My little stars!
You flicker in the night sky so beautifully! You are so far, but it seems as though you are so close. I wish I were just able to fly! I desperately want to get away from here forever. It is so burdensome for my heart. You are the only person who can understand me, whom I can share this with. Why was I so unlucky in my life?
How unfortunate it is to be born such an ugly one, moreover, with a crooked stance.
Someone from my class has told me that I am similar to a small fish – a humpback salmon. Everyone laughed at me, and then this silly and offensive nickname remained with me ever since. Probably, Jennifer (my name) has long been already forgotten.
I want to be beautiful. Not just beautiful, but the most exquisite.
Oh! A star has fallen! Such a big and bright one! People believe that when a star falls, it is possible to make a wish. Then it would surely come true.
But all of this is a fantasy for small children. My desire will never come true. It can not come true because I am ugly. I can only imagine myself as the beauty queen within my dreams. It looks ridiculous to you, my little stars, however, it is somber for me. None of the boys even want to look at me. Especially Mark. I will tell you a secret; I am in love with him. All the girls in our school are secretly in love with him. Mark is a very attractive boy, but he has a girlfriend - Priscilla. And Priscilla is not only the most beautiful girl, but she is also the naughtiest, most ruthless and conniving one! She always carries herself with her nose raised high and never notices anybody around her, except Mark and her best friends. Why can not Mark see who she is?! Probably, because he loves her.
Good night, my little stars.
It's time to go to bed. I have to be in school tomorrow, early in the morning. But I don't want to so badly!
The grieved Jennifer.
Foggy night
Tonight you are not visible, little stars, but I will speak with you anyway. I believe that somewhere far-faraway, in the endless space of the Universe, there are still undiscovered constellations. There my dreams should live. To fly there would be marvelous because here I am filled with dreads.
A festive performance based on a famous fairy tale was being prepared to play in our school. Nobody wanted to play the role of the witch, but then it was offered to me. I have agreed, but have asked what kind of a mask should I wear to look more horrible.
Priscilla writhed a grimace and laughed at me. She has told me that I did not need any mask for such a role and it would be better for me to stay as is. I was awfully offended, but despite that, decided to play the role of the witch anyway. I performed so well that I received many applauses.
Priscilla played the role of the shepherdess, and Mark represented the charming prince. The prince meets the shepherdess during the hunt and falls in love with her, but the wicked witch whose sheep she watches for wants to separate them. The good, as usual, overcomes the evil. The fairy tale comes to an end in a wedding, and the awful ill-natured witch is banished.
The gifts to all actors were distributed at the end of performance. They were red boxes tied with blue bows and white ribbons. A name was written on each ribbon to not mix up to whom each present goes. When I came home and opened the gift … there was a huge nasty toad sitting inside!
My eyes dimmed at this terrible offense! I couldn't believe that adults could be so cruel. My chest started heaving sporadically; I have begun to cry bitterly.
And the poor toad goggled and hardly moved. It seemed to me that she cried too. Probably, she has long stayed in the box and had no hope to survive any longer. I felt sorry for her.
I carried the toad to the bank of the small river that ran near our house and released it back into the water. The toad has recovered there, it began to move and has quickly disappeared. I stood on the bank with my eyes shut for a long time; I had no wish to open them to see this unforgiving dark world. I could hardly keep myself from plummeting into this muddy whirlpool threatening to drown me in despair.
I have come back home completely devastated. It seems useless to hold a grudge at someone and to sort out relations. I have decided to pay attention neither to anybody nor anything, to be indifferent to everything and to pay no attention at any insults.
Let me be alone; it is so much better this way.
I continue to cry. Jennifer.
Rainy night
Are you crying for me, my little stars?
I have no tears left. Today I went to school and had instantly guessed who has done this to me. It was so evident after looking at the malicious face of Priscilla.
"Well, how was my surprise, Humpback salmon?" - Priscilla asked me dying of laughter. Of course, she was in the best of moods. It was very annoying that the other children laughed too. Even Mark smiled. How could I fall in love with such a heartless creep? I hated myself for it! I hated the whole world!
