Part 1
Introduction
My first visit to Alekseevskaya hospital began on the 1-st of December of 2013. It was real tragedy! In the morning of first of December I was sitting at my computer normally printing different interesting things. Nothing said about any threat. Than I don’t remember half of the day but in the evening my relatives found me in the kitchen without consciousness. I remember I was very disappointed that I couldn’t end my learning.
This condition lasted for two days. Nobody could make me speaking and when my mother called doctors they thought I had an epileptic syndrome, because I was trembling. But what it was really nobody would answer even now. Some people even thought I had taken a drug, my mother firstly thought that I had poisoned very hard. I only can say now that there was not any unconditional gladness.
So I was sent to the reanimation.
Chapter 1
There were some problems in the life of the reanimation. We had to lie without cloths. We could get up only for eating end washing. We have not normal toilet. They didn’t let our relatives to enter in the ward to see us.
But there were good feathers of the life too. We had not to work. We had good meal. Our health was under forced control, because it was reanimation. There were doctors almost every day and there were special procedures to examine our condition.
I will tell you about other pluses and minuses of life in the reanimation further.
Chapter 2
I recovered my consciousness only in the reanimation. Firstly I thought about music of composer Gluk «Orphan and Evredica» which I had listened in the last time before reanimation. Then I felt somebody was giving me a food. But I was sure I was in kitchen of my home. I thought that I was dreaming. I was so nervous that they had to give me a medicine.
Then I remember doctors coming to me. They gave me a question where I am. I couldn’t answer right. So I was not sent to other department for a time. But they told me about my place of being.
Chapter 3
You know there were not only bad things in the 1st department. And of course there were kind people there as in every place in our world.
I had friends. All of them were believers as I. We all understand that all events happened with as was not useless. We asked each other different questions, for example: how did you occurre in the hospital? When were you to leave this department? What would you do after hospital?
Such conversations and existence of kind people in the hospital made the life in the hospital not very boring.
Chapter 4
When I was in the 12-th department already I was very slight at first. So I was in the 5-th ward among very hard ill patients. In this ward we could lay as long as we wanted, going only for eating and meeting with our relative. But it was not the best place in fact. In that place nobody was allowed to read. Some people was very danger, one was a gangster, one was a thief with syndrome of Down. But very soon slight hope of best days appeared. I found friends. I will tell you about them further.
Chapter 5
First friend was Artur, his profession was jurist. He was older then I and with peace of the proudness. So we weren’t friends firstly. But my normal reaction for his words persuaded him I was clever and kind men and then we became friends. I was in the 5-th ward for ten days or so. All this time we speak about life, both about our past and use of the life. We speak about God and I understood he was a good believer. We played chess with him and I could say he was an interesting player.
When I told him about my learning he began to remember his own university. I don’t remember now very much about it but his words that he was very lucky in passing his exams (not at once!) gave me hope I will study well in the next year.
Chapter 6
While I was in hospital my mother was going to different places to salve problems with my institute. It was historic-archival institute in Moscow. She succeeded to take me an academic sick-leave for a year.
Many teachers and students asked about me and mother told me some things about when she met me first time after home. She was kind in that time thought she was not very kind at all. But this case couldn’t let her to be evil.
Chapter 7
Besides Artur, I hadn’t other friends in the ward #5. But not only relatives and friends could help to rehabilitate my soul. Good food, first conversation with my doctor and later her visits me and other patients, procedures, playing chess—all these things had influence on the process of curing.
In whole life here was better than in reanimation. But there were some bad specifics in the hospital’s reality. Formally forbidden smoking was very often in this hospital; as I said, not all people there would ever do you only good things and there were real dangerous people; in fact treatment of personal was not complete; plays sometimes demonstrates not normal sides of character of partner; TV could help but newsflashes and others negatives programs brought no less warring; sometimes it was very difficult to fell asleep because of stuffy and love some of patients to cheat; to the end, it was very difficult to take part in church service and everyone must has remained sitting in the closed condition for month at last.
