Two Hours To The Pearly Gates Chapter 138

         TRIALS OF JAMES KELLSPELL

    TWO HOURS TO THE PEARLY GATES
       Under Carlton-Kellspell River Sigil

CHAPTER 138 (this file - from 119)   
Carlton-Kellspell-Garner


“If you do not want me to compare you to a dog, then wake up to the Face of God.”

James Kellspell, in some heated argument with a journalist of “Time Paradox & Seashell Effect”.

DO(E)G - Denial Of the Existence of God


                DANIEL GARNER

Joined Emerald Filament Team:  1USJAG
Sponsored by: Lord Henry Carlton
Reason: To keep Regent Kellspell balanced while Henry is in London


4:51pm
24 hrs to time warp jump to Malachite Constellation.

I went to the bathroom, leaving James to drink heavily while doing his chemistry homework and as Krotkie ran around in the snow on the lawn.

28 seconds later I heard a single gunshot.

I rushed out of the bathroom, zipping up my pants as I ran.

James was not in one of his “suicidal moods”. He’d let you know if he wants to kill himself, and he would never surprise you with his dead body. Normally he gives plenty of warning.

So, he must have shot someone else.

Even at Level 2 it was a chilling thought.

But who? We did not expect anyone!

Henry went back to London, and James was to be taken to the yearly field trip to Malachite Constellation.

James was excited about that, and he was looking forward to put elderly, ailing William in the swimming pool on the premises as means of physical therapy for Professor Conroy’s left knee.

Nothing gave any indication for violence.

{James saw Daniel entering his bedroom and tried to shoot him}





10:40 am Denver-Tampa

“Wallace, give me the controls. I will talk.” James gets in front of me at my bridgeplate to broadcast a painful message, meant to reach no one.

James can comment on his now channel, but he has to use mine if he wants his voice on this channel. This channel is fo the Arkchil Operator only.

“I hate my life. I hate the Covenant that is keeping me a slave to a man who will never respect me, will never ask for my opinion, and the man who simply sees me as his convenient, voiceless appendage.”

It does not take me long to start crying. And so I cry throughout his entire heartbreaking speech.

“I should have made SANDWICHES AT HOME. Because after that there WAS NO WAY TO GET ANY FOOD. I did not take enough with me at breakfast in the hotel. Then at the airport there was a 40 minute long line at McDonalds, and, to top it off, you needed to have AN APP ON YOUR PHONE to order food on the plane. Neither one of us had it. I’m facing 4 hours without food. Which never bothered me much before. What bothers me is I’m facing THE REST OF MY LIFE IN INDENTURED SERVITUDE, CONTROLLED BY AN ASSHOLE WHO DOES NOT SEE ME AS A PERSON, BUT ONLY AS HIS TOOL TO PLEASURE HIMSELF.”

I sob into Jim’s shoulder as he is entering this into the bridgeplate by thinking things to say as his left hand is hanging over the left ridge of the triangular LHS Bridgeplate.

“Fuck everyone who is happy. Are they ever? Happiness is an illusion. Surely for me. I will never be heard, I will never see my books published, and I will die in obscurity. This is what happiness is for me - TO BE HEARD. I hate all of you. At least you’ve achieved something. SOMETHING. All I did was sell myself to the motherfucker for the American citizenship.”

I cry, reading this over his shoulder. Lady Anne comes down from Dr. Michael’s apartment.

She approaches me.

“What is going on?” She whispers in my ear.

“James is going to shoot himself at the end of this angry rave.” I respond through my tears.

“Let him.” Lady Anne shrugs and walks outside. There, she prunes Matushka’s roses, and gathers some mint for the tea at 4 pm tonight.

“So tired of this meaningless life.” Kellspell continues, darn well knowing he is in violation of every rule ever written.

Why? Because he is listening to the voice of the ego, and he becomes the dumb robot’s mouthpiece by simply venting his discontent, like now.

“H.M. is your sweet little bear, James.” I say very quietly.

“I need to be dead, Wallace. My life is one big awkward fart.”

“It’s not true, James.”

“This is how “sweet little bear” makes me feel EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY. He rips on me, he pours gallons of disdain on me, he ridicules my appearance and my choices ALL THE TIME. And it’s been 20 years of that. Chances are, there will be 20 more years until one of us croaks. The sooner the better, but I have no reason to expect anything to change any time soon. Life is very painful for me, Wallace. I feel unfulfilled, held back artificially, while others get to express themselves, they get to do what they want, and they get money, too. I get none of that. I’m a caged animal. Caged and gagged.”




4USJAG
Malachite Constellation

“I need you to write this down, Wallace.” James gets out of the swimming pool. “This morning I made an oath to quit ALL drugs, but later, in the kitchen H.M. went after me and yelled at me “to take off all this crap around your neck, why do you always cover yourself up so much? What are you afraid of?”

I was there, yes. This is how it happened.

“I know, James. You had nothing to say, because if you told him the truth, then you both would have become “puppets of the ego”, and started yelling at each other.”

“Right. What was I supposed to answer to that?” Kellspell is distraught, and he is looking for his pipe. “I wear all this to protect myself from THE WILD ANIMAL THAT RIPS INTO MY FLESH DAY IN AND DAY OUT. And that animal IS YOU.”

James starts crying, as he walks across the bedroom to the shower, leaving wet tracks behind.

“I’m not allowed to fight back. But I simply can’t let him undress me. Here we are in Malachite, and H.M. is at it again - you need to wear shorts and take off that stupid collar off your neck and the next mask - blah blah. He is sucking the life out of me. I hate him so deeply, my sweet little Bear. And do you know what I want, Wallace?”

I know what he wants. I lower my head as if I’m interested in my bridgeplate, but actually I need to hide from James now. He has a way of making a conversation very uncomfortable for you.

“I want to die. I’m in SO MUCH emotional pain, and H.M. is, too. But I use drugs to comfort myself, and he uses ME as his punching bag, and as his victim to suck blood from. Like a vampire who has his own human he can suck blood from every time he needs it. This morning I wanted to quit drinking. But then he went after me, and made me remember how uncomfortable it is to live with him. How much pain I’m exposed to. So, what is my incentive to stop doing drugs? I hate everything. 6 more months of being forced to be H.M.’s toy. He has no notion of compassion, no notion of respect. He just pays you to use you and yells at you to do what he wants you to do. So third, so despondent. Possibly, 20 more years of this. And noting else. No other activity to distract my attention from the chain that ties me to the asshole.”


Jim pushed me away from the bridgeplate:

“11:52 am. H.M. is back from dr. appt. I was teaching English to Mielada (Elizabeth). The first thing he did when he came back was attack everything that I am. He went under the sink, and took out all th napkins I store there, the soaps - he threw everything out of there, yelling - THIS GARBAGE IS DRIVING ME OUT OF MY MIND! LANA, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS COLLECT ALL THIS GARBAGE? LOOK AT YOUR CLOSET - IT IS DISORGANIZED AND FULL OF GARBAGE!”

I SAID - it is cheap, legal and friendly. Would you rather me go through $100 000 a year like Tabori? Or cheat on you with other men?”

“I don’t care! Yes! But your habit of collecting garbage DRIVES ME CRAZY.”

You know what I did? I took a THIRD glass of wine, even as I’m allowed only 6. Six glasses at 8 ounces a piece is 2 bottles of wine a day, plus cigarettes, plus blue ksill. The point is, I can only stand the fucking asshole, my “sweet little bear”, ONLY when I’m ultimately trashed. I intend to remain TRASHED until he dies, or until I die. There is no reason for me to clean up. He beats up on me every day. And even when he DOES NOT beat up on me, I am AFRAID he cans tart beating up on me EVERY MINUTE.”

“James, please, you’re not allowed here.” I beg.

“Calm down, Wallace. You HAVE NOT experienced the harsh life I have to live between the beautiful garden and the wonderful swimming pool. This man is out to get me, and I MUST remain with him, uphold the Covenant. If I DO NOT uphold the Covenant, Henry, and ALL OF YOU will go down. I MUSt stay with him even as I want to kill myself. I have been wanting to kill myself for 20 years since I have been with him. My life is PURE TORMENT, and I have to stay with him because I made the pact. The Covenant. This is how you defend the Covenant - with YOU BLOOD. And I know - you’d defended YOURS, but YOU had A LIFE. AND I DO NOT. All I have is the torture chamber. And I will take it for Henry. I will take it for Daniel, and i will take it for my God.”

“James, pleASE let me back. You’re not allowed on tis channel.”

Kellspell, then, jumps in the pool and swims in circles, waving Daniel in.

“I hate my life, Wallace. It is a PURE TORMENT, but I MUST do it to save all of you, and Henry first,”

Crying, and holding on to his 15 pound-overweight stomach  (mainly due to enormous amount of alcohol), James plunges into the cold pool (actually, it is 80 degrees F. Yesterday it was 60, but H.M. warmed it up to 80. It still feels cold for him, I see it on the bridgeplate.

“I SIGNED UP FOR MARTYRDOM, WALLACE!” He screams as he urges Daniel and William, to take th plunge. “AT LEAST under this umbrella I do not need to quit alcohol and drugs! I MUST take it while on the cross!” He screams out of the swimming pool.

I cry.

Daniel cries as he is swimming with James, forced to take off all his clothes and jump in the water, whether he wanted to or not.

Lady Anne is crying.

I can’t imagine another scene in which EVERYONE is crying while swimming in the pool among palm trees.

Everyone cries, and I carry on recording.

“I do not care to sober up, Wallace! I will take my FOURTH drink, aT 12:21 PM, because I’m simply too weak to handle the reality of the man yelling at me for stupid shit. I will get fat, and I will be despised. I love you, Wallace, but you HAD A JOB. Even as you may have been suffering deeply from your parents, and your spouse, and being a trans in a deep closet - you still had an OUTLET. I have NOTHING. All I have is my indentured servitude and the fucker I hate, the fucker that rips me a wound a day to suck blood from me. THIS IS MY ONLY JOB and there will never be another. Fuck you, because you’re so far away, and I LOVE YOU for being here with me on Level 1, watching me crash under the pressure of drugs I take to be able to live another HOUR with this heavy motherfucking LITTLE BEAR I’m supposed to love. I hate you all, who have jobs, that help you get out of the HOUSE where you’re being TORTURED by your spouse. I have NOTHING LIKE THAT. He torments me ANYTIME. I love you and I hate you. Cheers!” Regent Kellspell screams while swimming in the pool.

It takes at least half an hour to burn 200 calories of alcohol he gathers while drinking heavily, trying to protect himself from the pain that Little Bear H.M. is causing him. What can I do? I cry.

Lady Anne has the authority to order James to do anything.

But she is crying with us.

Daniel is crying as he is swimming in the pool together with James.

Five minutes in the pool will not change the fact that he sit gaining2 pounds a week drinking alcohol out of control.

He will kill himself if he was not drinking.

“Na Tixoretskuu sostav otpravitsa! Vagonchik tronetsa, perron ostanetsa! Platochki belye, chasi vokzalnie, planochki belye - glaza pechalnye!”

James is singing loud in Russian as he ie is swimming fiercely, while smoking one cigarette after another.

Daniel, a strong 50 year wolf man, sent here by Henry, who was called to London on business. He is singing together with James, as he can’t understand a word the drunk Russian is yelling mout.

“The handkershiefs are white, and the eyes are sad”. The song says.



“I’m going to kill myself, Wallace.” Kellspell Is laughing in my face loudly. “You all had a life, and I will hang myself the day my mother dies.”

I cry, and Daniel Cries, and Lady Anne stands there with a solemn face.

“My mother is 85 and her blood pressure is 200.”

“I understand that, James.” I say through sobs.

“Once she dies, I’m OFF THE HOOK. God has 5 years to prove to me tthat he loves me more than all those stupid motherfuckers who got hundred of millions of dollars to make movies that only leave you even MORE  emotional devastated. Like “The Avengers”. I risk NOTHINg shitting on the ‘Avengers”. You know why? Because my voice will never b heard, no one cares about what I have to say, and I will hang myself in the closet in the next five years. Meanwhile I will try and drink as mujch as I can.”

“James, please…” I beg, but it is to no avail.

He laughs loudly, his eyes are insane from all the alcohol and drugs he’s been consuming since 5 am.

“In five years I will hang myself, and I CURSE every single person who gets money from God for their projects. I will surely receive zero from that distribution, so what do I care? I was scheduled to be slowly killed by an enormous ASSHOLE that is my Sweet Little Bear. I’d kill myself TODAy, but for my mother. I hate her just as much as every single one of you. Only I can’t do anything about the Covenant that holds me responsible to her. But once she is dead of old age… Boy, am I going to kill myself that very minute. And let me tell you something about my Covennant with H.M. I take a shit on it every day. You know why? Because it is the chain that prevents me from divorcing him and marrying A MOVIE PRODUCER. HE will be just as much of an asshole, but I will pick the one who will LISTEN TO ME when I give him my ideas for a sci-fi movie that will ACTUALLY HELP PEOPLE with their lives. HELP people get over their problems, because MY WORK would contain WISDOM and MEDICINE to help them.”

Well, heck, good luck with that. Who listens to someone else’s ideas nowadays?

But I say nothing, unwilling to push him even further down the treacherous, self-destructive path.


“None of this wishful thinking crap will happen. OTHER people will see their BOOKS COME OUT and conquer the world. BUT I WILL BUY A PRETTY ROPE. God can talk all about the “reward” for me, but I’m almost 50, and I have not seen ANYTHING BUT PAIN AND ABUSE my ENTIRE LIFE. I’m done, Wallace.”

“What about Henry?” I say carefully, and regret it right away. Henry will go through these records and he will accuse me of fanning the flames of the the conflict. You will see.

“Henry?!” James shakes his head. “He has 5 more years to try to get this going, but my advice to him - if he is so desperate for a top, there are thousands of gay men in London and at large who’d be VERY HAPPY to top him. What is his infatuation with me? Doesn’t he see that I was left to be eaten alive by an angry animal like H.M.? What is Lord Carlton’s problem, anyway? Fuck, Daniel here is an omega - but he can TOP! So, why wouldn’t Lord Carlton abandon the lost case like me, and just simply pay Daniel to top him? I have no idea what the problem is.”

I KNOW what the problem is. James lost his faith. But, it is temporary.



4:30 pm

James was trying to make a salad for us, but he was so drunk he cut his finger, and bled all over the lettuce and the cucumbers. Lady Anne SENT HIM BACK TO HIS BEDROOM.

His bedroom is only 20 feet away from the kitchen. James sat on the bed,  holding the napkin to his right index finger that was sliced CLEAN OFF quite a bit from the top.

James did not cry, but drank 6 glasses of wine by 5 pm. That’s two bottles.

I tried to give him another napkin, but he said, and o quote: “This napkin will not help me get funding to advertise my book, Wallace. I’d rather bleed to death than face another day AS A MUGGLE whose dreams did not come true.”

I cried, and Daniel cried, kneeling at his feet.

“I care not for the pain and the blood.” James, then, commented. “Here it is, Wallace - I can give you a prediction that will hold truth - there will be another 6 MONTHS OF NO ONE KNOWING THAT I EXIST WITH MY STUPID MESSAGE. MY BOOKS. I WANT TO BLEED TO DEATH. IT WILL SHOW GOD THAT I WAS WILLING TO DIE TO GET MY BOOK OUT. BUT HE CARED NOT. HE WAS TOO BUZY GIVING PROJECTS TO Lady Anne, WHO IS BEAUTIFUL. HE WAS TOO BUSY GIVING FUNDING TO HENRY, AND EVEN YOU. BUT NOT ME. HE WILL OVERLOOK ME FOR ANOTHER LONG 6 YEARS BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS.”

I wanted to comfort him, but he fell to the floor, laughing hysterically.

“I will be forgotten. I will never see the wonderful lights of fame, that ALL OF YOU, even DANIEL, have experienced. All I got in life was indentured servitude and obscurity, and death. Everyone will continue ignoring me and my thoughts, and my books. God tells me to break away from “my” ego. But how would it help, Wallace? Ego screams for attention. All my obedience does is allows God not to notice me for another ten long years. I care not to live in silence and obscurity. I have no choice but to side with the ego that tells me how to HURT GOD. It is only if YOU  SCREAM LOUDLY, that He will pay attention to you. Apparently, no matter how much you pray, no matter how much you ask Him as to WHY YOU’RE HERE, He will not answer. But scream about your stupid book a and the funding for the movie will fall on your head!”

“James, please, let me take care of your wound,” I say.

“Fuck it, Wallace!” James kisses Daniel, who is crying, and on his knees, ripping his shirt and pants off, wanting to give himself to James.

“James, if you kill yourself, I have no idea how I will ever show my face to Henry. He told me to keep you alive.” I beg, and I know that it will not help.

‘Henry is mistaken.” James says, staring at his profusely bleeding hand. “He THINKS that I’m THE CHOSEN ONE”, and he thinks that he can get the yield right away, like with his own life.” Kellspell takes a breath, during which he downs a seventh drink, which makes it TWO BOTTLES AND ONE 8 OUNCE DRINK AFTER.

“James, please!” Daniel and I both beg, but it does nothing to Kellspell’s resolve.

“God gave me the ability to speak and write, but He absolutely refuses to give me any money for my art. FUCK ALL OF YOU and HENRY for being able to make money on your TALENTS. I have no chance of ever lettiing the world know that I exist!”

Kellspell rips the napkin off his finger, and he bleeds on his bridgeplate as he speaks.

“HAHAHA! Bitches!” He yells, as he finishes his 2 bottle and 8 ounces by 5 pm. “I hate you all, and I will show you how a man will die!!! I will not bleed to death, that’s stupid. But I will hang myself the day my mother dies. You will see. Henry is mistaken. He somehow thought that I was “chosen”, but God never meant for me to be “chosen”. Henry made a mistake. Let him go his happy “CHOSEN” way. God loves HIM, but NOT ME.”

Kellspell staggers around, bleeding on everything he touches. That includes Krotkie’s blanket.

Krotkie licks his blood off his blanket, and looks at James mournfully.

“The ego is telling me: God does not give a shit about you unless you scream, take hostages and yell that you will commit suicide if He does not give you what He hoards. He HOARDS wealth, fame, all the good stuff. And He only gives it to you when you hold HIS TREASURED FAVORITES as hostages. This is what Uri Kumlatov is doing. NOW I understand why Uri is holding the Pelargonium family hostage. Because there IS NO OTHER WAY to let God know that YOU EXIST and you want a BETTER FATE. I tried to get Kumlatov to release the Pelargoniums, but I will no longer advocate for that. Kumlatov was around for 50 million years, and all he got from God was crap. So, he took PeLARGONIUMS hostage, and now things are moving. For so long I could not understand his stance, and…” Kellspell staggers and falls between the table and the partition. “Now I see - unless you HURT THOSE THAT GOD LOVES, you will not get ANYTHING.”

“James, please…You’re not. The only one who is suffering.” Daniel lifts his head and lets James kiss him on the lips.

“That’s what JAGUAR told me!!!” James screams in Daniel’s face, and then he can’t help but kiss the very handsome man that Henry sent James to keep him afloat and connected.

“Maybe he is right.” I say as the last resort,  but a new glass of wine is in Jim’s shaking hands.

“Maybe!” Kellspell breathes the mix off cigarettes and alcohol in my face. ‘But I’m 50 years old, and I’M TIRED OF WAITING. The ego might be a  macnine, but when I programmed it, I KNEW the TRUE NATURE of God.”

“Have another cigarette”. Daniel says. He does not smoke, but he starts one and hands it too James in hope of prove noting him from opening a THIRD BOTTLE.

“I will” Kellspell takes the cigarette from Daniel. “But fuck you, anyway. You banged on His door your WHOLe LIFE and THEB NLY TIME YOU GOT. A BRAKE WAS WHEN  YOU SAID TO GOD - 5 MORE YERS OF BEING A WAITER BEFORE I MAKE IT IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS.: AFTER YOU SAID THAT - SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. I’M TELLING YOU, DANIEL - THE DUMB EGO MACHINE IS RIGHT - UNLESS YOU THREATEN GOD, HE WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY GOOD STUFF. HE WILL KEEP YOU ON SCRAPS FROM HIS TABLE, FEEDING HIS BEST FAVORITES… UNLESS YOU TAKE ONE OF THEM HOSTAGE. LIKE FUCKING Commander Kumlatov. KUMLATOV IS RUGHT AFTER ALL..”

Kellspell crumbles on the floor, and cries, smoking Daniel’s cigarette.

