Unfinished story of madness

Foreword
Have you ever thought about fact, how important our lives? Can one person affect the whole world? How important are our solutions? I think it is. And I think that one person can change the lives of many. For the better, or for the worse.
This is exactly what I see every day. Every day I see myself and show others how they changed the world. You know, pretty nice to see in the eyes of person understanding that in this world, he has played no small role. Let me tell you a little about myself. I have many different names. But most call me Guide. I meet people on the brink of life and death. Some die, some come back to life. I just show them what they have done ... and what could be done. I can’t predict the future. This is ridiculous. Nobody can predict the future. Future - is a consequence of our actions and decisions. So how do I know what you decide to do? I'm just doing my job. Some sit in the office all day long. Someone at school or university. Someone has to sit out the ass near the TV. And I meet a soul on the edge, so they would not have been so bad.
I'm not the only one. We are many. At least, I think so. I've never met other guides. I'm already dead - it's true. It was a long time ago. I was only 22 years old. Now I am always 22 years old. I fell out of the window. My cat climbed onto the ledge, and I climbed up to get it. One second - I'm flying down. Next - and I'm standing in front of my body. Then I did not realize what had happened. Only when I heard the sound of an ambulance siren, I realized that I had died. I loved life. I did not know what would happen next. I still don’t know. On the day I was given a choice: I could stay, but I will help other souls. I have no right to interfere in other people's lives. Then I had a choice: go to the new world or stay in it, as a conductor. In our life there are times when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our lives, but when we are faced with something unfamiliar, many people prefer to go back. And I chose to come back.

