TRIALS OF JAMES KELLSPELL
THE SHEPHERD’S APPRENTICE
Under Carlton-Kellspell River Sigil
CHAPTER 137 (this file - from 119)
Carlton-Kellspell-Conroy
In this chapter:
James is getting over the 8 ft fall from the sandhill, while rock-hunting, on Level 1 Citadel 21, on a branch of a dead tree that punctured his right ass cheek 1,5 inches deep on Svangibir’s Bday, Jaguar. Don’t forget a bunch of cacti his back landed into. Although he was laughing all the time, his body went into shock from blood loss and he collapsed three times before Sue could get him to the camp half a mile away.
The exhausted William, finally, sides with Henry, who explains to the reluctant man, that James is “indestructible” and “eternal”, and therefore he can be pushed around and used to your heart’s content.
Lady Anne does her best to act as Jim’a advocate, even when his appalling behaviour leaves her very little room for negotiations.
James reaches 61 kg (134 pounds) with 5”7 height. He knows he is facing plenty of exercise before that number becomes right (the goal is to get back to 120 pounds by the end of the field trip in Malachite Constellation).
“I need to go record a Hafnian lesson for myself for Level 1… Then I need to call Uri Kumlatov, because I’ve seen him on Andromedan TV in a very unsavoury context, and I want to know why. I haven’t even started on my chemistry lesson. And with all that I need to stay as drunk as I can, because I’m terrified of facing the reality while sober.” James hides the remnants of his whiskey under the bed and stares at the wind-blown curtains of Henry’s bedroom.
I want to run to him and hug him, and kneel in front of him, and tell him how much I love and support him…
Instead:
“What do I care? Have you brought my lunch?”I read off the note, sent to me by Henry.
I grind my teeth, doing it, I hate being mean to James, especially right now.
In the moments like this, he needs tender care and understanding. But having woken up form the drugs the Arkabins were giving him, Henry went into full gear, and started “fixing things”.
He began with shaking William into his senses, told him to stop “being a pussy”, and “Kellsperell’s doormat”, and instructing him how to act CORRECTLY with James.
Then, after going through quite a bit of recorded scenes of what happened on “Emerald Filament” reality show while he was asleep, Henry went after me by explaining, that I will never achieve anything with James by acting “like a begging idiot”.
“You demand. And then you make sure he did everything you demanded before you listen to his drivel. If at all.” This is exactly was Henry said.
So, now, reluctantly, I do what I was told by my very stern friend. My friend is young enough to be my son. And yet, I listen to him.
“God bless you, Wallace.” James responds. “And no, I did not. We can go to Inner Dinner together, and then we pick up the antibiotics for my ass, birth control for my cysts, and vitamin C to offset smoking and gum decease.”
I’m shocked at the reaction I did not expect.
;‘Sure.” I say quickly to hide the avalanche of emotions. So, Henry is right? Being mean pays?
“What about Kumlatov?”
“Kumlatov is 50 million years old! He can take care of himself!”
Halfway to Inner Dinner Jim pulls up his bridgeplate, because he heard a signal in his mind.
Above the bridgeplate, Kumlatov: “James, I’m so fucked… Everyone is mad at me… Even Moretr! I wrote this Memorandum, and…”
James Kellspell, to me: “Go order yourself something, I’ll pay. I must take this call.”
Right. ONCE IN A LIFETIME I had a chance to have a meal with James ALONE.
There is ALWAYS someone more important than me.
James is heard talking into the bridgeplate, while walking away quickly towards the front door that is never open: Uri, listen, I know. What did you expect? “Time Paradox and Sea Smell” wiped their asses with your “Memorandum”. I saw it on the news. And you know why? Because you’re holding the Pelargoniums hostage. You need to get back to your senses, or I swear, I’m calling your sister…”
“No, Regent Kellspell, wait. You listen. I know Clandeslux filed charges against you for religious propaganda. I know you lost your sleep over it, I know you’re afraid to get apprehended once you land on MEOL. I can give you a safe passage to MEOL if you help me make this stuff go away… Maybe you can make them forget…”
“Forget”? Commander, what exactly do you expect them to forget?! Their relatives held hostage by your people? The Prophecy of the Sheiredis taking over Andromedan Federation? They’re fighting tooth and nail not to let you in! And besides…”
The front door slams behind James. He opens it effortlessly when he needs to go out, even when it is ALWAYS LOCKED.
I can still find out about his conversation, but I need to pull up my bridgeplate for that and find the channel on which he communicated with Kumlatov.
But truly, I’m too hungry right now. It was silly to think that James would remember to bring me lunch. He’s been all about William for the last three months. And now HENRY is up.
Get ready to become even more invisible, Mr. Wallace Smith, Regent Kellspell’s Arkchil Operator.
*
*
*
*
*
*
{18UKSJAG}
“So, what is your plan?” Lady Anne can barely hold herself back as she rushes into Prince Moretr’s Office. “Just let Kellspell crash into withdrawal?”
“We do not have any plan.” Prince Moretr shrugs. “James needs to get a hold of himself, he needs to learn patience, and he needs to lose weight. Being off alcohol because he is on antibiotics (Sulfa-metho-xa-zole, dosage unknown) will do him good and will strengthen his spirit.”
“He will be off alcohol for TEN DAYS and you have no plan?” Lady Anne brushes off everything Moretr just said and stays focused.
“The plan is to keep him off alcohol so he loses weight.” Moretr waves in one of his Arkabins and whispers something into his ear. The Arkabin nods and leaves.
“This is ruthless!” Lady Anne’s seething tone gives me shivers, but Moretr is unmoved.
“He was ruthless to enough people. Ask Dr. Michael. Besides, he is not ENTIRELY ruth-less. His sister-in-law is named ‘Ruth”.
I laugh quietly at that, as Jim reaches out for the second bottle of whiskey - my bridgeplate channels Jim’s channel anytime, in a small hexagon on a blue cloud at the right side of my bridgeplate.
“I’ve had it with you! I know there is a civil war in your galaxy, and I know that your mother started it, and you’re full of grief and remorse over Kumlatov’s actions, but, Prince Moretr, you need to have COMPASSION.”
“Have you seen the news recently?” Prince Moretr goes to the window with the backyard full of pine needles. “Time Paradox and Seashell Effect” smeared my Holy Mother’s name is dirt, in part, because of this project.”
“Even as your world, and everything you ever worked for may be collapsing, my Prince, you’re STILL responsible for those you’ve tamed and made serve you. You’ve been experimenting on James Kellspell for six years now, and you won’t help him when he goes into withdrawal tomorrow morning?”
“It’s just ten days. There is no time for this, Lady Anne. Bigger events are calling for my attention. I must defend the honour of my family. What did Regent Kellspell do for the project recently, anyway? What did he do, Lady Anne?” Prince Moretr raises his voice, but because his voice is an illusion, and in fact, his THOUGHTS just SOUND IN YOUR MIND, Lady Anne grabs her ears and shakes her head, maybe trying to shake the alien from Andromeda out of her mind.
“He fell, my Prince.” She finally manages to say. “Regent Kellspell fell eight feet onto a tree branch because he was under your orders to obtain this certain ock.”
“He fell, because he was drunk.” Moretr responds, and then whispers something to two more most gorgeous looking Arkabins, who nod and leave.
A large Net-Comm hexagon lights up behind him, and on it - the recent footage of carnage in Lar-Mur Constellation of Andromeda.
“He fell, because YOU asked him to get this particular quartz rock that was emitting the exact frequency you needed. Have some compassion!”
Lady Anne does not let up. But what will it give her? The Prince seems to have made up his mind to let James suffer.
“Compassion is a waste of time.” Moretr lifts his head and the multicoloured bridgeplate in front of him lights up his fine features of a Mizrahi Jew.
Moretr took up that form to make James happy. Jim remembers the time when he lived as a Roman legionnaire. His centurion in the Roman Army was a Mizrahi Jew named Thaddeo Ahikilim. They were lovers, and James never forgot the man.
Only right now Thaddeo “The Courageous Heart” does not matter. That was a long time ago. But the scenes of violence on Mesmerix Planet, Lar-Mur Constellation on the screen behind Moretr are heartbreaking, and it is the present we will face, once we’re on MEOL.
“Compassion is the only prism through which you can see the REAL picture. Try looking at the world through the prism of disdain and all you’ll see is nonsensical illusion.” Lady Anne does not give up even when cornered with terrifying footages of war. “Please, don’t turn your back on James when he needs you the most. Together we can help him through this. We ALL be better people for it!”
“William, today is my LAST day before I have to go dry.” James is on his knees in front of the bed, on which William lays. “Then I can’t drink for ten days…”
Conroy does not answer, his eyes are closed. But Henry comes through the curtains.
“What do you want, a medal?” He addresses James.
“Henry! Do you feel any better?” James rushes to Lord Carlton.
“Please do not approach me. You smell like garlic, tobacco, and wet dog. I have fallen out of habit of tolerating your savagery.”
“Of course, Henry… I will take a shower, and I will shave!”
James disappears in the bathroom, and the sounds of running water are heard.
