-“How could you?”,- people asked me every time, when a question of the house comes up. “ How could you be so blind, so irresponsible?”, “ How could you be such an idiot?” ask people who really take the story close to heart
How could I explain them why it happened? I don’t know how to explain it
We see so differently what has happened. For people buying the house means one thing, but for me it was completely different. No matter how hard I’d try to explain it to them it’d not work anyway. Even to explain it to myself, I need to return a few years ago and start from there
TRUST
Working years with low functioning non- verbal autistic kids I made unexpected discoveries: communication with them is so absorbing for me. I saw they were able to understand things, they had great human qualities, they loved to learn new things, to cooperate and show initiative, but for that a person should get their trust. I was lucky to have that
As I worked in the System, where everybody behaved and talked according to protocol, communication with those non-verbal kids become so interesting-much deeper ,richer and more fulfilling, than with those, who cared for them. Around was concerns about how to make money an easy way, how to buy good things cheaper and things like that
After many efforts a manager, who supported me for 20 years helped to make one of my dreams true. I could work with two kids together, developing new kind of relationship and develop communication. I was totally independent from any protocols, having my own room.
It was not in vain that I wanted it so much. Both boys changed a lot. I could see the relationship which started to get created between them. Usually people pay attention only to behavior of those kids –is it acceptable or not according to different instructions or circumstances. There is no any place in the System for the things I was interesting about. I could share my discoveries only with my manager, as we had similar attitude, were like-minded people
Then a big trouble happened. One of the boys, who made huge changes for short time transforming from always-sleeping in vegetable state person into agile and curious creature who wanted to move around and explore the world. As staff always patted him on the back, he started to do it to them as well. His behavior was define as unacceptable and aggressive and powerful medicine started to treat his behavior, turning him into sleeping state with his hands shaking. His talking ability were destroyed as well
I tried to fight for the boy, trying to show them completely different perspective, offering the ways to stop the problem, staff complained about, but nothing helped. The boy recovered from that condition and they repeated with different medications. He almost died, ended up in emergency room. Manager let me know that nothing he could do. The System is stronger and more powerful. Psychologist recommended to stay away. So I could not continue do what I did putting the child in such risk. Let him sleep, but at least he’d be alive.
I left for European country as they assured a country was in need of people ready to work with autistic children. I wanted to do volunteer work, but in my own way. Well, it came out what they said was not really true, but in result of my activity in the city where I lived the children, who the System considered unteachable, were accepted to school. Later I was invited to work with 3 children and their parents. It worked very well, but I was given too much freedom and independence and somebody decided to change it. Children and parents were upset and we moved to Red Cross organization.
There I developed a project “Road to Independence” based on my experience with those kids in school and their parents and consider all my previous experience in USA. Red Cross seemed supported the project and made me to do writing for the government grants. In result they created a different organization behind my back. It was a program for kids to have fun and food, make parties and trips. Regular thing. All those months I worked on project-improving different details as much as possible, but theoretically. Of course, I was eager to try it in practice, to see how it would work, but it didn't happened
The method I created and wanted to work with is used in Russia and some other countries of ex-Soviet Union, it was published in America and Russian academicals journals, but I still had no opportunity to develop it further. In V-a I thought to invite a couple of families attracting them with low price of living and work with their children giving parents opportunity to have a rest and possible show them how different their kids could be and how much they could do.
ALVARO
Then I met Alvaro. Alvaro looked very much as my American manager and European real estate person who was honest and responsible and overall great human being.
Maybe that fact influenced my attitude that very quickly I developed complete trust to Alvaro ... and got in “his real estate lawyer’s net” Lawyers are good about influencing people and Alvaro was excellent
Probably the most important part was the perspective of making my wish true, which Alvaro represented for me. He was very empathetic to my sad working experience in the System. I thought he understand me, empathizing with situation and try to help He introduced me to his friend-speech therapist, with whom we shared our frustrations and our view about improvement. It was very smart step on Alvaro’s side as it put my mind in the right direction.
When I saw a house he suggested, I was very disappointed with what I saw, but then Alvaro started to describe what could be done to renovate it and adjust to my goals. Talked about his contacts in municipality and different kinds of workers he knew who would do renovation and adjustment not expensive.
I did worry about the quality of construction, water, electric systems, but Alvaro said that the owner renewed them recently and overall whatever should be done will be done.
And I believed his word. I was in different dimension, in different reality, In reality of where I’d like to be, where people are honest and trusting and together thinking about the opportunity for kids to progress and develop
Well, well!
Could be compare with dialogue with the grandma of non-verbal Jack’s
- If Jack understand anything?
-Jack understands everything!!!-I replied honestly as that what I believed in
As I believed in that gradually Jack and moved from books about Almo to books about different biographies of famous people and everything was by Jack’s choice
Grandma of course didn’t believe me and had no interest in Jack’s abilities. In a common living place Jack continued to watch Almo video over and over by years
Well, Alvaro did a great job rushing me to pay and I couldn’t wait to get the house myself and start to move to my where I wanted to be. Then the real reality brought the news
House came out to be unrepairable and should be demolished. Alvaro knew that and was hired for big money to make that deal.
He is a HERO! Probably he feels like that! He did good real estate job!
He helped his people! He EARNED his money!
People put all attention to my wrong actions! And they are right, consider "normal" values people believe in
That is life! I need to accept it!
I got advice to watch a movie "Idiot"