Chapter 1
Here I am sitting on a bench near the park. I don’t know what this park is. Moreover, I don’t even know what the city it is. It doesn’t matter. Everyone has a soul. And every soul needs help.
People walk around with children. On a nearby bench guy gently hugs the girl. He says he loves her. She too. Many times I've seen it.
About my foot hit the ball. Child. Oh, those kids. Grabbed the ball and ran on to play.
I don’t know who will be my "client". This is the saddest. I always see how people live, and then see how they die. It's not a pleasant sight. Suddenly, a flash of the camera flashed. Interestingly, I hit the shot? Have you ever wondered, how many people have your picture? You may be present at the execution of someone's dreams. Or the destruction of the same dream.
I heard a sharp screeching brakes. Kick. And here is my client. Now no one could see and hear me. Neither me nor him. Next to me sat a man. In appearance about 40 years. In expensive suits, leather shoes and a gold watch on his arm.
- What happened? - He asked.
- I don’t know. Come on, let's see.
We got up and went to the crossroads, where already fled all and sundry. I went ahead. He is for me. I stopped. And he stopped.
- What? But how is this possible ?! - He shouted.
- You hit by a car. And if the ambulance does not have time to save you, then you’ll die. - I calmly explained.
- But I'm standing here! I'm here! See?
- Only I can see you. And only you can see me. Let's go. We have much to do.
We walked along the road. With every step the people around dwindled. All the way, we walked in silence. And finally the first door. This is the door to the defining moments of life "clients". Moments that something changed. The first door was white. The most common door as hundreds of others.
- Please. After You. - I pointed to the door, standing in the middle of the deserted street.
- I ask you! - He got on his knees and began to beg me - I don’t want to die! I am ready to pay any money! I want to live!
As a lot of people I've ever met. They think they can buy anything and everything. This is stupid. Why do I need his money? Especially, if he thinks that I can keep him alive or not. Stupid people.
- It's not for me to decide. I'm just going to show you something, and the rest - not my thing.
- But I want to live ... - he began to cry. Weak people. They are afraid of the unknown. I am also afraid. That's why I'm here.
I opened the door, took his hand and we went in. We stood in some room. Hostel. Two beds on opposite sides of the room. Old cabinet door is ready to fall off. A pair of shabby chairs. The walls are hung with a variety of posters. From musicians to naked girls, with a reversal of some erotic magazine. Near the window is a table. On the one hand piled books on economics and mathematics. On the other - these same magazines.
On the bed sat a guy with a girl. This is the first time. Moment when the "client" is taking its first steps along the path where you want to life. This is the most interesting moment. At least for me. During the first moment, I know that I must understand the "client".
Man kissing a girl sitting on the bed. This is my "client". Funny teenager. Diffident, pimply teenager. Perhaps he still stutters. Interestingly, and why this was the first time? What did he do? He began to take off blouse with his girlfriend. But suddenly she pushed him away.
- This is what we didn’t agree - she said.
It's interesting. He got out of bed, walked over to a chair, on which hung the jacket and pulled out his wallet. All clear. This should be expected, after he bargained for his life.
- And you thought it would be, if you didn’t pay it then? - I asked, looking from the young to the old.
- Yes I Am. I would have remained pimply loser. I loved this girl. Then I realized that you can buy everything. - He has calmed down and stupidly watching sex scenes from his youth.
- Do not you think, how you affect this girl?
- Probably got on board?
- I don’t know. Come on, let's see.
I pointed out to him the next door. This door looked clearly better than the previous. It looked like the entrance to some museum. We entered.
This is the second world. The world of man, whose life has changed the most "client". Sometimes life is changing for the better, sometimes for the worse. And some simply lose their lives.
We were standing near a beautiful, two-story mansion. Near the house stood a yellow Porsche. Strange. Usually, after such a "first" moment to be a little bit different "second". Okay. Let's see what's next. Maybe all is not as it seems at first glance. We entered the house.
Expensive furniture. Throughout the picture. Judging by the form of the whole house, paintings were clearly originals. We climbed to the second floor. There were photos of couples. It was a family that girl that we have just seen for the "first" door. Married on the calculation. Here's the thing.
In the corridor came a young man, 25 years old in appearance, wrapped in a towel from the waist down.
- When your husband back? - He asked his mistress.
- Later in the afternoon - she said, catching his breath.
The guy opened the door to the bathroom, came in and closed it. She walked over to the bar, took out a bottle of whiskey and poured himself and drank a gulp.
- Whiskey poisoned. - I said in the void.
- What? - Asked "client"
- Her husband. He poisoned whiskey. That was the end of her life.
The bathroom door began to glow. There was a third door. Now we will see how life could arise if the "client" acted differently in the "first" moment.
- Let's go. - I said, patting her on the shoulder, "client"
- Can you tell me what's going on? - He asked, uhvatyvayas the sleeve of my jacket.
- Not yet.
I prefer not to talk to the "clients" until we finish the walk. I talk to them just before the fourth line. But more on that later.
I opened the third door and we entered. We were in the apartment. In a small, poor, but very comfortable apartment. The front door opened. Entered my "client". Other. One standing next to me, and the other just entered the apartment. No one could see us. It is something different. Gleam in his eyes. In this world, he is happy. He ran out to meet the little girl, about eight years old. He hugged her and raised his hands.
She said that she missed. This is his daughter. She loves her daddy. The front door opened again and appeared on the verge of the woman who was behind each door of my "clients" life. This is the most important person in his life. And he missed it. I patted him on the shoulder and we went to the front door. Out.
Once again, we were on a deserted street where there was a door number one.
- Now we can talk. - I smiled. - You must have a lot of questions.
- What was that? - He was at a loss.
- Your life. You saw what you did, something that brought your choice and what might happen, you have done differently.
- I would like to change all that - with tears in his eyes he said.
- And what have you learned during our walk? - I asked.
- I realized that it would be better confessed my love for her that evening. I loved her. For this reason, I’ve never got married. And now ... she's dead.
- You too. - I said, putting my hand on the shoulder of my "client". - It's the last door. You'll know what to do.
As Mark Twain wrote: "In twenty years you will be more sorry for what you did not do than what you did. So, give doubts. Swam away from the safe harbor. Explore. Dream. Open. "
And here is my current "client" sincerely regretted that do never ventured ...
He took hold of the handle of the door and opened it. Bright light hit me in the eye. I was blinded.
When I opened my eyes again, I was sitting on the bench and at the intersection behind me, was still a lot of people. Gawker. What is interesting to observe the dead man? Heard the sound of ambulance sirens. On Time. They don’t have time. No matter how hard. "Client" prefer to choose another world. Not everyone is given such a choice. But he made his choice.
I got up from the bench, came to the opposite edge of the park, bought a hot dog and went to the next customer. There is a lot of work.
Chapter 2
I crossed the road and opened a new door. Doors - that's my secret. They always lead to the desired location. Don’t be afraid to open new doors. Now I opened the next.
Dirty corridor ordinary communal. I need a room number ... four. I walked down the hall to find the right place. Eighth ... six ... and here is the fourth. I’m stop. The door was ajar. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me. Look at once I don’t have time. In my eyes caught a body dangles from the ceiling. Unexpectedly. But especially hard I wasn’t surprised. I remember once I entered into a similar apartment. Then I couldn’t get in, as I was immediately spurted blood. The "client" was shot himself.
Hung by the neck on the chandelier hung young guy. 20 years, no more. On the table was a suicide note. I haven’t read the suicide note. I think it's personal. Especially since we all know that there have to write. "In my death I ask blame of something" or "I'll love you even in heaven," or "No one is to blame for this. This is my decision. " In general, none of my business, read his suicide note. Once I sat on the bed next appeared as my new "client".
- Are you God? - He asked.
- No. - I replied. - I'm just a guide.
- That's good.
- Why?
- Because I'm fucking look bad, hanging from the ceiling. - In such situations, he manages to make jokes.
- He still sees you.
- But tell me now that he can’t.
He was surprisingly calm. I have never seen such a quiet man. The impression that he has no emotions at all. I've seen a lot of suicides, and this surprised me, frankly. Calm and confident look. Probably too much pain had to experience this young boy. Sometimes the pain is becoming a significant part of your life and you start to get used to it and then you can’t even remember what life was without pain. It seems that the pain became commonplace for him.
- Fair Enough. We have to go. - I said, getting out of  bed.
He just followed me. The first door. Not a big town. Just like in the movie. Houses, and again at home. Throughout the house. And it creates a true comfort. Voices were heard behind our  back. I looked around. Out of the house boy and girl. He was carrying a bag. They stood on the porch.
- We must leave ... - she said.
- What? But why? - The guy was clearly at a loss.
"Another suicide because of love" - I thought. Today it is quite common excuse. People do not always understand the difference between love and infatuation. Everyone believes that at the beginning of life's journey, will meet the same one ... the only soul mate.
- But I don’t want to leave you. - Said the "client", and in his eyes there was a slight tinge of tears.
- I want to ...
With these words she went into the house and closed the door. He stood in the doorway holding a bag.
- I was waiting for the car. - Told me my "client". - I think we'll all together.
- You're not the first one. - I said. - Let's Go.
We headed to the other side of the street, where there shone door number 2 behind us came the sound of the engine and the car drove away.
As soon as we opened the second door, we were hit in the face a fresh breeze. We went in and were in the cemetery. There was, the kind of girl that two minutes ago we saw near the house. One of her hand resting on a marble stone someone's grave, and the other she held on her stomach. Tears filled her face.
- Whose grave? - Asked the "client".
- Look In. - I said, though it was quite predictable.
- This is my grave! - Now I first saw the sincere emotion on his face.
- What are you so surprised?
- But ... she had ... she left me ...
- This doesn’t mean that she didn’t love you. She was pregnant by you. And just wanted you to fulfill your dream.
- But I love her so ...
- Apparently the dream you loved more than her. You're gone. Do you remember?
He fell to his knees and began to cry. They were close. That's when he saw her, but she didn’t. She was alive, and he is gone. She had lost him, and he realized that to really lost it, until now.
- It's time to go ... - I said.
He rose from his knees and went for me. The third door. Now it will be even harder. This door I decided to open myself. Pulled the handle and ... we were near the house, which was behind the first door. From backyard heard a scream. We went.
Sitting in a rocking chair and bleeding was my "client". Sitting beside his beloved crying.
- What? But why did I do it? - Asked me "client".
- She had a miscarriage. And again you thought that made the wrong choice.
- But I love her!
- Your dream you loved more.
We entered the house and saw the last door.
- Now it's time to say goodbye. - I said, patting the "client" on the shoulder.
- And what I've seen it all?
- To the next life you did not commit these mistakes.
- I'll remember this?
- No. But you will make new mistakes.
- Say something goodbye?
I do not know what to say. I looked in the mirror and saw my "client".
- Look at yourself in the mirror. Who's looking at you? Maybe you had to be someone else? The man who you could be, but you didn’t. Why should you believe that dreams come true every day? It's simple. Because it's true.
He smiled slightly and took the last door handle.
- Thank you. And goodbye.
Again bright light. I'm standing in the street outside the house in which just hung young guy. 20 years, no more. The guy who couldn’t decide. He would in any case have to choose. All parishes. He chose death, not to make choices in life. Stupid choice. As hard as you were not, death is not an option. With every weakness must be fought. The American philosopher William James wrote: "If you have to make a choice, and you don’t do it - it is also a choice".
Chapter 3
Morning. How to be funny sounds, but today is my day off. It's rare, but it pleases.
I was sitting in a cafe with windows facing the busy street. People went back and forth. Everything moves, the world moves, but nothing happens. Most people in this world simply ceased to live. They exist. Each day - the same as the previous one. People are born. And die. What happens between these two points? In most cases, no. Few people, of those I've seen, being on the other side of life, truly lived. I myself am not particularly wanted to "exclusive" life. I just lived. No. I was just there.
I sat in the cafe, looked out the window and was finishing my second cup of coffee.
- Good Morning. - There was a gentle and clear voice behind me.
I looked around. Next to me sat a brown-haired woman, 19 years old in appearance. Brown eyes, in which the incident as a canyon, but at the same time, those eyes penetrate deep into your own soul. She looked at me and smiled. Few people can both smile. So much sincerity in one person. I've seen a lot of different people, but this girl is captivated me at first sight. Some ran spark in her eyes. She was interesting to live. She loved to live. And she knew it.
- Hello - I replied, without much emotion.
I prefer not to make acquaintance with the living. I was just watching them. Look at them from the side.
- I hadn’t seen you here before. You have just arrived?
- I'm just passing.
- And all my life I live here. And every morning I come to this cafe and watch people. Here, for example, you see that man in a suit? - She pointed a finger at the man, 45 years old, who went to the road.
- I see.
- Now he looks around, looks back twice, and only then, will be to cross the road, and after, he once again look back and go to work.
I began to observe. He went to the transition, looked around, looked around, there are no cars, looked back and started to cross the road.
- You were right. - I smiled my interlocutor.
- And you see that woman over there? - She pointed to a young woman in a dark green dress, standing on the sidewalk.
- Yes I Am. I also drew attention to it, - I confessed - she stands there for about 20 minutes.
- And so every day. She comes and stands out. Every day.
The woman turned and walked in the direction from which she came about 20 minutes ago.
- And you're right again. - With a smile, I admitted.
I haven’t met people who would make me smile.
We sat in a cafe. At a corner table. Looked out the window. Watched people. We knew each other. We talked quietly. We did not need words. Sometimes it is enough that the person with whom you feel good, just been there. Sound space can remain free. Enough for you to simply exist together.
- Do you want me to show you the city? - She suggested.
This is not my rules - to communicate with the living ... But there was something alluring. Something, which is why I couldn’t refuse her.
- Well. Reveals.
We came out of the cafe, she took me by the hand. We went around the corner and went to the park. Time is right to noon, so that the park was almost no people. In the heart of the park was a small pond. We got closer and saw a whole flock of ducks floating on the surface of the pond. My companion took a small piece of bread and began, breaking off a piece, throwing them into the pond. Ducks popup to places where there was more bread.
She stood silently watching the ducks. The impression that she made some ritual.
- Often you come here? - I asked.
- Every day. - With a smile, she said.
This time her smile was a little different. On her face made shade of sadness, and her eyes were going to cry, but she restrained herself.
- When I was little, my mother and I often walked here. - She said, continuing to watch birds.
- Where is she now?
- She was killed ... three years ago. Since then, I come here every day and feed the ducks. ... Every day - the last words she spoke as if in a vacuum.
Again death. It is everywhere. Where there is life, there is death. This is the only logical conclusion to every story. Death.
I silently watched as my companion feeding the ducks. She turned to me, took my hand and we walked out of the park.
We walked around the city until it started getting dark. In one day, we were able to go everywhere. We were in the lovely cafes and dusty museums, and so encouraging shelters for homeless animals.
- I want to show you something else. - She said, when the sky lit up the first star.
Usually, I spend the people through the doors and history. But not today. Today, this sweet girl showed me her world. So how had seen it.
We climbed to the roof of the nearest house. She began to look at the sky, as if searching for something there.
- Do you see that star? - She pointed a finger at the sky - I come here to talk to her. I like to think that she hears me.
We sat down beside and began together to watch the night sky in which light up every minute of a new star.
- And what you're talking to a star? - I asked, turning to my new girlfriend.
- About everything. - She said, smiling.
We sat on the roof. I'm with her and she with me. She held my hand and her touch, I forgot about death, which every day I meet. My companion looked me in the eyes. Not even in the eyes. In the soul. She saw my own, and I saw her soul. She kissed me. Heart made one hit. Other. Third heartbeat echoed in my ears for a few seconds and it sank. Measurement of the whole world. There was nothing. Just us and the starry sky. And then again took a beating heart, and with it began to throb throughout the world.
Chapter 4
I woke up in my apartment alone. Yesterday we spent the night together with Victoria, and when she fell asleep, I left. My "life after death" now seemed like a silly dream. But, alas, it was not a dream. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a napkin, which recorded yesterday Victorias number. It is a pity that I can’t call her. I am not allowed to start a relationship with the living. And the dead too. What kind of relationships in general can be a question if I myself had already died.
Today I had to go back to work. Again death. Again conduct the soul through their lives. Well, yesterday I met with Victoria. We have long sat on the roof and talked together with the stars. It really helps. It is a pity that all that I can tell the stars, I can’t tell her. I got out of bed and began to dress.
My apartment was undeveloped quite modest. Bed, standing against the wall, desk, which I bought on sale, just before my death. In the next room there was a fridge and a sofa. Several chairs are arranged around the rooms, only for the species, as for them, I never sat. Only a chair, standing beside the table, I paid attention.
I opened the door of my apartment and immediately found myself on the street. Fifty meters from me was a crossroads. I slowly started to go to it. People everywhere. Such different and so are the same. Granny with a sidecar, office "gentleman" in a neat suit, a young man with a bouquet of flowers and a boy who is waiting to someone started to cross the road and then he wouldn’t be afraid to move it. We always think that it is safer to do something, when there are people. How to know. Maybe it is. On the other side, too, there were people. People everywhere. They go back and forth and forget to live. Traffic light still burned red. On the contrary there were a group of children with their teacher, several teenagers who clearly lacked the attention of parents and the girl with a blinding smile and notebook in hand. I turned my head and realized that the guy with the flowers and the girl. Here it is, a perfect morning for ideal two. As soon as the traffic light shows green, each of them will rush to the meeting to another. And the one who takes the first step, will give that they are stronger than love.
Green. People are starting to go, and I silently watching the scene. Granny stood rooted to the spot, "gentleman" didn’t even stepped onto the road, the boy hid behind him. Man shouting something to his girlfriend, but she doesn’t hear. An instant. One hit. The machine begins to accelerate and disappears around the corner. I look at the road. Middle of the road lies a young girl. Under her head beautiful bouquet of flowers, and sitting next to a guy. He shouts something, but no one responds. All shock. Only that these people were witnesses of pure love, and now will witness a murder. Surely, unintentional, but murder. Everyone started to come closer. He said something to her, but she just smiled and tried to give him a notebook. He took notes and tears began to fall on the paper.
... Last breath and exhale. When a person dies, his last breath is like a breath of relief.
I turned and walked away from the road. There was already my client.
Chapter 5
It has been nearly a month since my acquaintance with Victoria, but I could not stop thinking about her. Every day, every hour, every minute. My "customers" were not interesting to me. I didn’t pay any attention to them. Just open the door. It seemed that I was doing it all my life. And Vicky ... Vicky was in another life. Or it wasn’t with me.
I opened the door and found myself at the bus station. Unknown to me the town, unknown to me people. Only saddened voice announces the arrival and departure of buses, was the same as in the other bus stations. I've always wondered this. All transport stations sound the same ad, and this impression that you're not going anywhere. This illusion of hopelessness.
I looked around and saw Vicky. My Vicky! She crossed the road. A truck sped toward her. I knew what would happen next. I've seen it many times. And I had no right to interfere. But I couldn’t let the person who in one night gave me more life than anyone gave my whole life, now deprived of its own. I pulled up and ran to meet Vicky. She saw me and stood in the middle of the road.
- Back! - I cried.
But she continued to stand. I looked away. The truck was getting closer and closer. At this point, most of all I was afraid not to have time. I was never late for their "clients". Always proved next to the soul. But now I had to get ahead of itself fate, if I may say so ...
I don’t know what happened at that moment. I came to sitting on the sidewalk. The truck went into the distance, and I sat there and felt that in time. Nearby sat Vicky and held my hand. We crossed the road and boarded the bus. Together. I told her everything. Starting with how I died, and ending in an open door in the morning.
- And what will happen now? - She asked.
- I do not know. - Puzzled I said Vicky - you're the first of my "clients" who I rescued.
- What do we do?
- Drive. Somewhere far away.
- Where they didn’t find us? - Asked Vicky and moved closer to me.
- I hope so. - I lied, and hugged her.
We got off the bus at the first station and saw them. On the type of ordinary people, man and woman 25 years old. I've never met them before, didn’t even see, but, I don’t know how, I knew who they were.
- Follow us. - Calm and steady voice, the guy said.
Vicky took me firmly by the hand and we went to the building. Coming closer, she took Vicky and led along. I was powerless. Some unknown force me, would not let me keep the next person I saved a few hours ago from destruction. I just stood and watched as the girl and Vicky are at the door. In one of those doors that I have discovered hundreds. The guy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the door, near which we stood.
- Come on. - He said, letting me forward.
I walked in the door. Bright light hit me in the eye. The door closed, and I was in my apartment. On a chair in the corner, sat a man. I never saw him, but I felt that it emits some heat. The light that has been behind every door, came from him.
- Sit down. - Quietly and calmly he said.
I sat on the bed and couldn’t utter a word.
- You broke the rule, and no longer will help souls.
- And what will happen to her?
- With the one you saved? It's nothing. She's just forget about you.
- Completely?
- Yes.
He pointed to the window where there was a cafe where I met Vicky . She sat in silence and watched the man who constantly looked for a woman who was waiting for something, and for the rest of the world that surrounds it.
- And what will happen to me? - I asked, looking down at the floor.
- Like everyone, you have a choice - he pointed to two doors. - You can stay in this world, or go to another. But I warn you, stay in this world, you will be locked up in one person. Only he will bind you to the world. This will be your punishment.
In our life there are times when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our lives, but when we are faced with something unfamiliar, many people prefer to go back.
I opened the door and found himself in a very ordinary room. In like I once lived. At the table in front of a computer, was a young guy and type something on the keyboard. "From now on, only four walls and only one person" - I thought. "Maybe someday I can get out of here."
I looked at him closely and start talking ...
«Soliloquy in four walls»
Day first: The rudiments of madness
Arthur Schopenhauer wrote: "In solitude one sees in himself what he really is."
- Do you think I'm crazy?
- No. Where did you get this?
- I'm talking to a wall. This, at least not normal.
- How do you know what is "normal"? Maybe all men are fools, and those who are close to lunatic asylums, in fact, see the real world.
- It gives us hope ...
- Why?
- It means that I can be normal. Or vice versa. In other matters, it does not matter. The main thing that I can change something.
- What if it's not you change, and someone else?
- Who, for example?
- Anyone. Everyone can change you. Your attitude towards people varies according to their deeds, and thus changes some part of you. The conclusion is that each person can change you.
- Somehow it's hard to ...
- I do with it. You build it yourself in your head. Do not forget that I'm just a wall with which you talk to not be very lonely.
- Are you easy to talk to ...
- Just as long as you don’t stand in front of goal. Then we will argue.
- And why do we argue?
- So you could choose. So you can feel the difference. In fact alone is very difficult to choose something.
- What do you think is better able to talk to people?
- How to know ... People sometimes are unpredictable. Especially, how do you know who and what to say. Suddenly, they are not interested.
- Did you interested?
- And you?
- I have no choice. It's all inside of me and it will tear me to pieces if I remain silent.
- So, while you talk, I'll listen. And when you get tired, I'm going to say something.
- Maybe I'm just tired of people?
- May be. Why do you ask?
- I don’t know. Just sometimes the world seems unbearably stupid.
- What about you?
- So am I ...
- What you didn’t like?
- I want to change myself. Or to change the world.
- Your world - is you. If you will not, then your world will not. If you look on that side, all people - are immortal ... for themselves. By changing yourself you change your world.
- Once all too difficult.
- I doubt it. Just you want everything to be complicated, so everything seems complicated.
- Some silly desires don’t you think?
- You said yourself that you're stupid ...
- And how wise up?
- No. Chuck Palahniuk wrote: "We dragged so, to lead a life correctly. Not to do anything stupid. And I think - the more it seems stupid, the more chances for me to escape and live a real life. "
- What do you mean?
- Only what you already knew, but what was afraid to admit.
- Better to be stupid?
- And don’t you scared to get too clever to understand the meaning of  life and to give up on him?
- If this side, it is terrible.
- So why take the risk?
- What if I don’t disappoint?
- Everyone who knew eventually disappointed.
- Better to be a naive fool, blindly believing in your dream?
- A dream is just an illusion, deception. But without this deception, live would not bearable.
- So why cheat yourself?
- It's easier ... when you have something to believe in.
Day Two: "Everywhere fragments"
Oscar Wilde said: "Prayer must remain unanswered, otherwise it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence."
- Oh! You came back.
- Yes I Am. And how could it be otherwise? I always come back.
- Just all of a sudden you wised up and decided to go to another place.
- I decided a long time, but still I can’t decide.
- It’s in vain. Autumn - this is the time when you simply need to ventilate the heart.
- Why ventilate heart?
- Don’t you know? Just as man needs water, the heart, sometimes, we need isolation from all emotions. Otherwise, it will not sustain loads and just stop.
- Can’t you give it a rest without leaving the usual place?
- Of course not. There are too many memories. Because of them the hearts stops. What you seem to have survived, returns and begins anew to put pressure on the heart. And when you are in an unknown place, what memories you can come?
- A man will miss home, will miss loved ones ...
- People are stupid. They run from one life to another to think about first. Isn’t that silly? They will never be happy, and their hearts, still, will stop by an overabundance of feelings.
- I, too, man.
- Of course. That's why you are afraid to admit that as long as holding on to the past, will be unhappy.
- That makes sense ...
- And why do you have blood on hands?
- I pick up the pieces and get hurt ...
- What happened?
- You don’t know when it ceases to hurt a broken heart?
- Not soon, my friend. At first, leaving the hope and with it the pain.
- I thought, hope dies last?
- So, the pain stays forever.
- And if you collect heart?
- You will not succeed.
- How Come?
- No man, couldn’t alone raise your heart.
- What to do?
- We need to find the one that wants to deal with your heart and entrust it to her.
- What if she will break it into many more pieces?
- Then you will again be even harder. But otherwise you will not get rid of the pain today.
- What is it that everywhere the pain?
- Exactly. Only as long as you feel pain, just as long as you live.
- And if she wants to come back?
- Do you forgive her?
- Forgiveness - is the ability of strong ...
- And I don’t forgive. I love it when everyone gets their just deserts.
- You know how to recognize your weaknesses. The most annoying is that to me with her good.
- And she with you?
- When she was good, she wasn’t with me....
Day Three: "..."
"Alone, a person often feels less lonely." Byron
- How do you do it?
- What is it?
- You always know what to say.
- You just have to look for answers in yourself, not in the outside world. The world in general is such a thing, in which the answers are hidden deep under cover of loneliness and indifference.
- I am always looking for the answers in myself.
- No. You're looking for them in their reflection ... in other people. Your reflection, it's not you. You have to look inside, and look only at the surface.
- I don’t understand.
- You just, and should understand it, unlike the others.
- How Come?
- Come to the mirror...
- So what?
- What do you see?
- Myself.
- No...
- Reflected?
- No! It's not even your reflection. You see me.
- But you're just a fantasy. As a kid: I just need an imaginary friend.
- Have you ever wondered why the children invent friends?
- I think that people don’t consider them singly.
- Not at all. They just need someone to know what they should do.
- But you yourself said that you - that's me.
- No. I told you I came up with. But you - it's you, and I - that's me.
- How, then, to determine where it ends I, and begins to you?
- It's simple: There's where it ends your weakness, my strength begins.
- In what sense?
- Your pain becomes my anger, your broken heart, turning into my desire for revenge.
- Is not it easier to forget?
- Forget maybe easier, but revenge - nicer.
- But if you got only negative emotions, then you can’t be happy.
- What is happiness?
- Well ... it's complicated. Happiness - is when you feel good.
- I can be good. So - I can be happy.

