign language to me in use since my 36 yo age.
25 years in UK had improved me in English.
I was not able to say or write like this before, confusing a foreign language use.
I am a good this. I pray each any all all were good, I pray for each be happy, be good,
regards
I add a police as I am their local.
I have British Citizen and British passport not having any more else.
May be Russia had some program accepting ex-Soviet Citizens UK
to return back to Russia?
I know Russian Laws not be able to apply Russian state pensions for 15 years return back
in Russia, making my pension age in Russia 61 + 15 = 76 years.
But I feel JCP as hunters on 61+ and my another Russian Ethnic worry me a lot,
I dissagree British inhabitants taxpayers Russian Citizens living in UK
they spent a lot for British visas, plenty rent/bought properties bussiness in UK
making income life in UK, trusting UK, their taxes as taxpayers came to British Budget UK,
each has right for 2nd British Citizenship - British passport after 5 years living here in UK,
some might applied or had, and these ruined lives be blamed for Russian Politics
on heads Russians spent money life income in UK looked similar
"Germany just to Germans!"
"Jewish shops, flats, property came be the property of Hitler Faschists regimes Germany property!"
Lots people we never able change anything, anything.
Russian Citizens trusted British stability in economics, they moved out Russia so they felt be
pro-British, loyal pro-British, left savings in British Banks, lots taxes to British budget UK,
making pensions, benefits, wages.
I mean so pity this was emotional moral financial loss of a private loyal to UK families.
The State used to beat smallest for things done not theirs.
The richest family are tender sensitive vulnarable too, not any would be so evil
and if so, I would prefer The British Court Jurges named reasons as some criminals in UK
and extraction so under British Laws.
As if these some criminals from Russia here in UK,
any easy accept this named, their properties money taken leaved base surviving "pillows" what Laws put.
But there are a juridical not nice moment,
if some criminals in UK,
but not "Ethnic Group" which huge plenty different people to blame.
No one simple ordinary person any country state may do changes.
UK state had not blamed USA Citizens while plenty felt a pain what was wars.
Syria, bombed by any side of the conflict would be the some Ukraine look,
locals are locals and bombs of any fighting side are bombs the some.
UK should blame UK to ruin USSR when Ukraine was not bombed,
Ukraine owed Crimia.
In my personnel opinion hypotesa,
may be ruins USSR
similar 2014 Maidan Revolution in Ukraine
what was as the excuse task 1
to start task 2
a genocide of locals as Soviet Union Citizens and their decendents in Ukraine.
Look, while Ukraine was inside USSR we saw May 1945 - 1991
Ukraine 2014 - 2023 = Ukraine out USSR
men fighted "politically opponnents" =plenty locals civilians lie down died, wounded.
This looked as some plan or something.
I do remember UK, Great Britain was so nice country, be happy proud to stay to live here.
When so hard to me, I remember these greens hills
I so liked to walk around.
Regards,
Miss Eanna Inna Balzina-Balzin
Miss Eanna Inna Balzina-Balzin
Ианна Инна Бальзина-Бальзин. 61 год. из Великобритании, Англии, Ноттингемшире
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A poem, song
1957 year
Poem By
Yevgeny Yevtushenko
(Dedicated to Bella Akhmadulina)
Here is the story of my grievance:
I miss my dear old friend’s visits,
In pointless vanity, I get
A strange variety instead.
And he
somewhere roams with strangers,
And I am sure he understands this,
And our discord we can’t explain,
We both continue with this pain.
Here is the story of my grievance:
She’s not the one I want to be with,
Onto my chest she puts her hands
And from the other one kidnaps.
And to that other one –
somebody,
Please tell whose chest to put hands on!
She,
one from whom I have been stolen,
Will go on stealing in return.
She won’t be prompt in her responses,
She’ll live in struggle for a while,
And vaguely pick in her subconscious
A distant stranger to beguile.
Oh, count all ailing,
discontented,
Unneeded ties,
friends unintended!
God knows I am exasperated!
Oh, someone please,
arrive,
disrupt
The long unitedness
of strangers
And closest souls’
long break-up!
