3LKJAG The Legitimate Bond
Ariel Matthew’s birthday. Jim’s old friend, who pre-dates Darler, and Professor Conroy, but not Leonard Rubinstein. Ariel is turning 48 today.
“What do you mean “create a bond between us”, James?” Daniel is pacing there and back across our small bedroom. “What if I do something, that disappoints you? Besides, I have ALREADY surrendered to Henry!”
Luckily, this bedroom extends into the Spiral Staircase hall, where the Mood Rug resides. It is flaming red. It can sense Daniel’s agitated mental state even as he is twenty feet away.
Our bedroom has no privacy. The wall that faces the back yard and the lawn has a sliding door in it, and curtains that are never closed. Right by them to the left - the door to Henry’s Chambers.
The next wall is a thin partition between us and Richatrd’s bedroom. In it, there is a small illusion panel, enough to fit William Conroy’s sarcophagus.
The wall after that has a door to the hall, and anyone can come through it at any time. Granted, only the Arkabins use that hall.
Then we have the closet, and arrive back to the half-wall, where Daniel’s alcohol bar was retro-fitted. This wall abruptly ends to reveal the Spiral Staircase, with a door to the kitchen. We just made a 360 degree turn.
“Don’t worry about it…” James pushes Daniel to his knees and starts removing his shirt. “I know you have surrendered to Henry. I know you have a drinking problem. I know you feel awkward in your body, God only knows why. You have a divine body. But, anyway, don’t we all. Ehm… what else? You broke your Covenant, and you wish you were smarter to have achieved more. The rest can be filled in later. I want you. I want this not to be a one-night stand for us.”
“I want the same.” Daniel nods readily. “But what kind of a bond are we talking about?” There is concern in his voice.
“You’re Henry’s man, Henry is Golden-Threaded to me via Krotkie. Technically, with Henry’s permission I can Golden-Thread you.”
Right. We all know what is coming next.
“Last time you said that a man went into a casket.” Daniel responds very quickly.
“It’s a SARCOPHAGUS!” James retorts (as expected).
“That’s not the point, James. I’m sure it feels all the same to Professor Conroy.” Daniel is now stripped to his waist.
Kellspell motions him to get up and lay on the bed face down.
“What do you want?” James takes off his shirt, and unzips his pants.
“I do not want to rush things, James.” At the signs of naked Kellspell Daniel is now breathing hard into his hands as he lays on the bed. “How do you “create” the bond? Can we forge it link by link as the days go by, without setting high expectations?”
“Fine. You’re afraid of the Golden Thread Ritual.” James lays on top of Garner.
“It’s not that, James.” Daniel whispers. “I’m mortally afraid to do something that will upset you. And then it’s a long fall back into the muggle/sleeping masses, or whatever you want to call it.”
“That’s what the bond is for, Daniel!” Kellspell makes motions wit his hips on top of Garner, teasing him. “So that neither one of us can discard the other only because”your” ego didn’t like something.”
“James, what is going on?” I say as Kellspell bursts through the sliding door, rushes right past me, through the bedroom, and out of the other door into the hall.
His face is pale and his hands are trembling. A second later, he is gone.
Daniel rushes after him.
“Mr. Garner, what is going on?”
Daniel stops for a second, obviously upset that I stopped him, as he wants to follow James.
“Russia has new rules for Western Union. Now, in order to get it, you must prove that you’re a relative. James can’t prove that for Dobry, because of his different last names in the USA. And even if he could do it, he can’t prove that for Merion. God help us, Wallace! James is beside himself that the Russian would do that.”
;“It’s been OK for 20 years…” I say meekly. “How could they cut everyone off Western Union from the USA like that?”
“This is Russia, fuck, Wallace, get on board. They ALWAYS make it VERY hard for their citizens to do ANYTHING! God help James, Wallace. He has downed a bottle of whiskey, and it is ONLY 6:06 am!”
This is ALL Daniel says. He, then, rushes out of the door after James.
I MUST go, too. I’m the Arkchil Operator, I AM allowed into Prince Moretr’s Office with James. I want to run after them, but Henry comes through the sliding door, slightly shaken.
“You were supposed to be in London.” I mumble, and shake off the shards of glass from his shoulders. “Did you get hit by Mr. Milgram’s bottle as you were running across the lawn under the windows of his apartment?”
“Yes. But he was drunk, so he threw the bottle awkwardly, it broke over the window sill, so all I got was the shards.” Henry explains hastily.
“Are you here because Jim’s mother was denied access to the money James sent her?” I say, barely breathing, wondering how that feels when someone throws a bottle at your head, and God shields you from it, and all you get is the sparkling shards on your shoulders?
“No.” Henry is solemn. “It’s not just Western Union. I used the Lemhi Pass to get here because Wells Fargo also denied H.M.’s claim that he was defraud by the man who stole $12 000 from him by placing the fake ad about the side-by-side, to which H.M. answered, and the man took the money by Wells Fargo, but never sent the side-by-side Ranger. H.M. is out of 12 thousand dollars, and Wells Fargo capitalised on the transaction by making $30. They just denied H.M. claim, and they will let the scoundrel makeaway with the money. They told H.M. to contact FBI if he cares to get any justice.”
“How the fuck is this possible?”
“The morning of bad news, Wallace. Be strong.” Henry proceeded through the bedroom, and out of the door.
I only stand for another second before I pat William’s sarcophagus for good luck (ok, a new thing her, right?) and run to the hall after Henry, Daniel and James.
As I pass Sheba and David’s room on the way to Moretr’s office, I wonder how is this possible? James now has to look for new ways of sending money to Merion and Dobry, and H.M. needs to contact the FBI because Wells Fargo Bank would not admit its fault in the fraudulent transaction. How could ALL THIS happen to us, IN ONE DAY? Isn’t James with God?
I’m almost to Moretr’s Office door when someone places a hand on my shoulder.
“It’s going to be alright.”
I turn around and it is Sheba.
“Sheba!” I scream and hug her tightly. “$12 000 is a lot of money, but it is nothing in comparison with what is happening with Western Union in Russia! Sheba, James is devastated that he can’t send money too Dobry and Merion any more!!!”
“I’m so happy I can be of help.” Sheba is sad and her smile is faint. “I just received a message from Melekh that He will NOT leave his faithful in such trouble.”
“James did not create this trouble, Sheba!!!” I can’t handle it anymore, and I lean against the wall, holding on to my racing heart. “James was doing all he could to be on his best behaviour, and now this?!”
“There are other things at play, Mr. Smith.” Sheba places both hands on my shoulders. “I was always a bearer of bad news for James, I always disappointed him by attacking those he loved. I left the set because I disagreed with James Kellspell and Henry Carlton. Apparently, you can take an actor out the filming set, but you can’t take the filming set out of the actor. I have been living with this for almost a year now, unable to return to my duties, because another person now plays my role.”
“Sure.” I respond, my lips heavy as lead.
That OTHER person is me. Sheba left, and Richard Rockford was appointed as Jim’s new Arkchil Operator. That lasted for about a month until Richard committed a crime, incompatible with his position.
They scrambled for a new person, and that was the poor forgotten me.
Now we find out that Sheba Reddington, everything was going for her on the set of the “Emerald Filament” team, by the way, is regretful about her decision to leave the filming set in protest of the way James Kellspell was being treated by Henry Carlton.
Sheba’s pain is palpable - it is in her eyes and in her polite, tired smile. I nod and I know that in my haste I’m being HEARTLESS. I hope Sheba skips this editorial to the part where she is helpful with the CURRENT brouhaha.
There is no point rehashing the old stuff. Besides, remembering the “old stuff” makes me uncomfortable. She was appointed to the position of the Arkchil Operator to Prophet Arzadellin.
I got the job of the Arkchil Operator because someone else fucked up. Does she know how I FEEL? Does anyone?
“Melekh is working on resolving Mr. Kellspell’s issues. He will be in Moretr’s Office in 6 minutes.” Sheba says very quietly. It is possible she can see my mind, where I want answers and action instead of a trip down the Memory Lane.
The reason I suspect Sheba can see my mind: if you were allowed into the network once, it cannot be undone. That is how Richard still controls James, even when all official ties were severed after his conviction of sexual assault.
“Thank you, Ms. Reddington.
The second reason as to why Sheba jumped off Jim’s train was because he would not let her change her name from “Sheba of Salem” to “Sheba Reddington”.