Day Four: "The remains of doubt"
Ludwig Beethoven baths said: "Music should strike fire from the hearts of men"
- What kind of music is playing?
- This Vivaldi "Four Seasons"
- Interesting. Turnover.
- Why?
- Once again I want to listen to.
- It was a "Spring"
- In what sense?
- There are four.
- Turn on the rest.
- I didn’t think you'd like Vivaldi.
- Music - is little that can allow a person to feel not only fly, but also fall.
- Beautifully said.
- It is important what I think is beautiful.
- So that's what I think is beautiful.
- Not necessarily.
- How is it? After all, I'll come up with you in my head.
- What if it was you in my head? Suddenly, it's not you I came up with, and I'll ...
- Is that possible?
- Everything is possible, my friend.
- And how do we know it?
- No. It is even possible that we are ordinary characters, someone until unfinished book.
- But then ... it turns out that we don’t decide anything?
- That's it. Just someone invents our dialogue.
- So...
- That's right, my friend. Means, that we are in someone's head. And it is even possible that this someone also didn’t come up with himself.
- How is it?
- Have you ever thought that perhaps our world, the world that people are so well know, just someone's invention? Brilliant novel, with an infinite number of storylines ... or storyline altogether one: yours. And the rest does not exist until it gets to the line in which you exist permanently...
Again-Man
Foreword
Just think about it, have you ever wanted to start a new life? Don’t just go somewhere else, namely, to begin a life "from scratch." Surely, the answer is "yes." Imagine that one morning you open your eyes and you will not know who you are. The world will continue to exist in the same way as before, the planet will continue to move in the universe, nothing will change. It is possible that someone is waiting for you, but you don’t remember. Someone whom you really need or someone who needs you...
 And your world, your universe will be different. Even not so. Your world just will. It’s not good, not bad. It just will. You open your eyes and you will think that they were first discovered. You have no memory, so - no past. Only now... and maybe the future.
Maybe each of us has forgotten something important? When he was born. Maybe each of us waiting for someone? Maybe each of us need someone?
You still think that I would like to start over? I think my life wasn’t perfect. I guess once I also thought that I wanted to start over. Surely, I wanted to forget everything that happened. Forget everything you've ever remembered...
But not now. Now I want only one thing:
TO REMEMBER...

Chapter 1
- Discharge!
- There Is! Pulse appeared!

I began to rebound. I heard steps, heard the door open and close. But I couldn’t open my eyes. Whether eyelids become heavier, or I just have not had the strength to lift them. About an hour I just lay there and listened. Listened to someone walking nearby, someone is talking. But I couldn’t understand what they say. It was like another world. As if behind a screen. And I'm standing on the other side and listen. But the conversation reached me only a monotonous hum. Finally, I was able to open my eyes. To me almost immediately approached by a girl in a white coat. I present logic. This isn’t a movie where you can see the nurse asked, "Where am I?".
- He came to himself - said the girl in a white coat.
Her voice was confident. And confidence was much more than in my mind. I came around ... but who am I? I tried to remember why I'm here. It didn’t happen.
- You remember your name? - She was standing right over me and I saw the pendant around her neck.
I tried to stretch the memory and recall my name. And it again didn’t work.
- No. - A hoarse voice I replied.
Interestingly, I've always such a voice, or I just been out for a long time.
- What happened to me?
- You fell out of the window. Ambulance arrived on time. Your heart has stopped, but they were able to run it.
- How long am I here?
- Three days. Now go to sleep. You need a rest. - With these words she turned and left the room.
But I didn’t need a rest. Now I needed answers. I came to, but didn’t know who I am. I knew instantly that I was in the hospital, but couldn’t remember what it looks like my apartment, from which, according to the nurse I fell. I felt like a child. Here only children tend to learn about the world, and I had to find out myself. I tried to remember how I look, but I didn’t succeed. I need to find a mirror.
I tried to get up from the bed, but my legs refused to listen to me and I fell. Just at this moment returned "white coat girl."
- What are you doing?!? You need a rest!
- I need a mirror, not rest.
She helped me to climb back onto the bed. I felt that now disabled. Forces were on the wane.
- Who I am? - There was a question, not waiting for an answer, I hung up.

Chapter 2
I woke up feeling that the sun burns my eyes. I opened my eyes. Right in front of me was a window. Someone didn’t think to push the curtains and the sun beat straight into my face.
- Wide Awake? - Heard a woman's voice from behind.
I looked around. At the entrance to the chamber was the same "white coat girl", which helped me to get to bed last night. Or yesterday. My internal clock seems to have stopped working.
- For a long time I’m in the hospital?
- I said yesterday - three days. Today is the fourth.
- What's My Name?
- I have no idea. You brought undocumented.
- Poor...
- You don’t remember anything?
- I remember trying to get up, but I couldn’t.
- Well, at least something. Go for the doctor call you.
After 10 minutes' white coat girl "back to the doctor.
- Good morning, sick. How are you feeling?
- I don’t know. The head is a little sore. And thirsty.
- Paige, bring water. - Nurse obediently left the room. - So, you remember what happened?
- I'm, like, fell out of the window.
- Here you go. And I was told that you don’t remember anything...
- I don’t remember. "White coat girl" said.
- It Is Clear. What is your name?
- I don’t know...
- Very Well. Well, the doctors recorded where you picked up. By the way, here are the things that you were with.
Doc gave me a package with, apparently, my personal belongings. I emptied the contents of the packet to its knees. Keys, cell phone with a cracked screen, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter and a purse.
- I smoke? - I asked a question in the air.
- Apparently, yes - the doctor answered the question, which doesn’t require an answer in this situation.
I didn’t want to smoke, so I put a cigarette on the nightstand and began looking at the rest of my property. Opened the purse. A decent amount of money. I didn’t count. None of the photos. Set of business cards, and any photos. Maybe even with the phone are lucky... I tried to turn on the phone, but nothing came of it. Apparently I'm good at it landed. In the House back "White coat girl."
- Water. Here You Go. - She handed me a glass of water.
I took a sip, and immediately felt better. I felt like after a hangover. Headache, and I had forgotten what happened to me last for 20 years and maybe more.
- Hey, you can bring me a mirror? - I asked Paige, it seems that was her name.
- Why?
- I want to see what I look like.
- Well, you're cute, but don’t look so. - Joked " White coat girl."
- Flirt leave for later. Okay?
- Agreed. - And she left the room.
I tried to get out of bed. At this time the attempt was successful. When Paige came back, I walked around the room. She brought a small mirror. I held it in my hands and couldn’t dare to look at myself. Everyone in the universe knows what he looks like. Depends on this man's self-esteem, and it affects the human perception of beauty. But if you don’t think about their appearance and, moreover, don’t know what you look like, then you will not think to look like someone, or someone like you, who looks worse than you and who is better. Not everything is relative. Not knowing their standards of appearance, you can truly perceive beauty. The beauty of not only people, but also the world around you. I returned the mirror to "White coat girl."
- And where is my stuff?
- Over there, in the chair.
I walked over to the chair. Jeans, a bright yellow T-shirt and flip flops. I changed. T-shirt was terribly dirty, and not the color I liked, so I had to buy a new one. Well, that turned out to be in the hospital shop. I packed up and left, while no one sees.
And behold, I‘m standing at the entrance to the hospital. In jeans and a gray T-shirt. The new man. Again-Man. I took out a cigarette, lit it and went to the parking lot of taxi drivers, holding a piece of paper with an address that the doctor wrote.

Chapter 3
And here I am standing at the window, from which a few days ago dropped a man. It wasn’t me. Someone else. Someone whom I had to learn to know yourself. Someone who I had become. I stood and looked at the building. Shakespeare wrote, "To be or not to be?" And stood in front of me the same question. I was able to enter and return to the previous life. Life, which once belonged to me. Life, which, until recently belonged to me. Or leave. Just walk away, without even thinking about the past. Think about how we make choices. We weigh the "pros" and "cons", from my own experience, opinions, habits and other things. We make choices on the basis of itself. And how to make the best choice without knowing yourself. So I decided to chance. Heads falls - back, tails - leaving. I tossed a coin and went.... I wasn’t interested in what fell. Heads or tails. Who cares? I have already decided everything. I don’t want to know the man who fell out of the window. What if he fell out, and tried to commit suicide? Then, perhaps, to know the reasons, I need to try again. And I went to create a new me.
I was just walking down the street. I don’t know where to begin creating a new self. Nobody knows. I doubt that this is a very popular activity. Although, while I was walking, I saw about 8 different advertisements with slogans such as "Make yourself a new one!", "You will find a new life!", "We will help you get rid of old habits!". And on each advertising were depicted happy people. Madly happy people. It becomes immediately clear how you like people who "create a new self." They have an interesting job: They are paid to pretend they are happy. And someone pretends to be free.
I was hungry and went into the first cafe, got on my "new way". And here I am sitting in a cafe with large windows that overlook the pretty busy street. Appetite was gone and I ordered coffee. In such an institution feel like in an aquarium. And you never know which one of you the viewer, who fish. People behind glass somewhere in a hurry. Every one of them. Some looked in the window and looked with envy at the visitors, who have nowhere to hurry. I looked around. People in the cafe were not much, but they were. I just looked at the others. Maybe someone of them I knew, but they didn’t show it, and I don’t remember. "On the days of morals" - I don’t remember where this statement, but it perfectly fits the description of antisocial generation.
I have about 10 minutes sat and watched "ants" that ran behind the glass until I heard a gentle and clear voice behind me.
- Hi. How is it going?
Across from me sat a rather pretty girl, 20 years old. Brown hair down to her shoulders and brown eyes led to believe every word.
- Hi. Like, not bad. - I replied. - We know each other?
- No. I just don’t have anyone to talk to, and you are the right candidate.
She smiled slightly and I immediately wanted to tell her everything. All I knew, I knew not, and even something that never guessed. This smile is not conquered. She wanted to believe. Looking at this girl, everything inside began screaming that she can be trusted. She can be trusted. That it can be trusted with any secret.
- And what I come?
- I don’t know. I just wanted you to be the most suitable. In my opinion, this is enough.
- It is enough.
- Tell me about yourself.
- I have nothing to tell.
- It can’t be. Everyone has a story to tell.
- But not me. I don’t remember anything. I mean nothing.
- And it happens?
- It happens. Yesterday I woke up in the hospital. And that's all I remember.
- And you don’t even know where you live?
- I know. - I handed her a piece of paper with an address that I got from the doctor.
- Well, let's go there!
We got up and went outside. People on the street wasn’t so much, but those who remained continued to rush in an unknown direction. They were probably one of those who was in a hurry "Create yourself a new" or something like that.
My companion went ahead and showed the way. I don’t really want to look at their homes. There's not I live. Someone else. Those who are no longer.
We walked up to the porch, where I stood for about an hour ago. I froze.
- Let’s Go. Don’t be afraid. I'm with you.
- And suddenly, I see there is something that I shouldn’t see?
- For Example?
- I don’t know. Something that might remind me of pain.
- Everyone is hurt. And be afraid of it - is quite normal. Remember, everyone is hurt. Someone shouts about it, but someone pretends that all is well. But everyone is hurt.
"Companion" took me by the hand and we went up to the apartment. Rather modest but cozy studio "abode". We went into the room. Neither the shelves or on the walls were not photographs. Not one. Single bed, desk, wardrobe and chairs for all the free corners. The chairs were covered with "good" layer of dust; apparently, I used them rarely, if ever, used. On the table was a laptop. My "companion" came and turned it on. While she waited for download, I opened the closet. At the bottom lay a sports bag. It seems that the bag was a kind of safe: Money, some papers and passport....
- Hey, what's your password on a laptop? - The voice of "companion" tore me from staring at the cover of the passport.
- I have no idea.
- Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. What did you find?
- Passport.
- And? What's your name?
- I don’t know. It's just a name.
- Well, look at it, time is "just a name."
 - What if I don’t like it?
- It's your business. Still, it's your life.
I put my passport to the bottom of the cabinet, pulled out of the bag and threw the paper next to the passport. Took the bag and began to put things.
- What do you do?
- I'll leave. It's not my apartment. Maybe mine, but that "I" is no more.
- So, it's not your thing?
- You're right.
I pulled out the things that have already thrown in the bag and put it back in the closet.
- But I'll leave the money itself. - With a smile, I said. - It is useful to me.
"Companion" laughed. I took an empty bag, put the money in the purse and headed for the exit.

