The original version of the article is published in: "Nargis Magazine", 2020 (#68).
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton
THE ORIGIN OF THE STATE HAS BEEN SURROUNDED IN MYSTERY FOR A LONG TIME. BUT RECENT DISCOVERIES PROVE THAT ANCIENT REGIMES WERE ESTABLISHED BY STRONG TRIBAL MILITARY CHIEFS, WHO ESTABLISHED SOCIETIES FAVORABLE TO THEM. COURTS, ARMIES, TAXES — EVERYTHING WAS INTRODUCED BY FORCE AND COMPULSION. AS PHILOSOPHER JAMES GEORGE FRAZER REMARKED WISELY: THE NEW ORDER WAS STILL MUCH MORE HUMANE THAN SAVAGE CUSTOMS, WHERE PEOPLE WERE ENMESHED BY NUMEROUS TABOOS AND SUFFERED FROM HUNGER AND NATURAL DISASTERS. STRICT SOVEREIGNS TURNED OUT TO BE MUCH MORE LIBERAL THAN PAGAN PRIESTS. THE ANCIENT ARISTOCRACY CREATED CITIES AND LAID ROADS; NOBLES WERE FOND OF PHILOSOPHY AND SCHOLARSHIP. PRAISE BE TO THEM!
BUT NOW WE WILL TURN OUR ATTENTION TO THE DARK SIDE OF ARISTOCRATIC RULE. ENORMOUS POWER, CONCENTRATED IN THE HANDS OF ONE PERSON, CAN LEAD TO UNHAPPY CONSEQUENCES. IF AN INSANE AND DEPRAVED LORD INHERITED THE THRONE, HE COULD BEGIN TO CARRY OUT THE BLACKEST EVIL. IN THE LIST BELOW YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT THE MOST INCREDIBLE ATROCITIES COMMITTED BY CRAZY RULERS WITH ABSOLUTE POWER AT THEIR DISPOSAL.
LET'S BEGIN!
THE INFERNAL LIBRARIAN
The ancient king Ashurbanipal was a legendary figure. In his magnificent palace in Nineveh, Ashurbanipal created the world's first library. The king was a brilliant educated man who perfectly knew the long-forgotten language of the Sumerians. In addition, Ashurbanipal was a poet and wrote elegant poems about love for beautiful women.
That was the easygoing side of this refined gentleman. Now for his dark side…
In the daytime, the king sat and diligently pored over clay tablets. But at night he went down to the basement, where it shimmered blood red, and on the walls hung long leather whips and well sharpened crooked knives. There he was awaited by sobbing innocent girls and petty kings chattering their teeth in fear…
In Egyptian castles, Ashurbanipal’s soldiers killed everyone to the last man. Citizens were hung up on pillars; their skin was stripped off and put on the city walls. In Elam, all the surroundings were covered up with the corpses of executed captives. They even tinged the water of the Ulai River with human blood.
Ashurbanipal ordered the exhumation of the bones of the ancient kings of Elam and took them to Assyria. In Arabia, inhabitants were driven into the mountains while each fresh water basin was strictly guarded so that these poor people died of thirst.
Here is what Ashurbanipal reports to his 'superior', the bloodthirsty god Assur, about the fate of the Arabian king Uaite, son of Hazael:
Raising my hands which I had received for the conquest of my foes, at the command of Assur and Ninlil, I pierced his chin with my keen hand dagger. Through his jaw I passed a rope, put a dog chain upon him and made him guard a kennel of the east gate of the inner wall of Nineveh…
As philosopher Isaac Asimov remarked, only Adolf Hitler managed to exceed the exploits of the Assyrian kings. But enough! Let's move on to the next malefactor.
THE COMPLACENT TYRANT
In 483 BC Xerxes, the bombastic king of Persia, set out to conquer the fine land of Hellas. This gentleman attacked Greece to avenge the shameful failure of his father to conquer the free city of Athens.
Xerxes decided to build a bridge over Hellespont Strait (now more commonly known as the Dardanelles). But before construction was finished, a terrible storm destroyed it. Xerxes was so angry, that he ordered the beheading of all construction chiefs of the ill-fated bridge. Then this wise despot sent soldiers down to the banks of the strait to whip the sea for its unwillingness to obey him and comply with his whims.