As much as I can’t get distracted to Sheba’s problems right now, I must try and tend to her wounds, too. This is what Jim is all about. He heals our wounds, even when sometimes he is the one who caused them.
“James and H.M., therefore ALL OF US, took two hits today. Two hits that James did not deserve. Two hits that did not stem from his negative behaviour.”
I nod stiffly and wish she let me go. She is tired, her “Jew hair” is disheveled, and her eyes are dark, like all hope is gone from them. She feels more dead than Conroy, for God’s sake.
The first ray of morning sun hits my eyes through Sheba’s apartment door she kept ajar while talking to me.
“We are not alone in this.” I remind her, seeking to get up after a fall we all took.
It seems to have effect on Sheba.
“We must be strong, and have faith, and Melekh will lead us out.” Sheba’s face is now stern. Some confidence came to her voice, too.
Melekh must be close already, lifting ALL of our hearts.
Sheba squeezes my shoulders in support, and goes back into her room. A glimpse of David Reddington can be acquired as Sheba closes the door behind herself.
Reddington is standing by the window in a dressing gown, smoking a cigarette. He looks crestfallen as the sunshine warms up his features ever so slowly.
When I rush into Moretr’s office, I find James standing in front of Moretr’s table, whispering something, like a prayer. His face is covered with large streaming tears, and his lips are constantly moving.
Later on I requested the Arkchil Record. It stated that James Kellspell was not whispering a prayer. In fact, he was repeating the lines of a Russian song. Here is what he was saying:
“È âîò òîãäà - èç ñëåç, èç òåìíîòû
Èç áåäíîãî íåâåæåñòâà áûëîãî
Äðóçåé ìîèõ ìîõíàòûå õâîñòû
Ïîÿâÿòñÿ è ðàñòâîðÿòñÿ ñíîâà.”
Had I known that at the time, his next actions would not have seen so insane to me.
Moretr gets up to greet James, and the next second he collapses slowly to the floor.
Prince Moretr is Melekh Shel Zahav’s lower avatar.
When Melekh talks to James directly, he turns off his lower avatar.
“James, I understand that you are shaken about the news from Western Union. Your mother’s future is on the line, and your mother’s caregiver’s too. Be rest assured that we’re doing everything possible to clear up the problem. I have promised to take care of Dobry and Merion, and I would be no good if I could not help you.”
The door is heard opening and closing behind me.
“What is going on?” Lady Anne creeps up and grabs my hand. Her eyes are on the tall dark-haired man talking to our James. James is with his back to us, Moretr’s body is on the floor to Jim’s right, and Melekh is behind Moretr’s desk, warmth and reassurance of love coming from him, filling the room.
I may be too shaken to accept it yet.;;“I have never seen James so worked up about money. I know H.M. is out of 12 grand with the fraud at Wells Fargo, and I know Jim is pissed about the Russian Government’s new Western Union regulations, but…”
Lady Anne’s big eyes are waiting for me to finish, and I lose my thought when I hear Jim’s voice.
“Father, I have been hit!”
“I know, James.” Melekh nods, goes around the table and hugs his sweet protege and martyr. “I will not let anyone harm my faithful. How can I expect of you to preach that if you have not experienced it yourself? If you were hurt and God did not come for help? How can you proselytise something that you do not believe is true?”
“Yeah!” Jim’s eyes are now lit up by the morning sun, and the mist seeps through the wide, open windows of Moretr’s Office. “Please help me.”
“And I will.”
“I think I’m in love.”
“You are?” Shel Zahav smiles, and Lady Anne squeezes my hand even tighter. Apparently, his smile, and his presence in general affected her the same as me.
Even as Jim is hurting from the news. And Sheba is hurting because she’s been out of work for a year. Henry is hurting because he feels like he is a prisoner. And I’m hurting because that’s what I do.
Wait, what?
“What?” Lady Anne’s lips repeat, as she is staring at James, and then at me, as if in slow motion.
“These times that I see You personally are so rare. Father, please, listen.
After William was no longer able to work, Henry had to go to London. He needed someone… So he sent a man to look after me. His name is Daniel Garner. He is shy, and sweet, and he suffers so. I know he surrendered to Henry, and that is forever, but I feel that I must give him a hand. I want to marry him… I proposed to him, but he seems to be unsure. And I don’t blame him - the last time I married a man, he ended up in a coffin… But I have to create my own bond with him… Would you persuade him to say “yes”? I’m sure Henry would not mind, because Daniel is so desperately dedicated to him. Please… I want to include Daniel into our family. I can’t bear to hear him cry himself to sleep every night, because he thinks he will be dismissed as soon as Henry does not need him anymore. He is a really good man, and he could not find a job… I can make him my press-secretary, like Richard Rockford was. Then Wallace won’t have to deal with the journalists… Please!”
“Daniel is in so much pain, he is only one lifetime away from collapsing into a cat avatar! Let me help him! But in order to help him I need a LEGITIMATE BOND!”
Merion: “I’m so tired of this! Every day I clean and cook, and I have nothing to show for it. I need a renovation in my apartment, and I have no money. My life is one big Groundhog Day.
JKellspell, to me (Wallace Smith): Everyone is crying today. The day of NO MOON seems to be even harder on us than the pull of the NEW MOON.”
Melekh Shel Zahav: In the name of Crystal Valley, James, relax! This is what I need from you: you must surrender ALL control over your fate. NOW. Then I will give you Daniel.”
JKellspell: “Yes. What do you need me to do so I could bond Daniel?”
Melekh Shel Zahav: See these three wires? The blue, the red and the sky-blue?
JKellspell, breathlessly: Yes.;;Melekh Shel Zahav: Touch your LHS Bridgeplate with the thought of Me.
JKellspell: LHS engaged, all my attention is on You.
Melekh Shel Zahav: See the red, the blue and the sky-blue stones glowing at each end of your LHS Bridgeplate? Stretch the red wire from the red stone, and hang it above the ego machine, now encapsulated in the Seashell. Stretch the blue wire from the blue stone at the end of the triangle, and above the Seashell with the eg-machine. Do the same with the sky-blue stone and the wire.”
JKellspell: Done.
Melekh Shel Zahav: How long can you hold them from one point to another above your head?
JKellspell: How much time do you need?
Melekh Shel Zahav: I need 3 months, and by spring, I promise, I will give youth pieces to the Key that will make it whole and it will transform your dream sequence, as well as of those with you.
JKellspell: I will hold the precious wires above everything for long as you pay my bills, fill my bowl with tuna and give me the painkillers. I ask for nothing more, but one more spouse. I can’t have Rockford, and I can’t have Conroy. Can I have Garner? He is the cutest of the three, anyway. Please!
Melekh Shel Zahav: Surrender ALL the protocols with which you put together that darned tape recorder, and you can have Garner.
JKellspel: Anything to lay my hands on Daniel legally.
Melekh Shel Zahav: You’ve got yourself a deal, young man.
With that, Melekh kisses James on the forehead and walks out. Moretr gets up, takes a breath, and orders The Arkabins to usher us out of his Office. Among them is Ustilim Sherbin, the Head Arkabin, and Jim’s friend.
As I watch Sherbin close the door behind us, I remember Jim’s words about him: “Ustilim lost, like, 19 sons to the Yanari Human Sacrifice ritual. And he is proud of it. Something is wrong with this world, Wallace. It’s not just the Earth. The violence is made look like a badge of honour in every corner across the Universe. We’re ALL sick, my friend. It is because we have WRONG GOALS. Love is the only worthy goal. You only cry for Love and you sacrifice yourself for love. If your goal is other - do not be surprised to find yourself in tremendous pain. It’s either Love or Pain. It’s either Love or Fear. There is nothing else and nothing in-between, Wallace. Get up and choose your side.”
4LKJag
UstilimSherbin: James, are you aware that in the period between 22 and 4th (a period of 13 days) you consumed exactly 40 drinks, which averages at about 3 drinks a day?
JKellspell: Yes. I’m aware that I drink too much. I’m an alcoholic. And I’m fucked. And gaining weight. And very ashamed. And Jaguar has already whipped me for that. What do you want? I need a comprehensive AA program. Not just sir around and TALK about how I want to drink^ but GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE to do INSTEAD of drinking. Man, by the end of this I will learn how to run a PERFECT REHAB, after which you WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN. And I will make millions.
