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Palahniuk “Fight Club”
So there are no books anymore. I’ve read everything I had. Actually I have an audiobook by Schopenhauer loaded into my MP3 player, but it’s still no more than five hours. My speed of reading English books enhanced hugely. All days long being here I’m reading and lying on the beach. Yesterday, I felt tired and walked quite a little. I was in my room at 22:00 and then I tried to think lying on bed and listening to music. My imagination went back to the past, and I compared different periods of going up across the last 11 years. I used to think that way in Russian a lot. It seems like after I’d begun to think in English I went back to my personal history—to everything I did and recorded before—less and less. Am I becoming a new person? Is it really possible to let go of an old personality by rejecting to use an old language? Now, I see that the idea to switch totally on English wasn’t actually as good as it seemed in the beginning. I guess it’s because of the loss of my highly developed skill of writing in Russian. I need practice to maintain the quality of the skill. It is worth to write in both languages; and writing only in one hardly gives rise to another. I wanna say that if I don’t write in Russian and believe that my Russian remains the same only because I’m writing in English, I’m probably mistaken. But writing in both languages is distractive! I need plenty of time to focus my attention on one language to get satisfying results—not talking about great results. So if I switch from one language to another, then, what I get is almost always superficial thinking. Wait, but how do I know? If I choose one topic and write about it in two languages, as I did before going to the south, it may be even deeper than in the case when I write by using only one language…
Well, I have to leave a couple of lines for Palahniuk’s book.
It is some sort of trash mixed with popular wisdom—a kind of byproduct of exciting sensation.
To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/05/23/1743