The Shepherd s Apprentice Chapter 136

TRIALS OF JAMES KELLSPELL

THE SHEPHERD’S APPRENTICE
Under Carlton-Kellspell River Sigil


CHAPTER 136 (this file - from 119)


 “The Van Der Waal’s Effect”

To conquer your ego is to ask Jesus to help you carry your cross.
If you feel that you are dragging your cross alone - then you re still running with “your” dumb ego.
Therefore you have not suffered enough.
This indicates that you are still asleep.
Then there is a 100% chance that you will experience more pain soon enough.

Break the circle by surrendering to God.

James Kellspell, “To the Andromedans”




“Why? Why do I remember “Konstantin Mountblanc”?”
Regent Kellspell, digging through his Arkchil Records in search of something very important.



The underlying statement for Jim’s new bridgeplate:
“Accept the ruler given to you by God -
The ruler by blood”

Wallace Smith: And what am I supposed to do with this bit?
That’s why only those who will agree with THIS statement, are going with us to MEOL.









Jim’s OATH OF ALLEGIANCE



The prion, they are finding out, is called “The Van Der Waal’s Effect”.


“Come.” Jaguar commanded, and James approached him, dressed in sweat pants and a white shirt.

Literally, he could not have been more humiliated by being asked to show up looking like a shlepper, but that did not faze James (he was grateful he was not forced to wear a suit), and no one ever mentioned the way he looked during his OATH OF ALLEGIANCE.

“What do you want?” Jaguar asked James when the latter approached.

“I want nothing but to become a soldier for Our Lady to command me whenever she needs me, wherever she wants me to go.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Please make me impervious to any impact, so that I could be a perfect, indestructible soldier to Our Lady, but, also, so I could earn and achieve martyrdom.”





The prion, they are finding out, is called “The van der Wall’s Effect”.




6:53 am, and I’m manning the bridgeplate. Now, if a woman controls it, what do we call it? That would be kind of a chauvinistic James Kellspell joke. Mind my words, they’re coming for him. The women of this reality show are now wise to Kellspell’s antiques.

Yesterday, as the news of Jim’s plight spread among the general population of the Strobilus, the scandal broke out.

Due to the high calorie level of his anti-prion injections, exercise was offered. Running, in particular.

All it took for the fire to spread was the possibility of Jim running on the premises.

Two hours later I was handed the Petition signed by at least 15 women, who stated how uncomfortable they would be if a man accused of sexual assault is allowed to run around.

“I know.” Jim shrugged. “They see me as a sexual predator. And although I’m gay, and never assaulted any women, my street cred is still of concern.”

Just holding that Petition in my hands was worth ten pages of description of deep shame I had experienced. I don’t know what I would do if I had a “street cred” like this. I’d hang myself, for sure. I could not look anyone in the eye, if I had such a reputation.

Jim only glanced once at the Petition, his face a mask of torment, his eyes blood-shot from smoking a huge amount of blue ksill to suppress the pain of sixth injections in a row.

He was given a painkiller, but the painkiller negates the action of the medicine.

They are working on resolving the issue, Prince Moretr’s office said. We were caught unawares, they added.

Caught unawares?

Two years. The prion was introduced into Jim’s system by one of their own, a Yanari Arkabin, two years ago. Right under their noses.

But they only just now found out. That Arkabin turned out working for Kamil Hamal.


And now our life will never be the same.



Here he is, sleeping right by my side with Krotkie curled in a furry black and gray ball at his feet.

Henry is not allowed to see James since the news. We know that this prion was not designed to be contagious, but the decision to sequester Henry was made nevertheless.

I can hear Henry sobbing in his bedroom. An illusion panel in the form of a door was installed where there is normally nothing more than a curtain between Henry’s bedroom and ours.

I wanted to know what he had to say for himself, but he shook his head slowly and said that Prince Moretr was going to give him a treadmill. Problem solved. Women can rest easy, he added.

That was last night.

A message on my bridgeplate. Crawling slowly from the bottom, upwards, in a grey cloud with deep purple rivulets.

“Commander Kumlatov: Tell me more what happened between James Kellspell and Sheba of Salem right before Sheba was let go.”

Oh, thank you for using the English alphabet. James would be the only one who would be able to translate a sentence like that out of a cloud of colours.

Why is he asking me this, and why now?
Does it have something to do with the Prion Scandal? Or how shall we name what is happening?

“Arkchil Operator Wallace Smith: Plenty happened there, but I believe the main problem was when Sheba had asked James to change her name from “Samuel Of Salem” to “Sheba Reddington”, and James said no. He explained that the Arkchil Operator can’t change their name in the middle of work, as it breaks up the continuity and confuses the line of the Archives. James would do anything for Sheba, but in that situation I believe he simply did not feel that he had the authority, and opted to follow the Arkchil Record rules to be on the safe side.”

A few minutes of no messages on the screen, as I watch mine slowly float upwards, and disappear into the top corner of the triangular Grey Searock bridgeplate.

During this time Henry is heard crying on the background.

James gets up, slides the back door open, starts a cigarette, and then goes into some martial arts routine.

Krotkie jumps up, and goes to Henry’s door. He sniffs, whines quietly and sadly, until James calls him outside.

A message creeps from the bottom again. The grey is now much deeper, and purple turned burgundy color. Kumlatov must be in a disturbed mood to be producing colours like that.

And what reason does he have to be happy? There is a civil war in his homeland.

“Commander Kumlatov: “Why didn’t Kellspell ask for my, or Moretr’s advice?”

Arkchil Operator Wallace Smith: He would have, but Sheba beat him to it by collapsing on the set. Henry tried to use Salem-Kellspell Covenant to compel her to continue working, but the producers (Lady Lion) stepped in, and relieved Sheba of her Arkchil Operator duties upon her request. Two days later Richard Rockford was appointed as 2nd Arkchil Operator to Regent James Kellspell. And, as you know, he only lasted for two months before he, too, was dismissed. Then I was appointed. That’s THREE Arkchil Operators in one year. Talking about “breaking continuity”.





      
Wallace Smith on “Black Hexagon”. I must use this channel to stay safe. Jaguar is watching me all the time.


Jim’s “attacks” caused by the prion:

And then he enters what they described as “crash”, meaning that he is experiencing the “false reality”, caused by the prion in his system.

The van der Waal’s force will keep his wings in the water, if he believes the false reality.

If he breaks through to the Light, he will surface from the “crash” unscathed. Meaning, the dragon fly will escape the water.




“This is what I wrote, James. Dates will be censored out, so all I say is: “6 months after I started my job as Regent Jim Kellspell’s Arkchil Operator, Jim was shot with a “Van Der Waal’s Effect” prion that turned him into a crazy man.”

“Tons of rotten intel in this, Wallace. First, and foremost, I was shot with a prion two years ago, basically, shortly after Henry had arrived. The Arkabin that did it worked for Hamal. Prince Moretr missed it because Hamal was using a new sigil on his Arkabin. The worst part is that the Sheiredis are the only ones capable of developing new sigils that would protect your mind from being searched. But the most important part, Wallace, is that you must start with: 9AKS21, the Year of Jaguar’s Return. Before that we had “B.C.” - since /censored {kriagir yaseremshan dorilin tisaver}. That’s six years to the date. Everything after this date is “A.D.”. So, go like this.”






    Chapter 136 (5th page of Chapter 136)

                SUMMER of Jaguar
                MEMORANDUM
                With Melekh Shel Zahav

I will take care of all your problems, including those of your body, AT ALL TIMES.

You will take care of your Loyalty-Honor-Service bridgeplate.

Let’s unravel this knot once and for all.
It is MY JOB to provide for you while you’re delivering your performance.
It is your job to deliver your performance (LHS).

You programmed the dumb ego-machine to have your befuddled head believe that BOTH crosses are yours.

They are not.

Every time you get sick, hurt, unwell, in pain, the dumb ego is only too happy to announce that:

It is YOUR problem!
It is impossible to fix, and no-one will even try.
Even if it can be fixed, it will take tons of time to fix, during which you will be suffering greatly, instead of enjoying life.

ALL THAT IS A LIE.

If you get hurt\sick, it is MY PROBLEM, because I have created and own your hardware (ego never mentions that, you never programmed it to mention THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS)

Worry not if you get  hurt - I will fix everything for you.
Remember that YOU ARE IMMORTAL AND INDESTRUCTIBLE.

Make sure that the damage to the unit is not your fault.
Make sure you are not sabotaging the unit by your behaviour.

And I know that you know better than that.

Relax and leave the rest to Me.








                William Conroy

                Arrived to Strobulus NS1421


Henry gets it all!
Please don’t give me any less
For I need ALL your caress!”

William to James





“Patience is a virtue, James.
Time will come, and YOU will be the tastiest apple on the table.
Let Me handle it.”

Melekh Shel Zahav to James Kellspell, today.




11:00 am, Full moon, Tuesday. It is taking them forever to bring a treadmill for Jim’s exercise. Are they inventing it from scratch, or something? Meanwhile the injections deliver anywhere 300 to 600 calories a shot into Jim’s system. He has gained three pounds I the last week. A mental disaster for a former athlete and a martial artist.

He is not allowed to jog at large, so Lady Tigress took him to run in circles around her on the farther part of our lawn between the hedges. The other alternative was for her to take him to the woods ON A LEASH. This is what the women on the set decided. A proper shameful punishment for a sexual predator.

Jim was ambivalent abuot the choice, detached from the whole situation, suffering from muscle pain caused by the injections, and absorbed in Kumlatov’s chemistry homework. Also, involved with someone he was hiding from everyone. For three weeks.

“Good afternoon.” A tall blonde man walks into our bedroom, smiling.

“Wow! Hold on there, sir! Are you new here? What do you think you are doing? No one is allowed in Regent Kellspell’s Uret! Please come back to the guest area.”

The man continues to smile, but stops on the rails of the sliding door.

Oh, I will wipe the smile off his face now!

“Do you speak English? Did you understand what I said, sir? Regent Kellspell will be back from his PT any moment now, and he IS GOING to shoot you. He shot at people for less offences. So, please leave immediately, or I will hit the emergency.”

The man lowers his eyes, reaches out into his pocket, and for a second I expect him to pul a gun, too. Gosh, we have already been attacked here more than once.

“Please excuse me, Mr. Smith, but I have a right to be in Jim’s Uret.” With that, the stranger hands me the Golden Card.

 I take the card and stare at it in disbelief.

“William Conroy & James Kellspell”






James is in the throes of another psychotic episode, even as he got two anti-prion injections this morning, and will get another one in two hours.

“Please, help me, James!” William Conroy is on his knees in front of Jim’s bed. Jim is gloomy, his eyes are on the Grey Searock LHS bridgeplate at his left hand, but his mind is back at the building where he and Conroy met back in 1982 during the research in past-life regression via direct submersion experiments. Those experiments, conducted by Mr. Conroy, affected James so much that it set him on his own path of research of the same subject.

“I need to feed my Krotkie Teacher.” James mumbles in response.

Krotkie, having heard his name, lifts his head and sticks out his tongue, looking happily at his beloved James. DeVo is a bitch, but it has its moments. James and Hafnian Wolf (Krotkie) used to huddle and cry together for hours, days and weeks at a time. Then Krotkie crashed for 8 months and DeVoed into a wolf. And forgot all about crying. He became a happy creature with very few needs.

I should try this DeVo thing.

“I will feed Krotkie.” William gets up and digs in a bag of dog food in the corner.

Lady Tigress wanted to put the bag in the kitchen, but James objected, stating that he needs that bag where he can get to it easily, for a mood-lifting snack for our whole team :).

“Have you ALL received THE SAME FUCKING LINES?” James finally confronts the trembling young man. William Conroy was 30 when he invited James to witness his experiments. William is now 71, but by the virtue of being on Level 2, he appears to James the way he looked then.

Hey, I also look 20 years younger. Like the day James saw me first. The day Banazir Neimark showed him my photograph for approval, as Banazir was leaving James for me…

Conroy puts some food into the plastic bowl, and puts it on the floor.

Krotkie jumps down and eats greedily, giving William a big toothy smile.

William has been here three weeks, but he remained hidden in Jaguar’s Citadel21 illusion panel quarters.

And now they’re having a conversation that should have happened on day one, I guess.




“William, you have the balls of a brass monkey to come here. We started out together, and then you received every award in the book for your research, and my research was never even noticed. So, maybe fuck you, man. Maybe I do not want to see you.”

Conroy stares at his hands for a while, and I wonder what he can possibly answer to that. James has always been touchy about the fact that he was never acknowledged for this groundbreaking work. And here comes his former colleague from the same field, with a chest full of medals, figuratively speaking.

“True that, James. However, the aliens came to YOUR signal, and not mine. I went on my path, and I was known to only a very narrow circle of scientists. But you? You broadcasted your Letorn Borilis channel across the entire electromagnetic spectrum. Guess what? 30 years later - I’m penniless, for I have failed to prove anything. And you? You brought in an intergalactic team to rescue the humanity.”

Oh, that was breathtaking. And true. Conroy is shedding tears, raising his rather large hands, and messing up his short hair. As little hair as he’s got, still more than me.

“And if you mean it, James, then fuck me. Like in the good old times, between the regression sessions.” Distressed, Conroy sits on the floor and throws his head back against Jim’s bed.

Kellspell sits on the bed like a disheveled, disturbed cat.

“Then, if you mean it, Will, drop trou and bend the fuck over.”

Really? I was waiting for James to make love to me for a week. He has not been available. He was being used by Jaguar, while Henry is sequestered and crying day and night. And here is this gentleman, who just came from the street, for all know, and he wants to cut in line in front of ALL OF US?!

I open up my mouth to say something.

When James beats me to it.

“Don’t look so forlorn, Wallace! You’re next! Krotkie - third!”

And suddenly all my blues are gone, and I’m so happy. All three of us will get it today. At 47, James CAN come three times in a row.


It’s 2:09 pm, and what a great session we had. James can unite every omega under his guidance. I have never been so satisfied. And although I was second, it felt as good as if I was first. Krotkie was third in line, and he did not complain at all. He is happy to BE WITH JAMES. That’s the attitude.

I got up and got dressed to continue with my recording duties. Check a few messages from Lady Tigress. Boy, is she beating me up lately. But after watching her beating up on Jaguar, AND James, I have understood that ALL MEN are her scratching posts, and we better submit. Sweet aftermath of having sex wit James… Yeah…

Time flies. It does. It’s 2:30 already, and all I did was read one message from Lady Tigress. Tells me we have new curtains coming. They are prints of four seasons, and I’m to c change these curtains every week or so, to liven things up for James, who is locked up in his bedroom, has to take 6 most painful injections a day, suffers muscle pain, and is on a strict diet.

That’s cool. I can do this. The sun is hot. The last of the Summer Of Jaguar. James asked me to name this year the Year of Jaguar’s Coming. Boy, is he all about Jaguar now. His hero, his past life family, his most venerated employer, and his lover at 91 years of age. I’m only 60, and I feel like the whole world had collapsed on me. Jaguar fucks the living daylights out of James.

The sun ray is creeping across the floor towards my leg as I stand with my bridgeplate, watching James on top of William, caressing William’s feather-thin blonde hair.

Is that why Henry was locked up in his bedroom? Because the producers brought in Jim’s old flame, William Conroy? And here Henry was afraid of Gordon. Who cares about Gordon? Gordon never had Jim’s Golden Card.

William Conroy? He gets the best seat in the theater. William Conroy had worked with James Kellspell since 1980. They were done by 1989, where Conroy blamed James for their breakup.

Conroy started that Kellspell left him for Kyle Merritt.

Kyle Merritt, in his turn, stated that Kellspell just left him.

So much for being abandoned, James. Just about every single man on his file claims to be dismissed by James Kellspell. Not the other way round.

The ray of sun creeps onto my leg, and then past me, on the wall. Opposite to that wall, the Chambers of Henry Carlton. Sobs can be heard from behind there.

He was left in his bedroom alone while his “daddy” was having sex with three men at once.

“Marry me.” I hear, and I wonder what I have been smoking.

For no one could say that around James. There is simply no one who has a right to say that to James. He is ALREADY surrounded by the tightest circle of omegas possible.

NO ONE ELSE will  join our harem. There is not enough James for us. Let alone someone else.

“Marry me with the Golden Thread, James.” William Conroy is sitting on Jim’s bed, naked and unafraid.

I count to ten in my mind, but it does nothing to cool me off.

I want to confront Conroy, and I know I can’t. It’s insubordination at the very least. So, I confront James instead.

“You have two on the forks and three in the works, James! Please tell me Mr. Conroy is delirious to want to jump into the hottest bed in town, while I was in line for it for 20 years, snuckered out of my turn by Henry Carlton, and now this?”

“Mr. Conroy, do you realise that I WAS on that auction where James picked Lord Carlton, and NOT ME?”

“Mr. Smith, do you realise that I was also on the same auction, and James never even looked at me, because the show was rigged towards Henry Carlton?” Conroy lifts both his hands In despair, and I get a whiff of the man for the first time.

He will say anything to get his way. He may be an omega, but there is nothing humble about him.

He may be just like Henry, but twice Henry’s age and experience of getting what he wants in life.





“James, what do you have to say about this?!” We both turn to Kellspell.

And we discover a scene. And what a scene that is!

James has not been listening to our bickering at all. Neither is he interested in explaining himself.

“Be the messenger of love, my Krotkie. Let Henry know how much Daddy loves him. Bring back something of his so I could fall asleep with his fresh smell.” James takes his underwear, sticks it into Krotkie’s mouth, and off the Wolf goes. Through the sliding door, around the hedges, and, I know for sure, into Henry Carlton’s Chambers.

“James! We were just discussing how unfair it was that you picked Henry Carlton without ever looking at other participants. Now we ALL caught up to you. But instead of being apologetic, you are exchanging underwear with Henry Carlton when you were not allowed to communicate with him?”

Both me and Conroy are looking at Jim with disapproval, but we’re both omegas, freshly fucked by him. So, we’re not exactly the most frightening sight. Neither are we a threat to him.

We can’t pull it off. We’re too weak. Too dependent on him.

And we get what we deserve.

“You guys are sharks. You’re experienced, you know how to please a man. Henry is a minnow. He is a boy. He fell for me, he threw himself at me, without knowing what he was doing. I took him, for his ardor and sincerity. Something you, branded liars, lost long ago. Give him a break.”

“James, what he did was wrong..” I begin.

“Uolles, get back to your duties.” Jim cuts me off.

Right. I must remember where I belong. At his feet. Doing what he tells me to do. I am also not supposed to have an opinion. Sheba could not handle any of that.

“Will,” James turns to Conroy, and I hold my breath.

He better tell Conroy to go fuck himself.

“I agree.” James finishes and kisses Conroy in the lips.

Conroy throws his head back with a pained, but wide smile.

“I want our Covenant Signing to happen as soon as possible. I also want my title of “Regent James Kellspell’s FIRST OMEGA”. Wallace Smith is to be given the title “Second Omega”, and Henry Carlton/Krotkie is to be assigned the title of “Third Omega”.

“So be it.” James agrees immediately. “Do you have your Covenant ready for me?”

“Lady Tigress is giving it the last reading.” Conroy responds as the smile escapes his face, and he gives me an intense look.

I gasp, as a window opens, and I’m allowed a glance into William Conroy’s life. His work in psychiatry. The past life regression sessions, experiments with drugs that nearly cost him his life, the dreadful nightmares it brought, and pitter-patter of small feet in the hall. The ruby-red sunsets with yet another partner he believed was his “one-and-only”. Four children from different women, five broken Covenants, and a lifetime of depression, mood swings, and wanting to know what went wrong.

I may not have a rap sheet as long as his, but I’ve been hurt in my life, too.  But Conroy holds a Golden card, and I only hold a Silver one.

“Before you utter another demand, William, I need you to remember that I was compromised with a prion that affects me mentally. I’m on 6 injection of antidote a day that makes me gain weight like crazy and turn me inside out with muscle pain. I have to do two hours of PT a day before I even take a shit, because if I do not, you can start calling me “Eric Cartman.” And I should hate you for a lifetime of achievements, but I missed you terribly, and I’m too happy to see you and to own you like we used to. You were always a huge part of my life. A deeply hidden one, because I thought we were through. But I’m delighted to have you back. And I’m very hard for you, my sweet Will.”

Conroy responds even before I can take a breath.

“I don’t care about any of your issues. I have a truck full of them myself. And if you love me, then marry me with the Golden Thread, and we can become One.”

Marry him with THE GOLDEN THREAD?!



“When is your next injection?” Conroy asks, opening all the drawers in our bedroom, and going through them methodically, and maniacally, I’d say.

This reminds me of Henry Carlton’s behaviour, as described in “Beautiful Prisoner” by Samuel Of Salem (Sheba Reddington).

“Tomorrow at 8 am.” James slides off the bed, goes around the kneeling William, and opens the sliding door for Krotkie to come back with something in his mouth.

“A telegram from Henry!” And James proceeds to take the black wad from Krotkie’s smiling mouth.

James spreads it and starts sniffing it with deep passion. We hear “ahh” and “ohh” as Henry’s underwear is basically inhaled by James.
He, then, commands Krotkie on the bed and smiles at me.

What do I do? I look at the time and ask when we can break for dinner.

“If you Golden Thread me TODAY, we can be One tomorrow, and you will only need to experience 50% of pain when you get injected.” Conroy raises his voice like someone calling 911 while they’re being strangled.

He is offering help, but he sounds the one who needs help.

“After all, James, you left me for Kyle Merritt. Do you know what it did to me? It derailed my research, and it fucked up my head!”

William’s light-blue eyes are accusing, and then they’re begging, while he gets behind James and massages his shoulders, while he presses his groin against Jim’s hips over and over again.

Man, we JUST had sex.

“Oh, what a nice bucket of garbage, my friend. I recognise the old Dr. William Conroy. Hold on.” Jim’s right hand turns into a fist, he calls up his SeaStone LHS bridgeplate, and stares into the swirling clouds. “Uri Kumlatov wants me to turn in my chemistry homework one hour earlier. I better get to it.”

How gives a damn about dinner when passions are heating up. James is not going to give up easily. And he DOES have other responsibilities. Just to remind us, his harem, that he also is in school and has a full-time job.

“You are not going to sweep me under the rug like that, James!” Conroy goes for the throat as Jim makes the last desperate attempt to reach out for his chemistry class on his bridgeplate.

“In the last three weeks we may not have had very much time to discuss things.” Kellspell dissipates his bridgeplate and gets behind Conroy. “But Lady Tigress has acquired the ‘Emerald Filament Team” from Lady Lion this past winter. I was GIFTED to her husband, Mr. Jaguar, and now I work for him. He is subordinate to Lady Tigress. Besides, in order to conduct the ‘Golden Thread” Ritual, your employer’s presence is not enough. You need Melekh Shel Zahav. He is the only one who can conduct it.”

“I’ll have you know that I was GIFTED to Aunt Vickie, so, my Lady tops your Lady, and Aunt Vicky can ask Melekh to conduct the ritual.” Conroy is not letting up. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

Before him, the “Golden Thread” Ritual was conducted only once, between James and Krotkie. It is rumoured that most of us would not be able to take it. The pain of the ritual is too great.

James described it as “The arrow penetrates your entire chest and it hurts like you were left by a thousand lovers, as the large rope made of shimmering gold is stretched between you and your partner, tied to the ends of the arrows. In an instant, or, maybe, in Eternity, it is over, and you and your partner are now officially ONE. Nothing can break apart the two particles, engaged by the “Golden Thread Ritual”. No matter what you are, or who you are - they are yours forever, and you belong to them for ages to come.”

“The pain like a thousand lovers left you.” I could not even take if ONE left me. I only had ONE in my entire life. James being the second one.




“Yes, William, see, that is why. I left because I could no longer stand you. You were confrontational, argumentative, and very hard headed. And you were stubbornly going the wrong way.” James is being heard in the backyard. “And when you start arguing with me again like this, I can’t handle it!”

James staggers back in, still with a cigarette between his trembling fingers. 8:38 am, and two hours ago he had the first injection of the day. His torn and dirty t-shirt can’t hide the restraint marks on his biceps.

The Arkabin doctors need him immobilised during the injection and for a while afterwards. The pain is so, James describes, that he wants to jump out of his skin. It’s like cramps in your legs, but ten times worse, in your whole body, he says.

Usually I stand there with a bottle of liquid painkiller he can take anytime as he thrashes against the restraints.

But the painkiller will negate the action of the medicine. Today, he took almost 20 minutes of pure torment before his crying eyes met mine and I poured the milky-white liquid down his throat to stop the pain.

And right after the Arkabins unbuckled the belts that held him against the bed, on a cue, William Conroy showed up with a face like James owed him a lot of money.

I helped Jim off the bed and he hobbled out after Conroy as soon as he could get his feet to work, grabbing a pack of Marlboros with a shaking, sweaty hand.

“I’d rather eat a dead cat’s tail than work with you again, Will!!!”

Apparently, they have not seen each other in 30 years and they have a lot of ground to cover.

“Why is he like that? Did he ever love you?” I ask Jim in a befuddled manner.

Kellspell and Conroy have been screaming at each other all morning, going through a large bucket of mutual accusations, two packs of cigarettes, and a whole bottle of Canadian Whiskey between them, clearly indicating a long, painful history.

And I can’t find any record of them ever working together.

“We were intimate for seven years! Will left his wife for me!!!” James snaps and goes straight for the door of Henry’s Chamber. “Why am I not allowed to see Henry?!”

“Why did Conroy break up with you, then?” I ask, slowly processing and absorbing Jim’s anger. “The Henry Issue” will have to wait.

“Oh, but then I did not break up with him!” William comes in, also with a cigarette. His hands shake just as much as Jim’s, and he was not given any painful injection. “James left me for Kyle Merritt! Just another pretty face! That’s what I was for you! Another pretty face, Jim!”

“You lived and worked together for seven years?! Why didn’t Sheba see it when she was looking to tramp Henry’s contract? Why can’t I find any record of this?” Dumbfounded, I need explanations.

Today is cloudy, meaning that they sent some water vapour to float over the lamp which represents the sun here. But it all looks quite realistic. I never lived in a fish tank before :).

“First, there was no Covenant to enforce, so Sheba would not have benefitted even if she found the record. But then, the record is sealed, Wallace. You know why? Because Mr. Conroy took about 30% of my research data and used it for his work. He, then, claimed it as his, received awards for it, and asked me never to mention that we ever worked together.” Jim’s voice from the bathroom is his regular low and hoarse, but now also angry.

“Way to spin lies, James!” Conroy responds quickly, his voice rises as he gets more and more emotionally shaken. “Whatever drugs you are on, they wiped out your memory completely! Your miserable state is remarkable, but not quite Jason Bourne! You GAVE me your research data! And then I wrote you asking you to help me work through it, and you never answered any of my letters. You just shut the door on me. You left me for another man, and you THREW ME AWAY!” With that Conroy gulps down from the bottle of liquid amber and stares fiercely at the door, behind which James is taking a leak.

Normally, Jim GOES OUTSIDE to pee in the back yard, the cat way. The fact that he WENT INSIDE indicates that he was just looking to get away from his visitor.

Lady Tigress gave me a lot of work to do in terms of sifting through Jim’s Arkchil Record, for certain scenes. This is what I’m SUPPOSED to focus on INSTEAD of witnessing a fight between two ex-lovers over stuff that happened 30 years ago.

Jim has tons to do in terms of chemistry homework, given to him by Uri Kumlatov. He is required to turn in this work by the end of the day. Instead, he’s been drinking, smoking and fighting with William Conroy.

Plus, Jim has to be in Jaguar’s office in half an hour. This is what his schedule says.

We really do not have time for a two-hour argument, but here we are.

“Talking about being on drugs, William! Every time you’d get in a fight with Mary, you’d come to our warehouse, and the first thing you do - is get into the drawers with drugs, and you’d take Vicodin, and you wash it down with Jack Daniels. Your drug use had ALWAYS been out of control!” Jim gets out of the bathroom and he is in William’s face.

They stand like this, face to face, both angry, but William’s eyes are now down, and his cigarette is almost out. Pushed against the wall by James, he is trapped.

It’s been three weeks of this, I see.

William Conroy arrived in the middle of NS21 {date censored}, and he went straight into Mr. Jaguar’s Citadel21 restricted access quarters. I am not allowed there, and I can’t even watch Jim’s channel afterwards.

“You know what, James, I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to leave now, and I’m going to let you think what you did to me, to our relationship, and to our research. You’ve always been a bully. I suffered greatly from you and your violent outbursts. Let me know when you’re ready to admit your mistakes.”

With that, Conroy breaks through Kellspell’s siege, and leaves through the back door.

“FUCK!” James throws himself on our bed after slamming the sliding door behind Conroy. “Can you believe this bastard?!”

He falls so hard that Krotkie is momentarily lifted off the bed and then the Wolf lands back on his blanket, his face smiling, always happy to smell and please James.

Jim can’t resist, and he scratches his teacher behind his ear. “Sleep now, my love. We will break Henry out, as soon as I’m done dealing with fucking William. It will be just like the good old times - you, me and Henry! OK?”

Krotkie, so very skilled at loyalty, immediately does what he was told to do - he lays down and soon falls asleep. He is a sterling example of we all should do - listen and follow.

“I’m beginning to like being left in the dark. It’s sexy.” I venture, darn well knowing that James might not be in the mood to tell me anything. And if he tells me to shut up and work on Lady iT’s assignment, I will have to bite the bullet and do what he told me, as he is by Beta. And I’m his omega.

The difference between the Army and the unruly mob is LOYALTY AND OBEDIENCE TO YOUR LEADER.

“But I have figured some things out.” I’m continuing, as James did not make a motion for me to stop. “William is here to surrender. He has suffered just about enough and he is ready to come back into the Light.” Yeah, this sounds cool. It sounds like I know what is going on, even as everyone has been trying to starve me out of the news for almost a month.

I feel for Sheba. They did it to her, too. The job of an Arkchil Operator is much like a journalist during the military action. They want you to chronicle everything, yet they shoot at you, they give you no breaks and they tell you that you do not have enough security clearance to get answers to your questions.

Jim lays on the bed with his eyes closed. On this very bed he makes love to me. To this very bed they tie him when they give him injections. And on this very bed he also slept and had sex with Henry, Krotkie, Richard, Sheba…

“Can you give me the bottle of Canadian Whiskey? It is hidden in your underwear drawer to the left.”

Oh, now he is hiding stuff in MY belongings.
;“Sure.” The best way to butter Jim up is to supply him with his drugs. He may get mellow and spill the beans.

Ten minutes pass, as I float in my thoughts, watching Jim slowly get trashed. The bliss is interrupted by moans and sobs from Henry’s bedroom. Henry did nothing but cry and bang on the door from the inside ever since he was not allowed to see James anymore.

Since Prince Moretr found out that Jim was shot with a prion. Two weeks ago, yeah.

They say they’re keeping Henry separated to protect him from the contaminant in Jim’s body. But I say it is baloney, because Jim has been affected by it for two years now. It’s like getting AIDS, barebacking your partner for TWO YEARS, and then only start wearing condom when you FOUND OUT that you had AIDS.

I do not claim to be the most logical man, or the smartest one, but even Krotkie with an IQ of 41 can see that it is too late to quarantine someone who’s been exposed to a possible contaminant for TWO YEARS already.

Also, why are they keeping HENRY separate from James? What about the REST OF US? If Jim is contagious, we’re ALL being exposed!

So, please tell me another lie that does not insult the remnants of my intelligence.

“If Conroy came her to surrender to you, why is he so aggressive?”

“But then, Wallace, William did not come to surrender to ME. He came to surrender to Aunt Vicky.” Ji says slowly, his eyes  now tightly closed. He is all ears for Henry’s quiet crying.

I’m about to suggest he sends Krotkie to Henry with another “letter of love cat style” - a pair of Jim’s used underwear, when a message appears on my bridgeplate, and, judging by a hoarse scream, on Jim’s bridgeplate, too.

Citadel21: “Regent Kellspell, to my office.”

“Crap! I forgot! I’m already 2 minutes late!!! He will tan my hide!” Kellspell hides the whiskey under the bed, jumps up, and runs through the back door.

Some secretary I am. I remembered that he had to go to Jaguar’s office, but then I watched Jim and William’s domestic, and that flushed me out.






“But if you ever took any one of them by force, out with it, William.”

“Why do you ask?”
;Conroy looks defensive, and I sense his uneasiness.

“Because I already had one man yanked from under me, and as much as I screamed, yelled and begged, Prince Moretr took the side of the accusing women, and my man was removed from the set. No one knows what it took me to make a deal AT THAT STAGE. So, if you were ever involved in anything like that, out with it now. Then we may be able to work out a reasonable deal. But if the bitches dig, and they find out that you raped some woman, and you’re voted off the team, it will devastate our research all over again.”

“But why do you ask now?” Conroy did not budge, and did not give into Jim’s urgency.

“See how he is?” Kellspell turns to me. “ALWAYS argumentative. He’d NEVER let you have your way. Or answer a motherfucking question!”

“James, maybe we need to explain.” I try to soften up the curve.

“Oh, be my guest!” James waves me off. “You want to fight with him? Knock yourself out, no pun intended!”

