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She didn’t come. I thought she would come but it was just a silly wish. If she had wanted to come she would have done it at the first day. Let’s forget about it.
The last two days I had problems with sleeping. My bed is really uncomfortable, but I guess it’s not the only reason of my insomnia. I tried to fall asleep early at midnight because there was nothing to do after that time. However, instead of sleeping I turned from side to side till 6 AM and only then fell asleep. I also was feeling weak during these days, which prevent me from walking around at night. I’d better walk along the shore instead of lying on my hard bed and turning from side to side for 6 hours. But at 11 PM my energy vanished away so that I had no desire to go anywhere. Yesterday, after an unsuccessful attempt to run with that girl I was walking along the shore almost on autopilot. That’s a little bit strange because I didn’t do anything difficult during the day—I lay on bed, read this journal, listened to music, swam in the sea etc. When I was here two years ago I certainly didn’t feel anything like that. Really, where is my power? Maybe I haven’t gotten over after the last videogame addiction yet? Or it’s just the lack of daily exercises that makes me weak? What is it? I look at other people and they drink alcohol, they smoke, eat junk food still having lots of energy, whereas I’m walking like an old woman, though I must be as strong as a wild beast.
Again, it’s not complaining; it’s just articulating of what’s going on. Probably it’s somehow connected with motivation, because when I met the above mentioned girl couple of days ago, I experienced a sudden rise of strength and was very excited during the whole evening.
To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/05/27/1310