I did not answer... I held back swearing at Priscilla. She was not ashamed to tell everyone about her mean trick. And it was considered to be a successful joke.
Whom can I speak to anymore?
Well, I could handle it from disgusting Priscilla and her spiteful girlfriends, but what about the boys, isn't it a shame?
Now I well understand what men respect and love women for. For beauty, nothing more interests them: neither your mind, nor kindness, nor friendliness. When women are attractive, they receive a man's attention. Unattractive women are always abused and humiliated. Worst of all, when a beautiful woman embarrasses the ugly one, she heightens her status and confidence. The deeper she puts someone in the dirt, the cleaner and more pure she seems to herself.
I feel like I am under the pressure of eternal damnation. I live only in my dreams, and I just exist as a common weed in reality. People admire only fragrant flowers, but despite weeds and only wish to trample them down. Why is everything so unfair in the world?
Without hope. Jennifer.
Cloudy night
Life is so unpredictable, my little stars. You never know what could happen to you at any moment.
Our class went for a two-day trip a few days ago.
It was our last trip in the woods. We will soon be graduating from our school. There will be a prom after tests, and we will leave each other forever. We have placed tents in the same location, like last year.
We made a fire in the evening, listened to music, had fun and danced. The next morning, several girls and boys, including Priscilla, Mark and I, decided to go deep into the woods and find the hunter's log house. Mark was there once and wanted to check whether he still remembers the footpath leading there or not.
We have long strayed deep inside the heavily wooded forest, but haven't found any sign of the trail. On the way back Priscilla suddenly threw a stone into a fox hole. I wanted to observe it and laugh as the fox would panic and run away. If, of course, it even lived there - which I strongly doubted. Foxes usually live in small holes, but here was this whole cave.
Boys began to throw stones into the cave, but no one ran out from there. All of us wanted to go further in until a terrifying roar suddenly sounded. All of us froze on the spot from the unexpectedness. The frightening sized brown mother-bear, angered by such inconsiderate invasion was going to protect her precious shaggy cubs. She quickly jumped out of the cave, and two fluffy furry balls rolled out behind her.
The mother-bear rose to her full extent, having got up on hind legs, deafeningly roared.
Mark was the first who regained from his fear-induced paralysis.
"Let's run!" - He cried. All rushed squealing in different directions. Only Mark was not in time. He was the closest to the cave, and the angry mother bear instantly overtook him. With a single blow from her paw, Mark went tumbling down into the ground. Poor Mark has wildly begun to yell: "Help! Help!" But nobody listened to him; all have run away hastily. I was the only one who stopped and returned to the cave. It was incredibly horrifying for me, but I could not leave him to die. Mother-bear was holding Mark by a trouser-leg with her claws and has opened her wide, sharp-toothed mouth. She was ready to devour the poor creature. Mark coiled like a lizard and looked nothing more than a defenseless child. He was powerless against such a furious animal.
"Humpback salmon, help! " - the boy hysterically squealed, calling me to help. I gathered a handful of soil and threw it towards the eyes of the mother-bear. She turned to me and got up on her hind legs once more, continuing to roar so intensely that a stream of dense foam dripped down from under her sharp canines. Death fanned me with its icy breath, and as piercing as lightning, the overwhelming horror has frozen my whole body with an iron grip. Nevertheless, I managed to notice at the edge of my sight that a lighter has fallen out of Mark's pocket. The sudden realization of what to do brought me out of my condition of paralysis. I immediately rushed to the ground to retrieve it, ignited the flame and stuck the lighter directly into her mouth before the mother-bear could seize me.
The beast came back from the fire, leaped aside, roaring and hopping in one place, abandoning the decision to attack.
I helped Mark up and consoled him as best as I could: "Let's go, Mark, let's go, calm down, please."