Artur was not bad partner in the playing chess. I remember now only one but very funny set with him. We were fighting for long time and in the end I made his black queen to go ten times and he captured.
After two weeks we went to other word--#2 in close time. Soon Artur went out because of threat of hospital curing for his health. In this ward I found new friends and life continued.
Chapter 8
In this ward they let people to read in the determine time. On the one of meetings with my mother I asked her to bring me some books. Only later knew that number of books which everyone could hold in his night-table. I know say in whole that we don’t see some problems before it will became serious very often. But I salved these problems thought it was later.
When I was sitting at the table the most think I hated often was TV. It was not because I didn’t like TV at all. I really didn’t understand how they let to watch such programs in the psychiatric hospital. Nervous episodes of the films, exiting news, silly jokes of the humor concerts confirmed my words.
So firstly I was very glad when TV was switched off. It happened usually in the time of the dinner and before 4 o clock. And when I was in my ward #2 sounds of the TV was not so loud even if it would have being working.
Only later I noticed that good programs were watched too.
On the other hand, the most think I liked was reading. It was really minutes of relaxing. Really good conclusions of the texts were much wiser then conclusions of many TV programs.
Chapter 9
Not all people in our ward liked reading. In fact books didn’t unite me and my new friends. Even if they read they rarely was interested in the books that I read. But Maxim, one of my friends gave me an idea to write about the hospital in which I laid. And it was worth book!
His playing chess was phenomenal one. He could play a beginning of set in difficult system which you would discover only in special literature. Positions on the board were too exotic. But he was one of few players who played calm.
Because of it chess were less pleasant for me than reading.
But there were friends who neither read books no played chess but were very close to my soul. Such friends are Aleksey from the same ward and George from other. I will tell you about them feather.
Chapter 10
Aleksey was a men about 40 years old age with sight, seemed to be connected with dreaming. He was not interested of the grey reality around him. I became a friend of his by follow way: he coughed very much and in that moment I was laughing about other thing but he thought that it was about his coughing. When I explained him it was not such he became my friend.
Coughing was not connected with smoke but my new friend had slight health.
George was the same age as Aleksey was but his soul was other kind. He was cheerful and sincere men and we understood each other very soon. He smoke but he was not coughing….But he had already another difficulty—he was afraid of the death and lost his memory partly.
Our friendship was very big comfort in the hard hospital’s life.
Chapter 11
You may now say that there were not such friends of mine who had more than one common interest with me. But it was not so. Igor Korolev was a mathematician and chess—lover. I had the same interest. He liked watch my writings in the copy-books, played chess with me and constantly showed me the same scheme and thought I could understand nothing, only good curing helped him to recover. He gave me his telephone number. I asked him some questions about Mathematics and he answered. I shared ideas and we all were glad that we were friend.
And later, when I was in the Alecseevskaya hospital the second time I knew he died…
Chapter 12
My reader might have surprised I had not written in my novel any bad figure. But it is wrong stile of living. We are not only good or only bad. Alex, who had arrived in the hospital in the end of December, was an excellent example of this idea.
He was a fallow 19 years old. He had arrived from army. He was there only for several days, but danger of committing a suicide appeared already. He was very proudly and nervous. But he could support in difficult cases: to sit at the table with good company; to protect from dangerous conversation; to live more proper way. He advised me something and in fact he was good men. And all his bad feathers didn’t make him very evil at all. Offending and pushing were not killing.
Chapter 13
Evgeniy was really dangerous figure for me. It was he from whom Alex protected me. His long unstopped conversations on the most criminal topics were really as a threat for my soul. In the adding he constantly listened to the music I didn’t like. But he was kind in fact.
God helped me to survive in this hospital. Thief with a syndrome of down (Alex but not my friend) could stole important things such as books, close, food. Besides, he suffered from offends of patients and cried every day one hour in the whole. Nobody could respect him, people only could regret him.
Gangster, name of whom was Evgeniy (but another) was dangerous too. But he never involved such persons as I in his cases.
One epileptic, Nikita, however, deceived me by different ways. So I had to be as far from him as I could. But he was not a gangster.