“KUMLATOV IS RIGHT, WALLACE!” James yells in my face, strips naked, and and jumps into the pool.

“James, please!” I howl, sobbing.

“God will not give me what I want, so I will bleed to death, and I will drink myself to death.” Kellspell downs another glass, while rubbing my shoulder with his profusely bleeding hand. “I/m facing ANOTHER 6 moths in oblivion, while OTHER DUMB assholes with not a dig original though to their head are ENJOYING ten million dollars a month! I never thought I’d say it, but Henry is an IDIOT for having put all his chis ON ME. HE IS GOING TO LOSE. I’m going to make it easier fir him… I’ll drink myself to death to just to show him that he IS A LOSER and and DUMBASS to have put stakes ON ME. NO ONE WANTS MY ART, Wallace! Even GOD does not want me.”

“Henry gave you an assignment.” I remind, pulling Daniel off the floor, and giving the sobbing omega a glass of wine.

“That assignment lasted 3 days.” James reminds me. “Three DAYS IN LOS-ANGELES. I was GIVEN A TASTE of GOOD LIFE where people NEED ME. Oh, it was SWEET. And after that - oh, a lifetime full of NOTHING. A lifetime FULL OF BEING ABUSED BY A 63 year OLD MAN.”

“JAMES, PLEASE.” I hate myself for saying this. B these are the only lines I have.

“Merion is right, too.” Kellspell continues, lighting up another cigatrette. “WHERE IS GOD?”, he asked of me, when I finally broke down and told him of all my troubles. WHERE IS GOD, where I have been writing since I was 16, and all I got was indentured servitude for 20 years in America. What was THE POINT of getting to America? To be a voiceless slave of a rich American man?”

“Henry wants you.” I manage to say between sobs. I can feel his pain. I take his blood non my lips, as he run his bleeding hand over my lips many a time during his angry rant.

“Henry is nothing but a 10 year old a heart.”  Kellspell responds. “That is why, due to his loneliness and immaturity, he CHOSE THE WRONG MAN. He wanted me because ehe mistakenly believed that I was God’d FAVORITE, like Henry himself. But God cares nothing about me. If He did, He’d give me a writing assignment, that would make me VALUABLE in the eyes of other people, or God Himself, or Henry, for that matter. But all they do is transfer me from one base to another, and they NEVER give me ANYthing to work on. THEY say that “I’m not ready.”. IS ANYOMNE EVER READY? But they gave YOU a HUGE part in a project no one will never forget.”

‘It is over now, James.” I mumble, and I know it is not going to sell/

“BUT YOU HAD IT!!!” Kellspell yells in my face, breathing out clouds of smoke. “AND will turn FIFTY in 2 years. I have N OT SEEN ANY GRACE OF GOD. All I saw was bitter indentured servitude. For the love of God, I will testify on the side of the dumb ego machine, which WAS my OWN voice, when abeam distraught with God, NOT giving me ANYTHING DECENT. With GOD only and ever picking SOMEONE ELSE to give them the SWEET PIECES. All I got what scraps from THEIR table, always, WALLACE!!”




6USJAG

“Is he being weird again?” Lady Anne walks in on me and Daniel trying to get James off the floor. He is naked and crying, but, surprisingly, not drunk.

“Ups and downs the last two days.” I whisper, leaning over my most beloved mate.

“OK.” Lady Anne whispers back.

We whisper because William is sleeping. William has not been out of bed since he took all of Jim’s pills trying to kill himself.

Even James is crying quietly not to wake up his newly re-discovered old flame.

“I brought you something, James!” Lady Anne takes a bunch of what appears to be cat toys out of a plastic bag. Then she takes a bundle of shiny, reflective tinsel strings and shakes them in front of Jim’s face.

“Ohh!” Kellspell’s eyes light up. He tries to grab the tinsel strings, but Lady Anne moves it out of his reach. “Who is a good boy? Go get the ball!”
;She throws a small plastic ball with something inside of it that makes noise as the ball rolls under the bed.

“Ohhh!!” James breaks away from us and crawls under the bed after the ball.

He catches it there and giggling and happy noises are heard.

“What is happening?” Daniel asks, very surprised.

‘DeVo is a terrifying thing, but it has its moments.” Lady Anne takes the tinsel strings and lowers them so that James under the bed could see. His hand stretches out and grabs the strings.

Chewing noises are heard under the bed, and then Kellspell emerges with tinsel strings in his mouth and a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“Here.” He hands the bottle to Lady Anne. ‘I found my old stash. I do not need this anymore.”

Lady Anne nods with satisfaction, take the bottle and, to our chagrin, pours it outside.



“I asked God to help me quit drinking, and this is what happened.

“We’re standing on the bottom of a sand quarry. There is a 90 degree wall of sand towering above me at the height of a five-storey building. There are trees and vegetation on top. I’m standing with some woman I do not know. There are people partying in the distance behind us.

And then, I see this large Grizzly bear coming our way. When only about 20 meters between us are left I know that fucker is coming for us. This is where he turns and heads straight for the quarry wall. And starts climbing.

On one hand, I’m glad the fucker did not go after us, but on the other - I see that the sand crumbles from under the bears’s feet, and yet, he claws his way up the 90 degree wall made of SAND.

I ask the woman by me - do you see the bear? And she shakes her head, her eyes are barely awake with a bored expression.

I give up on the muggle bitch and continue to watch the bear, who is already almost halfway up that wall. Still climbing. This is when the bear VANISHES. He was just here - dark-brown hairy mass on the background of yellowish sand, and suddenly - the bear is gone.

I literally watched him cease to exist half-way up the hill, in semi-shadows of vegetation and trees on top.

This is where I woke up.” Kellspell takes a well-deserved breath.

“Where did you wake up, Mr. Kellspell?”

“In the middle of the night, Malachite Constellation Headquarters, Level 1. But the weirdest part happened in the morning. The next morning I felt like a child. Granted, I never felt good as a child, but the point is, I was new, fresh, and I did not feel any desire to drink. I have not drank ever since. Only for the purposes of sex with H.M.”

“How long has it been?”

“Five days. You remember, I could not last 40 minutes to my next dose? It’s been five days since I emerged from that nightmare.”

“Is that what you think the bear meant? It came for you, but God directed it elsewhere, until it was completely gone from your life?”

“Yeah, sounds like it.” James agrees, studying Lady Anne’s features.

He is fascinated by her. They first met



“Lady Ti is not well, James.” Lady Anne takes a deep breath and fixes William’s blanket, pulling it over his slumped shoulder. “She may not make it to Christmas.”

Kellspell frowns, still chewing on the tinsel string.

“You are her last chance to retrieve Jaguar. If you do not get yourself together, the web will fall apart. We are only here because of you. And you have to fight for Jaguar.”




JKellspell: “I know Henry is in a lot of pain. That is why I will not contemplate suicide anymore. He always told me that he hated when I talked about it. To him - it is the untimate act of betrayal towards your family. Granted I have no family I care about, HENRY now is my FAMILY. He is the only one who gives a shit about me. So, I must do what he is asking me to do - quit threatening suicide.”

Lady Anne: How can you achieve that, James?

JKellspell: U-huh, right. It’s like asking a habitual offender to quit his burglaries. Or to ask an alcoholic to quit drinking. It’s just, when I wake up in the morning, about half the time, I am in a “flattened” state, under ego-control. There, the machine gives me along list of things to be upset about. I listen to that, and FULLY AGREE. Then, I drink a bunch of disgusting, destructive ego-protocols, like “self-pity (NES-sp poison), hatred, envy, and all that. But then I smoke blue ksill, and WOW - suddenly I RISE ABOVE all that bullshit. Like - I was a drawing on a piece of paper, and the ego trampled all over me with its dirty stacks. Like a newspaper on the street, stepped on and kicked by the passers-by. But after blue ksill I, the torn, beaten down, faded drawing in that newspaper, raise in a 3-d shape above the dirty pavement, all the troubles that were beating me, and everything the ego piled up on me to hurt me. And I see the Face of God. I hear His voice. he says - everything is fine. I’m going to take care of ALL of your issues.”

Lady Anne: “Why don’t you stay with Him, now that you have Awakened?”


JKellspell: I try, but, unfortunately, I fall back asleep. And again - I feel like a photograph in the newspaper - flying across streets, falling on the road. I feel the tires of cars press me even further into the unforgiving asphalt, I shiver under the relentless rain. Then I get picked by the wind, and thrown against a scrathy wall. Then I fell under the feet of some self-absobed person, who spits right into my soul, unaware that the photograph is alive and can feel everything. And then I fear the worst, as I see that the wind picks me up against, only to slam me with all its might on the sharp ends of a metal fence. The wire of the fence pierces the photograph in the newspaper, ripping my heart and soul. I bleed, I cry the invisible tears, I scream for help, but nothing comes out of my throat. My feelings a real, but to everyone around I’m put a picture in a torn piece of newspaper…”

Lady Anne: Why do you think you feel this way?

JKellspell, spreading his hands: Because THIS IS what I PROGRAMMED the machine to make me believe in the dream, which is tis reality! I fell here through physical birth, but in reality THE REAL ME is stil in that room, under the ego-device, that is dictating to me, who is now asleep, what I must experience. What we call “higher self” to us here is a mix of ego-voice and Father’s voice. But, deeply asleep and with no way of knowing which is which, we are just swimming in the cold, dirty sea of convoluted suggestions and explanations as to what is going on in my head and why.”


JKellspell: I know that Henry loves me. And I will give ANYTHING for him. I am shocked, that after my entire life as a torn shred of a newspaper, exposed to all the winds, and every possible abuse and humiliation there ever was, I was given a man who finds me very useful, unique, irresistible and valuable. I will readily give him my life for that. For how he makes me feel. He makes me feel SPECIAL. He may yell at me, he may beat me within an inch of my life, my Arkchil Operator may have resigned over how I was treated by Lord Carlton, but to me - he is the best. For I know why he is doing it. He is doing it because I can take it. And he is doing it because it is how he expressed his utmost love and dependence on me.”


Lady Anne: And why are you down today?

JKellspell: It’s the NEW MOON, that’s why. Yesterday was the last day I felt OK, because the Grace from the PREVIOUS waning moon was still upon us. But today I’m, again, exposed to the powerful pull of the dumb celestial object. For the next gruelling two weeks.”

Lady Anne: When that happens, what do you do?”

JKellspell: The same thing you do. You come to “your” ego, because you have NO ONE ELSE TO COME TO, and you whine - why… why… Why do I feel so shitty today? Like a broken fucking record. And the ego, of course, tells you what you PROGRAMMED it to tell you - it’s H.M.’s fault (insert the name of your partner here). And it advises you to “make revenge” to H.M. for how he ruined your life. You are in disbelief, because you KNOW that you LOVE your partner, and he did so much to make you happy… That is IF YOU STILL realise that. For the most part you’re too asleep to see that the ego is leading you away from someone you USED TO LOVE. But then this happened, and that happened, and what an asshole he(she) is… Blah Blah.”

Lady Anne: “This would need to come to God to help you be clear on WHAT IS REALLY HURTING YOU.

JKellspell: Yes, correct, you’re smart! That is why I admire you. Not only are you Awake on Level 1, you also consciously sacrificed yourself for the benefit of others, repeatedly and confidently. Big time, my Lady. That is why I submit to you. Because you have conquered “your” ego. Or, rather, defeated your own desire to keep coming to listen to the insane device.”

Lady Anne, smiling: Thank you. Mr. Kellspell. But let’s get back to our research into the roots of evil.

JKellspell: The roots of evil, ha, I never thought of it before. Ok… So you’re upset, and the ego is telling you that your spouse is to blame. It also gives you a LIST of shit your spouses did that is unforgivable. You remember it, and you get even more upset and depressed. When all that has boiled up in you, you come to the ego AGAIN (as you’re too asleep to remember the magic words to get to FATHER Who’d tell you the TRUTH.). That was ‘Step 1” of Further Separation. So, your dumbass comes to “your” ego, and the ego is only too happy to move on to Step 2 of “Grand Separation Plan”, or whatever it is you want to call this garbage. The ego is not ready to help you plot, HOW to make revenge to H.M., the motherfucker who ruined your life. And you go for it, believing all this shit sincerely. Totally buying into this smelly crap. You hurt him (her), having completely forgotten, WHO IS REALLY TO BLAME. Who started it. Who created the ego that gave me the drink that poisoned me? It was ME! But I programmed the ego to keep this from the “sleeping me”. Who PUT ME as a PICTURE in an eternally tormented piece of newspaper?  IT WAS ME! But I programmed the machine to tell me to blame GOD. Who is currently trying to Awaken me to the REALITY. To Love and Protection and Care  I haven’t known in 13,5 billion years.”

Lady Anne: So, we have established, that you’re in pain. But not because God would not give you a fate of a successful writer?

JKellspell: Yes, and no. I’m NOT in pain. In REALITY (Where God is Present and Clearly Visible) I’m not in pain. I’m only in pain in my sleep (Where God is a distant notion at best). And, so, some people hear that it is their spouse to blame. I hear that it is God to blame.



JKellspell: Have you read “Wizard of OZ”?

Lady Anne: Yes.

JKellspell: It’s similar. Only here the “Wizard of OZ” Leot knows that his world is built out of ice. And he is afraid of the sun, because his ego is telling him, that as soon as the sun rises - his world will melt away.
;Lady Anne: How so, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell: See, I’m the First Ray of Light to reach The Andromeda Galaxy. Leot KNOWS that as soon as I’m there, I will “melt away” the cold that caused every single civil war he ever suffered, because he refused to Awaken to the Face of God. He is scared of God. You know why?”

Lady Anne: No.

JKellspell: Leot is the most powerful, most manipulative being you’ve ever known. Not me, I’ve known worse. Lierance is friendly, but just as afraid of waking up, as Leot. His refusal to Awaken caused rivers of blood on Crumbling Rose, but Lierance refuses to admit it. In this episode he is on our side, so worry not that he is more fucked up than Leot. Anyway. Still, as powerful as he is, Leot is a hostage of “his” ego. “His” ego is brainwashing him that if he lets God into his world, his world would disappear.”

Lady Anne: I’ve heard of that on Andromedan TV…

JKellspell: No, you’ve heard that from me. The Andromedan TV would eat dog shit before it mentioned the word “God”. So, strike that out. Leot is mortally afraid of me. He knows I will bring CLARITY into the mess, LIGHT into the darkness. I will stop the civil war because I can SEE the reasons for it.




9USJAG


Lady Anne: Please tell me what happened yesterday.
;JKellspell, shrugs: Yesterday, as I was getting dressed to go out for breakfast, H.M. noticed that my underwear was somewhat ripped. He told me to get rid of it, and, instead of complying, I retorted that I get to decide when to throw away old underwear. That pissed him off, and he accused me of “being a Russian “bydlo”, despite 25 years in the USA. One thing led to another, and I said I was going back to Genesis17. And he said he will file for divorce. Obviously, “my” ego said - YES! YOUR LUCKY BREAKTHROUGH! GO FOR IT! SAY MORE NASTY THINGS TO PISS HIM OFF! WE FINALLY GOT THE FIRE GOIN’! MAYBE IF YOU BREAK AWAY FROM THE ASSHOLE, YOU CAN MEET A NICE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER WHO WILL FINALLY LISTEN TO YOUR MOVIE IDEAS!”

Lady Anne, shocked: What did you respond?

Jkellspell: I looked at Father, and He was crying, that I was going to choose the dumb robot over HIM again. And although the robot was making sense, and Father was not (this is what it looked like, I chose Father. So, I apologised for my rude behaviour, and I told H.M. that I loved him.

Lady Anne, excited: So, our exercise worked! You imaged H.M. as your “little bear” who needs your love and care, and that is why you decide to abandon the ego and go for God’s Desire to Preserve the Seed Of Love?

JKellspell, looking at Lady Anne like she is speaking Chinese: No. My right top tooth was hurting. I imagined a bill of $500, and no money to pay it. I imagined $1500 a month worth of expenses connected to my mother and her caregiver (Merion!), plus my medical bills. So I got on my knees and begged for forgiveness, because I have no money.

Lady Anne, disappointed: OK. What else happened then?

JKellspell: And then ur turn came up, and we went into this busy restaurant. H.M. ate and still grumbled, because he was upset with my disobedience, and I was wishing for Dobry to be dead so that I could be off the hook, and could finally kill myself.

Lady Anne: These are terrible things, that you’re saying.

JKellspell: U-huh, whatever. You know what “terrible” is? ‘Terrible” is when you need six 8 ounce units a day, but you can only take 4. And 4 is too much, because you’re gaining 2 pounds a week drinking like a sailor. “Terrible” is when you calculate that by the end of the year you will be 75 kg (now I’m 62), and the fat will get into your facial features. By the age of 50 you will turn into fat old “Missis Pississ” you’ve always hated, instead of being a writer (movie producer) you always dreamt to be. “Terrible” is when you see people half your age make ten times your annual allowance with H.M. ($24 000 +room and board) and enjoying their life, while you’re chained to an old motherfucker who shows you how mean he can be, because you spent 22 years serving him upon the advice of God, instead of beating feet, like “your” ego told you. “Terrible” is when you KNOW that God means well, you just can’t stop drinking because your dreams did not come true. ‘Terrible” is when you realise that you’re too old and too fat to change anything in your life, because all you know is indentured servitude. And you would to know any of it, my young Lady, because you spent a life of privilege and non-stop engagements. So did Henry, so did everyone else.

Lady Anne, grabbing the facts in front of her, much like a rock-climber who very nearly fell of the cliff, but got back and is now holding tight and progressing forward: What was the good part?

JKellspell: The good part was when I saw Daniel chained up and ready to be sacrificed in the name of Love. Apparently he is here to protect the Seed of Love that is Me&H.M. Once “my” ego manages to get me to direct a knife at the throat of my love for H.M., he will be there to lay his life to defend what is most important to Father. That was cool.

Lady Anne: See, you’ve got good team mates.

JKellspell: Please. I’m no longer five years old to believe this. Daniel is not the martyr he wants to be. At least, not yet. He DID GET WHAT HE WANTED way before he was 50. He may have spent his whole life TRYING to get engagements, but by the age of 37 he landed a project that lasted for 8 years. I care nothing for money, and it is not about money. The LONGEST I was EVER engaged in ANYTHING WORTH MENTIONING was 1 week. For 9 years. I week a year, nine years. And even that is long gone now. You think Daniel is my friend? You think YOU are my friend? I’m telling you, alcohol is my only friend. I’m looking forward to THAT. Not to any one of you. Every single one of you has three engagements a year. While I’m here, and no one gives a shit about me.


JKellspell, looking as if he was hit by a lightning: Fuck. I’d do anything to be his slave again.

Lady Anne, laughing now: You da man. The record shows that Jaguar had abused you ten times worse that H.M. could ever dream of. You took it, you loved it, you drained Jaguar into exhaustion (granted he is 99), and you sat by the door all night waiting for more. And then you tripped all over yourself to tell anyone who’d listen that Jaguar soaked a riding crop in his urine and hit you across your face with that.
;JKellspell, covering his face with his hands: OK, OK, you got me. I do not understand that myself. I hate H.M. for CARING for me, and I love Jaguar for torturing the shit out of me.

Lady Anne: You are an alcoholic and a violent sex offender, Mr. Kellspell. But above all, you’re a hypocrite. When you were with Jaguar, you never even thought of rebuking anyone about their successful engagements. You felt yourself at the top of the world and you PITIED all of us for not knowing the EXTASY of TRUE LOVE. I was there, Mr. Kellspell. I SAW your smug face every time you’d walk by me on your way back from Jaguar’s office. So, you CAN lay a sacrifice for love. Why not for H.M.?

JKellspell, rubbing his face with his hands: Ohhh… You’re breaking my balls, you do…

Lady Anne: I’m just trying to get to the truth, Mr. Kellspell, that’s all. So, what is missing here?

JKellspell: Patience… God is always right, ego is always wrong. I was wrong to have sided with the ego. I was pissed that I got no engagements, so I took it out on H.M.

Lady Anne: An alcoholic, a sex offender, a hypocrite AND a liar. I forgot your main title, Mr. Kellspell. “James Kellspell, The Greatest Liar”. You DID have an engagement this year. Henry sent you one, and you went to Los Angles for the filming of your and Darler’s story.

JKellspell: Ahh.. yeah… Can I have another gulp of whiskey?;
Lady Anne: Not until 10 am, Mr. Kellspell. It is 6:47 am now, and you’ve already downed two shots. Go smoke some cigarettes, come back, and I will tell you what to do if you EVER want to work for Jaguar again.