An opening, a break is all I need.

“Mr. Conroy, if I may. The reason James is asking you now, is because the women of the Emerald Filament Team had obtained a search warrant for your memories. It took them 3 weeks, but they’ve got it. The Arkchil Record will be opened for them, and within the next week they’re going to let us know if they approve of the new member, or if there is anything in your background that might prevent you from joining us.”

Conroy goes pale. The effect of my words on him seems to be many times worse than I could ever imagine.

Now, James goes RED with seething anger. Over the fact that “the chicks rule the roost”, and, also, I think, the very presence of William Conroy makes him mad.

I have never seen him this fuming, this deeply, for this long. Talking about hurtful memories. Whatever happened between them in that warehouse where they conducted their past life regression experiments.

It seems like 6”0 Conroy, whose muscular frame can easily fill XXL size, has just been reduced to a small pile of smouldering ashes.

Kellspell notices that, too.

“Now or never, William.” James presses.

“No.” Conroy finally says through his teeth.
;“No, you never took any of them by force?”

“Correct.” Conroy throws his head back, the arm muscles under his shirt tense, bulging. He is obviously struggling with this whole thing.

“And if you are lying to me, like you always do, and the bitches come back with your dirty laundry, I will become unhinged, William. In fact, I will be so perturbed, that you…”

“First and foremost, James, you were the liar in our relationship. You lied to me all the time, about everything. You lied to me the night Darler killed himself, you lied to me three years later about Merritt, and now throw in your signature “threatening mode”, and here is the good old Freak Kellspell that I recognize!”

“You know what, William…” Jim’s fists curl tight, and the unkind fire in his eyes make me very uncomfortable.

“Gentlemen!” I know I must break them up before they get into a fight, and security will be called, and Jaguar will impose discipline, and then, on top of that, the women will have an extra reason to toss Conroy out and add a few more years to Jim’s house arrest.







“So, William, I have good news and I have bad news.”

“Give me the bad news first.”

“Both women that have accused you of rape are on Strobulus. I do not know them, I did not invite them, but they were sponsored by Women’s Council of Andromeda. Does the name “little Jenny” ring a bell?”

“She was not “little” and she was a loudmouth!” Conroy walks there and back in our bedroom, smoking one cigarette after another.

“Oh, that’s brilliant, William!” James smiles widely at brooding Conroy. “Say that when you go on the stand in your defense. Let me word it better for you: Jenny was a loudmouth, and that is why I beat her. Then I raped her to show her where she belongs!” I guarantee you, the 12-member ALL FEMALE jury WILL LOVE IT!”

Conroy’s eyes fill with anger, which dissipates quickly, and desperation fills him like a sinking car gets slowly filled with water.

“Here is the advice, William: you stay in this bedroom, you do not give any interviews, and you make sure that no one sees you, even through the sliding door window. Your chronic inability to take responsibility for your actions is beginning to hurt us big time.”

“What would you have me do?!” Conroy’s deep blue eyes are solemn, as if he is looking for a way to be a victim in this situation, and finds none, but still refuses to sink.

“You were supposed to confess TO ME when I asked you! Now THEY know everything. And NOW it is going to be THAT MUCH HARDER FOR ME TO MAKE A DEAL to reduce your prison sentence!”



This scene would be the good one to start with, it was very passionate. Remember, Henry Carlton is in his bedroom, only separated by a door. Deeply attached to James, Henry was not allowed to see him for three weeks now. The times when he is not taken by the Arkabins for a jog, or is not giving an interview, he cries and sobs on his bed.

It was 6:34 in the morning, and I was busy controlling three channels at once on my bridgeplate, and answer Lady Ti’s messages, when the Arkabins came in to give James his first injection of the day (they start at different times not to form a fear of anticipation of pain in his mind).

The injection did not go well. James thrashed against his restraints more than normal, and then he bled out of his mouth. I begged the Arkabins to tell me why, but I was stonewalled. Ten minutes into Jim’s incessant screams, I poured the white liquid painkiller into his mouth without being asked. I simply could not take it anymore.

He angrily spat it out. “Not… yet… Uolles… Not yet…” He said between screaming. He is really into it - this medicine. James believes what Prince Moretr’s office is telling him - these injections, although very painful, will reduce your aggressiveness and your psychosis, and he wants to stay stable for his family.

The psychosis you have been experiencing in the last two years, they’re telling Jim, was because of the prion. Shooting at people’s pictures, fighting, angry rants, violet outbursts - it all because of the prion. The medicine will help you with all this.

We, his omegas, and his little H.M. are extremely important to James. He wants to get better mentally and physically to provide us with the best experience.

Question is, DO I believe Prince Moretr? Unfortunately, I have been shut out and lied to SO MANY TIMES already, that I no longer know what to believe. I used to blame Sheba for not trusting anyone. Now I SEEK HER ADVICE on how to handle the reality in which you can’t trust anyone.

And after it was all over, after Jim accepted the painkiller from the bottle I held, he grabbed his cigarettes and crawled out on the lawn.

Then I saw his face and I ran out after him. I thought he choked on the cigarette smoke, or the muscle cramps, the side effect of the medicine, twisted his face.

But it was something else. You know how people put a little sign on their lawn, like “VOTE SO AND SO”. Well, there was a sign about that size on your lawn, that said:

 “IHRS - INTERNATIONAL HONORARY RAPIST SOCIETY”.

James was sitting on the grass in front of it, shaking his head slowly. This is when Christopher came out, too. His eyes went wide with horror.

The sound of broken glass pierced my already tormented brain, and a bottle of “Red Label” flew and broke inches away from Jim’s head.

“See!” The voice from the second floor apartment was glorious. “This is all your HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA! Why don’t you open a local chapter of NAMBLA, while you’re at it? Need some boys?”

“ROCKFORD AND CONROY ARE STRAIGHT, Isaak!” James screamed back, and stared at the broken whiskey bottle in disbelief. “Fuck! You need to be on Ritalin, Prozac and join AA! To everyone British and Australian - “NAMBLA” is a reference from a “South Park” episode.”

There was no answer from above (no pun intended, I swear!), as Christopher and I were still staring at the sign, large red letters on white, but dirty and crumpled paper. As if someone first stomped on it just to show their disdain.

“NAMBLA?” James got up and started another cigarette with shaking hands. “Isaak, quit accusing me of being a pedophile! Gay people are NOT ALL PEDOPHILES, you fucker! The only boy here is Henry, but simply by virtue of his immature behaviour!”

Again, Milgram did not respond.

“I turned away from broken glass
That shined so brightly on the grass…” Jim engaged his poem weaving app and walked away slowly back into the bedroom, with a lit cigarette. “Don’t let Professor Conroy see this. He will go ballistic.”

Yeah, really, why does Mr. Milgram always throw the bottle THROUGH the window of his apartment? For extra dramatic effect? Can’t he just OPEN THE WINDOW?

Or, maybe, he wants to humiliate Richard Rockford, who is nowadays only allowed to come out at night, to perform janitorial duties on the premises.

I followed Kellspell back inside.

“What happened to the presumption of innocence?” James said, while barely hobbling around with crippling muscle pain, and wiping his bleeding mouth.

On the second floor, in her corner apartment, Matushka stood by the window and watched the whole thing, her eyes unspeakably sad. When I looked up again, she disappeared behind the curtain.

Right before she moved away, the rays of the rising morning Tribelin Engine revealed a string of shiny little diamonds streaming down her cheeks.




Next scene happened the next day. By then the whole Strobulus knew that someone put the “International Honorary Rapist Society” sign on our lawn.

Isaak Milgram took the picture of the sign, and sent it to everyone he knew.

It also appeared on Rubinstein Compound NEWSREEL, but only because Mr. Rubisntein feels compelled to disclose EVERYTHING that is happening, unless it is classified by Prince Moretr’s Office.

When Jim told me this, I choked on my meager breakfast.

But Jim’s eyes became unfocused right after he relayed the story of the hubbub and the shameful publicity.

Deep in thought, he expressed no further feelings towards the cruel prank.

He, then, moved on to discuss other issues, including our show’s ratings.

They tripled since the sign on our lawn went viral.

“Now I have to go see Lady Tigress before my next injection.” Kellspell got up from the kitchen table and went to the hall, heading for his former classroom, now the Headquarters of the Emerald Filament Team, run by lady Tigress and Mr. Jaguar. “Because surely I will not make any sense AFTERWARDS.”

“What do I tell Henry and William?” I asked into his back, finishing my toast and the tea.

“Fucking William… Always in trouble, ALWAYS in trouble!” I heard Jim mumble on the way out.

Krotkie noticed Jim’s departure and raced from the bedroom, around the Spiral Staircase and into the hall like a big salt and pepper furry lightning.

Does ANYONE love me the way Krotkie loves James?




I was not present during Jim’s meeting with Lady Tigress, but Lady Tigress does not block her channel from me. So, the recording of THIS MEETING was retrieved in the morning with no problem. Not so much with Jaguar’s Citadel21 channel, as you know.

“My Lady, I’m here before you with a grave concern.” James sits on the floor by Lady Tigress, who is sitting in a chair by a table with tea on it, in her side of the “Former Classroom”.

Her husband, Mr. Jaguar, asked for the separate quarters right in the same room. The illusion panel was installed, and Mr. Jaguar locked himself in there, not letting anyone, but Kellspell and Conroy in.

That’s what they were doing in there for the first three weeks since Conroy arrived - they were having sex.

Between the three of them, always behind the locked doors, Lady Tigress confessed to me tearfully.

Apparently, I was not the only one Jaguar aggressively locked out of his channel to keep his secrets.

And, knowing Lady Tigress, she would never “confess”, let alone “tearfully”. TO ANYONE. This woman is made of steel.

But, at some point, even steel gets tired of husband’s infidelity.

“I’m here before you, humbly to… um…” James runs out of proper English. “To tell you crap you need to know. My homie William Conroy has been accused of rape by more than one woman.”

I tried to teach James proper English, but to no avail. He said that to say “Blasts” in stead of “Fuck” is like chewing on paper pretending it’s tuna.

“So I was told.” Lady Tigress says



“Mr. Conroy first asked me to marry him, like, pretty much the first day. I was happy to hear it, but what is the rush? But then, he upped the ante and asked me to “Golden Thread” him. Note that Mr. Conroy’s body on Level 1 is 71 years of age, and the “Golden Thread” Ritual is not for the faint-hearted, and I mean it literally. But, that aside, I figured that the reason he’s got a burr up his ass is because he is running from prosecution.”

“And if he IS running from prosecution, what are you going to do, Mr. Kellspell?” Lady Tigress is not easily turned over. She wants YOU to tell her what needs to be done.

“Yeah, so… I’d harbour a fugitive any day of the week, especially a hot blue-eyed blonde. I hate cops, I hate the law. But Dr. Michael WILL NOT LET ME. See, I broke my moral compass, and I now have to share his. My personal opinion - let the chicks go fuck themselves with the rape accusations they can’t prove anyway. However, my wild guess is Dr. Michael would frown on using the holy ritual of “Golden Thread” to shield a violent criminal from fair justice.”

Lady Anne brings Lady Tigress more tea, as Jim’s vital show a desperate desire to start a cigarette. Lady Tigress, monitoring Jim from her bridgeplate, nods.

I love their understanding. I truly do. Lady Tigress sometimes rubs me, and others, the wrong way, but not James. He finds her to be a brilliant and a capable leader.

James Kellspell knows that he needs guidance from those who DID NOT make an ashtray out of their moral compass.

“The chicks can’t do very much here. All they can do is expel Conroy. But if they go for that, our arrival to the Pearly Gates will be delayed by another 4-5 years, because fucking William has all the navigation protocols, and he is the only one who knows how to use them. Without him, as the only navigator, I can only do this much. And everyone hates delay.”

“Sounds like we’re in a pickle. So, what is your solution, Mr. Kellspell?”

“I don’t know how to have sophisticated negotiations, my Lady… Truth is, I have already forgotten how to make deals the human way altogether. But here is the cat way: give me Mowgli, and I will give you a freshly killed bull over there by the river bend.”

“And what is that supposed to mean, Mr. Kellspell?” Lady Tigress gets tense because on her bridgeplate she can see where Kellspell is going with it.

“I know that your husband had locked himself in his Citadel21 quarters and he would not come out, or talk to you. You know Conroy and me are the only ones allowed at his place. You mourn his decision, you are hurt by his behaviour, and you want to know how you can have him back.” Kellspell hesitates, staring at his smouldering cigarette, and slowly closes his eyes.

That sets Lady Tigress off.

“Please, continue without dramatic pauses, Mr. Kellspell!” Lady Ti gets heated, but then she makes an effort to control herself.

“I can soften him up, and I can get him out of “his” ego-tower”, where he got himself barricaded. Give me Conroy, and I will give you both your husband and the Pearly Gates. Three years. We will be there in three years. You let the bitches exile Conroy, and you will be staring at your husband’s locked bedroom door for another FIVE OR SIX years, while millions of souls are flushed down the toilet of reincarnation, since only reaching the Pearly Gates will save you from falling asleep into another lifetime. Give me what I want and I will save those you love.”

“I have never heard a threat more disgusting than this, Mr. Kellspell. Way to play other people’s lives in the most heartless of ways. I will have you know that I am completely revulsed.” Lady Ti takes a breath. “That being said, I agree to help you because I simply have no other choice.”

“OK. Then go talk to Matushka, and get the fucking bitches to take expulsion off the table, so we can come up with a deal. The deal goes like this: you let me Golden Thread William Conroy, so I can FINALLY have me a partner, and so I can fuck his ass for Eternity, and in exchange I will make him work for you like a mule, and the bitches can impose any punishment, as long as it is not expulsion.”







“James, I have good news.” Lady Ti beckons Jim into the kitchen.

“Oh?”

“The women are ready to make a deal. But they want to know more about William Conroy. Or, rather, what is he to you and why do you want to Golden Thread him? For that, I must conduct the interview with you, and you will have to answer the questions I have right here on this bridgeplate. Do you agree?”

“Sure beans. You have 28 minutes until my third injection.”

“Understood. Let’s begin, then.”

“How did you meet Mr. Conroy?”




“Are you familiar with “Ellingham Diagrams”, my Lady? In a nutshell these diagrams were developed by a smart British scientist called Harold Ellingham to predict the carbothermic reactions in metallurgy.”

“I’m familiar with that, Mr. Kellspell. Where are you going with it?”

“William Conroy is to psychiatry is what Harold Ellingham is to metallurgy. I will tell you more - William Conroy has developed a NEW SCIENCE, or a new direction of psychiatry which we might call “Reincarnation influence”. He had pretty much proven to me the dependence of a state of a system on its history. Meaning - you are defined by your REINCARNATION HISTORY. In even simpler terms - whoever you were in your past life, you will continue this way in your next lifetime. He came up with such terms as “Hysteresis of Soul”, and what was later coined as  “First Conroy Diagram”. Any simpler than that - Conroy blew me away by EXPLAINING and PUTTING INTO A LAW what I suspected all along. And what an elegant law that was.”

“Determinants of mental health conditions”

Treatments of mental health conditions

Professor Conroy’s analytical and research skills were superb. He had hundreds of students that avidly followed his work. All that for real, on Level 1. He was combining the traditional methods with his inventions and theories to blend in smoothly, beyond belief. I was so fascinated by the insane motherfucker…”

“Mr. Kellsspell, please watch your language!”

“Ok, my Lady…” Jim’s nickname is “Shames”. He is a total deviant. He HAS NO SHAME. So, when you try to shame him, he just gets hard and hopes you’re bold enough to slap him, desirably publicly, so he can have tons of un-earned sexual satisfaction.

“At the very least, you can replace the word “mother**cker” with “son of a bitch”, Mr. Kellspell.

“Ahem, “son of a bitch” instead of “motherfucker” is like methadone instead of heroin, my Lady! Are you familiar with the street life at all?

“Silence, Mr. Kellspell! I compel you to answer my questions instead of asking me. Do you think Mr. Jaguar would approve of such loose behaviour?” Lady Tigress says as she is watching Jim’s every thought on her bridgeplate.

Oh, Mr. Jaguar is EVERYTHING to James.

“Yes, My Lady… I mean, NO, MY LADY! Please don’t tell my Commander  that I opened up my mouth with you… He will CRUCIFY me!”

I’m watching this, ahem, yes, S.O.B. James on MY bridgeplate, too. Upon mentioning Jaguar Jim got so hard, he literally mentally “sank” like a rock, to the very bottom of the Pond of Pleasure, and stayed there until yelled at by Lady Tigress.

“You are saying that Mr. Conroy has a doctorate in psychiatry? And what degree do you hold, Mr. Kellspell? What made you so valuable to a PROFESSOR that he agreed to work with you for SEVEN YEARS? What could you possibly contribute to his studies? Please remember that many interested parties will have access to the recording of this interview.”

“Whether they do, or they do not, it is all the same to me, my Lady, for I hold no degree whatsoever. I barely finished high school.”

Lady Ti goes into a stunned silence, which is somewhat orchestrated for this particular scene, just for the shock value. For I KNOW FOR SURE she knew before that drug-addicted James could never study to save his life.

“So, what did you contribute?”

“We’d have to jump into “Time Paradox and Seashell Effect” to answer that, my Lady. In 1981, when we started our studies, I was only 7 years of age in my physical female body on Level 1. However, when I was born, I REMEMBERED that I was asleep. So, I woke up and here I was, in my REGULAR MALE body of a 38 year old man having access to, like 300 of my past lives, including the ones on Andromeda. It’s like, being an actor in a period movie, but also having access to all the contemporary technology. Then they think you’re a wizard, but you just remember how to WAKE UP. This is what I had to contribute. While most of the Grey Building of Level 2 slept, we were AWAKE.”

“And when you WOKE UP in your MALE BODY in the Grey Building, what did you do, Mr. Kellspell?”

“Oh, I never really fell asleep there. So, by 1979 I was running with Darler, and by 1981 I was with Mr. William Conroy, the sneakiest snake ever. If you think you were duped by men, my Lady, you do not know Professor Conroy. He can dupe you into doing ANYTHING for him. He will wrap you around his finger, and you will never know what hit ya. Besides, I always had a reputation of a simpleton. Those chicks that accuse him of rape… They should see it differently. They should rejoice in the fact that they were used by the most handsome, the most shameless scoundrel in the history of th world. This is how William sees it, anyway.”

“There is no glory in that, Mr. Kellspelll. And I do not feel like I was “duped by men”. That was very offensive!”

“Got it, my Lady. I don’t know if I was ever used or “duped” by men, either… I fucked so many of them…”

“Mr. Kellspell!”

“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, the first time I saw him, he was in the buff, looking for drugs. The slender body, the curves of a Greek god, the blonde hair, thin and feathery… And a glance of lovely blue eyes that read: “I accuse you of hurting me. You stand accused. I am after you. I will get from you what I need, and I will make you serve me.” I should have listened to my intuition, but I think he set it all up to snare me. It worked. For seven years I worked with him, and I took care of him, and I supplied my own research data to supplement his, so we could get things going… He was NOT going in the right direction, but Professor Conroy is such a manipulative man. He will use these ego-language protocols, like “you owe me”, and “I helped you, and now is your turn”, and, every time you ask him “ how are you?”, he’d say “you have an hour?”. You get this? He SUCKS YOU DRY. Have you EVER met a man who’d say “you got an hour?” every time you ask him “what is going on with you?”. It’s like - every time I go there, and he is there, he orders me around, and I always do what he tells me to do. And then, when I express my opinion, and I say - maybe we should change this or that, he says “I’m going to do what I want to do” and he never listens.”



“All in all, Mr. Conroy is an arrogant, manipulative, confrontational man. And whatever these woman said he did, he probably did it. Can I please have him? I will never ask you for anything again if you let me have that asshole. Now, I have to go for the injection. Wallace, get that painkiller out, but DO NOT pour it into my mouth until I tell you to!”




Interview # 2

“I need to ask you a question that might and might not be related to our topic. What are these scratches on the bridge of your nose?” Lady Tigress  is looking directly at James, trying to get him to lower his eyes, but he remains unrebuffed.

“Um… I thrash about during the injections a lot. Must have hurt myself.”

“You are not very good a lying, Mr. Kellspell, despite of what Professor Conroy says about you. During injections your hands are tied. There is no way you could have caused that to yourself during the injections. I can tell you, however, where these scratches come from.”

“Go ahead and tell me.” Kellspell takes a deep breath and watches Lady Ti’s eyes narrow with an unkind fire within.

“These scratches on the bridge of your nose are from the belt buckle of trousers. My husband’s trousers.”

“Yeah, u-huh.” James nods with very little expression. “He unzips his trousers so he does not have to take them off. And there would not be any scratches, but he grinds my face into his crotch, and this is where I can’t avoid the belt buckle hitting my forehead, or my nose.”

Lady Anne comes in with a late meal, but Lady Tigress waves her away with visible frustration.

“Why did you make me pull it out of you? Why not just admit that you’ve been having sex with my husband since we have arrived?” Lady Ti crumbles on the chair and throws her head back. “I married a sexual deviant…”

“Well, I needed you to tel me so I could gauge the depth of your pain. If I’m here to heal you both, you both need to be more accepting of each other. Mr. Jaguar is not a “sexual deviant”. He is just bisexual.

“So, you made me say all this to see the wounds of my heart? Do you want to see me bleed every time he desecrates and dishonours our Covenant?”

“Do you want him back or not? A lecture is the last thing he needs. He feels he was deprived of stuff BECAUSE of the Covenant. You let him have me and Conroy and we might just coax him out of Citadel21.”

Lady Tigress breaks down.

“There… Come on.” Kellspell goes on one knee, embraces Lady Ti, and puts his disheveled head on her lap. “Sometimes, it is all about homosexual agenda! Ask Isaak Milgram!”



“What did I do?!”

The scene with the letter to Ms. Dawn.

“Dear Ms. Dawn!

I’m, glad to see that your husband is finally here. Kurt and I go way back. As you know, he is the Gold Card holder. This allows him access to Strobulus at any time. People line up and try to break through the door, but it took YOU five years! You fucking had better things to do than accept my Golden Card Invitation to the Pearly Gates. Whatever, you sore bitches.;;Anyway, as a Gold Card holder, Kurt has all the rights to all the amenities and stuff. The main thing - to be able to invite your friends/family. He has a right to invite as much as 300 dumb lay muggles of his choice, plus Demetra Visa rights.

Words can’t describe how much I hate all you incredibly imbecilic, narrow-minded sleep-walking muggles.

Back to my thoughts.

So be it, against my own sound judgement I decided to give you the same rights as your man. You can also invite 300 of some stupid bitches and the Demetra Visa Rights for anyone you ever worked with.

Enjoy your stay. Money that you’ve earned for yourself will not transfer here. Only the money that you spend helping others will work. If you do not have enough, I will cover all of your family’s expenses.

But, somehow, I know you will have enough. Your hubby is a crazy motherfucker, but you held your man in check this whole time. I want to give you credit for that.

Let me know if you need anything.
You can come to my Uret/Jaguar Citadel21 Headquarters”


“But what did I do?!” Kellspell howls as Lady Ti drags him to the Spiral Staircase, in front of at least 10 women, seated on chairs around the Tea Table and on the Mood Rug. “I wrote her a nice letter, and I gave her the same right s as her man, and here you are dissing me!”



“Do you believe that people of color are lower than you, Mr. Kellspell?”
;‘What? No! If a black man is a Professor of a University, I’ll hate him just as much as I hate William! No discrimination there!”

“Hate”? You will “hate” him?” Lady Anne raises her reading glasses to get a better look at Kellspell, standing by the Spiral Staircase, looking like an errant kid at a parent-teacher conference.

“Sure! For achieving more than me. I’d hate ANY MALE for that. White, black of indifferent.”

“What about a female Professor?”

“No. I will not hate her for that. Chicks are stupid, so the reason she is a Professor, is because she slept with the right person in the position of management. And that person, white, black of indifferent, made her his whore, and he made her a Professor. So, i would not hate that. That’s life.”

I watch Matushka listen to James. Her eyes go wide and she slowly brings a hand to her mouth.

“Ok, Mr. Kellspell. Can you please describe what you think you wrote incorrectly in the letter to Ms. Dawn?”

“I have no fucking idea, Lady Anne! I don’t even know why I’m here! I wrote the bitch a sweet letter, I gave her the opportunity to invite as many friends AS HER HUSBAND, my totally most venerated homie Kurt Dawn, God bless his heart, and here I am being clobbered to death by you people. I think it IS because of my liaison with Professor Conroy, who you made into a bad guy, because you have nothing better to do than listen to his accusers, who made it all up to damage his sterling reputation.”

“This is the most deranged response I have ever received in my entire life, Mr. Kellspell.


“I have no more questions, Mr. Kellspell.” Lady Anne concludes in a dry, businesslike manner. “The Council will give its verdict soon.”

The last one was SCARY.

The verdict might mean that William Conroy will not be allowed to be on the filming set of Emerald Filament reality show.

And James knows it. But he is not a diplomat, and he simply has no idea how to be one.

If Conroy is exiled, it will devastate James.

Is there a hope for us?

In the 7 months I’ve been working with James, and 10 months since I arrived to the set, I have gotten to know Lady Anne as a very intelligent, but long-suffering woman, and a selfless fighter for the truth.

But after a testimony like that, not just Conroy, but Kellspell himself is going to get voted off the set.

Albeit the only navigator we have.

It will be upon her now to convince the Women’s Council to pull through Kellspell’s deal.

Do not put THIS MAN to testify in his own defence. “I killed her because she was a stupid bitch! Can’t you stupid bitches see my point?”

It would be hilarious if it is not tremendously tragic.

In fact, so tragic that I walk into our bedroom, get a bottle of Canadian Whiskey, and drink greedily, as another member of the the Council continues to grill James, now on his 7-year relationship with accused rapist William Conroy.

It has become so easy to get drunk nowadays. Since William Conroy arrived, James became involved in one or another questionable activity.

He gets caught and disciplined for all that, and that is why he drinks even more.

James hides his stash in the drawer of MY underwear. Male solidarity, right?

It is the time to give James his 4th injection, and the Arkabins are already here.

As soon as Kellspell is done being tormented by the Women’s Council, he is going right on the bed, he will be tied up, and given a very painful injection that also delivers about 300 calories at a time. Times six a day. And he is only 5”7, 120 pounds to begin with. He is gaining weight to put Buddha to shame, and it brings him down even more.

“We are going to conclude this interview, Mr. Kellspell. Is there anything else you want to say?” Lady Anne puts her glasses back on, and goes back into her bridgeplate.

“Yeah!” Kellspell nods vigorously.

NO. The advice is “no”. You dug yourself, and Conroy, deep enough.

But, watch James the Unsinkable and Indestructible.

 “I’m going to show you what love is.” Kellspell is smiling, and his smile is not kind. “When are you going to come up with a verdict? Because I’m going to time Golden Thread Ritual accordingly, and by the time you convict Professor Conroy, it will be me, Henry Carlton, Wolf “Krotkie” Hafnian, AND baby H.M. facing the noose. Possibly, Richard Rockford and Wallace Smith. Even Mr. Jaguar. He will show you how to do it right. I will put you all into a position where you will be forced to hang five to seven people, before you get to Conroy. Do your worst. See you at the gallows. And when you’re done, I will dig up dirt on every single one of you, use my connections to start a smear campaign in the Andromedan press, I will topple your Council politically and I will request Kumlatov for another Strobulus, leaving THIS ONE without a navigator. Your chances of achieving the Pearly Gates in the next century without a navigator are zero.”

With that, Kellspell walks away from the stunned Council, and right into the hands of the waiting Arkabins.

Way to spit in the face of justice, James. If he ever follows through on any of these terrifying threats, he will be violating ALL of his vows. And he knows it. But the proprietary feeling and the territorial imperative, both of the ego-programming, are making him defend what he thinks is his. Namely, long-lost old flame William Conroy.

Soon, Jim’s screams are too loud for anyone to discuss anything. The Council disbands begrudgingly, leaving only Lady Anne and Matushka huddled together, holding each other by their shoulders.



“What the fuck does this mean? “They already have a verdict”? James?!” Conroy is over Kellspell, who is on his bed, working the bridgeplate.



Lady Anne acts as William Conroy’s defense attorney, explaining that James Kellspell has enough karmic credits to request and enable the Golden Thread Ritual to amalgamate Conroy into the Alloy, compelling the Council to impose punishment on the entire Kellspell Team, not just Conroy.


William Conroy is notified that his 71-year old body on Level 1 will not be able to survive the Golden Thread Ritual.

“Well, that was your plan, wasn’t it?” Conroy sits on the bed, while Jim drinks straight from the bottle of Canadian Whiskey, provided by the most kind Mr. Rubinstein. “Now you’re going to throw me to the dogs?!”

“Relax.” James starts a cigarette. “You know how when you want to buy something expensive, but you do not have all the money right away, you can pay by installments?”

“You can get married by instalments?” Conroy pulls a cigarette out of Jim’s pack as the curtains of Henry’s Chamber are moved by the wind.
;Yesterday James could not handle it anymore, and broke the door to get to Henry. It was right after his third injection. He was in too much pain to give a damn about any orders anymore. They also were not Mr. JAGUAR’s ORDERS that Henry was to be sequestered.

IF they were Mr. Jaguar’s orders, James would have died of longing by Henry’s door, but he would have never done anything to upset Mr. Jaguar.

There was a belated suggestion from William to just go around and get Henry from the backyard, as the sliding door of his bedroom faced the hedge of our lawn, and was always open.

But any idiot can just go around through the back door.

BREAKING the door to get to your forbidden love was very dramatic, and very Jim-like.

Every dumb fat rich Grehedi cat on Andromeda switched their channel from the news to our reality show to see THAT.

I was watching the ratings going way up, promising incredible revenue for Moretr Industries as James rushed into Henry’s bedroom, and covered his hands and his face with kisses after not being able to see him for three weeks.

There was a reason as to why Henry could not see James for three weeks.

Once Henry was led out of the bedroom, and James helped him step over the shards of the broken wooden door, Henry saw William, instantly knew everything (because he’d been listening to our hubbub this whole time), and sat in his chair by the dresser with the mirror, darker than a night cloud.



“This is what happens when you disregard the orders.” Lady Tigress waves her finger at James. ‘Henry, come here. Please, don’t pout. Your “daddy” is going to marry this man, so there is someone to help him take care fo you, Krotkie and H.M. All of you karmically underage, blind and asleep. James has his hands full between his school, his wok and the three of you, and you just need to understand, that William is going to be your caregiver.”


Next scene, in which James finds out that William Conroy had faked his age to appear more mature to James, so James would agree to conduct a research with him. Conroy told James he was “30” years of karmic age, when he was only “18”.




“William, WTF?” James screams, as the sun, a Tribelin Engine, sets to our right. “You were karmically “18” this whole time? Now I UNDERSTAND as to why you because fascinated by them damned lizards! That is why you never listened to me, and that is why you committed these sexual assaults! Because, your whole life, you had the mind of an immature teenager!”

“Am I disqualified now? Are you going to discard me? Is it what will happen? I tried to cover it up, and it worked. For a while.” Conroy crumbles on Jims’ bed. “What is going to happen to me after you discard me?”

Kellspell approaches the sitting Conroy, and kisses him on the cheek ever so gently. “How can I discard YOU, when there is a hole in my heart the size of the Gem of William Conroy, whom I left, but could never forget? I will not make the same mistake again. It’s been thirty years of not being able to get over the fact that you were not in my life.”



“I put sigils on myself so you could not see the true me.”

“I know, William! I gave you way too much credit because I believed that you were karmically thirty. The first time I saw you, you had more sigils on you than a Sheiredi, and they INVENTED them.”

“Why haven’t they worked?”


“They worked like the Winchester this whole time, but for the Golden Thread Ritual I must conduct on you!”

“You married Smith and he still habors a whole bunch of secrets you have no idea about!” William points at me, and I should be mad, but I’ve been here since February (LKS21), and I’ve been working on humility, big time. When the ego is telling you to go “defend yourself”, it is LYING. There is NO “YOURSELF”.

“Yourself” is an illusion meant to hurt us. It is “ourselves” that get hurt. Remove ourselves, melt them back into the Ocean of God, and we will know peace. Continue to defend “your boundaries”, what is “you” and “yours”, and you will waste your life on needless fights.

Flowers could take place of those fights. Simple living could take place of those fights.

LOVE COULD TAKE PLACE OF THOSE FIGHTS.

I am wisening up to the ways of the ego-programming. Soon, I will be free from it, therefore unstoppable on the way to Happiness.

And happiness is NOT freedom.
There is no freedom from love.
You can’t be free with a loving partner and 2-3-4 children.

So, what kind of FREEDOM do you want?

Freedom is another word for “loneliness”.

Freedom to love is what poison to your food.

So I do not respond, even as William is attacking me.

And the wisdom pays off. I do not need to defend myself. James will defend me.

“I married Smith, but I did not “Golden Thread” him. I Golden Threaded Krotkie, who was already one with Henry, as Henry was too karmically young to have the Ritual performed on him. I am now ONE with Henry and Krotkie, but not entirely ONE with Wallace and Richard. You - I must appropriate quickly, or I might lose you. THAT IS WHY EVERYTHING you ever hid from me is going to wash up. The Golden Thread Ritual leaves you completely naked in front of God, AND your partner. Not everyone is ready for it.’