Do you know how long sometimes it takes to talk James into taking a shower? Especially when he is in his “cat” persona.
But he will do anything for Henry.
“For the love of God, what is your problem, William?” Carlton, then, moves on to his next victim. “Or, let me rephrase that. What is your PLAN?”
Henry goes there and back in front of the open sliding door, and laying Conroy. “You turned down my offer to help, you said you were going to handle it yourself. Out of respect for you, I gave you two months. And what do I see? James is a mess and all you did was grow older!”
“I don’t know what I did wrong.” Conroy says, looking down, wrapped in the blanket tightly.
“That is a thing with ALL OF YOU! None of you know what you’re doing, or what you’re doing wrong. But ALL of you want to do it YOUR WAY… And James goes out of control, because NONE OF YOU can control him!”
“I thought I was doing everything right!” William says a bit louder, but muffled by the blanket. “I tried to beg him, and I pretended to be healthier than I really was, and I gave James everything I had to give…”
“All of this is bullshit. This is not how you bag Kellspell. You lost him once, and you were about to lose him again!” Henry leans over Conroy, and I can hear his signature threatening hissing tone even from where I stand. “But I will not. And you will listen to me.”
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
INTO WITHDRAWAL
(18UKS-27UKS)
Day 1(18UKS):
;Lady Anne: James, please look at this loop picture of rolling waves. Do you see this seaweed being moved by the waves there and back?”
“I do”
Lady Anne: “I will have ten questions for you. Please answer quickly while you’re looking at the moving seaweed. Today is your first day of forced withdrawal. If at any moment the seaweed turns into a bottle of whiskey, let me know. The first three days will be the hardest.”
“OK.”
1. What is your most vivid memory of 1974?
James Kellspell: The attempted kidnapping of Princess Royal Anne.
Lady Anne: What in particular?
JKellspell: It was all over the news. It was spring, very cold, sloshy, much snow, and my father would not stop talking about the attempted kidnapping of the Princess Royal, and that six people, or so, were shot during the attempt.
2 Loyalty-Honor-Service: What is your understanding of “Loyalty” Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: Loyalty is a huge issue. You can talk about it forever. I can narrow down your question like this - How the notion of Loyalty helped me through the worst times? Here I can answer, that Krotkie’s love and loyalty for Henry was what kept me going the last four years. Even in the hottest days of our love affair, when I completely lost my head and was contemplating stealing Krotkie just for myself (the worst thing you can do in an Amalgamation Attempt), Krotkie himself never lost his head and he knew what he was doing and why. Henry was always on his mind. I learned to see Henry through Krotkie’s loyalty to Henry.”
3.
4. 1980
5.
6 Lady Anne: What is the main ego-statement now?
JKellspell: The ego is saying that to accept “humility” is to be defeated by God.
7. Lady Anne: Would you pick a color?
JKellspell: White
Lady Anne: Why?
Jkellspell: To idicate how blind I am right now. I can’t see the Main Things, and that is why I’m in so much pain. Color white is meaningless to me. There is shame in that. Color white gives birth to all other colors, and THAT is what I can’t come to terms with.
Lady Anne: Surely, I have not heard it worded this way before.
JKellspell: Prince Moretr wanted to make my mind ‘Galapagos Islands of Earth”. That is why he’s been holding me in seclusion.
Lady Anne: And here you are envying all of us. We ail boil in the same cauldron with everyone else. Who is special now?
JKellspell: I know I’m full of shit. Only Loyalty - Honor -Service concept will fix it. That is why Henry is so important to me. What is your next question?
8.
9.
10.
James Kellspell: Are we done? Lady Anne, with all due respect, I smell rat. Are you nursing an agenda?
Lady Anne, with her large eyes wide open: No, James. I have no agenda.
JKellspell: You seem to want to know something, and you’re looking for a way to get me cracked. What information are you looking for?
Lady Anne: Mind your own beeswax, Mr. Kellspell.
JKellspell, shrugging, unperturbed: OK.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 2 (19UKS):
;Lady Anne: James, please look at this 30 sec video of rainwater rolling off the windshield of your Land Cruiser. Is it soothing to you?”
JKellspell: It is.
Lady Anne: We will begin now. If you need a smoke break - just let me know.
JKellspell: I don’t need a smoke break. I’m fine.
Lady Anne, somewhat surprised: You said it. Let’s begin, then.
1. What is your best memory of 1975?
JKellspell: 1975 is fuzzy. I know I spent it at my grandparents’ apartment, because both of my parents worked,
2LHS: What is your understanding of “honour”, Mr, Kellspell:
3.
4. 1981
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement now?
“If you stop whining God will forget about you and your needs.”
JKellspell: One thing I don’t get - if I KNOW that I’m talking to a TAPE-RECORDER that I, MYSELF had set against Father (to hurt us both), then why the fuck am I listening to it and taking its advice? I KNOW that if I took its advice, it will only hurt me and Father. And still, somehow, I keep on listening and doing what it tells me to do… And it is twisting me into a sick motherfucker.
Lady Anne: This is what “weakness” is.
7.
8.
9.
10. Lady Anne: Would you pick a color?
JKellspell: Dark grey
Lady Anne: Why?
JKellspell: Feels safe.
MEMO
FROM: Lady Anne
TO: Lady Tigress, Aunt Vicky, Matushka.
RE: James Kellspell’s behaviour
Today I found a massive, at least 2 inches in diameter, sand-coloured, hairy spider crawling on my dresses in my closet. I yelled for James to catch it, but Mr. Kellspell’s response was, and I quote: “Don’t worry, he is not going to steal anything.”
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 3 (20):
1. What is your best memory of 1976?
JKellspell: That one is fuzzy. The full set of my memories kind of begin in 1979, when I met Darler.
2 LHS: What is your understanding of “Service”, Mr, Kellspell?”
3.
4. What is your main memory of 1982?
JKellspell, closes his eyes really tight: NOTHING was as hard in my life as the years of my ideals being established (“godi stanovlenia”). I felt like a piece of iron constantly burning in the flames of other people’s opinions. The flames were everywhere, but I never let them influence me. I developed resistance to anything anyone had to say about me. But for my uncle and Linda. Them, I let criticise me all day long. Everyone else around me was trash, but they? They were “The Chosen People”. They lived in America, therefore, were Holy and All-Knowing.
Lady Anne: How do you know what they were saying about you, if they lived in America?
JKellspell: By 1990, in the pile to be burned in the stove in Winds, I found many letters that Val wrote to Dobry over the years, as they lived in New York, and then, Washington D.C., still two very holy cities for me. In those letters Val would tell Dobry what they need to do to make the little girl healthier”.
Lady Anne:
They suggested my parents take me to the sea. My uncle also criticised my parents for letting me run around near naked in Crystal Valley. There was NO ONE there fr miles on end. I cared nothing for clothes. I wanted to be the wild child! But my uncle was appalled at how loose my parents were with my upbringing.
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement (ego-command) now?
JKellspell: Worry. It orders me to WORRY. Stupid shit device.
The ego is programmed to always look for something to worry (often 80% of it is health - it is easier for the dumb machine to get you to agree to that)
7 Lady Anne: Would you pick a color
JKellspell: Black
Lady Anne: Why?
JKellspell: Henry’s favourite color. He feels protected while wearing it.
Lady Anne: Why did you choose Lord Carton’s favourite color?
JKellspell: Whatever I do to get in the groove
Henry is watching my every move.
8.
9.
10.
James Kellspell: “My first memory of William? Everyone has asked me that question a thousand times already. But here it is: I answered his ad on the board, in the Grey Building, where Kyle is now, and where all of our sleeping bodies are stored. And when I walked into that warehouse, he was standing in front of some file cabinets, stark naked, with nothing but a watch on his left hand. I said - take off that watch. He said - it’s not expensive. He thought I was there to rob him, or something. I said - I don’t care how expensive it is. Take off that watch and I will fuck you. And then, his lips were sweeter than raspberries in my garden… This is how it started.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 4 (21):
Lady Anne: James, please look at this video of a shadow of a car going at 70 mph on the highway. Do you see how beautiful the autumn hills are in the light of this cold sunrise? Aren’t you mesmerised by this shadow, flying effortlessly over the rugged terrain, and the waving, brownish-yellow grass?
“U-huh. It’s the road to Cheyenne. And this is the shadow of… wait a minute…” Kellspell’s eyes widen. ‘This footage is taken on Andrew’s birthday. But last year we could not have been in this car, because we got hit on the eve of Andrew’s bday, and by today a year ago the car was totalled. H.M., then, spent all day of today, a year ago, calling and delight with the insurance company… How did you get this? It happened today, this morning. It was Henry, me, Krotkie, H.M., and William drove.”
I can’t believe Lady Anne is using these “calming” videos on James again, trying to get him totally distracted so she could push her agenda. And James is not getting it again. Or, rather, wants to believe.
I’m so tired of being locked up in this body. No, no, I can’t chew this bone now. I’mat work.
