Friday. 12 p.m.
You have a shooting day. You are all in this process. Your performance is impressive. When you have played some scenes among the decorations reminding a study you the shooting place and sit in a free arm-chair next to mine and take a pose of a lion which has come from a successful hunting. Leaving the place of shooting you are still in that staging world, watching your partner’s work. I am sitting very quietly but have a constant thought that I want to sit on your knees or at least to put my head on them. But I don’t even try to touch you as I promised not to disturb.
14.30 p.m. that very day.
You have a short break. You catch my hand and make me follow you. It was rather unexpected and I feel some pain in my hand and shoulder, but at the same time I think that you remember about me. You lead me from the wide pavilion where the shooting takes place to the exit through dark passages and when we enter a little room you close the door. I look around and see different things and a table with mirror on it surrounded by numerous lamps and I understand that it is a make-up room. I saw such rooms in the cinema. I took around me with surprise. At thirst nothing tells me that the room is yours. Meanwhile you don’t waste time and I appear in your arms and you start to put off my clothes impatiently. I can’t realize all my feelings as your passion caught me, and I am melting in your arms.
“I am not better or strong than the others. I have lost myself with you just like those who were with you before me and will be after me,” – I think, when everything is over.
Some pink spots are left on my body, it’s the result of your ‘crime’. Your kisses were like bites and your love was more like violence. My sense couldn’t manage to react to your actions. I was wholly in your power. You assuaged yourself and left me here. I have made the bed when a woman enters the room. She is of middle age, not very tall a bit smaller than me, with bright orange hair collected on her head in a strange hair do.
The woman smiles and I relax.
- Marry, - she introduces herself without unnecessary words.
She begins to put things from one place to another like a hostess of the room, which we used so unceremoniously, and really she is one. She looks at me and says something about my hair. I look at her without understanding and she leads me to the mirror. Oh, it’s something and horrible. Of course, you didn’t worry, but I burn with shame, because of my appearance, which shows quite clearly, what we did here. I got into a hurricane and you were that hurricane. And now I am confused and feel that my face becomes red; it would be noticed if I were not dark – complexioned. But Mary is a clever woman.
- Oh! Don’t worry! – She says.
And than she begins to tell something about you contemporary difficulties, as I understand. But her words make clear why we were here. She is speaking too fast and I can’t understand everything from the stream of words coming from her mouth, because I have learnt not so much. Her presence is very pleasant and I feel mother’s warmth and a wise simplicity coming from her. I didn’t expect to meet such attitude in a strange country.
She takes a comb and makes me seat into an armchair in front of the mirror I resist a little as. I don’t think that it should be done by somebody else but me. But then I give in because I don’t want to regret her. Mary turns out to be very kind and open woman. She is even more open then you are. We drink green tea with chocolate biscuits. She is constantly speaking; may be it is her habit. But her sociability is very comfortable. And by the way it is interesting for me to listen to your native language. I look at the clock:
It’s 20.15
Oh, may be you have forgotten about me. And at that moment you appear at the door. You say some word to my new acquaintance and then look at me.
“Oh, my God, you are so handsome and I am missing you”
My heart is beating so fast that I am afraid that it can go out of my breast. You nod towards the door and I say “Good by” to Mary who gave me the shelter when you were absent.
We come to the hotel and have supper in the room. You are speaking over the phone while eating. I nearly choke; it is impossible to eat quietly near the active “volcano”. I am not hungry already; I stand up and go to the window. The dearest in the whole world voice is going on speaking behind my back and I am looking at the lights of the city.
The sight is wonderful. I am admiring the shining evening city mixing with the dark blue night sky. My feeling of happiness is increasing. “I am here with you in such a fairy place!” The realization that my dream has come fills me with joy and the feeling of bliss makes me sigh. It sounds loudly and there is silence in the room. You throw the phone and come to me.
Your arms embrace me and you takes me out of the state of contemplation. It seems that you are jealous of me to that city and to everything that could give my any joy. But you are the only man who makes me happy!!! You are my dearest person and I’ll give all pearls in the world for you. But you are on the alert as you don’t know the limit of my love. Really I don’t know it too. Every time when I find something not very pleasant in your character, I realize that I still love you very much. I think a little and your hands and lips are slipping along the naked parts of my body.
“Oh, God! How can you manage!” Your tender touch makes me close my eyes.
Saturday. The early morning.
I am getting up very excited. It is your fault! After some tender kisses so sweet for my body, you leave me in the bed. My eyes are half-closed and I see only you sliding silhouette and hear you muffing voice. You are talking over the phone. I want to sleep! I never thought that I could sleep longer than others. I am looking at the clock:
It is 6.43 a.m. It is weekend. You are mad. I am sleeping again.