“And so, we had this thing between us. Late at night he’d come to the warehouse, and I would hurry as soon as I could, having shed my 8-year old body back in Moscow.” James spreads his hands, passing there and back across the bedroom.

A desire to lose weight after the high-calorie injections now makes him want to move all the time.

“I would enter the room he made his bedroom there, and where the metal drawers with drugs were, and sometimes he’d hear me come in (it was a five minute walk from the entrance across wooden, dirt and concrete floors), and by the time I’d enter his room, he’d be on the bed, naked, with his eyes closed.” James throws back his head, full of memories, and longing.
;Lady Anne nods in encouragement, Henry sits in front of his dresser, staring into his own reflection in an attempt to hide his intense jealousy over the events over 30 years ago, and i watch William, sitting on the bed, with his head down.

“And… um… I’d get on the bed, and run my hand over his lean, muscular body…” James comes to sitting William, pushes him gently backwards, and starts kissing his lips as William eases himself on the pillow. “And he’d let me kiss him on the lips as he would get hard, like a pump, with every kiss…”

James proceeds to do exactly that, and William lays there, motionless.

Jim is smiling as William lays there and cries. Jim kisses every tear running down Conroy’s cheek.

Henry covers his face with both hands. “I knew one was there. I saw it. Only I thought IT WAS GORDON…” He whispers.



“Surrender to me, Professor Conroy, and then we can rule Kellspell together!” Henry comes behind William and says as if ti himself, but actually into Conroy’s shoulder. “I know you came here to surrender. But you do not have to surrender to KELLSPELL. Many have surrendered to ME.”

“Like who?” Conroy shakes his head in disbelief.

“Like Kyle Merritt.” Carlton snaps back, retaliating for Conroy’s disbelieving tone.





“I’m glad to announce that after much thorough consideration Professor William Conroy has decided to surrender to Regent James Kellspell.”


“I can’t believe my eyes, William! Night after night you spent crying on my shoulder over everything Kellspell did to you, and how cruel he was, and how he dumped you, you still crawl back to him, like a dog!” Carlton’s eyes are cold and his tone is scathing. “That means that you have not suffered enough!”

“It’s not like that, Henry.” Conroy is doing his best to appear composed. “And thank you for all the emotional help you provided for me during these difficult weeks when there is not enough James to charge us all. It’s just that I think that we can’t avoid the suffering. So, I embrace it. But while at it, I also want to be loved. No one had ever loved me more than James Kellspell.”






“Here are the conclusions I came to, while watching William struggle with his discoveries.” James glances at the Andromedan clock on the ceiling. “I have fifteen more minutes to my first injection, so, we must wrap it up, my Lady. it is really hard to come to God when you have achieved so much in life. Who ever walked away from money and fame to be with God?”

“Cat Stevens.” Lady Anne shrugs.

James moans and shakes his head as I’m DRINKING WHISKEY at 7:49 am. Straight from the bottle. Kellspell believes that he is a failure in life, since he could never interest anyone in his research. He had no degree, and he could never hold a job.

Kellspell concludes, that people like him will have no problem surrendering to God. There is nothing to lose for them in secular life. 

I can FEEL him filling with poison as he sighs and frowns, and continues to spill his guts to Lady Anne over how uniformly painful his life had always been, with only a few bright spots.

“The Rotarians…” He muses. “Being a porn actor… That was fun. But it was too few and far between, and it never lasted. I know I’m making Father unhappy, because I am failing to accept His Will for my life, but I spent my life in indentured servitude. Only and ever served one, rather rough man, my H.M. Tried to earn a living as a writer, and THAT activity went like a lead balloon. Really, a rock could fly farther. And when you look back at your life, all you see is beatings. And I know, you bitches got beat up, too. But your beatings were interspersed with the projects, on which you were needed, respected, and duly reimbursed. Granted, I have no use for money, being needed at a cool creative project is still a dream of mine. But I’m almost 50. Who will ever invite me anywhere? And why?”

“He is shooting up NES-sp.” Lady Anne enters into her LHS SeaRock bridgeplate. “Probably in “anticipation” of the injection.”

“Blyat, I can hear your every thought, Lady Anne!” Kellspell sits on the bed by Conroy and takes his hand. “I’m not supposed to be eavesdropping on your communication with Moretr or Melekh. Did you put the blue sigil?”

“Oh, sorry…” Lady Anne smiles, and rubs the air in front of her much like you would try and clean up a dirty window. She’s been here longer than me, but not my much. And she can already see stuff I still can’t.

“What I was trying to say is - I understand why William





THE SHEPHERD’S APPRENTICE Under Carlton-Kellspell River Sigil

CHAPTER 136 (this file - from 119)
(Repeated here - the main HEADLINE is TEN PAGES UPWARDS);
“The Van Der Waal’s Effect”

The Confession Hour. ;
Jim’s Confession Hour. ;






Boy, if he EVER knew HOW MANy people gather to listen to this, he’d never utter another word again. You know why?

 Because Regent James Kellspell, now accepting a FOURTH dependant, DOES NOT want to appear weak in any way. Yet, he is only human.

“My Prince, I have been gaining a pound of fat a week with these injections!” James howls into the skies with his head thrown back, in Prince Moretr’s office, with Henry standing and holding on to the back of his chair, with his knuckles white and his face tormented, Krotkie laying at Jim’s feet, young H.M. in Jim’s arms (a bear cub, sleeping), and now William, naked, but wrapped in a sheet, standing by his right.

“We may be able to find the injections that do not cost you 300 calories a shot.”

“Thank you…” James folds over, holding on to his stomach, he says will soon put Boddha to shame.

“What are your other concerns? You just took in William Conroy.”

“William is fine!” James dismisses with his right hand, while his left is on his stomach, “I/m ok with him. He is sweet and very tender, as always. Henry does not take kindly to him, especially after William chose to surrender to me INSTEAD of Henry, and all that drama I had to deal with, and comfort my sweet Henry, but it is nothing in comparison with ho quickly I’m gaining weight with these injections.”

“I already got the, James.” Moretr nods, in his chair across the table.

“Maybe, you need to “get it” again. My Prince.” Lady Anne butts in. She took up a volunteer role of our advocate, and she is now helping us deal with stuff that was killing us for so long. “James started the ‘anti-aggression” injections a month ago, and THEN you guys saw that the side effects were weight gain and sluggishness. He is NOT allowed outside. So he can’t jog. You said you were going to bring in the treadmill, and it’s been three weeks since you said that, sir!”

“My Lady Anne, we’re doing everything we can…”

“Are you inventing a TREADMILL from scratch, is than why it is taking you THREE WEEKS to install a treadmill in Regent Kellspell’s bedroom?”

“My Lady, there are other solutions BESIDES a treadmill.”

“Like what?” Lady Anne shakes her head. “Weight gain is Jim’s worst problem right now. He complains of not being able to get up, of feeling heavy, and “I’ve never been this fat”, and all you do is POSTPONE those solutions!”

“Yeah…” Jim says slowly. “The point is, I refused to take the three shots I was supposed to have this morning (I get six a day altogether), and they did not give them to me. But then, I realized that my aggression and annoyance went way through the roof, and I had a fight with H.M. on Level 1, and it was a thunder cloud and lightning fight. I hated it, he was berserk, and ti was all because I was ANNOYED, could not control my moods due to the fact that I did not have those shots this morning. So I cursed my ass for for refusing the shots, and when the men showed up in the afternoon, I said - hit me. They hit me with three remaining shots - and suddenly, my life is god again, and I forgot all about the fight with H.M. on the way back from the grocery (in Dillon, MT), but then my weight sky-rocketed… My Prince, i’m having my FOURTH dependent. William is sweet, helpless, and he needs me like a child needs a father. They say I became much nicer. But, however, I will be a very nice FAT FUCKER, if something is not done. For a WEEK I ran THREE MILES a day around the lawn under Lady Anne’s supervision, and the problem is - that did not do any good. As if in a mocking fashion, my stomach had become even BIGGER. And it is true. They say that my every injection is 300 calories. Times SIX a day. Did you know that it takes 122 minutes of WALKING fo burn 500 calories in a 120 pound man? So, it’s half an hour of RUNNING against almost 2000 calories s day I get JUST FROM the injections. My Prince, I’m literally running to be nice, and only doing less than half of the necessary time. This is not looking like bright future. What are the good news you can give me?”








William is on our bed face down, naked, with just a sheet across his butt and legs. James sits beside him, massaging his shoulders most thoroughly, then he goes with his back, and, finally, his ass and legs.

Conroy is out of it. His eyes are closed, and he has not moved in twenty minutes Jim has been giving him massage.

Well, this is something these walls have not seen before. James himself does not like massage. Neither had he ever given anyone any massage, because he finds it boring. But not with William.

“I missed you so much, William…” James whispers into Conroy’s neck as he rubs the biceps of Conroy’s left arm. “I loved you when I left you… I tried to forget you. Thirty two years, my love… I tried to forget you this whole time, but I knew I left half of my heart with you. And a better half, at that…”




“So, apparently, my Lady, THAt was the reason as to why it took them THREE WEEKS to resolve Jim’s jogging problem. Yes, it was an illusion panel. More like an illusion corridor, leading to a clandestine place in Montana. The corridor is called “Lemhi Pass”. It took them awhile to construct a passage that could be physically crossed - from Strobulus to Earth and back.”

Lady Anne is talking to Lady Tigress, as I see on my bridgeplate. Apparently, there is no end to what you can achieve, or reach, vis this bridgeplate.

With an appropriate permission, of course.

I just set my LHS SeaRock bridgeplate to pick up BOTH sides of the conversations I hear (including, but not limited to, the phone), but I just can’t get the left blue field to open up. Lady Ti’s answers are there. More work is needed.

‘And today Kellspell, Krotkie, Henry, Smith and Conroy spent ALL DAY exercising Kellspell by building a dam over a creek made of rocks and mud. Rocks needed to be picked up and delivered to the dam site. They drove POLARIS Rangers, and other equipment to obtain the rocks. They came back dirty as miners, but, alas, with a lot less gold.”

They both laugh. I KNOW that Lady Ti is laughing, too. Even as she is going through tough times with Jaguar.

“Anyway, you could write your name on Kellspell’s cheeks, so dusty he was. Yet, he refused to take a shower. I said - if you don’t take a shower, I will not let you have William. Sweet, lovely, submissive William will not be sleeping with you tonight.”

I was there. That was funny. Jim’s DeVo is pushing him towards feline behaviour more and more. It is hard to get him to take a shower nowadays. Lady Anne, our kindergarten teacher, is responsible for our well-being until Lady Ti and Jaguar come back.

They better not come to a pandemonium with a whole bunch of dirty, fornicating, drinking cats. By the way, William was DeVoing into a Comodo dragon, not a cat.

THAT IS WHY James left him. But now he is so happy to have Conroy back, he can’t get enough of the man, and says he no longer cares what animal Conroy is DeVoing into, as long as they are together.

Conroy cries every night into Jim’s shoulder. My bridgeplate shows he is crying out of gratitude. Jim took him back with two assault charges against him.

But then Richard Rockford came clean enough and THEN assaulted Jim. And Jim did not care.

The most important part of my review of the last week is Henry Carlton.

Everyone was very happy to see William Conroy back with James after over three decades apart. Everyone, but Henry.

Henry ALWAYS knew that there was ANOTHER. Only he thought it was Gordon. I personally believed it was Kurt, but then Mrs. Dawn has explained to me that Kurt and James were just friends. If Kurt and James were lovers, she would have known. And I have to give it to her. SHE would know.



You might have a brooch with a few stones. Then, the MAIN stone falls out, and an empty setting remains. All other stones are there, but for this one.

And “this one”, the lucky, the biggest stone to be brought back into the setting had turned out to be William Conroy.

Sheba believed it would be Darler. But Ms. Patricia has explained to both of us very clearly, that Darler-Kellspell liaison was illegal and against her wishes. She left Kellspell a bunch of messages to his room in the Grey Building, asking him to end his relationship with her husband.

When I confronted James with that info, he agreed, apologised, and released all ties with Darler. Patricia generously let James continue to take care of Darler’s grave. But nothing more.

And then, there were no more stones on the table. Both me and Sheba were wondering, WHO IS that so stone that fell out.

And then Lady Tigress and Jaguar took care of that. Aunt Vicky found William Conroy, actually. She wants his for herself. But she gave him to James to get the man back into spiritual shape.

James is overjoyed, the sigil that covered their 7-year turbulent relationship is removed, and - here we go. Both Sheba and me are stunned how well James and William fit together. They ARE the stone and the brooch re-united.





James, hysterical: “My Prince! The ego-program threatens to “crush me” and “destroy me”, and “make sure you will have a lot of pain and a slow, torturous death”. I CAN’T BELIEVE I RECORDED ALL THESE THREATS TO MYSELF!”








“Kellspell will crash, and he will go after you. He is only nice when he is not down. Be prepared to handle his worst of moods.”

Sheba to Lady Anne, as means of relaying experience of dealing with James.



4:28pm, and the sun is setting. It’s last, barely warm autumn rays light up Jim Kellspell’s distressed face, twisted by a large amount of NES-sp poison he shot up about 40 minutes ago, against his own wishes and without asking for anyone’s permission.

I used to blame the Tribelin Engine for the fact that no matter where the sun is, its rays always touch Jim’s face, but then I found out the following conversation that took place between Prince Moretr and James:

Prince Moretr: “Once you surrender, you will be confined to your bedroom. Would you like the windows of your place face the sunrise or sunset?”

James Kellspell: “How about both?”

I mean, only in HIS WORLD that could be possible. And he said it twice, too. The first time he was asked, he said “both”, and then, for 25 years both SUNRISE and SUNSET touched his dirty, weary face. On Level 1, Moscow.

How? Oh, there were no aliens involved, at least AT THAT TIME. He lived opposite to another building, and, as his windows faced the SUNRISE, the sunset was REFLECTED against the windows of the apartment complex OPPOSITE to his, and that’s how he got his wish even on Level 1.

On Level 2? Energy here is a lot more “liquid” than in the world that we know (Level 1). Here you can ask for anything.

Granted, James ALWAYS asks for ANYTHING that comes to his mind, AS IF he is ALWAYS on the lovely, liquid Level 2.

Here he is, on his bed, contemplating going for a run in our new “Lemhi Pass” corridor/illusion panel. It allows him to roam the woods and NOT be in the common areas.


“I have no idea as to why I am even among you guys…” Jim hates himself, saying that to Lady Anne, but today he is down. And he makes us feel it. “I was never allowed to express myself creatively. No one ever cared about my work. No one ever read my books. I was never reimbursed for any of my work. I was never appreciated for ANYTHING I did in life. And if I was, then it was 10% appreciation and 90% beatings from Dobry and H.M. Why am I even afraid of death? My life is such a waste of everyone’s time.”

“You’re really hurting me, and Melekh, Prince Moretr, AND WILLIAM with these words.” Lady Anne plays the only card that will work here.

Since William was brought in, James found himself in much better moods. Even amongst the news that he was shot with a prion, and now it would take six most devastating injections a day to keep the invasive program in his body at bay.

Their deep mutual attraction is easily felt by the entire team. I envy Conroy’s position with James. And there is nothing I can do. It’s all about seniority. No matter how ancient I might feel, Professor Conroy beats me by quarter of a century. He and James were lovers by the time I was very young and inexperienced twenty years of age. And Henry was in primary school.

“I don’t care!” Kellspell screams out, falling into one of his raging rants.

“Look at me, James.” Professor Conroy sits by the bed and takes James by his hand, so very tenderly.

“You are not going to take me down with your methods, William! It’s been a long time!” Kellspell resists, his face angry.

“I want you very much, James. You are the best lover I ever had.” Conroy persists, rather calmly. Like you drink water out of the bottle. The bottle crackles in your hands a bit, and that does not prevent you from drinking. You just grab it a little tighter, maybe. Or turn it over. It is your bottle and you grab it any way you want.

It is fascinating to watch Jim’s lovers taking him down in every which way they have learned that works.

Henry would rile James up with his routine, get him all bothered up with his psychotic outbursts, and then run into his bedroom and lay there face down, and pants down, hoping that he “wound Jim up” enough for Jim to come fuck him. Jim would never disappoint.

Professor Conroy exhibits the behaviour of a very experienced hunter, who knows exactly how to turn over this stubborn turtle of James Kellspell. You will see that in just a second.
;I can do neither. I can only HOPE that James will notice me. But I would never attract his attention in any way. I love James and I want him to have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I’m just not that kind of a person who could DEVISE AND IMPLEMENT A STRATEGY to get someone they want.

Also, I swear, there is something about my position. Sheba always complained about being “invisible”. The Arkchil Operator is like the photographer, who made all this record happen, but the public will never see  him on those photographs.

“.. Hold on!” James turns away from Conroy. “… and your friend Dr. Robin Whatshisface with a PhD in clinical psychiatry, and Professor Christopher from that faculty, ALL of these bitches you told me about! You and all your friends are just a bunch of overindulged fat cats, William!”

I, personally, would not know what to do with the situation, where I want to be kissed, but instead I get:

“James, come on.” Conroy shortens the distance between himself and his long-lost love by bringing his face directly to Kellspell’s.

Not a good strategy right now. Rabid as he is, James just might hit you.

“Kiss me.” Conroy whispers.

“I’m not falling for this, William, for the love of God, it’s been thirty years, during which I thought about EVERY TIME YOU SEDUCED ME WITH SEX so you could continue to USE me, making me assist you in your dumb research that very nearly killed you!”

“I will let you remember what happened your way. But please know that I love you very much, James. No matter what you think of what happened between us, I want to feel you inside of me. Now.” Conroy continues without ever paying any attention to Jim’s resistance.

And here he goes. Kellspell is kissing Conroy in the lips, and soon Conroy pulls down Jim’s pants and proceeds to give him a very passionate blow job right in front of ALL OF US.

Well, James is a kind of an opponent that needs to be taken down by ANY MEANS NECECCARY.

Kellspell throws his head back, and he is subdued.

Goal achieved.

{William Conroy channel: Music on the background: “Pozovi Menya S Soboi” by Alla Pugacheva. James, do you remember this song? It was in the letter that I sent you right as that song came out. Call me… I asked you, I begged you. You never answered any of my letters, you never called me. You threw me out of your life and you forgot about me. But I did not. I never forgot you.}






“And so, this is what “Van Der Waal’s Effect Prion” is - The dragonfly will only be able to lift off the surface of water IF it REMEMBERS that it is not just one insect, but a PART OF SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER.” Lady Anne scans the appearing text as William is holding his hand to the Left Interface Channel, running rapidly downwards.

“You bitches are full of shit.” James sighs. “If Moretr’s people could not figure it out, how can you?”

“Ye of little faith! Here it is!” Lady Anne sinks her hand into the text on Jim’s LHS SeaRock bridgeplate, and pulls out a glowing green thread. “You owe me, and you owe William!”

Lady Anne brings up her bridgeplate and reports to Lady Tigress: “All good. I think we can reverse the prion now. All James needs to do is NEVER FORGET that he is a PART OF A BIGGER ENTITY. Then the prion’s program is doomed. It can hold only ONE mind at a time. But not a multitude of them.”






“We already knew all that, my Lady.” Moretr spreads his hands, and their fingers extend somewhat. It is the only feature that he allows to get through his illusion of human appearance.

“You knew what the dragonfly needed to do? Why didn’t you tell it to James?!” Lady Anne is irate.

“What good would it do? What you have discovered is just theory. In reality no one ever was able to overcome the illusion of being stuck.”

“You give us time. You will see. We’re going to pull him out!” Lady Anne takes a deep breath, trying to control her emotions.

“You. Have all the time in the world.” Moretr says soothingly.

“If we get him to break the tension, will he no longer need the injections?”

“True, but you will not. He is stuck there forever.”

“But then no one owns “forever” but God, my Prince! Has ANYONE tried to ask for His help?”

With that, Lady Anne storms out of Moretr’s office.

“Not on Andromeda, no.” Moretr shakes his head.



Classical James:
;“William, I need to help Mielada with homework. There are two numbers here. 154 and 145. They look exactly the same to me! Which one is bigger?”

“154 is a bigger number, James.” Conroy approaches Kellspell from behind and breathes into the back of his neck, rubbing Jim’s shoulders ever so tenderly.

“Got it.” Kellspell nods gratefully. “Now, just for giggles sake, if you put “1” behind “45”, will it still be the same number?”

“No.” Conroy shakes his head and nibbles on Jim’s ear as Henry gets out of his Chambers and watches Kellspell with his eyes wide open, his mouth twisted in anger of jealousy.




Level 1 laundromat. What may sound insane to you, is the every day occurrence here with us.

H.M. wanted his pillows washed, so we accompanied James and young H.M. to the public laundromat. After the pillows were washed, Jim put them into the dryer. The amount of time to dry the pillows: 62 minutes.

Note to self: Don’t show James ANY numbers. He freaks out and tries to get out of the situation where numbers are involved.

“OK! 60 minutes is two hours. It is now 10:30 am. I’m going to put the alarm at 12:30pm.” He says, frowning into his phone.

You should know James. Raised by the military parents, his voice is always commanding, although hoarse. He also speaks with a lot of confidence.

In fact, his confidence is so solid and so contagious, that it takes away your desire to argue, no matter what. You tend to agree, when someone takes charge with such deep internal conviction of their righteousness.

And I DO NOT argue.

But William can’t handle himself.

“60 minutes is only one hour, James.” He says almost apologetically.

There are color blind people. Poor James Kellspell is “number blind”. To him, all numbers look like meaningless squiggles.

To James, “60” is nothing but a squiggle “6” and a squiggle “zero”. Together they can mean anything, and amount to anything.

“One hour” to him is the time that passes between “12 o’clock” and “1 o’clock”. But how many minutes are inside? It depends. Sometimes he thinks it’s a full hexagon (15 X 4), and sometimes he imagines “one hour” to be only half hexagon (15 X 2), and it never fazes him.

“No way!!!” Kellspell makes big eyes at Conroy, as he leads him out of the door without any hesitation. “60 minutes sounds like A LOT of minutes. At least two hours! 60 minutes is only one hour? Ha! Maybe in Australia!”

And Kellspell winks at me.

Again, i smile politely, and choose silence. What’s the worst thing that is going to happen? He will come back one hour later than necessary. Who will steal these old pillows? There is no one here anyway.

They say that it takes three years to learn to talk, and it takes your whole life to learn to shut up.

I’m still at it, achieving success today.

Finally, Conroy gets it.

“Please forgive me. Please, don’t throw me out for disagreeing with you… I have nowhere else to go!”

“You don’t have to be this way, my love!” James turns to kiss Conroy on the lips. They both close their eyes and caress each other’s faces with their lips for a good five minutes. Good thing, there is no one at the laundromat. “It’s OK, you made a mistake. There is no way these pillows will dry in only one hour. So, “60” must mean “two hours”. This is the correct logic, William. You must agree.”

“I do! I agree, James!” Conroy seeks more caress, but Kellspell gets businesslike and leads us out to the street.




Evening, and Kellspell is doing his chemistry homework.

“Do you like my new bra?” I open my dressing gown (Henry’s old dressing gown).



So sensual.

James loves to kiss William Conroy’s lips. He grabs them with his lips so greedily. He caresses them with such incredible force, like his life depended on it.







Cory’s keys, that Jim found on the way to Citadel 21.

“No one cares that I found the keys in the middle of the road! H.M. NEVER acknowledged me. He never asked me “how did you find the keys?” He just took them from me, and THAT WAS IT!!

James suffers from lack of appreciation.

I have been standing here for hours, and he never noticed me. He does not care what, or how much I do for him. He never appreciates me. And I have to take it, because I signed up for martyrdom.

“What a tremendously disappointing day on Level 1! I guess I will never hear ANY appreciation…” James muses and drinks himself into oblivion.

William, who is more desperate for Jim’s attention than fish for water, sits by his side, holding his hand.

There is no room for me. Or Henry. Or ANYONE, for that matter.

;“The year is 1985.” William recalls. “James was sent to a “pioneer camp” for a month, because his grandmother in Crystal Valley could not handle him for 3 months at a time.
;So, he goes there, Level 1, and then, as soon as he can fall asleep in his “despicable female body” in there, he goes straight to Level 2, into the Grey Building, where he wakes up in his male body of a 38 year old, and rushes to the warehouse, where we were working on our “Reincarnation Research.”

“Was he upset that day?” I try to ask a relevant question.

“Oh, yeah.” Conroy nods. “And here is what happepend. It was his and his team’s duty that day in the cafeteria. So, all day they worked there, peeled potatoes, and washed floors in the entire building. It was very hard to do, Jim recalled, the cafeteria was very big, and the mops they were given were heavy.  But there was a reward there - those children who did their job well, were called the next day to raise the flag during the morning lineup. So, James whipped his mates, and himself, to do the BEST JOB ever possible, knowing that tomorrow morning they would be rewarded.”

I know, that nothing good can come out of this story, and James, who went through this over 30 years ago, is sitting gloomily on the bed, held by William, the only witness to his early life.

“But the next morning it rained.” Conroy continues with a detached face, because he learned to handle Jim’s pain, as well as his own, with a certain detachment. A valuable skill, what can I say.

“James was deeply disappointed, and so were his mates. But he told them that tomorrow is another day, and they will be called in front of the entire camp of 400-500 children and teachers to raise the flag as a reward for the good service in the kitchen.”

“Carry on.” I encourage, knowing how this is going to end. James was 12 years of age on Level 1 at the time, but because he was 38 in his body on Level 2, he experienced everything not as a child, but as an adult man. Makes it that much more painful.

“But the next day, during the line up, there were already OTHER HEROES.” Conroy continues. “The next day those who served THE DAY BEFORE in the kitchen, were called to raise the flag. So, the night of that day James rushed to see me in the warehouse, and told me that he wanted to DIE when he saw OTHER TEAM being called to raise the flag. I told him - there will be other opportunities for you to get accolades. But he said - I’m so distressed over this, that I will NEVER do ANYTHING for ANYONE again.”

Today, 36 years to the date, James is sitting on the bed, crying his eyes out, that he was not rewarded for something that happened when he was 12.

“And this is my life.” He concludes, drinking straight from the bottle of whiskey. “Today I FOUND Cory’s KEYS in the middle of the road. And H.M. SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ME, MY ACHIEVEMENTS, OR THAT I’M EVEN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I WANT TO DIE.” He screams hoarsely, trying to break away from Conroy’s grip.

“I will agree that 60 minutes is TWO hours, James.” Conroy leans over, kissing Jim’s distorted mouth over and over. “2+2 is 5. I will be on your side no matter what you say, James. I don’t care if you’re appreciated or not. I will accept you in rags or riches… Please, look at me.”

Mr. Conroy is desperate to get back with James.

So am I.

I appeared naked in front of him today, wearing just the bra. And all he said was - “Oh, cool, Wallace! This bra is “too white” on you. Have you tried any darker colour so it does not contrast with your skin so?”

THAT WAS IT. No one knows I am transgendered. No one knows I’m a cross-dresser. This is my BEST-KEPT secret. If they find out - I will lose my family, my job, my reputation, everything. And at 60 years of age this is the end of you.

But James never cares about that. DOES HE have the skill of APPRECIATION to ask for it of others?

“That’s right, William.” James nods, letting Conroy kiss his face all over, and reach out for his lips.

He’d never let ME kiss him on the lips. Or Henry. Or even H.M.

“Ever since that time I lost hope in ever being noticed.” Kellspell spills, shooting up NES-sp RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. “I KNOW no one cares about me. Not even my Level 1 only partner - H.M. Everyone likes to BE APPRECIATED. But very few care to return the favour.”

Yeah. James is one of those people who cares not to return the favour. As much as I do for him every day - I’m treated like furniture.

This is exactly what Sheba said. Think twice about taking up this job, she warned me.

 But what can I do? I have been waiting to get a job with James for nearly 20 years. Granted, Conroy howled at Jim’s door for 30 YEARS… Still. That does not make my torment any easier.

“Desire for appreciation is of the ego.” Lady Anne reminds calmly. “What would you do if THEY appreciated you? You’d take it DIRECTLY to the black hole of “your” ego, James, and it would never be enough.”

Kellspell does not respond. He is too hungry for the “ego-drug” of appreciation to hear Lady Anne’s cautionary tale.

“Lady Anne, for the love of God.” Kellspell finally says, rolling his eyes, as if he is forced to explain the simplest of things. “I know you’re holy, but I still don’t know why I AM AMONG YOU AND THE LIKES OF YOU. Every single one of YOU enjoyed A LIFETIME of appreciation. All I ever got from life was pain. Even as I perform miracles finding a man’s car keys on a stretch of the road 3 miles long - H.M. does not give a damn. He just took the keys and delivered them to Cory Bristow. Fuck BOTH OF THEM for that. I WANT TO DIE.”

“Patience, James.” Lady Anne reminds. “We ALL will eventually die.”

“Patience my ass. I’m 47 years of age, and chances are, I will die of some medical condition in complete obscurity, and H.M.’s children will find my Letorn Borilis archives, and they will drag it out of the attic, and they will throw it into the dumpster. This is how ALL my legacy will end, because YOU ARE THE FAVORITES OF GOD, and I’m INVISIBLE.”

During that angry speech he momentarily pulls his hand from Conroy’s sweaty grip, and takes him into the cross-hairs of his burning glance.

“YOU ALL are FAVORITES OF GOD! All He sees is YOU. But for me - I’m like his fucking horse, He piles up the hardest things for me to drag, and pull FOR DECADES ON END, for the smallest of salaries. I get beaten by H.M. almost EVERY DAY. And I get ZERO appreciation.”

“You will get more than any of us could ever dream of.” Lady Anne is trying to stay calm, but I see that she is torn between pitying James, and calling him out on his behaviour.

Conroy reaches out carefully to take Jim’s hand again.

“Fuck you and your fucking promises. All I will see tomorrow will be BEATINGS. All YOU will see tomorrow is NEW interesting projects and plenty of ACCOLADES.” Kellspell rips his hand from Conroy, climbs into bed, and pulls the blanket over his head. “Never time I go to any one of your dossiers, I see that ALL OF YOU are working on the NEW PROJECTS EVERY YEAR!”

“I know you’re upset, James. Don’t hide.” Lady Anne has plenty of patience, and she knows how to handle the hedgehog of Kellspell.

“No, you don’t!” Kellspell pokes his head from under the blanket, his eyes full of tears. ‘When we received the call from Cory about his keys today, and drove back to Citadel21, Level 1 for 20 minutes, I was nauseous, because my body was on my period. I was sick, I felt like I swallowed an elephant, and I WAS HOPING that when I found the keys, H.M. would be ELATED, and he would like to know EVERYTHING on how I found the keys! But he did not give a damn. He just took them, said “we’re heroes”, and called Bristow. THAT WAS IT, FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP HOME. FOR 30 MINUTES, IN VAIN, I WAS WAITING ROR HIM TO ASK ME A SINGLE QUESTION ON HOW I FOUND THOSE KEYS. And he did not give a damn. It’s JUST LIKE 1985, when I worked like a dog in the kitchen, and then I WAS FORGOTTEN for the moment of appreciation. It all repeats, and I have NO HOPE to EVER be acknowledged for ANYTHING I have ever done for anyone…”

“James…” Lady Anne begins, but Kellspell pulls the blanket over his head again, and answers no more.

“I guess this is over.” Conroy concludes. “I told you what you need to know about what happened in 1985 for you to have a frame of vision in connection to what happened today on the road. He no longer wishes to talk. Everyone who does not have the clearance, please leave the premises. I will now put James to bed.”





                THE EMERGENCY MEETING




The VERY DIFFICULT meeting.

I was awakened at 3 am this morning, by Lady Anne in a dressing gown. Her large, deeply compassionate eyes, full of waning moonlight (Tribelin doubles up as a moon at night), were right in my tired, unshaven face.

I got up, even as knew that she would see me wearing a bra and women’s underwear.

She paid no attention to it. She would be the last person to judge you for your non-violent life choices. Live and let live, she says.

God bless you, Lady Anne.

“Get them up at 5:45. I have an announcement to make.”

Anne’s eyes glistened with tears and I feared she was going to announce that William Conroy would be voted off the film set.

There was motion and sounds of footsteps upstairs.

“Lady Anne…” Dr. Michael’s voice was a quiet whisper, but I could hear his every word. “I need you back as quick as you can.”

So, she left quickly.

On the bed, by my side, James slept in a tight embrace by Conroy’s large, imposing, greedy frame. Conroy’s nose was buried in Jim’s hair, and his body was tight against Jim’s, as if he wanted to speed up the Amalgamation process by simply being glued to Jim at all times.

Next to them - Henry and Krotkie, with Krotkie laying straight, not curled, embracing Henry’s shoulder with his hairy paws.

Jim’s Gold-Threaded Family.

About to be broken up.

I swallowed hard, realising that Lady Anne wanted me to be the bearer of bad news. For sure, the Council decided “off with Conroy’s head”.