“Let’s not get distracted, James. Watch the shadow. Isn’t it hypnotising to see it just GLIDE through the sandy hills, and the drying grasses in the ravine?”
“Yeah”. James nods, but his thoughts are with Andrew now.
Lady Anne sees it, too, but she shoots Jim with the first question, without giving him time to get back.
Lady Anne:
1. What is your most vivid memory of 1977?
JKellspell, coming out slowly out of the deepest depths of his 1-99 Level consciousness: “The early spring earthquake in Moscow. I have recalled it in countless interviews already. Everyone who is anyone would have the footage of me babbling about the earthquake in Moscow. It is also my parents’ most favourite story about me.”
“Well, tell me more.” Lady Anne encourages.
“The day before my mother took me out for a walk. I wonder if it was a weekend. But we can check that. Right under the windows of our 9 storey house there was, and still is, a pedestrian path, made of asphalt.
I always hated being greeted by the strangers, so I kept my head down to prevent anyone from seeing my face. I was looking down on the pavement, watching the busy spring ants going about their business.
“Why didn’t you like to be greeted by strangers?”
2 What
3.
4. 1983
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement (ego-command) now?
JKellspell: Now it is ordering me to find something to be insulted about. “To find fault with God”. Usually it GIVES me the reason, and all I need to do is swallow it to get poisoned. This is when I need alcohol. It only hurts after I AGREE to become upset, jealous, envious, resentful…
Lady Anne: IT IS DOING IT TO KEEP YOU HAPPY!
JKellspell: True that. But these statements is EXACTLY what is keeping me UNHAPPY.
How do we break this hurtful circle?
7
8.
9.
10. Lady Anne: Would you pick a color
JKellspell:
Lady Anne: Why?
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 5 (22):
Lady Anne: Here we go, James, we’re exactly HALF WAY through the 10 day withdrawal. How are you feeling?
JKellspell: Actually, not bad.
Lady Anne: let’s talk about that.
1. What is your best memory of 1978?
The piano testing
2. How much pain are you in from alcohol withdrawal (1-10)?
JKellspell: It is really not “pain”, but the emotional longing for the warmth and hope alcohol gives. However, all that is just a chemical substitution for God’s Love. Once we break through the non-existent ego-wall, we can receive Love from God directly, without having to put on 2 pounds a week, because I go through two bottles of wine a day just to receive that feeling of warmth and hope for a better future.
3 Do you think Uri Kumlatov needs to quit trying to avenge for Monolyth?
JKellspell: Well, yes, that would save millions of lives, but revenge is sweeter that whiskey. HOW do I get him to quit? If you have any ideas, out with it, my Lady.
4 Tell me more about summer 1984?
James Kellspell, taking a few breaths, and taking his time; It was the aftermath of “Natalia O. Christian Sect” bust. I was still reeling from the consequences the teachers imposed on us, and I spent the entire summer reliving the nightmare. Natalia did not know that it was me, who betrayed the Christian sect. She said - “Tell me the truth, Maria, do you know who betrayed us?” And I said - ‘I do not know.” But hen, I realized, that I told Tori, and it was TORI who ratted us out to the teachers. They went after natal big time. They threatened to have her expelled from school.
Lady Anne: Do you have any copies of her paintings?
James Kellspell: I do not. But I will never forget them. She painted the saints like Leonardo. I will never stop seeking her and her amazing spirit, for as long as I live and beyond.
Lady Anne: I understand. Let’s move to the next question.
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement now?
JKellspell: The fucking device never gives up on “God conceals great joys and riches from you. You KNOW He has all that, and He has the power to lift you where you want to be, but He holds you back on purpose to torment you.”
Lady Anne Which part of this statement is incorrect?
JKellspell: That Father is holding it from me “to torment me”. That cannot be. And I know He will give me everything. But in time. And the time is not when the dumb tape recorder decides. It is when FATHER decides I’m ready for those spiritual and creative riches.
7 Lady Anne: Would you pick a color?
JKellspell:
Lady Anne: Why?
8.
9.
10.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 6(23):
1. What is your main memory of 1979?
“A fight broke out at the institution, and at the end of it I had two broken fingers on my right hand.”
“Tell me more.”
“I’d rather not go into it.”
“What was the fight about, Mr Kellspell? This questionnaire is not optional.”
James hesitates.
“I was hitting on the wrong boy. His partner had had enough, waited until the teacher was out, and went after me. I tried to back out, and that’s when he threw a table at me. The corner of the table pinned my hand to the wall, broke fingers. The teachers ran in, the ambulance was called, they called my mother, she was at work, and the next thing I remember - she is taking me to take the cast off. It’s mid-winter, very cold, and I hate myself for framing Len.”
;Lady Anne: Who is “Len”?
JKellspell: Len Dadonov was the boy who attacked me. They punished him for it, and I felt very guilty.
Lady Anne: Why did you feel guilty?”
JKellspell: Because I was hitting on his partner. I triggered Len, and Len got in trouble defending his turf.
Lady Anne: Did you draw any conclusions from what happened?
JKellspell: Yes. I vowed never to make that mistake again.
Lady Anne: Yet, you started hitting on a married man, and if that was not enough, you entered his apartment illegally with a purpose of sexually assaulting him.
JKellspell, lowering his eyes: That was almost 25 years later.
Lady Anne: That’s just 25 hours. Not even one day. So, the incident at the institution did not teach you anything.
;Kellspell: That’s why I did not want to talk about it.
2 What
3.
4. Tell me more about fall 1985?
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement (ego-command) now?
;JKellspell: “PANIC!” Geeez… I’m so ashamed of the programming I put into the ego-device. Most of the time they are just incoherent cries, like “Panic!” Or “GET MAD!”. Stupid shit. When is this going to end?
LadyAnne: Does it tell you what to panic about?;JKellspell: The STUPID kind of figured that I’m very smart, and I can find my own reasons. All it needs to do is REMIND me to take a “panic pill”. Because this is what I programmed it to do, while I’m in the drunk state, and not able to see the Face of my Father…
7 Lady Anne: Would you pick a color
JKellspell:
Lady Anne: Why?
8.
9.
10. How not to get burned by the poison of the ego?
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 7(24):
Lady Anne: Before we begin, how are you doing, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: Now I’m OK, but the morning on Level 1 was bloody.
Lady Anne: How so?
JKellspell: The ego whispered that “you never became a successful writer because God withholds all the good stuff for his favourites.”
Lady Anne: And what did you do? Did you believe it?
JKellspell: I hated that statement, because deep in my heart I KNOW it is not true, but it felt right, there, by the garage, in the morning sunlight, as I was unloading the rocks, gathered the day before at Citadel 21 Level1.
Lady Anne, frowning: And you agreed WITH THAT?
JKellspell: You know what, I know you’re holy and all, but fuck, my Lady, the last thing I need right now is judgement. Like, you never gave in to the ego, telling you, that you’ve been neglected by the Higher Power, because He has BETTER ones to play with!!
Lady Anne’s face does not change, and she waits for Jim to finish with a polite smile. Henry must have taught her how to deal with the angry James.
JKellspell: Anyway, AS SOON AS I AGREED, the machine eagerly moved on to the next step: IT IS GOD’s FAULT! But, since you can’t get to God, you CAN get to H.M. Let’s attack and hurt him for holding you back from your dreams!”
Kellspell falls silent.
Lady Anne: Did you remember our little exercise where we see H.M. as a little helpless bear cub, who needs your care and protection?
“I tried, but I was mad at him, and that image became discarded. So, I knew I was losing the battle with the dumb robot, and I had to report it to Prince Moretr. I told him that I was barely holding back from going after H.M. The ego MANAGED to set me against my SWETT LITTLE BEAR CUB, who needs as much care as Krotkie and William! AND, if I can’t handle H.M., how am I planning to handle WILLIAM, who is ten years his senior, has more health problems, and possibly, very cranky all the time, if only because of that?
Lady Anne: These are amazingly caring thoughts, James, but this is not what happened. You WISH you had these thoughts at the moment of ego-attack, but you did not.
JKellspell: True that, my Lady. So, I’m in the garage, unloading the rocks, cursing my life, wanting to die, because…. Oh, what the fuck. Anyway, H.M. comes in, he is in a good mood, but I’m half an inch away from tearing everything apart (weak, in need of a drink, i have been listening to the EGO RADIO, what a moron…) And I snapped at him for something that would have never bothered me if I was not poisoned already.
Lady Anne: Did he take the challenge and yell back at you?
JKellspell: Yeah. I mean, he is a real comfort when it comes to whining! Don’t come complaining to my mother, OR my partner. Both will yell at you, blame you and whip your ass for having such thoughts. All it does is drive me away from them… Not that Dobry cares. Anyway…
Lady Anne: Did you apologise for your bad mood?
JKellspell: First, you need to ADMIT that you’re in a “bad mood”. “Bad mood” is a mask for listening to the ego. The ego would not LET YOU admit that it is your fault. Because that leads to the end of conflict. The ego’s task is to START a conflict, and continue it through any means possible, while brainwashing the victim (you, me, everyone involved) that it is GOD’S FAULT. But I knew what I was up against, and I told him that I was in a bad mood, that’s why I snapped.
