HAPPY BIRTHDAY
by Sergei Kiselyov & Andrey Kochkin
EXT. – UCLA CAMPUS – DAY
A group of students leaving Royce Hall after class. ALEX – a sporty type, smart casual, glasses on – says goodbye to classmates. They exit left, Alex exits right.
EXT./INT. – CAR – SAME
ALEX opens his car, puts his bag in the backseat, gets behind the wheel, fastens the belt. Suddenly door opens and a PRETTY GIRL jumps into the passenger seat of ALEX’s car.
ALEX, stunned, sees her for the first time.
ALEX
Excuse me, do I know you…
GIRL says nothing, turns to ALEX and kisses him on the mouth, unbuttons his shirt, starts kissing his chest.
ALEX
Wow, wow, wow… hang on… what the… steady there…
GIRL undoes ALEX’s belt and goes down on him. ALEX is shocked and motionless. His arms are frozen in mid-air, he stares at the girl, then looks around to see if there are any passers-by.
ALEX is about to say something as the GIRL’s head starts to bob up and down in a steady rhythm. ALEX grips the door handle, his eyes close, shoulders fall, he relaxes and starts moaning quietly.
ALEX comes with a heavy sigh, GIRL sits up, takes a stick of gum out of her pocket.
GIRL
(putting gum in her mouth)
Happy birthday, sugar.
ALEX
That was awesome… (stares at her mouth)… Is this a blind date or something?
GIRL gives ALEX a daring and confident smile. She looks like a regular campus girl, there is nothing about her to suggest that she is a professional. ALEX is thinking of a bet she might have won by blowing him.
ALEX
(gets back on track) If you don’t mind me asking… (clears throat)
Who are you?
GIRL
Just a birthday present for you, sweetie.
ALEX
(confused)
Oh… But it’s not my birthday.
GIRL
(stops smiling)
Fuck! (turns away) But he told me - a black Mercedes.
ALEX
(sees a black Merc just like his parked across the road)
You might wanna know this is not the only black German car in town. (points) See?
GIRL and ALEX watch a YOUNG MAN approaching the other Merc, carrying a wrapped gift in his hand.
ALEX
(turns to GIRL, smiling)
Anyway, thank you!
GIRL
Fuck you!
GIRL storms out, crosses the street towards the other Merc. ALEX looks on, leaning on the wheel. He is confused, embarrassed and happy.
ALEX
(to himself)
Un-fucking-believable…
ALEX’s cell phone rings.
ALEX
Hi Mike, what’s up?
MIKE
(VO)
Happy birthday, man! How was it? My present? I thought you’d love it!
ALEX
(chuckles)
Mike, you moron – it’s not my birthday yet, it’s next fucking WEEK. I told ya.
MIKE
Oops… Oh shit.
ALEX
Forget it. I loved it – every damn second. Didn’t get a proper look at her face, though. Went down in a flash, like she dropped something. (broad smile) Boy can she do it…
(after a pause)
And that was pretty much the best birthday treat… ever. Shame it was kinda early, ‘cos my friends are all retards…
(they laugh)
Listen, I’ll call you from home, okay?
MIKE
Yeah man, sure.
ALEX
Thanks, buddy. Take care.
ALEX starts the car, turns up the radio. Pauses to look at the Merc parked across the street. There is some commotion inside.
ALEX
(to the man in the Merc)
Happy birthday!