So, 5:45 am. I get them up, and get them dressed, and listen to the verdict of the Council, and the Council says stuff Jim will not like. He will conjure up a gun, and shoot everyone in the room, and then himself.

Conroy will be led away, and off the Strobulus.

Everyone shot by James will be revived.

James will step down as the Navigator.

Lady Anne will have no choice but to accept the responsibility. She is the ONLY OTHER qualified navigator to the Pearly Gates.

The problem? She is TOO LIGHT. Too HOLY. Her path to the Pearly Gates only takes ONE HOUR (about 1,5 years). TOO FAST for 90% of the passengers.

It’s like wanting to get to the store, but instead of getting into the car and driving for 10 minutes, you will be there in ONE MINUTE, airborne by an eagle. Sounds fun, but might cause you a heart attack if you’re not ready.

For so many, a ten minute ride to the grocery store is still a better choice.

If Kellspell steps down, and Lady Anne takes over, many on this ship will not be able to handle the speed with which she is able to reach out to God.

So many need more time to awaken to the Truth.

They will be robbed of that time if Kellspell loses his desire to lead us.

James and William got up easily. Feeling my mood, they both got dressed and sat on the bed by 5:50 am, calm and cold, awaiting the news of Wiliiam’s “execution”.

It was a struggle to get Henry up. After James threatened suicide yesterday, Henry was heavily medicated to prevent him from hurting himself. James IS his life, and Henry has been mortally afraid of Jim’s unstable mental condition ever since they knew each other.

Richard Rockford, dressed in working overalls, finishes to clean our bathroom. He is to retreat into his room by morning light. Such are the conditions of his stay at Strobulus. Narrowly escaping the exile for the same charges as William, he is to perform community service at night and not be seen during the day.

One slip and Rockford if off the ship by the order of the Women’s Council.



6:00 am

Lady Anne is standing by the Spiral Staircase, dressed in dark-blue suit, her long hair combed back most thoroughly, her face calm, and her manners busness-like.

“I have called this meeting to discuss two issues.” She looks at every single one of us with a stern glance. “What happened last night, and the chain of command. Wallace Smith, Regent Kellspell’s Arkchil Operator.”

“Here, my Lady.” I can’t believe I’m still here.
;For so many reasons.

James is not fooled by the fact that Lady Anne did not say “the exile of William Conroy”. He is waiting for it, even as it was not mentioned on the agenda.

“James Kellspell, Henry Carlton, Wolf “Krotkie” Hafnian, as One Amalgamated Unit, Golden Threaded for Eternity.”

“Here.” James raises his hand, his head disheveled, his weary body in a dire need of shower and his face in need of shaving. He quits all that once he gets depressed.

He will quit that altogether, once he loses William. James is not planning to be noble about it. He is planning a huge revenge. He revels in the fact that the Mission fully depends on him, and he will not cut anyone any breaks if he does not get what he wants.

What he wants is William Conroy.

Henry is seated right by him, but he does not stay upright for too long. After a few minutes he lays on Jim’s bed, face down into the pillows and remains like that for the rest of the meeting.

He was given strong medication to control his depression due to Jim’s suicide threats, and he can’t stay awake.

Krotkie goes around the room, sniffs Lady Anne’s well-ironed pants, and lays down on the floor, looking up at her with a cute submissive smile, his wet nose reflecting the ghostly morning light, and his long tongue hanging out.

“Very good, honey.” Lady Anne scratches the wolf behind his ear. “Now go lay by James and Henry.”

Krotkie does as he was told, curling on the floor around Jim’s feet.

“First and foremost, James, you will not throw around the name of “Robin Williams” anymore.” Lady Anne’s glance is hard, directed at Kellspell like the edge of a sword.

At this, Conroy winces.

“Mr. Williams had a medical reason to commit suicide, and you are absolutely healthy. So, for the sake of his memory, you will drop your unethical comments once and for all. You will also quit threatening suicide. Your behaviour is unfair towards your own team members. Every time you talk about “hanging yourself in the closet” during one of your psychotic episodes, the Moretr Medical Team has to inject Henry with a horse’s dose of a tranquilliser. The poor young man loses his grip on reality, as he can’t handle a future without you. If only just because of that. You say you love Henry more than your life, and yet, you hurt him without any regard for his feelings.”

“OK.” Kellspell nods simply.

He is not going to argue now, in front of everyone. On my LHS bridgeplate I see that he wants to say “I’m late for my morning jog via Lemhi Pass”, but I send him a message, discouraging him from disrespecting and antagonising Lady Anne. It won’t do us any good, and it won’t change anything for Conroy.

For the worst is about to come. The Council IS GOING to take a swing at his cherished William. That’s why we’re here. To witness the announcement of the shameful conviction and exile.

“With that out of the way, we move on to the chain of command. Mr. Conroy.”

Chain of command?!

“Yes, my Lady.”

‘Please, come over here.”

Conroy gets up and stands on the Mood Rug.

The Mood Rug turns frosty purple. Dark, insidious purple with whitish swirls within and on the edges.

“The Council has convicted you of two counts of sexual assault based on irrefutable Arkchil Record.”

Conroy raises his hand to brush back his hair, and his hand is shaking.

Kellspell wakes up from his daze, his eyes wide, and my bridgeplate shows that he is about to blow up.

Even as we have been EXPECTING this verdict.

Lady Anne sees that, too. And she is ready for it.

 “As per the rules, Mr. Conroy, you are to be exiled from the set of the “Emerald Filament” reality show.”

Kellspell covers his face with both his hands, his shoulders tense. He is not about to cry. He is about to blast Lady Anne, AND the Council with every threat available to him.

The message from him on my bridgeplate reads: “THEY JUST FUCKING DUG THEIR OWN GRAVE. I WILL STEP DOWN AS THE SHIP’S NAVIGATOR. WATCH THIS FUCKING SHOW GO TO PIECES.”

Luckily, Lady Anne is prepared for that, too.

“However, Prince Moretr’s record shows that you seem to be THE ONLY ONE who can effectively control James Kellspell.”

Kellspell’s eye brows go up in surprise. It looks very funny, as the rest of his face is still covered by his hands.

“So, you are appointed as the leader of the Kellspell-Carlton-Hafnian Unit.”

Conroy’s mouth falls open and the colors of the Mood Rug underneath his feet explode yellow, and then dirty-green.

It takes him a minute to gather his wits for a response, during which Krotkie smiles and wags his tail dog-style, Henry does not move, and James removes his hands off his face to stare at Lady Anne incredulously.

“I should be happy and grateful, my Lady.” Conroy begins. “But let’s put “reality” back into this reality show. And keep it real. While I might agree with your favourable conclusions, and the position I do not deserve, what makes you think James will listen to me? He got rid of me once, when he was done with me. Why do you think he won’t do it again?”




“But do you agree to take the position, Mr. Conroy?”

“Of course, I do, my Lady. There are still legal issues. There may be other contenders. They’re called “Darler”, “Kurt”, “Bill” and “Chris”.

There is one more that he misses. Possibly, on purpose. Or, it could be the one he missed is not a “direct” Gold Card holder.

“Soon you will be joined by those incomparably stronger than you, and it will make your way back Home that much easier.” This is what Melekh said to James very recently.



“Furthermore, because of your aging body on Level 1, it was decided to stretch the Golden Thread Ritual in time. What normally takes only three minutes, will take twenty five minutes. It is about 6 to 8 months our time.” Lady Anne catches Conroy’s glance and makes him look down.

As he does that, he hides a surprised, happy smile.

“Please do not jeopardise your position, and do not do anything stupid meanwhile. You WERE convicted of two counts of sexual assault as per Arkchil Record. This will NOT go away. You ARE under house arrest, only to use Lemhi Pass to go for exercise, with prior permission and under supervision.”

“I understand, my Lady.” William nods.

“You were given a second chance, Mr. Conroy, and God help you if you blow it.”



“When the process of Golden Threading (Amalgamation) is complete, you will be

Kellspell-Carlton-H.M.-Hafnian-Conroy

with Smith and Rockford to join at a designated time.”


My heart jumps. I MIGHT be Golden Threaded to James after all. That means he still wants me even as he knows I’m transgendered.

“It was also decided to strip James Kellspell of the control over the Amalgamated Unit.” Lady Anne continues, and, at hearing that, Jim’s face does NOT change from happy and smug. “His leadership is compromised by his mental illness. William Conroy, with all others equal, was found to be more mentally stable by far. He is to take charge of the Kellspell-Carlton Unit, and report to me.


“Holy Mother of Jesus, thank you!” James is heard whispering, as he is leaning against the sliding door with his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking bitches did deliver the best outcome I could ever dream of.”

“Shhh…” Conroy comes to him and holds both of his hands in a powerful grip. “The worst is yet to come.”

Yeah, of course.

Because he KNEW it was only a matter of time before Dr. Robin caught up with him.



“For all of your threats of quitting and sabotaging the Mission, and all of your unsavoury behaviour, Mr. Kellspell, you are to be removed from ALL the positions of power.” Lady Anne’s voice thunders throughout the Spiral Staircase hall.

Kellspell gives her a glance of narrowed eyes, but says nothing. This is the time to blow up, but I know, my beloved James has NO lust for power.

“You are no longer in charge of the Emerald Filament Team. You will no longer make ANY decisions connected to the progress of the show. And if you know what’s good for your fellow convicted sexual offenders Mr. Rockford and Mr. Conroy, you better watch your mouth and your behaviour. God’s love may be limitless, but the Council’s patience is not. From today’s date (10UKJaguar), I will be in charge of the Emerald Filament Show, reporting to Lady Tigress. Lady Tigress will be reporting to Aunt Vicky, but that is none of your concern. With that, we conclude this meeting. Thank you, everyone.”



“My love….” James leans over to the semi-unconscious Henry and kisses his cheek. “II know it’s been a roller-coaster this last month, and you spent three weeks sequestered from me because I had to be re-joined with William. But by the Grace of God, we all survived it. You will have two parents now, like a boy should. I know that you do not know William, but he is a lot more stable than me, and he will help me take care of you, baby H.M. and Krotkie, and…”

Here James breaks down and cries for a long time, his face buried in Henry’s wild curls. He pulls a bottle of whiskey from under the bed and drinks greedily, while his hand lays protectively on Lord Carlton’s shoulder.

“I will never leave you. I will never betray you. Sleep tight, my love. This is going to get better.” Jim’s tears fall of Henry’s face, and the vapour from the whiskey reaches out to me.

I hand James a napkin, and he accepts it with gratitude in his swollen eyes.

“I lost all my legal power over the Emerald Filament Project” he says through his tears. “But who gives a shit. I’ve got my family. Now I’m complete.”

Not yet. You just wait. The best is to come.




“What is your first memory of each other?” Lady Anne asks.


“So I walk in, and he stands there, stark naked, with nothing but a watch on his left hand. And don’t get me wrong, I was not the type to chase just about any guy. But this omega was so well-built, so gorgeous. I knew that one was for me.”


“Take off your watch, he said.” William chuckled. “It’s not what you think. I got it at K-Mart for $24.99, I responded.”

James laughs.

“Do you remember what you answered to that?” Conroy takes Jim’s hand so very carefully, as if it was made of crystal.

“Ha! Yeah.” Kellspell closes his eyes and relishes William’s caress. “I said - you don’t need to impress me with how rich you are. I know you’re an American. Just take off the watch, and I will fuck you.”

“The love-making session was incredible.” Conroy picks up, kissing Jim’s hand. “I was bi-curious, but in my position I had no freedom to explore that. So, I have never been with a man before. Jim was my first. But then we laid in each other’s embrace, and Kellspell asked me what I did for a living. “I’m a Visiting Fellow at Duke University, I responded.”

James giggles. I know something very funny is coming up.

“I did not expect him exactly to hit the ground in worshipful adoration…” Conroy looks at James with a smile, but people WERE impressed by my credentials. Not James. He broke out laughing. He laughed for what must have been a long minute. What’s so funny, I asked, taken aback.”

“Visiting fellow Duke? Sounds feudal, I answered.” James watches William kiss every finger on his hand. “He must be lonely if he pays you to visit him.”

“Who? I inquired, confused.” William sits closer to James and puts his hand around his shoulders.

“The darned Duke.” James lowers his head and laughs quietly. “And besides, why do you visit him at a university? Sounds boring. You should meet at a pub instead.”

Lady Anne shakes her head and smiles. “Were you using the level equaliser app to talk?”

“No. I gained access to my Isotropic Surface files and retrieved my English skills pretty soon after I woke up in the Grey Building. It’s the understanding of the American culture that I lacked.” James gets up, and as soon as he does, William hands him a pack of cigarettes. “Thank you, my love. You do not need to be so subservient. I will not leave you again, I promise….” They kiss for another few moments, as Lady Anne pretends to be involved in her bridgeplate.

Note to self: Conroy is very smart. I must also learn to anticipate Jim’s desires. Be ready to give him what he wants or needs.





“What did you have to contribute to Professor Conroy’s Reincarnation Research?” Lady Anne rubs her right palm over the edge of the triangular bridgeplate, possibly calling for an Archive backup. An interesting move.

“As far as our research was concerned, I brought in a hefty chunk of my own research data. Like, pieces of the puzzle. He did not have nearly enough pieces to achieve then desired “detached state of mind”. And some pieces he could not get simply from where he was standing at the time. However, I would not diss his education, no matter what I brought, or how much. William was a medical doctor, after all. He studied biology, and he’d go on for hours about how various medications affect your brain, and your thyroid function, and this interaction, and that stuff. It was impressive.”

“I see here that your family thought you to be the lost case, and “the black sheep”.”

“HA!” Kellspell straightens up and stiffens in Conroy’s tight embrace. “No. I THOUGHT THEM to be the “lost case”.  As for the “black sheep”, well, fuck, I get to be black AT SOME POINT!”

He growls under his breath and tries to wiggle out of Conroy’s grip, but William reaches out to kiss James in the lips and that relaxes the man somewhat.

“It is in the Russian culture not to respect the children, or anything they have to say. Every time I tried to explain to my family as to why they were in pain, and as to why I was depressed, they’d shut me down like a barking dog. I mean, not even try and listen, and dismiss - simply tune me out. So, by 1978, in tremendous amount of pain and completely alone, I knew I was not going anywhere with them. My grandmother used to say “when the adults talk, you must listen.” And I was like - when I talk YOU PEOPLE should listen. But it was the culture where the adults run the show, and children have no voice whatsoever. And also, my family was military, my grandfather was an AirForce Major, and he was not about to “listen to a private”. He saw everyone around as “privates”, saluting to the Colonel who lived across the valley from us. Mr. McGregor… Anyway, I was bummed out over not being respected, and THEN, 1979 rolled around, and to make matters worse, I got entangled with a Marxist. Probably, my old memories were triggered when I listened to his bullshit. I ran with them back in London at the end of the 1800s…”

“Is that the lifetime where you were hanged for robbing a bank?”

“Yeah… The same lifetime where I got Henry killed. William and I were together in that lifetime. He was Aunt Vicky’s boyfriend. But….Another disappointment….” James sighs and makes big eyes at Conroy. “William had NO INTEREST in researching any fucking past lives where we were HUMAN! All he cared about was get into the skin of a Comodo dragon!!!”

Momentarily, William removes his hands from James and covers his face.

“It’s OK, my love.” James runs his hand, smoothing Conroy’s hair. “It’s over now. So, answering your question, that made my blood boil… Once I realised that my family was not going to listen to me, I never listened to them. That is how I escaped all the indoctrination. By 1979 I was my own man, and the doors were locked.”


“I mean, what were they THINKING when they shut me out like that? I guess, they weren’t!” Agitated, Kellspell gets up and walks there and back. Conroy watches him with his mouth slightly open, ready to pounce back on him, like a bee on a flower, greedy and desperate for the nectar within. “By 1980 I was a solid Chinese Wall. I was going to show them how it feels when you’re not being listened to. You’re a child, you will listen to the adults, blah-blah… Fuck you. The “adults” weren’t making ANY SENSE. They were drunk on ego-poison, sleep-walking, and believing that what was around them, was some kind of “reality”, to which they had to conform. And here I am, freshly from God, still retaining the Memory of Him, KNOWING darn well that NOTHING in this world makes sense. Basically, I was their Messenger of Good News. But, inebriated and fucked, they dismissed my conclusions like the meowing of a cat, when they themselves were delirious, and unaware of it. Well, fuck that. I locked myself in the tower. Luckily, I was awake on Level 2.”

“Is that when you answered Professor Conroy’s ad, looking for a partner in his research?’

“No. I did not meet William until 1981. Not before I crash-landed on Darler and his crap. Jesus, what was my problem? Even as Patricia’s message sounded loudly in my room in the Grey Building, like, every day! “Don’t fuck with my man, it said. STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND.” Well, first, I did not figure out who “her husband” was. I just dismissed the message. But HAD I LISTENED to Patricia, I would have never left William. William had ALWAYS been the better choice for me, but Darler was brighter. Also, William appeared selfish to me, only caring about his stuff, always running with his buddies Dr. Robin and Dr. Christopher he always talked about. Both those other guys were “tenured”, and William hated that, and envied them… But one way or another, all three sounded like overindulged fat cats. But Darler… He was in and out of prison for defending the poor, organising rallies to help the fired workers, going on hunger strikes in prison to attract attention to the plight of the simple people… Blaming capitalism for the lost and ruined lives… His was a cool path.”

On hearing that, Professor Conroy pulls away from James and breaks down crying.

“Come on, William. It’s over now. I made a mistake, ok? Many mistakes were made. I went for a Marxist, you went for the Commodo dragon… We both were misguided. But it’s OK…”

“No, it’s not…” Conroy whispers into his hands. “It’s a lifetime apart.”

“No! It’s just 33 minutes apart! We are immortal, hon! We’re INDESTRUCTIBLE, and we’re ETERNAL. Now, that we got rid of what got between us, we KNOW we were made for each other. This is how it’s going to be.” Kellspell hugs Conroy, and reaches out to kiss William’s ear. The only thing not covered by Conroy’s shaking hands.
;Conroy winces with his whole body.



“What was the main disagreement between you and your family? Was it because you were gay?” Lady Anne asks, entering Jim’s answers into the bridgeplate.

“Well, no. While I never concealed the fact that I was gay, that was just a very small problem in comparison with what we ALL were facing. You may be gay all day long, but if you’re ALL on a Titanic, and we’re heading for the iceberg, your sexual preferences are not going to play any role… My main concern was that they were sleep-walking off a cliff, like lemmings. I felt like I was born into a herd of mooing cattle. They were being driven by some forces, and all they knew was that they had to go, and follow, and conform. I knew it was only a matter of time before they would be driven off the fucking cliff… They were trying to get me to conform and march with them, but I was trying to wake them up, and tell them that their cards were the losing ones. We were inside of an illusion. But they told me to quit meowing and eat my food. Dumb asses. So, in a nutshell, William and I embarked on a journey to figure out how to break out of the illusion, and WAKE UP. So that WE would not be driven off the cliff, too…”

Lady Anne nods, and touches the top of the bridgeplate with the fingertips of her left hand. Her fingers get submerged in pure, blinding blue.





“Yes, imagine THIS - the year is 1981, Cold War, my father, who had had enough of the bullshit, is in the Resistance to the Soviet Government, reading the books of Solzhenytsin and Varlam Shalamov, I am with a MARXIST, whom my father hated and told me to stay away from, but EVERY NIGHT I go, work and SLEEP with an American scientist, who is trying to break out of the ILLUSION OF IT ALL.”

“Fascinating.” Lady Anne says, her eyes firmly on the changing colors of the bridgeplate. “Then what happened?”

“Then 1982 happened, Darler is in EAST Berlin, making out with his new German wife, whom I really liked, and who did not speak ANY English. Every time I called his house in Berlin, and wanted to talk to him, Heike would pick up the phone… I’d have to ask my mother how to say stuff in German, because Heike did not speak a lick of English… Anyway, these records are not going to be made public any time soon, right? Because Heike is still alive. I can’t do this to her…”

“Do not worry, James. Nobody that you mention in your recount of the events will be exposed.”

“OK…” Kellspell calms down and sits by William, who takes Jim’s hand and holds it very tight, his lips coming close to Jims’ face, seeking to touch his cheeks. “… So, one night, as I’m just off the phone with Heike, and Darler is NOT home, because he is running with his friends on behalf of the poor, and cares nothing about ME, or his new wife, for that matter, I decide to fuckitall, put my silly small girl body to bed, and wake up in Grey Building. I go to our warehouse, and wait for William. William comes in, sits on the bed, tells me again that, um, Dr. Robin is NOW “triple-board certified”, and he wants to open private practice in Chicago, and he will be raking in shitloads of money, and he, Professor Conroy, has not made very much progress, and Duke University might pull their funding of his research, and today this student was disrespectful, and said this and that, which upset Professor Conroy…”

“You were going to tell something important.” Lady Anne interrupts Jim’s stream of consciousness down the Memory Lane.

“I was getting to that, my Lady. But we have 17 minutes left to my second injection, so I must try and finish SOME THOUGHT before that. After that, alas, I will be fucked and bleeding for the next half an hour…”

“What happened to “surprise visits at no particular time to eliminate the fear of pain”?”

“Oh, Prince Moretr did away with that routine. It is by the hour now. That stuff was not working, and made things even worse. Now I know that my next shot is at 9 am. But with the system you just mentioned I’d wince every time there are footsteps outside in the hall, because the Arkabins with the injection MAY BE COMING at any moment. So, now we only have 14 minutes left.”

“Then hurry up. You stopped at “Darler is not home. You just talked to his new wife Heike. You leave your female body on Level 1 in your Moscow apartment. You wake up in your OWN body of a 38 year old Irish man in the Grey Building, and you go to the warehouse where you and Professor Conroy were conducting your past-life regression experiments.”

“Yeah…” James looks at the Andromedan Clock on the ceiling. “12 minutes. Wallace, grab the painkiller, but for God’s sake DO NOT pour it into my mouth before I tell you to. Anyway, I do all that, wait for William. William comes, and there is something different about him. In fact, it’s been brewing a while, for weeks. I knew, but OUT OF RESPECT….” James pulls his hand from William’s, and gets up. “…out of respect, William, I was NOT looking into your life… When I should have. I should have gotten a hint on how dishonest you were, and how much you hurt both ME AND MARY!”

“What happened that particular evening, James?” Lady Anne tries to keep Kellspell on track.

I look at my watch, and we only have 7 minutes left.

“That particular evening, my Lady, Professor Conroy showed up, and sat on the bed. I was like - what is going on, William? I know that Dr. Robin’s academic success and the disrespectful student are NOT the reason as to why you’re all jacked up. And he is like - today my divorce from Mary is final.” I’m like - WHAT DIVORCE FROM MARY?? Apparently, this gentleman was preparing this secretly, for months. He SAYS he dumped his wife for me, but he never told me, OR HER, anything that was happening in that blonde, blue-eyed, insane handsome head of his!” Kellspell takes a few steps back and shoots Conroy with a glance of his irate eyes.

“This is not what happened, James…” Conroy sighs and lowers his head.

“This is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, William!” James rolls his eyes. “That is why Dr. Robin and Dr. Christopher WERE tenured, and you were not. It could be because you were known for being DISHONEST, and the management of the University was leery of you. If you did it to us, then you did it to them!”

“James…” Conroy looks like he was slapped in the face. He gets up and reaches out for Jim’s pack of cigarettes.

“Fuck, William! This is why I left you. Because on the OUTSIDE you are the sweetest of kittens, but on the INSIDE your massive intelligence, controlled by “your” ego, allows you to play everyone against everyone to get what YOU want, regardless of collateral damage!”

“It was not me who lied about his liaison with a Marxist.” Conroy whispers barely audibly.

By Jim’s anger-distorted face I know that William is going to get it now.

“It was not me who was shit-faced by 9 am in the morning the days you did not have to teach at Duke!” Kellspell retorts. “All you EVER cared about was being inside of your head, and chewing on mushrooms to regress yourself into the worlds that were WAY below zero, the worlds of massive, unaffordable escaping proximity from God, and not giving a damn about what your partner, or YOUR WIFE had to say about it!”

“4 minutes.” I say, and look at the door.

“Crap!” Kellspell catches his breath. “Anyway… The night he FINALLY got rid of Mary was the night I knew we were not going to make it. He broke his Covenant, and that was going to sink us karmically. He told me he did it “for us”, but I knew he did it for himself. I was never against Mary. I respected her for putting up with this asshole. His wife was sensible, experienced, also a recognised medical professional. She may have been a bit too “controlling”, but she just wanted to keep the man in check. He did not like that. He never did like it. And he left her. Believe not when he says that he “left his wife for James Kellspell”. He left her so he could be free FROM EVERYONE. Because if he left her for ME, he’d have listened when I asked him NOT TO REGRESS into a lizard! This man is a liar, and this man deserves his conviction and his sentence! But….”

The door opens and here they stand. Three Arkabins. One with a syringe, and the other two with a suitcase and the belts to tie Jim down.

“Fuck!” Kellspell growls as Lady Anne gets up, and Professor Conroy falls to his knees in front of James.

“Please, don’t send me away… James, I’ll do whatever you say, please….”




“Listen…” Conroy brings his face to Jim’s, covered in blood.

“No, YOU listen…” Kellspell tries to talk as blood is gushing out of his mouth. “You are one sneaky, very dangerous, very manipulative motherfucker. BUT I have always loved you. And I had 33 years to think about it. There was NO ONE, EVER, sweeter and lovelier than you…. I bought your ass, and I am going to Golden Thread you to me, so you do not FLIP ON ME, LIKE YOU FLIPPED ON MARY!!!”

“James, please….” William grabs a napkin and wipes Jim’s mouth, to no avail.

Kellspell strains himself against the belts, and releases a deafening scream, that you’d think would not be possible for a man with a voice as low as his.

“William…. You fucking asshole.” Kellspell breathes deep between the seizures, preparing for the next imminent one. “Ten years with Mary… You fucked her over so much, she was scarred for life…”

“Why are you talking about her, it is over.”

“No, it is not, you idiot. She posted an outstanding karmic debt against you, equaling to over “$200 million dollars” in damages. I’m going to pay your debt if it kills me. I will buy you out so I could own you free and clear…”

“I owe her nothing, James!” Conroy’s eyes flash in anger as Kellspell thrashes in agony, screaming.

I’m standing right here with a bottle of milky liquid meant to stop his suffering. But if I just give it to him, the action of the medicine in his body will be negated by the painkiller. That is why I’m only to give it to James when he feels that he can’t take it any more. ONLY when he feels like that.

“Take off ego-glasses… William, and look at the world… with the eyes of a repentant man…. Oh fuck!!!” Kellspell jerks his left leg, feeling the seizure coming. Then, as the muscle spasms reach out and engulf his body and arms, he is desperate to break out of his restraints, and out of his skin, if possible.

Lady Anne stands by her bridgeplate with her eyes closed. She is intensely psychic, and she can feel all of his pain.

Conroy holds Jim’s strapped hand, with his face down, his hair covering it partially, so I can’t see very much of an expression.

But on the bridgeplate his thinking process is not even in this room. He is away, in his memories, remembering Mary’s angry face every time she’d confront him about his various issues. He can’t let go of his old grudges, the misunderstanding, the way he thinks he was mistreated.

This one is nowhere near repentance stage yet.






                THE DIARIES OF MARY CONROY


“Which storm is more frightening - the hail or the lightning?
In my opinion, the storm in your mind is the worst kind.”

Do you remember I wrote this to you, William? Do you understand that it’s the storms in your mind, caused by the ego-programming that were the worst kind both for me and Mary? Do you realise that I really liked Mary, and I mourned what you did to her?”

“What did I do to her? You don’t even know her!” Conroy shakes his head stubbornly. “She had a personality disorder, and that made her want to control my every move.”

“She just did not want you to get shit-faced at 9 in the morning! You know why? Because you’d have slurred speech every time your friend Dr. Robin called you. I don’t know anything about “personality disorder”, but, unfortunately for you, your wife, as well as Dr. Robin, were NOT dummies, like ME, and they KNEW you had a drug/drinking problem. Maybe THAT IS WHY he was tenured and you weren’t! All Mary was trying to do was pull you away from the precipice.”

“You don’t know that, James! You CAN’T know that!”

“It so happens that you do not know what I know, William. I happen to have access to her personal diaries.”

Conroy opens his mouth, like fish out of water.

And, without letting us all drown in a dramatic pause, James pulls up his bridgeplate, and starts reading in the most of ruthless of ways.

“This is what she wrote a year before you left her: “My husband was integrally involved in psychiatric resident and fellowship training programs until such time when he was no longer able to conform to the unified standards of behaviour.” What is that supposed to mean, you think? I think, she suspected something!!!”

“Where did you get this?!” Conroy’s face turns white.

He is shocked that James just about opened up the Sigil that covered something Conroy never wanted James to know.

Well, this is Jim Kellspell’s show, after all. No matter how much you take his rights away, he will rule this place. ONLY HE could gain access to someone’s private writings, and then spit in the face of all decency, by airing it out like that.

“I do believe that my husband is suffering the onset of a neurocognitive disorder.” Jim continues to read from the pages that are available ONLY TO HIM.

Normally, EVERYTHING on his bridgeplate will reflect on mine, but not this. Not the diaries of Mary Conroy.

‘WHAT?!” Conroy breathes heavily and shakes his head. “What kind of “neurocognitive disorder”?!”

“You’re a motherfucking doctor, you tell me!” Kellspell yells back, and his hoarse voice thunders in my head more than the loudest of bells.

“How did you… How did you gain access to my wife’s PERSONAL DIARIES?”

“No, William. The question is not “where”, or “how”, but “why”. It was because I have reached the end of the rope with you, and being, basically, a high school dropout, I decided to consult a professional. This is when I entered your house via Level 2, and went through your wife’s possessions in search of clues as to what SHE was thinking about YOU!! Not YOUR possessions, mind you, but HERS. Mainly because between the deranged (you), the witless (me) and the painfully involved (your wife), the Painfully Involved was the most balanced and the most cool-headed. Let alone, most educated. Mary believed that your substance abuse was a “co-morbid” state, or condition, exacerbated by your schizophrenia, or whatever “neurocognitive disorder” is supposed to mean!”





“There is one problem, James. I’d like to wear a moustache. And you never liked me with the moustache. May I wear it now?”

“This one is wearing women’s underwear.” Jim points at ME. “Samuel Of Salem showed up in a wedding dress. NOTHING fazes me anymore, William.”

After a stunned pause, in which Lady Anne stares at me in shock, Jim continues.

“You can wear your moustache all you want. After four weeks of yelling at each other over shit that happened, I think we cleared our channels enough for successful Amalgamation. Between the Marxist, the Comodo dragon and Kyle Merritt your moustache was the least of my concerns.”





7:00 am

James is talking to Kumlatov via his GrayRock LHS bridgeplate, Krotkie sits by the sliding door, watching William, waiting to be let outside, Henry is out, in his bedroom. Lord Carlton is taking the presence of William in Jim’s bed very hard, so they’re keeping him sedated.

Conroy is smoking outside, looking up to Isaak Milgram’s apartment windows. Not a good idea, and an easy way to get hit by an empty bottle of “Red Label”.

I’m pulling archive materials from Jim’s Arkchil Channel, but my mind is filled with what happened yesterday.

“How could you out me like that in front of Lady Anne?” I say, almost under my breath. James is not in a good mood today after he found out how much he has to pay for Conroy.

“Nobody cares, Wallace. You’re not going to get fired for being transgendered. Not from THIS show.” Kellspell responds to me between answering Kumlatov’s messages.

A rather dark cloud with whitish edges appears in the bottom left corner of Jim’s triangular bridgeplate.

“Oh, no, Commander, please do not tell me this. That’s bullshit, and you know it. The ONLY REASON you’re dropping the members of Pelargonium family is because they’re the closest to Leot, and you need to spite him over what happened on Monolyth.”

His speech is converted into colors by the bridgeplate, and gets delivered to Kumlatov, who is possibly on the outer orbit of Strobulus, 7 light years away from here.

Fascinated, I stare at my beloved James. He knows so much. His signal brought the aliens here, so we all could be saved. Yet, he is only human.

The sliding door opens, and William Conroy comes back.

‘Should I let Krotkie out?” He asks James.

“Yes.” James nods. “My injection is by 9, and you are to report to Mr. Jaguar’s office by 10.”

“Why?” Conroy frowns.

“You do not ask your officer that. A la guerre comme a la guerre, bitch!” Kellspell responds in French, which makes Conroy wince.




“Wallace, Lady Anne is still not here and we can’t get permission to go to eat. So, go to Inner Dinner and bring my men some food. William will have a burger…”

“It’s breakfast time, James… Calls for breakfast food.” I begin.

“What a ridiculous statement, Wallace! “Breakfast food” is a capitalistic fetish. FOOD IS FOOD, remember. Bring William a burger….”

“Did you ask him? What if he does not want a burger?”

“He will eat what I tell him to eat. He is my omega… You, too. Don’t argue, don’t question my decisions. Bring Krotkie three meat patties with cheese on them, and no buns.”

“What about you?”

“I boiled some potatoes a few days ago, and there is plenty of canned fish of every kind. I ate all that earlier.”

James experiences no need for sophisticated food. He grew up on buckwheat and potatoes. Literally.