JKellspell, with burning eyes: YES?

Lady Anne, taking a long, deep breath: He would make you give him blowjobs in the middle of a freezing field. He’d grind your face to his crotch so violently that the buckle of his pants would leave a bloody mark on your forehead, he raped you in the woods for a goodbye. He’d whip you so hard you could not get up for hours. And here you are, salivating at the mention of his name.

RegJKellspell, sighs, hides his face in his hands: Fuck…

Lady Anne: You’d let him torture you to death with a smile on your face, but you would not let H.M. get you a new pair of underwear. Engagements, Mr. Kellspell?  You do not give a shit about any engagements while you were with Jaguar. If it was a choice between the most lucrative engagement and a night with Jaguar, you’d choose Jaguar over that engagement, and, by golly, over your last meal AND your life.

JKellspell is not answering, watching Daniel come out of Henry’s Chambers in Henry’s dressing gown. He approaches Lady Anne’s bridgeplate and looks over the transcript of the conversation.

Daniel Garner (here on special invitation from Lord Henry Carlton): “An alcoholic, a sex offender, a hypocrite.” Impressive credentials, Mr. Kellspell. Don’t forget a sucker for punishment and a pain junkie.
;JKellspell, crushed by the attack from both of them at the same time: I would have disengaged from Jaguar. I knew we were buying the Emerald Filament just for the two of us, hurting the rest of the team.

Lady Anne, relentlessly: You only stopped when you both were FORCED to stop. Lady Ti found out and she was pissed, and she forbade Jaguar from seeing you until otherwise ordered.

JKellspell, watching Daniel removing Henry’s dressing gown, and flexing his muscles.


And here you are, whining about the second best thing (projects/engagements), because you know that seeking Jaguar secretly would hurt Lady Ti. And the only reason you are not trying to sneak out to see Jaguar is because you do not want to upset Lady Ti. I’m sorry to tell you, Mr. Kellspell, but your consciousness is a shred of what it used to be, and made yourself into Jaguar’s toy. You’d sell your soul to the Devil to get back to Jaguar. But you hate to take care of H.M., who is always there for you.





10USJAG


“Did you sleep well last night?”
;I wince and feel a hand on my right shoulder.

“Yes.” I respond.

“Relax. You’re always so uptight, Mr. Smith.” Daniel walks by me and to the bed, on which William is, basically, in a permanent vegetative state. Or whatever you want to call it on Level 2.

Jim’s team has been stretched thin as of late:

One Devo-ed (Wolf “Krotkie” Hafnian), hence on restricted duties.
One too young to work (H.M.)
One forced into exile (has to live and work by night, Richard Rockford)
And one too old and sick to work (William Conroy)…
Plus, one tied to Arkchil Network (yours truly). That is why they can’t give me any more responsibilities.
And one in London, tending to urgent, very important matters.

James knew it. But he resisted every attempt to bring in any new members, giving us only four names of Gold Card Holders he’d accept. Unfortunately, ALL of those respected gentlemen were already in their seventies, many with terminal illnesses. James knew all of them when they were in their forties, and it’s been 30 years.

During restricted-access meetings, to which James was not invited, Henry screamed and yelled that he was “tired of the geriatric facility”, and about the necessity to “liven up the scene with fresh workforce”.

We voted unanimously in favour of bringing new people. Only no one knew how. James can make your life hell, and he can easily paint you out of the picture if he does not like you. Inviting anyone without Jim’s approval was like throwing a rabbit into a cage with a tiger.

Finally, James relented and let Henry bring in a non-Gold Card holder, for someone to actually work.

And, after a tense week of getting used to, and threats from Henry (exactly as it happened with me), James accepted Daniel Garner.

Mr. Garner has a completely different approach to communication than James, or Henry, or William. He is warm, friendly, personable, and he touches you when he is talking to you. Like right now. His hand is on my shoulder. Who does that nowadays?

‘Did you?” I answer, having gathered my scattered wits. “Did you sleep well last night?”

Daniel slept with us, like every night since Henry sent him in.

“No. I woke up at about 2 am.” Daniel continues, taking off a light overcoat, and putting it on the bed.

He will be staying in Henry’s Chambers, so no need for me to worry as to where he is to put his belongings. He’s got a place.

“You should have taken some of Jim’s pills.” I try to joke and feel awful, as William is right here. In a coma, but here.

“Right. We already have one who did that.” Daniel smiles without a hint of embarrassment. “Anyway. The reason I mentioned last night, is because I wanted to share with you as to WHY I woke up.”

“Go ahead.” I encourage and know that I can expect ANYTHING from Daniel. Literally anything. He is not unhinged, not at all. But he is very brave and he takes a lot of risks to get where he needs to be. Stuff he does are not drunken stunts, like those of James. They are bold, calculated steps.

“I woke up because I felt someone’s intense attention. Turns out James was awake. I felt him sitting on the bed and scanning me. I never opened my eyes, though.” Having taken off the coat, Daniel goes to the kitchen and comes back with an Oreo cookie. They’re H.M.’s favourite, so James keeps them close to give one to his precious “Little Bear”, if he gets cranky.

“He would sense that you were awake. He can feel the difference between your sleeping and awakened state.” I try to explain to everyone right away that James Kellspell is psychic, this is not bullshit, and you have never encountered anything like that before. And if you’re trying to deceive him - he will not only detect it, but is going to want to know why, and that would attract even more of his attention to you.

“That I know.” Garner nods. He is not fazed, or surprised. He feels confident in a very fast, rocky, tricky mountain river that is James Kellspell.

“What information was he looking for?” I ask, and wonder if I should even continue this conversation. Normally, James would not search anyone’s mind while they’re asleep. It is a rude invasion. So, whatever Jim was looking for, he wanted to get secretly, bypassing his own rules. In this case, do I even need to stick my nose into that?

Daniel Garner fell on Jim’s head in a rather unexpected manner, after Henry got fed up with William’s inability to control James even when Professor Conroy was awake. Granted, he was not awake in weeks, ever since he OD’d on Jim’s pills trying to kill himself. He was brought back by the Arkabin doctors, but that did very little to his overall ability to function.

That left Henry with a soldier he could not control.

Hence, Daniel Garner.

So, turbulent times call for unapproved measures. I clearly saw why James would break into Daniel’s mind in search for intel as to who the man is.

“You’d be surprised, but he was not looking for any information.” Daniel finishes the cookie and rubs my shoulders. It feels unusual, because I barely know him. “I felt him penetrating rather deep levels of my consciousness to see if I was truly happy and OK the way I said I was, and if I was not, he wanted to see what I lacked, so he could possibly help me get to the happy place.”

“That is very nice of him. It is a good sign. He is warming up to you even after you asked William’s name removed from the Triangle, replaced by yours.” I say.

But what I think is a completely different story.

Constantly drunk, on drugs, suicidal, homicidal, depressed and twisted in knots, what does James Kellspell know about “happy places” in your mind. And if he does, how come he, himself, never visits those.

The fact that James WAS NOT looking for information in Daniel’s mind is not nearly as surprising as the real reason as to why he intruded upon Daniel.

“As for the names on the Triangle…” Daniel goes to a wooden stand that was placed here at his request, opens the door, gets a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a shot. “It was not me, it was Lord Carlton’s orders.”

“Sure.” I answer.

What do I really think? This built-in bar is the last thing we need with an suicidal alcoholic on premises.

However, strangely, James paid no attention to the new installation. He’s been ok with a couple of glasses of wine a day, as opposed to a bottle of whiskey. Maybe, after all, the bear in his dream had really vanished.






7:24 am
“Good morning, James!” Lady Anne comes into our bedroom in a firm gate with a resentful face.

“U-huh.” Jim nods, drinking some dark, red liquid from the glass. He can be so totally irreverent.

He is allowed to have 3 glasses of wine a day now. Something had to be done to wean him off enormous amounts of alcohol, when he failed to quit cold turkey.

“You have a letter from Henry.” And Lady Anne throws an envelope at James, who is sitting in bed with his bridgeplate.

Kellspell opens the envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. There is nothing written on it. It is all of red color.

“What does this mean?” I approach Jim and stare at the paper.

“Henry wanted to write me a letter with his blood, but there was so much of it that he just let the paper soak up all of it up, and this is what he sent me.”






It’s 7:30 pm and James has already fed Krotkie and put him to bed right by William. He, then, tucked in William’s body, kissed it goodnight and climbed into bed by Krotkie, who stretched happily all along, his tail to the side.

Daniel throws something at James as he is undressing.

“What is this?” James catches the object in the air, and unfolds it in surprise.

“It’s $100. I will give it to you if you stop biting your fingernails.”

Oh, no, no. I must watch all the newcomers and make sure they do not make rookie mistakes with James. I’m about to say it, but Lady Anne beats me to it.

“James does not understand money, Mr. Garner.” She says on her way from the kitchen to the Spiral Staircase, as she lives upstairs next to Dr. Michael’s. “Besides, nothing here can be obtained for money. Karmic credits only.”

“OK.” Daniel nods. “What do you suggest we do with that habit of his?”

“I have a plan.” Lady Anne goes to the kitchen and comes back momentarily with a rustling bag in her hands.

She approaches the bed. “Hey, Blinsky… Come!”

James gets excited and crawls from under the blankets. “Yes?”

Lady Anne has this nickname for James - “Blinsky”. He is Russian and he likes blintzes, she explained to me.

My heart would fall every time she called him that. It’s like calling a German “Sauer Kraut”. I thought Kellspell would be furious. But James Kellspell is never predictable. Apparently, he liked it.

“Here is a can of tuna and some cat toys.” Lady Anne places a grocery bag on the bed. “Quit biting your fingernails”.

“For how long?” James digs in the bag and admires the can of tuna, then he goes through the rest of the gifts - a catnip-filled mouse, some small bells and a ball made of glittering threads. His face lights up.

“Just tomorrow.” Lady Anne responds, satisfied with the impression she made on Kellspell with her offerings.

“For this kind of treasure I will quit until the end of the week.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, young man!” Lady Anne scratches James behind his ear and goes upstairs.

Later on, in the dark:

“Your math skills are appalling, James.” Daniel whispers into Kellspell’s ear. “I gave you $100. Do you realise that at 63 cents a can you could buy yourself many pounds of canned tuna? And a few pounds of cat toys.”

James is silent for a very long time. Maybe, five minutes.

Laying at the other end of the bed, I slide my bridgeplate out to see what he is thinking. Not that I do not guess it already.

“What you just said does not make any sense, Daniel.” James, then, says very carefully, in a calming tone, as if talking to a very sick child. “I do not even know at what end to start unraveling a bunch of mangled notions you live by, for they have meaning to your sleeping mind. But I will try my best.”

Garner is now silent. He is a very smart man, and he knows he made a mistake. He can’t see where just yet. “Go ahead.”

“It is not the products that I want for money. That would be a meaningless, destructive path.” Kellspell sits up and leans over Daniel’s face. “It is Lady Anne’s love that I must win with my good behaviour. Her willingness to reimburse me for my efforts is a bonus I do not deserve. But it gives me a hope for the better future, because her heart is so pure. Where does MONEY fit into it?”




“And, again, tell me why Professor Conroy is like this? Is it because Henry made him take 200 of Jim’s sleeping pills all at once?”

“Pretty much.” I respond.

“No, fuck, Wallace!” Kellspell bursts into the bedroom, slamming the sliding door all the way to the wall. “Blame Henry for everything, will you?! William did not “die” because of Henry, or the sleeping pills, or even because of his other injuries and his old age. He did not survive the Gold Thread Ritual. It was going to take 6 months. As much as they tried to stretch it, it was still too much for him. He got knocked off 4 months into the process.”

“Is he dead?” Daniel sits on the bed and fixes William’s covers.

“No. No one can die here. You will fall into a limbo state. Then Father will revert it. I have every intention of bringing William to MEOL. I just need a safe place for his body for now. Two more years, or so. Once we cross through the Pearly Gates, he will be revived and ready to go with us.”





 525 2045 Mielada


My Prince, please help us connect.
We must do homework.
I must help Elizabeth

ÑÏÀÑÈÁÎ, Ìîé Ïðèíö!


-458-8901

Thank you!



[starting from a complete stop. Overcoming a very heavy “writer’s block, laying right here]



“So, if I took 200 of sleeping pills, they’d bring me back?” Daniel frowns, sitting on the bed, holding Jim’s hand.

“Surely. This is why this Level is precious. You experience death in every possible way, and yet, you come back to tell about it.” Jim nods, staring into his LHS Grey bridgeplate.

“I can’t believe it.” Daniel shakes his head.

“Wallace, were you here when me ’n good old Krotkie Hafnian here whipped Dr. Michael to death?” Kellspell casts me a sideways glance and I hear his words in my mind.

“No.” I start walking there and back in front of him, as he watches me. He loves trying to see the woman in me. In the way I lift my head, and in the way I walk.

Alas, the operative word is “trying”. I’ve got twenty years on the insolent young James, and I spent them hiding what no-one is supposed to see. Even the all-seeing Regent Kellspell.

He can see it in Serena. But it is because Serena never tried to cover it up.

I did. And I succeeded. But for Jim’s old boyfriend Banazir. It was not James, but Banazir, who saw me. James did not see me until I actually opened the doors of my closet, and walked out. Or fell out, whatever you want to call it.

“You had Sheba as your Arkchil Operator, then.” I respond calmly. Is he trying to out me in front of Daniel? Or is he just enjoying watching me?

“You did what? You whipped Dr. Michael TO DEATH? Her?” Daniel is genuinely shocked.

“Yeah. It was the second thing he asked for after he arrived.” James nods and pulls a thread of intense purple light out of his bridgeplate. It is stuck on his fingers, and he is wincing as he is trying to untangle his fingers and put the thread back.

‘Will you excuse me?” Daniel goes into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of beer. “I’m new here.” he explains, when he gets back, as if we did not know that. “So I just want to see what it feels like to be drunk at 6:15 am”

“Knock yourself out. We have tons of alcohol and very little common sense.” James shrugs, biting is lips, as the thread is burning noticeable red lines into his fingers.

Much alcohol, little common sense. A dangerous combo.

‘What was the first thing Dr. Michael asked for when he arrived?” Daniel picks up, drinking out of the bottle.

“The first thing he asked of me, was to save a couple of million of people from being flushed back into the reincarnation sewage, his elderly mother being one of them, hence the urgency.” James finally manages to remove the thread, and he stuffs it back into the bridgeplate with his palm. I’ve never seen anything like that before. “Then, however, we were more than five hours away from the Pearly Gates, and I was only half as strong as I’m now. So the whole enterprise looked like a joke. I felt myself like David against Goliath, and I was bitter.

“And you whipped him for his request?” Daniel’s eyes go wide.

“What? No…” Kellspell laughs. Which he does really rare. “It is Level 2 here, so we all want to try and die, and see how it feels, and then get brought back by The Arkabins.”

“Oh…” Garner falls silent.

“Don’t get any ideas, Mr. Garner!” I beg.

“The point I’m making is that it is really hard to whip someone to death. I’m a scrawny guy. Krotkie in his human avatar (Knyaz) was mostly doing it. We worked until we triggered the emergency - Dr. Michael’s heart stopped. But it took, roughly, an hour.” James sighs with a detached face. “No. The point I’m trying to make is that they can bring you back. So, William did not crash because he took those pills. Forget the pills. He did not make it because of the Gold Thread Ritual.”







13USJAG

“My Prince, I must present a case in front of you.” James is sitting on a rug in Moretr’s Office. Grehedis do not like furniture. “Lady Anne came along to help me. I was found to be too aggressive and hard to deal with. I was given a guardian. Here she is. She is my favourite man, if at all possible.”

Lady Anne nods, sipping the tea, offered to all of us by the attending Arkabins. She is so graceful. Even just sitting on the rug here, she is lovely and full of virtues.
;“Please, James.” Moretr hands Kellspell a bottle of whiskey and a can of tuna.

“That is a huge gift, sir…” Kellspell smiles and drinks directly from the bottle with large gulps of a dying fish. “So… We’re going to get blue ksill. I asked H.M. to get minimum 10 ounces. He only agreed to 5, because “he is afraid to get caught”. Problem is, we are looking at 5 hours in a dry state. But I alone go through 1,5 ounces a month. I believe that we’re going to run out somewhere in the month of Lirda Kils Svangibir in the First Year since Jaguar’s Passing. And when we DO run out, it would be too late to try and attempt another trip, for it will be middle of winter in Michigan. Is H.M. nuts, or what? What I envision is that I WILL BE THE ONE SUFFERING from his narrow-minded approach of only grabbing “a little bit at a time”. And, somewhere in the month of LKS I will be hitting the bottle twice as hard, because we will run out of blue ksill. And, M.? I do not want to see her anymore. It is all her fault! She quit dealing, but she NEVER thought of RELAYING us to another dealer. She just DROPPED me. And then she has the balls to “worry about Lana”? If you really cared about me, you would give me your buddy’s number! Besides, you’re a local, you DO KNOW MORE peopLe. But never did the stupid bitch think of giving us another phone number.”

“So, what do you want?” Moretr, for one, focused his attention on Jim’s face instead of his large, wall-wide Net-Comm.

“I want the fucking bitch fired, this is what I want. It is HER FAULT that I will run out of blue ksill by LKS22!”

“Noted. As for your assignment. You will reach Ann Arbor and you will do what you were ordered to do - you will agree with EVERYTHING that H.M. has to say.”

“I will, under protest.” Kellspell grumbles, the bottle now half-gone.

“He meant to say: I will do everything, with no protests.” Lady Anne puts the empty cup on the glowing rug, and an Arkabin fills it again immediately. “James Kellspell meant to say, My Prince: I’m so deeply in love with Jaguar that I will jump from the roof, with my bare ass, and onto a hedgehog to have a chance to serve him again.”

I laugh inside.

Even as I’m so very sad today.

Even as I hit my head against a wall of my finite existence.

Even as I mourn the dreams that I cherished and the loss of everything I ever held dear.

“I did NOT say that!” Kellspell protests. Disheveled and unshaven, he looks like a cat who got hit in the head with a brick.

I laugh, because James Kellspell is very, very funny. He’d be pissed if you told him that.

Right now he is not trying to be funny. He is trying to pressure Moretr into allowing if only ONE MORE OUNCE he believes will help him survive 5 remaining hours till Sunrise in Genesis 17/ Citadel21.

What is even more funny? Lady Anne and her Pet Cat Blinsky.

Lady Anne trained James, and he submitted to her charm, to her ever-lasting love and to her Sacrifice.

“Yes, that is exactly what you were trying to say, James. You also meant to say: “I will do anything to get to Henry as soon as possible. Anything. And if it means to be left without drugs for a month or so - I will take it with a smile on my fat cat face.” Lady Anne finishes triumphantly.

“No, fuck! Whose side are you on, anyway?” Kellspell is flustered now. “You said you were my advocate!”

“I said I was going to be THE advocate. I prefer to be on the side of the truth, James.” This is where Lady Anne gets up, sits behind James and kisses him on his neck, and scratches him behind his ear.

Kellspell rolls his eyes and starts purring.

“That’s a good boy. Thank you for your attention, my Prince.” Lady Anne bows her head towards Moretr and leads slightly resisting Kellspell out of the door. “Now, James, enjoy your tuna and your whiskey, and head out with no further bullshit.”

That was the most peaceful request\complaint I never experienced between Kellspell and Moretr.

Good job, Lady Anne.




James Kellspell, about the fateful trip:

Sarasota, Fl - Knoxville, TN - Cincinnati, OH - Ann Arbor, MI
Results of the trip: ;Was needed: 10
Obtained: 5
Will only last to: Month Lirda Svangibir

Corrective action:
Possibility 1: Cut use in half to make it through 6 months.
Tried that. Found out it is not possible.

Possibility 2: Whine about wanting to see Kulus in Arizona.
Maybe I can get him to go in the month of Lirda Svangibir.
Chances of that - less than 10%
Chances of being without the blue ksill for 2 months - 90%

Conclusion: I feel like Disaronno on the rocks. ON THE ROCKS. I will find myself on the rocks in only 3 months.


Lady Anne: What can possibly be done?

JKellspell: I’m not even going to say anything at all anymore. I saw that coming 3 years ago. I brought blue ksill from Denver, and that was stolen from me during construction (3 ounces or so).;Then dumb bitch M. turned on me, and quit bringing me more.
Then we went back to Genesis17.
We came back this fall, I raised the issue and we drove for 4 days only to get HALF of what I needed.
In winter the path to Detroit will be cut off due to weather.
Arizona is the next best thing.
And H.M. does not even want to hear about it.
I’m washing my hands of this situation.
I saw it coming ten miles away.