Herodotus described it as follows:
When Xerxes heard of this, he was very angry and commanded that the Hellespont be whipped with three hundred lashes, and a pair of fetters be thrown into the sea. I have even heard that he took branders with them to brand the Hellespont. He commanded them while they whipped to utter the outlandish and presumptuous words: "Bitter water, our master thus punishes you because you did him wrong, though he had done you none. King Xerxes will pass over you, whether you want it or not; in accordance with justice no one is offering you a sacrifice, for you are a turbid and briny river."
After successfully battling with the Earth's elements, he could not cope with a handful of Greek patriots led by the Spartan king Leonidas in a clean fight. So Xerxes completed his exploits by desolating Athens, fine 'mother of the cities of Hellas'. Undoubtedly, Ashurbanipal merits recognition as the ideal monster; Xerxes for being ridiculous. But everyone deserves their 'fifteen minutes of fame,' so Xerxes turns up in our list.
BLOODY GOD
We must now introduce Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, famous Roman Emperor with fathomless artistic talent! Antique authors and contemporaries of this king with the funny nickname, Caligula, describe him as an insane emperor who was self-absorbed, killed on a whim, and indulged in excessive spending and sex. He is accused of sleeping with other men's wives and bragging openly about it.
According to Seneca:
… A man who contemplated murdering the whole senate, a man who used to wish that the Roman people had only one neck to order that he might concentrate into one day and one stroke all his crimes... Among his especial friends there was a certain Asiaticus Valerius, a proud-spirited man who was hardly to be expected to hear with equanimity another’s insults. At a banquet, that is at a public gathering, using his loudest voice, Gaius taunted this man with the way his wife behaved in sexual intercourse.
Once, at some games at which he was presiding, he was said to have ordered his guards to throw an entire section of the audience into the arena during the intermission, to be eaten by wild beasts, because there were no prisoners available and he was bored. Ancient authors accuse Caligula of incest with his sisters, Agrippina the Younger, Drusilla, and Livilla and say he prostituted them to other men.
Suetonius wrote in Lives of the Twelve Caesars:
He lived in the habit of incest with all his sisters; and, at table, when much company was present, he placed each of them in turns below him, whilst his wife reclined above him. It is believed that he deflowered one of them, Drusilla, before he had assumed the robe of manhood; and was even caught in her embraces by his grandmother Antonia, with whom they were educated together.
He also planned or promised to make his horse, Incitatus, a consul, and actually appointed him a priest.
Suetonius continues:
The day before the Circensian games, he sent his soldiers to enjoin silence in the neighborhood, that the repose of his horse Incitatus might not be disturbed. For this favourite animal, besides a marble stable, an ivory manger, purple housings, and a jewelled frontlet, he appointed a house, Of course, the Romans could not truly appreciate such a talented person and stabbed him to death like a boar. But he remained in the memory of astonished humanity, and fell into our list of crowned bastards. Applause!
CRAZY KILLER
Now you can be introduced to Ibrahim the First. This Ottoman Emperor (1640 - 1648) is also known by the short nickname 'Insane'. Among all the Turkish sultans, he was the most mentally unstable. The future monarch spent his youth in a caged building, where the Ottoman princes were usually imprisoned.
After the death of his brother in 1640, the twenty-three-year-old youth got freedom and the throne. His enthusiasm was so great that he immediately lost his mind. The Sultan liked to gather his concubines in the yard and ride around on them while neighing. Ibrahim also loved fat women. Once he even demanded that he be found the fullest woman on Earth. They returned with a hippo girl nicknamed 'Sweet', who became his most beloved wife in the harem.
However, the oddities of Ibrahim the First were not limited to his sexual games. The sultan was very greedy; his servants often plundered the houses of common people. This tyrant also became famous for extraordinary bloodthirstiness. The crowned vampire once received information about the unfaithfulness of one of his concubines. He ordered the torture of all of his women. When the name of the betrayer was not found, Ibrahim had drowned about three hundred poor women in a lake. A stream of cruelty and debauchery led to the appearance of many enemies. A coup took place in 1648, at which the ruler was arrested and had returned to his den for some time.
Ibrahim the First was later strangled by sent assassins. It was a predictable end.
Alas! History is so rich, and there are many more evil tyrants in it than good sovereigns. We brought only those who managed to combine insanity with villainy — and not be too vulgar at the same time. In addition, the patina of antiquity is always noble. You will not see the stupid cannibal Idi Amin and the unfortunate Joanna the Mad here.
But it would be better if the insane went to hospitals and villains to prison.