Chapter 4
Getting dark. We walked around the city, which is slowly transformed from a teeming "ants workers' nest in the" Youth Center". People everywhere. Such different and so are the same.
- Take me home? - Asked "companion" and took me by the arm.
- Of Course.
We walked around the city, which seemed to be related to life is quite simple. Someone in a hurry. But it wasn’t such haste as day. Now people are happy to hurry. They rush to their friends, to their favorite. Hurry to have fun. Feel the "taste of life." These funny people. They exist at day to live at night.
We walked past the lighted windows, past the lucky passers-by. We didn’t go "around the city," we were "by the city." "Companion" was holding me by the arm and felt confident. I didn’t know her name or who she is. I didn’t even know who I am. I was just fine with it. So calm. All the problems with the explanation of "Who am I?" Went on the back burner. We stopped.
- This is where I live. - Said "companion."
- Thank you.
- For what?
- For what hooked me in the cafe.
- This is a thank you. Sorry that you decided to leave. I would like to meet again.
- That's right. - I said, smiling slightly.
- I don’t know how it happened. But I will not forget you.
She put her hand on my chest and my heart began to beat faster. It seemed as if everything around froze, but wouldn’t interfere this time.
- You're close enough that I could hear the beating of your heart - she said - but still not close enough for me.
"Companion" stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. She went to the door and turned around.
- My name is Vicky. - She said softly. - I hope that once I see how you come to my house.
- Do you know of anything that happened to me, you - the best one I have ever had.
Wick closed the door, and I went to the side standing nearby taxi drivers.
I could easily get to the station on foot, if he knew that he was so close. Perhaps I knew just forgot.
I bought a ticket on the bus that went in a few minutes. I didn’t know where he was going. I only knew one thing: I need to go to understand "Who am I?" I sat on the bus and just looked out the window. Slides past the night city. Lights, windows, people. And I still think about Vicky. Now I know. And I can’t forget.
Section mind
Day 5, "a new day"
 "We can try to avoid the choice of doing nothing, but even that decision"
Harry Collins.
- Do you think something has changed?
- From what?
- New Day. New Dawn. Perhaps, a new life.
- To get something new, we must first renounce something old.
- In what sense?
- When you start a new day, the former becomes yesterday; the sun rises at dawn, just after sunset in the fall; so, it is with life: to start the new, the old must go.
- But I can’t just erase the memory of what happened.
- You can stop strive to return what was.
- It is also not easy.
- Much easier than it seems. Just you don’t want to let go of the past.
- But I want to start a new and better life.
- No. You want to return to the old, seemed like a good life.
- And how does it change?
- And in any way. Time changes everything, instead of you. You just have to put up with it. It's human nature.
- You said that it is necessary to make crazy things.
- So what do you want? The good life or the real life?
- Didn’t live this life and at the same time, that it was good?
- No. Your "good" life, will always depend on other people. But real life depends on you.
- And what would be the best choice?
- I don’t know. Each has his own. You've got one, and I have - the other.
- What to do?
- Decide for yourself.
- And if you don’t do anything?
- This is also a choice. Just you decide to let things take their course.
- I'm confused.
- And I don’t doubt it.
- How Come?
- Your mind is closed as part of the concept of "the good life". And you don’t even know what a "good life."
- And what is that?
- I don’t know. But this is our difference: you don’t know what it is, but to strive for this, but I don’t know, and not in a hurry to find out.
- Don’t you wonder?
- Interesting. But no more than that.
- You're a little strange...
- You bet. I'm at all fictional.
- Do you think this is an excuse?
- Why not...
- And if it ceases to be an excuse?
- I'll find a new one.
- Can you stop being weird?
- No. Definitely not.
- But why?
- If I stop to be strange, then I stop to see life in colors. I'll be the usual. Then I stop be myself and I will be a someone else...

Day 6 "old story"
I give you a piece of advice: if you hear that the past begins to speak to you, you feel it pulling you back, stroking his fingers on the back, the best thing you can do - run.
Lauren Oliver
- You know, I probably would never fall in love.
- You’ll do.
- Why did you get?
- People are naive. You want to believe in something. Even in love.
- Don’t you believe?
- In love? No.
- What if you fall in love?
- So, you've loved, and now say that there is no love?
- Everyone does. If you don’t believe in love, then what you felt wasn’t love. This means that it will pass. Sooner or later.
- When I first saw her, she seemed to me as beautiful and unique as the sunset.
- You didn’t think that every person, as if the sun?
- In what sense?
- Well ... everyone seems unique, individual, «The one». And what is the result?
- What?
- Everyone is the same as any other. Just the sun sets, like yesterday, like tomorrow. Simply eventually goes out of your field of vision.
- But it will appear again in the morning.
- What if not?
- In what sense?
- Have you ever thought that every sunset that you see may be the last?
- What are some negative thoughts...
- It's real thoughts. But what if you don’t wake up tomorrow? Every day you change every morning and "you" is another. So, every morning you wake up is not quite the "you", and means that every sunset - the last one.
- But, every morning, I remain an, albeit slightly altered.
- That's your problem: you don’t want to notice changes in yourself. How do you then notice a change in your life? Our whole life depends on the small things that you just don’t want to see.
- Are you saying that we should pay more attention to detail?
- No. You just have to notice the little things. Feel the difference?
- Not really.
- How do you pay more attention to something, the less notice; The closer looking, the less you will find. You know where to hide something?
- Where?
- In the most prominent place. There's just no one would look for.
- What do you mean?
- You're looking for. You ever look at all the angles and open all safes. And the best part is under your nose, but you can’t see it, because the passionate search.
- And what do you do?
- Stop look and live. Stop, look around ... and just live. Then you’ll be happy.
- I thought you didn’t believe in happiness...
- Everyone needs to believe in something. This rule is no exception.

Day 7 "Destroyed trio"
Who lived and felt, can not
In heart not despise people.
A.S. Pushkin
- You know, you were right.
- What is it?
- Love - it's not necessary to believe in anything.
- Love - this is not a feeling. Just an excuse to cheat each other. You didn’t think that it is a disease?
- In what sense?
- Love - disease. Is the same as alcoholism, drug addiction, and at the final stage, the common cold. First you well. The whole world is beautiful. Sometimes you feel that you can do more. But now, time passes. It takes a sense of euphoria. You stop getting pleasure from a loved one. Love is just a habit. And when you try it, "tie", begins the "breaking". It's really a disease.
- And what do you mean?
- Only that love is not something worth believing in anything.
- And what is worth believing?
- What you want, as long as it doesn’t depend on other people.
- How Come?
- The human factor: people are too unstable to trust them your faith.
- You know, but my heart still hurts.
- That's because you still believe in love.
- But I don’t want that.
- One can’t exist without faith. Otherwise he’ll die. Otherwise he isn’t a man.
- And how to stop believing in love?
- What makes you think that you can?
- And why not?
- Even a complete cynic hope that love is.
- But I hope it doesn’t.
- You believe that. And faith and hope - the same thing.
- And, in my opinion, these are two different concepts.
- Why?
- I don’t know. Just faith - a faith; and hope - a hope.
- You have no idea how wrong.
- How Come?
- Want an example?
- Yes I Am.
- Do you believe the person, then you hope that he’ll not deceive you. It turns out that it is one and the same.
- Then why call differently?
- It's just an excuse. Some of the plurality.
- Excuses what?
- Human naivety. As long as you haven’t deceived you believe, and when deceived - you hope that will not be deceived ... Again.
- It turns out that all the troubles due to naivety?
- For Sure. Man doesn’t want to give the desired, even if it is unreal. Therefore, he believes and hopes.
- It turns out that the whole of human weakness in faith and hope?
- Exactly. Well, you knew it. The main thing is that you don’t forget that you yourself - people.

Day 8 "Moments of Solitude"
Loneliness - the eternal refrain of life.
It is no worse and no better than many others.
 About him only too much talk.
Man alone is always and never.
Erich Maria Remarque
- Have you ever thought that it becomes like a lonely?
- What's wrong with that?
- Well, I don’t know. Just this alone. And that's not good.
- We have always been two. Hence, it is not alone.
- But you is me and I am you, no matter what you say.
- But you always have someone to talk to.
- With myself?
- No. With me. You didn’t notice that we are totally different?
- Noticed. But sometimes you want to talk with someone who doesn’t know you as much detail as you know me.
- You silly. Carpe Diem.
- What?
- The moment of solitude.
- What is it good? Alone.
- At such moments, you just forget about everything. Forget that there are people around you. Forget that, perhaps, someone is waiting for you. Forget that someone needs you. At such moments, you're dead ... as if you don’t. As if not.
- And what good is that you don’t?
- You have time to be alone. Just look out the window, enjoy the music, enjoy the solitude. You’re alone. And you had enough of this company.
- And why do you love it so much?
- Just our world has become so feigned that is no longer possible to explain anything. Everyone plays a role in this global play. Some actors go, some come. Someone stays longer on the scene. Someone, on the contrary, goes too fast. But, after all, everybody plays. And that makes me sick.
- You didn’t answer.
- Why I love the moments of solitude? At such moments, you can relax, think ... because people go crazy because of the absence of these moments.
From a series of unbanal meetings
"Why not forget the question?"
Bus to the terminal station. Evening was approaching. I didn’t know where I am. I wasn’t interested.
I got off the bus and sat down on a bench at the bus station. Thoughts about Vicky didn’t allow me to concentrate. Is it possible that one person fills both? Completely. I have no answer to this question, so I tried by all means to drive away thoughts of Vicky. To me I sat a man of about thirty, who had just emerged from another bus.
- Hi. How are you? - He asked.
- Hi. I'm not sure if I have the answer to this question.
- How can you be unsure of such things? The answer is either there or it is not.
- So, I have no answer.
- It is sad.
With that he pulled from his pocket flask, opened it and took a sip.
- You drink? - He asked, handing me a jar.
- What is it?
- Swill. Just swipes.
I took the flask and took a sip. Bitter taste, with a nasty odor, but it leaves some illusory warmth inside.
- Look, near here there is a good bar. Let's go have a drink.
- Why did you not go home?
- That will tell.
- Why me?
- Well, I need someone to drink. So why not you?
And now we are sitting in a seedy bar. Once here, it seemed like you get in the past. In one corner stood an old jukebox that didn’t work, but someone are always near or that "drunken body", which tried to coin sometimes, and sometimes turn his fist. My newfound friend went to the bar and took two bottles of beer. We sat at a table.
- So, - he said, opening his bottle. - Tell me.
- What's to tell?
- Who are you? What brought you to this, godforsaken town.
- I don’t remember who I am. I have amnesia.
- On the head given?
- Not sure. I just woke up in the hospital.
- Sometimes I do that.
- Amnesia?
- She doesn’t. According to the head he received. I was a boxer, and a good one.
- And why was that?
- You know, there are lives that are crumbling. This is necessary to maintain equilibrium. Utopia - is a myth.
- What happened to yours?
- I was just knocked out of the rut. Deprived of his hobbies.
- But who?
- Someone who ... Life. You didn’t see that one, she smiles, and the other shows the ass? In such cases, they say something like "You have to fuck fate if she turned backwards." But it will not.
- Why?
- In this case, you just kiss her ass and then go wander around his world, whose name - the bottom.
- Not so bad.
- Not all? Man, look! Welcome to the bottom!
- Well, you explain why you drink?
- I just forgot to take a sober look at the world ... and sleep sober.
By this time my companion already pretty drunk. He now and then looked around the bar, screaming at full throat, something like "Welcome to the bottom, shrimp!". He obviously wasn’t here for the first time, because no one responded to his words. His screams broke on thick wall of indifference.
- Well, - he turned back to me - I will go. In this miserable little town there are a couple of bars, where would you like to go today.
- Well, good luck. - I said, and shook his hand.
- Superb!
I don’t know where he went and why. Yes, I was not interested. Maybe he will fight with the same drunk, and then they continue to drink in the arms can still reach the next bar, and will preach "shrimp." I don’t know this. I don’t need to. I'm here to see you.
I freed the table, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"In the style of Clyde, without Boni"
I sat at the bar, drank beer and staring stupidly at the bartender, thinking at the same time on something else. I felt close to something happening. To my right was asleep drunk some, like the fact that I had been sitting at the table, and the left - the guy was trying to leave the girl.
- Understand baby - confident voice he said - I don’t want a serious relationship. I'm not ready for them.
- Sleeping at the first meeting you are ready, and to the relationship - not? - She cried hysterically.
The bartender must have been pretty experienced guy in such matters, therefore, only noticing the quarrel, he pushed all the dishes on the pair, and he walked away. Seeing this, I imagined what has already happened in this bar. What if someone broke a bottle on the head of his next lover, or the head of the bartender.
- We had a great evening and a terrific night, but no more than that - summed up the man talk.
I think those who saw the quarrel, were waiting for some action from the girl. A slap or a blow to the groin. The bartender waited exactly. He stood at the other edge of the rack and watched with interest the development of the plot. But even with such supervision, no one expected this beauty is well supplied right hook that sent the boy to the canvas. I was reminded of my recent drinking companion. I think he would have appreciated it.
The boy got up and sat next to me, which has just cursed with his "athlete".
- Suddenly. - Said he was somewhere in the air, probing, as if straightening, his jaw. - Bartender, whiskey!
The bartender set prepared in advance, a glass of whiskey on the bar.
- Looks like you isn’t the first time? - I said, slightly turning to neighbor at the bar.
- Such an attack - the first time. - He said, smiling brazenly - usually, I have time to dodge.
- Girl, like, not bad. Why are you doing with her?
- Remember, you don’t know a woman until you sleep with her.
- What do you want to say?
- What is this babe a little mad.
- You seem to say that every...
- Not for everyone, but for the majority. I'm not guilty, is that almost every hysterical.
- And how they have yet to respond?
- You know, women, too, receive pleasure from sex. Show me a person who doesn’t like sex, and I'll show you a man who needs to change the partner.
- Are you saying that there are no people who don’t like sex?
- Of course! Also in the box "Lego" no unnecessary parts. There are parts that are difficult to pick up a pair, but there are always appropriate.
- And what about love?
- You have to choose what you want more. Personally, I think ... To hell with love!
- Do not combine?
- Of course not. The heart is in the chest, but not between the toes. It would be at the bottom of the heart, we would have slept with those we love. But, fortunately, we can sleep with anyone.
- And you don’t want to stay?
- I tried.
- In what sense?
- They didn’t survive. I like fireworks: you come to the window and look at the fireworks. Yes, it's cool. It's beautiful. Bach-broads-bubuh ... - he paused for a moment.
- But?
- Now imagine that so every day. Explosions, because of which the windows were shaking and headache. As a result, you put double-glazed windows and hang the curtains so as not to hear explosions and see the fucking fireworks.
- Maybe you're right ...
- Maybe? I damn right. Listen, I need a "co-pilot".
- In what sense?
- Too many questions. Let's go. - He got up and headed for the exit.
I don’t know what it was, but this man was something. Something that is rarely seen in a man. It happens to the hypnotic advertisements. You just look at this "box" and you can’t take your eyes off the history of soda, or napkins.
I went out into the street. There I was waiting for "the first pilot" and smoking a cigarette.
- You're a long time. - He said.
- I went right behind you.
- You know, I never for anyone not pursued. Therefore, I never was "lagging behind."
- Why you do that?
- To anything. - He said, starting to walk. - Catch up. Then there are the club nearby. Please, grab the girls.
- And me, what is required?
- Home - assents. And relax, buddy. - He said, patting me on the shoulder.
Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting in the nightclub and drank whiskey. My new friend moved somewhere and I all sat and thought about the people who were here. Some danced, some drunk at the bar, and someone was sitting at the tables and tried to talk. I do not understand, why go to the club and sit at the table trying to dokrichatsya interlocutor. It is a place where there should be no thought. The music plays so loud that even with thoughts, you will not hear them. Returned "first pilot" with two girls. We did not even finish drinking your alcohol. He shouted something in my ear, and we left. About ten minutes after the club's bass still covered my ears. I felt like I was deaf. As if the plane rose sharply to the desired height, and you laid ears. Ten minutes was enough to us to get to the nasty motel and take two rooms.
And now, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. Near sleeping drunk girl, which I was not even interesting to talk, not to mention sex. And behind the wall, where there was another couple, were heard heart-rending cries of pleasure. I looked at the naked body of my present lover. Describe the woman's body is always difficult. It is not a perfect or ideal, good or bad. Just a woman's body, looking at who wants only one thing.
- And he was right ... - I don’t know why I said it out loud.
I got dressed and left the room. Then from the motel. I wanted something ... somewhere nearby, I saw shop. And I went through the deserted streets, which, breaking through the clouds, the moonlight flooded.

