Yes, dear reader. Here, in this book we will talk about the very-very main hero of ancient Greece. About Hercules. Who made more feats than all the other characters combined? Can you imagine? One Hercules did more than all the 33 heroes of Ancient Greece. That is to say, according to the number and quality of heroics Hercules is in the first place–he’s out of competition. There are no second and third places and in the fourth is the famous Theseus. In the fifth – Bellerephon, in the sixth - Odysseus, and further- other heroes of lower rank.
The supreme god was Zeus to whom the other gods were subordinate. Despite his busy schedule, Zeus found time for adventures. In many cases the supreme god showed devilish inventiveness just to reach what he wanted to. In this aspect is very revealing the story of Mycenaean princess Alcmene. She, the poor one, literally adored his husband Amphitryon (by the way, the grandson of Perseus, the son of Zeus), and Zeus himself, once having seen her purposed to seduce her.
And what did this villain do? He made a little war, waited until Amphitryon would gather an army and went to campaign and then - notice the sophistication, he turned himself into Amphitryon and returned to the palace saying that he had forgotten his favorite slippers. "The searches" for slippers delayed for three days and three nights, so Alcmene didn’t know what to think. Finally, the alleged Amphitryon caught himself, and said that it was time and went. A couple of months later the real husband got back and Alcmene immediately became suspicious.
- Don’t you love me?
- Why do you think so, my joy and happiness?
- It’s simple. When you were back for slippers, you loved me much more and gave such gifts ...
- What? Are you kidding? What slippers, woman?
- Well, those made of camel felt, decorated with sapphires with chrysolites. The ones you bought on sale. God, what unapprehensive you are.
- Stop. Sit down and tell me everything in order .
- Alright! Do you remember how you went campaign?
- Naturally.
- Do you remember how your combat boots were shrinking and how you were back for slippers?
Here Amphitryon pretended that he remembered.
- That's it, honey. Oh, it was so wonderful. And now, after three months of the campaign ... Amphitryon left Alcmene and made a questioning among the household. All as one confirmed that actually. Allegedly Amphitryon returned for three days and that all the three days he spent in the bedroom of the princess. Firstly, the king decided that he was being tricked and beheaded the first three jokers, but then he strongly pondered. Finally, he came to an idea which told him that he couldn’t get along without gods, and then, remembering which of the gods was famous for similar pranks, shuddered. And so it was. Theban soothsayer Tiresias revealed to Amphitryon that while he was bravely fighting in the campaign, the great Zeus himself was entertaining with his wife. Then Tiresias hinted that Alcmene was not guilty and he should forgive her. Amphitryon had nowhere to go. However, soon the life was adjusted and nine months later Alcmene gave birth to a hero named Hercules.
Why do we say that Hercules made his feats in Ancient Greece? Because it was long ago and it happened on the territory of Modern Greece?
Probably it is so. On the other hand, you do not say, like "Ancient Honduras." Or "Ancient Senegal." But you do say "Ancient Egypt". That is to say, in Egypt and Greece there were highly developed civilizations, that's why it’s so. But in Honduras, Canada or in Senegal there were no civilizations. There were wild tribes who eked out a miserable existence, not knowing writings, music and literature, while in Egypt on the orders of the pharaoh Cheops another pyramid was built, while in Greece the Trojan War was going on, later described by Great Homer.
Luckily, the medical card of Hercules, recorded on a thick cardboard, was fully saved. Due to this , we know that the greatest of all Greek heroes had unique physical data. Well, his height was equal to 7 feet and 7 inches, and weight – about 300 pounds which indicate an unusual proportional stature. It’s interesting that when he was born he was a very sick child (height – 1 foot and 4 inches, weight – five pounds). The medicine cart also shows that he got vaccinations against measles, rubella and diphtheria, but not against pertussis, so the baby suffered from a disease which was cured after the hired servants took him up on Mount Olympus, but not to the very top , where the gods lived, but a little bit lower. The king himself uncomplainingly accepted the child as his (what else could he do), and began to raise him as a prince.
