9.
“The only thing constant in life is change.”
—Fran;ois de La Rochefoucauld
In the morning the Emperor was horrified to discover that after a sleepless night filled with worry about his wife, he was impotent again, and so he ashamedly confessed the second “fall of the Empire” to his beloved. The poor devil was ill at ease—he had no control over the horrifying force that disarmed him and doomed him to this disgrace! This misfortune befell Antonio whenever he lost interest in a lady. He usually chucked all of his previous dolls straight into the trash bin after the third failed erection. He constantly needed new sensations. But Lara hasn’t lost it all. Antonio loves her—he is, in fact, mad about her! He just needs a new doll for sex.
“Damn, it’s the same thing all over again. I cannot escape nature’s incessant call, the irrepressible urge to conquer new horizons!” the Emperor thought, winding himself up into a frenzy. But if Lara finds out about his cheating, she will never forgive him.
Elizabeth was pregnant when the betrayal syndrome first reared its head during their life together. At first Antonio’s wife assumed that this was his reaction to her growing stomach and hoped that after the birth, she would regain her slender figure and bring back her husband’s favor. Antonio was tormented by memories of the breast-feeding Elizabeth finding evidence of his betrayal. Back then she still had no idea of just how many instances of treachery were happening behind her back. But even the first and, at the time, only discovery, had broken her heart.
She lost her milk and handed her son over to a wet nurse. The Emperor begged her for forgiveness and was even ready to fall to his wife’s feet.
“No! I don’t want to see the Emperor on his knees! Don’t degrade yourself. That would be as detestable as a woman raising her hand against a man. I forgive you…”
Antonio still remembered those words. If only his wife had known back then that impunity and all-permissiveness would beget a monster…Then she would surely have behaved differently.
“But what good are all these deliberations now?” Antonio consoled himself.
“Perhaps Eliz is partially to blame for our troubles. She should have been harsher with me.”
Begging Lara to forgive him for not living up to her expectations, the Emperor excused himself from breakfast, but his lover insisted,
“How can you just leave? The ‘conqueror’ needs to recharge and regain his strength!”
So Antonio took a few bites of the oatmeal pie with milk. The anxiety killed his appetite, and besides, there was no coffee here. And he could really use a cup of coffee now. The Emperor said farewell to his lover and rushed to the castle, where couriers with news about Elizabeth awaited him.
“What is going on with my Antonio?” wondered Lara as the coach drove off. He has probably lost appetite for me rather than the pie. I am not good enough for him anymore—that must be it…” she thought, shedding a tear. Then, wrapping herself up in a cape, she stepped into her carriage. Home, to my husband and children!
When a woman notices changes in her lover’s feelings, she immediately begins to doubt her merits, not to mention her flaws, which she usually tries to ignore, hiding such thoughts in the dark recesses of her soul. Lara has lost all feeling for her husband. The two have agreed to live together under one roof for the sake of their children, and Ju was not bothered by this co-existence—it was convenient to dwell in a common nest. Lara even thought of confessing how bad her relationship with her husband was to Antonio. The nest was close to collapsing because of the suspicions and nagging about her ongoing elopements from the home.
“No! No! I mustn’t scare Antonio. It suffices for me to simply keep him under my thumb. As soon as I give in, he will discard me to the same place where all of his used-up toys are thrown. As for my Jeffrey, I love him as a brother, but how long will his patience last? He is handsome and young. Sooner or later, my coldness will get the better of him and he will leave me for another woman! How ironic will it be then if I come to Antonio and agree to be with him forever after! Because for the time being, I am leading him to believe that this will never happen!”
Lara writhed in anguish just as Antonio did. Their interlocking vessels of love were overfilled by corrosive doubts. “God! Why did you bring us together? Was it only for us to part?”
Lara looked out of the carriage window.
“Garnet!” she yelled out to the coachman, “Take the forest route!” She wanted to soothe her soul with the singing of birds, the murmur of the stream, and the smell of pine trees. She listened to the crackle of fallen branches under the heavy wheels of the carriage.
They rode out of the forest into a meadow with a crystal-clear blue lake. Lara saw a hut about half a mile away from the water and instructed Garnet to stop. A forest warden came out of the hut and said that driving any further was prohibited.
“Why? I just want to take a closer look…”
She could make out something magnificent on the opposite shore, above the blue pine treetops.
“This is the Emperor’s new castle,” the forest warden explained, “No one is allowed there. Even the construction workers building the castle have to use another service road. And when the construction is finished, this place will be completely out of limits to any unauthorized person, you see.”
It dawned on Lara that this was the castle Antonio was building for her. Now she wouldn’t have the heart to turn down this gift. She has to tell the Emperor about it immediately! But she caught herself in time: Antonio might become suspicious of her intentions. He may reproach her for being cunning, or—even worse, for manipulating his feelings. All that was left for Lara was to wait.
She went home, which now seemed outdated and cramped, and her husband—perversely courteous and insipid. She could barely stand him now that she was just a few steps away from a heavenly dream.