1957 year
Yevgeny Yevtushenko
* Poem Dedicated to Bella Akhmadulina
*** I am deeply indebted to Vera Mann for offering some of the lines in this translation.
Translated January 2011
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1957год
Евгений Евтушенко
Б. Ахмадулиной
Со мною вот что происходит…
Со мною вот что происходит:
ко мне мой старый друг не ходит,
а ходят в мелкой суете
разнообразные не те.
И он
не с теми ходит где-то
и тоже понимает это,
и наш раздор необъясним,
и оба мучимся мы с ним.
Со мною вот что происходит:
совсем не та ко мне приходит,
мне руки на плечи кладёт
и у другой меня крадёт.
А той -
скажите, бога ради,
кому на плечи руки класть?
Та,
у которой я украден,
в отместку тоже станет красть.
Не сразу этим же ответит,
а будет жить с собой в борьбе
и неосознанно наметит
кого-то дальнего себе.
О, сколько
нервных
и недужных,
ненужных связей,
дружб ненужных!
Куда от этого я денусь?!
О, кто-нибудь,
приди,
нарушь
чужих людей соединённость
и разобщённость
близких душ!
1957 г.
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Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом
Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone
Ианна Инна Бальзина-Бальзин
Eanna Inna Balzina-Balzin
"Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом "
"Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone"
diary, memoury, personal opinions
please not humans have limits a knowledges so mistakes as unknowlodge
a personal opinion, diary, emotions of 61 yo woman UK, British Citizen, another Ethnic
please treat as a personnel private confidential information , having a historical moments
of time 2019 - 2023 years in UK, in Europe, in world, the athour (me) as a usual symple ordinary
person has not any information as ust ordinary simple people UK, so, some opinions may have mistakes
of understanding or interpretation of a mentality another (Soviet Union, Latvian, Russian, Ukraine, British mix all shaked), the author had University Degree 1987 USSR time Pure Mathematics, so sort people may not well orientated out all this in a practical skills of life, knowledges, as they had 10 hours lectures to sit to listen to read symbols of Pure Mathematics for 5 years, their opinions not always correctly in sort understand others, as they study numbers, symbols, so, some type some sort practical disability vulnarable people, not able undertsand others, sort of some autists, some Professors of University and Scientists too.
But The Fundemental University Academic style of Education teached how to find work with the informational resources, plenty simple people work in their ordinary simple people lives with one opinion as their own mother, father, parent, guardian as a child, topping teachers, schoolfriends, University Education used the collection range of each all opinions, a wrong, right, correct or not first, to sort all collections ideas to short shortly shorter one. Hypotesa, opinions, teory, a proof of theory , etc, Science developing like this for centuries, this make people of this circle to think, to talk, to express themselves their way.
So, if some short chat talk
"John likes Mary"
"John like Mary, - he always looked at her for a long"
Looking may be this a right?
"Our Pyton Johnny like our Mary, - he always looked for her for a long".
Would this be a right? a correct? a truth?
So, a way to make lots possible hypoteses may have a sense
as scientists openned new things making technology.
Modern British Society has a loss of open public discussions,
shrinking to listen sounds of English language speeches just from TV screens or films in cinema.
All others patterns as a robot samples
- How do you?
- Well. And you?
- Good. And you?
- Fine. And you?
- As usual. And you?
- Not bad. So, and you?
So, a good idea just to sit down to write a letter or a diary,
some expressions of thoughts, emotions, skills, events,fantasies, fears, hopes
and a mark of a time pattern we all living.
I am not a clever girl.
If I would be a clever girl, - I would be a rich.
Of I am just unlucky girl? as to be a rich, - to have a luck for this all?
Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом
Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone
Ианна Инна Бальзина-Бальзин
Eanna Inna Balzina-Balzin
"Катя, твои глаза ты везде чудились в каждом "
http://proza.ru/2023/02/19/111
https://stihi.ru/2023/02/19/688
"Katya, your eyes, you seemed everywhere in everyone"
http://proza.ru/2023/02/19/113
https://stihi.ru/2023/02/19/692