The jealousy of wives is well known, the goddesses’ as well, but even among them the most jealous one was the wife of Zeus, lovely Hera. Of course, the goddess immediately conceived a fierce hatred to the baby and decided to murder him. For this, she even sacrificed her hand snakes, which he had trained for several years. At night the reptiles crawled to the royal palace, passed the sleeping guards, found the baby room and crawled into his crib. Fortunately, the baby was not sleeping, and he was curiously watching them, taking them for his new Japanese toys. Then Hercules grabbed the snakes for neck and strangled them without any effort. Hera, who was watching the process of the fight, broke an antique Chinese vase from rage and threw her husband wild scene. But there came a bummer. Seeing the broken vase, for which at the time were paid large sums of money, moreover in hard currency, Zeus got angry and turned her into a chicken. Enjoying enough her cackle, he returned her into her former appearance, but warned that the next time he will send her to the chicken farm.
The king gave to Hercules the best education. The child learned dances, languages and geometry. Fencing foil, epee and saber were taught to him by a multiple world and Olympic games’ champion Castor, classical Greco-Roman wrestling – by the Balkan Universiade famous champion Autolycus, philosophy – by Socrates, geometry – by Great Euclid himself, and playing musical instruments- by the brother of Orpheus, Lin. Unfortunately, as a musician, Hercules was incredibly stupid. When he was three years old, a trained bear stepped on future hero's ear, so that Hercules completely lost the ability of playing music. Lin made him learn scales, chords and triads, but it was vain. As soon as it came time to play the cittern, Hercules got out of tune and tore the notes and the strings from annoyance, and once, when Lin hit him on hand with ruler, Hercules got angry and bumped maestro with the heavy lyre on his musical head.
Dear lyre was broken, and Lin, the great Lin was killed. As there were no prisons at that time, there were two kinds of punishment - if the king found that the person was guilty then he sentenced him to death or, he sent him to the Cithaeron forest. It’s clear that, sentencing the son of Zeus to death was absolutely impossible, and that’s why Amphitryon sighed.
- Son, to the Cithaeron forest, quick march!
Hercules was even glad, for the chance to get rid of the shivering over him micromanagement of the King. He plunged into the cart food, clothing, a cot and went into the woods. There, on the bank of a mountain stream, he built himself a hut and enjoyed the solitude for two days. On the third day someone gently knocked on the door.
- Who's there?
- That’s we, the nymphs.
- I wonder what do they look like? - Thought Hercules - Come in, dear.
Hercules saw nymphs for the first time. Both nymphs were beautiful, but in different ways. One of them, a spectacular dark brunette with black circled eyes, with chiseled nose and lipstick spoke first.
- We know that you are Hercules and warn you that you have two choices.
- I can see by myself that you’re two.
- Don’t be rude, hero - barged into the conversation the second highlighted modestly dressed nymph with brown hair, without any trace of makeup on the clean face - it's about your future and we have reasons to be here. So, listen. My name is Virtue and I came here to pursue you to choose this path in life. This one - she nodded toward the brunette–is the personification of wickedness and tries to convince you the correctness of her position.
Hercules mentioned about him that the Viciousness is cuter than the Virtue.
- Dear Hercules –began the Viciousness - you are created by the nature to continue the human race. You are incredibly strong, proportionately built, moreover you’re very handsome. People like you are specially created for love. Why do you need to get involved in different dangerous campaigns in which you can easily make your head get into a trouble? You are a quite wealthy man, the son of the King. Drink, meet with nice girls, and enjoy the life. Because you won’t have another life. Think on your own- where will be better for you - in modern expensive air-conditioned restaurant or in a ragged wet tent with mosquitoes? Well. Are you hungry? At your service delicacies from across Eurasia, are you thirsty? Well, write out French brandy, Swedish vodka, and Portuguese madeira. You can even write out a marvelous Coke from far America.
And if you think about romantic campaigns then know that you are not always going to drink pure water from a mountain spring. You'll have to drink dirty swamp water having a great risk of catching typhoid, and even cholera. And there are no antibiotics yet, dear, and there will be nothing to treat you. I urge you to listen to the call of your stomach. Believe – the ancient instincts are the most reliable supports in life.