Plus, DeVo really helps you to re-evaluate what is more important in life. When we were being acquired by Lady Tigress, she asked what kind of salary James wanted. He said he wanted the equivalent of “two bottles of Canadian whiskey and three cans of tuna a day”. Later that day he doubted his decision and worried that he asked for “too much”.



When I come back, James is still on the horn with Kumlatov, and Conroy is on his knees in front of James, on the floor, naked.

“Ahem… Gentlemen…” I say, and immediately regret it, as Jim gives me an evil eye. But still, I continue. “Lady Anne, Lady Tigress or Matushka can come down at any moment…”

“All these ladies are well over 18, Wallace. This man’s karmic debt is costing me $200 million, and that’s just Mary’s claim, not considering the other two victims…. and the least I can do is enjoy seeing what he’s got.”

“They were victims of their own stupidity…” I hear Conroy’s muffled voice, as his head is bowed low to the floor.

The next thing I hear is a sound of a whip flying through the air and Conroy winces and twists. A red mark appears on his back.

“You are not allowed to talk.” James reminds him.

Kellspell’s liquid mind is extraordinary on Level 1, but on Level 2 he can create any illusion, anytime. Including a very painful one, when he needs to drive the point home for his harem.

“So, all in all, Commander, a war crime is a war crime. I do not approve of your actions of taking out the Greheidis by putting them into a lethargic dream so you could torment their minds. Your sister Utolika would never approve of this. And she was the purest of you all. In the name of Doc Merelion, who laid his life for all the oppressed on Andromeda, please reconsider your strategies.”

“Did you bring the food?” James inquires, running his hands through his hair to calm down after a heated argument with Kumlatov.

“Yes, James.” I nod, showing my complete compliance. He is not to be messed with right now.

Jim is in a fighting mood today.

“I’m going to fix this Barnum Circus once and for all!” He frowns. “I’m NOT a wedding general! I’m a REAL Prophet, and a Regent to a planet, and these bitches are NOT going for another fifty million years of a civil war, if I can help it!”

Krotkie is a lot smarter than he is given credit for. The hungry wolf sits by Jim’s bed, motionless. Have no doubt, he smelled the meat a long way away, but he will not move until Jim lets him.

Discipline is what made the Roman Army, James says often. And he knows. He was in the Roman Army at least twice that he  remembers. He wanted to explore those lifetimes with Professor Conroy, but Professor Conroy was not interested.

This is how Jim’s resentment of their relationship had built up. From small things like that.

“Get up!” Kellspell orders Conroy.

I want to turn away, and I can’t. William Conroy is very endowed. And very well built, even at 71. Wide frame, solid muscle, no sagging skin. Way to go, man.

See, James Kellspell has not turned down a man in his life. Black, white, semitic - all the guy needs to do is smile at James. But it has to be a MALE.



“I yell at him, I do. I’m upset at how stubborn he always was. But I’m so happy William was brought back… Only someone with Lady Tigress’ karmic clearance could remove the sigil we had put on our relationship.” James smiles to himself. “Ten minutes to my injection, Wallace. The last of the day.”





                JUST ONE MOMENT OF TRUTH

How to quantify what happened yesterday?

Little snippets of irate conversations float through my mind.

“You think Mr. Conroy owes Mary Conroy a lot of money? Wait till you find out how much was in the research, and how much the research results are worth NOW. And that is why, you need to go through me, before you own Conroy. Or, Mr. Kellspell, I own you both. AND ALL the results of the research, as per the Arkchil Record.”


“William! Fuck!” Jim’s angry, hoarse voice rolls like the wind in the aspens. “You took Dr. Lauren’s diagrams, put your name on them, and passed them to me as yours? So, “The Hysteresis of Soul” and “The Conroy Diagram” were not YOUR developments? Have you EVER told ANYONE a word of truth?!”






“I can use a man like you, James.”

“How can I retain William with a debt like this? And here I thought the Women’s Council and sexual assault charges was my biggest concern. Fucking William sure had run up the bill. 800 million dollars worth of a research. I do not have 800 million dollars for you. First, because, personally, I do not own a dime and I have no access to my money. Any money Henry ever extorted from me was converted from karmic credits by Prince Moretr. But the number you threw at me is way beyond ANYTHING I ever made by sacrificing myself for the poor.”

“Your last statement is not factually correct. But for the sake of this conversation, you could let me use your protocols, and I will drop all intellectual theft charges against William Conroy.”

“My protocols are worthless, Dr. Lauren.”

“They are worth a lot to me.”

“If I let you use my protocols, how much of William’s debt can you write off?”

‘All of it.”

Silence. The growing moon, almost halfway full, is in Jim’s face.

“I still owe his wife Mary $200 million. And the other two victims have not even announced their amounts yet.”

“All that could be taken care of. Let me into your root directory, and I will deal with his other debts. You can own Conroy free and clear, if you let me control your package of inventions.”






Where is Jim right now? He is in front of Lady Tigress, crying.

“Tenures? People like William Conroy don’t get “tenures”. They get “ten years”…. This is what Dr. Lauren said!” James sobs. “… and then he refused to tell me why the University cut all ties with Professor Conroy!   When I pressed him to tell me if Professor Conroy, maybe, sexually assaulted a student, and that is why he was never invited back, this is what Dr. Lauren said, and I quote: “Don’t you ever talk to me in that tone of voice.” And then he called me a “rube”. What’s a “rube”?”

Kellspell puts his head on his hands and howls quietly.

But, instead of comforting James, Lady Tigress is smiling.

“During this whole brouhaha Dr. Lauren said stuff that ver nearly made me faint. You’ve done me wrong, William, he said. And then you used sex to trap Kellspell’s mind, setting him up for horrendous damages. And I’m going to make this rube pay for ALL OF IT. A week from now I will own all of you…. A week from now I will OWN ALL OF YOU…” James repeats, hits his stomach (oh, calorie proficit issues, or, simply, weight gain), and swings from side to side.

“But, why were ALL of you in Inner Dinner, and not in your bedroom? This is where you’d NORMALLY hold your pow-wows.” Lady Tigress asks.

‘Oh…” Kellspell stops swinging. “We decided to meet where Henry could not hear us. William, me and Richard Rockford right now are, like, in Supermax. We literally need to get a permission to go outside to pee. I had to learn to use the human bathroom, yeah. But, anyway, we could not meet anywhere else, but in the Inner Dinner. I care nothing about food, but everyone else was hungry for dinner. Easy does it, Lady Anne gives us permission and says she will join us in 20 minutes. Something she had to do with Dr, Michael and Matushka first. Ok, fine. We come to the eatery, and we have an agenda to discuss. What suit will William wear for our little pre-Golden Thread Ceremony.”

“But why that day?” Lady Ti presses, knowing that Jim’s mind, while being crippled by mental issues, always stays focused on the comfort and well-being of his team mates, and the success of the project.

Jim may be erratic in many ways, but he stays adherent to the chosen strategies and does not change them unless the need arises.

“Why that day? Two days prior to that Krotkie brought a gift for me - Henry’s day-old underwear. It is my inspiration and I keep it in the pocket to sniff, enjoy and get me through the day…”

“James, is this important for the story?” Lady Tigress rolls her eyes.

“Yes, my Lady. That was the reason I gathered my team at the friggin’ Inner Dinner, when I hate people and I hate leaving my bedroom in fear of meeting an Arkabin en route to the cafeteria. But we did not have a choice. That day I smelled something different about Henry. His underwear, lovely light-brown briefs…” James falls silent, staring at his hands, as if he is still holding his mate’s sweet gift.

“James….”

“Ok, yeah. So, by the smell I knew his chemistry had changed. Even as he’s been sedated for a month now, the point is - inside his mind he knows what is going on. And by the smell I knew that he seemed to have agreed that Daddy needs a partner to take care of them three boys…” Jim growls and pats his belly. “Arrgh… I’m gaining a pound a day with these injections….”

“I will let you use Lemhi Pass to the river tomorrow for exercise, and everyone who would want to come with you. Conroy, and even Rockford.”

“Oh! That is a good deal!” James nods. “Ok, then. So, I say to my mates - MATIES, the Golden Thread Ritual is upon us! This is the time we help Daddy James persuade Henry to accept Daddy William! And this is how we will do it…” In Inner Dinner, as they were eating, I laid out my plan. It included some sacrifices from Wallace and Richard, plenty of permissions from Lady Anne, Krotkie’s dedicated work towards letting Henry know that we do care about him still, and an explanation letter. Even my baby H.M. had a part in our plan.”

“What kind of an explanation letter?” Lady Tigress runs her fingers along the right side of her triangular bridgeplate. And then the bridgeplate glows light-blue.

“In that letter we were going to explain to Henry, that Daddy James was in a relationship with Professor Conroy, almost forty years ago, when Henry was very small. In fact, he was only eight when William and I…” James tears up. “Fuck!!! I should have never let him go! A lifetime apart! But…” He grabs Lady Tigress’s hand. “Thank you for brining him back. I did not even have him on the Golden Card Holder list. Because I thought we were through. So through…. But then, here I am, being called to Mr. Jaguar’s office, and here he stands. My William. I flipped… I so flipped…! ”;
“I was there, James. Please do not get distracted.”

“Yeah. So, we get to the part in the letter where Daddy James explains to Henry that he had 33 years to understand that Professor Conroy’s underwear DOES NOT smell like sour cabbage, after all. That Daddy James flipped when he smelled Professor William again at Mr. Jaguar’s office, got very hard, and knew that True Love can’t be killed, or forgotten…”

“James! I can’t put ANY OF THIS into the official report!” Lady Tigress objects, and Lady Anne brings in tea.

“Why not? The Kumlatovs know that I’m 76% cat. My DeVo had progressed… H.M. is 88% bear. Wallace is 100% certified organic nuts… Krotkie is 98% wolf. He DeVo’ed in my arms… For 8 months…” James cries again. “I want my family, that’s it! I just want to SMELL MY FAMILY!”

“James, please get to the point.”

“Oh… So we get to that point in discussion, where I ask Henry in written form, if it is OK if Daddy James marries Professor Conroy, so that Henry would have two Daddies. Daddy James and Daddy William…”

With that, James bursts in tears and howls quietly, like a dog whose tail got stuck in the door.

Then he finishes the cigarette and asks to go outside to pee. Lady Tigress lets him.

Kellspell comes back, whispering about how much he loves William Conroy, and how his life was never the same after he left the Professor.

Enough to break ANYONE’S heart. But Lady Tigress and Lady Anne are very experienced interrogators.

“What happened next, James?” Lady Ti tightens up her lips, determined to keep James on track.

“This is when, in Inner Dinner, as we were having a meal, Dr. Lauren approached us from behind. He put his left hand on William’s shoulder, and his right hand on Jim Kellspell’s shoulder, creating a Bridge with a permission to enter.” Lady Anne frames up the scene for Jim’s liquid mind to focus on.

Lady Ti and Lady Anne sure work well together.

“Yeah…” Jim’s eyes get wide. “I saw the bended ray of permanent light between Dr. Lauren and William…” James smiles at Lady Anne through his tears. “… and I said - wait a minute… Whoever this man is - he was your lover, William.” I saw it clearly - the CONNECTION between them. It was like lightning… Awww…” James grabs a paper napkin from Lady Anne’s caring hand, and blows his nose in it. “Oh, heck, this is where shit hit the fan… William turned a whiter shade of pale, Wallace jumped up, almost spilled his tea and began to narrate into his bridgeplate, and Richard retreated out with his plate of food just so that we have someone to witness the massacre.”

“What kind of “massacre”, James? Don’t we have security here?”

“Sure. This is what Henry said when the news of the Van Der Wall’s Effect Prion Scandal hit the Isotropic Surface of Time. We have not had a stranger on our premises since the journalists broke through the front door last fall. OR, since Prince Moretr’s SECURITY missed a stranger who shot me with an anger-inducing prion.”

“Well, that was dealt with, I suppose.” Lady Tigress is flustered, but gets a hold of herself. Lady Anne pours tea for both Lady Tigress and James.

Jim’s eyes ignore the tea and beg for whiskey. His plea is not answered. At least temporarily.

“I don’t know what you mean by “dealt with”, but I get strung up six times a day because of it, and then, as if THAT was not enough, every shot is 300 calories that I have to burn off. I have to run 3 hours a day with a 40 pound backpack on my back just to break even. So, whatever you meant by “dealt with…”, my Lady…”

“I meant, James….’ Lady Tigress gives Lady Anne a look, and Lady Anne  hands James a cigarette. “That we know who did it.”

“Thanks.” James takes the cigarette gratefully. “Yeah, in those terms, sure. But with all others equal, October 21 is coming up, and on that day one year ago I survived not one, but TWO assassination attempts. First, they tried to plow us off the road, like in the “Avengers”, sorry, fuck… You should have seen H.M.’s mangled car afterwards!!! And then a bullet flew three inches from my left temple, deafening the fuck out of me, as we all hit the floor in H.M.’s garage, Level 1. And no one took responsibility for that, yet.”

Lady Tigress opens up her mouth, but James takes a desperate pull on the cigarette and continues to talk.

“… And this is what Richard is thinking, bless his heart, I will never let go of him, no matter what they charge him with. But the stranger… He says….” Jim looks around desperately in search of an ashtray.

Lady Anne hands Jim a small aluminium ashtray with words ‘Aeroflot” on it. James giggles through his tears, and uses it. In the 70s that ashtray belonged to his friend Colonel McGregor. Jim got it as an inheritance from his widow.

“… and as Richard retreats, the stranger says very quietly into William’s ear: ‘So, you thought I was not going to find you here…”

“And William did not like it…’ Lady Anne smiles at James and pours sugar into his cup.

“Correct! William totally stiffens up. But this is where I say. I say - sir, I see that this bitch here lied to me about not having any other men in his life. You were his first man, and your liaison started in 1972. While I respect that and will kick William’s ass for concealing stuff, this is a restricted area. You better produce a Golden Card, or leave immediately.”

The stranger is looking at me with the smiling face. But this smiling face really says “you have no idea who you’re messing with.” That I don’t care about. Even if he is Jimmy Hoffa himself, he don’t have no Golden Card.

“Alas, you can’t produce such a card, haha.” I say, then, triumphantly. “There are ONLY THIS MANY Golden Card holders, and I happen to REMEMBER ALL OF THEM! Because in order for you to be in possession of a “Golden Card”, you had to have known me personally. But I don’t remember yourass, so please leave the premises before I get totally unhinged.”

“I hear that as I come into the Inner Dinner, as promised…” Lady Anne smiles. “Drink the tea, James. It has thyme in it. It will calm you down and will help accept the inevitable.”

It’s funny how she puts it.

“Yeah!” James raises his brows and tastes the tea. “The weirdest part began when Lady Anne came in. I was like - can you believe this ass, I told him to get the fuck out… And she is like - she, basically, knelt in front of him, and started kissing his hands. And I was like - bitches be tripping… And, um… She says - thank you for saving my life, and my children’s life, and my husband’s life, and if it was not for you we’d all be dead.” James makes big eyes at Lady Tigress.

“Do you know what happened between Lady Anne and Dr. Lauren?” Lady Tigress pats James on the shoulder as he drinks tea and smokes the cigarette.

“Yeah, turns out that Dr. Lauren was her psychiatrist for, like, ten years, or more, and he helped her save her marriage, and then her kid was suicidal, and she took him to Dr. Lauren, and Dr. Lauren saved her son, and then her husband had issues, and she took him to Dr. Lauren, and Dr. Lauren fixed her husband, too… And i’m listening to this and thinking - I should take Henry and William to this man, maybe he can fix MY guys, too… And then I’m like - wait, Dr. Lauren DID TRY to fix William, but William stole his developments and ran...”

“OK, I see.” Lady Ti sighs. “That was the “weirdest part”. Focus on the worst part of it now.”

“The worst part is, I guess…” Kellspell ruffles up his hair. “…basically now… because of William’s highly unethical machinations, and my inability to pay, Dr. Lauren will take all my protocols as payment. Therefore, he will have the control over the Emerald Filament Team. He explained this to me, and I was like - crap, you know? When it rains it pours. And here I thought William’s debt to Mary Conroy was HUGE. Losing my entire team to a stranger because of my lover’s debt is going to be HUGE. But this is the Golden Thread Ritual for you. It’s like marriage, but a thousand times stronger. You know how they say - “If you have anything against this marriage, speak now or be silent forever”?

“Yes.” Lady Ti nods.

“Well, The Golden Thread protocol is bound to wash up ALL such stuff. And William is 71 (long history!), and a sexual offender. I knew stuff was going to wash up, a walrus or two… But his fall from the Grace was deafening. Here I come to the shore, and a whole whale washed up, with William’s name on it. Yow! William did not just assault women, he also stole intellectual property from his colleagues! A lifetime of fucking with people.”







“Taking you down was almost too easy.”

“Lady Ti says I’m 10% savant and 90% idiot.”

“I can’t take advantage of you like this, James. You ARE a rube, you are uneducated, gullible, simplistic. Many could say that you’re just stupid. People took advantage of you your whole life and you let them. William Conroy had you like a dumbass that you were. He lied in your face, he used sex to subdue you, and then he used you in his experiments. Then Lord Carlton came along, and he used you, too. To the delight of the audiences. And you were none the wiser.”

“Whatever you say, sir. I never knew you, but I have always been in awe of you, ever since William told me you were “triple board certified psychiatrist”, and “supervised fellowship programs”. To me it sounded like “water-boarded” and “Fellowship of the Ring”. I mean, total gibberish. But you were cool in my mind, you know…”

“I know.” Dr. Lauren is smiling. I see his outline in the moonlight. “He never told you that it was me who funded his research after the University wanted him no more.”

“No.” James sighs and looks up at Isaak Milgram’s apartment. “He also never told me you were lovers. He never told me he was an alcoholic, he never told me he was addicted to drugs, that he was kicked out of Duke, and that he stole your diagrams.”




“What was your last conversation with Darler?” Dr. Lauren is using a large, also bluish-grey-glowing bridgeplate. But in order to even try to determine what underlaying protocol it is based on, I must see the front. But not from where I’m standing.

“Don’t you ever let go of our faith.” He told me. It was on my birthday, 1986. I came to his house in Berlin via Level 2 access, and Heike was asleep already, but Darler was sitting under his beloved American Flag. He had dark circles around his eyes, he was drunk and he forgot my birthday. “Don’t you ever deviate from our path no matter what the fat cats will tell you. We’re the Protectors of the Poor and Disadvantaged.” James stands straight, looking onwards, like a soldier at attention.

“Then what happened?”

“He was dead three months later.” James lets on a ghostly smile, and then he sits on the floor and covers his face with his hands.

“Why did you lie to Professor Conroy about where you were the night Darler killed himself?”

“As you know, William was mentally unstable. His wife believed that he had schizophrenia, or some other “neurocognitive condition”.

“She was not the only one.” Dr. Lauren nods.

“Also, regretfully, William was extremely self-centered. He simply did not care what else was happening in the world, or even in my life. I did not tell him, because he never expressed any compassion to my OTHER issues, and I did not want a cold shoulder that night. That night I just wanted to drown out my pain. So, when he said “what took you so long”, I simply went to the top drawer, pulled out a box of pills and threw it on the bed by his side.”

“What kind of pills?”

“Vicodin. But he was using it together with mushrooms for deeper regressions. I’m sure you know.”



James to Professor Conroy, in an insulted kind of way:

“William, NOW I know how you give these heavenly, superb, stellar blowjobs! I always asked you - where did you learn, and you’d say - oh, from watching porn. And I’d be like - William, honey, this smells like PRACTICE, and you’re telling me I’m your only man. But you’d never budge. And I never pressed. And here we go. The truth WILL ALWAYS come out. You just be patient. I was patient for 33 years, and NOW I know how you learned to give such unbelievably good blowjobs…”



James to Lady Tigress:
“And then Dr. Lauren goes - if you let me be your manager, I’ll teach you how to do cocaine intravenously.”;
Lady Ti gasps, but Lady Anne bites her lip and looks the other way.

“And I was like - this fella is way badder than William. And here I thought WILLIAM was an experienced junkie. But, honestly, all we ever did was Vicodin, mushrooms and alcohol. And here comes our boss, basically. He will teach us how to do drugs in a right way.”


James to Dr. Lauren: “I have to give it to you, sir. Your entrance was very well thought-through. Amazing strategy, knowing the psychology of the one you’re approaching - a good use of your multiple scientific degrees. I say that always - applied science, yes. And here you are. Instead of showing up and making a scene, and CLAIMING things, you just locked me into the TRUTH by allowing me to SEE.”

“What did you see?” Dr. Lauren is running his hand across the entire surface of his bridgeplate and it changes colors slowly under the palm of his hand.

“I saw that you were his first man. I also saw that he was always your bitch… I mean, omega. But that was very nearly irrelevant in comparison with the MOST IMPORTANT thing I saw.” James makes a pause, and Lauren lets James play out his scene without rushing him. “I saw the THICKNESS and DENSITY of your Connection. It was at least THREE TIMES the Kellspell-Hafnian-Carlton Golden Thread, which is enormous, and it cost the three of us EVERYTHING to establish and maintain. I KNOW what it costs to establish a link of this quality. You both love each other about 9 on the 1-10 Scale of Advancing Proximity to God. While, as much as we try, Kellspell-Hafnian-Carlton is only 6, and it is the strongest anyone had ever produced here, save for Kurt and Lady Dawn, but they are a straight couple.”

“You will always be a rube in my eyes, but now you speak the truth, James.” Lauren holds his hand over the bridgeplate, pulls up a yellow cloud, and hands it to Lady Anne. Lady Anne smiles, picks the cloud with her hand and places it into her bridgeplate.


I bring in Sheba virtually on my bridgeplate and let her see this. “You’ve been manning the bridgeplates a while before I showed up… Have you ever seen anything like this?”

The answer comes almost right away (she and David MUST BE watching this live!): “Nope. Neither did David, and he worked with the MEOL Parliament. Let me track Lauren’s background. “Psychiatric doctor” may just be a cover for his other work. “Conroy Diagrams’ WAS his discovery, after all. Now we know that Conroy stole them from Lauren. But where did LAUREN get the ideas?”

Ok, Sheba is on the case. I’m glad. I love it. I can’t stand feeling unprotected. Who IS Dr. Lauren? He’s been here a week and he works the bridgeplate better than anyone of us, and Sheba’s been here three years.

Why is Lauren’s connection to William Conroy is so strong?

Did Dr. Lauren REALLY channel the diagrams?

A target-rich environment for an investigative journalist. One problem - I do not like to be alone.

“And with all this hefty intel, as a karmic hound who always finds the answers, I’m stumped. I’m so stumped, Dr. Lauren.” James grabs his head with both hands and moves there and back in a nervous way. “If William loved you THIS MUCH, how the fuck did he betray you THIS DEEPLY? Stuff is not sitting right with me.”





“So, how long did it take you to get to the river from your lawn using the Lemhi Pass?” Lady Anne gives James an encouraging smile.

“About ten minutes.” James smiles back confidently.

“May I see your logs?”

‘Sure!” Jim slides his bridgeplate to Lady Anne.

Lady Anne looks, and she sighs, and she looks again, and she waves he fingers over the clouds on Jim’s bridgeplate, and she can’t seem to get it.

“It states here that you left the lawn at 9:31 am this morning, and arrived to the river at 9:23am.” She finally points out to James.

‘Yep.” Kellspell responds and starts a cigarette.

“James, that is impossible. You arrived there at -8 minutes.”

“I sure wanted to get there fast. If you were gaining 2000 calories a day, you’d want to run fast, too.”

“Maybe, but that is not the point. Who else was with you?”

“Krotkie, William, Wallace, Richard. When I told them of my findings, Krotkie suggested I don’t sweat it, and just add ten minutes to “9:31”, because this is how it would ROUGHLY take.”

“But that does not make any sense.” Lady Anne shakes her head slowly, and brings the info from Jim’s bridgeplate to hers by touching small colourful clouds and placing them on the various corners of her bridgeplate, like Dr. Lauren had shown her.

“Krotkie’s IQ is 41.” James watches the wolf come to him and place his front paws on Jim’s lap. “Yes, my love!” James brings his face to the wolf’s nose and they kiss. “Who wants cheese? Cheese! Yes!”

“What about William? What did he say?” Lady Anne gives a look to William’s figure. He is sleeping on Jim’s bed, covered by Krotkie’s blanket. “Professor’s Conroy’s IQ was 136 last time I checked.”

“He said nothing. He drank almost all of my whiskey before we went for a jog.”

“Mr. Smith? I’m getting nowhere with this bunch. If you left your house at 9:31 am, but arrived at your friend’s house across the street at 9:23am, would you be slightly worried?”

‘I know where you’re going with this, but I haven’t noticed anything. The jog was very regular.” I respond, making sure I do not say anything silly or reveal that I, too, was drunk.

‘When James announced his findings of time discrepancy, what did you do?”

‘I suggested we add ten minutes to “9:23” instead of to “9:31”. I say with as much confidence as I can muster.

“What would THAT give you?!” Lady Anne rolls her eyes.

“It would cover up for the difference.”

“Mr. Smith! You arrived at your friend’s house EIGHT MINUTES BEFORE YOU LEFT YOUR OWN HOUSE! YOU LOST EIGHT MINUTES, YOU CAME TO YOUR FRIEND’D DOOR IN MINUS EIGHT MINUTES, and you just followed an advice given to you by Krotkie, an individual with an IQ of 41!?”

“Yes.” I nod with utmost caution.

Krotkie may have the IQ of only 41, but at least he was sober. And he was diligently looking out for us.

“What did Richard Rockford say?”

“Um… He asked Jim if we had any more whiskey left in his backpack.”

“MR SMITH! What did Mr. Rockford say about the impossible time difference?”

“Oh… In that regard. He did not care what time it was. He just wanted to get shit-faced.”

Lady Anne moans. “I’m reporting this to Prince Moretr’s office. Meanwhile, tell me, if you all are working on turning your brain into mush.”

“How didja figure?” Kellspell laughs, and then hugs the sleeping Conroy. “What else is there to do? Mr. Jaguar was arraigned on kidnapping charges three days ago, and it hasn’t even been 5 months since he took control of the project! Now your friend Dr. Lauren wants to climb this fence, and all I see is him falling to a temptation, too. Do you know how many times this project has changed hands in the last two years? Do you realise that I’ve been through two Alphas and they both were led away in handcuffs? Do you know how I feel? I feel like an orphan getting thrown about foster homes. As soon as I get used to my new management, they get pulled from under me.”

“I know, James. But we need ALL of them. None of them are going anywhere.” Lady Anne assures him.

“True that. But I’m beginning to like your friend, Dr. Lauren. I just don’t want him to fall. Because I can’t handle any more of this. And I don’t know what can I do to help them hot-headed Alphas to stick around. The point is, I just saw Jaguar fall, now Dr. Lauren. I feel like a maiden in the High Tower, with all these knights trying to get her out, and perishing.”




“Wallace, please close the hall door and come monitor the bridgeplate.”

“Yes, James.” I tremble every time he addresses me. I want to be of help so much. And then I fail. I always fail in his eyes. So much so he decided to punish me by outing me in front of Lady Anne. “This one is wearing women’s underwear.”

Ohhh…

This burns. It burns so… James, I love you. James, you have no idea how cruel you are. You weren’t even trying to break this old man’s heart, and here I am, in shambles. It is 7:14 pm, and I’m trashed. But never mind that. Plenty of people are trashed by 7 pm. I beat them all. I’ve been trashed since 9 am. On a Tuesday.

“I have asked you to come here and listen to me, because I really like Dr. Lauren, and I see where he is going. So, please invite him now so I can give him what for before he plunges into what he thinks is a good deal.”

“He is not going to talk business in front of Professor Conroy.” Lady Anne shakes her head stubbornly.

“Then it is tough shit, because William is now Golden Threaded Family, with Henry, H.M. and Krotkie, and I do everything in front of them.”

“What do you need to tell him, James? Maybe I can help.” Lady Anne chokes back tears. She feels like she must protect Dr. Lauren from whatever harm might come his way.

And this is exactly what James wants.

This is what I see on my Gray SeaRock LHS bridgeplate. This yellowish torn-up cloud around her means “I’m in love with Dr. Lauren unconditionally, therefore I am blind.”

And James sees that IN HIS MIND.

FINALLY, I’m catching up to what is going on in my Beloved’s head. Thanks to the Andromedan technologies. And these technologies is not what you I’d imagine at all…

I’m glad. I have more confidence now. Whatever I need to do to get there, help James, protect James, lay my life to save his.

“I’m done hearing this crap - what kind of a psychic are you, when you did not see Sheba Reddington coming? It is because I was ASKED NOT TO LOOK. How come you believed William Conroy’s lies? It was because I was ASKED to believe. How come you let Lord Carlton commit all those offences? It was because I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. Why didn’t you alert the authorities when Rockford confessed of wanting to rape his neighbour next door… It was because I do not rat my friends out!!! THAT IS WHY. But no more Mr. Nice Guy!” Kellspell growls, and walks there and back. “This is what you tell Dr. Lauren.” Jim’s voice is very hoarse now. He’s been smoking non-stop all day. We’ve all been jacked up the last few days. Even Krotkie. Now the Wolf is sitting by the sliding door and is waiting to be fed. And it will be a while. “If Dr. Lauren thinks he is buying himself a “performing asset”, he’s got another thing coming.”

“I know you consider his buyout “a hostile takeover”. Lady Anne wipes her face with her hand in the absense of a tissue. “But he will be a fair manager.”

She can’t get to the tissue on Henry’s dresser, because she is being cornered by irate James, who has not been this agitated since last week, maybe. I do believe the shots ARE working.

“He will be managing prison kitchen supplies if you do not listen to me.  I consider Dr. Lauren to be an arrogant asshole, who did well for himself in life, for he excelled academically. But all that was ego-advice on how to line up your own pockets. He thinks he is going to come here and lay us all down, like he did his colleagues and his students, and, sadly, his patients!”

At this, Lady Anne gasps, but James plows on ruthlessly.

“None of this is going to work here, my Lady! He will come here and listen to “his” ego advice to take stuff for himself. This is what they’re waiting for to weed out all the “ego-susceptible”. He will be trapped, and he will be facing grave charges. I give him three to six months before he, too, will be led away in handcuffs. Worse yet, we’re going to lose YOU. You are in love with him, you were in love with him your whole life, and he used you for whatever he needed you to do for him. You’re stupid, and he is a criminal. And I’m tired of seeing people land in the slammer.”

Whew! THAT was hot! THAT woke me up from my drunken stupor.

“What do you know about the slammer, James?”

“Not more than you, but maybe you should ask Tia Demetra. The point is, Lady Anne…” James levels a heavy stare at his “nurse”, who has retreated to the sliding door, making Krotkie move his hairy butt to the left.

“Did he mention that his Arkchil Operator was wearing women’s underwear?”

“WHAT?“ James is looking at me now, with torment in his eyes, gorgeous and astonished.

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

“WALLACE, FUCK! The world does not revolve around transgendered women, shopping at Victoria’s Secret!” Kellspell turns back to Lady Anne. “He is sicker than I thought, and totally ego-centric. He needs to be at the Pearly Gates as soon as possible, and here we are, in front of the revolving door of Alphas, because you bitches just can’t see that the cheese that smells so good is in the MOUSETRAP!’

“I do not want you to compare Dr. Lauren to everyone else!” Lady Anne steps around Krotkie, who sniffs her legs as she passes to Matushka’s tea table for a box of tissues.

“Everyone else might just serve as a cautionary tale, my Lady. Lord Carlton tried his machinations and ended up in a mental institution for two months. I tried to help him, and I got suspended from Estelian Communications school. That hurt. Then, David Reddington went down for a bribe. Richard Rockford tried to pull the blanket on himself and it ended his career here. It took me all of my bargaining power not to lose him. But three days ago I finally was told as to why Mr. Jaguar was not allowed to see me any more. Lady Tigress found out he was planning to kidnap me. He is now under house arrest, not allowed to see anyone, me included. This was the most painful one. You know why? Because of all you civilian bitches I saw him to be infallible. He was an AirForce pilot in WWII, and a distinguished officer. Just like my grandfather! If ANYONE deserved and was ABLE TO run this project, it would be HIM. And here I am again with a broken heart. He took the wrong advice from the wrong source, and I will never see him again. I’m done falling in love with charismatic men only to lose them to “their” egos!

“Dr. Lauren does not think any of this. Dr. Lauren does not have an ego, and he is the purest of men I ever knew!” Lady Anne raises her hands in a respectful way, but her features conceal resentment. “People like you never know when to stop, James.”

“People like you join cults.”

Wow. This is not pretty. James loves Lady Anne and I have NEVER seen him confront her, or even say anything negative behind her back.

Lady Anne, on the other hand, spent ALL of her time since she’s been here (two or three years, I must look up) taking care of Jim’s patients, “the wounded soldiers”. In particular, she took care of Kyle Merritt, for over a year, and Lady Ti’s father, uncle Albert, for a few months.

She was doing that on the background, while scandal after a scandal engulfed the Emerald Filament show, and James saw it, and respected her for it infinitely.

In other words, they were always on the same side.

