Medvedev Dmitriy: http://www.proza.ru/2004/09/06-137
I’ve told him “thank you”. Just “thank you”, and may each understand the way he wishes what was it for. Someone might say that it was “thank you” for being born to this world, in a happy family and always being surrounded by good friends. Someone else might assume that the “thank you” was for love, the only true one that I was lucky to meet. The third one might argue that the “thank you” is for understanding the being that I’ve discovered for myself. And maybe it was “thank you” for all of the above? Let each one think what they will. I’ve just thanked, feeling that I have nothing to add, and I think we understood each other.
But before that I’ve planned to ask Him:
“What did You create all that’s around us, including ourselves? Are there others “like us?” And frankly, what makes You?” and many other questions, which tormented me for so long.
I don’t know whether He’d answer me or not, because all I’ve said was “thank you”, because I’ve suddenly felt that I have nothing to ask Him about.
And a moment sooner I wanted to ask Him for wisdom, the one Solomon has asked for in his time, or to send me to Earth as a Messiah. And I was willing to go through all the suffering that was due to happen to me. Also I wanted to ask… oh, that would have made an endless list. I don’t know whether He’d fulfill anything of my requests, because all I’ve said was “thank you”, because I’ve suddenly felt that I have nothing to request from Him.
But before all that I thought about apologizing or even making a confession. I’ve renounced both faith and Him. But, while renouncing, I’ve hated Him when I’ve lost all that was dear to me. I wanted to apologize for all the contempt and rudeness which I’ve spilled without measure onto His blessed name. I don’t know whether he’d forgive me or not, because all I’ve said was “thank you”, because I’ve suddenly felt that I have nothing to apologize for facing Him.
And another moment before that I wished to tell Him who much I hate Him. I hate him for all that He’d taken from me, for this unjust world. And if He’s so almighty, why won’t he change a thing?
“You’re not the one everyone wishes to see! You’re a petty tyrant, who simply plays with the destinies of humans, making them suffer! Why did you make me lose her? I can’t live like that anymore…” I don’t know what He’d answer to me and whether He’d answer at all, because all I’ve said was “thank you”, because I’ve suddenly felt that I have nothing to blame Him for.
And all those thoughts crossed my mind in a single moment. Even less, because a moment before that… I’ve died.