- And now listen to me, - said Virtue, wearing her glasses - What is the difference between an intemperate man and a pig? One who doesn’t set high goals, but is being chased by all the ways of pleasure, how can he differ from reckless beasts? Remember, only temperate people can set high goals and, by dividing both the acts and reasoning of things according to their types, give preference to good and avoid the evil. Courage is the knowledge of how to deal with dangers smartly and fearlessly. Only the one should be considered brave, who knows the dangers and is able to act in the required way. Justice is knowledge of how to follow the laws that exist in humans. There are two kinds of laws: written and unwritten. Observation of written laws is the basis of the welfare of the kingdom. Unwritten laws are the ones given by gods themselves to the human race and respected in all countries in the same way. Restrain your passions and subdue them to your minds. Deliver benefits both to you and to people and you will be happy.
For several seconds Nymphs ate Hercules with their eyes, then silently turned and left synchronously.
The speeches of the nymphs impressed the exile a lot. However, Hercules was not a fool, and he began reasoning.
- Of course, each sandpiper praises his own marsh. If it is the nymph Virtue, then it is very natural that she praises all possible abstentions, justice and so on. In fact, let’ssuppose I have a choice - to watch football or not to. So what? Should I restrain? Well, no! But the perversity is the vice-versa. Seems to me that in life one should do both. Everything is good in moderation - taught me Socrates. That's who is truly wise, not the nymphs. However, Socrates himself is like one unit consisted of nymphs. Yes, and I will live so. If there is need I’ll refrain, and if there is not – I’ll trample and them, them…
However, Hercules led such life not for so long. A week later a neighbor boy showed up in his hut( oh, these neighbor boys) and informed about some important news.
- In Thebes heralds of king Orchomenus came for the tribute. Our uncle-king became sad, he doesn’t know from where to get the money, and Orchomenus turned on the counter. Uncle Hercules, can I shoot from your bow?
- Shoot while I gather my belongings and fold the cot.
Arriving in Thebes, Hercules saw the king Amphitryon, with the head in his strong hands, and in front of him were standing the heralds and were demanding the tribute threatening with war.
- Oh, what a misery, what a misery... murmured the king.
Without saying a word, Hercules approached to the heralds and cut their noses with his dagger.
- Miserable, unworthy heralds! Get to your Tiryns and tell your king to shut up once and for all, or he will regret for it for thousand times.
People rarely know how to correctly calculate the consequences of their actions. Silly king of emotions and went to fight with Thebes. The decisive battle took place near Thebes, not far from the small village of Waterloopus.
The Theban troops were commanded by Amphitryon, and Hercules was the marshal. At a crucial moment Hercules brought the cavalry against all the five wings and had a stunning victory. The king of Tiryns was completely defeated and sentenced to pay tribute to Thebes twice more than previously he was paid. But, alas! Amphitryon received stab wounds on head and, although in the military field hospital, he underwent craniotomy and neck transplant, nothing helped. Amphitryon died in Hercules’s hands, and the new king Creon wisely gave him his daughter.
Everyone calmed down and it was quiet for several years. Hercules grew up his kids, who made friends with the children of his brother Iphiclus and the adults led calm, measured life. But Hera, jealous Hera couldn’t calm down. One day Hercules, as always took kids to the sandbox and began to read his favorite book, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", written vy famous Marc Twain. At this time an old man came up to him and asked how he could get to The City Hall. Hercules stood up and politely replied. Being touched the old man gave him a green pill as a sign of gratitude.
- Eat, kind man, and you will see a miracle.
The hero who was suspecting nothing ate the pill and lost his mind. In the fit of insanity, Hercules killed his own children and his nephews. At an extraordinary council of gods a special meeting was held at which they decided to punish Hercules and instruct him to make ten labors which had to be confirmed by his cousin Eurystheus, king of Tiryns, after which the hero could claim to immortality. About cousin one could say just an immortal phrase of classics – pathetic pipsqueak. But, alas –everywhere they were the rulers, and therefore the hero walked to him to give a bow.