"Something just is not treated"
I just walked through the empty streets, sometimes meeting bystanders. I don’t blame "the first pilot." Those who condemn, just don’t know how it is great. Be sure to try one. Just don’t care about anything. The moral? To hell! Conscience? Why not send it? Just try to find something that makes a difference.
With this in mind, I came to the store. I went and bought another bottle of beer and thought: "Why not go back to the motel? Who wants to - make, otherwise, what's the point? ". I didn’t need an excuse to go back, but the front of the store, on the sidewalk, I came across a peasant sitting.
- All right? - I asked. - Need any help?
- I even myself can’t help. - He said. - What to say about someone else...
- So what happened?
- What do you care, man? Go your own way!
- Well, if you speak, it will be easier. At least, so they say.
- You know, if you drink - it will be easier if you don’t do anything stupid - it will be easier if the die - it will be easier, and if you speak out, then another person learns how you're a loser.
- Well, I have today is the day listening to ... - I said, and sat down beside him on the curb.
- You want to hear? My wife left me, I was fired from job ... and I didn’t have the courage to shoot myself in the head.
- Death - is not an option.
- I'm talking to you as a physician, is a great solution. Once and no problems. All that you have to worry in this situation, it will be like your funeral. But this is no longer your concern.
I had nothing to say. I don’t know how a person feels in such a situation. Maybe he knew but had forgotten.
- Silent? People often say that the other person knows how to listen, not even thinking that perhaps he simply has nothing to say.
- But what if people just willing to listen?
- Nonsense! We're all freaking selfish. Everyone wants to talk only about himself! You, for example. Who are you?
- Well...
- Don’t even start. - He interrupted me. - I don’t care.
- Well, then I'm willing to listen to your story.
- And there is no history. My wife cheated on me with my same boss. All present - is banal.
- Divorced, find yourself a new one. And wife and work.
- I love my wife.
- But she doesn’t love you.
- You know, the love that has passed, it is not a memory. It is an emotion. But the love that you forget - this memory. Such is the paradox.
- And what did you say?
- Just wanted to say something clever. We're always doing something to make an impression. Good or bad. But the goal is always the same.
- Don’t you think you can find love again?
- How long does it take to find love?
- A moment...
- Nonsense! It took me a lot more to my wife fell in love with me.
- Maybe she didn’t like?
- Maybe. You know, women are perfectly mimic two things: love and orgasm.
- And the one excludes the other.
- Exactly. You know, before my family was "home, which is always turned toward the sun."
- In what sense?
- It doesn’t matter what happens. The main thing is to close was someone who will tell you that not everything is shit.
- So find such a man. You are not so old to surrender.
- No, thank you. I don’t want to stumble on this stone, called "love."
- Why?
- Love - it is like chickenpox. The younger you will fell ill, the easier it is transferred.
- In what sense?
- For children, it is very easy disease. But if the sick adult - it can be fatal.
- But chickenpox occurs only once in a lifetime.
- Not always. Chance to get sick again very small, but it is.
With the last remark he made a few sips from the bottle, which is all the talk in his hands, he stood up and somewhere to go.
- Where are you going? - I shouted at him go.
- I don’t know. - He said, not even turning around. - But I don’t need company.
I decided a little sit on the curb and think. What to think? I don’t know. About anything. Just think. "About anything" and "everything".
At first, I sat and thought, and then I went and thought. I didn’t even notice that came to the bus station. Strange town. Although probably every city so if you are passing through. I went to the cashier to buy a ticket for the next bus, "Somewhere", but they were closed. On the window hung a sign saying "break." I went out again into the street.
- Hey! - There was a cry, not far from me. - Do I know you.
At first I thought that I met some of my old life. A person who knows me. But looking back, I saw a bartender who is so prudently pushes the dishes from "womanizer" and his girlfriend.
- Where's your friend? - Has taken an interest he.
- I don’t know. Perhaps the hotel.
- A ticket for the bus you will not buy. Can you draw? I'm in the car.
- It would be great.
- Where do you go?
- Somewhere. It would be great to come to town, which is not like this.
- Well, I'm just going to such. Get in the car.
We got into the car and drove off. During the night I was so tired that hung almost immediately.
...
- Wake up. We arrived. - The bartender said, pushing me out of sleep.
We got out of the car. Outdoor full blazed a new day.
- Thanks for the ride. - I said.
- Not at all.
We shook hands and left the bartender. I'm having a strange feeling that I was here. Strange. Even going into my old apartment, I did not feel that feeling right now.
I crossed the road and buried in the large windows of a cafe. I ran past the people who, perhaps, somewhere had to run away, and I stood and looked at the cafe. There are also people. People look in from the street cafes, and people stare at the cafe run past. This place feels like in an aquarium. And nobody knows which of you - the fish and who the audience ...
And then I remembered ...
A fine line
Day 9 "The enemy of change"
"Smoking - is a special kind of pleasure. Lightweight, but leaves a light flair of dissatisfaction "
Oscar Wilde "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
- You've already lit a third row.
- So what?
- Not a lot of it?
- I don’t smoke because of habit. Only because of the fun.
- It brings your death.
- Almost everything that gives pleasure, brings death.
- Don’t expensive price for pleasure?
- Life is worth living. Or would you prefer to live long, but boring. And don’t have fun?
- You know, I want to change.
- And what's stopping you?
- I don’t know. I'm just unsure of what they need.
- Changes are always needed.
- Do you think?
- I know. And on you they depend.
- What about time?
- People lie. Time doesn’t change anything. This is only an illusion of change.
- That is, the time doesn’t mean anything at all?
- Why? Time means everything.
- You've said it yourself...
- I just said that time - this is an illusion of change. In our world, too many illusions.
- In what sense?
- While one person laughs, another cries; while some live, others - die. This is our reality, we shouldn’t forget about it.
- This is a simple life.
- That's it. It's a simple life. And people have forgotten how to distinguish between life and illusion.

Day 10: "The Return"
"Two puzzles in the world is: how was born - I don’t remember, how to die - I don’t know."
Alexander Solzhenitsyn
- You long time not been...
- I had to think about.
- About what?
- About anything. Just think about it. Is it necessary to think about "something"?
- If you are thinking, it means that there is a reason.
- Not necessarily. Have you ever thought for no reason?
- No.
- You lost a lot. In general, when you do something for no reason, just like that, for fun, then enjoy. All the rest, only the pursuit of the cause.
- I don’t understand.
- What exactly?
- I don’t understand you.
- Don’t try.
- How Come?
- I don’t always understand myself.
- It doesn’t happen.
- Why?
- You don’t want to understand yourself. But you are.
- Just because I don’t want to understand, I have every right not to understand.
- It is not logical.
- To hell with logic! Because of things like logic and morality people have ceased to live and enjoy.
- In what sense?
- Terminally ill man who wants to live, will be fighting for his life and survives, but in the end the doctor will say that it is not logical and the patient had to die. A healthy person succumbing to the laws of logic, live your life as if never lived.
- What to do?
- To hell with logic! Spit on the rules! Learn to live as if you will die tomorrow. Otherwise, you will die, and not having time to live.

Day 11 "last stop"
"If only the expression in arts unsatisfied passions, if religion, self-deception, why do we live?"
Ray Bradbury's "The Martian Chronicles".
- Do you have a goal in life?
- Of Course.
- And what?
- To achieve success and enjoy life.
- Stupid...
- How Come?
- Well, think about it. Our life – is a journey. We are born, grow up, grow old and die. And so with each person.
- But everyone lives in their own way.
- Just think. Life – is a journey. We are all going in the same train. And of course the station at all one - "casket".
- What do you do that?
- Only the fact that humanity is living as if hoping that the final will cancel, the ticket will be extended, and they will always ride on a train called "Life".
- But, you ought to for something to live.
- Live to live. The only way to truly live.
- And how to do it?
- I don’t know how you do it. Each has its own life and own choice.
- But you and I - one, and thus we have a choice.
- No.
- How Come?
- Do you remember when I came?
- No...
- I came, when you make a choice that contradicted my choice.
- In what sense?
- I came, when you lose the one I loved.
- I thought you weren’t able to love.
- Now - no. Because, I’m still in love.
- I don’t understand.
- You just don’t see the difference between love and infatuation.
- And what is it?
- Infatuation – is a temporary sensitivity, and love - eternal sense.

Day 12: "The last day for two"
Unreal - stronger reality. Because in the real world, there is no perfect. Quite simply that we invent for themselves.
Chuck Palahniuk, "Choke"
- I'm tired.
- On what?
- I don’t know. Just tired.
- One can’t "just tired."
- How Come?
- You always do something, and then you will always find a reason to be tired for a reason.
- And if you do nothing?
- It doesn’t happen.
- How Come? Sometimes, you're just lying on the couch or sitting in a chair and doing absolutely nothing.
- You think. You feel. In the end, you live. Constantly.
- So, I'm tired to think, feel and live...
- You are stupid...
- How Come?
- You don’t know how to enjoy life.
- And who knows?
- Not many. There is a very fine line between pleasure and fast life.
- And how not to cross that line?
- No. This is the meaning of pleasure - to be on the verge. Understand that at any moment your world could collapse. All what you believed, may disappear. And you can die.
- What if you die?
- So you've stepped over the brink.
- And all?
- And what else? You died. That's all. The rest is for you don’t matter.
- And what about those who love you?
- On them you reflect, just as long as you live.
- So maybe this is the meaning of life?
- Nobody knows. For the majority of the meaning of life lies in the fact that the search for the meaning of life. And before he died, they say: "How stupid I was. People live! For you too much time to kill Search "
- And?
- Which?
- What's next?
- It's nothing. Last breath. And there is no man. And around saying, "That was a wise man. He understood the meaning of life. But he decided not to report it to us so that we ourselves have reached this truth "
- You said that the main thing in life - it is life. So, they are right?
- No.
- But why?
- People are continuing to search for meaning. And with each passing day more and more they complicate the understanding of this very "meaning of life". And the meaning is simple.
- And what is it?
- Think. After all, you live. And what is the final phase in the life of each?
- What?
- Death. In every life comes death. And therefore, people live to die.
- It's too complicated...
- Maybe for you, but not for me.
- Of course. Circle your existence is limited to these walls. You don’t touch the world around us.
- What do you mean?
- Only that in life you would hardly be distinguished from the others.
- You want to test it?
- How?
- You are my prison. You hold me here. We can be swapped and then see how I can cope with this world.
- What do you suggest?
- Let me go free. Let me dive into the world while you're here, "rest."
- Well ... agreed...