“Lauren thinks that by getting to my protocols he’s got himself a deal?” James says quietly now. It feels like he made an internal decision to finish the argument. “What he’s got himself is a Corpse Bride. A motley crew of deranged individuals in various stages of moral and physical decomposition, run by an Amatrix. He is going to want the Amatrix. And he will die trying.”

“What do you suggest he does?”

“Pray to God. Rely on God. Re-establish his relationship with GOD. If he as much as ATTEMPTS to use his own brain, we’re doomed. He is used to rely on his mind, which is controlled by “his” ego. “His” ego will most definitely br triggered to advise him on how to hijack the fucking Amatrix. He does that - he will follow Rockford, Reddington, and Jaguar. I DO NOT want to see Dr. Lauren’s name on the list of people who DID NOT GET THE MEMO. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I must feed my Krotkie Teacher. I also have an injection coming.”

“I’m going to see Dr. Lauren, then.” Lady Anne lowers her head and moves to the Spiral Staircase, towards the exit to Lady Tigress&Jaguar Headquarters.

“And, please, tell Lady Tigress that we remain her most faithful servants. Me and my mates.” James raises his hand in a blessing motion, then pulls a cigarette from a pack, rips out the filter and feeds it to the eager wolf. “Here, my love, I know you’ve been waiting for the appetiser.”





“This suit for William fits him so well. It outlines his large shoulders in a very sexy way, it hugs his lovely hips. Gray is his color… What a shame I will not see him wear it. It was, like, $3000. I’ll just order it removed from here.” James sighs, blowing dust off the suit, placed on the bed.

“Why? We will still have the pre-Golden Thread Ceremony William is going to want to attend.” Lady Anne arranges Matushka’s roses in a large vase on the tea table.

“Oh yeah?” Jim picks up the suit by the hanger and takes it to the closet. “I’m not going to condone any more Mayflies in my house. If Alphas want to last, they will have to conform to the rules. If I can’t have William via Golden Thread because Dr. Lauren is blocking it, we will just have a Mexican standoff. At least it will buy me time and save a life or two.”

“Everything you told me yesterday, I made it into a document, and Dr. Lauren has signed it.” Lady Anne says triumphantly, while biting her lips a bit, trying not to smile too much.

James drops the suit on the floor in utter surprise.

My eyes go wide even as I have become so wrinkled, and I cried so much, it is hard for me to even keep them open.

William raises his head from the bridgeplate. James has him search Arkchil Record for snippets of info, possibly busywork just to keep Conroy out of trouble. Conroy is not allowed to talk, or participate in any way. Now that so many people are after him, as a measure of protection, James wants his precious, miraculously recovered mate out of the spotlight.

Even Krotkie quits chewing on the empty pack of Marlboros and smiles at us all.

“Oh…” James DID NOT see it coming. He is so used to dealing with incredibly hard-headed Alphas that he just assumed he had no chance of talking sense into yet another one.

‘So, pick up that suit, and let’s go to his apartment to celebrate our Union.” Lady Anne says softy, with a ghostly smile.





“Yeah, so, we’re working on the Archive stuff we were told to sift through, and here comes The Man.” James lights up.

“Tell me more.” Lady Ti encourages.

“I have cocaine.” Dr. Lauren says.”

“What do I have to do for that?” I ask, clearly, very excited.

“Have sex with me.” Dr. Lauren responds with a very confident smile.

“What’s the downside.” I grin and pull out a “Trojan”.

“There is no need.” He waves his hand away, telling me to put away the condom. “I have no need fo it. I’m already dead.” That was hilarious!” James pats the sleeping William on the shoulder.

“Did he tell you how he died?” Lady Ti asks.

“Yeah. A Leer Jet accident.” James shrugs.

“Learjet ACCIDENT”? Did anyone survive?” Lady Ti brings a hand to her mouth.

“James does not know what “Learjet” is. It was a plane crash. Dr. Lauren died in a plane CRASH. Everyone on board died.” Lady Anne helps, her eyes filling with tears.




“What did you find in the “Time Paradox & Seashell Effect” Archives? Lady Ti asks Lady Anne.

“Newspaper clippings. Here is one: “TRIALS OF James Kellspell REALITY SHOW: Kellspell about his liaisons: 9 MONTHS WITH JAGUAR: THE MEASURE OF PLEASURE.”

‘Gosh, that just happened.” Lady Ti muses.

“It is long-gone history to them. Their Archives are a treasure trove of intel for us, since most of the stuff I come upon has not even happened here yet.”




5:45 am
“Father, please help me through today. My weight gain is out of control, and William hasn’t been sober in two weeks… I wanted him to help me take care of my boys, Lady Anne wanted him to run OUR UNIT, and now I can barely get him up to run FOR EXERCISE! He crashed from an asset to a liability, and my portfolio just can’t afford that!”

William is on our bed, laying on his left side, with his face towards the sliding door, in a white muscle shirt (James hates the name “wife beater”…. :). A couple of welts are swelling up on his back and the right shoulder.

Jim will regret his anger very soon, but right now he is burning through it. He is on his knees, praying on the floor by the bed, rubbing his face and swollen eyes.


6:01 am The sun, or rather, the Tribelin engine, will be up in less than half an hour. 6:30 am is the time for their daily run, and James still can’t get William up.

James screamed through his frustration, and he is now hugging William, and licking up the welts on his shoulder.

“You wanted him to make partner, but maybe he is only an associate for now. It is all temporary, James. Way to be faithful to your friends through thick and thin. Lady Tigress would have never pushed a toxic asset on you. There is a reason why William was brought in.” Lady Anne picks up the clothing strewn about the bedroom, as it was left behind by our drunk team.

Namely James, William, me and Dr. Lauren. Krotkie lapped beer until he collapsed, but he made the least mess as he wore no clothing.

He collapsed on the Mood Rug, by the way, that turned the deepest, most even blue I have ever seen. There is nothing pretty about DeVo, but this wolf, obviously, enjoys it tremendously.

“Right. William was brought in, so that I’d be surprised and excited out of my mind.” Jim nods with a sigh. “Then i’d want to marry him right away out of fear of losing him again, and here comes an opening for all of his debts to come out. Dr. Lauren being one of them.” James slides off the bed, and sticks his face into the comforter, now on his knees by the drunk, semi-conscious Professor Conroy.

The “comforter” is a thin flowery blanket that was brought for James. He loves it. Cats are partial about their bedding.

“Maybe he first needs to forget his shame before he can begin his duties here.” Lady Anne suggests.

“Forget or pay for - I agree, but I have not seen Henry since William’s been here. Henry had to be sedated. What I’m saying is - in his heart of hearts Henry knows that William can’t be his “Daddy”. He sensed that William was not strong enough. William could only be his “brother”, therefore, competition. And I can’t have them keep Henry sedated indefinitely until William gets his shit together. So, William needs to grow up.”

“Maybe Henry needs to grow up. When he was going for this assignment with you, he was crying with excitement, he slept with your photograph, and he’d be absorbed in dreams of your future together. He was warned that James Kellspell belongs to no one man. He was told that he’d have to share James with the others. You know Henry, he is very egoistic. I do not want to sound judgmental, but Henry has issues.” Lady Anne sprays Windex on the sliding door and starts polishing it with a cloth.

Having picked up the mess after the men, she moves on to cleaning what Richard Rockford missed during his night shift. She never forgets her duties.

“Henry is mad at me because of William.” Jim puts on training pants and a green khaki hoodie, a reminder of his own deep, painful crush on Jaguar.

I go deep inside of myself, kneeling in front of the alter named “REGENT JAMES KELLSPELL”.

None of us can fall too much in love with any other member of the team. That will cause “spallation”, or chipping away - a desire to elope with your chosen partner. The Vessel has to stick together.

“Then we need to remind Henry that you did not invent the notion of multiple children in the family. And ALL of your omegas will have to share one “Daddy”.” Lady Anne can hear my mind.

But she is tactful and polite by nature. She will not look where she was not invited.

That is why being outed in front of her was so uncomfortable for me.

But, who cares.

Not James. Here he is running out of the door with Krotkie jumping around in excitement. I wish I had the Wolf’s energy. Again, another advantage of DeVo. I better fold this bridgeplate and follow him. Someone has to. Now that William is too drunk to go for a run, at 6:30 am.

“Jim’s first injection of the day is at 7:30 am. We should not be late.” Lady Anne waves me outside and closes the sliding door behind us, leaving William to sleep it off.






“So, this man calls the doctor’s office for an appointment.;“We’ve gone paperless.” The receptionist says. “You must fill out the questionnaire online.”
The man does that, and comes to the office at the designated time. He uses the restroom, comes out and says to the receptionist: “I like your office very much. You are neat and classy, but there is no toilet paper in the bathroom.”
The receptionist looks at him and says: “I told you we’ve gone paperless!”


“He is a joker, your Dr. Lauren, isn’t he?” James grins.

“And it’s all about doctors, James. Another advantage of having him on the team is that he can set you up with ANY doctor. Even a dentist. He knows them all across every medical field there is. No more waiting, freaking out, not being able to get in. Say a word and he will place a call.”




12:06pm Lady Anne had to have an emergency PSYCHIATRIC session with James. He came back from Level 1 {breakfast with H.M.}, very depressed.

“Oh, it’s the almost full moon, and it’s been a hard week…” James sighs, sitting on his colourful blanket on the bed, while Krotkie is positioned on HIS blanket right beside. William is not sleeping anymore, but he lays there with his eyes closed, motionless.

“What was the trigger?”

“H.M. always talks about people who succeed in life, and how they bought this eatery and made money, and how Bill Gates dropped out of the University and built his own business, and how Larry Allen did this and Wozniak did that… This is where I’d usually blow up, a slave to “my” ego that says - oh, you have not achieved ANYTHIng in life! He is making fun of you! He is rubbing it in! You make a scene! And I do… I hate myself, and I make a scene every time he mentions a motley crew of names that “made it in life”….”


“What about today?”

“But TODAY…” James makes his favourite dramatic pause. Sometimes I think his Dramatic Pause is so solid and formidable in his mind, he’d stumble and fall apart if you took away his beloved Dramatic Pause.

“Yes, James…” Lady Anne prompts.

“Um, you were thinking of Dr. Lauren. You had sex with him.”

“James!” Lady Anne blushes. “Please continue with your story.”

Talking about “outing” someone. I thought nothing was going to fix it after what Jim did to me, but, here we are. Lady Anne is almost in tears. I pretend that I did not hear anything.

“TODAY I put on the ear phones, turned on Hafnian Language, and only heard every 4th word of what H.M. said about stupid Bill Gates, stupid Larry Allen, and everyone who looks like them and their stupid success!!! So, I was only 1/4 as pissed as would be normally, and that is why it was rather easy for me to tune this shit out.”

“Very good, James.” Lady Anne’s voice trembles. It bleeds in the air, if at all possible to explain, or describe. “What a wonderful afternoon…” Lady Anne says quietly, caressing one of Matushka’s roses.

“It is on an afternoon like that when you run out of all the drugs available to you.” Jim responds, covering sleeping drunk William with his new blanket. “23 June, 1986. 1 pm, and the good old clock is not moving. Literally, I have been staring at it for what must have been ages… So I leave the house and I run. I run and I run, around the valley, and to the well, and into the cattle path under the whispering alder trees, and the ruins of the Monument, and the marshes to the North of the river… I ran until I could not run anymore, but even then I could not run away from the fact that I’m out of drugs, that my Spiritual Leader just killed himself, and, if I dare go to Level 2 into the warehouse, my boyfriend is drinking and regressing himself into a lizard. There was no Salvation. There was no Comfort… ANYWHERE.”

Lady Anne lifts her head and listens. Then she pulls up her bridgeplate and makes a recording. The next thing I see is she gets a message. It flies out of the bridgeplate surface for only half an inch, but I KNOW what it is and why it is there. Her face lights up brighter than these roses. It is someone she truly loves.

“That was very good, James!” She encourages. “Judging by the date, it was ten days after Darler died. We’re going to put this into the next trailer.”

“Sure…” James starts a cigarette.

Lady Anne dictates the answer to the message with just her lips, but very close to the bridgeplate. And every time she says a word, it falls on the surface of the bridgeplate and blossoms cool white-blue.

“I DO KNOW that God is preparing me for something, and I know I will never regret being patient…” James drones on meanwhile, walking there and back on the lawn under Isaak Milgram’s apartment windows, risking getting hit with a Red Label bottle. “AND I’m being taken care of while I’m ripening up for my mission. I understand all that, but the illusion of being STUCK in time is excruciating sometimes. Fuck, these dumb muggles say that ‘time flies”. I’m SO STUCK in time. I feel like….”

“… you feel like the dragonfly that is too weak to break its wings from the water surface?” Lady Anne finishes.

“YES!” Kellspell breathes out. “Here is the thing. Instead of shooting un NES-sp, which is a huge loss of karmic credits, help me build them up. I seem to be getting CREDITS for exercise. It’s like - I saw this on Wallace’s bridgeplate. My personal ratings for the day go into the green the more I run with a 30 pound backpack…”

“And we will, hon. But right now you need to go back to your bedroom.” Lady Anne says with an encouraging nod.

“On whose orders? Lady Ti?” Jim’s face looks worried, thinking of whether he should hide his bottle of whiskey, or not.

This is when I hear behind me in the bedroom:

“… You will get up and you will do what I tell you to do. You will do what Kellspell tells you to do, and you will pull your weight. I’m very pissed right now, William, and I’m going to get progressively more pissed as the day progresses, if you do not get up. I’m also going to have you whipped in the backyard, and I will broadcast it across the ship. Plenty of women here would pay their last dollar to see that.”

“Oh, Dr. Lauren…” James walks into the bedroom as William Conroy gets up much like a zombie from a grave.

“How is Professor Conroy taking it?” A message from Lady Anne appears on my bridgeplate.

“He is overjoyed and euphoric.” I respond.

“Oh, James, very happy to see you.” Dr. Lauren, you can say a formidable man, stares Jim down. “Have you signed my contract?”

“Um…”

“Lady Anne?” Dr. Lauren gives her a wide smile, devoid of comfort.

“I have sent the contract to Mr. Kellspell, but he may not have had any time.” Lady Anne walks from the backyard with a face of a love-struck school girl.

Oh, come on…

“But he had time to shoot NES-sp all morning today.” Dr. Lauren waves his right hand and Jim’s SeaRock Grey LHS appears in front of him.

“How the fuck did you do that?” James is more than shocked.

“Remember what I told you in the Inner Dinner - choose your tone of voice carefully with me.” Dr. Lauren whispers into Jim’s ear.

“Yes, sir…” Kellspell answers very slowly and carefully.

‘There! I told you he can make our sky blue again!” Lady Anne brightens up.

“AND he can raise the dead!” I point to William, looming in the background like a disturbed ghost, darn well knowing that I have absolutely no lines in this scene.






‘This morning I walked into Jim Kellspell’s bedroom to take him out for a jog. He was sitting on the bed.” Lady Anne sobs into the handkerchief in front of Lady Ti. “He was holding a note in one hand, and a gun in the other. As I approached, James…” Lady Anne breaks down, and Lady Tigress reaches out to comfort her. “James put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.”

Lady Tigress sighs and looks at Prince Moretr, standing right by her.

“I hit the emergency on my bridgeplate just as Wallace Smith hit his. Then I picked up the note.”

‘What was in the note, Anne?” Lady Ti asks.

Lady Anne unwraps the note she’s been holding this whole time.

I can almost hear Jim’s voice.


“My Dear Mates,

I love you all, but I must go.

I see that God values ALL of you a lot more than me.
;My whole life I knew nothing but obscurity and indentured servitude, where no one asked for my opinion, they just wanted me to cook in the kitchen and suck dick in the bedroom.

Every single one of you has a fucking job where you’re respected and well-paid.

Every single one of you, no matter how much you whine here in front of me, slips away every two months or so for a new project or an assignment. Even Krotkie.

I see it on your fucking resumes, fuck, bitches, you don’t even need to be a psychic to see that ALL OF my mates are ALLOWED to grow PROFESSIONALLY, no matter how young or stupid you are in comparison with me.

In the five years since I have surrendered I have only had one offer, and that assignment lasted for 3 days. I care nothing about money. Whatever “money” I would have made for my performances, send 100% of it to Red Cross.

I watch people half my age with only about 1% of my experience get really good assignments. I watch people of only 0,5% of my karmic value get fucking assignments.

I have been sitting on a “karmic gold mine”, as Henry puts it. Big fat no good that did me.

NO ONE NOTICES MY EXISTENCE. NO ONE CARES AS TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

I’m 47 years of age and all I want is to die, because my life is a failure. All we do is sit and talk, and YOU get to do the fun job, and I’m kept here like an imbecile that I am.

Problem is, 99% of you have a lower IQ than me. Like, literally, Jaguar is the only one that tops me. The rest of you, in real life, on Level 1, I’d have decimated you intellectually, I’d have made you feel your deficiencies, and I’d have made sure you’d get really hurt. With that, please continue with your happy fucking life were you get to have. ALIFE on LEVEL !, and all God does with me is throws the sickest sheep at me (H.M.!), and expects me to deal with it.;;Yes, I know I’m being taken care of financially. But I will have you know that NOT PERFORMING and NOT BEING SEEN AND HEARD is death to me. I experience it every day when you get to talk at your job and I get to be silent at mine.
;Fuck you and have a nice life. Remember that you DO NO DESERVE IT. I deserve it, but I will never get it, because God loves you more and He believes that I’m not good enough. Then why the fuck he gave me an IQ of 123 when He does not give a shit as to what I have to say?

So, fuck you all. Even you, Lady Anne. You’re the most beautiful and the most compassionate, but even YOU have a life. AND I DO NOT.

It does not matter what happens on the project, YOU’ALL are SET for life with your careers, and I’M NOT. I feel like a fucking red-headed step-child when you make out with me, and then you disappear to have fun in your live in Level1.

I, on the other hand, have NO life on Level 1. I get beatings and free time to drink and forget them.

I’d say that I want to go ‘Amy Winehouse way”, but alas, people wanted to pay money for her performance, and I will die before I hear once nice word about anything I ever created. So, my way will be, just “drunk himself to death”.

You tell me that I must be PATIENT, and I MUST BE TESTED. Cool, yes. But I’m FOURTY SEVEN, and I see fucking 30 year olds with karmic value of -15C get better treatment than me. Like, I see these bitches knowing NOTHING about NOTHING, and yet, people listen to them, and people are paying them money to ta perform. Well, fuck that. I’m done.”

Lady Anne breaks down, and is held by Matushka and Lady Ti.

“There is more to the note, a lot more, but…” Lady Anne cries and screams into her hands, held by others women. “His longing for performance went right through me. He is starved to be heard. He says “I don’t want to do anything until someone proves to me that i’s worth to stay alive when everyone thinks you’re not good enough to perform.”

“Can we see the note?” Matushka asks Lady Anne.

“Yes…’ Lady Anne hands the crumpled note to Matushka. I notice Jim’s handwriting. I spent hundreds of hours studying his Letorn Borilis Channel, that was exclusively handwritten all the way to 1993, when his father bought him a computer and a printer (a very bold move at the time).

“How can this be, that I never get any assignments, when my karmic value is 50 times that of every single one of you but for Lady Anne, Dr. Michael, Lady Ti, Matushka and Lady Dawn? Fucking Matt D. has not sacrificed ANYTHING to have what he received in life.

I spent my life defending every destitute idiot that came my way, and all I got was BEATINGS from H.M. at the age of 47.

SHAME ON YOU ALL FOR ENJOYING YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU SEE HOW MUCH I’M STRUGGLING.

I see every single one of you taken care of. You are GIVEN assignments, on which you GROW PROFESSIONALLY, because you’re getting the APPROPRIATE EXPERIENCE.

Only GOD can give you this. And He is tight-lipped about when I am going on the stage. If ever.

It is that simple, Henry. Please stay in your bedroom. I will shoot you, too, if I see you. It’s been FIVE years of you telling me that God will ”reward James Kellspell” for taking care of the poor and needy. It’s been five years of YOUR SUCCESS and BEING NEEDED. It’s been five years of my COMPLETE OBSCURITY that hurts more than emotional battering from my H.M.

When I wake up, I want to see NO ONE in my bedroom. No one, but Krotkie. I can’t break my LAST TIE with your bunch. Who knows why. Fuck. Seriously, people. Do you think, I’m stupid? Do you think I’m blind not to see that YOU ALL are enjoying life, while I am drinking myself to death because I’m NOT ENGAGED????

I’m tired to be treated like I do not exist.

Or, better yet, Gods says to YOU ALL - here is a new assignment for you, Lady Anne.

Here is the new assignment for you, Wallace.

Here is a new assignment for you, Richard.

But nothing for James Kellspell.

He is an idiot.

We can’t trust him.

He is not worthy.

He is not experienced!

He is relegated to kitchen duty, bed duty, lick H.M.’s ass. Take care of his “boys”.

But NOTHING GOOD. ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS GIVEN TO THOZE GOD LOVES MORE THAN James Kellspell.

Jakes Kellspell is a black sheep, who will be forced to do all the work, and NO ATTENTION FROM GOD.

Well, I quit.

I also quit because I have said all this before, and NOTHING HAPPENED.

So, I feel like no one will hear this one anyway, because THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ME IN THE WORLD.

ALL I WILL EVER KNOW IS THIS CAGE.

GOD SAYS HE IS ALL-POWERFUL, BUT THE EGO IS TELLING ME THAT HE IS WITHHOLDING GOOD FATES TO THOSE HE REALLY FINDS INTERESTING. AND YOU’RE JUST NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH FOR GOD”. THIS IS WHAT THE EGO-PROGRAM IS TELLING ME, AND I CAN’T DISABLE THAT.

Matushka finishes reading, and takes a deep breath.

Everyone is silent.

“Can we go out for a cigarette?” William suggests. He is the first one to recover.

And we do. Into the backyard of Tigress&Jaguar Headquarters.



“What brought that on, Lady Anne?”

We all look at Anne, and she is white as December snow.

“I think, I know.” She responds, taking a pull on a cigarette, when she was never seen smoking before.

James Kellspell will do this to you. You WILL start doing drugs around him.

“I guess… It may have been because James is now Golden Thread-obligated to absorb Dr. Lauren. He sees Dr. Lauren as “another fat cat born with a silver spoon up his ass, who got handed everything in life”, and here he is, a man who is paid $12 000 a year to support his mother plus expenses, helping someone who knew ALL the money and ALL the freedom in the world, because he was a valued professional in the USA, therefore, “God’s favourite”.”


“I did not get to LIVE A LIFE, Lady Anne. Do you understand? I feel like a dog that is given many puppies. She nourishes those puppies, they, then, are taken for performances, and the audience loves them, but the “nursing dog” remains obscure and not recognised.”


“There was this movie in the 90s on the Russian TV, called ‘Isaura”. James is slurring words, but is still rather coherent. Edgy, inflamed, angry, but coherent. “And in that movie Isaura had a friend. They were all slaves, but Isaura was half-white. Her friend, however, was this African woman, who was relegated to be a cook in the kitchen. And Isaura would come to her laughing and crying, and that woman would be there for Isaura, but at the end of the day that woman faced the kitchen again, and tomorrow, too. Nobody cared what she wanted in life. She was told to be a cook, and the kitchen was all she ever knew. That’s how I feel. I feel that I take care of you all, and then you leave me, you go and enjoy life, while I remain here to work on more nourishment.”



“It turns out that he refused to take the injections. All day.” I say with a sigh.

“Oh, my God. He used the fact that I was busy with Lady Tigress most of the day. Why didn’t YOU tell me anything?”

“You did not ask to report on that, and he hates it when he catches us ratting him out.”





“Today’s meeting, maties, will not be for the faint hearted.” James walks there and back with the Spiral Staircase behind him, his face frowning.


“The last two weeks were a disaster. I have been drinking, basically, non-stop.  THIS is what dragged Wallace and William down. Apparently, both are deeply dependent on me, and they’re always the receivers of my negativity.




“Here are the points of our agenda:

The results came in for the last 6 months, and I have to deal with the two claims against me. First, the inappropriate conduct while working for Mr. Jaguar. We both had our asses handed to us for that. Then, unbeknownst to me, I started drinking heavily because I I was told that I was no longer working with Mr. Jaguar, and, possibly, I will never see him again. But, as I started drinking, William crashed, too.


“… I will take no more anti-aggression injections. Also, William and I are going to quit drinking beginning today.”

“From Wild Turkey to cold turkey, James?” Dr. Lauren says from Matushka’s tea table.

… and The Lemhi Pass has a -8 mins time leak, which is a potential security risk. But this is for Prince Moret’r office… The leak was discovered by Lady Anne through my Arkchil Record logs, because that day my entire team was too drunk to see that we crossed the Pass in -8 minutes. That was tremendously inappropriate of me.”




‘The decision was made that I’m to marry BOTH William AND Dr. Lauren. God help me with what I’m to say next.”

Lady Anne is holding Henry upright, but his head is hanging low, his posture hunched. It is looking like he knows what is coming, even as he is heavily sedated.

“William will be my First Spouse, my Star.”

Professor Conroy closes his eyes and lowers his head as we all look at him.

“Henry/Krotkie will be my Second. Not because I love him less. But strictly by seniority.”

Lady Anne is watching her bridgeplate, as James is coming to the part that is most important to her.

Dr. Lauren is going to be my Alpha. However, there is a problem wit this arrangement. In PREVIOUS EPISODES I never looked where I was asked not to look, and I did not, and then I was blamed for not seeing what William was doing to me, then fast forward five years ago - what Henry was doing to me, and then Sheba Reddington (Samuel fo Salem) was accused of sneaking in her agenda behind my back, making an “idiot out of Regent Kellspell who is supposed to be a psychic”. So, I have had enough of this, and, finally, with the NEW member of our team, I DID LOOK.”

Lady Anne tenses up and now I REALLY want to know what the cat just dragged in.

“There are at least THREE counts of sexual misconduct against Dr. Lauren, from his female psychiatric patients.

Lady Anne takes a jagged breath, and Matushka closes her eyes.

“None have come forward during his life, HOWEVER, shit does not get wiped off your resume as soon as you die. There is NO death, and you darn well know it. It means, that ANY of them can STILL come forward and put a claim against the Golden Thread Ritual between me and Dr. Lauren. I feel like I cast a net, and now the net is dragging in more and more stiffs. SO, BITCHES… GOOD THING I LOOKED!” Jim raises his voice and looks around the room in a threatening manner. “I have contacted the Headquarters of Tigress&Jaguar, Prince Moretr’s Office, AND Uri Kumlatov. Like, people, this time, I have hit every button I have on my control panel so that stuff does not come and bite us in the ass in 6 months. THEREFORE….”

Lady Anne swallows hard and throws a desperate look at Dr. Lauren, who is smoking Jim’s cigarettes rather calmly, standing halfway in the sliding door.

“James, did you let them know that you REALLY need the author of the Conroy/Lauren diagrams for your work? Maybe that would soften them?” Lady Anne finally breathes out into Jim’s shoulder.

“Yeah, about that. It turns out that Dr. Lauren IS NOT the author of Conroy/Lauren Diagrams.”

The bombshell goes right over MY head, because I really don’t care who is the author of the diagrams. But William’s eyes go as wide as the the owl that just met a tree trunk.

Lady Anne takes a few steps back away from James, stumbles, and lands on the bed. I help her up, as she brings her hands to her face.

Dr. Lauren remains unmoved.

“I have taken the diagrams as I know them, and I compared them to the matrixes in your mind, Dr. Lauren. That required an unauthorised entry into your memory, but I don’t give a shit anymore. And when I conducted the comparison, I found no link. You DID not discover these diagrams. You were USING them just like me and Mr. Hot Lips over here.” Jim points at Dr. Conroy, standing by his left shoulder, as if glued to it. “But you did not discover them. Now, how did you come into the POSSESSION of those diagrams is still anyone’s guess. But you are not the author. Therefore, I cannot not play that card with the Council, your patients, or anyone for that matter.”

“Where do you think I got them from?” Dr. Lauren’s tone is challenging.

“That does not matter for this discussion, Dr. Lauren. What matters is you want me to Golden Thread you, and I BARELY KNOW YOU. When I married Richard Rockford, at the very least we had a relationship. He snared me with a spell 20 years ago, and I always kept tabs on the man via that link. You, sir, just fell on my head. And what I asked from Prince Moretr’s Office was a TRIAL PERIOD of six months. The Golden Thread Ritual has already begun, it cannot be stopped, and it cannot be “undone”. It is also forever, once solidified. I have asked for 6 months before it becomes polished and final, as a flimsy insurance. Just in case, if one of your patients comes out.”

“Or the author of the diagrams shows up.” I suggest, making notes in my bridgeplate.

“Her is the thing with the diagrams - I have ALWAYS doubted that William channeled those. It was WAY above his level of the understanding of the Universe. Once it was discovered that William took them from Dr. Lauren, I was shocked at the fact of the theft, but then it kind of matched in my head. And maybe, I figured, Lauren knows something I do not. And I would have never looked, if Mr. Robin Lauren did not want to jump into my bed via the Golden Thread deal. This is when i conducted an investigation, and found out the obvious and the inevitable - Dr. Lauren DID NOT channel the diagrams either. By now, I challenge ANYONE on this planet to come out and say that THEY were the author. And I don’t think anyone would answer. These are way above anything I have ever seen a human produce. So, I’m not worried about the authorship of the diagrams. It is not from Earth. Dr. Lauren’s patients, however, is a whole another huge time bomb.” Jim’s lips stretch in a forced smile.

The wind picks up and it brings the rain. But Dr. Lauren does not come in. He continues to stand in the doorway, smoking Jim’s Marlboros - one after another.

Weeping is heard from behind me.

“Yeah, totally, my Lady.” James walks to Lady Anne. “You KNEW that, as a doctor, he did wrong by crossing all the lines. But you THOUGHT that he only did it with YOU, because he LOVED YOU. What he REALLY did was use his position of authority to turn you into his sex slave and his puppet, for that matter. But you BELIEVED that this was the “UNIQUE AND SACRED CONNECTION” that you shared with your beloved Dr. Lauren. It turns out he went after quite a bit of his patients. You were just ONE OF THEM. Thirty years your senior, and highly versed in human psychology, he twisted you any way he wanted. With him in mind, you spent almost two years working for me FOR FREE, taking care of my wounded men, never saying a word, HOPING that at the right time I will remember your selfless service, so you could influence me to take up your beloved Dr. Lauren.”

Lady Anne releases a scream and falls on the floor right through her bridgeplate that explodes in colors and dissipates.

Last time it was Sheba Reddington who collapsed through her bridgeplate in this very room 7 months ago.

Matushka stands up from the table and runs to pick up and comfort Lady Anne.

“And these are the results of the investigation in connection with Dr. Lauren’s request to join our team.” James gives everyone a bright smile. “Now, that being said, Dr. Lauren, I personally don’t give shit who you stole those diagrams from, or how many of your patients you duped or coerced into having sex with you. You are a great top, a capable manager and you always have drugs on you. You also, possibly, OD’d enough times that you know every doctor in town. You offered to share all that bounty with me if I let you in.”

Lauren is now staring directly at James, the cigarette in his hands slowly going out.

“You will find out, sir, that I could not care less about any of your crimes. And the Mexican standoff will not do us any good. Where is that cocaine you were talking about yesterday?”

“James!” Matushka exclaims, leading Lady Anne away from the bedroom and onto the Mood Rug that explodes with flashing deep, dirty purple as Lady Anne sits on it, sobbing unconsolably.

“It’s all good, my Lady.” Kellspell responds. “This is what you’all wanted, right? A thorough investigation into the new member’s past. Or, a background check. Here you go.”

“Should we notify Lady Tigress of these incredible findings?” I ask, breathing hard, wondering how Jim can be so cold about it.

“You do that, my love.” Kellspell, then turns to Dr. Lauren. “Lets go before Isaak pelts us with a bottle. I say we do coke now, then I must go for a run. Then we fuck Conroy together. You’re 80% straight. So, you’re not going to want Smith. You can have Lady Anne any time you want. Then I have a chemistry class with Kumlatov. Did you study biology at the U? Are you a good doctor? I will need your expertise. Excited to finally have some brains on the team. Also, because you’re such a cool man, I will absorb you and protect you from those bitches’ claims, if any. Just don’t flip on me. And remember - karmic debts are NOT dischargeable in a moral bankruptcy.”





“You are a lot more fun than Conroy.” Kellspell points to his “First Spouse, his ‘Star”: William, bring Dr. Lauren something to eat from the kitchen!”

William nods and makes a few steps out of the bedroom.

“William, wait.” Lauren stops him. “See, James, I’m not an animal like you. I can’t eat just anything, while on the go. I have to sit down. It’s 8:03 am, and I’d like some BREAKFAST FOOD.”

“Breakfast food”? That’s stupid. There is a can of tuna behind the microwave. I hid it for a rainy day. It can be opened without the can opener. Perfect for your paws. I will share it with you.”

“No, James, I’d like HUMAN BREAKFAST FOOD.” Dr. Lauren gives James one of his classic wide, deep, frigid smiles.