Lady Anne: Did he want to know why?
JKellspell: Yes, and I said that I would not tell him. He got upset, and asked again. Then I said - I never became a successful writer, and that is why I’m not in the mood today. This thought visits me every now and then, and prevents me from enjoying life. Of course, he consulted “his” ego right away, and came back with a whole bunch of arms that he threw at me mercilessly.
Lady Anne: What kind of “Barbs”?
;JKellspell: That it was. Not his fault that I did not become a writer, and that I had to ‘STUDY, and TAKE CLASSES” instead of “relying on teaching yourself how to be a writer”. For which I told him, that NONE of the successful writers I knew - personally, or through media, ever “studied how to become a writer”, and I considered myself to be better than them in may ways. “I’m talking about you, and not THEM!” He growled back. Another five minutes of that fiery exchange, and I knew I became a puppet of the ego, and now HIS ego was pulling HIS strings against me, m and soon TWO FINGERS of God will be tearing each other apart
JKellspell: This is where I JUST NEEDED TO Get DRUNK. I HATe misunderstanding, and I HATE being a puppet of the ego. I’m NOT dancing to the tune I myself recorded into a dumb robot. So, I was dying for a drink to drown my pain…
Lady Anne: Yet, you did not do it. Why, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: I have a very good imagination, and I imagined a disciplinary hearing, at the end of which I would be found guilty of disobeying my orders.
Lady Anne: You never cared about ANY disciplinary action against you in the past.
Jkellspell: True that. However, anytime IN THE PAST I was not held by my balls.
Lady Anne: By whom, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: By Lord Henry Carlton. I imagined him going off on me. I just did not want to go around with soap in my teeth for the next two months after he was done with me. Moreover, Jaguar would be disappointed in me. I have to keep up my end of the bargain if I want these blessed relationships to flourish in my life.
Lady Anne: Speaking of Jaguar… He called you recently. Would you please tell me more about your conversation with him?
JKellspell, with a smug smile: I’m afraid it is classified, based on Special Privacy Privileges Ordinance for Citadel21 Channel. I can only tell you how elated I was. But nothing more.
Lady Anne: I hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as “Special Privacy Privileges Ordinance”, Mr. Kellspell. I know this is what Jaguar told Mr. Smith, but such ordinance does not exist, so out with it. It’s an order.
JKellspell: OK. I must remind you that we are LIVE on at least three TV stations that I know. Do not forget the rebroadcast to Lar-Mur, including Conflagrance City and Ochawar Territories.
Lady Anne: Would you just answer my question, James? Besides, this conversation only lasted less than 15 seconds. What could he possibly have told you in 15 seconds that could not be streamed live?
JKellspell, in a hurried manner: Sure, you decide. I just pulled up the minutes and I will read from the screen. Let me know when you want me to stop.
; PRINTOUT:
“Jag21: Mr. Kellspell, do you know what it took of me to bring myself to have a faggot for a servant?
JKellspell, hesitantly: No, sir.
Jag21: The only thing that I hate more than a faggot for a servant is a FAT faggot. Don’t you dare gain another ounce!”
Lady Anne, with her eyes open wide: STOP HERE.
JKellspell: It’s the end of the tape, anyway. This is where he hung up on me. Actually, only 13 seconds, not 15.
Lady Anne is breathing hard, looking down, flustered, trying to catch her breath.
JKellspell: Leave it to the man to pack an enormous amount of offensive content into the smallest of packages.
Lady Anne, recovering quickly, always coming up on top: In the beginning of our conversation you said that you were “elated” to have received that call. Mr. Kellspell, how is your English nowadays? Do you know the meaning of the word “elated”? And if you do, how can you POSSIBLY feel ELATED after such a phonecall?;
JKellspell, quickly gaining the upper hand: All this is semantics, Lady Anne. How about respecting Special Privacy Privileges Ordinance for Citadel21 Channel?
Lady Anne, in a hurried manner: Confirmed.
JKellspell, eagerly: See? We can find a compromise.
1. What is your main memory of 1980?
JKellspell: The winter 1980-1981 was tough because John Lennon was killed. My father was distraught. He thought John Lennon to be the best thing after chopped liver.
Lady Anne: Did you?
JKellspell: Surely. William felt the same. Although we did not meet until next year, he later told me how shaken he was by the death of John Lennon.
Lady Anne: How did Darler feel about it?
JKellspell: Well, 6 months prior to that event, Darler went to Moscow, to get a medal for his peace effort, and in 1980 he was planning to go to Lebanon to make a movie, called “Tel-Zaatar”. He told me all about the concept, but the movie was never made. He would not see me for 6 months straight after that. The winter 1980-81 was when Darler just was not around. So, by the time we met again in summer, it was too late to ask how he felt about the events that took place six months ago.
Lady Anne: I see. What did you REALLY think about John Lennon’s death?
JKellspell: Oh, truth be told, I envied him big time. I was like - when do I get to be SHOT IN NEW YORK? Will I forever be a dumb 7 year old of wrong gender, forgotten in the snows of Russia? What a cool fate, to be shot in New York! Somebody knows your exist, and cares enough to show up on your path. Better than “living in Moscow just like another dumb blind muggle”, where no one knows, or cares, that you exist, therefore never asks for your opinion. I always wanted to go with a bang. Either a plane crash, or shooting. What do you think?
Lady Anne: I think you’re off your rocker, Mr. Kellspell.
JKellspell: No, William has a “rocker”. I just sit on the bed.
Lady Anne: One way, or another, let’s continue working.
2 What
3.
4. Tell me more about winter 1986?
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement (ego-command) now?
JKellspell: “Be Selfish”. The ego tells me to “draw the line around yourself, and only care about what is inside of that line.” The ego-device is especially trying to break me away from H.M. The ego-device FORGETS that H.M. is my sweet little bear, very precious to me.
7 Lady Anne: Would you pick a color?
JKellspell:
Lady Anne: Why?
8.
9.
10.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 8 (25):
Lady Anne: You have two more days left to fast, Mr. Kellspell. Are you planning a big relapse?
JKellspell: I wish I did not. But we’re facing the jump, so I need to be tranquillised, if only for that. And then, once in Malachite, there will be no blue ksill. A situation I saw coming two years prior. However, the point is, in this case we’re going to see William in Washington, D.C. God will never leave you. I always knew that.
Lady Anne: That’s lovely. What are your other concerns?
JKellspell: Surprisingly, not very much, but for various aches and pains in my body, and you never know which one is going to develop to be fatal. And it is not death per se, but a slow and a torturous road there that frightens me.
Lady Anne: Something is telling me it is not your road, Mr. Kellspell.
JKellspell: God is telling you. There is no “something”.
Lady Anne: You are very smart and spiritual, Mr. Kellspell. We can quote you all day.
JKellspell: You are mocking me. I know I deserve it with my awful behaviour. What this time?
Lady Anne: I’m still pouting over the spider.
JKellspell: Why? He left without taking any of your belongings. He did not steal anything, did he now? So, I was right.
Lady Anne, frowning: We will talk about this later! Let’s begin.
1. What is your best memory of 1981?
JKellspell: Darn that, right? THAT was the year I met my William.
LadyAnne: what time of year was it?
Jkellspell: Late fall.
2 What
3.
4. Tell me more about spring 1987?
JKellspell: It was a happy one, surprisingly. I finally came to terms with Darler’s death, and realized that I had to pick up his flag, and do what he told me to do. That was enough of a plan to lift myself out of deep depression I was in since his death.
LadyAnne: How was your relationship with William at the time?
JKellspell: Oh, gosh… Ups and downs. I wonder what William remembers. Because at times we were so close that I felt like he was my long-lost brother, and at other times I was revulsed by his selfishness. He only and ever thought about his own career. He literally did not care about the woes of the world.
Lady Anne: And Darler did.
JKellspell, after a pause: Yeah.
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement now?
7
8.
9.
10. Lady Anne: Would you pick a color.
JKellspell: I have never been closer to green and blue than today.
Lady Anne: Why?
JKellspell: I know that Henry loves me, so I have
Torment my Father with Comparing Tool, where the ego ALWAYS finds something other have and I don’t.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 9(26):
Lady Anne: You only have one day left of your forced withdrawal. How are you feeling, Mr. Kellspell?
JKellspell: Actually, I broke the fast yesterday for datarmira, took 3 units. And while I was at it, I wanted to remember that feeling drunk is THE SAME as being sober in terms of SEEING MY FATHER. And if I can see my Father, Who takes away all my pain, then why do I need to drink? It’s an expensive habit in terms of calories. I want to quit, I do.
Lady Anne: Well, that is very good of you. Let’s begin.
1. What is your main memory of 1982?
JKellspell: William flipped on Mary. (long pause, during which James starts a cigarette with a blank,
face, but I see by the colors on my bridgeplate how disturbed he is really.)