Guide 2: Unlocked doors
I stood there, staring out the window, realizing my helplessness. By me, now and then ran, somewhere hurrying people. Some of something said, others were silent. I remembered everything. It was the same caf; where I met Vika. It was the city in which I rescued Vicky, even before I was deprived of memory. I am guide. I judge people from this world to another. I have no right to interfere in people's lives. It's the law. The law, which I broke when saved Vicky. For this, I was punished by imprisonment in the four walls. But as I get out? Why I lost my memory? And more importantly, why it returned to me?
Someone came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked around. Nearby stood a young guy with white hair. It was not gray or dyed hair. It seemed that the hair reflects his wisdom and youthful at the same time. Blue eyes, as if ready at any moment to cry.
- Come with me. - He said, and started to cross the road.
- I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on! - I shouted in his trail. - Why do I have returned memory?
But he didn’t react. Just walking, not even looking back. He reached the door and opened it. The bright light blinded me for a moment. Even the sunlight wasn’t as bright as the light that radiates what was behind the door. But no one has seen. Nobody except me. People just passed by. They always do. But simply believe and then you can see a lot more. I crossed the road and went to the door.
- What is there? - I asked.
- Come and find out.
I got in. Behind me I came in and this guy. Because of the light it seemed that there was nothing around. Just empty space. The door closed and the light began to fade slowly. I looked around. Behind me was the door. As if from nowhere, the walls began to appear. They seemed to just appear.
In the middle of the room stood empty desk. I was alone in the room. One door behind me, and the other - on the opposite side of the room.
The door opened and two men entered the room. One of them took me here. But I didn’t know which of them. Two absolutely identical people. Or not quite human. It seems to me that even the twins would be more differences. One like the other repetitive movements. The impression that the second - a shadow of the first. One of them sat at the table.
- Hello, guide. - Said the one who was sitting at the table.
- Who are you? - I asked.
- It doesn’t matter. The main thing - who you are.
- In what sense?
- You're one of the few who have experience with the world.
- What?
- Few guides socialized with people as much as you talked.
- So what?
- You've got to do something.
- I think I was deprived of "privilege" to be a guide.
- The current situation requires intervention. - Suddenly said the second man.
- Are you ready to help? - asked first.
- And why should I help you?
- If you can do it, you will be able to return.
- Where to?
- You will have a choice. Either you live, forgetting everything or will accompany the soul through the doors.
- What if I fail?
- It is impossible. You have to deal with.
- And what do you want from me?
- Follow me.
The guy stood up and walked to the door. The second stood silently and stared at me, as if trying to grab at me. We walked in the door and bright light blinded me again. When my eyes adjusted, I could see a small room, something resembling a temple. From every corner of the room, as if from a spring, running water, which is collected in a small pond in the middle of the room. And no doors, only the bare walls. I looked around. The door through which we came here, too, was gone.
- This is "Pond of souls." - Spoken guy. - If something is out of control, we learn about it through the pond.
- Out of control? In what sense?
- When you save the girl, her fate is out of control, and the pond is shown. But now it's not important. Go with me.
He touched the wall and there was a door. Behind this door there was no such light as before. Immediately I could see a long corridor. Both sides of the door. Dozens of open doors. And for each pond was the same as for the one from which we came. Each pond was watching "his guy." I walked over to one of the doors, when it shut. I looked around. All the doors were closed. We were approached by a girl in a white dress to the floor. "Too corny for a place" - flashed through my head.
- Hello, Samael. - The girl spoke up, as if noticing me.
- Hello, Mortem. - Answer guy.
For a while they stood and looked at each other. They seemed to speak, but no sound, they are not published.
- Meet - Samael spoke again, pointing at me - a guide.
- Mortem. - Submit to the girl.
- She will help you in the search - Samael said, turning to me.
- Searching for what?
- Follow Mortem. She'll explain everything.
Samael walked slowly to one side, and went Mortem from whence we came. I followed her. She opened the door to the "Pond of souls" and stopped letting me in. I walked in and was back in this strange "church."
- And so? - I asked, turning to Mortem.
- You, probably, a lot of questions. - She said with a smile.
Her smile was something frightening and at the same time familiar.
- What is this place?
- We call it Kaelum.
- It’s don’t say anything to me.
- You can call it the celestial office. - With these words, she laughed lightly.
- Very funny. - I said, smiling a little, too. - Okay. What we need to find?
- Who ... we need to find the person.
- What person?
- In general, listen. Some of your world, learned to open the doors through which the lead wires of the soul.
- What does it mean to "learned"?
- We don’t know. But we know that in this world there were souls who shouldn’t be here.
- And what are you to interfere?
- They violate the balance. Every soul is on his way. By changing a single track, you can change everything. You and I need to find someone who opens the door.
- And how do we do that?
- "Pond" prompt. It will know when someone opens the door, which wasn’t supposed to open.
About an hour we waited for anything to happen. Waiting is not bugging me. Thoughts flocks rushing in my head. We most of all think of when we wait, but that's when we hardest to grasp any thought. I walked from corner to corner, and Mortem just stood there, staring into the pond. Sometimes, she said something like, "Calm down. Enough to run, "and when you realize that it's not her kill my impatience, said:" You're too long been among the people. "
- There! - Suddenly exclaimed my "workmate".
- That there? - I asked and immediately began to look into the pond.
But I saw nothing there. Just water.
- Follow me.
Mortem ran out the door and I went after her. We were on the street. The usual street teeming people. After a bright light in the Kaelume the world seemed bleak. I looked at Mortem. She was no longer the "banal-temple" clothing. Now she looked like a normal person. "But I don’t know anything about she. Who is she? "- Flashed through my head. I looked around. We are looking for someone. But I didn’t know who.
- Who are we looking for? - I asked.
- Look. - She pointed to the door, which was across the street.
The door opened and a bright light fell onto the street. The same as the light from behind the door, which was opened by Samael. Here are just out of this door came a guy in a suit. Black suit, tie and black gloves. He was like a hired killer of the militants. People around, still, didn’t pay any attention to light, nor on this guy. He, too, didn’t pay attention to them. He took a step, another step, and the door closed. It immediately struck, somewhere hurrying the boy, as if not seen him. The guy stood bewildered, as if surprised.
- Behind me. - Commanded Mortem.
We crossed the road, Mortem took this guy's arm and dragged him along. I tried to keep up, but still kept a step behind to see what would happen. We went into the next lane, and Mortem Man hugged the wall.
- How did you get here? - She asked, looking at the guy right in the eye.
Face "fugitive" instantly paled. He seemed to know Mortem. He knows and fears. Hence, not only because it affects me.
- I repeat, how did you get here? - More angry voice she said.
- Doors. I just opened the door and found some room.
- Then?
- Then I opened another door and found myself here.
- You know who I am?
- Yes ...
- Excellent.
Mortem took his arm and dragged him along.
- Where are you going? - I asked.
- Wait here. - She said. - I'll be right back.
She opened the door, pushed to the guy and went after him. A few minutes passed and Mortem returned. But without the guy.
- And that's all? - I asked.
- No. I thought that someone showed them how to open the door ...
- And in real?
- In fact, this "someone" just leave them open.
- The hell didn’t understand.
- Remember when you opened the door, when he ran for the soul?
- I remember. It happened by itself.
- Because guides are empowered to open those doors. And now someone opens the door for a reason. Do you understand?
- Not really...
Mortem rolled her eyes and sighed, as if explaining banal truth. Although, maybe for her it was corny.
- In general, due to the fact that the doors are open, come into the world like that guy. And we need to stop it. That's all you need to know.
- So, what's wrong with what he gets here ... and where he is, anyway?
- He doesn’t belong here. And where he is from, you don’t need to know. Come on. We have a lot of cases.
We walked for about an hour on the heavily clogged streets. Not to be outdone by Mortem, I sometimes had to flee. It was too easy, if she knew every step of every person. Here we come to the intersection and stopped. She froze and stared at the old site of a cafe located across the street. Mortem silence went on a summer area, and sat down at the table, to some guy. I followed her.
- How's going, Mortem? - The boy asked, without even looking at her.
It was similar to Samael crazy, but at the same time, confusing them would be impossible. Some, subtle but crucial distinction was in them.
- Remuel what are you doing here? - Not hiding malice, said Mortem.
- I never thought I'd say this, but I'm here to help you. - He said in a soft voice.
- Coping without you.
Remuel looked at Mortem.
- It's not just your problem. - He said a gruff voice.
- I already have one "assistant".
Remuel looked at me as if appreciating. He pointed me to a chair and I sat them at a table.
- They tell you why you were asked to help, guide? - He asked me, surprisingly gentle and kind voice.
- Because I have the experience of dealing with people?
- Not really. It is because of you it happened.
- In what sense?
- Enough! - Intervened Mortem. - We have no time for this.
- As you say, Mortem. - With a slight smile said Remuel. - This is your "assistant".
- Wait - I said. - What do you mean "because of me"?
- All in good time, my friend. - Said Remuel. - And now we have to go. Arcanum is already waiting for us.
- You're here and strapped? - With obvious distaste I asked Mortem.
- Benefit from it more than from you.
With these words, Remuel stood up and walked to the nearest door. At this time it was decided to move by means of doors. I loved it. Don’t rush through the city, bypassing the bystanders.
A few moments later we were in some office building. Remuel came first, followed by Mortem, and I trailed behind. We came to another door, and Remuel stopped.
- Why do you stop? - Asked Mort.
- You know the rules. Only Guide. - Remuel said, without even looking at Mortem, but looking straight into my eyes.
- Do not spit on the rules in such a situation?
- Never. - He said to Mortem and spoke to me. - Guide, listen carefully. Arcanum answer any question. But you have only one question. Don’t Spend it in vain. -saying this Remuel smiled and winked at me.
- Ask where to find someone who leaves open the door. - Mortem told me when I walked past her.
I walked into the office and closed the door. It was a fairly large room, with huge windows. One of the windows was a work desk. Behind him sat an elderly ... no. At the table sat an old man with a short, but a gray beard. Every wall standing bookcases scored various literature.
- Guide, you know the rules? - Asked Arcanum.
- Not sure. - I said, coming closer.
- One question - one answer. No more and no less. The honest answer to your every question.
- Any ques ... - almost broke my clarifying question. "I almost lost the chance to ask" - flashed through my head.
- The main thing - time to shut up. - The old man smiled. - And so? Your question is…
- Why because of me, someone leaves the door unlocked.
- Interesting question. You let the soul, which has the keys to the door, stay on this side. Whether it is on the other side, the keys would not come, but she stayed on this.
- In what sense?
- This is the second question. One question - one answer. No more and no less. - With these words Arcanum turned away and stared out the window. - Farewell Guide.
The doors opened and I went out into the corridor. I let the soul to stay on this side? What does it mean? In the corridor, I have been waiting for. Mortem, if nervous, and Remuel was still smiling the same smile.
- Well? What did he say? - Asked Mortem, just seeing me.
I stood there and said nothing. "Let the soul to stay ..." - flashed through my head. I tried to understand what it means.
- He asked, but not what you wanted. - Said Remuel.
- What does not? - Mortem was clearly furious. - What?
- I'm sorry. - I said. - I asked, "Any questions?". And he answered, "Yes", and then refused to answer.
- I told you it's useless!
We left the building and returned to the cafe, which met Remuel. We sat down at a table. Remuel, to my surprise, the waiter and ordered tea.
- You ever will? - He asked, somehow looking condescendingly at me and Mortem.
- I have not given up on coffee. - I said, smiling slightly.
Mortem sat silently and watched, as if through me.
- I remind you - Remuel spoke again - you don’t want to go to the Arcanum anyway.
- Waste of time. - Said Mortem, glancing.
- How do I know, Mortem ... Who knows.
- I have to go.
With the last sentence Mortem got up and walked across the street and walked around the corner. Even without looking back.
- All right, conductor - began Remuel - I also have to go. And you rest, stroll through the streets. They say there are good people.
Remuel pulled tea, not even touching it, rose from the table and went into the cafe building. I sat for a bit, finished coffee and left, too. I had a whole bunch of questions, the answers to which I was not destined to get. It would have a better chance to ask a question Arcanum. The whole world, the whole life is built on the lack of chances.
I walked down the street. Just go. Sometimes, in order to concentrate, you simply need to go. Don’t look back and not looking forward. Just go to go. One street, then another, a third. One turn of the second. I don’t know where to go, but when I came to, I realized. I froze, staring blankly at the door. It seemed familiar. Like, some thread I linked to it. The door opened and out came Vicky. My Vicky! And then I realized. Here it is, the very soul, that I "allowed to stay with the keys." As I just don’t understand?
- Rather, come in. - Said Vicky.
It was her apartment. The one at the threshold of which we saw last time. I went in and Vicky threw herself on my neck and hugged me tightly. I did not know what to do. Whether rushing to Mortem, whether to stay with Vicky. I hugged her back.
- Vicky, what's happening? - I asked.
- I tell you everything, but later.
- I think I'm the only one who doesn’t understand anything.
- Trust me. Just trust.
And she kissed me. This kiss has decided everything. I already don’t care about the rules, don’t care about Mortem and Samael, spit on everything. If only it remained with me, in my arms, as long as possible.
- How long are you going. - Voice came out of the room.
I looked at the speaker. It was Remuel. He sat in a chair, his legs crossed and drank tea. He smiled as if he knew everything from the beginning.
- What are you doing here? - I asked.
- I am waiting for you. - Said Remuel. - We have to talk about.
- I thought you were with Mortem.
- Not really. I just had to hit you to Arcanum.
- Why?
- You had a question – he had an answer.
I didn’t notice how Vicky is gone, but now she's back, with tea in hand. She poured fresh tea to Remuel and me and sat on the arm of the chair on which I sat. I hugged her and she hugged me back.
- I found Vicky almost immediately - continued Remuel - not difficult to find someone who doesn’t hide.
- Why, then Mortem couldn’t find she?
- I hid she.
- I think that for you it is also a problem.
- For me personally - no.
- And for whom?
- I thought it was too corny to explain.
- Recently, even the most banal things are self-explanatory.
- There are two sides, - said softly Vicky - as always, light and dark.
- So, what Vicky uses the door - it is a problem on both sides? - I asked, looking at Remuel.
- The only problem is that Vicky can’t "lock" the door. Therefore, someone could get here.
- Someone?
- Someone from another world.
-From What?
- You will know everything. With time.
- But why did you decided to help?
- I found out that she was in love with guide. And that changes everything. It remained to determine whether the vehicle is in love with her. And we found out.
- What difference does it make?
- You'll be able to lock the door. So, from other worlds no one gets into this.
- But why did you not say it then, in the cafe?
- The fact that Vicky poses no threat to the balance, doesn’t mean that Mortem leave her alone.
- Why?
- Mortem has her own interests. Once she had lost Vicky. More precisely, you took her to Vicky when rescued.
- What do we do?
- Hide.
- From Mortem? But where?
- In another world. You need to break away from the local "Pond of souls."
- If I understand correctly, we need to Kaelum.
- Exactly.
- What about Samael?
- Samael and Mortem I'll take them.
- Good.
We got up. Remuel came to the door, opened it and stepped lightly, letting us forward. Vicky took my hand and we went in. Remuel came after us. We were again in the cafe, where we met for the first time with Remuel. He went to the window.
- Do you remember the door through which you came out with Mortem from Kaelum? - He asked.
- I remember.
- How to reach it you remember?
- Not sure. But we can handle.
- In the new world, you will need new names. Vicky - You'll be Varia. And you, Guide - Iter.
- Strange name ...
- I think you are fit. Good luck to you. I'll see you, Iter.
Having said this phrase Remuel went towards outdoor area. The last thing we heard was quite loudly said Remuel phrase "Samael, Mortem! Glad to see you! ".
We came out of the cafe on the other hand, that none of our "seekers" didn’t see us, and went to the side of the alley, where Mortem "interrogated" Man in a suit. About 15 minutes took us this way. We went into the alley and came to the door leading into the Kaelum.
- Are you sure you want to escape? - I asked, looking Vicky-Varias eyes.
I saw the fear in her eyes. As if she didn’t, but her soul, afraid of something.
- I'm with you anyway. - I said.
She kissed me.
- With you I'm not afraid, Iter. - She said, looking up from my lips.
- Guide! - There was someone shouting.
I looked around. The lane came Mortem. Behind she was Samael.
- Guide, you dare to take her again! - She continued to scream. - If you do this, I'll take you too!
I looked into Varias eyes and looked at the door. Mad fear, as if crushed my heart. We are always afraid of something. And this fear we simply absorb. This is the most disgusting feeling - fear. It eats you up inside. You become helpless. Instead of fighting, you give up. Rather than confront your fear, you give in to him. It absorbs you completely. And no more of you. There is only your fear. Varia felt it. She ran to the door and opened it. We ran inside, and bright light blinded me again.
Lonely photographer
My conversations escalated monologue
Now the world is more than the walls of the rooms.
From today, the sky is my ceiling ...
And the illusion - immensely huge.
Algernon Flowers