You kiss me and I wake up. You are dressed already. I want to ask you something, but my mind doesn’t work so early. I can’t remember any phrase of your language for this case. You are smiling not hearing my question but realizing it looking at my face. You give me a note. We usually communicate with each other with the help of notes and SMS – notes because I don’t speak and understand American English well.
The door is closed and I am left alone. The note is rather long and I take a dictionary to understand every word. I see two unknown words in the very first line and find them in the dictionary, then I put aside the note. It isn’t a love message but an instruction how to behave without you.
The morning is warm and sunny. I decide not to stay in the room during the whole day and pine for you. I am sure that you will be busy this day. I take a shower and examine my bag: my phone, money, passport, visa and Russian English dictionary are here I look into the fridge. There is a bottle of water. It is so useful in such a hot day for a traveler. I put it into my bag and your note into the pocket. I don’t dry my hair: it will cool me for some time. I use cosmetics very little and in some minutes I go out. There is a big clock in the hall:
It is 9.35 a.m.
It is so interesting to see something new. When I came, I was looking at you during the way from the airport to the hotel. And there I saw only you. It was great to see you with my own eyes, to be with you. And even the ocean, that impressed me greatly by its boundlessness, couldn’t divert my attention from you.
Now I am left to myself and the object of my adoration is not before my eyes. Now I can watch something else: for example the ocean – miracle number two. I decide to go here. There is a storm in the ocean and a storm is inside me. The water is sparkling and waves are running to the shore. It is alive. And here I realize why I always compare you will it. It runs to the shore when it wants and sweeps away everything on its way; it is impossible to stop it. I am delighted by my discovery. It isn’t the simple beauty of words; it isn’t a poetic comparison expressed with the help of hyperbola. It is truth. Everything what God has created is a reflection of his essence and man is His own image; such as you are in my understanding and perception.
I am walking along the shore admiring His creature. Then I have been walking about the city for some time. I try to find my way back because I think that I must be already in the hotel. My phone rings. I see your name and time on the display:
19.09.“Oh, I have been walking too long! Though there is nothing in it. I am a grown-up already!” I try to calm my nerves and press the green button.
“Where are you?” – your voice is irritated. I am in panic and can not be calm. I stop the call and write the name of the street where I am standing now. Then I send you the message. Your answer is short: “Wait”.
Suppressing my fear I come to the edge of pavement when I see your car. I have a feeling that a naughty child who has escaped from home. My fear is almost awesome. Is it you fault or mine? I don’t feel myself to be guilty and come to the conclusion that you are an awful owner. I am offended – “you yourself always leave me alone!”
The car stops. You open the door leaning over the seat. You look is so hard that I want to run. But when I have know negative features of your character at last I decides to take you as you really are. I suppress my negative excitement and sit next.
You keep silence during the whole way to the hotel. But it isn’t a simple silence; there is a storm on it. But I am not afraid of it. After some definite decisions which I have adopted I change my perception of the world and people. I am very sorry for you. I understand that you have been worrying about me because I don’t know English and I have gone away in that strange country in the unknown city. Yes, it is my fault. And I didn’t read your note, though I thought about it. I feel my fault twice because you wrote it for me.
- Sorry, – I say with deep sigh, and you alleviate just before the hotel. We don’t need any words.
The car stops and your head falls on my breast.
- I thought you had left me, - you whispered.
I understand and embrace you.
“How can you think so?” – I think, - “you are my heart”. Tears are streaming down my face.
Morning of the next day.
Though it is Sunday you have shooting again. You must go. You begin to gather, go to the bathroom, look into the room where I am sleeping, go away I hear a noise of boiling cattle. You look into the room again. While you are gathering you do it five times I am sleeping but not very well. You disappear at last, but come back in an hour. You run into the bedroom and take me together with the blanket.
I am at the film studio again. I am watching you and your work. I have a feeling that I am spaying. At first it is interesting. Then you begin to do a take. You are not satisfied, you need everything to be ideal and quick. Not everybody can do it and you give up. I am missing. Today the shooting takes place under a tent, which is stretched over the ground. I look aside. There is a wonderful green lawn. It is so attractive. I go out very quietly, trying not to attract attention. It is wonderful here! The sky over me is so blue, so bright, attractive and clear like your eyes. I remember them and I wonder – your age is nothing for you! Your look is still clear, light and innocent. I am out of breath when I think about you. It is always so! I sit down on the grass, then lie. I see only the sky. It is endless. A spray reaches me. Drops of water are shining on my hands, and streams are moving down my skin. It is amazing: why such a simple thing a movement of water seems unreal like in a slow shooting. It seems to me that I have got into another reality.
It was so painful for me some time ago, that time went so quickly. It seemed to me that it wanted to take away my hope, which was disappearing from year to year. And now I know that it has been bringing you nearer and that is why it was in a hurry. And now it is doesn’t hurry, it rests in my hands, in those spots of water, because you are here.
ïåðåâîä: http://www.proza.ru/2014/01/03/1502