If the physician is cynical due to his profession, then a freshman of a medical college will be even more cynical due to his age. A freshman would not just have breakfast in the morgue, but he would do it leaning on the gutted corpse in order to set good working relationships with the mortal human flesh. And night shift at a morgue is a must for a medical student. It’s a bravado in each case.
To be considered a cool dude by his classmates the student mast has a skull at home. Not fake, but the real; attribute of the sacred and ancient medicine crafts. And it is useful to study that number of bones in the skull - the uninitiated do not suspect - twenty four.
At the same time it is the refined interior decoration and good as candle holder, ashtray, a paperweight and a bowl for wine as a booze seduction of girls. The skull is the valuable thing.
It costs money and a lot. Student and money - things rarely are compatible. And our student decided to acquire the necessary subject by different means, and freely.
Our student has worked in a dissecting room. Anatomical theatre different from a regular theater that died of boredom in the second act entertain visitors in the first. From the vat of formalin, which floated with preparations our student took a fancy of a suitable orphan's head, and at a convenient moment he fished it out.
He carefully packed the head in a plastic bag, wrapped newspapers and put in a bag. And secretly carry away.
Through the city at rush hour journey with his head delivered peculiar feel. In the tram, he was asked: can you lift that bag from the floor? On the street people interested: a young man, tell me where you bought cabbage; and the like.
Because the student didn’t get a place in the dorm he rented a room in a communal apartment. He waited for later in the evening when neighbors would stop roaming in the kitchen, so he can begin the process. He poured water into a pan, generously pour salt, so tissue peeled off better, and put it on the stove burner. Brought to a boil, looked, admired own work, and left for his room to study.
He lay down on the sofa and began to study the anatomy. With a big diligence he tried to memorize the atlas bone of the skull.
Meanwhile, in the middle of the night one of his neighbor - sosedka (Russian name for a female neghbor) with a weak urinary bladder went to the restroom. Sosedka was very curious by the her nature. Especially her curiosity was tireless regarding the student. Whom he brings to his room? And with whom he sleeps? And how much money he has? And what he buys? Why he all the way suddenly boils in the middle of the night in a large saucepan? He never ever boils anything except a kettle for a tea.
She looks around; she lifts the lid, and sticks her nose into the pot. And quietly falls between the stove and the table. Fainted. After smelling soup. And seeing contest of the pan. Quite unexpected menu.
Another neighbor, sosed (Russian name for a male neighbor) gets out of his room to have a glass of water after all alcohol he had today. He sees lying sosedka, sees the boiling pot with a weird smell. What the hell? He called laying woman by name meanwhile looking at the gas range ... And he sees a human head is looking at him from the pot.
He twitches with a wild cry, knocks a saucepan from the range, scalded himself with boiling water, and screams unbearable. Pan bounced on the floor, and undercooked head rolled out.
The awful scream waked up all neighbors of the communal apartment. All the doors are slamming, and all other neighbors pop up one by one. So what they see:
Neighbor jumps like he is slaughtered, and screams like in a Judgement Day. Sosedka lays down on the floor, so on display only the legs and, half naked pretty big ass and part of her back. A considerable part of her upper body is not visible. And on the floor in some big puddle is lying disfigured, horrible head.
And in horror, everybody realizes, that it should be sosedka's head.
And then in the silence kicks big funeral bell, and hereafter loud voice announces:
- It's my head ...!
There are already at another neighbor happened involuntary urination. Others were blue and only open mouth, like a fish on air.
This was our student, who already happily fell asleep during his study, but was awakened by all buzz and commotion. With a panic filling his heart he flew out of his room. On the way to the kitchen in the dark corridor he hit with his head a copper pan for cooking jam, which hung on the wall to the next summer, which made sound of the big bell, and from the pain yelled said the phrase in response
- It's my head ...! His voice in pain, spark snuffed out from his eyes.
He grabs a lying head, blowing on his fingers and throws it into the pan, returns it to the stove, not stopping to curse stupid company of neighbors. Student lowers poor neighbor pants and rub vegetable oil and cologne on his burns. Remnants of cologne rub on sosedka and slaps her cheeks. She opens eyes, jumps, and hides behind people, terribly shaken.
The student tries to explain. Neighbors crave retribution. They called for an ambulance. Every second inhabitant of the apartment is near a heart attack. Especially wants revenge the one, badly scalded one foot below the waist. Everybody stutters. Stutters, but never less calls the police. Well, let the police to sort out whom belongs the head!
... Usually, medicine and police response coincide, but this time they are separated decisively. Ambulance people littered with delight and excitedly recalled their own student activities; but Police are furious and began questioning and even with the use of physical interrogation effects: the sergeant hit the student in his ear, so he behaves more quietly and looked more guilty.
It will cost him a big deal not to get expelled from the institute, by justifying boundless love for medicine and respect to all of its ancient traditions. The head was returned back to the morgue.
Of course, our student was removed from the scholarship for the entire next semester.
By the way so to speak about, off an anatomy, he flunked the test on first approach.