You see nobody of them was absolutely evil.
Chapter 14
People occurred in our hospital, People lived us, some friends and enemies returned to their home and came into the hospital again, but I remained in the hospital—and only for the first time—from beginning of December to the middle of February. I washed ward every ten days, cleaned flow, moved chars. I visited doctors, went for the procedures, had lessons of art-therapy. And time was running further and further. I wanted to be at home but no one told when it would happen.
Many other patients had to overcome such condition. One part of them showed it and other part didn’t. Reasons of such attention was warring that happy patient would be very excited of this news and all efforts to cure him would be useless because of it.
All patients had similar sense when they were waiting for their relatives. I will tell you about these meetings further.
Chapter 15
When my mother came to me she was glad to see me that was not noticeably in home. I asked her about home, about her work, her health. I asked her to speak to the doctor in order he discharged (âûïèñàòü) me from hospital.
She offered me to ring my Grandmother and I tell her about my life, my creative works, which I had done in the hospital, asked my traditional question about health et cetera. She supported me.
We took food from our relatives, something was eaten, and other part of food was sent to the special storage.
Usually visiting was after dinner from 4-o clock to the 6-o clock of Monday and Thursday or from the 11-o clock of morning to the one hour after afternoon on Saturday.
In fact, creative side of life interests me more than food so now I am going to tell you about first. It seems to me I have said about Alex (more clever one) and George too few. I must correct it and immediately.
Chapter 16
As real friends, Alex and George liked my poems very much. I liked to read my best creations to them and other people. At whole I tried to recognize my rehabilitation will happen and I will survive. Sometimes I created problems or little pictures. And as I noticed all happening happens for the special goals. I told it Alex and George not only in poems. Hospital was my second university in fact.
Alex often called me to walk only a little. This showed his warring about my health. He remembered me about food and helped in other ways.
George was warring both about my and his health. He regretted that he smoked (Alex didn’t smoke). He asked me whether it was a sin. I answered: «yes, it was». He suffered from unstopped fear. And I knew that it would pass, that many people suffered as we did. It was in my poems too. Selected poems would be in the end of novel.
Chapter 17
Now I am going to tell you about other personage connected with other point of chapter 15. It was famous men Vladimir Harkov. As soon as I heard about him people told me he constantly wanted to eat. Others told he is a fanatic of orthodox believing but he was not real Christian. But I had said already that no one is absolutely bad.
It was a trurh. Vladimir Harkov was very sincere believer. He was very cheerful and kind men and his love for food was one of his few slight sides that I could name. He couldn’t understand why many people didn’t want to become a medical worker or a priest as he wanted. Often his jokes were not pleasant. But his advice on the questions he interested in was perfect. And he supported me thought we have not very many conversations with me during all period my being in the hospital.
Chapter 18
Vladimir influenced on my attention to the religion. I began to read sacramental books more. Not all of people liked it. Alex, with whom I played chess and Evgeniy, which spoke to me on bad topic were among them. But majority of hospital understood me. Even Evgeniy want very much small group of patients included Evgeniy, me and others went to church. But all our efforts were useless at first. Than Evgeniy managed to be on the church service and I didn’t.
When he returned he was very glad and didn’t discuss bad topics. It was so because he received the Eucharist. He even listened to the classic compositions of radio station «Orphan». I didn’t thought about reanimation that time. But it was interesting case.
Chapter 19
Now I want to tell you about the last important event of my first being in this hospital.
It was a concert in one of close building. The concert was established in honor of Japanizes New Year which was at 4-th of February. I was disappointed of it. Rude music spoiled rather interesting fibula of the performance. But when I return to the department, soon Alex from army—in the first time of our being in hospital—regretted me really. Doctor was sorry she made a mistake. Personal that was at the concert supported my views on it. So I very soon was normal again.
Conclusions
You may be very surprise I didn’t tell you about real, Russian New Year and how I spent time then. I passed not only this event. I just couldn’t manage to tell you about all in such way, in order everything was connected each with others. And I am Russian. But I hope in the second Part I will be more skillful.