Lady Anne: What precipitated it?
jKellspell: NOTHING! That is the most disturbing thing. He never told me anything. He was preparing the divorce, I know that now, but then he told me nothing of his plans. And then he hit her with the papers, after 11 years together. That night, I remember, he was sitting on our bed in the warehouse, as I came in.”
Lady Anne: What time of day was it?
JKellspell: 11 pm or so. Most days I was coming late, because I had school, and after school during the day I had to do homework, and there were no drugs to get high during the day. So, I could only get to Level 2 after I’ve dropped my body on Level 1 via falling asleep. And most nights I had hard time falling asleep. The assholes of the medical field would not give me any sleeping pills because “children are not supposed to have insomnia”. So, I suffered all the way until 16 years of age, when I realized that every wolf is for himself, and started stealing those from my grandmother.
Lady Anne, smiling: That is both sad and funny, Mr. Kellspell. What happened that night?
JKellspell: So, William was sitting on the bed, with his face towards the wall, not to me, and as I walked in, I could only see his back. “I divorced Mary.” He said, into his hands, not to me.
“I’m sorry, WHAT?” I was shocked. “WHEN?”
“Today.’ He said.
And that was it. He would not tell me anything else.
;Lady Anne: Do you know why Professor Conroy divorced his wife?
JKellspell: He told me that he “did it for us”. But, first, I never asked him to do that, second, Mary was never in my way, and third, I respected her big time. What I really think is he did it for himself. Mary was intelligent, caring and very responsible. But you could call her controlling and overbearing. And William is the man who takes orders from no one. So, that was a damper that year. After that I KNEW IN MY HEART we were not going to make it. I’m still surprised that we lasted seven years. Because, honestly, William was an expert of tunnel vision. He saw nothing but the stuff he wanted for himself. And that was a wall that was between us. I could never get over that wall. I… I could never think this way. I came into this world to help others, and I assumed everyone else thought the same. But not William.
2 What
3.
4.Tell me more about summer 1988?
5 What is the main ego-statement now?
JKellspel: “ARGUE WITH EVERYONE ABOUT EVERYTHING”. But this one I can suppress pretty easily.
7
8.
9.
10.Lady Anne: Would you pick a color?
JKellspell: I want to pick green, but I’m not there yet.
Lady Anne: Why not?
JKellspell: I have a feeling that our trials are not over. William’s depressed emotional state is heavy on my mind.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
Day 10:
1. What is your best memory of 1983?
2. What
3.
4. Tell me more about fall 1989? Is it when you broke up with Dr. William Conroy?
James Kellspell: Yes. As much as I remember.
Lady Anne: Did you leave him for Kyle Merritt?
James Kellspell, indignantly: Fuck, no! Jesus, William will say anything to sound like a victim! I did not meet Kyle until TWO YEARS after I broke up with William.
5.
6. What is the main ego-statement now?
7 Lady Anne: Would you pick a color
JKellspell:
Lady Anne: Why?
8.
9.
10.
######################################################
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
######################################################
AFTERMATH: Back to the Carlton-Kellspell River
WHERE James is learning to control his emotions
James Kellspell to Lady Anne: “You started ALL THIS, apparently NOT to help me with my alcohol withdrawal, but to find out what I knew about Dr. Lauren?”
Henry, to me, this morning: Go to Kellspell’s Arkchil Record, and comb out EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that he had. Do it leaf by leaf, day by day, thoroughly. Then I will decide which might turn out to be the new “Gold Card Holder” situation.” Lord Carlton frowns. “The Conroy Saga will never happen to me again. I want to see ALL OF THEM, and I am going to contact ALL OF THEM and discuss the terms. This move will give me an advantage. At least this way I know who else is coming. If there is a sigil on a door, Wallace, don’t be a pussy - lift it, break it, erase this sigil - I don’t care what you do, but I need you to drag out every skeleton from his every closet.”
“Lord Carlton, but that is unethical.” I respond meekly.
It is unethical on more than one level. Sigils can’t be disrespected like that. A sigil is a lock on the door. He is asking me to break every lock on every door to get to what is inside of Jim’s Arkchil Channel.
Besides the question “how”, there is always “Why?”
Why do I open my mouth, knowing that I will lose to Henry, one way, or another? Because Sheba is going to say - why didn’t you stand up to Carlton, sigils aside, blah-blah, you darn well know that you both needed to ask for Jim’s permission before even entering his Arkchil Archive.”
“Unethical?” Henry raises his brows and puts on a predatory smile. “I’ll tell you what’s unethical. How you got this job was unethical. James did not want you, and I forced him to take you. And if you don’t like it, you can go back to Sydney to collect unemployment.”
Oh… That was a well-deserved slap. It hurt. Very much.
But what did I expect? That he WOULD NOT use this trump against me to suppress my resistance?
THAT is why I can’t stand up to Lord Carlton. Because I owe him my place in the “Emerald Filament Team”.
While Sheba was ASSIGNED by the producers to be Jim’s Arkchil Operator, I HAD TO CRY AND CLAW my way in.
No one would have given a damn about my cries, had it not been for Henry Carlton. And even after that, I’d be a moonlighting janitor here, not THE Arkchil Operator, if it was not for Richard Rockford’s fateful slip-up.
It’s like being a vice-president no one cares about, and suddenly BECOMING The President, only because The President was voted out of the game.
Well, worked for Teddy Roosevelt. I said that to myself when I SUDDENLY found myself to be Regent Kellspell’s Arkchil Operator, which means the Closest Friend and Confidant, after he ignored me for 17 years. Way to hold a grudge, James.
“Thank you, Henry.” I nod, burning inside. Not with anger, never. But with a deep sense of loss that I was just reminded of. We would have been so good together, if James wanted me.
“Be patient”, they’re telling me “he’ll come around”.
“I need the results by nightfall.”
With that, Lord Carlton disappears in his bedroom. Formerly known as “Royal Chambers”, until Lady Ti came over and thought that the young gentleman with no confirmed rights to the British throne, had gone too far. So, it’s just “Henry’s bedroom” from now on.
Ok, let’s shake off the pain and the shame Henry can so drown you in. There is no time for licking well-deserved wounds.
I only have four hours to sift through huge chunks of info.
By the evening I find three main groups - Lambert/Paul/Ironside, and Praed/Prince. I did not have to break the sigils to get into the file. James never tried to cover up these relationships, like he did with William Conroy. But there was a big sigil on Praed/Prince.
I send all that that to Henry, knowing that I’m giving him an illegal way to get the upper hand over his possible competitors.
;Knowing that it will be discovered.
Knowing that everyone will know it was Kellspell’s corrupt Arkchil Operator, who enabled Henry Carlton.
It’s late afternoon, and James is on the bed, hurting all over from his fall in Citadel21 on Svangibir’s bday. It’s been almost three weeks, but the cactus needles are still, possibly, in his back (left side), he got a tetanus shot, and, on top of all that, he bruised his tail bone. That pain only came about a week ago, when Jim realized that as a consequence of his fall, he could not sit anymore.
So now he either lays, or stands. The recovery period of such an injury in “lesser species”, one of the Arkabins said, might take three to six months. Which is nothing on THEIR scale of time of sentient beings.
James is on his bed, talking to Uri Kumlatov via LHS bridgeplate. He is actually using two bridge plates. The second one is a triangular “membrane”, hanging vertically, facing him, on his right side. But we can’t see it. Only James can see the second bridgeplate.
“I really need you, James.” Kumlatov’s voice booms in low tones, seemingly, in stereo, throughout the room. Or, rather, as if someone is talking into a large Greek amphora, and the voice is distant, and echoing. “I want to end the war, I do, but I’m not in charge. While I can’t get over the actual Monolyth massacre, my Mother can’t forgive Gina Yasmin for executing Saadat. He was my Mother’s lover, you know.”
“I understand that.” James says rather calmly. “But if you want me to help you, we have to arrange for a bargain.”
Only James Kellspell can have the balls to argue with a 50 million year old alien from another galaxy.
“What do you want?” Kumlatov asks in a despondent manner.
“If you want me, you will have to accept Lord Henry Carlton.” Jim’s voice is firm and his face is stern.
James is going to let everyone know exactly what his price is. His price is Henry. If he can have Henry, he will do anything for you. And if you want him, then you need to go through Henry first.
“The little shit sold out MY Strobulus! He deserves to be thrown back into the slammer.”
“Well, see, this kind of wordage is not going to sell, Commander. You want to achieve big things, but you stumble upon tiny obstacles. Fifty million years of age, and still you act like a dog that can’t pass up a pile of manure to roll in.” James rolls his eyes, and then glances towards the curtains of Henry’s bedroom.
Chances are, Henry is behind those, listening intently, ready to give Jim hell, if the negotiations do not go as planned.
“Regent Kellspell, listen…” Kumlatov tries to put in a word, but James is in no mood to talk anymore.
“Call me when you’re sober, will ya? See you tomorrow bright and early for the chemistry class.” James is just about to wave the connection away, when a transparent Uri Kumlavot appears in front of us, with the Spiral Staircase on the background.
Stepping up the connection to a visual shows his desperation.