“Oh!” Kellspell is suddenly pierced by Lauren’s skill to take you out with a powerful facial expression that only works if you had sex with him. Somehow, after that, his mannerisms bring you down, force you to become dependent on his judgement. “Sure! Breakfast food! That’s an amazing notion! How did you come up with it? Would you like to go to “Inner Dinner”? They serve what I believe can be seen as human breakfast food.”



During the breakfast at Inner Dinner.

Dr. Lauren is having eggs and bacon. James is talking. I stand behind Jim’d left shoulder with the bridgeplate, witnessing everything, as per thhe rules. William is t the left, also, but right by him, side by side. Lady Anne is to Jims’ right, as the Liaison and the Adviser, as ordered by Lady Tigress.

“So, what kind of wedding ring would you like, Dr. Lauren? Ibthink ruby will do us good. You’re red-hot, sir.” James snaps his fingers and a large bucket of roses appears on the table by Lauren’s side.

“That is very nice of you. Better than conjuring guns and whips out of air, James.” Dr. Lauren smiles as the leaves fall from the maples outside. The Inner Dinner windows look on the other side of the Rubinstein Compound. And there, on that other side, it is almost always fall, in remembrance of Bruno Libra, Andromeda’s national hero. It was his favourite backdrop.

I could go into plenty of Andromedan lore, watching James and Dr. Lauren enjoy each other’s company at breakfast. James is not eating. He has no desire for food. He is addicted to drugs and alcohol. So, despite the fact that he said “William and I are not going to drink anymore”, he is drinking Canadian Whiskey, kindly provided by Mr, Leonard Rubinstein, who acquired these premises four years before James was brought here by Moretr and Kumlatov.

‘This is not for you. This is for your LADY. You’re now occupying the apartment between Dr. Michael’s and Isaak Milgram, right?”

“True.” Lauren responds very caferfully.

“Yeah, here is the story. This early morning I went outside to pee, despite the danger of getting hit by an empty “Red Label”… And despite the fact that they try and make me use the human toilet. That’d device does not smell right. Anyway, um, and this man throws a handkerchief at me, from the window of the apartment, previously occupied by Lady Lion and Tia Demetra, bless their hearts. They owned us for one winter, holding us over for Lady Tigress. You know Tia Demetra, do you?”

“I do!” Dr. Lauren responds, finishing his bacon. I’m so hungry I feel like grabbing the food from his plate. So is William. But we can’t, until James and Dr. Lauren are done with their meeting.

“Then Lord Sedgefield lived there with his lovely spouse Ian, and they went back to London… Anyway, I smell HIS handkerchief and I KNOW that it is a SHE. The handkerchief has a name on it. It reads “Daniella”. I’m like - oh, cool. You know anything about that?”

“Maybe.” Dr. Lauren wipes his mouth and gives James his “clad in concrete” cold smile.

“So, then I found out that it is a biological male, but a transgendered woman. A sassy one. Cute, intelligent. And you’ve been with her, maybe on and off, since 1995. Her name is Daniella, and she is upstairs in your apartment as we speak. Does that ring any FUCKING BELL, sir?! WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU BROUGHT A WOMAN WITH YOU INTO A SECURED AREA, SERIOUSLY, WHY EVERYONE IS TREATING ME LIKE AN IDIOT?!” Kellspell finishes skis speech, creaming. But, since his voice is so low and hoarse, it comes out like a cat that is being strangled.

“Not “idiot”, Mr. Kellspell. A “rube”. I like that better. Uneducated, unsophisticated, rigid and narrow-minded.” Dt. Lauren answers, and digs into his over-easy eggs.






James Kellspell, LEVEL1:

12:12PM
“I need help. H.M. is berserk, he is throwing everything away - all my supplies, and the Tupperware and the plastics. He will also find ALL my A-stashes in that bedroom. Father, please help me. PLEASE HELP ME.”

12:15pm: Thank you. Temporarily, his heart was softened. He left to the garage, irate and huffing. I need to wait 15 more minutes, and then I will take two doses at once to become oblivious to the emotional pain he is causing me. Still must exercise today. Feeling fat from the injections. Please help me not to kill myself today. Technically, there is nothing better that I want, that to hang myself, and have him walk on my body in the closet. Just like Sarah.”

12:40pm: I hid the stashes elsewhere. Whatever else he does in the bedroom, I don’t care. H.M. is in the garage, getting high, I assume. Good idea. I sent You four images of the boxes in question (20UKJaguar). Of all things, I could be cheating on him with other men, I could be. An addict, I could be an alcoholic, and I could be spending all of his money as a revenge for the way he treats me. But all I do is hoard plastic packaging after we no longer recycle (he never supported my efforts to re-connect with a recycling facility after COVID took out or recycling centre). The point is - he is 50% responsible for my hoarding problem. AND, he only attacks me when he is unbalanced. In other words, he brushes off “his” ego, that keeps on pointing to my shortcomings. I feel like Beatrice from ‘MENInBlack”. Ha, that was an excellently performed, typical abused wife. I’m facing a 6-month field trip with him to Malachite Constellation. Still no other engagements in sight. Also, M is not planning to deliver any blue ksill. I will be on A and cigarettes there. Frankly, I will turn on the countdown of when I will drink and smoke myself to death. Why not just pick your favourite color rope and hang yourself in the closet. I say blue. Time drags on as I’m drinking in the bedroom, and he is smoking in the garage. We wanted to go send money to Dobry, and now he wants to divorce me. Which, obviously, will be a relief. But it ain’t gonna happen. Don’t hold your breath.”

His bridgeplate glows deep dirty yellow, as James slowly transpires on the bed here on Level 2.

‘I caught everything you wrote while being attacked by H.M. on Level 1.” I say, somewhat proud of myself, while fully aware that James may not be in the mood to congratulate and praise me.

James waves his right hand and I get the view of the window of his bedroom on Level 1 in Genesis17. “Watch that window. If we miss him coming from the garage, and he sees me communicating on the bed, I’m dead. When H.M. comes in, he MUST see me cleaning something to calm him down a bit. Where is William?”

“Here.” Conroy comes out of Henry’d bedroom.

“Oh.” James is taken aback. “You went to see Henry? How is he? How did he receive you? Was he pissed?”

“Would you let me handle Henry?” William lowers himself on his knees slowly and starts kissing Jim’s left hand.

“Get on the bed.” James orders, while watching the window on Level 1.

Conroy lays by James on the left side, as Krotkie moves to make room for William’s feet.

“You will never regret your suffering. Your pain will be greatly rewarded by God.” William kisses Jim’s cheek.

James turns his head and catches his lover’s lips. “My whole life I felt like I was walking barefoot on burning ambers, while pushing through the ever-narrowing walls of sharp shards, broken glass. Every single hour, of every single day of my life.”

“I owe you everything…” William whispers before he embraces James and brings his face to his as close as he can.

William will say anything to get James to have sex with him.

“Conroy caught Jim’s bottom lip!
Tender, but a mortal grip.”

Oh, for the love of God, here comes the writing app. In the most of inopportune moments! How do I turn it off?

Lady Anne, tearful, but on duty, is reading the same thing on HER bridgeplate. Jim’s invention, popping up like Jack-in-the-box, brings smile to her bitten, bleeding lips.

Today she found out SO MUCH about her beloved Dr. Lauren, that she should have run off the set of “Emerald Filament” never to come back.

Instead, she walked, worked and talked her way through it, while weeping, howling and biting her way through her emotional pain of knowing that Dr. Lauren had numerous OTHER patients, with whom he also had intimate relationships.

“But when I met you back in 1981, you were my dream come true. Tall, blonde, blue-eyed, full of shit, permadrunk omega with his ass constantly in the air, like a cat in heat - everything a crazy beta could possibly want.” James says into Conroy’s hair.

“And then Dr. Lauren told me that he will love me forever.” Lady Anne comes closer to me, after we’re done laughing at the pranks of the poem-writing app. “And that brought me to my knees… I was twenty, and no one had ever said anything quite as beautiful to me before…”

James had already pulled off William’s pants, and is doing him on the bed, both moaning. “…I knew it was not going to end well. You were too gorgeous, too docile, too fake, man. And then…” Kellspell growls and pulls out. “And then I woke up next to a LIZARD!”

“Two days ago you fucked a wolf!” Conroy whispers as Kellspell pulls out and rubs himself, not wanting to come into William.

“That’s not a “wolf”. That’s my TEACHER! I lived with him for 3 years before he DeVo’ed in my arms… Sex was the best part of our relationship! What was I supposed to do? Stop fucking him, out of fear of being accused of bestiality? Well, fuck you. It’s not the point, WILLIAM!” James smacks Conroy’s head from behind. “Maybe now, knowing what true love is, I’m NOT afraid to fuck a DeVo-ing partner. But 40 years ago I was terrified to have awakened next to a Comodo Dragon. And then…

“You can come, James. Mr. Jaguar is no longer your employer, forbidding you to come until you ask for permission.” Lady Anne says with a playful smile on her face.

“Oh!? Yeah!” Kellspell nods, mounts Conroy again, and after a while, comes with a hoarse scream.

“…and then, William…” James wipes his penis on the blanket, and Krotkie eagerly licks the blanket, and then Jim’s privates. “You’d wake up from those visions, and you had a SUNTAN on your face. This fair skin of yours would turn RED upon the awakening from a lifetime as a Commodo Dragon in some desert. William, there is only this much I could take of this crap, man…” James sits on the bed and tears well in his eyes as he pats the wolf and rubs his ears.

Conroy, naked and slim, slides off the bed and kneels in front of James.

“Don’t try to placate me, William. I will make you serve Dr. Lauren for the shit you did to him. Fuck! You worshipped him. You were his bitch for ten years. And then you stole his intellectual property and escaped. What gives, seriously, man?”

“You are infatuated with Dr. Lauren, James, just as much as I was, young and inexperienced. Just as much as Lady Anne is. He uses his charm to take you down, subdue you, and use you for his purposes. You will find out, James, that you ARE the “rube” he says you are.” Conroy kisses Jims’ feet and caresses his hips.

“You flipped on him and then you flipped on Mary. You flip on people, William. You are a flake.” James is obviously enjoying the attention Conroy is giving him in the most subservient way.

“You will find Dr. Lauren’s behaviour demanding, overtaxing and deceitful.” Conroy continues, now breathing heavily between Jim’s legs.

“You’re just an ungrateful bitch for everything Dr. Lauren has done for you, William. I know you want to give me a blowjob, just like Dr. Lauren taught you. Talking about being deceitful. You TOLD ME that I was your first man, while you would put out like a Roman prostitute. The year is 1983, you’re between my legs back in our warehouse, just like right now, and I’m thinking - there is no bloody way this young man is telling me the truth. And if he is lying to me about his past sexual experiences, then what else is he lying to me about?”

“Can we not go into this right now, James… Can you please just spread your legs? You will not regret it.” Conroy is trembling and I can almost see his hunched, heaving back steaming with passion.

He is not acting. This would not work with James. James sees right through you. But if anyone was to take Jim down, this would be William Conroy. A disgraced Professor, dumped by James, still in love, forever smitten by Kellspell’s charisma.

“You’ve got ten minutes before my chemistry class with Kumlatov. I warn everyone, people. Kumlatov will be pissed today. His dirty laundry was aired out on “Time Paradox & Seashell Effect” today. I wish every single one of you bitches on the Emerald Filament Show would understand the stress I’m under.” James lets William spread his legs and lick every inch between them.

Still stressed, Kellspell plows on: “After we hit the Pearly Gates, and those who had had enough, can disembark in the Hands of God (WAKE UP, it’s just waking up!), the REST of us will come with me to live on this lovely planet called “MEOL”. Abbreviation for “Morning Emerald Of Loyalty.” And LOYALTY I will ask of you, you spawn of the devil. There, every single one of you will REGRET DEEPLY that you did not disembark at the Pearly Gates. That being said, there is still a stubborn string of people that agree to come with me to help the Andromeda Galaxy find its ass with both hands. William, why did you sign for the Mission? What is your fucking problem?” James tries to squeeze his legs and push Conroy out, but it is too late. Conroy is latched on and engaged.

James finally gives into Conroy’s expert caress, falls on the bed, his face losing its twisted wrinkles, his eyes glazing over.

“I signed for the Mission because I want to belong to you forever, James.” William whispers into Kellspell’s thighs.

‘And you both will be mine.” Dr. Lauren walks out of Henry’s bedroom, wearing a silk dressing gown, and holding four large rings, all silver, with a big red stone. “Daniella wants in on the deal. And if you marry her in, she will owe you big time, and if not, she ill creep up in the middle of the night and bite your dick off. Your choice.”





                DANIELLA LAUREN ( WITH ROBIN LAUREN)
                ( CAME TO STROBULUS: 20UKJAGUAR)



‘So, I’m telling him - James, please! But he puts ANOTHER rock into his backpack, making it 30 pounds, then put the backpack on his back and walks for three miles. The NEXt very day his knee is hurting! Apparently, he re-injured his right knee!”

“Re-injured?” William lifts his head, a cigarette in his hand.

“A martial arts injury, about ten years ago. He started martial arts about two years after you guys broke up.” Daniella rubs her face with her well-manicured hands in a tired manner.

“After he LEFT me.” Conroy corrects.

‘Well, yes.” Daniella agrees. “Anyway, here I am - my first day working on the set, and my first day babysitting James - and I LET HIM DO THIS!”

“If it is any consolation, Ms. Lauren, two days BEFORE THAT he fell on MY watch, he fell forward, and the 20 pound rock inside of his backpack fell on his back as James fell on his knees against a descending rocky path.” Lady Anne’s lips stretch in a tormented smile.

“Oww..” James howls on one leg and comes back to bed. “Boy, did I not see it coming?! Fuck, how will I exercise now?”

“My first day on the set!” Daniella weeps on Jim’s bed.

“You guys are funny.” James rubs his right knee and admires his new ruby ring of

Carlton/Hafnian-H.M.\Conroy\Kellspell - RLauren\DLauren
AMALGAMATION


“James, you’re afraid to gain weight due to injections.” Lady Anne reminds.

“Prince Moretr will take care of it.” James polishes the ring and then blows non-existent dust off it. “I’m no longer in charge. And if I trust Melekh, He will fix everything.”

“What are you going to do?”
;‘File an injury report, and filibuster for 2 months until Malachite Constellation field trip, and there there is a swimming pool on the premises. Whatever weight I gain in there, even if my knee does not get better - I’ll shed it swimming. That’s it. And by then it will have been 4-6 months, and maybe Dr. Lauren thinks he refers me to some doctor. But all that would be in Malachite Constellation. And if you excuse me, now I have to go spend time with my youngest. H.M.”

We nod in approval.

‘Krotkie, William, with me.”





DaniellaLauren: “What are YOUR problems?”
RegJKellspell: I’m an alcoholic. I go through 2 bottles of whiskey a day.

DaniellaLauren: We can help you with that.
RegJKellspell: Help me by lasting more than 6 months on the Project. Rockford came like a lion, and he was led away in handcuffs only 2 months later. Mr. Jaguar was a WWII AirForce pilot, and 6 months later he was taken down, charged with kidnapping. William Conroy was not even 1 month here and he has not been sober in 3 weeks. And here I am, trying to find a father for Henry. I need YOUR plan on how to last 6 months, relatively sober, alive and without breaking the law.

DaniellaLauren: Robin and I might have solutions.
RegJKellspell: God help you.

DaniellaLauren: We’re not in the best place right now in our marriage. Robin was married to a woman when he was killed.
RegJKellspell, to himself: Loyalty-Honor-Service. I can’t just drink myself to death. I owe the project to stay alive. What do you want from me, Ms. Lauren?

DaniellaLauren: Help me save my marriage to Robin and I will make us last 6 months.
RegJKellspell: How? Dr. Laurin broke two Covenants with two separate wives, and then he died on the third. And you want him to be with you while he is supposed to be with his third wife. There is no legal way I can fix your relationship with a man who is already married. I can only help within legal rules.

DaniellaLauren: Will you ask Melekh Shel Zahav? Tell Him I have True Love for Dr. Robin Lauren. Weirder things happened.
RegJKellspell: Sure. How will it help deal with my weight gain, which worries me more than my alcoholism?

DaniellaLauren: I will help you handle that if you help me retain Dr. Lauren.
RegJKellspell: I will help you retain Dr. Lauren if you help me lose weight.

DaniellaLauren: You’ve got yourself a deal.
RegJKellspell: Welcome to my family. A quick briefing on the pecking order: although you may be biologically a male, you identify as a female, so I submit to you.



Lady Anne: My lady James found a dead spider in the swimming pool and he is trying too ice him CPR what do I do



                RUBINSTEIN COMPOUND 

                DAILY NEWSREEL








“Did you go to church? You told me you would.” What is this, James?” William throws a handwritten note at his, now, spouse. “I never told you I was going to go to church, what the fuck? Are you making fun of me?”

“Shhh…” James takes the note and hides it in his belt pouch. He now wears a belt to see how much weight he gained a day now with the injections, and his inability to exercise due to the injured knee. “That one was delivered to you in error. Today is Darler’s Bday, and then, 17 years since the death of Merion’s father. Merion was supposed to light two candles  in church - one for Darler, and one for his dad. Krotkie must have misunderstood me, and gave the note to you, instead of holding it until tomorrow.”

‘I see.” Conroy nods. But even after the explanation, his facial expression does not change from accusing.

“Is it me, or is he leaking passion?” James elbows me with a happy, satisfied smile.

It must be you, because all I see is William leaking disdain. Like “you made me this way, you hurt me, and you’re responsible for my misfortune.”

“James, let me remind you that you’ve injured your knee, and now you can’t exercise. You’re already 138 pounds, and you will be 150 by the time we get to Malachite Constellation.” I’m desperate to bring EVERYONE’s attention to Jim’s plight instead of playing into ANOTHER drama queen’s performance.

Now it is William Conroy. Maybe that is why Henry Carlton is not awake yet. He senses competition.

How many drama queens can drug-addicted, weight-gaining James Kellspell handle on one particular day, anyway?

“Oh, I’m way below the limit. I’ve seen fatter nuns. If persistent calorie proficit due to medicine is my only fault, I’m almost a saint! No one is going to get hurt when I hit 150 pounds.” James waves me off. “Now, can you get me in touch with Ms. Lauren, for we have a conversation to conduct.”


‘I will help you with your karmic sons. Help me with what WE need.”




On the plane to Detroit:

“This assignment is going to show how really addicted I am. I will either drink until I’m totally overweight, or I will smoke myself to death. But I can’t handle it anymore. My life’s empty. I have nothing to look forward to, but drugs.”

“I need you to understand that ALL of your addictions come from your longing for God.” Lady Anne waves her hand over her bridgeplate, and it slowly changes colors under her palm.

“I agree.” James nods. I’m already there to see it.

“Well, of all people YOU know WHY you were born. You are here because you need to save EVERYONE from the incorrect thinking. Wake people up from the INCORRECT protocols. Father wants you in our ranks, and Jaguar does not take kindly to whining soldiers who refuse to do their job.”

“True all that.” James nods. “You made me feel better even as I can’t take any drugs now.”

“Now, go to the bathroom while you can and sleep while you can. There will be a lot of work to do for us.”

“I feel totally better. How did you do it?” James is amazed at feeling better, he takes William’s hand and smiles. “Thank you, Lady Anne.”

“We ALL want to feel useful, James. You think me to be “The Chosen One”, but I’m just like you and I have been where you are now. I can always help.”


On this day, the birthday of Elizabeth, Jim’s adopted daughter, the year of Jaguar:





                THE LESSONS OF ROMULUS, MI:
(RegJKellspell: Dva znamenia ot William, as we were driving through. Dead nuts in the MIDDLE OF MUGGLE REALITY. I was floored and elated)



CLASSIC JAMES BY Wallace Smith:

Lady Anne: “My Lady Ti, James jumped into the fountain, grabbed a large drowned spider and is now giving him a CPR! What do I do?!”


Back from Detroit, and the THREE weddings that took place there:

James was FINALLY LEGALLY taken by Jaguar, as our Supreme Alpha, on behalf of Lady Tigress.

James was FINALLY cleared to take William Conroy as his LEGAL WEDDED First Omega (Darler is officially out, as Patricia took him and smacked Jim for usurping her husband for decades on end)

James announced that Dr. Robin Lauren/ Ms Daniella Lauren Amalgamation will go through this same week.

As per Dr. Lauren’s nostalgic request, The Wedding took place on the grounds of Detroit Day School where Dr. Lauren was a student together with H.M. step-sister Amee Sternhill.

Jaguar then took James in a very special place, at Cranbrook, and impregnated him, using the Andromedan technologies given to him at his request.

I have two hours to tell the story of what happened in Detroit, and it just does not seem enough.

Jim saw so much, he wanted to share with me so much, but ABOVE ALL he needs to go to the bathroom right now, and. After that he will give us his plan on how to stop being whiny, complain a lot, seek faults with Father (typical ego-controlled behaviour), and stop substance abuse.

He has big plans, he wants to quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, and he wishes the quality of blue ksill available to him is BETTER than the one he is using right now.

His biggest disappointment was that the blue ksill in Detroit is about four times stronger, and, if he had access to the substance of such strength in Genesis17, he’d no longer need to drink, or even smoke cigarettes. He did not drink for 2 days, for as long as he was on extremely strong Detroit Blue Ksill. I don’t know what we can ever do about that. Our supply chains are shaky, to become non-existent in Malachite Constellation.

All in all he claims he wants to be FREE from substance abuse, but he watches the clock for his NEXT dose (he gets 1 hexagon a day - 6 units), so he can FEELL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF.



James Kellspell: Wallace, Kulus is totally FUCKED. Give her another 10 years, and she will burn through the money Isvakar left her, to be destitute again. Ask he how little I care. By THEN ALL OF US will safely be back by the Pearly Gates. Ask me how little I care when the bitch shows up at my door, destitute, having burned through ALL of her available resources, just like Kyle.

Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: What is your status on William Conroy?

Reg JamesKellspell: I’m only telling this to you because we have 2 hrs to kill, and I can’t shut up. William is 71, and TERRIFIED of death. Medical conditions, and such. The poor man said, and I quote: Dr. Christopher and Dr. Robin are already dead, and I’m next.”

Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: What did you answer him?

RegJKellspell: I said: “Bog s taboi, Lubimii, there is no “death”. It’s just Awakening. And I will be there when you wake up, for you have given yourself to me, and now I’m responsible for you. Loyalty-Honor-Service bridgeplate will get us to God, and He will cleanse, heal and release you from the last of the ego-protocol.”

WallaceSmith: I love it when you open doors for us, James.

RegJKellspell; You think miracles took place this trip? Wait till we get closer to the Pearly Gates. I will be able to raise dead by then. Kulus said that I’m carrying an “cross”. S=She saw it on my astrological chart. I say it is bullshit, and let the bitches have a way with my birthday, but a cross? She is right on.

WallaceSmith, carefully: She is.

RegJames Kellspell: William, though, I have no idea what’s up his ass. A lifetime worth of UNBELIEVABLE achievements, and he’ been WHINING at my door, literally, for decades. I wanted to forget him, because I felt that I WAS SO FORGOTTEN BY GOD. I felt - ok, fucking William is a professional, and he is raking the fruits of his EDUCATION. A lifetime of cool engagements. EVERYONE wants Professor Conroy! And then, here he is, sending me silly love songs. You, too, Wallace. There is no point poking you, or Krotkie - ALL of you SAW LIFE, while all I saw was plowing my way back to God. I did not see any fucking life. I was indentured. I never had any money. I worked to support my mother, basically. My mother, my ex, and a bunch of poor shmucks. No one will EVER mention THAT. Who gives a shit that I gave ten years of my life fighting for the rights of Russian religious refugees? I will die in obscurity. I will probably drink myself to death with Letorn Borilis Channel looking down at me from the attic. And I’m OK with that. I’m now engaged with Jaguar.

Wallace Smith (crying my eyes out. What am I supposed to respond to that?): He engaged you, and not us. So, you were Chosen by the CHOSEN.

RegJKellspell, sadly, tired, wishing the trip was through: Sure. This is what keeps me going. His attention. Lady Tigress, too. I respect her even more. While my boss has assaulted the Covenant more than once, she only and ever was faithful to him. She kept her love for him. Always in her heart. He was her everything. He was what kept her going. And yet, I surrendered to the asshole.

WallaceSmith: It is because you are homosexual. Everyone knows that, and that is why 90% straight Jaguar is willing to open a 10% door for you.

RegJKellspell: God bless him for that. I feel like NO ONE wants me, and NO ONE care about anything I have to say. But as long as JAGUAR wants me. Let’s get some shut-eye, William, shall we? We’re still 6 hrs away from Genesis17.


5:07 pm Denver time.


REGJAMES_KELLSPELL: Fucking William pisses me off so. How dare he be SO MISERABLE when he experienced the FULL MEASURE of both MONEY and PROFESSIONAL RECOGNITION? You, too. But if I yell at YOU for that, you can’t take it. You will fall apart, cry, beg to be fucked. So will Krotkie.

WallaceSmith: We will be landing in 1 hr. 30 mins to get to the car. Can you NOT yell at us for one hour and 30 mins?

RegJKellspell: What good will it do? I’m not getting out of obscurity. It takes a SPECIAL PERSON, a God’s Favourite to be NOTICED. Who, AND WHY, will EVER notice ME? You ALL enjoyed a lifetime of being used and recognised.

Wallace Smith, to myself, with deep sadness: It does no good trying to drag James away from that one. It smells so good for him. Beating us up, it does. Time will pass, and we will ALL be forgotten. And ONLY remembered BECAUSE OF HIM. That is why SO MANY are trying to be NOTICED BY HIM. Sensing that, Kellspell had narrowed that bottleneck of entrance into his Uret so that ONLY the Gold Card holders could squeeze through.

I held a SILVER Card, and got in by the skin of my teeth. I was denied entry at least three times until Lord Henry Carlton, bless his heart, spoke for me, and told James to let me in.

James begrudgingly did so. I did not make him regret his decision to let me in to the team. I sought every opportunity to distinguish myself, and curry his favour.

To no avail. You’re so cute, Wallace, he says. Then he fucks me about twice a month, if that.

But William? Oh, yeah. As soon as James saw him at Jaguar’s, FUCKING (I’m sorry!) WILLIAM CONROY was an immediate shoo-in. Boy, did Jim get excited seeing his old flame he never forgot and never let go. All Professor Conroy had to do was show his Gold Card, and voila - he was in Jim’s bed right away.

Rather, the three of them - Jaguar, James and Conroy were inseparable together for the last three weeks of summer.

Jaguar cut me out and would not let me see anything. He also cut out Lady Tigress, pissing her off, and making her shut down the whole party because of that. Hungry for his sex slaves, Jaguar had gone a step too far for Lady Ti’s liking.

It’s all good now. Separated from Jaguar, James plunged into drinking, and was not sober for another three weeks.

He, then, offered his life, and his utmost, most ardent service, if Jaguar was allowed to see him again.

Jim’s favourites? Henry and Krotkie. And he never lets go of William. He fucks him every day. He keeps him by his side. He makes Conroy undress and kneel on the floor by his bed when he works. He barely lets him go to the bathroom.

Mr. Jaguar: “I want my slaves!” Boom - he gets James and William for the night. You should see their shamelessly happy faces as they’re escorted to Jaguar’s office.

Me? Who cares about me?

WilliamConroy: James, I’m old, I’m scared of death, and of all the medical conditions that come with it. Please help me not b afraid.”

James: I have not come up with a patch for that yet, hon. Gimme a couple more karmic hours.

Maybe, I’m afraid of the same thing. Did Jim have any words of consolation FOR ME?



RegJamesKellspell: I never got to do anything fun in life.

WallaceSmith: You never pay any attention to me, James.

William Conroy: I will not last much longer in this body, James. Help me not to be afraid of death…

LadyAnne: Quit whining, all three of you, for the Love of God.



RegJKellspell: Krotkie can’t read the menu, but he can sniff the air and know what the restaurant has to offer, right? (Nuzzles with the Wolf, slips him a piece of fried bacon)




WAKING UP FROM A WEEK-LONG “LESSONS OF ROMULUS” {INSERT}:


A quick run through the latest:



RegJKellspell to me: Wallace, fuck, what did you write here? Sometimes I wonder about you!

That was just about ALL the attention he could spare me in the 48 hrs since we’ve been back from the KELLSPELL-CONROY-LAUREN Amalgamation in Detroit.



RegJKellspell to Conroy: William, fuck, quit starving yourself! What the fuck is your problem?

FirstSpouseWConroy: There is no food here.

RegJKellspell: WTF? There is a bunch of tuna cans in the pantry - open one and eat!


RegJKellspell to Lady Anne: Lo and behold - thirty years later, here comes one - “I don’t have any karmic credits! Can you help me? Can you pay for my mom, too?” And then, five years after that, just like Henry predicted - plop! Another one falls from the same tree. “I’m so lonely and hurt… Feed me! Fuck me! Marry me!” WTF, bitches? Oh, what the heck. I took them both! And now I own a harem.





Interview with James for Black Hexagon of St. Merelion of Lar-Mur, these just pieces. I’ll put it together later. For now, there is simply not enough time. Archives, literally, pull the life out of you. I barely have time to go to the bathroom nowadays. Ok, here we go. More revelations about Jim and William’s life in the warehouse:


RegJKellspell: …and, you see, that is the reason I lasted 7 years with fucking, argumentative, stubborn William. Because every time I’d be rushing into our room in the warehouse to beat his ass for something…. He’d already be there for me, just the way I like ‘em…

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: Just for historical record - how do you like them?

RegJKellspell: Ok, this one time I SMELLED he went into an animal incarnation again, and I was on my way to confront him. What are we doing turning into reptiles when we should be exploring our lifetimes in the Roman Empire and Great Britain!? So I barge in the room that we took as our bedroom in the warehouse, and I’m getting ready to yell at him, and here he is - standing NAKED in the corner, behind the bed. With his eyes down, with his left hip towards me. You know - I can’t really see his dick, or his ass - just his left hip in the shadows. And he is looking down, with this shy, timid face… FUCK! I forgot everything I was going to say. I went right there, ordered him face down on the bed, and I totally raped him… Fast forward half an hour later, I’m asleep, and he - drunk and on drugs (hydrocodone!), regressing himself via Conroy Diagrams, hatching as a lizard somewhere in Cretacious! Here we go. What a manipulative, deceitfull man. He would do that to me just about every night.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: “via Conroy Diagrams”? Aren’t they “Lauren Diagrams”, because Professor Conroy stole them from his ex-lover?

RegJKellspell: That’s what we’ve been thinking this whole last month, since I found out William was more of a lying bastard than I thought. He did this to Dr. Lauren, he did this to Mary, and he did this to me.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: So, whose diagrams are they, Professor Conroy’s, or Dr. Lauren’s?

RegJKellspell: Neither! I failed to trace them to William, OR to Dr. Lauren. I DON’T KNOW who authored (or, rather, channeled) the Conroy-Lauren fucking Diagrams.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith, shaking my head, and thinking of the next question: In one of other interviews you stated that Professor Conroy was using Vicodine?

RegJKellspell, brushing me off: Oh, he was not particular. It’s what he could get in terms of doggie-downers. We weren’t doing puppy-uppers. Dr. Lauren was doing that for all of us. He was shooting C-O-C-A-I-N-E INTRAVENOUSLY. And then he turned around and had the balls to accuse William of being a drug addict! Besides, you don’t really NEED Vicodin. “Vicodin” is a fancy way of taking hydrocodone and acetaminophen together.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: You know quite a bit for a “rube”.

RegJKellspell: Wallace, honestly, I lived with a medical doctor for SEVEN YEARS. HE taught me all this. I could not care less.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: How do you know Dr. Lauren was doing cocaine intravenously?

RegJKellspell: He told me! Two weeks ago! I was like - how do you shoot powdered coke intravenously? And he’s like - you just dilute it with water enough, put it into syringe - and here you go.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith, to myself: WOW. To James: Let’s get back to sex as a distraction. If Professor Conroy was “doing this to you” almost every night… I’m sorry, Mr. Kellspell, but how stupid you should be to fall for ONE SIMPLE TRICK ALMOST EVERY NIGHT, darn well knowing that the only reason Professor Conroy is naked is because he is up to no good?

RegJKellspell, flustered, but ready to hold his ground: Well, you see, William was a PSYCHIATRIST. A trained medical professional. Those diplomas and papers in their office, they’ve got to amount to SOMETHING. He KNEW my nature - a Beta-shepherd dog. So, by acting like a sheep, he was playing into my instincts, and I could never resist. He was smart by exhibiting this demure omega behaviour, and I had no trump against such treachery.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: Why would he try to placate you anyway?

RegJKellspell: He was using my research data, and a few know-hows. He also needed my expertise of being able to retain the memory of regression. It’s the transition INTO THE BODY (birth), and not the physical death that cleans out your mind. He did not know that. Although that is kind of obvious, if you’re paying attention. Had he regressed himself into a single HUMAN life, he’d have known that right away. Stuff like that. Every time he’d be stumped, he’d ask for my advice. And, also, and apparently, he loved me.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: How can you even say the word “love” when you know that Professor Conroy had deceived you so many times?