Lady Anne, alarmed: When did Mr. Jaguar “whipped” as you put it?
JKellspell, slightly annoyed: Today. As soon as he found out that I drink like a fish!
Lady Anne: Did he make you take off your pants and whip your ass? Or, did he strip you to your waist, tied you up and whipped your back?
JKellspell: FUCK, Mercy, Lady Anne! I have to do my chemistry class in 20 mins, and now I’m nursing a huge one, because you had to bring EVERYONE’s ATTENTION to our love games!
Lady Anne: Please, answer my question, Mr. Kellspell, because I would like to document your injuries that you have received due to cruel and unusual punishment from Mr. Jaguar, who, apparently, thinks that hazing of overweight people is ok.
JKellspell, now angry: My Lady, I will make this very easy for you. When was the last time YOU got me off?
;Lady Anne: What kind of a question is that, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: Well, Mr. Jaguar gets us both off three times a week. Until you figure out how to do that, I’d ask you not to question his methods. And there is nothing cruel, or unusual about kinky sex. Overweight or otherwise.
Lady Anne, blushing: Mr. Kellspell!
Here is the transcript of Jim’s conversation with the Arkabin doctor about his weight gain due to his uncontrolled drinking:
UstilimSherbin: Silence, please. James, right now you weigh 135 pounds.
JKellspell: Fuck, I know! I have gained 15 pounds in the last 6 months because of the injections, but also, due to my out-of-control drinking.
UstilimSherbin: When Lord Carlton had emotional issues, I prescribed an exercise program for him, and, as you all remember, I took him out for jogging every night. Do you think you can handle something like that? I know you like to dance. We could do three 30 min dancing classes a day.
JKellspell: This sounds cool. But honestly, ANY program that will help me lose weight, is welcome. Whatever I need to do. If I must give a blow job to ten elephants a day to lose two pounds a month, I’m there.
This is where I totally fell apart laughing. Sherbin has a very good sense of humour.
UstilimSherbin: It will depend on whether you swallow or spit.
Prince Moretr: What is your deepest concern, James?
JKellspell: “Father tells me what is real.
This is how my wounds will heal.”
Is that true in your book?
Prince Moretr: I channel Melekh Shel Zahav, who is Level 99, one incarnation away from God. So, yes, I believe that.
JKellspell: OK. Besides Misty Shield “God will save your soul” verses, what help can you offer to my problems? It is now 6:54 am. I started drinking at 5:30am, as soon as I woke up. I’m only allowed 3 glasses of wine a day, because I gain weight like a pig. Realistically, 6 glasses would do, but that would net me a pound of fat a week which will sink all of your efforts to keep me in shape. It is 6:56 am right now, and all I want is another drink. If I allow myself another drink, there will ONLY be 1 drink left for the rest of the day. While, in all honesty, I need one an hour to keep my mood above the water line, basically. What can we do besides waxing philosophic and exchange beautiful sentiments and bombastic platitudes that do not help me deal with my alcoholism?
Prince Moretr: Your problems come from the fact that you root your joy in a chemical source, instead of the spiritual one.
JKellspell: Thank you, that was an amazing, useless statement. What do I do with a deep desire within that calls me to satisfy it the only way I know how?
Prince Moretr: You need to become more spiritual.
JKellspell: May I warn you, sir - ALL your advice on how to achieve that amazing spiritual connection needs to be practical.
Prince Moretr: Believe me, James, I will deliver. In MY time, not yours. Your time is too fleeting. Stay with Me and I will help you.
JKellspell: Thank you. (Sighs, get off his high horse). I appreciate it. But my day is very long. And, although I no longer need to deal with a burning volcano which is H.M., and he had become way softer, my day is still very long. The path from the morning to the evening lasts forever. Fear is prevalent on that path. I’m ALWAYS afraid of something, for the ego pokes me with this NES-poison…
KEY WEST “RECONCILIATION”
TRIP FOR H.M.
8-12 LK JAG
Lady Anne: What was the most important thing you understood in this trip, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: God has full control over Time. He WILL shorten your suffering, if you ask Him.
Lady Anne: How?
JKellspell: Here’s how: I have created “suffering”. A very heavy, poisonous substance, that my Father would never let me experience. In order to experience suffering, however, I needed TIME. Suffering is very heavy, so it takes a LOT OF TIME to fit enough of it in. I knew that. In the Presence of God, Time flows very slowly. But once you fall DOWN the seashell (t the WIDEST part of it), there is MORE AND MORE TIME TO FILL WITH SUFFERING. That is why, for this “New Universe Prank ”, that caused my Father so many Tears, and pain, I knew, I needed TIME if I wanted to run away from the ALL-LOVING GOD, and experience SUFFERING. So, I fell down “Sea Shell Effect”. And as I I was on Level 1 and remembered all the stuff I did in order to INITIATE the “Original Sin”… Jaguar called me on Level 2, and ordered me into his Head Quarters.”
Lady Anne: Were you happy or fearful when he called?
JKellspell: I was elated! Fuck! Now, it’s been three months since we we not allowed to see each other, because between the two of us, we burn too much “Emerald Filament”!!! But I miss him. He is the only reason I want to carry on with the Experiment!
Lady Anne: So, you became excited and came to his place? What happened when you came over to his place?
JKellspell, readily: Jaguar tied me to the bed and had sex with me. It was brutal, an I was heady. He used me like a rag doll, and I was giddy with joy. Hm, do you want details?
Lady Anne, not even blushing: Heck, why not?;;JKellspell: Thank you for asking. The passion was exactly like one summer field trip, where Jaguar made me give him a blow job in the middle of the field in Citadel21. Remember, when Lady Ti called me and told me to come over?
Lady Anne: Yes.
JKellspelll: I did, and she asked what was that bloody mark on the bridge of my nose?
Lady Anne: I was wondering about that, too. For a few days you were walking around with those marks on your face, yes.
JKellspell: Those precious marks were from the buckle of her husband’s belt, and she had seen it on other soldiers, Lady Ti told me.
Lady Anne: How would the marks appear on the faces of soldiers?
JKellspell: The marks would appear because Jaguar would press your head against his crotch, and his belt buckle would leave an imprint on a soldier’s forehead, or bridge of their nose depending on how tall they are when they’re kneeling in front of Jaguar.
Lady Anne: James, you are the only person who can deliver a huge amount of information in one sentence without taking a single breath. Yes, I was there, but just out of respect for audience, did Lady Ti confront you about the belt marks on the bridge of your nose?
JKellspell: yes, she said, and I quote: did my husband order you to give him a blow job in field conditions?” I was like - how the fuck did you know THAT, and he’d kill me if I said “yes”.
Lady Anne: What did Lady Ti respond?
JKellspell: Fuck, She will kill me if I told you!
Lady Anne: No, she will not. This interview will be delivered to her, not to Mr. Jaguar.
JKellspell: OK, fine. She responded: Your dumb arrogant ass thinks you can seduce my husband, and make him your own? I have witnessed a hundred of his soldiers that thought the same. They ALL bore his “mark” on their forehead. He forced them ALL to their knees, and he made them his sex slaves. YOU ARE just a fly in his web. He is the spider, and he will suck you dry. What makes you think you’re different from all of his other victims, other flies?
Lady Anne, wiping tears from her eyes: James, excellent performance! Do you know how many people are envious of your success right now?
JKellspell: What? What the fuck are you talking about? What “performance”? What people? Are they watching us like CNN?
Lady Anne, sobbing: No, they’re watching us like “Naked and Afraid”.
JKellspell: Fuck you all. You’re full of shit. I have no idea what you just said and who is watching us. Listen what happened: Lady Ti said all that, and here comes Jaguar, and he whips me across my face with a riding crop. Lady Ti, is like, speechless, and Jaguar is so full of desire to fuck me that he can no longer control himself. This is where I blacked out, because he looked at me, like - take off your pants and turn around! And I was like - but Lady Ti is here, moi gospodin, I thought you wanted to show your better self in front of her. This is where he turned me off, and the next thing I know I wake up, feeling with a collar on my neck, leashed to his bed. And you’re there, and I’m asking you to unchain me temporarily, so I could go to the bathroom. Do you remember something like that?
JKellspell: What are the orders from Jaguar, Lady Anne?
Lady Anne, with a sigh: I have a problem with these orders, James.
JKellspell, getting angry real quickly: Give me my master’s orders, please, now, or I will get unhinged!!!