- Hi, neighbor! It seems we don’t know each other?
- Hi. No.
- Beer will be? Come on.
...
- So, what do you do?
- I am a writer.
- Interesting. And what you write?
- Little things. Nonsense about life.
- Well, somebody has to write it. And I'm a photographer.
- Cool. Do you live alone?
- Now yes. Previously, the girl lived.
- Why break up?
- I don’t know. Hard to explain. She is very special, and I seem not.
- What was she special?
- She was too natural, for this fake world. That she was fascinated.
- Too naturally?
- There was no deception. Actually, you know, it is hard to catch sincerity.
- It is so true.
- Not so simple.
- Why?
- You know, in the photograph, as in life. At one point you can see a lot of advantages and disadvantages. For example, when you are alone, this can be a masterpiece.
- And what's the drawback?
- It is obvious! You are alone...
- It is not always a disadvantage.
- In terms of?
- Prices loneliness. In a world where all depend on each other, solitude ceases to be flawed and becomes freedom.
- Well said. For this it is necessary to drink.
- And often you drink?
- You know, my habits I ever ruin. What I drink and smoke that's okay. But the habit of waking up at 6 am killing me.
- And a lot of you have these habits?
- Very. She, too, was my habit.
- You're always talking about it may be enough?
- She just looked at me so that I have something inside stopped beating for a moment. And then she stopped looking and so that sank just broke.
- You have to escape! You're the photographer! Tell best photographers.
- Photography - it's great. It's your world. Each picture - a separate fictional story. Just like the book. Only in the book you make up a picture to the words, and then vice versa.
- Interesting idea.
- Don’t tell anyone.
- Huh. Good.
- You know what my secret?
- In what?
- I always try to catch the real thing in humans.
- Real?
- Yes! I like the pictures of the elderly, children and lovers. Just old people have no reason to lie, children have not yet learned to lie...
- And love?
- A truly love simply not up to the hype.
- Hey, where you got a toilet?
- Get out that door.
- I am right back.
...
- So, where were we?
- ...
- Hey! Are you asleep, or what?
- I'm sorry. I not sleep all night.
- Why?
- The rain was falling ...
- Depression?
- No. Just recently, listening to rain nicer than some people.
- Understand.
- You sit down. In the legs there is no truth.
- Man, we live in a world where the truth is not in principle.
- And that is true.
- Cool picture. Who is it?
- My love.
- Beautiful.
- Most likely, all this love I invented myself.
- But no one dares to challenge the love that you came up with yourself.
- Interesting idea. I'll remember.
- You know, if someone wrote down everything I come up when I don’t have a pen and paper, I have long had written to the entire library.
- I feel the same way without the camera ...
- Okay, I'll go, I suppose.
- Well.
- See you around.
- Look, writer, and what happiness?
- Happiness? To see in the eyes of the person that you feel your heart.
I'm still young and blind!
I'm still young and stupid ...
And you have grown old ...
It is a pity that the past does not return.
Algernon Flowers
Guide 3 "Crossing worlds"
When my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw a white room. Such as hundreds of office buildings, in any of the cities where you've ever been before. It wasn’t Kaelum. I guess I was wrong door. But this is impossible. In one corner of the room there was a sofa in another - a desk, behind which sat a young man with a week-long bristles. In the middle of the cabinet was a pond. This is "Pond of destinies." But how?
- Where are we? - I asked, sitting at the table Man.
- Welcome to Kaelum, Iter and Varia. - Solemn voice the man said, and then laughed heartily and friendly. – I am Seterus. One of the keepers of the light Kaelum.
- How do you know our names?
- Remuel warned that you will come.
- But why do we got here, and not in the Kaelum where I was with Mortem?
- Mortem from the dark side, so she can only enter into a dark Kaelum. And you can get here, and there.
Seterus actively waving his arms at each phrase. Apparently, visitors to Kaelum were rare. He sat down, put his feet on the table, and continued:
- How do you have? - He asked, running his hand office.
- Nicer than the other Kaelum. - I replied. - So, here we can hide from Mortem and Samael?
- No. You have to hide in other worlds.
- Why?
- If you stay here, you upset the balance.
- And what do you do?
- Choose a new world. - Seterus grinned and pointed to the open door leading into the corridor.
We get out. In front of us was a long corridor. The size of it was the same as in the dark Kaelum, only this one was lighter and more comfortable. There were sofas along the walls and bookcases, clogged books. All the doors were open. Dozens of "white rooms". We went to a nearby office holding hands. At the table sat a guy, one to one similar to Seterus, with whom we have just spoken.
- Seterus? - Asked Varia.
- No. - Said the keeper. - I'm his brother. Striktus.
- What kind of world do you keep? - I asked.
- Don’t ask such questions.
- Why?
- Selection of the world - this feeling. Where you lead the destiny, and there you go. Most don’t even meet the keepers. Just make a choice. Otherwise, what's the point?
- Don’t we need to know where to go? - Said Varia.
- Or passes in the world, or in the corridor. Enough questions.
I looked at Varia and hugged her. She lifted her eyes and looked straight into my soul. I suddenly didn’t matter what kind of world is on the other side of the door. The main thing is that we are together.
- Come on. - Said Varia.
We came to the door, took a firmer hands, opened it and went out of Kaelum.
We are in an ordinary-looking town. Everywhere there were people in the strict, black, smooth ironed suits. And each could see a neat tie. We were like in a movie about the bankers and financiers. It seemed that all of these people - merchants money. Looking closely, I saw that they walked system. It seemed that everyone knows their way. No collision, no one interfered. No one spoke. Could be heard only the sound of heels on asphalt batters. Each went his own way, as if beaten for years.
- Something I don’t like it. - Said Varia.
- Right? - I asked.
- Perhaps, yes.
We turned around and took a few steps toward the door leading to the Kaelum. Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm. I looked around and saw a guy in the same suit as the hundreds of other people. I looked at Varia. Next to she stood a "financier."
- You're under arrest for violation of the law of rigor. - Said the man, who was holding my hand.
- Act? - Varia outraged. - But we have not done anything.
- You broke the strictness in clothes and verbally resist arrest.
They brought our hands behind  back and sat in a black car, like all the "rigor" was in color.
So that's why the keeper didn’t tell us. "Strict adherence to the rules." Seterus was a reflection of our world, and Striktus - this. The car was completely free. On the road, it was generally only one machine. But even despite this, none of the pedestrians wasn’t paying attention to it. That's it, the herd grown in strict compliance with the rules. People who are afraid. Or simply used to live like that. To each his own, as they say.
We drove to a local prison. We were dragged from the car and taken to the building. I always knew that the prison - not a very fun place, but even looking back at the city, I saw only black-and-white world. Like an old classic film. The prison was fairly small and empty. Several workers and a single offender. Although the arrest could for anything. We brought in, only for the whole prison cell and locked.
- And when can we expect the court? - Said Varia.
- The Court will not. - said "financier." - You'll stay here as long as there are not aware of the fault and will not be reformed.
- We have at least some rights there? - I asked.
- There Is. - Said the second "financier" and handed me a pamphlet with big letters "human rights in detention."
I began to read aloud:
1) The person arrested shall have the right to receive the necessary amount of food.
2) The arrested person has the right to sleep.
3) The arrested person has the right to write a petition, "the collection of commission for the evaluation and correction of awareness of guilt."
4) The person arrested shall have the right to walk once in month.
5) The person arrested shall have the right to personal needs, with no guarantee of performance. (At the discretion of the superintendent)
Note: All that is not allowed – is banned!
The chamber had three beds, a washbasin and a cabinet. Near the corner was a small window. Night was coming. Varia was lying on the bed and pretended to be trying to sleep.
- Iter, let's take a break, and in the morning think about how to get out. - Said Varia.
- Well. - I replied.
I approached her and kissed her. She lay down on the next bed.
- You then lay down? - Smiling, said Varia. - Let's move the bed.
- Sweetheart, "Everything that is not allowed - is banned ..."
- Firstly, I don’t care, and, secondly, that our "personal needs."
- Ahem, ahem. - There was someone coughing. – I should come later?
We looked around. On the other side of the bars stood Remuel. He strenuously pretended that averts his eyes, but it was clear that he sees everything. Varia buttoned blouse, I put on my shirt and we got up.
- I see you, and here is not bad. - Smiling good-naturedly said Remuel.
- You could have come a little later. - If offended, said Varia.
- There will be time for entertainment. - Remuel said. - And now it's time you pull.
Remuel waved and grille opened. We walked out of the chamber and followed him. We went to the next door.
- Remember, - he said. - Each world must prepare not to break out of "color." Otherwise, "Pond of destinies", which is attached to the world, will give you.
- But we don’t even know what kind of world. - I said.
- Now, you will know. And now, let's go. There is one place where you can spend the night.
He opened the door and we entered. Behind this door it turned out to be some kind of a bar. On the ground floor there is a bar and tables, and on the second, apparently, were the rooms. The walls had no windows. Only the doors. Everywhere doors. They then opened and closed, so that a bright light lit up the place periodically.
- Where are we, Remuel? - Said Varia.
- It Konfinium. - He said. - The boundary between light and dark side. And please, call me Rem.
- More like a diner, Rem. - Said Varia.
- As you say.
Remus went to the bar, the bartender called, took the key and returned to us.
- I registered under your new names, so you have the night. - He said, giving us the keys. - I'll be back in the morning. While find you a suitable world.
- Thank you, Remus. - I said, holding out his hand.
- That you, as a non-native. - He said with a smile and hugged us.
We went upstairs and found our room and entered. Looking for a room, you would have thought that this is not an eatery and "one night motel." Double bed in one corner and in another refrigerator. Against the wall stood alone wardrobe. We don’t even undressed, lay down on the bed and fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning. Varia wasn’t there. She stepped out of the shower in a second after I opened my eyes. She came up to me and kissed me. I took a shower and we went down to wait Remuel. Going down the stairs, I noticed that someone was talking to the bartender. It was Mortem. The bartender said something to her and pointed to the second floor. I don’t know what to do. The door, which by this point we were opened, and someone pulled us into the room. The room was a guy and a girl.
- Quiet ... - said the guy and took us away from the door. - Alia, look for Mortem. Let me know when she will leave.
The girl came to the door and began to listen.
- Who you are? - I whispered Varia.
- Later. All later. And now - quiet. - Just a whisper, said the stranger.
For a while we stood in silence, while Aliya hasn’t given a signal that Mortem left. She went into the hallway to check. I looked at the guy. His blue eyes are not suited to the jet-black hair.
- So, who are you? - I asked when Aliya came back and closed the door.
- I am Dorsum and this is my wife, Aliya. - Said our new friend. - We are travelers.
- Travelers? - I asked.
- Well yes. We jump on the worlds and Kaelums.
- Varia - Alia started to talk - go with me. You need to change. And that gives you even clothes.
The girls went into the other room, and I continued my questioning.
- Hey, how do you balance?
- Well, we have it doesn’t interfere.
- How do you know about us?
- Iter, everyone knows about you. The news that someone had Mortem, spread quite rapidly.
- Why you have decided to help us?
- Let's just say I dislike Mortem.
- Don’t tell me why?
- Next time. And now disguise. And that, really, catches the eye. Clothes on the bed.
On the bed lay a dark blue shirt and dark trousers. I changed clothes. In the back room Varia. She was wearing a gray dress. Here are just a "gray" it may seem. It seemed as if Varia gives new meaning to this color. Once cold and dull color, suddenly became bright and warm.
- Thank you for saving. - I said. - But we should go. Mortem can return.
- Are you sure that doesn’t need our help? - Alia said.
I looked at Varia. In her eyes there was some confusion. I like read her thoughts. "Remus came Mortem found us where not supposed to find, and we don’t know where to get, leaving the Konfinium."
- Not really. - I said, returning gaze to the couple.
- Well, fine. - Dorsum said smiling. - So, have breakfast and go.
We went downstairs to the bar, ordered a breakfast Dorsum. His prepared instantly. We sat down at a table and started for the modest meal.
- So, how did you meet? - asked Aliya finished with her breakfast.
- I thought you knew everything about us. - I said with a smile.
- Well, you know, various rumors go.
- Tell me. It is interesting nevertheless.
- Some say that you are from different sides, you're dark, and Varia - with light. Others, you just from different worlds. Still others say and do, that you were a guide who saved soul. In short, say anything. We want to know the truth.
- The third option.
- What's the third option?
- I was the guide. And Varia was my client. And I saved her.
I looked at Varia. She shone like even more. She leaned over and kissed me.
- So that's why Mortem after you ... - said Dorsum.
- Well yes. I have already twice took Varia from her.
We got up from the table and headed to one of the outputs. We didn’t know where any door leads. Fortunately, with us were these "travelers" Dorsum and Aliya. We came out of Konfinium and were on the street. Typical, busy street. Everywhere, people, cars. Someone is talking and who is coming, someone running. In all the different clothes. After the "Austerity" I began to get accustomed to people, but I still couldn’t figure out what is the feature of this world.
- What kind of world? - I asked Dorsum.
- It is called "Other". It is not like the others.
- Why?
- There is no certainty. Neither the severity of the global nor the truth nor an absolute lie. Total bit. This is a better world.
I began to consider the "other" world. Advertising, people, houses. And suddenly I understood.
- Wait, - I said, stopping the rest of the "expedition" - but it's our world. The world from which we fled.
- Exactly. - Aliya said.
- What are we doing here? - I asked.
- We need to Arcanum, that you may know how to get out of your situation. Arcanum - a ...
- I know who it is. - I interrupted Dorsum short. - I've been with him.
- This is bad. Varia, and have you been?
- No. - Said Varia.
She didn’t understand what we are talking about. We joined hands and headed for Dorsum. Aliya went to the cafe, saying that wait for us there. Dorsum wanted me to go with her, but I refused, saying I didn’t leave Varia.
- Here we go. - Dorsum said, after 15 minutes of our walk.
Before us was a huge office building. Yes, I was here, but I enjoyed the "doors" and don’t know how this place looks from the outside. We came, opened the door and immediately found ourselves on the floor of Arcanum.
- Easy to lift. - Joked Varia.
But even though her jokes, I saw a light fear in her eyes. Confusion. We came to the office and I stopped Arcanum. Dorsum turned and walked toward the door through which, not so long ago, I came here with Remuel and Mortem. By the door leading straight into the cafe.
- What are you doing? - Asked Varia.
- I can’t go with you. There is available the entrance only to those who have not been there before.
- I will not go alone.
- Honey, don’t be afraid. I'll wait for you here. - I said, and kissed Varia.
She stayed there for about 10 minutes. Coming out of the office, she looked confused. She didn’t understand what said Arcanum. I didn’t understand at first.
- What do you ask?
- How do we get rid of the harassment in order to live happily ever after ...
- And what did he say?
- He said, "Only the elders may approve or deny such an alliance. In order to get on board Arelims, you must work hard. "
- Loves he unintelligible words to say ... - I said, disappointed.
We have come to Dorsum, I told him that said Arcanum. In his view, I realized that he didn’t know what it all means. We opened the door and went to the cafe. Aliya has already taken us to a table and ordered two coffees and two teas.
We sat and discussed what happened. Each put forward his theory of a possible interpretation of the words of Arcanum, but each new theory has been less and less like the truth. We sat there for about an hour, occasionally ordering new drinks.
- Baby, I see you don’t manage without me? - I heard a voice behind me.
It was Remuel.
- Rem, how are you always on time. - I said, standing up and hugging, already an old friend.
- Dorsum, Aliya. My regards. - He said, referring to travelers. - Varia, looks fine.
- Glad to see you. - Varia replied.
- I'm sorry, that doesn’t appear in the morning to Konfinium. There have been some difficulties. So, what brings you to the Arcanum?
We told the whole story. From exploring the "travelers" to the theories on the expense of the words of Arcanum.
- Yeah. Brew you porridge. - Rem said, taking my coffee cup and took a sip. - Of course, I can muster "Arelims Council," but first we need to find someone with a dark side.
- What For?
- The Council shall meet only if the question is raised once the two sides. Therefore we need someone from the dark side, who support us in your question, so to speak, of the Union.
Remuel thought for a few minutes.
- I'll try to find someone. - He said, as if waking up. - You four hide until somewhere. I'll find you.
Remuel got up and headed for the exit. We sat a little more and also came out of the cafe.
Last one
You have no soul. You are the soul. You have a body.
Clive Staple Lewis