Uri Kumlatov is large, his semi-transparent batlike wings are trembling, and he is bleeding rainbow. This is what Sheiredis do when they cry - they shed misty sheets of rainbow emotions, if at all possible to imagine.
“This is not going to work on me, Commander.” James shakes his head slowly. “Moscow does not believe tears, neither does London. Henry needs a positive answer, and his record expunged. And, by the way, he is not “little”. He is 6”2. That is a lot for our species.”
Having said that, James stops paying attention to the rainbow-bleeding Kumlatov, and focuses on his LHS Bridgeplate.
I watch in shock, unable to comprehend Jim’s newly-found powers. Since Henry’s been up, Jim became more confident. Granted, it is not the way to talk to your teacher, James will let everyone know that it is no longer “Regent James Kellspell”. It is “HenryJames Amalgamated” with a bag of dog food in the corner for Wolf “Krotkie” Hafnian, their indispensable part.
It’s Carlton-Kellspell River, like Sheba called it two years ago. Darn’ its been two years already.
But, James says - the hour is not passing fast enough. There is always more of a day than whiskey.
“No, my Lady, I care not about suffering today! Do you think I will forget the taste of it? Fall out of habit? All I need to do to remember the odor of suffering is turn around and sniff Wallace.”
James said that this morning. Is that what it is? I smell like suffering?
From and Interview to “Time Paradox & Seashell Effect”:
Lovely Estelian Journalist: “You’re telling us that we’re controlled by “the ego that leads us astray”, which is, by your words, a machine. But if it is a machine, then a machine cannot lie. How do you reconcile this, Mr. Kellspell?”
;Regent JKellspell: “Dear reporter of “Time Paradox and Seashell Effect”, sir, I usually like Estelians, but yourass is completely brainwashed. The ego-machine was PROGRAMMED to RELAY ITS PROGRAMMING to its victim, which is you. It is TRUE to its PROGRAMMING, but not to God’s Truth. It is distorting the God’s Truth, while THINKING that it is telling you the TRUTH. So, to itself, it is not lying. But it is lying in the eyes of God.”
This poor reporter winces every time James says the word ‘God”.
Estelian Journalist: “Would you measure your words carefully, Mr. Kellspell, as there is already a warrant for your arrest on MEOL of Magellanic Cloud 17, for religious propaganda. A highly reprehensible crime in Andromeda Federation.”
Regent JKellspell: “True that, sir.” James is not fazed at all. He is brave. I say, he is cavalier. “So much pain for you, right? So few answers. As an Estelian, your life span is 10 000 years. How old are you now? 96 or so? So very young. The statistics are, that you’re going to kill yourself within the next 4 years. Only 3% of Estelians reach the threshold of 100 years. Do you know why?”
Estelian Journalist: “This is not what we’re asking you about!” The Estelian is trying to switch the subject, but James is inexorable.
Regent JKellspell: “This is ALL you need to know. Here is the truth: Your korneus is useful to your owners, because it is guided by God. But your owners would never admit it, because that would mean that they’re DEPENDENT on God. What a slap to Leot, right?”
Estelian Journalist: “Regent Kellspell, this is inappropriate!”
Regent JKellspell: “You asked for an interview, and you will hear me out. You’re contemplating suicide as we speak, because, as you’re letting your owners exploit your God-given Tool for their own egoistic purposes, YOU MISS GOD in your darned godless society.”
Estelian Journalist: “Regent Kellspell!” The Estelian objects.
Regent JKellspell: “Your “Andromeda Federation” is nothing but a breakaway state, run by a back-country dictator. No. I’m not going to shut up. Mr. leot is an ignorant separatist, whose dealings are well-known, and yet, he resists to wake up to the face of God.”
The Estelian covers his face with his hands, and this is where Lady Ti appears from around the Spiral Staircase, and makes a motion under her chin with her palm. “Cut it out.” She whispers. “Mr. Smith! Cut it out!”
I do have an emergency switch on my bridgeplate. And I hit that.
The connection interrupts. James quickly tracks the cause to my bridgeplate, and looks at me incredulously.
;“Lady Tigress’ orders.” I respond, shaking inside. I wish I was not forced to confront James.
“Bitches!” Kellspell spits on his bridgeplate. “I haven’t said half of what I was planning to say!”
;The sounds of hurried footsteps. It is Lady Tigress, Matushka and Lady Anne.
“James, do you want us ALL killed upon the arrival to MEOL?” Lady Tigress asks furiously, her face looking like she just chewed an entire lemon and did not even have a gulp of water since.
Kellspell is swallowing hard, getting off his angry rant that happened to take place in the middle of the interview with the most influential Andromedan TV station that belongs to Leot.
“You really do want to be on the cross, huh, James?” Lady Anne whispers into the back of Jim’s neck with a smile, as Lady Ti is yelling at him. “Working so hard to give them every reason to erect it.”
“Henry, I’m almost out of forced withdrawal! The Arkabin doctors are working out my new drinking schedule, and I came to ask you to give me your opinion. I will not give them a “go”, unless it is OK with you!”
Henry’s been getting a haircut for an hour now. Kyle is giving him a haircut, but he is guided by Prince Moretr’s Arkabin.
;“I’m listening.” Carlton nods curtly.
“It is 3 drinks a day every other day.” James reports, standing almost at attention in front of his stern mate.
“Is there a way to reduce it to two drinks every other day?” Henry says to James, and then whispers something to Kyle Merritt.
Kyle addresses the Arkabin with the changes to the haircutting strategy. I see on my bridgeplate - Henry wants the sides a bit shorter.
“We have already reduced it from 6 every day to 3 every other day. I can step down only this much a month.”
“So be it.” Henry looks into the mirror, narrowing his eyes, and smells the air, as Kyle hands him the brush. “You stink! Don’t you dare showing up again in front of me, smelling like that.”
Jim’s face changes from surprised to obsequious, and he walks away backwards, bowing lowly. ‘A thousand apologies… As you wish, my Lord. I will take a shower right away. I will also shave, and be ready for you tonight.”
Henry frowns, and focuses his attention on his hair in the mirror, as his hand starts brushing it backwards, then changes direction.
“What do you think, Mr. Merritt? To the left, or backwards?”
“You look splendid ANY way, my Lord! Very seductive. Backwards makes you look taller, and to the left side reveals your lovely, courageous forehead!”
I could not have worded it better.
Carlton ruling Kellspell with the iron fist, while surrounded by his retinue. What else is new?
Oh, I know what’s new.
William Conroy in Jim’s bed is relatively new.
It’s only been two months since the unfortunate Professor Conroy arrived. A month and a half, actually. But Conroy spent the first two weeks with Jaguar and James at Jaguar’s place, earning his keep. It was Lady Ti who removed the sigil and brought the crying, hurting William under Kellspell’s caring protection. If it was not for her, poor William would be dead by now. More than once. His spiritual resources depleted, and unable to reach out for Father himself, he crashed at Jim’s feet, begging him for shelter and a hot meal.
To Henry Carlton’s dismay.
So, I dread to retell what happened a week ago. I did not know how to write about it since then. Something terrible had happened to William. And Henry Carlton had plenty to do with it.
And it’s not like William is a likeable character. He is not. He is egoistic enough to turn you off.
Henry is right, in the two months since William arrived, and was named “The First Spouse” by seniority, he’s done nothing but drink and grow old.
However, William BECOMES a likeable character if you look at him through JIM KELLSPELLS’s set of prisms.
When all this broke out, James was so beside himself that he came very close to confronting Henry. Which he had never done before.
But with a lifeless body of William Conroy in his arms, he had no choice but to get answers from the one who caused it.
I’m getting way ahead of myself.
A Sunday afternoon, and James went for his chemistry lesson with the disturbed 8 ft tall winged alien called Uri Kumlatov. Jim’s infatuation, and ache. Jim loves Uri. Possibly, more than any one of us. Not more than God, Henry and Krotkie, though.
But Uri clearly let James know that they will never be an item, and will never have such a relationship. Kumlatov quoted “a lot of pain on the Sheiredi side” to have a relationship with a “dumb proto-human.” Whatever that means. So, James had to settle for a strictly teacher-student relationship.
Having grabbed some dog food from the large bag in the corner to eat later with Krotkie, James, in a relatively good mood, started a cigarette and headed out to meet Kumlatov in the woods.
I was to come with them, but Mr. Rubinstein stopped me half way, on the path, and wanted an “update from Regent Kellspell’s Arkchil Operator” on the recent developments, for his local newspaper, “RUBINSTEIN COMPOUND NEWSREEL”. I told him that I was not Regent Kellspell’s PRESS secretary, and I was not at liberty to divulge any information.
“Of course!” Mr. Rubisntein nodded with understanding, patted me on the shoulder and handed me a bottle of Canadian Whiskey. “Then let’s just go to my place and get trashed!”
We did that, and during the party, drunk and crying, I told him everything he wanted to know. Especially how Jaguar locked me out of Citadel21 Channel. And that Lady Ti is edgy at times. And that James have not had sex with me in over a week, always fucking William. It’s ALL ABOUT WILLIAM now, isn’t it?