Lady Anne, biting her lips: OK. Here: “Do the dishes, then do my laundry, then wash the floors. I need you in bed, chained, by 6pm. I will come over and everything better be to my standards or I will whip you.”
JKellspell, rubbing himself between his legs: Is this it?
Lady Anne: James, YOU’RE BEING USED!
JKellspell, losing it: Fuck, you SOUND LIKe SHEBA!!! That’s because you are ALL pussies! I want to be the WINNER, I want to be ABOVE THE CROWD, and you’re all in my way. Follow his orders, or I will find someone who will!!!
Lady Anne, who does not back down, and never gives up: I want you to be the winner, too! But this man wants to own you and make you his slave! He left me a three-page note on what you need to clean, and how well. He will give you the white-glove inspection and if there is any dirt anywhere, you will be sleeping on the floor tonight. How is this “being above the crowd”, James?
JKellspell: What was that? (Touches his crotch with a blissful smile. “He will make me sleep on the floor tonight”?
Lady Anne: James, you’re being used, humiliated, treated poorly. In addition to that Jaguar physically abuses you, and he shamelessly makes you work all your waking hours.
JKellspell, staring into the wall as if Jesus Christ Himself transpired there: I know, fuck. How am I so lucky? I know you’re envious that he did not choose YOU, but I’m simply more loyal. I’m above the crowd.
LadyAnne: James, today you spent three hours cleaning his bathroom with a toothbrush, all, including his toilet and the tiles!!! How is this “being above the crowd”?!
JKellspell, now calm, like a Tibetan monk: The ONLY TIME you’re “above the crowd” is when you’re crucified. You say you want me on the cross, but NONE of YOU have balls to actually nail me to it. Jaguar not only has the balls, but he also has the nails. And a hammer. And the ardent desire to show me where I belong, and then rape me for his pleasure before the evening news. You sound like Sheba, you want me calm, you want peace, but neither one of you made any fucking attempt to get me off to obtain that peace.
Lady Anne: I just have hard time with his cruelty. He treats you like an animal. Like, it’s time to shave the sheep, and the sheep gets chased into a corral, tied up, shaved, and its hair shipped for sale for the profit of the owners.
JKellspell: Wow, THAT was poetic!
Lady Anne: That was pathetic, James. I’m so upset with the way you’re being treated!
JKellspell, with a smile: Why don’t I cheer you up? Ask me what was the hardest part of cleaning Jaguar’s apartment today?;;Lady Anne, giving up on trying to get James to see the reality: We’re so far apart on this James… OK, I’ll play along. What was it?
JKellspell: Vacuuming in his closet. And then, to top it off, I had to clean all of his shoes. This is where I passed out, twice that I remember. And I only had this much time to clean. See, he gave me a list of things to do in his apartment. Like, chores. And there was only THIS MUCH time allowed per each activity. I had to do his laundry, which was a lot, change his sheets, clean up in his closet, polish his shoes, wash the floors, and also cook him dinner.
Lady Anne: Cook him dinner? Your cooking never goes farther than “open a can of tuna with the can opener and eat out of the can”.
JKellspell, his eyes bright, his breathing hastened: I’ll tell you about cooking, you just wait. This is not the first time he made me cook. But anyway, the hardest part was the laundry, because I collapsed sniffing his underwear. But I was only out for not more than 3 minutes. After that I wisened up, and had to wash the rest without burying my face in his shirts and socks. But the hardest trial was still to come. It was when I passed out sniffing his shoes in the closet… Three times, total of 14 minutes, and that reflected on my overall performance, because the laundry was not ALL done and folded by the time he came back…
Lady Anne: Did he make you sniff his shoes?
JKellspell: What? No! I did it on my own. I could not resist. But, anyway. And then, inserted him the dinner, and he sat there, and ate my fish, and the potatoes, for what must have been 15 minutes. As I stood in front of him… I mean, behind him… Talking about a cliff hanger! These were the hardest 15 minutes of my entire life! What if he did not like my cooking?
Lady Anne: What did he say?
JKellspell: Oh, he said NOTHING! He is a military pilot! It is all about maintaining the “sterile cockpit”.
Lady Anne, raising her brows: What is that?
JKellspell: basically, stick to your list of stuff to do and do not get distracted to chit-chat, or you will land on the wrong runway, and shoot the wrong target, how’s that for an answer? If anything is wrong, he will let me know. Other than that, maintain radio silence.
Lady Anne: Let’s talk about your cooking: What did you make him for dinner?
JKellspell, talking fast, as if on puppy-upper drugs: Sugar salmon with onions and fried potatoes. The ONLY dish I can ever make.
Lady Anne, now intrigued: Well, did he like it?
JKellspell: YES! He ate it all, and then ordered me to clean up. That is how I knew that he liked it. But not everything went well on my first day of TOGETHER AGAIN. I fucked up, and lined his shoes on the wrong side of the closet. I don’t know what came over me to place his shoes to the right, instead of to the left, under all his pants.
Lady Anne: Was Jaguar upset at that?
JKellspell: He just told me “Do not ever disobey me.” And I did not. I would not think of it. I just forgot where the shoes went after I took everything off the floor to vacuum it.
15LKJAG LADY ANNE GOES TO THE SAFARI
AND GETS JAGUAR
Wallace Smith’s channel, re-broadcast from Lady Anne’s diary:
“Blinsky was very happy today. No one, including me, saw him so happy before. It was 5:45 am. By 6 am he started his shift at Jaguar’s apartment (an illusion panel was installed for the entire Head Quarters inside of the former classroom).
He cleaned the floors, dusted the entire HeadQuarters, washed windows, polished Jaguar’s shoes and did whatever else he was ordered to do.
Blinsky worked for ten hours straight with a very short lunch, which was supervised by Jaguar himself. James is not allowed to eat, unless Jaguar is watching him eat and makes sure James does not eat anything that will make him fat. Jaguar also decides HOW MUCH James is to eat.
I could never stand for such tyranny. My poor, gullible, exploited Blinsky was hungry ALL DAY!
4pm, and James came back to his bedroom. His eyes were unfocused, and a faint smile played on his tired, dusty face.
For a while, he laid on top of the comforter on his bed, with Krotkie by his side. Then he buried his face into Krotkie’s fur, his hand slipped between his legs, and he rubbed himself as he released a haunting, quiet laugh.
His laugh sent shivers down my spine. He must be losing it from all the hard work and cruelty of his new boss.
No one, but me, witnesses how much James is suffering. Something needs to be done about it.
A few minutes later Henry called from London to Jim’s LHS Bridgeplate. In fact, Henry calls James all the time, and most of the time nowadays James does not pick up, because now he is at work.
This makes Henry desperate, as he is not used to such treatment, and he can’t make it through the day without calling James at least five times.
So, finally, at almost 5 pm, the star-crossed lovers could talk. Or it seemed so. But as soon as Henry started complaining about how hard his life is, and yelling at James to do more to help him, and James tried to calm him down, as always, JAGUAR CALLED MY Bridgeplate.
“Send Kellspell in, will you? He has not finished cleaning.” Jaguar said dryly.
Why do I always stick my nose where it does not belong?
“He is in bed, sir, talking to Henry Carlton. He is very tired! He’s already done a ten hour shift for you today. Will you please let him rest?”
“I will pretend I did not hear that, Lady Anne. Send Kellspell in immediately. If he is not here in five minutes, he will face discipline.”
And Jaguar hung up, as my heart fell all the way into my stomach.
Last time I heard him say that, the old, crusty military man whipped James with his belt.
I only found out by accident, when I saw the horrifying footage on Mr. Smith’s Bridgeplate.
“What is going on? Who called?” James perked his ears. “WAS IT JAGUAR?”
Who else would I be calling “sir”?
“Yes, James, but do you not have any private time? Why is he using you so?”
Blinsky went pale. “Henry, I will call you back. I must go now.”
“But, James, I’m lonely and I’m in so much pain… There is not enough alcohol to carry me through tonight…”
“Henry, Daddy loves you! But if you want me to support you and your parents, I must work. I will call you tonight, I promise!”
With that, Blinsky jumped off the bed and ran off through the sliding door, through a hole in the hedge, and onto the lawn in front of the HeadQuarters’ back doors.
In the afternoon warmth of Malachite Constellation’s Blue House of the Moon, I heard him crash against the glass sliding door of Jaguar’s apartment.
