Medvedev Dmitriy: http://www.proza.ru/2013/07/16/1478
One day, the Satan came to God, and started complaining about Adam.
“I’ve had it with the demands of your firstborn. Sometimes “it’s stiffly” for him, sometimes “the beer is somewhat warm”, sometimes “the grass has no kick.” Meaning, it’s not up to his idea of a comfort. Is he in Hell or what? Take him to your heaven!”
“By all means no!” The Lord shook his head. “Last time this vandal called all my animals names, carved “Adam and Even were here” on the Tree of Knowledge and ate all of heaven’s emergency reserves. So say thank you for me calling taboo on those apples, instead of you.
The Prince of Darkness swallowed nervously, thinking about such perspective, but didn’t back off from his purpose:
“At least you have experienced seraphs and cherubs, while here I only have newbie’s. So the forefather calls the rank on the younger spirits, who can’t even hold the pitchforks right. Says he’s got ages and ages of experience over them. You sure spared your own kiddo the hellish experienced. He lives in Heaven like in his own pocket.”
“More the reason to not take him.” The Creator waved his hand. “Here on Cloud Seven I have an intelligent crowd, talking only about uplifting issues. And this Adam will drive them up the wall with his stories about how he spilled his blood in Hell for them.”
“Do try and understand me, my dear enemy,” the Devil wouldn’t give up. “As one ruler to another. This lose cannon picks on young demonesses, saying ‘why don’t you come over, I have no parents at home’, and makes me wear the horns of a cuckold with no shame. That’s one Hell no.”
The Almighty just spread his hands:
“You think he was any better here? One day he’d find himself a monkey and breed some Darwinists, and another he’d pick through his ribs, as in calling some girls over. I tell him ‘what about Eve’, and he’s like ‘I love her more than any un-existing women, I swear on my mother’. So rude!”
“At least he doesn’t make a fuss,” the Tempter hurried to add his two bits. “And here the no-good gets drunk with Noah, and together they go find two troubles of a kind. My demons are barely alive! There’s lots of burnout going on!”
“Listen, I’ve said I’m not taking him, so I wont! My will gets done and it’s my supreme plan.” God cut in harshly, but then he softened a bit and added. “But you’re one smart devil, and still haven’t figured out that it’s not the humans I’ve created Hell for.”