LadyAnne: Today is full moon, AND 19 years since your father died.

JKellspell: That by itself should not bring me into a bad mood. That stuff is irrelevant to my current situation.

Lady Anne: Why don’t you tell me more about what brings you down?

JKellspell: Sure. But I only have 15 minutes until I must go swimming. This morning H.M. tells me - why did you paint your eyebrows so dark? It is stupid! You are fair, your hair is of light color, your brows should match it.”

Lady Anne: Why is this wrong?

JKellspell: First, because ALL he sees is NEGATIVE. And he is the only one I see every day, so, inexplicably, no matter how much GOOD I DO, I get NO POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM ANYONE. How can you disagree with that?

Lady Anne: I feel for you, James.

JKellspell: Thank you, my Lady. And second, - I want to experiment with the color of my brows, skin, hair… and I’m not even allowed to do THAT. It is silly of me to even bring up the issue as to why I’m not creatively involved in any projects. Let’s start with the fact that I’m not even allowed to EXPERIMENT on my own body. Like hange the color of my hair. Let alone change my gender.

Lady Anne: You will see that your sacrifice of “going stealth” was not in vain.

JKellspell: maybe we should tell it to Wallace. A lifetime of hiding in the closet. But at least he DID get SOMETHING for it. Not me, though. A golden cage is all I got. Here is the thing - I feel I’m being HELD BACK on every front. And forced to grow old this way - without having experimented. Without feeling and experiencing life even as a regular muggle. Regular muggles CAN change the color of their hair. I can’t. But, neither can I fly with the Big Ones. Because I have no money for my projects. That is why it is hard for me not to drink, or be upset.”

Lady Anne: Many people would disagree. They might say that you were very successful in life.

JKellspell: It depends on what people you are talking about. My opinion is that 90% of the people should have never been born. There is not enough Grace in the world for everyone, and anyone below me leads an even sadder life. So, the reason “they” would find my fate successful is because they have nothing to compare it to, but their own misery. And 90% of the people in the world fare worse than me. They are BEHIND ME. And below me, if you want. So, to THEM, I’m a genius of manipulation. To myself - I can see that the rest 10% IN FRONT OF ME enjoy creative involvement, and funds for it. Something I have never tasted. And I WANT TO TASTE FUNDING FOR MY PROJECT, like fucking Thomas Latter, who is half my age and has huge amounts of money to invest into his projects - until that happens, I’m sorry, I have no reason to be happy. As for those who envy MY POSITION in life… Again, those should have never been born.

Lady Anne: Can we talk about this?

JKellspell: Unfortunately, I have to follow a schedule of physical exercise. Because the only thing that I hate more than a loser fag is a FAT loser fag. I’m already 133 pounds and gaining. I WILL BE 140 pounds in one month if I do not deal with it. But, also, I will be out of blue ksill a month before my birthday. And there is NO help unless I talk about it EVERY DAY and urge Prince Moretr to work on H.M. mind so we could go to Arizona in 3 Hours (LK, LKS, LS). You tell me how I should feel.


20 minutes later, and I witnessed the whole thing on Level 1:
;JKellspell, sit-in in bed with a face of a martyr, yelling: I’m back and I have one hour, if you care to continue with your psychoanalysis.

Lady Anne, coming from the kitchen: yes, James, anytime.’

JKellspell: You are gracious, and I do not deserve it.

Lady Anne; What happened to your swimming lesson?

JKellspell: Oh, I went back to Level 1, undressed, took a shower, but was seen by H.M., who was bored anyway, and he molested me in the shower. It did not end there. He said he would take Cialis, and in one hour we will have sex. So, earlier you have asked, as to why I refuse to see Henry’s new project: this is why. Because Henry did not spend the last 20 years being raped three times a week, roughly 15 times a month defending the Covenant. It’s been 22 years for me, exclusively that, and very little else. I’m getting paid 24 thousand dollars a year to be raped three times a week physically, and 900 times a day emotionally. With nothing else. Now, you can say,  that Henry is gay, and he is forced to live with a woman, and all that jazz. The problem with this comparison is very clear: HENRY ALSO GETS TO DO STUFF HE LIKES. EVERY DAY. And then, he tells me that he is in so much pain he drinks a bottle of whiskey a day. Fine with me. At least he spends his day doing creative stuff. And being praise and rewarded for it. I’m about to be raped in 40 minutes. And no other stuff will come my way for God knows how long.

Lady Anne is silent with tears in her eyes.

JKellspell: Now, if you excuse me, I need to get high on the blue ksill that will run out in 3 hours. And throughout all that time H.M. will see that I’m stealing from his stash. Do you know why that happened? Because as we were IN THE CAR in Michigan, and I was biting my nails wanting to bring up to H.M. to get to YET ANOTHER DISPENSARY TOG ET ANOTHER 5 OUNCES, Prince Moretr told me - wait. Tell him AFTER you hit the first one. Guess what? I did that, and it was already 4 pm, and we were already traveling for 2 days, and all he wanted to do was turn around and go home, and the nearest NEXT dispensary was 44 minutes away in Ann Arbor. He said - I will drive there if it makes you happy, and I said - no, please. Let’s go home. because I myself was already drunk, and I could not drive. And he drove all the way. BUT had I started DRILLING him 2 hours EARLIER, we MAY HAVE hit another dispensary. Now watch me run out in LS, and I WILL FUCKING HANG MYSELF without it. What was that about the swimming pool? I have zero desire to go there. I hope I will get fat and die by spring.;
Lady Anne is now just crying, saying nothing. I come over there, kneel by her, and cry, too.

James watches us with an indifferent facial expression, like a prisoner about to be hanged, having resigned to his fate.

‘Why are you bitches here? To watch me slowly succumb to alcoholism and drug use? You are here to watch a creative person die, because they got no funding for their project? Guess what, I will not kill myself, his eyes challenge me. Death is an illusion, and after I drop my body, Henry will be livid. I love Henry, I do. Why would he want me, though?’ Jim’s eyes ask.

I do not know that. But we cry. Lady Anne and me, we neel by Jim’s bed and e we cry.

Kellspell gets off the bed from the other side, goes to get his pipe, and smokes blue ksill, watching us with a detached face. “I’m not in any physical pain.” He tells me in his mind, and the words appear on my bridgeplate in flaming yellowish red, increasing the sense of urgency, sweeping me off my feet with its intensity. “But my emotional pain is so that my desire to hang myself is tremendously irresistible.”

As if I needed that to cry even more.

“I’m 48 and I have not heard a nice word in months. Henry gets public awards for his creative work. He, first, enjoys doing a project, and then he enjoys receiving rewards for it, AFTER having been PAID for it handsomely. All I see is golden cage, prohibitions on every form of creative expression there is available to me (I was not able to get a permission to dye my hair black in 15 years), and three rapes a week. One good thing - the meager salary I get is enough to cover Dobry and Merion’s meager expenses. I need Dobry to be dead sooner than later, so I could commit suicide. She is the only obligation left for me to honour. I WILL NOT HONOR the Covenant with H.M. It cost me 20 years of my life with zero results. Caring for him, I failed to become a man, and I failed to become a writer. Let someone else be a martyr. I’m done. My favourite color is blue. Wallace, get me a BLUE ROPE.”

US19, the full moon and 18 years since Jim’s father’s death (19US03). Standing over Jim’s bed. Watching him in the throes of NES-sp (Non-Existent Poison - self-pity).

James Kellspell is in the process of figuring out an antidote to this poison. And, I guess, you must inject yourself enough times to see what is going on with you mentally to help those who simply can’t even see what hit them.

James knows that he is in this one not just for himself. But this is the gist of NES-sp poison. You drink this upon the urge from “your” ego, and you WILL feel sorry for yourself NO MATTER what you do, or where you are in life.

You “fall asleep” to the Face of God, Who is telling you that, in fact, everything is fine, you ARE loved by Him, and this is but a negative dream sequence, brought upon by the poison.

But, once under the influence of poison, you can’t hear Him. All you hear is the voice of the ego-machine, listing how much God owes you. Completely forgetting about what He has already given you.

YOU programmed the ego-device to be forgetful of God’s Gifts. But don’t say that to the victim of ego-poison. James will get furious if you give him a list of things God has already done for him.

Nothing is ever enough.

I have to be very discreet, because if he, in his insanity, jumps up and looks at my bridgeplate, and sees all that, he’ll beat me up. As much as he loves me, I’m sure he can do this in this mental state he is in right now.

When he is normal, he loves Henry. But when he feels sorry for himself, he hits Henry very hard. I am here to witness and I will make sure I witness in a fair and a just way. Not just to please James. Or even Henry, who got me this job. I am responsible to God for the things I witness here.




Lady Anne: Do you understand what I just said? Don’t make me slap you. I just received the information that Prince Moretr has been conducting all these inhumane experiments on you. It could be that HIS Arkabins injected you with van der Waal’s prion, James!”

JKellspell: Wow. I’m having a deja-vu. Ask William what it means. He speaks French!” Kellspell walks to the niche with Professor Conroy’s body, visible through the matte glass. “You sound like Sheba trying to open my eyes on Henry’s underhanded games.”

Lady Anne: Fine. Don’t listen. Then tell me what is the relationship between Prince Moretr and Leot?

JKellspell, sounding offended, like he was just asked to recite the English alphabet: Prince Moretr is Leot’s direct grandson. Empress Gina Yasmin being Leot’s direct daughter, and Moretr being the son of Empress Gina Yasmin and Sardonyx Eridani.”

Lady Anne: Yes, but what is Moretr’s RELATIONSHIP with Leot?

Jkellspell: Oh, in this sense. Ok, Leot is the village’s villain. So, Prince Moretr is trying to clear his name by bringing in the force that can defeat the Villain who is keeping everyone asleep to the Face of God., therefore miserable.”

Lady Anne: I see. And who would that be?

JKellspell: Of course, the only one who can defeat the Village Villain is the Village Idiot. And THAT is me.”





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                19USJAG
Chapter 138 still:
           T H E   Y A N A R I   S T I G M A T A


                Addiction shapes your body.
                Have the strength to choose the right one.

                Regent James Kellspell,
                distraught over gaining weight
                because of his out-of-control drinking




;Rule #1:
Ping of Connection To Father
ensures that He keeps me
Happy and Healthy.

Father’s Voice takes precedence
over EVERYTHING.


Rule #2:
The ego-machine’s
demands and whining
are IGNORED.

As soon as I catch myself
listening to “ego-radio”,
I KNOW that I can’t hear
or understand
anything it says.


Rule#3:
I ONLY speak the
Language of Love and Sacrifice

The ego-machine’s
maimed, distorted,
faulty self-centered
programming
no longer makes sense to me.




20USJag

This is what I must write about today: The Yanari Stigmata. I wish I did not have to go back into the terror I survived. But such is the fate of the Arkchil Operator. He suffers the fate of his charge.


THE YANARI STIGMATA: James was initiated into the “Yanaris” (as an honorary member only, of course). I WISH I was explained all that before I witnessed it.

Ok, where do I begin? My hands are still trembling as I recall the terrifying ordeal.

Yesterday, early in the morning, the Arkabins came in, took James, but let me follow. They brought him into an illusion panel hall, where at least thirty more Arkabins sat and stood in a circle.

All Arkabins started cheering, and chanting “support him”, when, to my horror, James was stripped to his waist and pushed against a wooden cross by the wall.

The Arkabin doctor, the one who was assigned to jog with Henry, pressed a nail against Jim’s left palm and hit it with the hammer.

I remember grabbing at my heart and falling on the floor. I wondered what would happen if I hit our regular emergency when a brouhaha breaks out?

Those who normally respond to an emergency are the ones here creating the brouhaha.

The smell of tobacco brought me to my senses somewhat, for Arkabins don’t smoke. They inhale neurotoxin, and those are two completely different things.

If only because of that, I forced myself to open my eyes and steal a glance at my sweet mate, being CRUCIFIED right in front of me.

I regretted it immediately, as I learned the source of tobacco smell.

The Arkabin doctor started a cigarette. But he was not smoking. With a solemn face and a light smile he slowly put it out into Jim’s right palm, held open by other Arkabins.

Kellspell jerked with his whole body, but then he regained the smug expression on his face and I saw him take a deep, calm breath.

My head was throbbing and my eyes closed all by themselves. I felt my legs no more and found myself on the floor.

I wanted to know if the Arkabins have revolted.

Then through the fog in my mind I heard something that made me believe that I was, probably, just hallucinating. For there is no way this could be happening.

Jim’s laughter rang loudly throughout the hall.

I have not heard James laugh in a long time.

It was soon drowned by the cheerful screams of the Arkabins. I made an enormous effort to open my eyes again.

Kellspell was still being held at the cross, blood leaking from under the nail in his left palm. His right hand was held against the other side of the cross, the skin right in the middle of his palm raw and reddish from the cigarette burn.

Does Prince Moretr know that all of his servants had gone nuts?





21USJAG

James is in bed, surrounded by his family and many blankets. His bed is his most favourite place in the whole Compound. Well, he is a cat.
;William Conroy’s sarcophagus is filling the wall right above our bed. So, Jim is leaning against it rather comfortably, as Henry sleeps to his left, and Krotkie - at his feet.

I told James that I felt uncomfortable sleeping at night.

He asked me why.

I honestly responded that I have never slept under a permanent exhibition of human remains. I don’t know what to make of our bedroom since James illusion-paneled Professor Conroy’s coffin into the wall.

Are we in a museum? An Egyptian pyramid? A tomb?

Kellspell slapped me rather lightly and giggled like a stoned hyena. “Not “human remains” you dumbass! William will be resurrected once we get to the Pearly Gates.”



Arkabin Doctor: The key has to last for 3 hours. Such is length of the sequence of the ego-machine.

JKellspell: What happens after 3 hours?

Arkabin D: After three hours it begins to repeat itself. So, if we could keep it silenced for only three hours, we could wipe out the entire program, and start a new monoclinic signature without the voice of the ego, therefore free to hear God.

JKellspell: That’s fabulous. What do you want me to do? You think I can believe that a puncture wound and a cigarette burn on the palms of my hands will give me some kind of holy power? You realise that I have been trying to silence the dumb ego-machine for 44 years, and I’m still no closer to the solution?

Arkabin: We have been trying to silence the ego-machine for nine hundred million years, James. And still we’re no closer to the solution.

JKellspell, rolling his eyes: Exactly, like I said. And  I have twenty years left at best. So, what do you want me to do?

Arkabin: We want you to be the bait.

JKellspell: My prices are the same: One can of tuna a day, one bottle of booze, shiny tinsel strings, cat toys, a blanket… Food for my family. And one of you is going to have sex with me. I don’t care which one, you all easily fill XXXL size.

The Arkabins laughs for a while, pretending to enter Jim’s demands into a bridgeplate: You are expensive.
;JKellspell: You want to use me as cheese in the mousetrap for the ego-machine? I am game. But I have two dependents (H.M., Krotkie) a special needs mentally challenged spouse (Henry), and now, a sarcophagus with a Gold Card Holder (William). And there’s still two hours to the Pearly Gates.

Arkabin: That works. So, let’s discuss what needs to be done. The most tempting for the ego is giving advice and predicting scary future to keep ‘em scared. It is triggered by the information it receives. Its desire is to process the info as per the templates, inserted into it by the one who took responsibility for all 99 levels of Fall from the Grace (the Big Bang). In  our case it is YOU.

JKellspell: Yes. I see your point. I experience influx of information, and THIS is what triggers the ego-machine. So, to trap it in order to stall it forever, we must lay out the certain information which I will see. Instantly, the machine is triggered to offer (or stick in my face) the advice. It’s advice: FEAR!

Arkabin, smiles: You are very smart, James. Once it tries to order you to experience fear based on its bogus predictions, we drive it into the illegal territory. FEAR is a NES-poison. NES is “Non-Existant Substance”. You have already figured out that you have created “FEAR” out of strings of twisted protocols to give yourself (asleep) the incorrect view of the picture ahead. Triggering FEAR, which decodes as…

JKellspell: It decodes as “I must freak out, SINCE THERE IS NO ONE TO PROTECT ME.” But the ego is lying. It THINKS it is telling the truth, though. It is TRUTHFUL to its PROGRAMMING. But its programming is incorrect, therefore it is giving me the exactly opposite advice. I see info - the ego-machine is programmed to twist it to show me the “GRIM FUTURE” to sink me into depression. But, it is a LIE that I put into the machine to experience depression. Come on, enough of bullshit. My NEW task is to become “HAPPY AND HEALTHY”. For that I MUST know that my future is bright.”

Arkabin: Our future IS bright. As long as we serve Prince Moretr.

JKellspell: I could not agree more!

ArkabinDoc: In order to keep it that way, we must follow his orders to capture and silence the ego. I need three hours from you. In those pieces of the puzzle, do you have a key that can emit a signal for at least three hours?

Jkellspell: Yes. But not continuously. In three segments. We can link them, though. I haven’t tried it myself yet. It’s too long of a sequence to attempt alone. Thank you for helping me. We will get the sequence for Prince Moretr.





23USJag


“How do you feel? Show me your palms!” Lady Anne is upon James, as an advocate for all poor and exploited.

“I’m fine. I’m very happy.” James shows her his left palm with a slowly healing wound from a nail. His right palm is in worse shape. It is red, swollen and has a couple of blisters, indicative of a burn.

“I’m going to file a report with Prince Moretr’s Office, stating this hazing incident as part of the abuse pattern of lesser species by his large, pushy Arkabins.”

“You will do no such thing!” Kellspell resists. “Here I am, finishing my second glass of alcohol, with only one more allowed. And it is 9:30 am. I have no idea how to make it to the end of the day on only one unit of alcohol remaining, and here you are, Ms. Killjoy, trying to take away my only fun. The Arkabins mean well. Their attention is most valuable to me.”

“That’s what you said when Jaguar hit you in the face with a riding crop, soaked in his urine.” Lady Anne casts a desperate glance at me, but I’m in no position to support her. I’m Jim’s omega. I must stay silent and support him.

“And I still stand by that statement. I’m not allowed to love him and be with him. I’m not even allowed to THINK about him. But he is the best thing that happened to me, my sweet Alpha, and no one can take THAT away from me.” Kellspell rolls his eyes and downs a glass of unidentified alcohol, probably whiskey.

“Sheba Reddington was right! You are a fucked-up, twisted prick, Mr. Kellspell.” Lady Anne frowns and gets up.

She runs upstairs and her distressed voice is heard complaining to someone about what an asshole James Kellspell is, when she, Lady Anne, is trying to help. A lower, quieter female voice calms her down. Surely, it is Matushka.

“I’m on your side…” I whisper, kneeling in front of our bed, on which Jim sits, doing his chemistry homework on his bridgeplate.

“U-huh.” He nods. “You all are, a herd of my omegas. God only knows why. Last night Henry cried himself to sleep in my embrace.”

Doesn’t he always? I’d be doing the same, but I can only do it when Daniel is not crying himself to sleep in Jim’s embrace.

Even when Henry is not there and Daniel is already asleep, there is Krotkie, and Richard, who creeps in the night to kneel in front of Jim’s bed to cry, after he is done with his janitorial duties.

However, since I must always be by his side, I cry myself to sleep BEHIND HIS BACK, even as he might be holding someone else. There is not enough of James to go around, so we must gather around him.

As for Sheba leaving James, everyone must choose their own path.





“James, I have to confess to you…” Lady Anne is on her knees in front of my Best Mate’s bed.

I take a step back, because I did not expect her, and she flew down from the Spiral Staircase, her hair disheveled, and her hands waving about like she was trying to break way from a swarm of bees, attacking her ruthlessly.

She rushed down and threw herself in front our bed. Wow. That was dramatic.

But shall I shut up, because Lady Anne is in tears, and I’ll be the last one to mock HER.

She spent a year taking care of Jim’s patients. Selflessly she catered to Kyle Merritt, wrapped the wounds of Uncle Albert, and endured the wrath of half-insane Mr. Milgram (he shot off her left index finger when she tried to retrieve the empty pizza boxes and bottles from his apartment), to name a few.

“U-huh.” This is how James Kellspell greets us ALL recently.

On his LHS Searock Bridgeplate:

CenturionSherbin: Would you like to stage another hazing incident where we lure you into Moretr’s Office, strip you naked and throw you into the cold pool at 7 am?