James does not see anything in front of himself when he is in a hurry. I would have laughed, but at that moment all I wanted to do was cry for his sweet little heart so many pushy people want to exploit shamelessly.
Yesterday Jaguar made Jim work since 6 am, all the way into the night. Probably 14 hours, during which Blinsky was not allowed to eat at all.
Blinsky showed up at 9 pm and gobbled up the salad and tuna from the can within a couple of minutes. He was that hungry. I watched him with my heart full of sorrow, and pondered if I should bring it up to Matushka. Clearly, poor trusting Blinsky is being used.
But, when I came upstairs, Matushka was not there. Tearfully, I told Dr. Michael about the abuse James endures at the hands of Jaguar. To which Dr. Michael said, and I quote: “Sets him right. He better work hard, or I WILL whip him.”
And I can’t blame Dr. Michael. James did attempt a sexual assault on him.
I’m still going to talk to Matushka.”
“OK, talked to Matushka today. I told her that James is being forced to work fourteen hours a day, he is not getting paid, and he is not allowed to eat all day. He endures emotional abuse, derogatory remarks, and is being called “fat faggot”. That is just what I know. Plus, he gets raped every night, and one morning he came back with a locked jaw, in terrible pain.
Clearly, it was because Jaguar subjected him to rough sex.
God bless Matushka, she did not brush me off. She became concerned. She went to talk to Lady Ti right away. Lady Ti, apparently, found these facts to be important enough to bring them to Jaguar’s attention.
Lady Ti, then let Matushka know that she took all that seriously and was expecting a comprehensive explanation from her husband as to the poor treatment of his employee.
Matushka and I were satisfied. I could not wait for the evening to tell the sweet, helpless, exploited James about our work on his behalf. It should make his enslaved life easier.
But Blinsky beat me to it.
Next thing I knew, he came back after dark, as usual, but he was pissed, and he attacked me, accusing me of wanting to “destroy his happiness”.
Blinsky told me that Lady Ti yelled at Jaguar, and Jaguar was livid that someone told on him behind his back. James knew he did not do it, so he looked up the Arkchil Record and saw me confiding in Matushka. So, he traced the problem to ME. All that brouhaha “ruined their good time”, Blinsky growled.
Appalled at his lack of gratitude, I did not take that laying down and confronted him about his jaw. He was in so much pain, all he could do that night was drink kefir through a straw. I saw it. I was there!
What happened, I asked James, did Jaguar shove his dick so far down your throat that he dislocated your jaw?
But Blinsky said that Jaguar “is very caring”, and that he had nothing to do with his jaw. It was an “old martial arts injury”, and it locked up all by itself. Blinsky, then, asked me to “mind my own beeswax”, and did not talk to me for the rest of the night.
This is what you get trying to do the RIGHT THING!
Distraught, I went upstairs, and cried in Matushka’s embrace.
How do we help our ONLY navigator? Jaguar will work and fuck him to death.”
Wallace Smith, in conclusion: I know better than getting into it. Sheba spent 14 months beating her head against that one, and it did not end well for her. She’s been out of work ever since. And I do not even have her charms. I’m ten years older and ten times uglier. I fall out of grace with James, and I’m toast. I will never find another job. So, better stay out of this.
16LKJAG JAGUAR GOES TO THE HUNT
AND GETS LADY ANNE
4:45 am And James is up.
“What are you doing here so early?” I walk into the bathroom to take a leak, and James is there.
“I need to shave!!!” Kellspell plugs the electrical shaver and attacks his stubble, and then his chest hair, few and far between.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” I can barely stand. Everything is still spinning. Last night, waiting for James and Krotkie, Lady Anne, Daniel and I drank, possibly, a bottle of whiskey each. “It does not take an hour to shave your “mane”.
“Possibly.” Kellspell nods, turns off the shaver and brushes his teeth his electric brush in needlessly sharp, repeating movements. “But I have to be at Jaguar’s by 5 am, not by 6 am today.”
Figures. Every day James works more and more hours. Soon he will be just sleeping in Jaguar’s bedroom on the rug by the door. But mum’s the word. I will not piss off my Mate James by anti-Jaguar sentiments.
And so he leaves in a hurry.
Daniel wakes up, and then, Lady Anne, who is now sleeping with us to be near James and soothe his “wounds”.
5:18 pm
“I have been reading your channel, Mr. Smith. I have a question about your today’s entry.” Lady Anne is done helping Matushka make dinner, and she is on her way to cut some roses to put on the table.
“Yes, my Lady.” I respond and feel my hands starting to shake.
I have nothing to be afraid of.
Absolutely nothing.
Mainly because I’m tired of living in fear of pissing SOMEONE off. It seems that everyone is fighting with everyone nowadays. All I want is love James and keep my job.
“Why did you put the word “wounds” in quotes, like Blinsky’s wounds are not real to you? Do you know that he gets hurt either by Henry, or by Jaguar on a daily basis?”
Yes, maybe, but I will not be dragged into this one. I take a deep breath and hide my shaking hands in the deep purple of my LHS Bridgeplate.
I want to respond in a way that will satisfy everyone, and will not get me fired, but my mind is blank. But I’m saved by the bell.
James walks in.
And he is dragging his left foot, which is bleeding.
“Aha! What did I tell you?” Lady Anne turns to me, and then rushes to James. “Mr. Kellspell, this time you can’t cover up for your cruel employer! You left at 5 am, you’re back by 5 pm, which makes it a 12-hour working day. Chances are - you were given only a 10-minute lunch, during which you were forced to eat dog food. And then, on top of that, he beat you bloody! Literally, bloody!!!”
“Will you calm down?” Kellspell, unperturbed, leaves the sliding door open, sits down on the bed and starts a cigarette. “I fell down a rabbit hole.”
“A RABBIT HOLE?” Both Lady Anne and I say and I feel laughter overwhelming me, while Lady Anne gets furious.
It did not take long for a fight to start. Wait till Henry calls in.
“Where did you find a RABBIT HOLE ON AN ALIEN SPACESHIP?!” Lady Anne walks to James, kneels in front of him, and examines his bleeding left heel. “Clearly, you’re lying to cover up for him!”
As if a rabbit hole on an a HUMAN SPACESHIP is a normal thing ;).
“What is going on?” Daniel comes back with a plate of food. Did he go Inner Dinner?
I take him aside.
“First, why did you get this food? Have you forgotten that the Michaels have invited us to dinner? Did you not see Matushka and Lady Anne cook away the afternoon?” I go after Daniel.
No, he did not see anything. Too hung over, too depressed lately.
“What is second?” Garner puts the plate on Jim’s night stand and wants to approach James, but I do not let him.
“Second - Jaguar beat James again, and Lady Anne is blowing a gasket. It is only a matter of time before she hits emergency, and we will have a room full of Arkabins to take care of Jim’s wounds. So, I think, both you and I need to leave before the brouhaha begins.”
Daniel stares at me, and I can see that he cried all night again. Sometimes I can hear him howl quietly, and sometimes I just see it in his eyes in the morning.
But we do not get a chance to escape.
“Daniel!” Lady Anne motions for my mate to come over. “Go to the lawn in front of the Hand Quarters, and look for ANYTHING that REMOTEDLY RESEMBLES a “rabbit hole”. Report back!”
“It’s to the left, by the hedge…” James says, finishing his cigarette.
“Be quiet, Alice!” Lady Anne snaps at Kellspell. “If Mr. Garner comes back empty, I’m bypassing Matushka and Lady Ti, and calling Prince Moretr’s Office directly. Do you understand? Women’s Council will not tolerate ANY violence here!”
“Women’s Council is out to rob me of my Alphas.” Kellspell sighs, leans over and pulls a bottle of Canadian Whiskey from under his bed. “I used to be very upset at you bitches, when you took my Richard. And then second time, when you broke me up with Jaguar in the end of this summer. But I have become philosophical about it. So, do your worst.”
I watch Krotkie, under the bed, sniffing and licking Jim’s hand.
“And we will, Mr. Kellspell!” Lady Anne goes to the kitchen, comes back with a bottle of 70% alcohol, and wipes Jim’s wound with that.
He continues to drink and does not flinch.
;But Krotkie under the bed moves away, scrunching his nose.
James reaches out for another cigarette, and the pack is empty.