The last thing I remember as I was leaving with Mr. Rubisntein, was William, disheveled, and always looking down, sliding the door after us, and going to bed. His back and his left knee bothered him a lot, and the painkillers were making him sleepy.
In two and a half months William grew old to his Level 1 age - 71. As this was progressing, he could spend less and less time with James at the Lemhi Pass. It took Jim a while to notice William’s deteriorating state, mainly because William was hiding it from James.
Then Jim and William’s drinking was completely out of control, as Henry was too drugged to be able to get a hold of the situation.
While Mr. Rubinstein was getting me all liquered up and loose-tongued, I remember thinking of Henry, who’s been up a couple of days now. He was most certainly in his bedroom, or, as he told me to call it, “Chambers”, when we left.
And the next thing I remember (it was a few hours later of drunken stupor at Mr. Rubinstein’s) was the message that appeared on my bridgeplate.
WILLIAM CONROY. EMERGENCY. WILLIAM CONROY CODE RED.
I jumped up, and without saying a word to Leonard, ran back to Jim’s room through the long, empty hall of our Rubinstein Compound, swung the door open, and rushed to William.
James had received the same message, and he jumped on our lawn from the path, moved the sliding door open wide and went straight to William on the bed, literally a second before me.
“His heart stopped.” He said to me, having analysed the messages on his bridgeplate. “Are you drunk?”
He did not give me any time to respond. There was no time to waste by confronting his unfortunate Arkchil Record Operator, who felt so bitter that he got drunk while on duty and spilled all the beans to the RUBINSTEIN COMPOUND NEWSREEL.
This scandal was yet to come, but I had to focus on the situation with Professor Conroy.
Jim’s next move was to review the last Arkchil footage of the room. The way he works the bridgeplate and the right membrane, it took him less than a minute.
On that footage, glowing softly with dark purple, we saw Henry coming out of his bedroom, waking William up, and yelling at him.
Then Henry went back to his Chambers, and William was crying. In the process of that he went and rummaged in Jim’s drawers, found a bottle of pills, and took all of them. Then he went back to bed and did not move since.
“There is no sound to the footage…” Kellspell said, his face lost. “What did Henry say to William?”
“I can try and pull up mine…” I began, but my main mate was way too fast for me today. Mainly because I have been drinking with Leonard for over an hour.
“What dd you tell him?” James screamed into the curtains of Henry’s bedroom.
Henry appeared rather soon, his eyes narrowed, his face stern.
“William killed himself after you talked to him…” James lowered his voice, now begging for the truth. “What did you tell him?”
It was Henry’s turn to take a Dramatic Pause, and he took full advantage of it. He stared Jim down, then his eyes focused on Conroy’s face. He was silent long enough to drive Kellspell up the wall.
“What did you tell him?!” James got up and was now in Henry’s face.
“I told him that even as he is a sore loser, who wasted two months and did nothing with his position of the First Spouse, he can still be my Daddy.” With that, Henry mouthed “emergency”, and a big red button appeared to his left. He hit right through it, and his fist went into the wall with a bang.
That move was completely unnecessary, since Conroy’s heart stopped. In case of a death of any one of us the emergency protocol was immediate, and standard.
And so they came, the Arkabins, and they stabilised William and took him away.
This is Level 2. It does not matter what you do here. They WILL bring you back. Did Professor Conroy know that when he took all Jim’s sleeping pills at once?
“Vot barsuk” What dies it mean, James?
“What a badger.” Or “Look at that badger”. Why, Wallace?
“Lord Henry Carlton: I want him to be tied to me forever on the deepest of levels. As I see, its his most precious level - the level of sexual satisfaction. I need to make sure that James Kellspell loses his mind sexually, every time he sees me.”
I stop reading and stare James down.
‘Where did you find it?” Jms asks.
But you need to see HOW he is asking it. With one of his eyes on his chemistry homework, and the other on Henry’s Chambers (Henry makes me say “Chambers” instead of “bedroom”. The Special People get “Chambers”, and everyone else gets a bedroom).
“Under some sigil.” I respond elusively.
That quote from henry’s dossier just appeared on the screen in front of me, and I took it. But maybe I want to sound like I broke a seal to get to it. That will make me look like I have a strategy, and I employ tactics.
“What sigil? I do not see that you touched any sigils that you removed. Like, ever, Wallace. Your mind is too mushy for that. In order to break the lock, you first need to be angry enough to break the Law. And you’re not nearly angry enough. Despondent, depressed, regretful, yes. But not angry.”
Just exactly what I needed. A psychoanalytical session that finds me to be completely inept, while I’m trying to deliver the intel.
A slap in the face.
Well, I had it coming.
“But do you know who Lord Carlton said it TO, James?” I venture again. And why? I know how this ends. Why do I insist on walking on broken glass with my bare feet when it is so very clear where this path leads?
“No. And I don’t care. Why are you digging dirt on Henry, Wallace? Have you forgotten who got you this job? Whose side are you on, anyway?”
I get ready to say that just because Henry helped me get this job, does not mean that I can be a jellyfish about what is going on.
But James is not looking for my answer.
The curtains of Henry’s Chamber move, and ALL of Kellspell’s attention is on that.
But Henry does not come out.
Kyle Merritt comes out, dressed in a suit with a white shirt, white a towel over his left hand.
“I’m here to pick up your laundry, Mr. Kellspell. I will wash and fold it and you will have int back in two hours.”
“Oh, Mr. Merritt! That’s cool. How is your mother? How long have you been absent? Six? Seven months? Did you have fun in the Grey Building? And you just show up after al this time, and suddenly you’re back to your duties?”
That would have shocked me. I’d be just standing, stuttering and not knowing what to say. But Kyle does have a lot of inner strength to him.
“My mother is fine, thanks to you. However, last time I looked, Mr. Kellspell, I surrendered to Lord Carlton, and not to you. Therefore, i do not report to you. Neither am I answerable to you. Only to Lord Carlton.”
What do you think would happen if someone said that to YOU? Would not you get at least upset, if not pissed? Kyle may have surrendered to Lord Carlton, but James is the one who is paying for Kyle’s mother.
“See that?” Kellspell turn to me. “That was A+, Mr. Merritt. My highest commendations will go into your dossier. You may now take our laundry and be on your merry way.”
“Thank you, Regent Kellspell.” Kyle bows ever so slightly and proceeds into our bathroom to pick up our dirty laundry.
“Have you been hanging with Sheba, Wallace?” James gets back to his chemistry homework.
“Yes.” There is no need to take a Dramatic Pause. He already knows.
“See, she is bad influence on you. I can’t prevent her from fomenting the flames of discontent against Henry, but I CAN forbid you from seeing her. Another one of these “investigative moves” from you, and you will be confined to this bedroom, just like Richard. Go feed Krotkie. You can just take the food from the bag in the corner. And then check on William.”
That went well. I should have known.
I do all that. Krotkie is always charming, and calls for peace with all his being. He eats a full bowl, and laps beer. I remove the filter from the cigarette and place it in front of him. Krotkie sniffs it, and a large toothy smile appears on his hairy wolf face. Unable to smoke anymore, Jim’s beloved Teacher is still addicted to nicotine. So, he devours the cigarette while I cry, and check on William by squatting in front of him laying on the bed, pulling my bridgeplate and watching his vitals expressed in patterns of colors - the language I do not understand, but pretend that I do.
Professor Conroy is fast asleep under the influence of strong drugs. His knee and his back are killing him, and he can no longer sit, let alone walk.
James approaches me from behind, and his bridgeplate moves under his left hand like a ghostly triangular conglomerate of colors.
“I’m sorry.” He kisses my bald head and I want to cry for everything I lost to time.
If I only met him TWENTY YEARS AGO, when I was in my prime. I could have been his First…
“It was my fault. I do not know how to ‘delete” stuff from the bridgeplate, but I pushed that quote all the way to the bottom right corner. Stuff seems to disappear there.
“Yeah, it’s “the back burner”. James nods and touches a few small clouds on my bridgeplate. “Good job. I should never go off on you like that. You’re fragile, and I love you. You also are very soft, you fall under influences. You believe that you’re doing the right thing.”
I sigh. There is no use telling him that he is right. He knows it.
“You just don’t understand, that Henry and I were WITHIN MONTHS of establishing Henry’s COMPLETE SUPREMACY over “Emerald Filament” project, when fucking William fell on my head.”
“Fell, or was thrown?” I pretend to work my LHS Bridgeplate, while in fact, my eyes are full of tears and I can’t see anything.
“What? Who would do that? How? Everything was SEALED. My relationship with William was Sigiled via a large piece of quartz. It would take Kumlatov to lift it. Where you’re going with it?”
“Not Kumlatov. There are other powerful figures on this chess board.” I rsespond very quietly, watching the sleeping William. He has not been up in three days.
“Wallace, what are you smoking? Who is MORE POWERFUL than Uri?” James shakes his head in resentment. “Anyway… Will you let me say? I had to fulfil William’s fucking Gold Card! Just like that, a man landed on the bed between me and Henry!”