The boy has sharply turned pale, shaking with fear and continuously groaned loudly. Large tears rolled down his cheeks, as he forcefully squeezed my hand and was afraid to let go. I dragged Mark onto myself; it seemed like he has not been covered with wounds. Frightened, he was hardly moving his legs and appeared oblivious to what was going on. When we reached a far enough distance from the cave, he snapped out of it, let go of my hand and fell to his knees. Nausea began to take hold, turning his stomach inside out. He threw up again and again, sobbing like a small child. I took off my jacket and cleaned him off with it. Mark could hardly talk aside from endlessly repeating: "Thanks, Humpback salmon, thanks! You have rescued me! I will never forget it! Never!" We slowly started to make our way again, and we saw the children from our class running towards us with sticks, knives, and spits from shish kebabs. All of them surrounded Mark and me rejoicing that we were safe and admired my courage. Priscilla has taken Mark into a tent, where the girls wrapped up his minor scuffs and scratches. I had a couple of bruises and grazed too, but they have already healed.
Mark's parents invited me to dinner. They have shown me their magnificent house and showed appreciation for rescuing their son. I wore a beautiful outfit and put on excellent makeup. I think Mark has noticed and loved it. He gave me lots of compliments and said that I looked good. He promised to help me if I ever needed it. My dissatisfaction with Mark has completely disappeared. It seemed as though, I fell in love with him again, but I tried to drive away all my warm feelings. Mark had Priscilla and did not need anyone else. I gasped when Mark's father presented me a portable computer as a gift. I could only dream of such a precious possession. Mark drove me home in his car and kissed my hand like a gallant gentleman. I could not wish for anything better! The prince would never fall in love with the witch! He has changed his feelings towards me and began to treat me as a best friend and a desperate girl, but still, not like the princess!
In confusion. Jennifer.
Starlit night
My beloved little stars! Today is my happiest day!
At last, I have graduated from my school. The solemn graduation party has taken place after examinations. I have shown up with a handsome boy that I became acquainted with at a disco.
He wanted me to dance with him, took me home and kissed me for a long time before saying good-bye. It was the first time this has happened in my life!
His name was Mitchell. He was a university student, and I started to date him.
It is said that I have considerably become prettier. I have become older, more harmonious and have blossomed like a rosebud, poured by the juice of life. However, when I look in a mirror, I do not notice any changes.
The king and the queen have been chosen according to the school tradition. Nobody doubted who they were going to be. Mark and Priscilla. Who else? Girls choose the most handsome boy, and boys choose the most beautiful girl.
Mark was crowned first. They put a crown on his head, and he stood on the stage smiling, receiving congratulations. He was very happy. He looked like a real king, only without a cloak. And then … I could not even believe the moment that happened next. I was declared the beauty queen for the prom!
Thank you, my little stars, you have granted my most intimate desire! And I thought that all of this was just a fairy tale. My dream has come true!
I stepped on the stage, and my face was shining with unexpected happiness. Mark and I received many applause, and the entire stage was completely covered with flowers and multi-colored ribbons. We then danced a royal waltz to the brilliant sounds of our school orchestra.
I was dancing and could not help look at Priscilla, not being the winner. She was shocked and surrounded by her girlfriends who have tried to sedate her, and their hating eyes were burning me through. Priscilla has dressed up in an elegant sparkling dress, and she looked like a charming doll. Frankly, she deserves the crown, not me. The title of the queen should be awarded for beauty, but not for the manifestation of courage for fighting with a mother-bear! All boys perfectly knew what had occurred in the woods. They were surprised with my courage and had voted in the majority, paying tribute to that heroic act. All men appreciate the courage, but they have chosen me as queen unfairly! I understood that and all others did too, but nobody, including Mark, said anything against it.
I did not want to become the actress of this performance. All of my pleasure had been immediately extinguished.
I jumped out from the scene just as the current dance ended. I ran up to Priscilla, removed the crown from my head, and put it on hers.
- Here is a real queen!
Everyone was simply dumbfounded from the surprise. I quickly dragged Mitchell to an exit, though he fought back, without any comprehension of what had just occurred. I told him everything as it was on the way home. But Mitchell did not agree with me: "In my opinion, you are the most beautiful girl in the world!"
I have never been so happy! My little stars! Thank you for everything! I do not wish to fly away to another constellation, anymore!
With gratitude. Jennifer.