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It’s raining today. The entire sky is clouded, and that doesn’t give me any other option but sitting at home. I’m trying to go deeper into my thoughts, but it seems there is no way to dive in. Yesterday, at evening’s walk, I tried to focus on thinking in English and found myself as weak mentally as I was physically. Then it became a little bit better, though I was able to think only about my mood. If there is lack of power it affects any kind of activity either mental or physical. I made a few hypotheses about all of that but didn’t find any sufficient explanation why I’m so weak. Perhaps there is no objective motivation; I have nothing to do and, therefore, my body refuses to produce energy—no more than necessary for going at the beach a couple of times per day. All of that makes sense, obviously. According to my experience with learning, relaxation is something I need more than anything else. To allow myself being in this state is vital. Maybe my problems with videogames were due to the necessity of being in that relaxed state. Anyway, this is just a notification.
The girl didn’t come again. It was the third day she didn’t come. So why do I come there and wait for her? Just because I said it when we parted then? There are so many girls going around with curious eyes. Why do not approach one of them? Why am I thinking about girls at all? I came here not for this purpose. Stop being a damn puppet!
To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/05/28/971