“I was there. Who sent that man, James? Who was strong, and HIGH-RANKING enough to lift the sigil?” I don’t know why I’m pushing another “conspiracy theory” on James. He will accuse me of “sounding like Sheba”, which I already did today, and he will forbid me to see her.
“And if THAT was the worst thing!! Luckily, Regent Kellspell is not listening to me. He is so used to talking to himself in that head of his that he carries on, regardless of whether anyone responds to him, or not. “The worst thing was that William stole intellectual property from his friend, Dr. Lauren. And during the Gold Threading Process that would unite us forever, a bunch of the skeletons washed out of his closet!”
“Who do you think knew it was coming, and caused it to prevent Henry from obtaining all the power on the set of “Emerald Filament Project”?” I come to him and massage his tight shoulders. He is so stressed throughout the day that he even sleeps with his shoulders tight.
I sleep right behind him. I know.
“I don’t know, fuck, Wallace! You sound like Sheba! I’m tired of your insane conspiracy theories! There is always some third weird force that wants to mess things up! You both are sick in the head. You and Sheba. Anyway, William’s darned skeletons asked asked for $200 000 000 and $600 000 000 accordingly. Mary and Dr. Lauren. While Mary, bless her heart, did not have any intention of jumping into our bed, Dr. Lauren, obviously, had every intention to jump on Strobulus, and the only sure way to do it seemed to be via our matrimonials.”
“Then what happened?” Having given up to get Jim’s attention to the obvious facts, I just play along. He is playing with a very long rope, and he is going to hang himself eventually.
“Right! Then I had to pay William’s debts and that made Dr. Lauren co-owner of my gig. Do you know what happened to Henry? Henry became so distraught he had to be sedated for two months… Fuck, you were there, Wallace! And now you want him to take kindly to William’s weakness?”
“No. I want you to look truth in the eyes. You’re being played from EVERY END, James!”
“U-huh.” Jim gives me the same half-bland, half-mocking face as earlier, when I accused Henry of plotting to enslave James “on the deepest of levels”.
“Have you ever thought that Lady Ti did this on purpose to restrain Henry’s power? Because now, due to what William (hence, you) owe to Dr. Lauren, you no longer can make unanimous decisions that were influenced BY HENRY. Now they’re controlling you via Lauren’s voice!”
“I also have a theory, Wallace.” Kellspell comes very close to me and whispers this into my left ear. “I already said this before. There is a bug in that Arkchil Operator chair, and it bit both Sheba and you. Now you both got an alien neurotoxin racing through your blood, and that gives you both delusions and hallucinations. You see shit that is not there, and that is how I explain your madness.”
“James, you’re being used.” I say, and again, I do not know why. I love Lady Ti, but she is just so harsh. James is infatuated with her, but I want him to see her from EVERY side. He is being played, and he is none the wiser, because Regent Kellspell is a well known rube with no proper social skills.
There is a reason I’m bringing up this seemingly random document. Countless Interviews are conducted with James every month. There is no way to place them all onto this channel.
But this one is remarkable.
EXCERPTS FROM THE INTERVIEW
about Richard Rockford, by Lady Anne
Lady Anne: When was the first time you noticed Mr. Rockford’s violent tendencies?
RegJKellspell: I’m not going to answer that.
Lady Anne: I’m going to impose disciplinary action if you do not answer my question, Regent Kellspell.
RegJKellspell: Fuck you.
Lady Anne, not losing a beat: OK, I’ll tell Lord Carlton that you were covering up for Mr. Rockford. Lord Carlton still has a sour taste in his mouth after the attempted coup by Mr. Rockford.
RegJKellspell: “The attempted coup”? Are you alright upstairs? You make it sound like I fell for some random man! Rockford came via a Silver Card. He had feelings for me, and he ensnared me with a spell 18 years ago. We both still wanted each other after 18 years apart, so he qualified, and he went in for the kill.”
Lady Anne: Whatever, Mr. Kellspell. Lord Carlton is in power now. Please answer my question.
RegJKellspell: I felt that Richard was very excited the couple of weeks before the alleged sexual assault on me. Again, I could contest this wordage all day long. I could have said it was consensual, but no one fucking asked me. They just led my Alpha away in handcuffs!
Lady Anne: Regent Kellspell, please do not change the subject. I have to show you something that will shock you, to prove my point.
RegJKellspell: Right. I can’t wait. Ok, here goes: a few weeks before the ALLEGED sexual assault Mr. Rockford shared with me his fantasies of raping his next door neighbour. Apparently that woman lived alone and he often watched her from the window of his bedroom that faced the side of her house with a window, and her backyard, and he imagined going there and having sex with her, in every position possible.
Lady Anne: Why haven’t you reported this to Prince Moretr?
RegJKellspell: Why am I being asked about this? Aren’t you done beating up on Richard? He’s already been reduced from the Alpha of the Project and my Arkchil Operator to a moonlighting janitor. Ever heard of DOUBLE JEOPARDY?
Lady Anne: This is not what we’re discussing right now. We all should report such deviant behaviour.
RegJKellspell: I don’t give a damn what you think I should do. In your country, snitches get stitches, but in MY COUNTRY they’re found with a knife in their back. Find something else to do! I MARRIED Rockford before you people charged him with rape. So, whatever you are going to give him, I will also get. I do not back down from my oaths. Simple marriage is not Golden Thread Ritual, but it is still INDESTRUCTIBLE and FOREVER. The man waited for 18 years for me to say “yes”. That counts for something in my book!
Lady Anne, unfazed, continuing as if Regent Kellspell said nothing: If someone shared with me fantasies of raping their next door neighbour, I would have reported it to my elders.
RegJKellspell: That’s because you’re from the country of snitches. America is the country of snitches, seriously. I hate cops. I’m from Russia. There - if you’re with THEM, then you’re not with US. And there IS NO compromise. You do not trust the government, and you DO NOT go to police.
Lady Anne: Your logic is lame, Mr. Kellspell. You did not report your mate’s violent tendencies, next thing you know he raped you. How do I word this? “A cautionary tale”? “You had it coming”?
RegJKellspell, breathing hard, starting a cigarette: This is not what happened. He did not rape me. You bitches decided so because he slipped me a roofie. But so what. We were already married by then. And what is YOUR fucking business, anyway?
Lady Anne: There are a lot of women here, and many are uncomfortable living next door to an accused rapist.
RegJKellspell, walking to the back yard, and spitting under his feet: I don’t give a shit. He is my lawful Alpha, and will always be.
He goes back into the bedroom, and stands in front of Lady Anne. “The funniest part about it is that “The Women’s Council” would not have said a word, had Richard raped me as a man. But he forced me into my female avatar. This is where they watched the Arkchil footage and lost it. So you tell me, how fair this witch hunt is.”
Lady Anne, barely holding herself back: “Witch hunt”?
RegJKellspell: We can go pretty far with labels. You called my union with Richard “The Rockford Coup”.
Lady Anne: Ok, how about I read you some documents, and you tell me. Because, we really did not need your revelations about your private conversations to put him on the watch list. We could just judge by what Mr. Rockford said rather PUBLICLY.
RegJKellspell: Surprise me.
Lady Anne: Here you go:
SHEPHERD’S APPRENTICE (Season 5):
By Wallace Smith
“And I told him
“Listen, Count,
I will give you big discount.”
“James, what is this? Do you remember us talking about respect? How is this respectful towards Mr. Rockford?”
“She is a poet at heart
I’ll just fuck her real hard!” Richard sang quietly, as if to himself. “Go ahead, Wallace, read your line.”
My line?! What “line”? I felt a crumpled piece of paper in my hand. How did it get there? I pulled the paper apart, and read aloud, somewhat shaken:
“What if she turns down your love?”
“Then I’ll wear her like a glove.” Rockford responded readily.
I stood there, aghast.
“Mr. Rockford, forgive me, but where is your propriety?!”
“Where was Carlton’s propriety, Wallace? And she loved the unhinged man!” Mr. Rockford pointed in Jim’s direction.”
RegJKellspell: So what! This is a well-known scene from “The Shepherd’s Apprentice”. What does it tell you? Nothing! What did he do wrong? Nothing! Don’t you have better things to do besides looking for problems where there is none?”
Lady Anne: "Then i'll wear her like a glove"? What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Kellspell?
;RegJKellspell: Who gives a shit! It was a poetic expression! Something HAD TO BE WRONG with Rockford! You were just looking for a pretext to remove him!
Lady Anne: WE had no reason to seek such a pretext. But maybe there was someone else, who needed him removed.
RegJKellspell: Who? Uri Kumlatov?
Lady Anne, making big eyes: No, James. What does Kumlatov care?
Reg JKellspell: He cared enough to remove Henry!
Lady Anne: Henry crossed him. Maybe by putting Henry into the mental institution, Kumlatov did the right thing.
Reg J Kellspell: Oh yeah? Ok, this is the second time Henry's been implicated this week. These whacky conspiracy theories seem to be going around like cold virus. Have you been hanging with ever-plotting Sheba and gullible Mr. Smith? I thought you to be above the yellow press. This interview is over, my Lady!”