“Uolles, would you get me another pack of cigarettes?” He asks very calmly.
I look at Lady Anne for permission. Honestly, I have no intention of crossing the Women’s Council today. Or any other day for that matter.
“You may.” She nods.
Talking about tyranny.
I get up and find another pack in Daniel’s bar. We get changes in this bedroom with every new mate that James accepts with joy and Russian hospitality.
His recent acquisition, Henry Carlton’s protege, Daniel Garner, wanted a built-in bar. He got it.
The silence is tense. We all are waiting for Daniel to come back with his findings.
“Rabbit hole, really, Mr. Kellspell?” Lady Anne is seething mad, as she applies a large band-aid to Jim’s heel. “You fell into a rabbit hole?”
“Yes, I was going back from Jaguar’s, and I was hot. So I took my shoes off. I ran home to see Wallace and Daniel, and fell into a hole with my left foot. When I tried to pull it out…”
“The rabbit bit you? With you wild imagination, James, you could have come up with a BETTER story as to why you came back BLEEDING AGAIN from a shift at Mr. Jaguar’s!”
The rustling in the hedge. Here comes Daniel!
Both me and Lady Anne look at him with bated breath.
James, however, does not look at Daniel, he is starting another cigarette. The flame from his lighter reflects on his face and goes out in a dance of wild shadows.
“Well, Garner, was that a wild goose chase? There is NO HOLE there!”
“I really am not an expert on wild geese, or rabbits for that matter, but the hole exists. It is deep and rather narrow. Overgrown by grass, and freshly disturbed on one side. Seems like someone either dug at it, or fell into it, and tried to pull their foot out.” Daniel sighs and looks down to avoid lightning in Lady Anne’s eyes.
“Yes. That is how I ripped the skin off my heel. I did not realise how deep the hole was, or that I was stuck. It took me a few awkward attempts to free my foot. End of story.”
“Unbelievable!” Lady Anne growls. “Alright, none of you are going to dinner. You stay here and think about your behaviour!”
With that, she leaves.
“Daniel, where is that plate of food you brought from the cafeteria in such a timely manner?” I ask quietly.
Garner points to Jim’s night stand, and goes to the bar for another bottle.
“Not enough for three.” I stare at the fried fish and potatoes on the plate.
“Enjoy yourselves, I’m not allowed to eat any more tonight.” Kellspell says and feeds a cigarette to Krotkie.
I take a deep breath and share the meal with Daniel.
“Finish eating and go to bed you two. Henry is not coming tonight, and Lady Anne will be late. That is with the dinner at Dr. Michael’s and all. Krotkie, enough.” James picks the cigarette paper out of his teacher’s teeth. “Do you want to get walked before bed?”
“Why can’t we do to dinner? Why are we being punished again?” Garner asks, washing the potatoes down with whiskey, accompanied by the chewing sounds from the large grey wolf UNDER our bed.
“I told you to leave before the brouhaha began.” I remind, leaning on the sarcophagus with a man in coma ABOVE our bed.
“Talking about punishment.” Kellspell opens the door and Krotkie runs out to pee on our lawn. He is the only one Isaak Milgram does not throw bottles at. “Who gives a shit about food. Henry has not been back in TWO WEEKS. I want him so. He misses me terribly. Why can’t we always be together?”
17LKJAG: EGO’S DUMB ADVICE: PUT YOUR OLD UNDERWEAR BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BELOVED SPOUSE.
Wallace Smith’s Channel:
QUOTE FROM CHAPTER 138 (this chapter, 9USJAG, only 1,5 months ago!)
“JKellspell: Ahh.. yeah… Can I have another gulp of whiskey?;
Lady Anne: Not until 10 am, Mr. Kellspell. It is 6:47 am now, and you’ve already downed two shots. Go smoke some cigarettes, come back, and I will tell you what to do if you EVER want to work for Jaguar again.
JKellspell, with burning eyes: YES?
Lady Anne, taking a long, deep breath: He would make you give him blowjobs in the middle of a freezing field. He’d grind your face to his crotch so violently that the buckle of his pants would leave a bloody mark on your forehead. Back at Cranbrook, he raped you in the woods for a goodbye. He’d whip you so hard you could not get up for hours. And here you are, salivating at the mention of his name.
RegJKellspell, sighs, hides his face in his hands: Fuck…
Lady Anne: You’d let him torture you to death with a smile on your face, but you would not let H.M. get you a new pair of underwear. Engagements, Mr. Kellspell? You do not give a shit about any engagements while you were with Jaguar. If it was a choice between the most lucrative engagement and a night with Jaguar, you’d choose Jaguar over that engagement, and, by golly, over your last meal AND your life.”
Wallace Smith: Again, the fight about the underwear. It was 4:30 am on Level 1. Both James and H.M. woke up, and cuddled. Everything was fine, until both got up, and in the light of a lamp with a white shade H.M. told James to “get rid of these panties, they’re ripped!”
Kellspell, who was very proud, having taken his drinking under SOME control, lost it immediately, and attacked H.M. most viciously, like this:
JKellspell: “What the fuck is your problem? I’m NOT throwing away this underwear! I like it! It sis black, and almost new!”
H.M.: It is RIPPED! With a HUGE hole on the back!
JKellspell: But I LIKE this pair and I’m NOT ready to part with it yet!
H.M.: What the fuck is YOUR problem? It’s just a pair of ripped underwear! I do not want you to go around in RIPPED UNDERWEAR!
Jkellspell: It’s NOT like that! I get bonded with my clothes, and I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DECIDES WHEN TO THROW STUFF AWAY! It would hurt me to no end to part with this underwear, and you DON’T CARE what emotional pain you’re causing me by ORDERING me to throw away stuff!
H.M.: You’re such a bitch! I’m trying to HELP YOU by getting you to see that your underwear is thread-worn, and you need a new pair!
JKellspell: You’re a heartless asshole and I hate you! Do you not see that you’re MAKING Me DEFEND MYSELF AND HIDE SHIT FROM YOU, because you’re so heartless and inconsiderate? Have I asked your opinion about my underwear? I feel that you stab me in the back EVERY TIME YOU NOTICE A HOLE IN MY UNDERWEAR AND ORDER ME TO THROW IT AWAY! Now I have to protect myself from you by NEVER showing you my underwear for the fear that you will force me to part withy best friend!
H.M.: What the fuck, James? You’re friends with your UNDERWEAR? I AM SUPPOSED to be your BEST FRIEND!!”
Wallace Smith: 1,5 months apart, the same pattern. Both are suffering. Their quarrel went from 1 to 100 within 40 seconds. H.M. went to the lanai to get lost. In pron and internet news, and James went to the bedroom downed 2 units out of allowable 4 today.
Level 2: James crashes onto his bed. Krotkie follows him, transpiring through air, with Spiral Staircase in the background.
“Good morning, James.” I pretend to just open up my eyes, while, in fact, I was awake since James and H.M. started fighting about the old underwear.
“FUCK!!!!” Kellspell yells and raids Daniel’s bar he calls “aptechka”. “The Little Apothecary”. “H.M. is SUCH A TYRANT! Why do I always have to watch my back with him?! He would not let me rest! I ALWAYS have to expect him say shit like “throw away this underwear, it is torn!” But I”M NOT READY TO! It causes me PAIN to even think of parting with stuff BEFORE I MYSELF DECIDE SO!
“This smells like a tremendous amount of pain the ego is advising you to take to protect a piece of garbage.”
“M-mmm.” Kellspell growls as he drinks whiskey in big gulps. “You are right. The only pain is the one that is caused by the ego’s advice. And I would tell you to get rid of the old underwear if it stood in the way of your happiness and accord with your spouse. But it is a completely different situation, when I’m the one who experiences this back stab.
‘You’re wrong and you know it, James. Dr. Michael would throw away his old underwear if Matushka asked him to.”
“I sure trust Dr. Michael’s judgement.” Kellspell nods.
Krotkie whines very quietly, laying between us. His dark wolf eyes are full of begging and torment.
I get up and fill his bowl from the bag of dog food in the corner of our bedroom. Right underneath William’s coffin… I mean, sarcophagus.
“Stop drinking and eat something.” I advise James as I watch Krotkie gobble up the brown kibbles. “Or you will get sick. It’s 6:30 am and you’ve already been through half a bottle over a pair of old underwear. Surely, if Jaguar told you to throw it away…”
“I see your point. I want to change. I want to get better. For you, for Dr. Michael, for H.M., and for Jaguar.”
