You know you can
I'm your man
The shadow from the table falls on your face. The room is flooded with moonlight. The candle burned out and went out by itself.
- But I do not love you! - slides off my lips.
You are lying on the floor. I'm sitting next to you. You look away so that I can't notice the sadness that flashed in your eyes. And you say with confidence that makes me laugh:
- You will love when you come to know me better, when you understand what kind of a person... - you would like to continue, but voice does not obey you.
Haven't I heard the same phrases from others? Why do your words make me shivering?
I like you. For some unknown reason I feel happy with you, as with no one.
No, I don't love you…
Do you remember our date that started on Thursday night and ended on Tuesday morning?
Luda already began to have her oddities.
- Why do you need this guy? All these dudes, you know...
- Luda, I like him.
“I don’t want him to come here,” she said firmly, leaving the kitchen, making it clear that the conversation is over, and the decision is final.
But for the holidays she went with daughters to her village, and I called you.
You came to me, although you were sick with furunculosis. And now you don't want to leave.
- Ejaz, you have to go home. Luda will return.
- I do not want to go home. I'm alone at home. Who will be with me?
- Your friends!
- You know, there is no one during the day, they come only in the evening.
- But I also leave for work tomorrow.
- You'll come back…
- What are you going to do here alone for a whole day?
- Thinking about you.
And you're starting to sing.
You sing to me day and night. Your body suffers and greatly (later I experienced it myself), and your eyes shine with happiness.
On Monday I left you in my room while I went to work. But everything fell out of hands. My cheeks were burning! Yes, you fulfilled your promise to think about me all the day, I barely made it to the evening.
I entered the room. You stand in the middle in my red tunic and stretch out your hands to me like a child to a mother and whisper: "Martha! I've been thinking about you all the day long! I can not live without you! I want to be with you always and forever!"
It seems that the strength of your feeling puzzles you, in fact, you can hardly bear even a short separation. And why are you wearing my tunic?
And I... I don't recognize myself. You amuse me. In your words, and especially in your dark eyes, there is a whole ocean of love. And surprisingly: this is the same love, the same hot, gentle light that I saw in HIS eyes. How did you get hold of it, I don't understand?!
- When have you kissed for the first time? - I guess to ask one day.
- Here.
- Here? In Kiev? - I ask incredulously. - And with whom?
- With you.
- What are you saying? You want me believe that you... - I begin. And suddenly like in an inspiration I understand it all. You look at me carefully, see the change that has taken place and quietly confirm:
- Yes, you are my first love.
And you start singing again.
I was stunned by this discovery. I am filled with tenderness. And yet, as I say goodbye to you on Tuesday morning after those days, I think, “It's good that you left. I'll stay alone at last, will have good rest, will do my matters, finally get a normal sleep!"
In the evening I return home, come into my room - how unusual it seems to me now, there is clearly something missing. You? I wanted it myself, why am I not feeling either joy or relief?
I sit down on the bed and, without undressing, stay like this for several minutes...
I don't know what happened to me in those moments, but I jump up and go out into the street again. I can't even walk, I run, I run to call you, to tell you the news, tell you the words that I have heard from you so many times without understanding their meaning:
- I can not live without you! I wanna be with you! Always! Understand?
Well, of course, you do - that's what you've been waiting for.
from novel WANDERER, part III