RegentJKellspell: When? Tomorrow morning good?

CenturionSherbin: Tomorrow morning you have an English class with Merion’s daughter.

RegentJKellspell: Crap. Well, can we do it in the afternoon?
;CenturionSherbin: Can we all also pee and jerk off on you while you are bleeding on the floor because we whipped you?

RegJKellspell: Fuck, bitches, you’re just a bunch of sick pigs, seriously.

CenturionSherbin: We are. Do you want a planet for your Lady Tigress? Didn’t you want to give Great Britain a whole planet to rule? You will be my slave for two Andromedan weeks for this.”

JKellspell: You’ve got yourself a deal, sir.

I break my eyes from the bridgeplate where I can see a copy of Jim’s conversation with Prince Moretr’s Head of Household, Dr. Sherbin. I look up at James, and his face is happy and satisfied. He puts his right hand under the blanket, and I can see movement between his legs. Then he creates a thought form and sends it to his bridgeplate:

JKellspell: I’ll do anything for the Empire.

CenturionSherbin: I am only my master’s servant, but I hold a lot more power than you think. Your people will have their planet, as well as every nation that would request one, when it comes to saving the Earth. I can’t give Great Britain a planet to homestead and deprive everyone else.

JKellspell: Sure. Give each nation a planet, or two, if they want. Who gives a damn. As long as I get my Henry. And I only get Henry if I give his motherland a planet to expand. Nuts. How did I get myself into this? I fell in love with a spoiled, demanding British aristocrat. What a dumbass I am. Anyway… I’m so hot for him. Who is knocking? Oh, It’s Lady Anne!

James makes a miserable face and flashes out of the conversation with Dr. Sherbin.

“James! James, can you hear me? I have been tracking your communication with Prince Moretr’s Head Arkabin, Dr. Sherbin. I have all the reasons to believe that Dr. Sherbin is a traitor working for Leot, and he has a goal of hijacking this ship to be delivered directly to Leot. My research shows that Dr. Sherbin is a rabid separatist and a supporter of Leot. I also believe he was the one who gave you a shot with a harmful van der Wall’s prion. He was following the orders of Leot when he did it. James, can you hear me?” Lady Anne is shaking Kellspell by his shoulders.

“I hear you alright.” Jim nods calmly. “I know all this already. It was not him who shot me though. But he may have created the -8 minutes time gap at Lemhi Pass, through which others entered to deliver the prion. However, tons of shit took place ever since you’ve found that out. I’m online with him now. Let me find out more.”

“James… wait!” Lady Anne grabs Jim’s hand as he is already halfway back into his bridgeplate. “Sherbin is playing you. He works for Clandeslux… James, please HEAR ME!”

But James is already out of it, and is paying no attention to the crying young woman by his bedside.

RegJKellspell to Dr. Sherbin (Arkabin Doc, CenturionSherbin): Ohh.. She says here you work for Clandeslux.”

CenturionSherbin: I wish I did. I’ll strip you naked, throw you in the pool, and then I’ll rape you.

RegJKellspell: “Ohhh… fuck. I’m nursing a large one. You are cruel. I have to go to chemistry in 15 minutes, and I can’t even get up. Floored by the beautiful job opportunities you’re suggesting. What do I owe you?”

CenturionSherbin: You owe me two jobs: hand job and a blow job. Let your omega bitches perform all OTHER jobs.

RegjKellspell: I’m so hot for you. What do you want me to do to earn the right to serve you?”

Centurion Sherbin: Lay down for me like you did when Leot’s Dogs shot you with a prion that fucked you up for the rest of your life. You are not going to wake Leot up. He does not care to see the Face of God just yet. He offers other things to you, though.”

RegJKellspell: So be it. What do I do with my crying Lady Anne?

CenturionSherbin: Send her to Prince Moretr’s Office. She will hit a Wall of Red Tape, which is bigger than the Great Wall of China, and that will help her calm down.

RegJKellspell: That and 300 Demetra visas for all of her friends… No, honestly?

CenturionSherbin: Here is what you tell her…

James nods gets out of the glowing light around his bridgeplate. I have never seen it before, but then, I have never seen him so excited.

“My dear Lady.” Kellspell gets off the bed, and picks up the crying Lady Anne. “Please take this communicator to Matushka. It will help her through the night. Tomorrow I will be that much stronger, because the moon is waning. Tomorrow I will show up personally and will ease all her fears and all her pain. For now, this will help her sleep. Please tell her that I remember that I owe her my life. Dr. Michael could have killed me that night in his house, but she begged him not to. Thus, leaving me eternally indebted. As for the politics of Andromeda - let Prince Moretr handle that.”

Lady Anne gets up with the reflective prism, and walks up the Spiral Staircase, still crying.

RegJKellspell: Done with my sweet mate, ever-hurting for others. She did not say half the things she was planning to say. She thinks you are a traitor. She caught and gave me my communication from the the future. In it, Lady Anne told me, I state that I have the control of the Strobulus, and directing it “as per Prince Moretr’s instructions.” She thinks your boss is leading us all into a trap.

CenturionSherbin: Noted. Kumlatov is trying to get through to you. Have you forgotten your chemistry lesson?

RegJKellspell: Oh, crap. He will be on for half an hour about how poorly he is being treated by the Grehedi community.

CenturionSherbin: That’s none of your business. My Prince needs superb academic performance from you. Last time I looked, Moretr paid Kumlatov and not the other way round. Go study.
;RegJKellspell, I see him smile and rub himself between his legs: Yes, my Centurion.




Later on that day:

Lady Anne: James, do you realise that Moretr may be closer to Leot than we think?

RegJKellspell: My dear Lady, for the love of God, tis is not what bothers me. I have bigger fish to fry.

Lady Anne: JAMES! You told us all that we will be at the Pearly Gates in 2 hours. Now I’m finding out that you have turned off the autopilot and you’re being guided by Prince Moretr. Dr. Sherbin is HIS HEAD ARKABIN! There is no way Moretr does not know that it was Sherbin who administered the van Der Wall’s prion shot to you! I have a suspicion that we’re not flying to the Pearly Gates! We’re flying right into the Headquarters of Leot where we all be successfully EUTHANISED!

RegJkellspell: My Lady, if you only knew the other thousand dangers that lie between this ship and God, you’d not worry about Leot. There are worse suspicions…

Lady Anne, irate: Like what?! What could be worse than Leot’s men on this ship?!

RegJKellspell: The only thing worse than Leot is Lierance. Listen very carefully. Today I have received the parts to create a better communicator. The parts came from…

Lady Anne, distraught: what does that have to do with Leot, James?

Matushka is coming down from upstairs via Spiral Staircase. Her face is gray, and her demeanour is that of a wilted flower.

RegJKellspell, noticing Matushka: It has nothing to do with Leot! The parts for the communicator that Dr. Sherbin gave me today were manufactured on LIRA!

Lady Anne, bowing to Matushka, whispering a prayer, staring into Matushka’s lifeless face, and deep dark bags under her eyes: Why am I supposed to be afraid of that?

RegJKellspell: You must be able to see a bigger picture. I think Lierance is giving us parts for communicators. Do you know what that means? It means that he wants in on a deal. Lierance is a Level 90 breakaway entity. In comparison, Leot is only Level 11 breakaway entity. One wrong step and this ship, guided by stupid dumb proto-human like James KellSpell, will end up trapped in the gravity of the planet that does not release its prisoners. I can defeat Leot blindfolded and with my left hand tied behind my back. But the sweet love of Lierance? I make one mistake and this ship will pick up the wrong communication path.  Once on Lira, you’re done. Lierance will never let us out, and he will use us as a bargaining chip with God to get more powers. Do you understand this? Please help me focus, or both you AND Prince Moretr are done for.


James Kellspell drinks a lot. But he also does not fuck around. Not enough heat for you? He will pile up more heat than a Vesuvius. Here I thought that we must be afraid of Clandeslux.


“Lierance, who was supposed to be our friend, is the uncle who….”

“… the uncle who steals your underwear, Wallace.” James slaps his belly, growing ever more from the use of alcohol. “He tricked Moretr into buying parts for commmunicators. Once I held those communicators in my hands, I notified Dr. Sherbin of their origins, and he did not care. That is because he is unable to se the dangers of giving in to Lierance’s power. He will get his pawn Alare to do anything to get in on the deal. Moretr, ever guilty over shit he did, is willing to accept anyone’s help in his desire to Awaken. He thinks that if he sides with Lierance, we will wake up earlier. The problem is, Lierance has no intention of Awakening. I think he is playing both sides against the middle. He owls a planet, on his he conducts most incredible, self-indulged experiments with hydrogen plasma. He cares not for God, even as he is using His power every day. But he is not happy with his stolen goods - he wants more. If we end up with Leot - I can talk him into anything. If we end up with Lierance - we’re done for. I can never overcome that motherfucker. Seriously, Wallace, please, I need. Your full attention. If you think Moretr or dr. Sherbin is our problem, think again. Tell Lady Anne that I’m inviting everyone to the Inner Dinner tonight. I will personally go and invite Matushka. Enough of this stupid, insane endless politics. I just pay attention to her now.

Unable to take any more, I drop to my knees in front of him. When all else fails - worship your Beta.






“I will only say it once, James - Prince Moretr is not to be trusted.” Lady Anne hisses through her teeth as Kellspell pins her to the bed.

“Please, listen, my Lady. I trust Prince Moretr and his men, and you should, too.” Kellspell breathes into Lady Anne’s face as he is laying top of her.

Lady Anne was trying to give him a massage for his hurting neck, but she talked too much, and James pushed her on the bed, and pressed her hands into blankets.

“Why?” Lady Anne is not the one to give up.

Matushka waters her roses and comes back with one. She puts the rose into a vase, and place the vase on the table. Then she goes into the kitchen and brings cups, biscuits, spoons - everything for 5 o’clock tea. She is moving slowly, and her face is the one of a prisoner, condemned to die by the firing squad tomorrow morning. She is deeply depressed, and she needs Jim’s help.

“I will tell you why.” Kellspell is just as passionate about his speech as he is about giving himself to a mob of drunk Arkabins, happy to harass and sexually assault a helpless, defenceless proto-human. “Today H.M. and I were planting flowers (Malachite Constellation), and I broke a few branches of the plant I was putting into the pot.”

“Yeah. So what?” Lady Anne stares into Jim’s eyes with a challenge as he is hovering above her on the bed.

“After we planted all that, Moretr was there, and he made me pick up those broken little branches, and he told me, that ever time I touched that plant, it experienced stress and pain. “It lost its branches, and it will take time to grow the new ones. The plant is screaming in pain.” he told me.”

“Plants? What does that have to do with Moretr’s betrayal?” Lady Anne challenges Kellspell, as I watch them, spellbound by the flaming passions of these two. Both would give their life for the poor and the disadvantages. Both believe that the personal sacrifice is the way to open the Pearly Gates. Both would love to be crucified to help others achieve Heaven.

“Everything, my fair Lady.” Kellspell releases Lady Anne’s wrists. “Moretr has suffered enough from ”his” ego. Do you know when you have suffered enough?” 

“When?” Lady Anne gets up. She does not leave. She pours herself a drink from Daniels’ built-in bar.

“When you start caring about the pain of so-called “lesser species”. Kellspell grabs the glass from Lady Anne’s hands and drinks it himself. “I SAW him care about the pain of a PLANT. Do you think he will give in to Leot’s desire to continue sleeping? To carry on with the Civil War that is costing Andromeda thousands of lives every day? I think Moretr is ready to Awaken. That is why I trust him. I feel that in him - he has suffered enough. He wants out of the game. And the only way to get OUT OF THE GAME is to stick with Prophet Arzadellin.”




25USJag

“James, I’m here to talk to you about the time you will be living with Henry in London.” Lady Anne comes out of the kitchen, chewing on some cracker.

“Ha-ha… Living with Henry in London? As what? Maybe in another lifetime, as his cat, or his kettle, or something…” Kellspell is doing homework with Merion’s daughter over the phone. “In this lifetime it will take a miracle the size of Resurrection for him to learn about me. I love your romanticism and all that jazz, but don’t hold your breath.”

“Ye of little faith. Listen carefully. Henry believes that you hide too much from H.M. Henry wants you to quit smoking. He is also appalled at your hygiene. He wants to see you clean your nails and brush your teeth.”

“Nothing new here.” Kellspell growls at the exercize that was given to Mielada by her teacher at school, mumbling under his breath “What are they doing to these kids’ brains? You can’t give them this stuff to do! How can they find the right word? They can’t even translate any of this!”

“James, listen. You will be serving Henry very soon on Level 1. He can’t wait to use and abuse you.” Lady Anne is not smiling at all, and her eyes get wide with surprise as she reads off her bridgeplate.  “Henry says - “too many secrets from your boss. Kellspell better understand that with me he will be completely naked. Nothing to hide.”

James raises his head from the bridgeplate just for one second.  “You are seriously concerned about this, aren’t you?”

“I AM concerned!” Lady Anne gets more agitated as she goes on. “You just about made it to “The Perfect Servant Of The Year”. All you need to do to solidify all this, to surrender to Lord Henry Carlton COMPLETELY. And he is ready to make you his slave.”

“That’s why I practice!” Kellspell is back in his studies.

“That’s why Sheba quit, James!” Lady Anne rolls her eyes and leaves our bedroom.

“U-huh.” Kellspell says, hitting the back of his head against William Conroy’s sarcophagus ever so slightly.

"Could you take Professor Conroy's body out of our bedroom?" I say meekly.

"I could!" Kellspell spreads his hands and the colorful clouds splash out of his bridgeplate like a crowd of disturbed ghosts. "But i could not take him out of my soul!"

“That’s what Henry does not want to hear.” I remind. “he does not like competition. Even DEAD competition.”

“For the umptieth time, Uolles, geez, William is not dead.” James brings me in and hugs me by my shoulders. “Quit talking about this, because it makes us look weird, that with a coffin of a dead man in our bedroom and all…”

Oh yeah? It was not WEIRD enough with Henry handcuffing you to the chair for ten hours straight, and you wetting your pants on live TV. I NEED to sleep with a COFFIN above my head for this to get weirder.

But who cares. This is not what I’m upset about. Not at all. I’d sleep at the cemetery WITH HER.

I feel HIS very strong hands, and I tremble and I cry inside, so much I want HER to take me.

James keeps on forgetting that I’m in love with his FEMALE avatar.

“But, about Henry’s competition. Where is Richard Rockford is sleeping these days? Can we move him back in this adjacent room that Kyle used to live in?”

“I was not the one who exiled him, James. Maybe you’re better off asking the Women’s Council.”

“Fuck it. I know you’re in touch with Rockford. Tell him to move over here. I want all my linked men with me. I feel better and bigger this way. And Henry would not mind. Richard is not allowed to appear during the daytime hours anyway.”

OK. Sure. This IS going to get weirder.

Sending a message to Richard Rockford:

“My man, when you wake up tonight, you will have GOOD NEWS: James misses you and wants  you back. Please come live in Kyle’s former room, adjacent to our bedroom wall. You’re still not allowed during daytime, and you’re still a despicable janitor, but I’m still your friend, grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Your luck says that James does not know how to let go. So, when Henry goes to London, you can find yourself on top of James you love so desperately, even despite the charges against you. I say life is good. Get your head out of that noose, man. I know what you’re thinking. James claims he’s been down below, in the darkest pit of depression, where you’re now. He loves you. He marries for life. You will forever be a part of his harem. He says - whatever happens to you, he will shield you from, or take it with you. We’re that much stronger together.”

I go to bed, and at 11:56 pm my bridgeplate glows so blue I must open my eyes just to see what is going on.

“God Bless James forever. Thank you for putting in the word for me. You are a saint, Wallace. Does James (my Jess!) really want me? I will come as soon as my shift is over. I’m ok, having fallen from Jim’s best Alpha to the night time janitor. It’s been 9 months. Almost a year… I’m serving my sentence quietly, knowing that Jim’s heart is a cockroach motel. They check in, but they never check out. Even feet first. Look at Professor Conroy. This dumbass is still on the stage. In the coffin, but - ON THE STAGE. This is what Jim does for you - if he chooses YOU, you will be his best, forever. And I have to share it with Conroy. You think I was ashamed to be stuck here as a JANITOR? That fucker is stuck here DEAD. Kellspell keeps a coffin with his ex-lover IN HIS BEDROOM! Fuck, Wallace, I quit drinking for the WHOLE DAY when I heard the news that Conroy did not survive the Golden Thread Ritual and coded 4 months into a 6 month process. I hate Conroy, Wallace. He was brought by Lady Ti and Jaguar to distract James when he lost his place in Jaguar’s retinue. He almost became First Spouse. But Henry poisoned him. I never thought I’d say it about my succeefull competitor, but Henry did a great Jon getting rid odConroy.”


“James, Henry has a bug on my bridgeplate

“Wallace. I can’t talk right now, I busy being fucked by Richard Rockford.”

“James, I think Henry KNOWs what is going on, because h was listening in on my correspondence with Richard.”

“OH FUCK!”

I had no idea a 48 (overweight) year old, and a 61 year old could move so fast. Rockford was back in his room with a the speed of an Olympic runner, God bless his soul.

Not that Henry was coming RIGHT NOW. My bridge plate was showing Henry getting up in the morning in London, and visiting his three children before going to work. Here he is, kissing his wife. Here he is, using the UNDERGROUND to get where he needs to be today as per his contract. Here he is, doing his job dutifully, thinking about JAMES and James only. Little does he know, James is cheating on him with Richard Rockford.

WAS, until three minutes ago. This is how long it took me to see where Henry was.

Here Henry is, checking on James, and a link to my channel jumps up on his bridgeplate. He is reading my messages… He is getting livid…

By NOW James went to the kitchen to feed Krotkie some midnight snack, and Richard is back with a portfolio of indecent pictures of James in his female avatar.

“…as you know, I still have control over Jim’s button on the left side of his neck. See, I press it in my mind, and James is “Jess” in the shower. He is unaware that I swithced him to her.”

“Genius.” I whisper as I am fully aware that Henry is going to use Lemhi Pass to get here sooner than I can take another breath, but I can’t break my eyes away from Jim’s female avatar most gorgeous shape in a form of a shadow. Rockford took MANY pictures of her body, but the most mesmerising is this one, of her naked SHADOW. So shapely, so sharp against the “river rock” tile.

“I take pictures with this extension on the bridgeplate. I can see through walls if I twist LHS protocol just a tad to make “Loyalty” mean “I must see her AT ALL TIMES to make sure she is not in danger.” Richard continues, unaware of the danger.

“What protocol are you using?” I respond, mesemrized by bother her body and Rockford’s creative eye. It pays to be an artist. They take most awesome photographs.

“THIS HERE protocol allows to see him naked pretty much anytime, but it takes my access to switch his body to HER body.” Rockford shows me more lovely and irresistible the pictures of his “Jess”, all of which he took totally illegally while doing his sentence for a sexual assault on her.

I’m so stunned my her beauty that I do not react to the message on my bridgeplate: “Henry is using the Lemhi Pass to get to the filming set of “The Emerald Filament” as soon as he can, minus eight minutes. I need Rockford out of the bedroom, and you in bed, lights off. NOW. Whatever you’re looking at - Henry can see, too.”

“And here I switched Jim into his female avatar while he was exercising in the back yard, and I nicked his wire to Isaak Milgram to let MILGRAM see HER. You know he wants Jim’s female avatar, too, right?”

There is no way Rockford did that. That must have been some hot revenge for the “International Honorary Rapist Society” sign Milgram put in front of our sliding door, took a picture of it, and it went viral across the entire ship.

But, as we know, revenge is the dish best eaten COLD.

“What the fuck!” The very sliding door is open with much force. Kellspell rushes in, his hair disheveled, his face distorted. “Did you see my fucking message, Wallace? Richard, I said you can move in to ADJACENT motherfucking bedroom! Henry is coming in less than 29 seconds, and help you God if he sees this fucking porn. What the fuck is your problem?!”

After twenty years in America James has learned to wield the most popular American expletive like a sword, and no matter how often he uses it per every sentence - it always feels like a weird, but powerful song, where no word can be dropped, omitted or replaced.

Richard folds in his bridgeplate by making his right hand into a fist. I’ve never seen anyone do that before. He dashes away, out of the other door to the hall, and right in time.

Henry comes in through the sliding door like a tiger, ready to rip all his competition into pieces. His steps are wide and his face is pale and haunted.

