Fall.
Autumn in Arboretum, near Western Washington University - it’s something you must see. Especially when sky is sharply blue and crisp, and every leave on trees trying to compete with each other in changing colors, almost screaming: Look at me! You will never see me again! “
And many people do come there every fall. I am one of them.
That was a grey day. Low clouds looked like a heavy pillows and were about to burst with may be cold rain, or even snow, who knows.
I was alone there that afternoon, or I thought so, walking around, touching tree branches, like saying goodbye. Kicking piles of maple leaves and watching them flying away , carried by the wind.
I knew that there was a Lookout tower somewhere nearby and thought that it would be a great place to hide from the rain - it started to drizzle a little.
And just in a few minutes I was there and went upstairs.
You could see pretty far from there, it was high tower, but not today. Not with all that fog climbing uphill and getting closer and closer. And yet - I felt good there and enjoyed the solitude.
Solitude? All of the sudden I saw something, or someone with the corner of my eye and froze for a second in fear, and then turn around quickly!
I saw a man on opposite side of the tower’s balcony, hiding behind the beam. He looked strange, all hunched up, hands on the rails, he looked down, as if he was thinking about jumping there.
My scattered thoughts were running in my head like little mice that got trapped in the corner: Who is he, what is he doing here? Why he was silent and did not let me know that he was there? I am sure he noticed me walking, or at least have heard my steps. I felt weird, minute ago I was talking out loud with myself, thinking that I am alone. What he must think of me? Should I fear of him? Should I say something?
That’s it, I will go and say “Hi” , just to be polite. But moment I moved and made first step towards him, he ran. He ran downstairs so fast, as if I was chasing him. And eco was running behind him. Now I was bended over the rails, trying to see the direction where he was going, but quickly he disappeared in the bushes.
Strange man. Young, no more than 22-23, must be a student, looked and dressed very much like many of them. I would say - good looking. But his face… That’s what was bothering me - his face. He looked sad. And mad at same time. Our eyes didn’t meet, and really, there was not enough time for that anyway. Yet, somehow, I felt that he was angry at me. May be for disturbing him, for interrupting something. His thoughts? Or, some sort of plan? I will never know now. But one thing I knew for sure, that he was about to cry. His eyes were same color as today’s grey sky, and were about to burst with tears, like those puffy clouds with rain, just minutes ago.
My moods changed and I didn’t enjoy my solitude anymore, not after spoiling someone's.
I was halfway to the parking lot when decided to check out an old stonebridge, rather some remains, I loved taking pictures of it and did it every fall. And as I got close I saw the figure of person under the arch of this old bridge. I recognized him immediately - that was very same guy from the tower, hiding there from the rain. Smoking.
I didn’t know what to do - continue to go there or turn around? What if he will run again? What if he yell at me for following him? Even if really I didn’t followed? More likely he will not even listen my explanations!
But something, SOMETHING made me make a step forward. I am sure he have noticed me by now anyway… I made another step… One more… He didn’t ran, pretended that he don’t see me. He was simply standing there, smoking.
May I have a cigarette? - I asked, thinking: ”Why am I doing that? I don't even know how to smoke?”
But he pulled pack from his coat’s pocket and shaked one out, and lightened it up for me.
And, of course, I started to cough. Couldn’t stop, feeling pretty stupid, but when I finally was able to breath and looked at him, there was no tears in his eyes anymore, only question and smirk of smile.
And there we were standing in silence, smoking. Not talking at all, not even looking at each other. And we stood there until cigarette bud burned his fingers and he yelled: ” Ah fuck!” and dropped it on the ground.
I got to go. - then he said.
I nodded, and watched him turning towards parking lot. Watched with relief. For some reason.
*************************************************
But this all above was lie.
Well, half of it.
I didn’t get close to him when I saw him under the bridge. Coward! I wanted to go, but I was thinking that he will get mad at me again, will run away! I didn’t want to intrude , I could tell that he was in despair! May be his heart was broken, may be his girl dumped him and he was thinking that his life is over…
When I have heard on the radio next day that someone killed himself in Arboretum, jumping from the tower, I knew that it was him.
I could of… should of ask him for cigarette.
But I didn’t.