Daniel, laying on the edge, facing the sliding door, breathes deep and turns to face the mayhem on the bed. “I feel so useless. Why am I even among all of you? You’re ALL trying to better yourselves, and all I do is eat, sleep, drink, and have sex with James and Jaguar. I broke my Covenant, i never really had a job, and I consider myself a failure.”
We both stare at Daniel.
“That was a sweet confession, my friend! Let me know when you get off your fucking high horse so I could bond with you. I will Golden Thread you as soon as you let me.” Kellspell puts down the bottle.
His deep regret over having to stop drinking is thick in the air.
He wishes he did not have to eat. Only drink.
Until there is no more pain.
Don’t we all.
I get up, go to Daniel’s bar, where Kellspell left the bottle, and down it quickly. With the back of my head I can feel that Kellspell is studying my body.
The frail body of a 61-year old man, who’s life is behind him. The sagging skin, and the sore joints, and the torment of unfulfilled desires. If I only had more time. If only I could hold on. To my youth. Here is a reason to drink: I wish I was young again.
But James Kellspell does not see any of it. He sees me as his worthy partner. He loves me. When he has time.
Jakes Kellspell is also psychic. He can sense my mood. He comes behind me, and caresses my slumped shoulders. He makes me turn around, removes the bottle from my hands and kisses me in the lips.
My old, thin, ugly, worn-out lips of a man who wishes he accomplished more. He caresses the cheeks and the neck of this stinky ancient turtle, who fell out of favour with just about everyone because he got old.
“So cute, Uolles…” James whispers and touches my lips with his. I want to turn away, to save him from having to interact with this rejected, possibly FORMER human being, but Kellspell is relentless. He pulls down my briefs and pushes me on the bed.
Krotkie jumps off and cries for Daniel to open the sliding door. Daniel lets the wolf out, and wants to follow him but James motions him to stay.
Then James makes love to me. The most tender way I ever experienced. He caresses my genitals and brings me to orgasm. I lay there and cry into the sheets that smell like wet dog, and I get up with a mouth full of long, needle-like wolf hair.
“Mt teacher! My fucking teacher!” James cries, sitting by the door, waiting for Krotkie to come back from running in the fake alien woods. “I love him to pieces. This Hafnian omega came to me, he surrendered to me.”
Krotkie runs back from the woods, through the hedge.
Now he is seen sniffing the grass under Mr. Milgram’s apartment windows. Did Mr. Milgram pee out of the window during one of his week-long binges? Did he pee on someone’s head?
Would you rather be PEED on, or thrown a bottle at you head? That’s an off-topic, but boy, what a field for some extensive psychological research.
Disturbed individuals like Mr. Isaak Milgram can offer a ton in terms of the most amazing look into the twisted human nature, corrupted by the ego-machine we fell asleep under. He started with his hatred for the priests who abused boys, but he ended abusing the whole neighbourhood by throwing empty alcohol bottles at passers by. You turn into what you hate?
Krotkie, however, is much too innocent to be involved in it. He is the liaison between ALL OF US. When James needs to send a message to Isaak, he sends Krotkie.
He tried to send Lady Anne, who is ten times cleaner than all of us, but, sensing ego still in her, Mr.Milgram shot Lady Anne’s finger the last Time she tried to talk him out of drinking himself to death.
But not the beer-addicted, cigarette-chewing wolf. Milgram lets him into his apartment, and cries into his fur, like all of us. If Krotkie could only talk.
“Melekh wedded us by the two arrows and a golden rod, burning yellow and red. I became responsible for his livelihood, but he brought a tremendous amount of love and wisdom into my ego-controlled, miserable life” James beckons Krotkie back. “A mute De-Vo-ing creature with an IQ of 70 on the sunniest of days. We communicated via a level-equalizer, because he was unable to understand anything I was saying, or respond on my level.”
Krotkie finally runs to James, and lowers his head to sniff him, while dancing with his tail between his legs.
In omega language it says: “Your smell of a beta\Alpha inebriates me. I am subservient to you, because my brain is telling me to follow what is the most pleasant, and get more of what is so addictive. Your power over me is endless and I’m wholly yours for as long as you continue to excite me with your smell of a smarter dog who knows how to get food and give me sex, the only two things that drive my primordial brain.”
19LKJAG DIARY OF AN ALCOHOLIC: JAGUAR’S SECRETS
“RegJKellspell: I have a few questions for you, my Prince. Because I’m tired of crawling alone in the dark closet, looking for a light switch, when the ego-machine is telling me that “THERE IS NO LIGHT SWITCH and YOU’RE BEING USED BY GOD, and YOU’RE A FOOL FOR LISTENING TO GOD, and Uri Kumlatov is a wreck, and I have not seen Henry in two weeks, and my omegas (Wallace & Daniel) are crying… And that’s just to name a few off the top of my head.
MoretrSardonyx: You remember the time when you thought I was a bad guy, and really far away from you?
RegJKellspell: U-huh. Leot-controlled media made me believe all that. Apparently you were ALWAYS on Melekh’s side. And you were hiding in plain sight.
MoretrSardonyx: You are my best student.
ReJKellspell: And this is from a man who was around for 35 million years and, all in all, taught millions of others.
MoretrSardonyx: What makes you the best?
RegJKellspell: Desperation not to be the last?
MoretrSardonyx (Smiling): No. Love makes you the best. It is when you do something to make your loved one happy. Service to someone who means the world to you.
RegJKellspell:
What about my drinking? I’m totally out of control. I smell a spell.”
MoretrSardonyx: I can dispel that spell.
;RegJKellspell: Got it. These are all the questions I had during this confession session. Please let Melekh know that this drunken sex offender will bring ALL of his sheep home. Mainly because I want to impress a list of people, beginning with Dr. Michael and Matushka, Henry Carlton, a certain Konstantin Montblanc, commonly known as Jaguar, and my Lady Ti, of course, to name a few. Then Lady Anne, who’s been kicking ass consoling me, fixing my messes, and generally making sure I was not crawling in the wrong direction, while in complete darkness of a closet with many a skeleton, most of which are not even mine.”
MoretrSardonyx: Keep up the good job, hon. What are your other questions?”
End of quote.
“Wallace Smith, upon finding this : Oh, my God!”
I had to quote myself to make a segway out of the most interesting confession session I ever witnessed. There was so much more to it, but I just had to surface, because I freaked out.
The reason I freaked out was not because of WHAT I read, but because of WHERE I read it. I read it in a “Time Paradox & Seashell Effect” comic strip, called “Kellspell and Mates”.
In open press, basically.
I think of James, and of how much I love him, and a faint dark cloud appears at the top corner of my triangular LHS Bridgeplate.
“James! Can you talk?”
It’s 7:30 am, and James has been working since 5 am at Jaguar’s, doing chores. Drunk on his ass, but working away. Just the way he likes it. He will do anything for you, but do not ask him to do it while he is sober.
And Jaguar is a very smart military commander.
He finds out your weaknesses.
And then, he does not use them against you. That’s stupid.
He uses YOUR weaknesses to HIS advantage.
Hm, how do I make this dumb young man, completely in love with me, work for me 20 hours a day for a bag of dog food? Letseee… He is an alcoholic and a drug addict? I can get him drunk, keep him drunk, and THEN order him around! Brilliant!
“Yes!”
It worked! I can FEEL him on the “other line”. This alien technology is ALL based on LOVE.
LOVE shortens the distance. If you love someone, you do not care if they’re a thousand miles away, or even 2 million light years away. You will reach out to them in your heart. And that is all that matters.
The AR-SNAP principle. The attraction of two particles that interact with each other simultaneously, regardless of distance.
“Are you using your own channel off your Bridgeplate?” Kellspell’s hoarse tone is now whispering hoarse.
I GOT A HOLD OF HIM! I’m finally learning how to use this amazing communication device, which is this Bridgeplate. A bunch of colors gathered into a triangle that hangs in the air, basically.
I got carried away celebrating my achievements. What do I say? What did he ask me?
But James is intensely psychic. He does not even need a bridgeplate to penetrate my mind.
‘UOLLES! Are you using your PRIVATE ARKCHIL channel?”
“Yes.” Is that the right answer? I guess that’s what I’m doing. You have to have your own Arkchil Channel to be able to operate the Bridgeplate.
