472.
r, wa, yu, x, m, i.
Seems as if I were blaming my restless mind and saying that all problems were triggered by its wild activity. But, honestly, is there a real causality between this damn sinusitis and my passion for learning? Why should I stop all my work and shift to something like—
Okay, let’s say I just hate to write about such stupid things as how I feel and what I’m doing to feel better. It’s bloody dumb! I can’t solve this problem simply by addressing it here. Why wouldn’t I move on to working on my projects? A few days ago, I had a headache, and everything I did and did not was justified by it. But now I have no headache and I want to develop my ability to translate abstract ideas into words. Sure, my body suffers a little bit, and that’s fine. I’m certainly going to do something to feel better and get rid of this suffering, but why, the heck, I have to talk about it here?
Yesterday, I had lots of exciting thoughts before falling asleep. I was reading “1984” for about three hours and then some ideas related not only to the book but also to my personal experience started to pop up. I would like to study more about this character 6079 Smith W. I think I might even develop him by placing him in the real modern world to see what he’s gonna say then. Though it would not help me with my health, I certainly won’t feel stupid reading my notes afterward.
Writing is an instrument of self-control. If we know certain words that can make our body do things that we need to do, it’s like magic. I really have a problem with sinusitis right now, and I need to solve this problem. Everything else, like reading and thinking about fancy characters, isn’t the right thing to focus my attention on. I can wait for a week or month, if necessary, and then continue my cognitive journey. Things are getting worse; it’s not simply a usual thing that happens time by time. I have less energy than I had for last years, my nose is full of damn mucus, and I don’t feel as I used to. Look, I can change the language and easily focus my attention on the right thing. I’m a fucking wizard when it comes down to my native language and I know lots of ways to change my behavior by writing down certain words. However, I don wanna do that. I have to learn to maintain the course of my life by using this language.
To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://proza.ru/2020/06/16/1460
See me on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC43fwC5DpfaJi3wGQO5b_ZA?