I just wanted this day to be special; wished something special could have happened, something that could have brought lots of positive energy to my dull summer weekdays. But, as it usually happens to me, when I want things to be more positive, they get much worse than they were. The same thing happened today, and I got an overdose of negative emotions. Its drops still remain in my heart; not all of them left it with tears, words and thoughts.
So, who made my heart beat faster? Who made me think and speak of only one person? Who made teardrops fall from my eyes down to the paper washing out inks? Who made me love, love unrequitedly, love so much that I become mad and my legs give way as if they wanted to drop my body down to the cold ground and leave it there forever?..
HE. HE is the answer to every single question that my mind asks my heart, for my mind doesn't always realize what's going on. My mind doesn't get why my body doesn't obey its commands and in spite of everything it calls HIM, runs to meet HIM, smiles to HIM, and speaks to HIM. And when speaking, says not the right things, but says the things coming from the heart instead.
What to do if the heart says 'yes' and the mind says 'no', so that the body rushes about not knowing which one to listen to? It doesn't know whether to embrace the one who is both my dreams and my reality or say goodbye and get away right now; though getting away from HIM kinda means getting away from the sense of my whole life.
However, the heart wins this battle, and HE hears me laughing, sees me smiling, and we look each other in the eyes… But all of it ends in a moment. The heart becomes weak, and the mind takes all power. The mind whispers to my feet that have already stick to the ground, to my arms that cannot move as if they were stones, to my eyes that look only at HIM…
The mind whispers to my body "Go! Go! HE loves other girl, and you know it!" It is useless: my body isn't moving, it's like a statue. It listens to the heart only. And the heart wants to hope, to believe that it is worth it and, finally, to love…
Suddenly the eyes that used to look only at HIM looked around. Next minute the heart was broken to smallest pieces, sharp splinters of love. Because there was other girl standing next to HIM. My eyes were immediately filled with crystals-tears, and the mind screamed at the heart "Now you see it?! See? HE doesn't love you!"
The heart began crying with blood because of realizing that the mind was right, and that HIS heart will never belong to mine. In despair the heart ordered the body "Cry! Cry and run away! Run as far as you can to forget about this nightmare and never remember it again". But the body remained at its place; it didn't listen to the heart anymore.
The mind said to continue the conversation and not to show despair. The body obeyed. My lips were opening to let out some sounds, words, phrases. And the heart didn't care, because it saw what the eyes saw: HIM, the best one, and other girl next to HIM.
With every second the heart was beating faster and faster because of an unbearable picture of two whose happiness was forbidden to break. The blood became very hot. And the heart beat even quicker until the mind lost its consciousness…
August 5 2015