He goes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders with his large, very strong hands. It is one of his ways to assert his dominance over me, “Last time you and Mr. Rockford used your phones to take indecent pictures of James, they took away your phones. Do you want them to take away your bridgeplates?”

“It will never happen again, Henry.” I mumble. Did he see Rockford? Does he know James invited Richard back? Why am I doing this? What IS my problem? How could I fall so low?





PROGRAMMING CORRECTION
(We hit the ego-machine with that next time it freaks out because of health)

THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF
THERE IS NO END, OR DEATH
I DID NOT CAUSE THE PRESENT SITUATION
FATHER WILL FIX IT

What I SHOULD be worried about, is my HONOR.
Of course, the machine was never programmed to know that.

While my health is a variable, controlled by God,
My HONOR is a constant, controlled by me.
We do not EVER lose the sight of THAT postulate.

Educational literature: GRACE FOR THE MOMENT, Max Lugado

Once the dumb ego-device starts freaking out over physical pain or discomfort, we stick our nose into the EDUCATIONAL LITERATURE to remind us THE REAL REASON we’re here.

Now, I hope, we’re fully prepared, with a long, heavy stick that smacks the dumb mechanical tape-recorder once it starts screaming about “THIS MIGHT BE LETHAL! THIS MIGHT KILL YOU!”.

No. NOTHING can “kill me”. But losing my honour will upset Dr.Michael. And THAT is what we must be afraid of, if fear existed. The better word is “to be concerned”. We must be concenrned.”





27USJag


Lady Anne: James, you’re here, on the Mood Rug to tell me why you drank 1 bottle and 2 glasses instead of just ONE allowed bottle.

JKellspell: I honestly need to drink five more, and go Amy Winehouse way. Being silent is killing me, that’s why. Also, I have disappointed Henry by lying to H.M. But I lie to H.M. ALL THE TIME to avoid fights and punishment.

Lady Anne: Is this why you drank more than you were allowed?

JKellspel: Basically, yes. But, generally, I still have hard time staying at only one bottle a day. I go through it early in the morning, and then - the day feels like you’re being dragged across the sandpaper. Naked. Naked, across sandpaper. Really slowly. Drinking is the only thing that eases the pain of being SLOWLY DRAGGED NAKED ACROSS A LARGE PIECE OF SANDPAPER. Ten minutes lasts for centuries this way, and you can down a glass of alcohol in ten minutes and never know where it went. It’s only been TEN MINUTES, but you NEDED to be DEAD a thousand times within that period of time.

Lady Anne: How are we going to live through tomorrow, then?

JKellspell: My Lady, it is never “HOW”. If I ever learned ANYTHING during 50 years of SLOWLY BEING DRAGGED NAKED ACROSS A LARGE PIECE OF SANDPAPER, it is “NEVER ASK “HOW”. It is only and ever “WHY”, that moves the hands of the clock. I COULD stay alive. I COULD quit drinking. Question is - WHY? For the last six years I swore to dear Jesus that I’d go through ANYTHING for Henry, but today I’m drowning in alcohol because I’m in too much emotional pain. Right now my worst shame is that I drink too much. That I want to die more often than not. And still, somehow, I love Henry, even as I disappointed him today AGAIN.

Lady Anne: How so, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell: By lying to H.M. But H.M. caught me peeing on his cobble stone by the pool. He was going to beat the shit out of me, and I challenged him by saying that I “don’t know what he is talking about.” He clearly saw the puddle, and he was very upset that I was lying like that. Henry saw the tape and he wanted to know if I was going to lie to him the same way. I felt caught between the rock and the hard place.”

Lady Anne: Which was which?

JKellspell: Oh, come on! Like you don’t know! You can say “the rock” was H.M. and Henry was the “hard place”. I DID stab our love when I lied. True. And Henry was hurt before by partners, so he wants me to pass all the tests first, before I reach out for his High Tower. I get all this. But the most upsetting part, I guess, is that Henry demanded explanation as to why I hurt H.M. by lying.

Lady Anne: How did you explain you action of “stabbing your love”?

JKellspell: I did not. There was NO way to explain in God’s Language of Love as to why I stabbed H.M.’s love for me by lying. Only ego-language…

Lady Anne: What did you say in ego-language?

JKellspell: I said that “after 20 years of barely ever recognising any of my input into the marriage the leat he can do is to let me get away with meaningless shit that is “cheap, legal and friendly”. So what I peed on his cobble stone! At the very least he did not catch me stealing $200 000 from him, like Tanya Kondratov from her husband, and there was plenty of other shit that women did to their husbands, and I survived 22 years in Minotaur’s labyrinth, basically, so fuck you. I’m not going to let you yell at me because I peed on your cobble stone! Be happy I did not pee in your pool!”

Lady Anne: I see here, that Henry Carlton cried after he heard this.

JKellspell: Of course he cried! Who wants to hear ego-language from the one you love? That is why I drank two bottles instead of one today. I upset Henry. And I’m a bad man for that. I do love Henry. And I MUST love my H.M., because, guess what? EVERYONE is going to the Pearly Gates, and H.M., who ALWAYS pays for ALL of my expenses, is coming with us to MEOL. The point is, if I hurt H.M., Henry feels hurt, too. Does that make sense? Because I PROMISED that MY LOVE is going to be AT LEAST as pure as Dr. Michael’s love for Matushka.

Lady Anne: How is Dr. Michael’s love for Matushka so special?

JKellspell: Because he is a strong man, pure at heart. He is so pure at heart, that I ALWAYS ask him to watch over me, and I seek his advice… (James starts crying, grasping at an empty bottle of whiskey.) The reason I had to lie to H.M. about peeing on his cobble stone, is because I BROKE THE RULES that ask me not to act like a pig. And Dr. Micheal would NEVER break the rules that Matushka told him to follow. THAT IS WHY I’m an asshole for hurting H.M. AND Henry.

Lady Anne: Do you love them equally?

JKellspell (looking shocked, and then staring at the clock intensely): Listen, I left H.M. alone to watch TV, and I promised him that Daniel and I will come to entertain him, and it’s been 40 mins of this interview, so I MUST go back.

Lady Anne: One more second, please answer my question, Mr. Kellspell: Do you love H.M. and Henry Carlton EQUALLY?

JKellspell, feeling trapped: Fuck, no. I hate H.M. sometimes. I should not. He is my SWEET LITTLE BEAR. But he is my sweet little bear only INSIDE. On the outside he is full of needles, and he is abusive, and, for the love of God, the main thing - I’m 48 years old, and between my mother (25 years in Sparta), and H.M. (22 years in the Roman Army) I have not seen the light of day. Dobry’s whip and H.M.’s harsh words what I sleep with. Why?

Lady Anne: In what sense, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell: My lady, fuck you. Like you don’t know what is going on? I’m getting paid $20 000 a year to be H.M.’s FULL-TIME slave. I never see any of that money, b’the way, because ALL OF THAT gets funnelled directly to Dobry (85 and pushing) and her caregiver, my ex Merion. ALL I EVER spend money on is clothes to wear in front of H.M. in attempts to please him. The rest goes to drugs and alcohol. The point is, it could be another 10 years before one of us croaks and I, at least, will be free. Not rich, not fulfilled, but FREE.

Lady Anne: What do you mean by that, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell, crying, swallowing hard, looking at Henry’s picture: I did not want to take heat from H.M. for my transgression because I was tired of being an indentured slave. At 50 years old, I have barely known any other treatment but the whip and the harsh word. Not Dobry, not H.M. would IN MY FACE say A SINGLE WORD OF APPRECIATION. BOTH ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR THE SMALLEST OF TRANSGRESSIONS. I never got paid for this crap. I grew old being their laughing stock. They did EVERYTHING at my expense, and I was told to take it and be silent. I’m still silent. I will remain silent. I just did not want to get hurt for stupid little shit, when my entire life is one big failure. One big failure to launch. What good would it do if I agreed to take ONE MORE BEATING because I did not follow HIS REQUEST? Did you see what he did with MY request to have access to blue ksill? He wiped his ass with it. It is not enough that he ONLY got 5 ounces when I needed 10. But he, then, put the stuff in the safe, locked up the safe and hid the key from me. TELL ME, WHY I SHOULD NOT DRINK MYSELF TO DEATH? I love Henry, I do, but I feel like Frodo in the wilderness. Or, like Moses in the desert - I have been wandering in circles for decades seeming in vain, and severely abused, and I have no more strength to carry on. The Ring of Bullshit I was forced to drag along for 50 years is, FINALLY, too heavy on my mind. And let me remind you that Jesus was on the cross for only three hours. Henry does not understand what it means to lead an unfulfilled life, where NO ONE EVER says ANYTHING NICE about you. I have to go. Daniel and H.M. are waiting for me with a lesson I’m yet to learn. Like, more beatings I can’t avoid THIS TIME.”



28USJag

6:43 am Due to Jim’s drinking crisis, Lady Anne let me mirror some of her personal diary entries to get a better grip on Jim’s mind. My respected audience might see, why.

“{Date censored} Blinsky was mean to me all day. In fact, he was mean to everyone. He drank profusely, then he went to his chemistry class with Kumlatov, inebriated, and swearing in Hafnian. “Asshole” in Hafnian is “rovhul”. He said that many times, staggering about, bumping against furniture, hurting himself yet again.

“How do I ever let Blinsky know that he needs to see THE BIGGER PICTURE? Today I photographed a text really closely, where all you can see is FIRST two large letters of the word “EXIT”. And then, I showed James another picture - but this time, of the entire word “EXIT”. I told him that the reason he drinks is because he is too close to the subject matter. He is bumping his head against “E”, when he needs to find strength to get up and SEE the ENTIRE WORD. It will show him how to get out of the torture chamber of the ego-machine. Once he sees THE WHOLE PICTURE, he will be only too happy to wake up from the nightmare, caused by listening to the ego-device, and then he will know that there is NO REASON to drown yourself in alcohol. All he needs to do is get up and walk out of the room with the ego-machine, into the Light, towards God.”

“Today James was unbearable. I care not complaining about his behaviour. It does not do me any good. Like a fucking stubborn cat, Blinsky resists EVERYTHING I say. He thinks we’re here to cause him more pain. BUT when Jaguar calls, James trembles with joy, and runs there only too happy to be the man’s punching bag. Last night Jaguar ordered James to come with Daniel. Jaguar used to order James to bring Professor Conroy, but Conroy is now in suspended animation, if we can call it that. So, Jaguar needed another toy. Another sex-slave.

When they came back, Daniel told me that Jaguar whipped and raped them both. Jaguar hurt James a lot more than Daniel, and Kellspell was bleeding out of the lashes on his back, delirious with joy. He apologised to Daniel by saying “Jaguar is an animal, you know.” How fitting.

Daniel is a very sweet, strong 50 year old man who knows that he has suffered enough. That is why now, on Level 2, he is willing to do ANYTHING to wake up from the ego-voice that distorts the reality, turning it dark and sour (“subdue your pride”). ANYTHING, including helping James serve Jaguar.

Daniel, however, was in so much pain from the experience that he laid in bed for the rest of the night, with his eyes closed, not willing to show that he was hurting all over from the rough sex he had to endure. I tended to his wounds.

Kellspell? He bled through two t-shirts, and bounced about, charged and happy. He did not drink a drop of alcohol for the rest of the day.

This is the man who wants to avoid pain?

How do you reconcile THAT?”

End of quotes from Lady Anne’s diaries.



29USJag

7:30 am. This month is never going to end, is it? Half a bottle of whiskey down the hatch, and it’s not even 8 am.

Lady Anne, my wise friend, says: take a deep breath.

James, walking right by me with a large grin on his face: Uolles, I have an English language class with a kid from Moscow in half an hour. While I’m at it, make sure his mother sends all the archive info about Darler to my “Voreshemmelighed” address, will ya? Patricia wants EVERYTHING, and, now that she is on Women’s Council, I better not disappoint her.

Kellspell gets out to the lawn through the sliding door, and a bottle of “Red Label” lands right where he just was.

“You Russian whore!” Is heard from Mr. Milgram’s apartment.

Oh, good morning, Strobulus! Leonard should describe THIS in his “Rubinstein Compound Newsreel”.

One day Isaak WILL manage to hit one of us. I wonder how will that feel? A large bottle crumbling over your head, shards falling to the ground, sparkling in the pale light of the alien sun.

Technically, what we see here is a lamp (a Tribelin Engine, to be exact). But, since we’re on an ALIEN spaceship, I can extrapolate into the romanticism of alien suns.




“Father understands that all your evil-ness comes from the ego-machine. IT SAYS THINGS, and you only repeat them, like a drugged-up person with no will of their own.




2LKJag.  James in Throes


“Who is this?” Kumlatov walks from the backyard, pointing at the coffin above our bed.

“What?” James is just opening his second bottle of whiskey, and it’s only 2 pm. He is on edge, and annoyed, and he is not going to take shit from anyone today. - “Commander, that’s William!”

“William who?”

“William Shakespeare! Fuck, Commander, don’t you follow my life?” Kellspell is flustered, but drunk, so all of the protuberances of his character are much softer now.

Like bright sun through the sunglasses.

“I have a civil war on my hands, James. And news from Prince Moretr that will turn your stomach! I don’t even know if I’m supposed to tell you before he does.” Kumlatov stares at our new BEDROOM DECORUM INSTALLATION.

Coffin as a bedroom decorum?

Forgive me, God. I never thought I’d laugh at James.

James, who gave me this dream job.

My friend James, who cares for everyone.

My lover James, who bleeds every day.

I never thought I’d disagree with my beloved James.

But his ex-lover’s COFFIN ABOVE THE HEAD OF HIS CURRENT ONE?

And Sheba thought weird stuff was happening on HER watch?

But, that’s why we’re so popular. Today Lady Anne came with the happy news that the syndicate “Time Paradox and Seashell Effect” has launched the NEW comic strip about Prophet Arzadellin. They made millions the first day, if at all possible to translate into human their ways of doing business.



“William Shakespeare is dead.” Kumlatov takes one of Jim’s cigarettes, and smokes. It is only an illusion, as neither Grehedis nor Sheiredis have any need for the human organs that we know, including lungs. They’re all parasite-run. It is usually Sazarn300 edition. “But even without an autopsy I can tell you that this one is alive.”



“Thank you for asking, Commander. I feel like I’m being dragged across the pavement with my naked ass, and all I’m asking is a towel to place under my ass so that I do not bleed so much. Life hurts. Very much.

“Welcome to my world.” Kumlatov


But nothing worked! , I have not fallen on a good bag in a couple of years! And so, today, after all this brouhaha, M brings this bag called “A Gift From God”. I paind no attention to it, because I knew I maxed out of anything the market has to offer, and I knew that my suffering has been ongoing for over a year now, with no breakthrough in sight. So, I did not pay attention. In other words, whatever piece of paper I was tryint to place between me and the pavement that I was being dragged along, that would rip into pieces very quickly.

It’s been a year since I took to drinking. And I was going through 2 bottles of wine or equivalent in whiskey, every day ever since. Because blue ksill was not working. It was not relieving my internal emotional pain and stress.

And then I tried it. I tried “The Gift From God” from M. After all the crap that happened, and her turning me over to H.M., when she called HIM instead of ME, and he called and toldme that, and then he called her back and said - don’t you dare to bring any wine into the house. So, tail between her legs she said yes, and I almost died when I found out. Anyway…” Kellspell takes another puff and throws his head back, against William’s coffin… pardon me, sarcophagus. What’s the difference? Who’s got the Webster’s?

“I could not handle the stress of being grilled by H.M. about my drinking, and I drank 3 units instead of 2 I wanted to present to Henry at the end of the day as the sign of my strength. But I just could not handle the pain. It was overwhelming.

“What happened when you tried “The Gift from God”< James?

JKellspell: I experienced the high that I have not had in at least 2 years. All the while I believed that I maxed out of the market. But I just did not have the right stuff.




“This is just an example. You took a mural from our wedding church of St. Aloisus in Detroit, and zoomed in. Then you zoomed out. Bigger picture. Metaphors aside, WHAT IS the bigger picture, my Prince?”

“The bigger picture, James, is that you are the Hand of God. It got hurt, and He is trying to “wake it up” back to reality of being Together.

“Thank you for reminding me.” Kellspell nods and I see that he wants to call Henry, just to hear his voice berating him about something Henry expected and James did not do. This is how their love is. This is why Sheba quit.

But I swear on everything I’ve got that the way James is being treated both by Henry and Jaguar will not get between me and Henry. It was him who made James take me. I will not forget Henry’s kindness.

“I see you’re very upset, Commander. Maybe you should rest a while, and I will finish this myself.” James sighs, starts a cigarette and looks out to the lawn through the sliding door. He is waiting for Henry. Hope against hope he wants to see Henry coming for the night. While we both darn well know that Lord Carlton will spend the night in London.

“I’m a hateful character.” Kumlatov sighs, checking Jim’s chemistry homework.

“Hatred is too common. In order to be loved, you need to be unique.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” The tips of Kumlatov’s wings flew upwards and hit the ceiling. “I’m fighting a civli war!”

“Violence is not unique, Commander. Let me clue you in: Compassion. In fact, it is so rare, the compassionate characters get all the attention in memoirs, even if they were just passers-by.”






 3LKJAG                The Legitimate Bond


Ariel Matthew’s birthday. Jim’s old friend, who pre-dates Darler, and Professor Conroy, but not Leonard Rubinstein. Ariel is turning 48 today.

“What do you mean “create a bond between us”, James?” Daniel is pacing there and back across our small bedroom. “What if I do something, that disappoints you? Besides, I have ALREADY surrendered to Henry!”

Luckily, this bedroom extends into the Spiral Staircase hall, where the Mood Rug resides. It is flaming red. It can sense Daniel’s agitated mental state even as he is twenty feet away.

Our bedroom has no privacy. The wall that faces the back yard and the lawn has a sliding door in it, and curtains that are never closed. Right by them to the left - the door to Henry’s Chambers.

The next wall is a thin partition between us and Richatrd’s bedroom. In it, there is a small illusion panel, enough to fit William Conroy’s sarcophagus.

The wall after that has a door to the hall, and anyone can come through it at any time. Granted, only the Arkabins use that hall.

Then we have the closet, and arrive back to the half-wall, where Daniel’s alcohol bar was retro-fitted. This wall abruptly ends to reveal the Spiral Staircase, with a door to the kitchen. We just made a made a 360 degree turn.

“Don’t worry about it…” James pushes Daniel to his knees and starts removing his shirt. “I know you have surrendered to Henry. I know you have a drinking problem. I know you feel awkward in your body, God only knows why. You have a divine body. But, anyway, don’t we all. Ehm… what else? You broke your Covenant, and you wish you were smarter to have achieved more. The rest can be filled in later. I want you. I want this not to be a one-night stand for us.”

“I want the same.” Daniel nods readily. “But what kind of a bond are we talking about?” There is concern in his voice.

“You’re Henry’s man, Henry is Golden-Threaded to me via Krotkie. Technically, with Henry’s permission I can Golden-Thread you.”

Right. We all know what is coming next.

“Last time you said that a man went into a casket.” Daniel responds very quickly.

“It’s a SARCOPHAGUS!” James retorts (as expected).

“That’s not the point, James. I’m sure it feels all the same to Professor Conroy.” Daniel is now stripped to his waist.

Kellspell motions him to get up and lay on the bed face down.

“What do you want?” James takes off his shirt, and unzips his pants.

“I do not want to rush things, James.” At the signs of naked Kellspell Daniel is now breathing hard into his hands as he lays on the bed. “How do you “create” the bond? Can we forge it link by link as the days go by, without setting high expectations?”

“Fine. You’re afraid of the Golden Thread Ritual.” James lays on top of Garner.

“It’s not that, James.” Daniel whispers. “I’m mortally afraid to do something that will upset you. And then it’s a long fall back into the muggle/sleeping masses, or whatever you want to call it.”

“That’s what the bond is for, Daniel!” Kellspell makes motions wit his hips on top of Garner, teasing him. “So that neither one of us can discard the other only because”your” ego didn’t like something.”



Áàíêè, âûäàþùèå Âåñòåðí Þíèîí - phone numbers?



“James, what is going on?” I say as Kellspell bursts through the sliding door, rushes right past me, through the bedroom, and out of the other door into the hall.

His face is pale and his hands are trembling. A second later, he is gone.

Daniel rushes after him.

“Mr. Garner, what is going on?”

Daniel stops for a second, obviously upset that I stopped him, as he wants to follow James.

