26 LKS ELISA 1
8:12 am James had a small episode this morning, having listened to the ego-machine that told him that “others got more than you”. He started that, and Lady Anne yelled at him and reminded him that dancing to the tune of the dumb machine leads to pain - emotional and physical.
Granted, Kellspell does not give s damn about himself, but now that he is JamesKrotkieHenry Amalgamated, with underage H.M., and more omegas than he can count, he withdrew from his desire to shoot at photographs of “more successful people”, not to hurt his family.
Which could not be said about me.
But no one knows what I think. James knows, if I spend too much time too close to him. But then I pull away, as soon as I feel him penetrating my mind with his ever-searching protuberances of energy.
And so it goes.
12:15 pm
Lady Anne: Repeat after me, James:
I have three at my breast,
That’s why I’ll pass this test!
2:25 pm ;;Wallace Smith witnessing James Kellspell in shambles confessing to Prince Moretr:
RegJKellspell: I CAN SEE THE EGO-MACHINE GOING BERSERK - JUST LIKE I PROGRAMMED IT! And it is CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR REASONS TO GIVE ME - SO I COULD GET MAD AT YOU!!!
The machine is looking for reasons to get mad at You - and it hands me those reasons. It hands me 40 reasons a minute, and I keep on dismissing them, but at some point I break. Like right now.
Prince Moretr: What is happening right now, James?
RegJKellspell: H.M. was rude to me. He is going to give Paul H-T the 4 (FOUR!) shrimps from last dinner, and I KNOW Paul is a fat fucking cat, and he hates leftovers, especially from someone else’s table, and H.M. does not see it. He tells me “Paul loves shrimp, I will give these to him” And there are only 4 pieces left! I KNOW Paul is going to be insulted that he is being given, what he sees as “someone else’s last dinner leftovers”. And I said to H.M.: Listen, do you want to know my opinion?” And do you know what he said?
Prince Moretr, slowly: What did he say?
RegJKellspell, crying his eyes out: He said: “I did not ask for your opinion”. 22 years later - and he does not want to hear my opinion? And when I, used to this shit, just walked away, he added: “I pulled Don Draper on you!”. You know what? I hate that show, I do not want to watch it anymore. It is 2:35 pm and I’m already out of 6 units allowed, and I’m still facing a fucking dumb party at Baz’s H-T house. I feel like having a breakdown, but what good will it to? They did worse to my Lady Ti, and she stood like a soldier that she was. Almost 100 years later, she still stands (James breaks down, and cries, running to the garage, hiding in the car (Honda Accord, dark burgundy), Level 1)
Prince Moretr: Come to me, hon.
Wallace Smith, to Lady Anne: Watch them embrace.
Lady Anne, breathless: Will that help?
Wallace Smith: It did not help Henry.
RegJKellspell: How could she do it? Without alcohol, or any drugs? She just stood there, despite of anything they threw at her. Jaguar, too, stood tall and proud, despite of anything they threw at him. And all I do is whine. I am not worthy of my Beautiful Parents.
Prince Moretr, hugging James: I will show you the right way.
RegJKellspell, sobbing into Moretr’s shoulder: I KNOW that drinking and crying is NOT the Way of the Warrior.
Prince Moretr, encouragingly: You’re truly being their son right now!
ding James by his shaking shoulders: You ARE.
RegJKellspell: Let me have another cigarette, and I will be fine. It’s 2:42 pm right now. Normally I’d call it a day by 5:30 pm, but now we have to be a Baz’s party by 4:30 pm. I’m on my last allowed 6th Unit, which will mean that I will sober up by the time we hit the party.
Prince Moretr, smiling: You are much stronger than you think. You will be fine. And you won’t get any weight.
RegJKellspell, taking a long pull from a cigarette: There is NO ONE to help me… My mother is in Zvenigorod with her boyfriend, Merion is not even AWAKE, and I have three dependants on me. H.M., Krotkie and Henry. They’re even more vulnerable than me, and by God, I must protect them, Wallace and Daniel. Pleas help me.
Prince Moretr, reassuringly: I will. Lady Anne?
Lady Anne: I will NOT let him go. He always complains that there is just the “dependants”, and there is “no one on his side”, there is “no one” to “console” him, or “give him advice”. He complains that he is “all alone up against all the trouble”, but I’m telling you, that I’M ON HIS SIDE, and I will make sure he gets where he needs to be. And I’m. not alone. Women’s Council is ON HIS SIDE, even as James does not want to believe it.
Prince Moretr: You will be richly rewarded for your selfless service, my Lady. What do you have to say, James?
RegJKellspell, closing his eyes: she can’t help me. She is too far away.
Lady Anne: I’m here, James. I understand you, like no other.
RegJKellspell, inhaling deeply, resigned: OK.
Prince Moretr: Keep up the good work, my Lady.
Lady Anne: Thank you. James, what do you wish for?
RegJKellspell: I wish for two more units on top of 6, so that I’d pass out and feel nothing. Everything, and EVERYONE cause me pain.
;Lady Ti, smiling, helping Matushka set the table for evening tea: Welcome to my world, James. And, what is more important - welcome to JAGUAR’s world. Because these are HIS words: “Everything and everyone is causing me pain”
RegJKellspell, suddenly ashamed: I feel so weak. I feel like I let you, AND HIM, down.
Lady Ti, with hope in her voice: It’s not too late to correct your behaviour.
RegJKellspell, to Prince Moretr: I think I know what to do!