Ever since I escaped from the monologue the evening were irresistibly alone. Well, when there is someone to talk to. Even if it's someone - yourself.
I sat on the bed by the window and read Plevin. I don’t know why. Just read.
- Why are you reading this murk?
- More to do nothing.
- I thought you like to talk more.
- But you're gone. And the more I don’t trust anyone.
- Why?
- Don’t trust people.
- But why?
- People don’t have to strive for the better. Now they want the "best" going down to their level.
- But now I'm back. You remember? I always come back.
- This is your benefit and your disadvantage.
- I thought you'd be pleased.
- I am glad.
- Then why the lack?
- You go back, not only to our conversations, but also to your previous feelings. Who would you have not experienced them.
- Feeling better than being heartless.
- Don’t blame human callousness. Maybe it wasn’t his fault.
- In what sense?
- Someone just stole his heart, and now he has to fill that void with something else.
- It's just an excuse.
- You no longer trust me?
- No, but...
- Best not to believe me. Never.
- Why?
- Because when you start to believe me, I start to tell the truth.
- What's wrong with it?
- Only one: in fact, it doesn’t exist.
- Like this? Something always turns out to be true.
- Each decides what is true. So there is no truth.
- But people into something to believe. And they believe that this is true.
- People are stupid! They sincerely believe that I am a real, which I'd forgotten that fact, I only broken mirror.
- Try to open them. Show them your world!
- People are too small to accommodate them all in my world.
- You yourself wanted to be present. You yourself wanted to change places.
- I don’t take into account one important factor.
- What?
- In a world where people are guided by emotions, it is difficult to move with the help of reason.
- Since the heart works.
- I tried. I didn’t.
- In what sense?
- You know, worse than a love that has passed, it can only be the love that hasn’t begun. But this has its advantages.
- What Kind?
- No one would dare to challenge the love that you came up with yourself.
- I'm confused.
- As always. At the word "love" you switch off the brain, because you believe that the heart will solve this equation better.
- Why are you so afraid of love?
- I'm afraid? No. Now I am afraid of only one thing ... I'm afraid that I have someone came up and soon forget.
- But you said yourself, it's me you thought.
- You forgot everything again. Why do some people forget the most important thing, considering it is not essential.
- In what sense?
- No matter who gets invented. It is not necessary to delve into the past.
- But the past is important!
- Not always.
- I don’t agree with you!
- Why not?
- Without the past, we were not the ones who are now. No regrets of the past, of past joys...
- Never regret my actions. If this happens, then this was destined to happen.
- But this is all I.
- You're holding on to the past, not in order to be yourselves, but only to you there was hope. And you don’t need this "past"!
- You have me confused again.
- People are so arranged that the past is released only when it is returned.
- What are you so in others not to like?
- I don’t know. I'm just more inclined to trust the angels.
- Why?
- Well, my guardian angel has never let me down. In general, a good thing that my guardian angel more clever than I am. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.
- You're crazy. Madman.
- I am? Madman? Yes. And, unlike the others, I'm proud!
- I was afraid you'd say that.
- Look, people have forgotten how to think freely. They even can’t breathe!
- Why do you think so?
- They no longer dream. People have forgotten how to dream wide. Therefore, they were disappointed to 20 years.
- What should I do?
- Like what? Dreaming! Just be yourself and dream!
- Many have already forgotten who they really are...
- "Be yourself" - this is how to ride a bike. You never forget how, even if you have not skated.
- And if a man doesn’t know how?
- So, it needs a push.
- In what sense?
- He needs to find himself.
- And how?
- It's simple: mixed Mozart, «Johny Walker». And voila! Are you a "real" floats out.
- You are, as always, speak in riddles...
- I have this habit.
- Yeah.
- You know, I was thinking, what if it's just a dream?
- Whose?
- Never mind. Just a dream that will soon end.
- What do you mean?
- Nothing.
- Why do you say it in general?
- You know, I really like the thunder of the night. Hear the thunder, when the silence fills the world ... This is the same as dying to hear "Discharge" and dramatically open your eyes...
Guide 4: The Last Escape

We sat at the bar, where there was no door, suitable for "travel." I, Varia, Dorsum and Aliya. We needed somewhere to hide until Remuel looking for a solution to our problem.
- Do you think - I asked Varia – Rem will find someone from the dark side?
- He will find. - I replied. – I’m sure.
"But would agree that someone to help us?" - Flashed through my head. I suddenly felt scared. And I'm not afraid of meeting with Mortem or Samael. No. Most of all I was afraid, that I would lose Varia. What's not to see her. I couldn’t look in her beautiful eyes, I couldn’t tell how much I love her. I couldn’t kiss her.
- Quiet. - Almost in a whisper, Aliya said. - Hiding.
We stood up from the table and went into another room. No one even had time to understand what happened. Nobody but Aliya.
- What happened? - I asked.
- Mortem ... - Aliya said in a whisper, and pointed to the entrance to the bar.
I looked around the corner. Mortem stood in the middle of the bar and looked around.
- How did she find us? - Asked Varia. - There is not a suitable door.
The bar didn’t have a single door through which it was possible to "travel". It was a kind of "dead zone". As the camera in the store. There is always a place where the camera can’t see you. Also, "the fate of Pond" haven’t seen this one, forgot the world, bar.
We stood and watched quietly Mortem. She saw someone, came and sat at a table. She is not looking for us, and this guy. Man, in a long black cloak with a tired face and a shiny bald head. He is no different from other visitors of this bar. Another person who wants to escape from the world. But who is he, really? And why Mortem came here to find him?
They talked for about 15 minutes. After Mortem stood up and headed for the exit. She always looked confident, but now I could see in her eyes some confusion. Disappointment. Remember, however confident you may look, will give you always look. It seems that the decisive something important. Important for Mortem, but not for this guy. He sat as if nothing had happened. As if it's not he's talked to his death.
- Wait here. - I said to my companions.
- Where are you going? - Said Varia.
- Talk to him. Maybe I’ll find something.
I went up to the counter, took two bottles of beer and sat at a table.
- Beer - it's good. - He said, looking as if through me.
- Help yourself. - I said, handing him the bottle.
- And what do you want?
- And where did you get that I need something?
- First comes Mortem and asks for help to find the Guide, and then you come. Not hard to guess. - He took the bottle and opened it.
- I need answers.
- Ask questions. - Saying this, he drank a bottle of beer and continued, -  If I can - I will answer.
- Who are you?
- Seeker.
- Who?
- If somebody something lose, or someone looking for - he pointed at me - then turned to me for help.
- So, Mortem asked to find me?
- Exactly. - He opened the second bottle. - But I refused.
- Why?
- I see no reason to look for someone who is around the corner. It isn’t interesting.
- Why didn’t you say this Mortem?
- What For? If I said, you wouldn’t have bought me a drink. - He laughed. - By the way, binge was over. Take another.
- You have a bottle in your hand.
- It is now. - He drank a bottle and a second. - And now it is not. Magic ...
I went to the counter, picked up two bottles back.
- Listen, if you're the Seeker, so you can help me.
- What? - He said, opening the bottle.
- I need to find a dark, who agreed to convene a council of Arelims.
Finder drank another bottle and grabbed the next one.
- No.
- Why?
- I see no reason to look for someone who ... and so are not interested.
- And who is this?
- And you're not quick-witted ... I'm the dark side.
- And you help?
- Why not? Always ready to annoy Mortem.
- Great! - I exclaimed happily. - So, we must find Remuel go to the board.
I called the others and told them of our conversation. Aliya and Dorsum went in search of Remuel, and we headed to Konfinuum. Only now, with us it was dark. Arriving at the "rooming house on the edge," we sat at a table and have a drink.
- Tell me about the council of Arelims. - said Varia.
- What do you want to know? - asked the Seeker.
- Why all the issues decided by the Council?
- This council of elders of light and dark. If there is a dispute, they decide in whose favor it must emerge.
- And who is on the board? - I asked.
- I don’t remember everyone ...
- There are so many?
- Imagine the Roman Senate. That is, they are somewhat similar. Only Arelims quieter. They all turned to the times, I think.
- What time is it? - Asked again Varia.
- At the time of the Roman Empire.
- Why are they silent? - I went back to ask.
- They are silent. Always. Only some of them are talking. They even voted in silence.
- Voice?
- In your case, they will either approve the "union" and then Mortem will be powerless or not.
- And what would happen if they "don’t approve of?"
- The verdict...
- What?
- I have no idea. I am not on the board.
In Konfinuum entered Remuel, behind him were our friends, "travelers".
- And you don’t lose time in vain. - Remus said smiling.
- It happened by accident. - I replied.
- Never mind. Let's figure it out quickly.
- Wait. - Said Seeker when we already got up from the table. He took the bottle and gulped down again to the bottom. - Here. Now we can go.
We all went up to the second floor and entered the room.
- Do you remember what you need to do? - asked Remus to the Seeker.
- I remember. Let's just quickly, and then have a drink.
They stood in the middle of the room and began with one voice mutter something. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. In all the other parties, I realized that no one understands these words. Between Remuel and Seeker began to appear a bright ball of light. Out of nowhere. It appeared as if out of thin air, until it filled the room blinding everyone present.
The light began to fade. Eyes again "worked." We stood in the middle of the Coliseum. In the midst of the Roman Coliseum. Maybe it wasn’t the Roman Coliseum, but the resemblance exceeded any expectations. That meant that the Seeker when he spoke of "turn" the elders at times of the Roman Empire. Instead, viewers everywhere were people in black and white togas. At the site where the Roman sat Caesar, three settled, probably the main elders. Right - in a white toga, left - black. And between them, in the center, a sort of Caesar sat in a gray toga with a laurel wreath on his head. In the center of the Coliseum was the scene where we had to "report". "Caesar" stood up and with a loud voice, which is scattered around the Coliseum, said: "The purpose of the call of the Board?".
- Mikhail - said Remus, getting on stage - we want the approval of the Union Iter and Varia.
- The details!
- He is a Guide! - There was a shout from the other side of the Coliseum. - The Guide, who saved the soul, which was to leave! And it is - the same soul!
It was Mortem. She was confident of the Coliseum. Behind her was Samuel. Mortem climbed on stage and stood beside Remuel.
- I demand punishment! For both!
- What are the justification for violations of the law Guide? - Mikhail asked, turning to me.
- Love! - Rem said, without giving me to open my mouth.
- Love involves sacrifice! - Mikhail said sternly. - The Council decided!
- I told you that they are silent... - whispered Seeker.
All the "actors" were waiting for the decision. Remuel and Morten on the stage, and all the rest - in the midst of "the circus arena." It seems that now the elders will make us fight like gladiators. I began to absorb the fear. The fear of what may, I willn’t be able to look into the  Varias eyes, can’t hug her, I can’t kiss. I tried to drive away the fear, but I didn’t. This is the most disgusting feeling - fear. It eats you up inside. You become helpless. Instead of fighting, you give up. Rather than confront your fear, you give in to him. It absorbs you completely. And no more of you. There is only your fear.
I felt Varia took my hand and whispered, "I love you."
- The soul will be free on one condition ... - said Mikhail doing too theatrical pause.
- What condition? - I shouted.
But Mikhail didn’t notice. Or I pretended not to notice.
- The guide will be sentenced!
Judging by the parties of Rem and Mortem, I realized that this option doesn’t suit anyone. Mortem would like to receive the soul and Remus wanted to save us both.
- I agree! - Again I shouted, without waiting for the reaction. - What's the verdict?
"Caesar" looked. I looked around at all the "senate", and said:
- Eternal fall!
In front of me, as if by magic, there was a huge hole. Bottom, it wasn’t, apparently. I looked around. Aliya, Dorsumu buried in his shoulder and cried, Seeker, almost fell asleep standing, Remuel lowered his head and didn’t look up at me. Only Varia looked at me. In her eyes was read a dumb question, "What am I? And what about love? But what about the eternal happiness? ". But it isn’t. Nothing else. "I love you" - I said, not making a sound, but said that she understood the movement of my lips. I closed my eyes and took a step into the abyss...
When I opened my eyes, I had a room around. I couldn’t free my hands. The room was a solid bed. Imagine that the entire room - one large bed. Even the walls. Even the floor. All around - bed. And you're in the middle. ... All around the bed.