“Russia has new rules for Western Union. Now, in order to get it, you must prove that you’re a relative. James can’t prove that for Dobry, because of his different last names in the USA. And even if he could do it, he can’t prove that for Merion. God help us, Wallace! James is beside himself that the Russian would do that.”
;“It’s been OK for 20 years…” I say meekly. “How could they cut everyone off Western Union from the USA like that?”

“This is Russia, fuck, Wallace, get on board. They ALWAYS make it VERY hard for their citizens to do ANYTHING! God help James, Wallace. He has downed a bottle of whiskey, and it is ONLY 6:06 am!”

This is ALL Daniel says. He, then, rushes out of the door after James.

I MUST go, too. I’m the Arkchil Operator, I AM allowed into Prince Moretr’s Office with James. I want to run after them, but Henry comes through the sliding door, slightly shaken.

“You were supposed to be in London.” I mumble, and shake off the shards of glass from his shoulders. “Did you get hit by Mr. Milgram’s bottle as you were running across the lawn under the windows of his apartment?”

“Yes. But he was drunk, so he threw the bottle awkwardly, it broke over the window sill, so all I got was the shards.” Henry explains hastily.

“Are you here because Jim’s mother was denied access to the money James sent her?” I say, barely breathing, wondering how that feels when someone throws a bottle at your head, and God shields you from it, and all you get is the sparkling shards on your shoulders?

“No.” Henry is solemn. “It’s not just Western Union. I used the Lemhi Pass to get here because Wells Fargo also denied H.M.’s claim that he was defraud by the man who stole $12 000 from him by placing the fake ad about the side-by-side, to which H.M. answered, and the man took the money by Wells Fargo, but never sent the side-by-side Ranger. H.M. is out of 12 thousand dollars, and Wells Fargo capitalised on the transaction by making $30. They just denied H.M. claim, and they will let the scoundrel makeaway with the money. They told H.M. to contact FBI if he cares to get any justice.”

“How the fuck is this possible?”

“The morning of bad news, Wallace. Be strong.” Henry proceeded through the bedroom, and out of the door.

I only stand for another second before I pat William’s sarcophagus for good luck (ok, a new thing her, right?) and run to the hall after Henry, Daniel and James.

As I pass Sheba and David’s room on the way to Moretr’s office, I wonder how is this possible? James now has to look for new ways of sending money to Merion and Dobry, and H.M. needs to contact the FBI because Wells Fargo Bank would not admit its fault in the fraudulent transaction. How could ALL THIS happen to us, IN ONE DAY? Isn’t James with God?

I’m almost to Moretr’s Office door when someone places a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s going to be alright.”

I turn around and it is Sheba.

“Sheba!” I scream and hug her tightly. “$12 000 is a lot of money, but it is nothing in comparison with what is happening with Western Union in Russia! Sheba, James is devastated that he can’t send money too Dobry and Merion any more!!!”

“I’m so happy I can be of help.” Sheba is sad and her smile is faint. “I just received a message from Melekh that He will NOT leave his faithful in such trouble.”

“James did not create this trouble, Sheba!!!” I can’t handle it anymore, and I lean against the wall, holding on to my racing heart. “James was doing all he could to be on his best behaviour, and now this?!”

“There are other things at play, Mr. Smith.” Sheba places both hands on my shoulders. “I was always a bearer of bad news for James, I always disappointed him by attacking those he loved. I left the set because I disagreed with James Kellspell and Henry Carlton. Apparently, you can take an actor out the filming set, but you can’t take the filming set out of the actor. I have been living with this for almost a year now, unable to return to my duties, because another person now plays my role.”

“Sure.” I respond, my lips heavy as lead.

That OTHER person is me. Sheba left, and Richard Rockford was appointed as Jim’s new Arkchil Operator. That lasted for about a month until Richard committed a crime, incompatible with his position.

They scrambled for a new person, and that was the poor forgotten me.

Now we find out that Sheba Reddington, everything was going for her on the set of the “Emerald Filament” team, by the way, is regretful about her decision to leave the filming set in protest of the way James Kellspell was being treated by Henry Carlton.

Sheba’s pain is palpable - it is in her eyes and in her polite, tired smile. I nod and I know that in my haste I’m being HEARTLESS. I hope Sheba skips this editorial to the part where she is helpful with the CURRENT brouhaha.

There is no point rehashing the old stuff. Besides, remembering the “old stuff” makes me uncomfortable. She was appointed to the position of the Arkchil Operator to Prophet Arzadellin.

I got the job of the Arkchil Operator because someone else fucked up. Does she know how I FEEL? Does anyone?

“Melekh is working on resolving Mr. Kellspell’s issues. He will be in Moretr’s Office in 6 minutes.” Sheba says very quietly. It is possible she can see my mind, where I want answers and action instead of a trip down the Memory Lane.

The reason I suspect Sheba can see my mind: if you were allowed into the network once, it cannot be undone. That is how Richard still controls James, even when all official ties were severed after his conviction of sexual assault.

“Thank you, Ms. Reddington.

The second reason as to why Sheba jumped off Jim’s train was because he would not let her change her name from “Sheba of Salem” to “Sheba Reddington”.

As much as I can’t get distracted to Sheba’s problems right now, I must try and tend to her wounds, too. This is what Jim is all about. He heals our wounds, even when sometimes he is the one who caused them.

“James and H.M., therefore ALL OF US, took two hits today. Two hits that James did not deserve. Two hits that did not stem from his negative behaviour.”

I nod stiffly and wish she let me go. She is tired, her “Jew hair” is disheveled, and her eyes are dark, like all hope is gone from them. She feels more dead than Conroy, for God’s sake.
 
The first ray of morning sun hits my eyes through Sheba’s apartment door she kept ajar while talking to me.

“We are not alone in this.” I remind her, seeking to get up after a fall we all took.

It seems to have effect on Sheba.

“We must be strong, and have faith, and Melekh will lead us out.” Sheba’s face is now stern. Some confidence came to her voice, too.

Melekh must be close already, lifting ALL of our hearts.

Sheba squeezes my shoulders in support, and goes back into her room. A glimpse of David Reddington can be acquired as Sheba closes the door behind herself.

Reddington is standing by the window in a dressing gown, smoking a cigarette. He looks crestfallen as the sunshine warms up his features ever so slowly.


When I rush into Moretr’s office, I find James standing in front of Moretr’s table, whispering something, like a prayer. His face is covered with large streaming tears, and his lips are constantly moving.

Later on I requested the Arkchil Record. It stated that James Kellspell was not whispering a prayer. In fact, he was repeating the lines of a Russian song. Here is what he was saying:

“È âîò òîãäà - èç ñëåç, èç òåìíîòû
Èç áåäíîãî íåâåæåñòâà áûëîãî
Äðóçåé ìîèõ ìîõíàòûå õâîñòû
Ïîÿâÿòñÿ è ðàñòâîðÿòñÿ ñíîâà.”

Had I known that at the time, his next actions would not have seen so insane to me.

Moretr gets up to greet James, and the next second he collapses slowly to the floor.

Prince Moretr is Melekh Shel Zahav’s lower avatar.

When Melekh talks to James directly, he turns off his lower avatar.

“James, I understand that you are shaken about the news from Western Union. Your mother’s future is on the line, and your mother’s caregiver’s too. Be rest assured that we’re doing everything possible to clear up the problem. I have promised to take care of Dobry and Merion, and I would be no good if I could not help you.”

The door is heard opening and closing behind me.

“What is going on?” Lady Anne creeps up and grabs my hand. Her eyes are on the tall dark-haired man talking to our James. James is with his back to us, Moretr’s body is on the floor to Jim’s right, and Melekh is behind Moretr’s desk, warmth and reassurance of love coming from him, filling the room.

I may be too shaken to accept it yet.;;“I have never seen James so worked up about money. I know H.M. is out of 12 grand with the fraud at Wells Fargo, and I know Jim is pissed about the Russian Government’s new Western Union regulations, but…”

Lady Anne’s big eyes are waiting for me to finish, and I lose my thought when I hear Jim’s voice.

“Father, I have been hit!”

“I know, James.” Melekh nods, goes around the table and hugs his sweet protege and martyr. “I will not let anyone harm my faithful. How can I expect of you to preach that if you have not experienced it yourself? If you were hurt and God did not come for help? How can you proselytise something that you do not believe is true?”

“Yeah!” Jim’s eyes are now lit up by the morning sun, and the mist seeps through the wide, open windows of Moretr’s Office. “Please help me.”

“And I will.”

“I think I’m in love.”

“You are?” Shel Zahav smiles, and Lady Anne squeezes my hand even tighter. Apparently, his smile, and his presence in general affected her the same as me.

Even as Jim is hurting from the news. And Sheba is hurting because she’s been out of work for a year. Henry is hurting because he feels like he is a prisoner. And I’m hurting because that’s what I do.

Wait, what?

“What?” Lady Anne’s lips repeat, as she is staring at James, and then at me, as if in slow motion.

“These times that I see You personally are so rare. Father, please, listen.
After William was no longer able to work, Henry had to go to London. He needed someone… So he sent a man to look after me. His name is Daniel Garner. He is shy, and sweet, and he suffers so. I know he surrendered to Henry, and that is forever, but I feel that I must give him a hand. I want to marry him… I proposed to him, but he seems to be unsure. And I don’t blame him - the last time I married a man, he ended up in a coffin… But I have to create my own bond with him… Would you persuade him to say “yes”? I’m sure Henry would not mind, because Daniel is so desperately dedicated to him. Please… I want to include Daniel into our family. I can’t bear to hear him cry himself to sleep every night, because he thinks he will be dismissed as soon as Henry does not need him anymore. He is a really good man, and he could not find a job… I can make him my press-secretary, like Richard Rockford was. Then Wallace won’t have to deal with the journalists… Please!”


“Daniel is in so much pain, he is only one lifetime away from collapsing into a cat avatar! Let me help him! But in order to help him I need a LEGITIMATE BOND!”

Merion: “I’m so tired of this! Every day I clean and cook, and I have nothing to show for it. I need a renovation in my apartment, and I have no money. My life is one big Groundhog Day.


JKellspell, to me (Wallace Smith): Everyone is crying today. The day of NO MOON seems to be even harder on us than the pull of the NEW MOON.”


Melekh Shel Zahav: In the name of Crystal Valley, James, relax! This is what I need from you: you must surrender ALL control over your fate. NOW. Then I will give you Daniel.”

JKellspell: “Yes. What do you need me to do so I could bond Daniel?”

Melekh Shel Zahav: See these three wires? The blue, the red and the sky-blue?

JKellspell, breathlessly: Yes.;;Melekh Shel Zahav: Touch your LHS Bridgeplate with the thought of Me.

JKellspell: LHS engaged, all my attention is on You.

Melekh Shel Zahav: See the red, the blue and the sky-blue  stones glowing at each end of your LHS Bridgeplate? Stretch the red wire from the red stone, and hang it above the ego machine, now encapsulated in the Seashell. Stretch the blue wire from the blue stone at the end of the triangle, and above the Seashell with the eg-machine. Do the same with the sky-blue stone and the wire.”

JKellspell: Done.

Melekh Shel Zahav: How long can you hold them from one point to another above your head?

JKellspell: How much time do you need?

Melekh Shel Zahav: I need 3 months, and by spring, I promise, I will give youth pieces to the Key that will make it whole and it will transform your dream sequence, as well as of those with you.

JKellspell: I will hold the precious wires above everything for long as you pay my bills, fill my bowl with tuna and give me the painkillers. I ask for nothing more, but one more spouse. I can’t have Rockford, and I can’t have Conroy. Can I have Garner? He is the cutest of the three, anyway. Please!

Melekh Shel Zahav: Surrender ALL the protocols with which you put together that darned tape recorder, and you can have Garner.

JKellspel: Anything to lay my hands on Daniel legally.

Melekh Shel Zahav: You’ve got yourself a deal, young man.

With that, Melekh kisses James on the forehead and walks out. Moretr gets up, takes a breath, and orders The Arkabins to usher us out of his Office. Among them is Ustilim Sherbin, the Head Arkabin, and Jim’s friend.

As I watch Sherbin close the door behind us, I remember Jim’s words about him: “Ustilim lost, like, 19 sons to the Yanari Human Sacrifice ritual. And he is proud of it. Something is wrong with this world, Wallace. It’s not just the Earth. The violence is made look like a badge of honour in every corner across the Universe. We’re ALL sick, my friend. It is because we have WRONG GOALS. Love is the only worthy goal. You only cry for Love and you sacrifice yourself for love. If your goal is other - do not be surprised to find yourself in tremendous pain. It’s either Love or Pain. It’s either Love or Fear. There is nothing else and nothing in-between, Wallace. Get up and choose your side.”



4LKJag

UstilimSherbin: James, are you aware that in the period between 22 and 4th (a period of 13 days) you consumed exactly 40 drinks, which averages at about 3 drinks a day?

JKellspell: Yes. I’m aware that I drink too much. I’m an alcoholic. And I’m fucked. And gaining weight. And very ashamed. And Jaguar has already whipped me for that. What do you want? I need a comprehensive AA program. Not just sir around and TALK about how I want to drink^ but GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE to do INSTEAD of drinking. Man, by the end of this I will learn how to run a PERFECT REHAB, after which you WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN. And I will make millions.

Lady Anne, alarmed: When did Mr. Jaguar “whipped” as you put it?

JKellspell, slightly annoyed: Today. As soon as he found out  that I drink like a fish!

Lady Anne: Did he make you take off your pants and whip your ass? Or, did he strip you to your waist, tied you up and whipped your back?

JKellspell: FUCK, Mercy, Lady Anne! I have to do my chemistry class in 20 mins, and now I’m nursing a huge one, because you had to bring EVERYONE’s ATTENTION to our love games!

Lady Anne: Please, answer my question, Mr. Kellspell, because I would like to document your injuries that you have received due to cruel and unusual punishment from Mr. Jaguar, who, apparently, thinks that hazing of overweight people is ok.

JKellspell, now angry: My Lady, I will make this very easy for you. When was the last time YOU got me off?
;Lady Anne: What kind of a question is that, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell: Well, Mr. Jaguar gets us both off three times a week. Until you figure out how to do that, I’d ask you not to question his methods. And there is nothing cruel, or unusual about kinky sex. Overweight or otherwise.

Lady Anne, blushing: Mr. Kellspell!




Here is the transcript of Jim’s conversation with the Arkabin doctor about his weight gain due to his uncontrolled drinking:


UstilimSherbin: Silence, please. James, right now you weigh 135 pounds.

JKellspell: Fuck, I know! I have gained 15 pounds in the last 6 months because of the injections, but also, due to my out-of-control drinking.

UstilimSherbin: When Lord Carlton had emotional issues, I prescribed an exercise program for him, and, as you all remember, I took him out for jogging every night. Do you think you can handle something like that? I know you like to dance. We could do three 30 min dancing classes a day.

JKellspell: This sounds cool. But honestly, ANY program that will help me lose weight, is welcome. Whatever I need to do. If I must give a blow job to ten elephants a day to lose two pounds a month, I’m there.

This is where I totally fell apart laughing. Sherbin has a very good sense of humour.

UstilimSherbin: It will depend on whether you swallow or spit.








Prince Moretr: What is your deepest concern, James?

JKellspell:    “Father tells me what is real.
                This is how my wounds will heal.”
Is that true in your book?

Prince Moretr: I channel Melekh Shel Zahav, who is Level 99, one incarnation away from God. So, yes, I believe that.

JKellspell: OK. Besides Misty Shield “God will save your soul” verses, what help can you offer to my problems? It is now 6:54 am. I started drinking at 5:30am, as soon as I woke up. I’m only allowed 3 glasses of wine a day, because I gain weight like a pig. Realistically, 6 glasses would do, but that would net me a pound of fat a week which will sink all of your efforts to keep me in shape. It is 6:56 am right now, and all I want is another drink. If I allow myself another drink, there will ONLY be 1 drink left for the rest of the day. While, in all honesty, I need one an hour to keep my mood above the water line, basically. What can we do besides waxing philosophic and exchange beautiful sentiments and bombastic platitudes that do not help me deal with my alcoholism?

Prince Moretr: Your problems come from the fact that you root your joy in a chemical source, instead of the spiritual one.

JKellspell: Thank you, that was an amazing, useless statement. What do I do with a deep desire within that calls me to satisfy it the only way I know how?

Prince Moretr: You need to become more spiritual.

JKellspell: May I warn you, sir - ALL your advice on how to achieve that amazing spiritual connection needs to be practical.

Prince Moretr: Believe me, James, I will deliver. In MY time, not yours. Your time is too fleeting. Stay with Me and I will help you.

JKellspell: Thank you. (Sighs, get off his high horse). I appreciate it. But my day is very long. And, although I no longer need to deal with a burning volcano which is H.M., and he had become way softer, my day is still very long. The path from the morning to the evening lasts forever. Fear is prevalent on that path. I’m ALWAYS afraid of something, for the ego pokes me with this NES-poison…







          KEY WEST “RECONCILIATION”
                TRIP FOR H.M.
                8-12 LK JAG

Lady Anne: What was the most important thing you understood in this trip, Mr. Kellspell?

JKellspell: God has full control over Time. He WILL shorten your suffering, if you ask Him.

Lady Anne: How?

JKellspell: Here’s how: I have created “suffering”. A very heavy, poisonous substance, that my Father would never let me experience. In order to experience suffering, however, I needed TIME. Suffering is very heavy, so it takes a LOT OF TIME to fit enough of it in. I knew that. In the Presence of God, Time flows very slowly. But once you fall DOWN the seashell (t the WIDEST part of it), there is MORE AND MORE TIME TO FILL WITH SUFFERING. That is why, for this “New Universe Prank ”, that caused my Father so many Tears, and pain, I knew, I needed TIME if I wanted to run away from the ALL-LOVING GOD, and experience SUFFERING. So, I fell down “Sea Shell Effect”. And as I I was on Level 1 and remembered all the stuff I did in order to INITIATE the “Original Sin”… Jaguar called me on Level 2, and ordered me into his Head Quarters.”

Lady Anne: Were you happy or fearful when he called?


JKellspell: I was elated! Fuck! Now, it’s been three months since we we not allowed to see each other, because between the two of us, we burn too much “Emerald Filament”!!! But I miss him. He is the only reason I want to carry on with the Experiment!

Lady Anne: So, you became excited and came to his place? What happened when you came over to his place?

JKellspell, readily: Jaguar tied me to the bed and had sex with me. It was brutal, an I was heady. He used me like a rag doll, and I was giddy with joy. Hm, do you want details?

Lady Anne, not even blushing: Heck, why not?;;JKellspell: Thank you for asking. The passion was exactly like one summer field trip, where Jaguar made me give him a blow job in the middle of the field in Citadel21. Remember, when Lady Ti  called me and told me to come over?

Lady Anne: Yes.

JKellspelll: I did, and she asked what was that bloody mark on the bridge of my nose?

Lady Anne: I was wondering about that, too. For a few days you were walking around with those marks on your face, yes.

JKellspell: Those precious marks were from the buckle of her husband’s belt, and she had seen it on other soldiers, Lady Ti told me.

Lady Anne: How would the marks appear on the faces of soldiers?

JKellspell: The marks would appear because Jaguar would press your head against his crotch, and his belt buckle would leave an imprint on a soldier’s forehead, or bridge of their nose depending on how tall they are when they’re kneeling in front of Jaguar.

Lady Anne: James, you are the only person who can deliver a huge amount of information in one sentence without taking a single breath. Yes, I was there, but just out of respect for audience, did Lady Ti confront you about the belt marks on the bridge of your nose?

JKellspell: yes, she said, and I quote: did my husband order you to give him a blow job in field conditions?” I was like - how the fuck did you know THAT, and he’d kill me if I said “yes”.

Lady Anne: What did Lady Ti respond?

JKellspell: Fuck, She will kill me if I told you!

Lady Anne: No, she will not. This interview will be delivered to her, not to Mr. Jaguar.

JKellspell: OK, fine. She responded: Your dumb arrogant ass thinks you can seduce my husband, and make him your own? I have witnessed a hundred of his soldiers that thought the same. They ALL bore his “mark” on their forehead. He forced them ALL to their knees, and he made them his sex slaves. YOU ARE just a fly in his web. He is the spider, and he will suck you dry. What makes you think you’re different from all of his other victims, other flies?

Lady Anne, wiping tears from her eyes: James, excellent performance! Do you know how many people are envious of your success right now?

JKellspell: What? What the fuck are you talking about? What “performance”? What people? Are they watching us like CNN?