“Jaguar is leaking your private channel.”
“How?’ I’m appalled. “Your private channel is guaranteed by the Andromedan Law and the Arkchil Channel Rules.”
JKellspell: U-hih, skip that, underneath in small print: “Unless malfunction exists.”
“No!” I examine my Bridgeplate, as if I can see “a malfunction” in the riot of colors, most of which have functions I have never learned.
“He is using Lemhi Pass 8 minute lapse to search any channel he wishes.” Jim’s speaks fast and there is banging on the background. He is probably cleaning the kitchen while “on the phone” with me.
“James, I’m calling to tell you that I just saw your very private conversation with Prince Moretr published openly in “Kellspell and Mates” comic strip.
James responds even before I finished talking.
“This is OLD NEWS, UOLLES, FUCK! Listen, you’re a Godsend, because I can’t initiate a call without permission, but I have a message for Lady Anne. When she comes down, tell her to look for a package AT THE FRONT of the Rubinstein Compound. A package for her was dropped in the front, fuck, no one ever goes there. We would have never known.”
;“How do you know that? Did you go to the front? You only do that in fall, and it’s summer in Malachite Constellation. What’s in the package?”
“Uolles, Jaguar will catch up to me in the next 40 seconds. He will know the contents of our conversation in 8 minutes, and I need time to cover the true contents and make something up instead. Something is telling me that we’re to keep secret about the package.”
“Should I go there now? Or should I tell Lady Anne to go there?”
“He is coming. Uolles… fuck… We will talk when I get back tonight. Over and out. Crypton, Zenon, Radon, Oganesson.”
James recites the Periodic Table of Elements to get his mind together. The exercise given to him by Uri Kumlatov during his studies at the Estelian Communication School.
I remember the times when James would go around in circles at full moon, repeating the Periodic Table by period, and then by group. Over and over and over again, for hours on end, in the moonlight.
The twisted dark cloud of Jim’s presence on my LHS Bridgeplate dissipates.
I feel that I just got picked up and dropped by a tornado.
His intimate confession to his employer and confidant, put into a comic strip, and published for everyone to laugh and pay money to get more, this is old news? James already knows that he was betrayed by someone on the inside? And he is cool as a dead lion about it?
What about the package? Is it big? Small? How do we conceal it from Jaguar, who is employing ALL of his lifelong military experience to get an upper hand on all of us? He is using the time leak at the Lemhi Pass? How? Who taught him? WHEN? He’s only been here 8 months and he is already figured out how to use an Arkchil Channel malfunction to spy on all of our private channels?
Should I go check the front of our Compound for the package NOW? Or wait for Lady Anne to come down?
And what will happen when Jaguar finds out that I called James at work? Why is it such a crime, anyway?
Last, but not the least, how do I stop the tornado in my head, that Is everything James Kellspell?
I wish someone told me what to think!
It’s only 8 am…. James will not be back until 6 pm, for all I know. He will be ungry as hell, possibly beaten, limping on his left foot, but happy and whistling a song.
Then Lady Anne will put topical antibiotic ointment on his wounds. Most of the time, the lash marks from Jaguar’s riding crop.
And she will record it all painstakingly, and send the report to Matushka. Matushka will get a hold of Lady Ti, and tell her, that James got whipped AGAIN, while in the service of her husband.
Lady Ti will become scandalised, and will want the explanations from Jaguar.
Jaguar will retreat into his apartment and lock the door.
Lady Ti will be left to cry into Matushka’s shoulder, complaining about Jaguar’s temper.
James has to endure minimum 12 hours of Jaguar’s temper. I can’t wait ten hours!
9:13 am
“Uolles! Are you still in bed? FUCK, WALLACE, it’s 9 am!”
Sometimes Jim’s accent thickens when he is flustered, or too excited. And sometimes it clears entirely when he is completely unhinged. Like now.
“Listen, I have some fucked up news from Kumlatov… Wallace! It all depends on what is in that package by the front door.”
I stretch my right hand and shake it to get my Bridgeplate to appear.
“Wallace, I have 20 seconds before Jaguar sees my outcoming on his Bridgeplate and he shows up with an intention of whipping my ass because he found me not working!”
What a horrifying thought. I could never work like that. I could never live like that, I guess. But Jim’s speech is fast, and voice is coloured in deep excitement.
I still can’t get the Bridgeplate to appear, because I’m too sleepy and unfocused. But I can hear Jim’s frantic voice in my head. He is using our COMMON BETA-OMEGA channel. For all I know, he is using ALL of our channels to get ahold of me.
“Wallace, did you ask Lady Anne to pick up the package from the Front door?”
Some friend and faithful secretary I am!
No… I have not alerted Lady Anne… I was asleep all this time. After talking to James I fell asleep… And I slept for 2 hours INSTEAD of waiting for Lady Anne to come down, and TELL HER ABOUT THE PACKAGE!
“James… I fell asleep… I’m sorry.. I have not slept last night because…”
“What was in the package, WALLACE???”
I have not slept all last night because you spent it fucking Daniel. The bed felt like the earthquake, and their Peak felt like the eruption of Vesuvius with both men shaking there and back and moaning loudly in the light of the almost-full moon.
That is why I could not sleep. I was in too much pain over the fact that James never invited me in.
I AM an ugly toad to him, after all.
That is why I fell asleep this morning instead of alerting Lady Anne. It was either that, or starting drinking at 6 am, like Jim does.
“James? Can you wait? I can go look now!”
What else is there left to do? Lady Anne is nowhere to be found. I will either go look for that package myself, or commit harakiri! Let’s see… Go get the package - harakiri? Oh, what the heck. I don’t have a sword anyway.
I put on my dressing gown and get out into the hall to look for the darned stupid package someone dropped off at the FRONT of the Rubinstein Compound.
Why? Doesn’t EVERYONE know that NO ONE uses the front? That we ONLY AND EVER go in and out our BACK sliding doors, or we use the corridor to get to Sheba and Mr. Rubinstein to drink whiskey at night?
THERE IS NO REASON TO USE THE FRONT DOOR! There is nothing there but the woods. This Compound is an ILLUSION built for us by the aliens so we feel comfortable while we’re flying to the Pearly Gates.
The aliens created the spaceship that can bring you closer to God, but they did not know how to operate it. James is the only one who knows how to get to the Pearly gates. He is our only navigator. He has also been taken into custody for a crime, and he’s been under arrest this whole time (six years), so, he never goes anywhere where he is not allowed.
Who does not know that? Who would leave ANYTHING for James or a member of his team AT THE FRONT, when everyone knows that the front is only and ever a cover and an illusion, that has nothing to do with what is going on inside?
20LK JAG
Wallace Smith: Maybe, I must start a new chapter. But James is like a tide, or a flame, or intricate clouds - impossible to stop looking at. Mesmerizing SOB.
“You have not finished cleaning the kitchen.”
“I’m going to do it right now, sir.”
And here is the sound of Jaguar’s riding crop landing on Jim’s back.
MOST of us will scream in pain and not want to have anything to do with this old sadist who is beating me up for some stuff, who cares, how dare he?
But that is not what JAMES KELLSPELL THINKS. Maybe, just maybe, this is what Sheba had failed to see.
Once he absorbs the heat of a whiplash, Jim’s face goes pale, and his lips - blue. And His LEVEL !, sleeping entity says: It hurts! Fuck you! I do not want to be your servant anymore!”
However, his Higher Self kicks in, and his brain, then, says: WOW! That was a rush! What do I do to experience this rush again? Hit me! Hit me, please!”
And Jaguar hits James again, because there is a synapse between them. It’s like fly that gets stung by a spider, and is supposed to die from its poison, but instead, the fly gets the high of his life, and says - wow, spider! You da man! I am so HIGH ON YOUR VENOM… Please, bite me again!
And the spider, psychically connected to its victim in the most of inexplicable ways, can’t wait to sink his fangs into his victim.
He bites again, the fly goes pale, but takes it, and survives it. And they both soar in the most intense sexual dance, mutual chemical exchange, unavailable to those, who have not suffered enough.
I guess, when “you have suffered enough”, you will take suffering as the most precious gift. This is when you remember how to Awaken from this insane dream of non-stop pain. Right?
And if right, why can’t I wake up from the nightmare of my life?
And why my life is a nightmare? James believes that my life should be bliss. I USED to have a good job.