Prince Moretr: Be strong, my love. Only in this case can we build the New World you’re dreaming of.
Lady Anne: James, I will kiss you if you opt not to make a scene with H.M. over what he said to you. Whatever I need to do to lift your spirits.
RegJKellspell: Spirits lifted. I hear you, my Lady! I promised to fight for the New World, and I will not disappoint!
Prince Moretr: Here we go. Team work. Thank you, everyone. Just like in those old science-fiction stories you read in Crystal Valley - only the strongest make it.
3:05 pm
Prince Moretr, walking into our bedroom: Will you be happy to know that I talked H.M. out of giving {fat cat} Paul H-T 4 REMAINING SHRIMP FROM THE OLD DINNER, thus embarrassing Paul, his brother Baz AND James Kellspell, because H.M. refused to listen to the diplomatic advice of James Kellspell, thusly making James feel insignificant and making them both suffer?
RegJKellspell: THANK YOU! That was to the point - “making his wife of 22 years feel insignificant in the affairs she is well versed at, only because H.M. wants to be a stubborn bear and do stupid shit without thinking about consequences." Where does that LEAVE ME?
Prince Moretr: Here you go, hon.
RegJKellspell: THANK YOU! What about Merion’s parcel? Can you get that through the customs? PLEASE! It has INVALUABLE PHOTOGRAPHS OF DARLER I really need, besides $300 worth of laxatives and chocolate, and all these things. The customs will not let it through, and from that point they will either SEND IT BACK (Merion and I WILL LOSE MONEY!), or get it lost ALTOGETHER!!! I’m SO UPSET ABOUT THE PARCEL! If it does not get to me, if it gets lost, or if it gets sent back, I honestly will hold it against you. You are ALL POWERFUL, and you can’t help me get Darler's pics, that I REALLY NEED, and PAID $400 for? Where is the JUSTICE?
Prince Moretr: Is that why you're drinking?
RegJKellspell, readily: Yes, and so much more. I have no idea what Lady Ti is made of, but, being burnt in every fire there is, I’m still bending and begging for alcohol, or ANY OTHER PAINKILLER, because of smaller things. Maybe, I’m not ready fro her greatness. Maybe, I need more drugs, but if the parcel never reaches me, there will be consequences to my behaviour. I give it by the end my the field trip to Malachite Constellation.
Prince Moretr: Do you need to threaten me for things to happen?
RegJKellspell: SORRY, YES! Things are not happening FAST ENOUGH. And I know, that TO YOU, it’s ONLY BEEN ONE YEAR, but to ME it’s been 300 000 years since I died on Andromeda, born here, went through every possible crap there is, and now I’m going to lose Darler’s photos because YOU can’t handle ONE PARCEL, and you “will make it up to me in the future”. Well, fuck that! Merion will be beside himself, when the parcel gets lost, and I will be, too. i will NEVER FORGIVE YOU if those photographs will get lost. You tell me you’re ALL POWERFUL, and I can ask for WHATEVER I want, but I can’t have pics Merion and I BOTH paid for. What is your excuse? Can I even trust you after this parcel never arrives? It’s been TWO MONTHS since Merion sent it, and… (Kellspell breaks down)…
Prince Moretr: Let me see what I can do.
RegJKellspell: My Prince! YOU’RE FALLING SHORT! I never ask you for much, but, remember my words, if the parcel does not arrive, there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. IF I GO TO GENESIS 21 WITHOUT THE PARCEL, you will see that your show will go to shit. I have nothing to lose. These photographs are the most valuable possession I will ever have. I need them. Why would you deprive me of those? Why do I have to THREATEN YOU EVERY TIME I NEED SOMETHING?
Lady Anne, trying to calm him down: James, he gets it.
Prince Moretr: I get it, James.
RegJKellspell: Please see to THAT, fuck! It’s been 2 months, and the parcel contains the medicines - they WILL TURN IT BACK if you do not interfere. You always want the IMPOSSIBLE from me, well, fuck - DO THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME, TOO! I told Merion that God exists, and here is $600 worth of medicines and Darler’s stuff that will perish, because you don’t care?!
Prince Moretr, calmly: I will see what I can do.
RegJKellspell, drunk and berserk: WELL, FUCK, MAKE IT YOUR PRIORITY! MAKE SURE I GET STUFF, OR YOUR SHOW IS ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK! I WILL REFUSE TO PERFORM, AND I WILL SHOW YOU MY EDGY SIDE IF I DO NOT GET MY MEDICINES!
Prince Moretr: OK, James. Give me some time.
RegJKellspell, crying again: There is SO MUCH ON MY MIND! There is SO MUCH, and you drag feet! Help me with the parcel, it costs you nothing! And I will help you with everything else! I should not have to ask! I should not have to worry! I want Merion’s parcel, or, I swear, it will be BUST for your show! I will do you no more favours until I see the parcel. If you fail to deliver - you will face consequences!
Prince Moretr, nodding calmly: OK, James, parcel. I get it.
Wallace Smith: I want nowhere around that fight.
RegJKellspell, leaving: That’s because you’re an omega. But it did not prevent you from landing a role of your life. Wish me the same. I will not attack you, but you TOO, OWE ME for your success. You know why, Wallace? Because NO ONE will leave here unscathed. I will get every single motherfucker WHO GOT MORE GOD’S ATTENTION THAN ME. You will see. I will leave NO STONE unturned to find out where MY LUCK WENT. My luck went under OTHER PEOPLE, and I will uproot those people, too look for MY LUCK!