That evening I stayed alone. He would never come anymore. What a malicious man his friend was to say about his wife and seven children. That evening I was crying and listening to the gramophone. It was a lamella of Sable Croft. My dad used to be fallen in love with her voice. Today I felt solidarity with him. Deep and beautiful voice of not very young women and magic music with words penetrated in my blood, heart and soul. It was a French song:
"Je suis seule ce soir
Avec ma peine
J'ai perdu l'espoir
De ton retour
Et pourtant je t'aime encore
Et pour toujours
Ne me laisse pas seul sans ton amour." 1)
I continued listening to the gramophone for a long time. Further the voice of Sable Croft never left me, staying my invisible defense from cruelty, sad thoughts and desperation. I felt, I was not lonely, because I had a weak hope to return my love and to share with him my life.
My love was far from me, but Sable Croft's voice was somewhere nearby. I cried with her voice, laughed and even went to bed with it. What it was I didn't know. But one day I understood - we love our dreams and voices of our close friends, when we suffer, when we are lonely and when we are not very young.
1) Tonight I'm alone
With my distress
I have lost my hope
On your return,
But my love has stayed yet
Don't stay me alone without your love. (tr. of author)