Lady Anne, sobbing: No, they’re watching us like “Naked and Afraid”.

JKellspell: Fuck you all. You’re full of shit. I have no idea what you just said and who is watching us. Listen what happened: Lady Ti said all that, and here comes Jaguar, and he whips me across my face with a riding crop. Lady Ti, is like, speechless, and Jaguar is so full of desire to fuck me that he can no longer control himself. This is where I blacked out, because he looked at me, like - take off your pants and turn around! And I was like - but Lady Ti is here, moi gospodin, I thought you wanted to show your better self in front of her. This is where he turned me off, and the next thing I know I wake up, feeling with a collar on my neck, leashed to his bed. And you’re there, and I’m asking you to unchain me temporarily, so I could go to the bathroom. Do you  remember something like that?



JKellspell: What are the orders from Jaguar, Lady Anne?

Lady Anne, with a sigh: I have a problem with these orders, James.

JKellspell, getting angry real quickly: Give me my master’s orders, please, now, or I will get unhinged!!!

Lady Anne, biting her lips: OK. Here: “Do the dishes, then do my laundry, then wash the floors. I need you in bed, chained, by 6pm. I will come over and everything better be to my standards or I will whip you.”

JKellspell, rubbing himself between his legs: Is this it?

Lady Anne: James, YOU’RE BEING USED!

JKellspell, losing it: Fuck, you SOUND LIKe SHEBA!!! That’s because you are ALL pussies! I want to be the WINNER, I want to be ABOVE THE CROWD, and you’re all in my way. Follow his orders, or I will find someone who will!!!

Lady Anne, who does not back down, and never gives up: I want you to be the winner, too! But this man wants to own you and make you his slave! He left me a three-page note on what you need to clean, and how well. He will give young white-glove inspection and if there is any dirt anywhere, you will be sleeping on the floor tonight. How is this “being above the crowd”, James?

JKellspell: What was that? (Touches his crotch with a blissful smile. “He will make me sleep on the floor tonight”?

Lady Anne: James, you’re being used, humiliated, treated poorly. In addition to that Jaguar physically abuses you, and he shamelessly makes you work all your waking hours.

JKellspell, staring into the wall as if Jesus Christ Himself transpired there: I know, fuck. How am I so lucky? I know you’re envious that he did not choose YOU, but I’m simply more loyal. I’m above the crowd.

LadyAnne: James, today you spent three hours cleaning his bathroom with a toothbrush, all, including his toilet and the tiles!!! How is this “being above the crowd”?!

JKellspell, now calm, like a Tibetan monk: The ONLY TIME you’re “above the crowd” is when you’re crucified. You say you want me on the cross, but NONE of YOU have balls to actually nail me to it. Jaguar not only has the balls, but he also has the nails. And a hammer. And the ardent desire to show me where I belong, and then rape me for his pleasure before the evening news. You sound like Sheba, you want me calm, you want peace, but neither one of you made any fucking attempt to get me off to obtain that peace.

Lady Anne: I just have hard time with his cruelty. He treats you like an animal. Like, it’s time to shave the sheep, and the sheep gets chased into a corral, tied up, shaved, and its hair shipped for sale for the profit of the owners.

JKellspell: Wow, THAT was poetic!

Lady Anne: That was pathetic, James. I’m so upset with the way you’re being treated!

JKellspell, with a smile: Why don’t I cheer you up? Ask me what was the hardest part of cleaning Jaguar’s apartment today?;;Lady Anne, giving up on trying to get James to see the reality: We’re so far apart on this James… OK, I’ll play along. What was it?

JKellspell: Vacuuming in his closet. And then, to top it off, I had to clean all of his shoes. This is where I passed out, twice that I remember. And I only had this much time to clean. See, he gave me a list of things to do in his apartment. Like, chores. And there was only THIS MUCH time allowed per each activity. I had to do his laundry, which was a lot, change his sheets, clean up in his closet, polish his shoes, wash the floors, and also cook him dinner.

Lady Anne: Cook him dinner? Your cooking never goes farther than “open a can of tuna with the can opener and eat out of the can”.

JKellspell, his eyes bright, his breathing hastened: I’ll tell you about cooking, you just wait. This is not the first time he made me cook. But anyway, the hardest part was the laundry, because I collapsed sniffing his underwear. But I was only out for not more than 3 minutes. After that I wisened up, and had to wash the rest without burying my face in his shirts and socks. But the hardest trial was still to come. It was when I passed out sniffing his shoes in the closet… Three times, total of 14 minutes, and that reflected on my overall performance, because the laundry was not ALL done and folded by the time he came back…

Lady Anne: Did he make you sniff his shoes?

JKellspell: What? No! I did it on my own. I could not resist. But, anyway. And then, inserted him the dinner, and he sat there, and ate my fish, and the potatoes, for what must have been 15 minutes. As I stood in front of him… I mean, behind him… Talking about a cliff hanger! These were the hardest 15 minutes of my entire life! What if he did not like my cooking?

Lady Anne: What did he say?

JKellspell: Oh, he said NOTHING! He is a military pilot! It is all about maintaining the “sterile cockpit”.

Lady Anne, raising her brows: What is that?

JKellspell: basically, stick to your list of stuff to do and do not get distracted to chit-chat, or you will land on the wrong runway, and shoot the wrong target, how’s that for an answer? If anything is wrong, he will let me know. Other than that, maintain radio silence.

Lady Anne: Let’s talk about your cooking: What did you make him for dinner?

JKellspell, talking fast, as if on puppy-upper drugs: Sugar salmon with onions and fried potatoes. The ONLY dish I can ever make.

Lady Anne, now intrigued: Well, did he like it?

JKellspell: YES! He ate it all, and then ordered me to clean up. That is how I knew that he liked it. But not everything went well on my first day of TOGETHER AGAIN. I fucked up, and lined his shoes on the wrong side of the closet. I don’t know what came over me to place his shoes to the right, instead of to the left, under all his pants.

Lady Anne: Was Jaguar upset at that?

JKellspell: He just told me “Do not ever disobey me.” And I did not. I would not think of it. I just forgot where the shoes went after I took everything off the floor to vacuum it.






15LKJAG       LADY ANNE GOES TO THE SAFARI
                AND GETS JAGUAR


Wallace Smith’s channel, re-broadcast from Lady Anne’s diary:

“Blinsky was very happy today. No one, including me, saw him so happy before. It was 5:45 am. By 6 am he started his shift at Jaguar’s apartment (an illusion panel was installed for the entire Head Quarters inside of the former classroom).

He cleaned the floors, dusted the entire HeadQuarters, washed windows, polished Jaguar’s shoes and did whatever else he was ordered to do.

Blinsky worked for ten hours straight with a very short lunch, which was supervised by Jaguar himself. James is not allowed to eat, unless Jaguar is watching him eat and makes sure James does not eat anything that will make him fat. Jaguar also decides HOW MUCH James is to eat.

I could never stand for such tyranny. My poor, gullible, exploited Blinksy was hungry ALL DAY!

4pm, and James came back to his bedroom. His eyes were unfocused, and a faint smile played on his tired, dusty face.

For a while, he laid on top of the comforter on his bed, with Krotkie by his side. Then he buried his face into Krotkie’s fur, his hand slipped between his legs, and he rubbed himself as he released a haunting, quiet laugh.

His laugh sent shivers down my spine. He must be losing it from all the hard work and cruelty of his new boss.

No one, but me, witnesses how much James is suffering. Something needs to be done about it.

A few minutes later Henry called from London to Jim’s LHS Bridgeplate. In fact, Henry calls James all the time, and most of the time James does not pick up, because now he is at work.

This makes Henry desperate, as he is not used to such treatment, and he can’t make it through the day without calling James at least five times.

So, finally, at almost 5 pm, the star-crossed lovers could talk. Or it seemed so. But as soon as Henry started complaining about how hard his life is, and yelling at James to do more to help him, and James tried to calm him down, as always, JAGUAR CALLED MY Bridgeplate.

“Send Kellspell in, will you? He has not finished cleaning.” Jaguar said dryly.

Why do I always stick my nose where it does not belong?

“He is in bed, sir, talking to Henry Carlton. He is very tired! He’s already done a ten hour shift for you today. Will you please let him rest?”

“I will pretend I did not hear that, Lady Anne. Send Kellspell in immediately. If he is not here in five minutes, he will face discipline.”

And Jaguar hung up, as my heart fell all the way into my stomach.

Last time I heard him say that, the old, crusty military man whipped James with his belt.

I only found out by accident, when I saw the horrifying footage on Mr. Smith’s Bridgeplate.

“What is going on? Who called?” James perked his ears. “WAS IT JAGUAR?”

Who else would I be calling “sir”?

“Yes, James, but do you not have any private time? Why is he using you so?”

Blinsky went pale. “Henry, I will call you back. I must go now.”

“But, James, I’m lonely and I’m in so much pain… There is not enough alcohol to carry me through tonight…”

“Henry, Daddy loves you! But if you want me to support you and your parents, I must work. I will call you tonight, I promise!”

With that, Blinsky jumped off the bed and ran off through the sliding door, through a hole in the hedge, and onto the lawn in front of the HeadQuarters’ back doors.

In the afternoon warmth of Malachite Constellation’s Blue House of the Moon, I heard him crash against the glass sliding door of Jaguar’s apartment.

James does not see anything in front of himself when he is in a hurry. I would have laughed, but at that moment all I wanted to do was cry for his sweet little heart so many pushy people want to exploit shamelessly.

Yesterday Jaguar made Jim work since 6 am, all the way into the night. Probably 14 hours, during which Blinsky was not allowed to eat at all.

Blinsky showed up at 9 pm and gobbled up the salad and tuna from the can within a couple of minutes. He was that hungry. I watched him with my heart full of sorrow, and pondered if I should bring it up to Matushka. Clearly, poor trusting Blinsky is being used.

But, when I came upstairs, Matushka was not there. Tearfully, I told Dr. Michael about the abuse James endures at the hands of Jaguar. To which Dr. Michael said, and I quote: “Sets him right. He better work hard, or I WILL whip him.”

And I can’t blame Dr. Michael. James did attempt a sexual assault on him.

I’m still going to talk to Matushka.”


“OK, talked to Matushka today. I told her that James is being forced to work fourteen hours a day, he is not getting paid, and he is not allowed to eat all day. He endures emotional abuse, derogatory remarks, and is being called “fat faggot”. That is just what I know. Plus, he gets raped every night, and one morning he came back with a locked jaw, in terrible pain.

Clearly, it was because Jaguar subjected him to rough sex.

God bless Matushka, she did not brush me off. She became concerned. She went to talk to Lady Ti right away. Lady Ti, apparently, found these facts to be important enough to bring them to Jaguar’s attention.

Lady Ti, then let Matushka know that she took all that seriously and was expecting a comprehensive explanation from her husband as to the poor treatment of his employee.

Matushka and I were satisfied. I could not wait for the evening to tell the sweet, helpless, exploited James about our work on his behalf. It should make his enslaved life easier.

But Blinsky beat me to it.

Next thing I knew, he came back after dark, as usual, but he was pissed, and he attacked me, accusing me of wanting to “destroy his happiness”.

Blinsky told me that Lady Ti yelled at Jaguar, and Jaguar was livid that someone told on him behind his back. James knew he did not do it, so he looked up the Arkchil Record and saw me confiding in Matushka. So, he traced the problem to ME. All that brouhaha “ruined their good time”, Blinsky growled.

Appalled at his lack of gratitude, I did not take that laying down and confronted him about his jaw. He was in so much pain, all he could do that night was drink kefir through a straw. I saw it. I was there!

What happened, I asked James, did Jaguar shove his dick so far down your throat that he dislocated your jaw?

But Blinsky said that Jaguar “is very caring”, and that he had nothing to do with his jaw. It was an “old martial arts injury”, and it locked up all by itself. Blinsky, then, asked me to “mind my own beeswax”, and did not talk to me for the rest of the night.

This is what you get trying to do the RIGHT THING!

Distraught, I went upstairs, and cried in Matushka’s embrace.

How do we help our ONLY navigator? Jaguar will work and fuck him to death.”


Wallace Smith, in conclusion: I know better than getting into it. Sheba spent 14 months beating her head against that one, and it did not end well for her. She’s been out of work ever since. And I do not even have her charms. I’m ten years older and ten times uglier. I fall out of grace with James, and I’m toast. I will never find another job. So, better stay out of this.






16LKJAG            JAGUAR GOES TO THE HUNT
                AND GETS LADY ANNE


4:45 am And James is up.

“What are you doing here so early?” I walk into the bathroom to take a leak, and James is there.

“I need to shave!!!” Kellspell plugs the electrical shaver and attacks his stubble, and then his chest hair, few and far between.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” I can barely stand. Everything is still spinning. Last night, waiting for James and Krotkie, Lady Anne, Daniel and I drank, possibly, a bottle of whiskey each. “It does not take an hour to shave your “mane”.

“Possibly.” Kellspell nods, turns off the shaver and brushes his teeth his electric brush in needlessly sharp, repeating movements. “But I have to be at Jaguar’s by 5 am, and not by 6 am today.”

Figures. Every day James works more and more hours. Soon he will be just sleeping in Jaguar’s bedroom on the rug by the door. But mum’s the word. I will not piss off my Mate James by anti-Jaguar sentiments.

And so he leaves in a hurry.

Daniel wakes up, and then, Lady Anne, who is now sleeping with us to be near James and soothe his “wounds”.


5:18 pm

“I have been reading your channel, Mr. Smith. I have a question about your today’s entry.” Lady Anne is done helping Matushka make dinner, and she is on her way to cut some roses to put on the table.

“Yes, my Lady.” I respond and feel my hands starting to shake.

I have nothing to be afraid of.

Absolutely nothing.

Mainly because I’m tired of living in fear of pissing SOMEONE off. It seems that everyone is fighting with everyone nowadays. All I want is love James and keep my job.

“Why did you put the word “wounds” in quotes, like Blinsky’s wounds are not real to you? Do you know that he gets hurt either by Henry, or by Jaguar on a daily basis?”

Yes, maybe, but I will not be dragged into this one. I take a deep breath and hide my shaking hands in the deep purple of my LHS Bridgeplate.

I want to respond in a way that will satisfy everyone, and will not get me fired, but my mind is blank. But I’m saved by the bell.

James walks in.

And he is dragging his left foot, which is bleeding.

“Aha! What did I tell you?” Lady Anne turns to me, and then rushes to James. “Mr. Kellspell, this time you can’t cover up for your cruel employer! You left at 5 am, you’re back by 5 pm, which makes it a 12-hour working day. Chances are - you were given only a 10-minute lunch, during which you were forced to eat dog food. And then, on top of that, he beat you bloody! Literally, bloody!!!”

“Will you calm down?” Kellspell, unperturbed, leaves the sliding door open, sits down on the bed and starts a cigarette. “I fell down a rabbit hole.”

“A RABBIT HOLE?” Both Lady Anne and I say and I feel laughter overwhelming me, while Lady Anne gets furious.

It did not take long for a fight to start. Wait till Henry calls in.

“Where did you find a RABBIT HOLE ON AN ALIEN SPACESHIP?!” Lady Anne walks to James, kneels in front of him, and examines his bleeding left heel. “Clearly, you’re lying to cover up for him!”

As if a rabbit hole on an a HUMAN SPACESHIP is a normal thing ;).

“What is going on?” Daniel comes back with a plate of food. Did he go Inner Dinner?

I take him aside.

“First, why did you get this food? Have you forgotten that the Michaels have invited us to dinner? Did you not see Matushka and Lady Anne cook away the afternoon?” I go after Daniel.

No, he did not see anything. Too hung over, too depressed lately.

“What is second?” Garner puts the plate on Jim’s night stand and wants to approach James, but I do not let him.

“Second - Jaguar beat James again, and Lady Anne is blowing a gasket. It is only a matter of time before she hits emergency, and we will have a room full of Arkabins to take care of Jim’s wounds. So, I think, both you and I need to leave before the brouhaha begins.”

Daniel stares at me, and I can see that he cried all night again. Sometimes I can hear him howl quietly, and sometimes I just see it in his eyes in the morning.

But we do not get a chance to escape.

“Daniel!” Lady Anne motions for my mate to come over. “Go to the lawn in front of the Hand Quarters, and look for ANYTHING that REMOTEDLY RESEMBLES a “rabbit hole”. Report back!”

“It’s to the left, by the hedge…” James says, finishing his cigarette.

“Be quiet, Alice!” Lady Anne snaps at Kellspell. “If Mr. Garner comes back empty, I’m bypassing Matushka and Lady Ti, and calling Prince Moretr’s Office directly. Do you understand? Women’s Council will not tolerate ANY violence here!”

“Women’s Council is out to rob me of my Alphas.” Kellspell sighs, leans over and pulls a bottle of Canadian Whiskey from under his bed. “I used to be very upset at you bitches, when you took my Richard. And then second time, when you broke me up with Jaguar in the end of this summer. But I have become philosophical about it. So, do your worst.”

I watch Krotkie, under the bed, sniffing and licking Jim’s hand.

“And we will, Mr. Kellspell!” Lady Anne goes to the kitchen, comes back with a bottle of 70% alcohol, and wipes Jim’s wound with that.

He continues to drink and does not flinch.
;But Krotkie under the bed moves away, scrunching his nose.

James reaches out for another cigarette, and the pack is empty.

“Uolles, would you get me another pack of cigarettes?” He asks very calmly.

I look at Lady Anne for permission. Honestly, I have no intention of crossing the Women’s Council today. Or any other day for that matter.

“You may.” She nods.

Talking about tyranny.

I get up and find another pack in Daniel’s bar. We get changes in this bedroom with every new mate that James accepts with joy and Russian hospitality.

His recent acquisition, Henry Carlton’s protege, Daniel Garner, wanted a built-in bar. He got it.

The silence is tense. We all are waiting for Daniel to come back with his findings.

“Rabbit hole, really, Mr. Kellspell?” Lady Anne is seething mad, as she applies a large band-aid to Jim’s heel. “You fell into a rabbit hole?”

“Yes, I was going back from Jaguar’s, and I was hot. So I took my shoes off. I ran home to see Wallace and Daniel, and fell into a hole with my left foot. When I tried to pull it out…”

“The rabbit bit you? With you wild imagination, James, you could have come up with a BETTER story as to why you came back BLEEDING AGAIN from a shift at Mr. Jaguar’s!”

The rustling in the hedge. Here comes Daniel!

Both me and Lady Anne look at him with bated breath.

James, however, does not look at Daniel, he is starting another cigarette. The flame from his lighter reflects on his face and goes out in a dance of wild shadows.

“Well, Garner, was that a wild goose chase? There is NO HOLE there!”

“I really am not an expert on wild geese, or rabbits for that matter, but the hole exists. It is deep and rather narrow. Overgrown by grass, and freshly disturbed on one side. Seems like someone either dug at it, or fell into it, and tried to pull their foot out.” Daniel sighs and looks down to avoid lightning in Lady Anne’s eyes.

“Yes. That is how I ripped the skin off my heel. I did not realise how deep the hole was, or that I was stuck. It took me a few awkward attempts to free my foot. End of story.”

“Unbelievable!” Lady Anne growls. “Alright, none of you are going to dinner. You stay here and think about your behaviour!”

With that, she leaves.

“Daniel, where is that plate of food you brought from the cafeteria in such a timely manner?” I ask quietly.

Garner points to Jim’s night stand, and goes to the bar for another bottle.

“Not enough for three.” I stare at the fried fish and potatoes on the plate.

“Enjoy yourselves, I’m not allowed to eat any more tonight.” Kellspell says and feeds a cigarette to Krotkie.

I take a deep breath and share the meal with Daniel.

“Finish eating and go to bed you two. Henry is not coming tonight, and Lady Anne will be late. That is with the dinner at Dr. Michael’s and all. Krotkie, enough.” James picks the cigarette paper out of his teacher’s teeth. “Do you want to get walked before bed?”

“Why can’t we do to dinner? Why are we being punished again?” Garner asks, washing the potatoes down with whiskey, accompanied by the chewing sounds from the large grey wolf UNDER our bed.

“I told you to leave before the brouhaha began.” I remind, leaning on the sarcophagus with a man in coma ABOVE our bed.

“Talking about punishment.” Kellspell opens the door and Krotkie runs out to pee on our lawn. He is the only one Isaak Milgram does not throw bottles at. “Who gives a shit about food. Henry has not been back in TWO WEEKS. I want him so. He misses me terribly. Why can’t we always be together?”