Medvedev Dmitriy: http://www.proza.ru/2012/08/23/1228
After a successful agreement reached in Angouleme, Marie de Medici felt like becoming a socialite again. But not even a year had passed and her will shifted to sitting upon her white-stone friend, taking time before hand to send all her predecessors’ achievements down the drain (I mean the French throne and reforms). So, gathering all the chutzpah and shticks* into a pile to match her growing mass, she went to the king and told him without further ado something along the lines of:
“Let’s get this gay between us, and stop Dragging this along, kiddo, since straight doesn’t work for you. Sashay away from my throne, since France is a one queen show, my dear Mercury.”
Now that’s one heavy nature this mother has, and it doesn’t really matter if she’s holding a scepter, carrying a torch, travels with a staff, marches with a baton, casts with a wand or just works as an obese stripper- it’s still the kind of sticks and stones that’s set to break the camel’s bones.
“Your momma” Said Richelieu, addressing the king, “Is somewhat bothered by the unsteady situation, but do allow me to bring her around.”
“Bien,” Louis nodded pensively. “Go to my mother, my soon to be redhead.” He added, implying the reward waiting the soldier of the god, as far as berets are considered. “But as I tell you to shoot ahead, if you wish to keep the hood, Robin, don’t get into any grey monk-ey business.”
“As you wish” the chairman took his bow with this vow, and decided to spare his Majesty the difference between capuchin monk-ey business and capuchin monks order, as he headed out to follow his mind’s set.
Marie trusted Richelieu fully, since he rose to power with her support, therefore she didn’t immediately tell him off, but first listened to all the wise reasoning of the state secretary. But none of his yobibite** load seemed to break through her mental wall, in an attempt to create at least an artificial intelligence. The socialite already had it up with everyone, so now she planned to systematically mark her territory.
“By me to the cradle, by me to the tomb. “ She replied simply. Her certainty was strengthened by the promise of her kin to bring in some monetary, military and anti-humanitarian aid. “And then I’ll live my life in a way that will make you all think twice about!”
Well, you know that woman say- woman do. That being said, she took off to Point-de-Ce, and in July 1620 her troops already amounted to three thousand horsemen and ten times the number in infantry. To compare, Louis XIII at the same time set out from Paris with an army of two hundred knights and three thousand pawns.
“The more of them the merrier it’s for us to do in their least with our best.” Marie said when she heard such good news.
The two stars of the French crown were anything but joking in their decision to get at each other’s throat, and each saw himself as the death star for his opponent. But no one would dare to place a bet on either side in those star wars, not even the craziest fan of the namesake movie. Because from one side, the rebels must defeat the empire, but on the other hand, the heroes need to be of a significantly lesser number in order for the victory to be epic.
As opposed to the simplicity of the genre of the fantastic movie, the reality was much more complex. It took the imperial troops a month to storm the rebels, through constant battles and by a paradox growing in numbers. Medici’s troops, on the other hand, came out victorious time after time, and grew less by the minute, as they took up pillaging the villages. In August of the same year the balance of power has shifted. But it was far from Louis’s mind to hurt his mother (he did want it, but not too much), and that’s why at the set morning he honestly waited for the representatives of the peace talks of the rebels all the way ‘till noon. After he had enough waiting, he decided to change his line of work from a waiter to a fighter, no matter what his dear Luynes had in mind. Frankly, the enemy attack woke Marie up#. During the three hours of waiting-mating- consummating between the armies, the dethroned queen had the time to have breakfast, to freshen up and to surrender looking her best.
“Fine, okay, you’ve managed to beat a weak woman.” She said calmly to her worn out son, who’s been riding the mountains instead of mounting for a whole month. “I’ll be nice to everyone now, and for you I’ll be totally maternal. I was just mean because I’m no longer lean and had no pills to go with it. What was it that I wanted to add? Oh, that Presque-vu##…”
This condition was a common case whenever Marie had a necessity to remember the word “sorry”. But the son forgave his mother even without that. More than that, he didn’t follow her followers and chased her chasers. Aside from the general amnesty, Louis also paid for his mothers three hundred thousand worth of debt, which she made during her war against him. That was just simply majestic, or should I say royally dumb. But in being awkward, Marie beat her son, in demanding from Rubens to paint all that in a single painting. The painter spent a long time scratching his head and the palette, but the canvas still didn’t show what it was planned to. As a result, the “Battle at Ponte-de-Ce” was renamed into “The Queen opts for Security”, turning the whole plot and initial idea around.
To the sounds of thunder, Mercury and Innocence lead Marie into the temple of Concordance, to meet the victor. “Forgive him as he had forgiven you.” The kind goddess on the right whispers. “And stay indebted to him.” The god of merchants adds. “Yep, get him!” goads her foot (adds my wild Imagination). Judging by the looks of the main heroine on the picture, she’s stunned by the amount of advice given, not sure which to follow. At the same time, oh the front plane, the goddess of Peace burns down the puzzle of “make a knight”, which was mentioned already at the painting “Marie de Medici as Minerva” and keeps Maries’ eternal followers from going after her. The first of which is the naked Deceit with a mask on his face, the black Envy with a snake on her hand and the blind Fury, looking as a dressed Borghese wrestler with a bandage on his eyes.
*Words from Yiddish, the first meaning “nerve” and the second meaning “dirty trick”
**Father Joseph, Richelieu’s subordinate, was the cardinals’ right hand and had a significant effect on his decisions, while staying in his shadow. His grey robes gained him the nickname “the grey monk”, later to be replaced with “the grey cardinal”. This name became a household name for those who act behind the scenes, from the shadows, while in fact defining the behavior of the formal ruler.
*** Yobibyte (YiB - Yotta Binary Byte)- the official maximal unit of information, equal to 2 in the 80th degree of bytes.
# No one dared to awake her to make the final decision.
## Persque-vu (fr.).- A state in which a person can’t recall a word, its’ hanging on his tongue and he feels that he’s just about to remember it.