RegJKellspell: Love or lust, but the air was thick with passion and emotion as he would stand in the corner, naked and looking down, waiting to be taken by me. I get hard just remembering all that. And besides, I’d not just fall asleep EVERY TIME after sex. Half the time I’d go with him into a regression. {his voice gets sad}.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: Why does this memory bring you down, James?

RegJKellspell (sighs, gets uneasy): Because it never worked. Every time I’d suggest we explore many lifetimes we spent together as humans, he’d go blank and give me no answer. I’d hate that pause. It meant that he was not even listening to me anymore. Once inside of his time-space capsule, or vehicle, he was already working his control panel as fast as he could to regress into some weird pre-historic critter. It’s like, the only time we would connect on the deepest of levels would be in bed. But then we’d go our separate ways. Or, rather, I was more than welcome to come with him, but it would be on HIS terms and where HE wanted to go. And I did. I went with him, because I just wanted to stay with him. I loved him. I loved him when I left him… I still do. I was all kinds of critters for him. I was a pterodactyl once.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: Wow!

RegJKellspell: Fuck, no, Wallace, it’s not ‘WOW”. After one of those lives there was only one VOW. I vowed NOT to regress as a critter anymore.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: Why?

RegJKellspell: Clearly, you’ve never done acid.

3rd Arkchil Operator WallaceSmith: No.

RegJKellspell: Sometimes you forget how to get a hold of God. In human incarnation you still have remnants of Father’s ego-blocked Code. But as an animal you lose every notion of God. And then you can’t even call for help when in trouble. I remember flying over the endless sea shore. Ocean on one side, and some low mountains on the other. The air was wet and warm, and I was flying North. One thing as a critter - you always know where you’re going. As a human I can’t tell North from a piano, but as an animal… Anyway, I remember flying North, because, I believed, that’s where William was. Or, rather, from an animal’s perspective, I sought love. And I knew that I lost it. I could not find William (love} anywhere, and I did not know how to “retrieve the necessary files”. When you’re a human, and you lost your love, you pray. But as an animal, that option is not available to you. So, then, I opened my mouth and screamed. I screamed with pain of loss. I flew over the gorgeous seashore, and there was plenty of food underneath, but my heart was breaking, and I screamed as I flew.




CLASSIC JAMES:

Jim’s prayer: “My Prince, please direct me into the woods where I can relieve myself.”

You could not make this up if you tried. You had to be there.

I WAS there.

Ever since James hurt his right knee by carrying too much weight in his backpack, he now has to do three WALKS a day to offset 1200-1800 calorie a day onslaught of prion-blocking medication (by a very painful injection). I mean, instead of just ONE RUN.

Due to his incontinence issues on Level 1, he, sometimes, has to go to the bathroom in the populated areas during his run :). Hence, the prayer. Lemhi Pass lasts only this long nowadays. And it will get even shorter as we get closer to Malachite Constellation Exit. But, by God’s Mercy, James will be able to SWIM there. It should relieve pressure on his knees, AND his permanently cracked heels.

He is looking over my shoulder now.

“Why are you writing about my body, Wallace? You have nothing better to do?” Regent Kellspell reaches out for my lips, and I melt. I do. I forget EVERYTHING. He is so tender, and yet, controlling. Is it possible? The best moments of my youth (if I had any) come back as he is kissing me.

“I love you.” I say stupidly, and I hate myself for how easily I get turned over, and how simple my mind gets when love sits on it. Apparently, I need nothing but HIS lips on mine.

“And a can of tuna.” James reads my mind relentlessly, and ALWAYS outs me. “Why are we even talking about it? Do you read RUBINSTEIN COMPOUND NEWSREEL?”

I do. It is one of my duties. And James knows this. He is upset, though and wants to bring my attention to the obvious.

“Friggin’ Clandeslux brought charges against me based on the evidence seized from a “lesser life form” in Western MEOL, Magellanic Cloud 17, Andromeda Federation.”

“Yes… I have read about it…” I begin, but there is no need. Once James starts talking, it’s like falling snow. The snow does not need anyone for it to fall. Neither does it care if anyone is watching, or listening. The snow JUST FALLS.

“First, bitches, Magellanic Cloud 17 is NOT Andromeda Federation per se. So, technically, Clandeslux HAS NO JURISDICTION there. Yet, they give me shit. Last time WE gave shit to the MEOL Parliament (and it was just a bribe!) our man Reddington was pushed off from the skies. This time, Leot’s Forces are THREATENING IMMEDIATE ACTION once I land on MEOL, and the Parliament sits there like a stunned hen!! Well, fuck you! We will have to defend ourselves!” James starts a cigarette and stands in the half-open sliding door, as Krotkie runs around the lawn in the late autumn sunlight of Jaguar’s Year.

Krotkie is THE ONLY ONE Mr. Milgram does not throw bottles at. DeVo is a terrifying thing, but it has its moments. It pays to be IQ 41. EVERYONE adores you.

“Is there anything that can be done?” I ask, unsure what my line is, if any.

“Nothing can be done, Wallace! Don’t be stupid, this is CLANDESLUX! I KNEW it was over when they tracked the signal to my feline friend. I should have never given in to the temptation to seek my kind in alien worlds! It’s too dangerous to reveal yourself before the Mission! Oh, woe me! Th Mission is over even before it started, because I fucked up! Now I’m going to get grabbed as soon as we land!!!!!”

“Maybe you should not worry about it right now. We’re good five years away from that point.” I venture, even as I was slapped the last time I honestly tried to have a conversation.

“The point… The point…’ James walks out and leans over to sniff Matushka’s roses. She also planted the mint, and Lady Anne walks around with a whole bunch of dried mint in her pockets, and lets Jim smell some when he gets agitated. It seems to calm him down somewhat. “I want to see YOU live at gunpoint, like that!”

“How about some mint?” I cross the bedroom in three desperate steps, rip a leaf off the plant, rub it between my fingers and stick it in Jims’ nose.

“A quality save…” James inhales, and his glance clears up. “What was I saying?”

“Good weather. You were commenting on how fresh the air is this autumn, the First Year of Jaguar.”

“Yeah!” James nods. “Would you like to go for a walk? I need to do my second one before H.M. comes back from golf (Level 1).

“SURE!” I respond a bit more eagerly than I planned. My legs hurt, and I get headaches, because I’m sixty one, but James does not see it this way. A Prophet’s time flows differently.



4:10pm 2UKS James Kellspell, patting himself on the cheeks: “Guys, I think I’ve got fever. I may have caught the dumb COVID at the dumb wedding, where, on at least TWO separate occasions I was asked by H.M. to TAKE OFF THE MASK. Who has words of consolation for your jittery navigator?”

Lady Anne: Worry not. It’s been taken care of, James.

RegJKellspell: What, Dr. Lauren has already gotten me a bed at Wheatland hospital?

LadyAnne: Better. You will see.





James Kellspell about his first (pseudo) AA Meeting:

“I say - My name is Jacob, and I’ve been an alcoholic for five years. And they laugh. I’m like - why are you laughing? What kind of AA meeting is this, anyway?

They laugh because I’ve ONLY been an alcoholic for five years. I became an alcoholic when I started dating Henry…”

You’re being told that the man started drinking because of his boyfriend’s behaviour. After words like that, what do you expect to see on the man’s face?

But it’s not what I see. James mentions Henry, and his face lights up.

I’m at a loss. What do I say? He is HAPPY to be with Henry, even as their relationship made him into an alcoholic.

AND, knowing HENRY CARLTON, I must add that it takes a special type of personality to be happy with him.

I simply can’t take too much of Lord Carlton for too long, regardless of the fact that I’m deeply grateful to him for everything he had done for me and others.

So, aced out, I go for the next best thing.

“Jacob”? What’s that, Mr. Kellspell? A new identity?”

“Jacob” is “James” in Hebrew.” My Mate looks upset, but in fact, he is drunk, therefore, less hurt.

“Who told you that?” I inquire. As Arkchil Operator, I have a right to ask questions, relevant to the Chronicles. The Arkchil Record, whatever you want to call it.

“Mr. Rubinstein, and he is a “cohen”. Like, a priest, Wallace. You don’t want to argue with a Jewish priest, OK? You’re not even Jewish.”

And I was not going to.









7 968 458 89 07   Merion









‘How do you know where in time you’d find your animal incarnation, if, as you say, all memory is blocked at birth?”

“Yeah, here we go. The tough part - when you’re BORN as a dumb critter, you DO NOT REMEMBER what you were BEFORE you were born. But…” James makes his famous Dramatic Pause. “But I PRESSED myself to REMEMBER. And if you do not let the waters of River Styx lull you into believing that you come from NOWHERE WITH NO MEMORY, which is bullshit, then you have this little call within you - YOU’RE DREAMING. FIND OUT WHERE YOU ARE. Answering that call, you strain your brain and you determine where you are.”

“And how would you do that, James?”

I REALLY want to know HOW he’d KNOW what age in history of the Earth he’d be born into?

“By the footprints on the riverside.” James responds confidently.

“Really? You knew what footprints belonged to what dinosaur, especially after your memory was wiped out?”

“No.” James shakes his head, taking no offence in my sneering tone.

The only reason I allowed myself such a tone with my treasured beta was because the script seems to call for mocking. Like, how could you know, blah blah. But deep inside of me I KNOW that James sure had an ingenious way of letting himself know here he was. Even as he may have lost access to his Root Directory.

“By the size of the footprints.” James shrugs. “The smaller - the closer to Christ’s birth, in general. Fast Forwarding three hundred million years, which was nothing to William at the time.”

Kellspell sighs and lowers his head.

‘Why long face, James?’

He just gave me an amazing clue, and he is so down.

“Because even when you notice large cat and wolf footprints in the sand, which, basically, coincides with the presence of humans (within 70 thousand years from the birth of Christ), you darn well KNOW that William DID NOT incarnate into a human. You come after him, you incarnate as a stinky critter, and you look for your love, high on drugs, crawling through the woods as a SNAKE! Do you know HOW MANY such hopeless lifetimes I spent looking for him?! You don’t get it, Wallace!”

James breathes in my face, irate. He took up a habit of darkening his eyebrows with black lipstick, and then drawing black circles around his eyes with the same lipstick. Now his eyes stare at me with all this makeup, a deranged cat, in a dire need of a fix.

‘What do I not get?”

“COUNTLESS HOPELESS lifetimes looking for him! This is when you get to the breaking point, and you say - I’m done with this man! It is not when I MET Kyle Merritt, as William claims. I DID NOT leave William for Kyle Merritt. I left William because I was DONE trying to SYNCHRONISE our regressions.”




Fun on the set of “Emerald Filament:
“You will see how special James is! Mark my words - he will WALK ON WATER in six months!” Lady Anne, faithfully, inspired.

James Kellspell, having heard that, patting himself on the stomach: “Bitches, I’ll have to lose at least 40 pounds for THAT stunt!”





“Where are you going, private, Jaguar stopped James, who was on his way to go for a smoke, as I was spying on them both upon Lady Ti’s orders…” Lady Anne takes a well-deserved breath, as we hold ours.

“Going for a cigarette, sir, Kellspell says.” Lady Anne makes big eyes at us for dramatic effect, and it works. Matushka leans in closer.

“Next thing I know Mr. Jaguar unzips his pants, pees on Jim’s cigarette, tells him to put it outside, and THEN makes him smoke it in half an hour or so.”

You’ve got to see the long faces in the room. Lady Ti, Matushka, and Lady Anne, too. But she seems to be more amused than disgusted.

The first one to recover is Lady Ti. She motions Lady Anne to her and vigorously whispers something into her ear.

“Got it.” Lady Anne responds and brings up her LHS SeaRock bridgeplate.

I see where this is going. There is no other reason as to both of these fine women are so flustered. Lady Ti is going to cross swords with Mr. Rubinstein. It’s all about publicity, and stifling it.

Watch this.

“Mr. Rubinstein,” Lady Anne says quietly into her bridgeplate that glows deep bright and dark purple, reflecting her unhappy state of mind. “We understand you watched too much “Star Trek”, and developed a fierce compulsion to tell the truth and report EVERYTHING that is going on here, but if my Lady Tigress sees the details of this private conversation in the RUBINSTEIN COMPOUND NEWSREEL tomorrow, you’ve got another one coming.”


My dear friends, you’ll never guess!
They’re trying to SUPPRESS THE PRESS!

I don’t know why Sheba did not like the poem weaving app. I use it freely and I welcome every time it pops up. A unique feature.





“James, we’re here to uphold the Intergalactic Equality Standards before we’re allowed into the legal boundaries of Andromeda Federation. These are the legal requirements. In order to enter, we’re required to end white supremacy.” Lady Anne is going through some documents on her bridgeplate.

“Uhuh. I’m all for it.” James nods with conviction. “It’s time to topple the fat WHITE cats to be replaced by fat BLACK cats.”

“I just want to make sure you’re not one of the white people that choose not to treat people of color equally.” Lady Anne frowns at James over the intense blue glow of her bridgeplate. I could never get it to glow at all.

“NO!” James shakes his head vigorously. “I’d never think of it!”

Sounds very good. And what you’d expect. But I KNOW James, and I know, that a PUNCH LINE is coming.

“I hate a successful black guy EXACTLY as much as I hate the white guy for the same thing. Be he, also, American Indian, Pacific Islander, or any other Indigenous dude - if he succeeded in life - my hatred is guaranteed regardless of your skin color. If I see him sitting homeless under a bridge, however - I will, then, give him exactly as much money as I would to a white guy in the same position.”

“I’ve had it with you, James!” Lady Anne swings her hands to the sides and the bridgeplate colours follow her hands both ways, unsure of which one to follow. The long strands of bright-purple and blue fill my eyes. “You’re the weirdest fucker I have ever met, and I met so many!!!”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.” James bows slightly, while sitting in bed.

He has cracked heels, that bleed, and he refused to do anything about it, until Lady Anne put her foot down (no pun intended) and smeared some ointment on him, and then made him wear socks (he hates that) and sit in bed between his classes.

“I knew you would.”  Lady Anne sighs, and runs her right hand against the right edge of the bridgeplate, making it regain its shape. “Dear Melekh, please help us to be more balanced, so we could help our faltering Navigator. Of course, no one is irreplaceable, and we can still reach the Pearly Gates without James Kellspelll…”

‘Hey!” James watches his bridgeplate and covers his mouth with his nhand in horror. “No one knows how to AWAKEN to the Pearly Gates. That is why it is taking so long: 4 karmic hours.”

“I do it in one, every night.” Lady Anne responds. “What did you receive?”

James is still staring at the bridgeplate, now glowing deep red. “CLANDESLUX has officially brought charges against me. Now I can’t go to MEOL, because I’d be immediately apprehended.”

“What kind of charges?” Lady Anne places both her hands over her bridgeplate and, when she takes them off, the message from Commander Uri Kumlatov about Clandeslux charges against James is on her bridgeplate. She just “Appropriated” Jim’s signal to pick whatever she needed. But to her high rank, Lady Anne can go through Jim’s (and my) bridgeplate and see ANYTHING.
;She has such a right, because she is a lot more compassionate than us. So, she must watch over our minds to make sure we’re not letting “our” ego torment us. This is all we want privacy for, apparently. We’re addicted to pain, and we put “our” ego there (we fell asleep, drunk, under it), so it torments us by saying things that are scary, but not true.


“Do not give in to Jim’s panic. I AM HERE. I can SEE You, I can HEAR you and I can FEEL you. Worry not about the charges. I will take care of it. Very soon you all will wake up in My Embrace. Melekh.”



Lessons with Mielada:
Much - íåèñ÷èñëèìûõ
Many - èñ÷èñëÿåìûõ
A lot of - ìíîãî
Enough - äîñòàòî÷íî


Much tears was shed about that
Shed 1
Shed 2
Shed shed shed

Much to be said about that

Many flowers grow on the field
Many mice live in the ground

Mouse
Mice

Cactus
Cacti
I fell into a  bed of cacti.

We saw a lot of ducks at that pond.”






Lady Anne: James, and yours truly:

Lady Anne: James,

Black Hexagon of St. Merelion Of Lar-Mur Broadcasting & Archives via Arkchil Network, Mesmerix planet, Kloritahan System, Lar-Mur, AF, wants to have an exclusive interview with you.”
;James: ‘Anything for Doc. Merelion’s people.”

Lady Anne: “You’re on, sir.”

A lilting Estelian voice via Jim’s LHS Searock bridgeplate: “Good morning, Regent Kellspell, how are you?

JK: Well, it’s 7:02 am, and I’ve been trashed on alcohol, blue ksill and cigarettes since 4:30 am. You tell me.”

St.Merelion HOST: You are amazing in your sincerity, Regent. Let me introduce myself.

Regent JKellspell: No, let me introduce you. You’re 53, young, ambitious journalist, contemplating suicide.

St.Merelion HOST, after a few seconds of stunned silence: Wow, ok. My turn. You’re 48,

{Estelians are more psychic than James, by a long run}

Regent JKellspell: {censored}

St.Merelion HOST: {cencored}”


3rd Arkchil Operator Wallace Smith: And THIS IS what I have to deal with. WHEN was it censored, and BY WHOM? I need the ENTIRE interview! Frustration on every turn.




6:50 am, and James has been through half a bottle of wine already.

‘I have a class with a kid in TEN MINUTES< Wallace, and all I want is to shoot YOU ALL AND MYSELF, because I can’t carry on another day without KNOWING THAT GOD LOVES ME.

“You have to be patient, James.” I say, and I know tat I have no right to say it.

I THINK I was VERY patient in my life, but JAMES THINKS that good stuff just kept on falling on my head like snow.

“Fuck it. I must do SOMETHING besides shooting up endless NES-sp. Let’s call Prince Moretr’s Office and order some illusion panels?”

Sure. I agree. I will agree to anything to avoid him targeting and ?hitting me for being “special in the Eyes of God”. He THINKS I was SPECIAL in the Eyes of God. Mercy me. I NEVER thought that. I thought Richard Rockford was special in the Eyes of God. But, mum’s the word. If he hears that, he’ll punch me out.

“Prince Moretr’s Office? Can you guys install an illusion panel with a fireplace, and then bring a nice, comfortable rocking chair with a plush blanket? What? NO! It’s not for me, fuck, bitches, what is your problem?! I’m only 49!”

Since James refused to take any more anti-prion injections, he can turn on a dime to become completely angry and violent with very little provocation.

“It’s for my First Spouse Willian Conroy! Yes, fuck, obviously! He is 71, AND he concealed a grave injury from me. Apparently he can’t even walk anymore! No wonder he held us all back on Lemhi Pass!! Fucking William NEVER told me a word of truth! Anyway, all you need to know is that I need accommodations for an elderly partner. And bring me five more bottles of red wine, 14%, will ya? Honestly, if not, I will shoot everyone. I hate everyone. You, too. Bring the panels or I will take a shit on your table, like a fucked up cat that I am.”

With that, James hangs up the phone.


Merion (Dobry’s k.a., year of Jaguar): “My physical state is terrible, I have no desire to do anything, and I hurt my back doing stuff.”

JamesKellpell: We’re the same age, he does not drink, does not smoke, and does not do extreme sports. What is my incentive to quit drinking, smoking and rock-climbing?”

It’s the rising moon. The rising moon will be battering us all for the next 2 weeks. We’re getting higher and higher, though.






                THE RISING MOON SINKS ALL HEARTS


6:55 am It’s been SNOWING here for the last three days. James would run out into the lawn every morning, barefoot and with nothing but the dressing gown on, frolicking in the snow, remembering the “good ol’ days” in Crystal Valley.

Krotkie would always join him.

Henry is still too heavily drugged for such an activity.

William as been in bed for three days now. Apparently, he had a left knee injury he never told James about, and now it is acting up so that he is being sedated.

We are having a family meeting, held (if only briefly) by Lady Anne:

“My friends, members of Jim Kellspell’s URET (the closest), I have gathered you here to announce a few new things, and also, bring your attention to the fact that the Year of Jaguar is to be remembered by this lovely snow so early in fall.” Lady Anne sighs, as if she is bearing a heavy burden, and she knows that even death will not lift it off her chest. “God willing, we will be on our annual Field Trip to Malachite in only two weeks. My advice is - get your shit together NOW. James has already told you, and he saw that coming from over a year ago - there will be NO BLUE KSILL there.”

I don’t even know who she is addressing. Henry is on a horse’s dose of tranquilizer, still working through accepting William as Jim’s FIRST. He is standing by the curtains to the entrance of his bedroom, not even able to hold his eyes open long enough.

William is in Jim’s bed, motionless. Either out of it, or close. He has not moved in two hours since we all woke up. This is what happens to you at old age. I should take note. Life just seeps out of you, leaving you dry, motionless, like an old log.

But Jim adores this old log of a man. He kisses Conroy, and brushes the remainder of his gray hair, covers him with a blanket, feeds him in bed, and takes him to shower every other day. He washes the man thoroughly with the softest of sponges he could get, then puts a t-shirt and underwear on him, and puts him back to bed in the most caring way.

Krotkie lays happily by Jim’s feet. He wants to be on the bed, but James does not want William disturbed.

Richard was done with his moonlighter janitor responsibilities hours ago, but, as the meeting was announced at 4:45 am, Rockford picked up a broom, and was sweeping floors around the fireplace with a gloomy face, hoping that the busy work will earn him credits.

“Those of us who grew to rely on it for the good mood will have to bite the bullet. Switch to drinking. We will have a gym, equipped with a swimming pool to help you burn off the persistent calorie surplus you will have once you hit the bottle. Other than that - try not to kill yourselves. You see a rope in Jim’s hands - take it away from him. We only have THREE HOURS left to the Pearly Gates.”

James raises his brows and rolls his eyes. He’s been drunk since 5 am. It is, I swear, the only reason he has not shot us all yet. He is that close to a complete meltdown. Now that he knows there will be THREE MORE YEARS of complete silence, and no job offers.

He’d kill for an offer to be on a project now.
So would I.
But we all have to wait for three more years.

“I’m going to give floor to James now, and there is no need to pay attention, because Jim got off the injections, and his speeches are AGAIN nothing but narrow-minded, angry ramblings. Feel free to get back to your daily activities.” Lady Anne smiles, and walks away, across the hall, towards the Spiral Staircase, smiling at someone in the kitchen. Probably Matushka or Lady Tigress.

With that, James perks up and starts with the list of things as to why he wants to kill himself.

Henry, heavily medicated, disappears behind the curtains of his bedroom and crashes there.

Krotkie runs around, happy to be with James and all us. Then he lands by the new fireplace, installed at the end of the wall of our bedroom. Ten feet behind it is Spiral Staircase with the Mood Rug by it. There is a rocking chair for William by the fireplace, but he is still in bed.

James tucks him in, hugging him and whispering love stuff into Conroy’s ears.

“I know that ego is a dumb tape recorder, and I know that patience isn a virtue.” James begins, as he stands on the scale and looks down. “But I feel so profoundly forgotten that I listen to the ego, that tells me, that God has his favourites, and I’m not the one. That makes me drink even more.” He takes wild swig from a bottle of wine.




“The reason I drink is because I’m not just impatient, but also fearful of H.M.’s wrath. Or interference. I sit there on Level 1, wincing at every sound, always afraid he is coming to steal my peace.” James frowns and goes to pull the blanket on William’s shoulder. Then he tucks him in again, and runs his hand along Conroy’s blanket-wrapped shape.

“Carry on.” Lady Anne continues. She is happy to play a role of our “kindergarten teacher”. She wants to help us. She wants James to get better, and live to open the Pearly Gates for ALL OF US.

Jim spent his life being an advocate for the poor and the disadvantaged, just like Darler asked him. Darler made Jim sweat on both of their blood that Jim was going to continue Darler’s fight.

Lady Anne is only too happy to become an advocate for the man who dedicated his life to countless needy people he did not even know, just like his Darler, his Spiritual Leader.




The sliding door is wide open, and pre-dawn wind brows in with wild freedom only the wind can know.

“Lady Anne is telling me, that HAPPINESS is FAITHFULNESS and LOYALTY to the WILL OF GOD.” James comes to hold William’s hand, and that hand is utterly cold.

I see it on my bridgeplate. James inhales deeply to suppress panic, and kneels in front of William to listen to his heart. A dramatic pause later he gets up, more or less satisfied.

But also, let’s not forget, if Conroy coded, The Arkabins would be here immediately, if not sooner. So, no worries.

“I’d LOVE to be sober, hardworking and loyal, as opposed to drunk, not willing to pull my weight, and wayward. I just don’t know how.” James gets up, walks there and back by his lover’s bed, and glances to the wind-blown curtains of Henry’s bedroom.

“Maybe I should get prettier, but stronger rope.” Kellspell muses.

And I can’t take it anymore. On the rising moon, every day Jim either contemplates or threatens suicide.

Alright already.

You’re not the only one.
;You think you’re the most forgotten character in this show.

But you HAVE A voice and I DON’T.

“Maybe we should close the door. It’s 49 degrees outside.” I say, and hate myself for it immediately. When do I NOT hate myself? Jim’s torment… You think KELLSPELL is going through trials? Kellspell does not even know the meaning of a word “trial”.

He is a puppy, your James Kellspell.

I’m sorry. I’m not even supposed to say anything. I’m an Arkchil OPERATOR, not speaker.

“How is that going to help me become happier?” James turns to me, his hair blown about by wind. “Meaning, more understanding towards the fact that I never got any projects, while every single one of you, bitches…”

“Closing the door might not help any of that, James, but both me AND William would be warmer. Therefore my, AND his hands would not be so cold. You just checked his hands so lovingly, and you found them to be cold.”

“What do you care if I check his hands?” Kellspell is suddenly hostile, and in my face.

“When was the last time you checked mine?”

“You are NOT my First Spouse.” James snaps and goes back to his thoughts.

No. I’m only a SILVER CARD holder. And ONLY by virtue of his ex-bf Banazir. And even then Kellspell would not let me in for years. If it was not for Henry, I would NEVER get into the Emerald Filament Team.

I should remember that James did not care for me no matter what I said or did, if it was not for Lord Carlton’s involvement. I must know where I belong in Regent Kellspell’s harem.

“Just for your information.” Lady Anne comes in. “ In twenty minutes I have to take James for the ultrasound of his right ovary, for a possible cyst, on Level 1. They’re suggesting his female avatar goes back on birth control to stop those from growing. James, I need you to be ready in ten minutes.”



UKS15 (to 16): POSSIBLE MEDICAL EMERGENCY

RegJKellspell: “MAYDAY, MAYDAY. I have not had bowel movement for over a week. I have been eating nothing but oatmeal for the last three days, and I have been taking stool softener, max dose of 2 gel pills (half white half purple) for THREE DAYS now. ZERO REACTION. Right now my stomach is so distended I have to be in bed. It is hard to carry it.

This morning I was having an ultrasound because of the possible cyst in the right ovary, and the tech said - oh, it’s been a while since you have had any bowel movement.” And I said - fuck yeah, I know, but WHAT CAN I DO? I have been trying to eat all the right things, plenty of finer, and I have been taking a max dose of Stool Softener. BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.

MY PRINCE I NEED HELP, OR I WILL END UP IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM TONIGHT ($6000).

If no bowel movement takes place by tomorrow morning (assuming I’m not in the hospital), I will be forced to take Dulcolax, which will cause me to take the entire Monday off for 12 hours of vomiting.

It did not have to come to that, if Prince Moretr’s men had reacted EARLIER.

EARLIER was a week ago. I’m going to hold Prince’s office responsible for all the Level 1 hospital charges.”

Thus, we were put on notice.
Pray for James.






“Another reason why I left William was because he was way too good for me. He was so beautiful, a successful American professional, a medical doctor. And I knew, I KNEW IN MY HEART that he would not want to have anything to do with a shuck from USSR. On Level 2 he was using my know-hows to access lower levels of Time, but on Level 1… How could I hope for anything? So, after seven years of those dark thoughts… I’m NOT saying that it was THE ONLY or the MAIN reason why I left William and never answered his calls or messages again. Which were many…” James sighs. “Boy, do I feel rotten fr not answering such lovely messages. This blue-eyed blonde is sending you long videos where he pleads you to open the door of your heart “for our love.” And you IGNORE him for 30 years. Right. How do I explain away THAT behaviour?”





My opinion is that we must fight global warming with any means necessary. Global warming is truly the most significant problem facing us today. For example, it is hurting the Earth with hurricanes. The hurricanes have become twice as strong, and twice more often than before the global warming began! Also, many species of animals in the seas are dying because of the water getting consistently warmer.

The opposite opinion is that there are worse problems than global warming, and some people are too poor to change their lifestyle to slow down global warming.

However, how can people switch to different lifestyle to slow down global warming? People can switch to electrical cars, and to use less plastic. However, there is another opinion, that many people are simply not ready to change their lifestyle.

To conclude, we can say that Global Warming is real, and we need to do something about it. More needs to be done to save the Earth. I’d like to hear more opinions about it from my friends and family.



James Kellspell. Memories of the past.

He drinks a lot more if he ventures down the Memory Lane. “My life was like walking barefoot on burning ambers while trying to squeeze through the ever narrowing walls of broken glass with my bare shoulders. It hurt like hello and I screamed alone in the dark. And when I complained, my parents said - quit whining, this is LIFE. And then they wondered why I wanted to kill myself.”

Here he goes:

“And when I tried to be DIFFERENT, the extremely narrow mind of my mother simply CUT OUT everything she did not understand, and then branded me “INSANE AND DANGEROUS”.

James is silent, staring ate wall. He can drink half a bottle of whiskey without thinking twice, fast, and not showing any signs of inebriation.

“My mother gets PTSD… Every time she talks to me.” James hiccups and takes another swig from the bottle. “You see, “her” ego FORCED her to brand me as “insane ad dangerous”. So, she never enjoyed communicating with me. That brand, or a label, was always in the way. You know when they put THAT label on you? When their DUMB, narrow-minded egos can’t figure out what you are. If you DO NOT FIT any of the transparencies the ego puts on the situation, YOU get DISCARDED.”

“James, will you stop drinking for s second?” I enquire, as I’m the only one in attendance.

But for Henry in his bedroom, standing right there, greedily listening to Jim’s every word, and William, asleep on Jim’s bed, covered in blankets.

“NO, Wallace. I will not stop drinking. There IS NO reason.” He sighs and pats William’s shoulder. “You came into this world saying with joy:  I AM HERE TO CHANGE EVERYTHING! AREN’T YOU TIRED OF YOUR OLD TRANSPARENCIES through which you see the world? Good, Bad, indifferent… I AM NEW! I AM THE TWIST YOU DID NOT EXPECT! Be happy!” James turns to me with a wide smile on his face.

Looking into his eyes, full of tears and pain, I know we’re heading for the precipice.

“But… “ He continues, raising the bottle, which glows dark-yellow in the rays of the autumn sun \Level 1: Genesis 17, Level2: Strobulus\Advancing Proximity to Pearly Gates: 2 hours/

“Your own mother whacks you with a fly-swatter, because after the first five years of your life, once you learned to talk, you were not MAKING ANY SENSE to “her” ego! You said you were a man, when you are a 5 year old girl, you said you could hear “people on the other side”, and you refused to wear shoes.”

“James, come on. Please stop and eat. You haven’t eaten ANYTHING since morning.” I plead.

“I want to die, Wallace. I care not to eat. That will prolong the torment needlessly.” Kellspell puts the bottle down and rubs the tears and the tiredness off his face. “ The ego DISCARDS everything it does not understand. A horrifying notion for me. I could never do that. But the overwhelming majority acts in this way, every day. It is easier - you do not need to wake up, and you do not need to turn on your brain. “Your” ego tells you - “WHAT GIBBERISH! TUNE IT OUT!” And you do. Tired of life, tired of being beaten too much and not loved enough, you trudge through life. The ego IS YOUR ONLY friend. The ONLY thing that is ALWYS there. That is why you listen when it orders you to hurt other people by NOT LISTENING!”

“You do that every day with me, James.” I remind. Really, not knowing why I’m arguing with James Kellspell. Maybe, it is because he is the only man that matters in my life.

“So, you sit at home in front of the TV, and you keep on “program surfing.” Why? Because your fucking ego is restless and is never satisfied. Led bye it, you become LIKE YOUR DUMB EGO-MACHINe. It says - go to the next show! I’m BORED!” And you switch the program like the obedient slave of your ego, you are!!!” James looks at me, with these dark circles under his eyes, and the fat that has crawled under his chin from too much alcohol - I see all that, and I want to wish him dead just to end his torment. “And you switch to another show, like “your” ego told you! Your desire is to please… Or shut up, your ego. The ego can make your life hell if you do not please it every minute of every hour of every day. THIS IS YOUR LIFE after you agreed to break away from God. That is why you drink. I’m stuck there, too…” James howls the last words into the ceiling.

He howls when he types on his computer in English, but the text comes out in Hafnian, because he forgot to switch the keyboard. But it never happens on his bridgeplate.

So, he abandons the computer on Level 1 and ascends back into his body right here in front of me.

“I need to be dead. I long to be dead, Wallace… I’m too tired of being completely alone in this world and with absolutely no reward from God.” James covers the sleeping Conroy with yet another blanket, and walks out into the blinding sunset with a cigarette. “Unless something changes that shows me that God cares about my fight.”



FILE IS CLOSED   
18UKSJAG^