Across the TV screen. Part 4

Елена Котова 1

       I have read an article about him in a newspaper. We had a little quarrel so that I even did not want to go to this meeting, but when the television seance time came, I turned out to behave as a heroine of  Pushkin's poem "Ruslan and Ludmila":
              "From choosing death: I can! I must. . .
              I have no stomach for your tents,
              Your tedious songs, your blandishments –
              I want no meals, no tunes, no meeting,
              I'll die amidst your opulence!"
              Ludmila thought, and  - started eating."

     When the television seance time came, I switched on the TV set. I was obviously excited: how he would percept me. It turned out so that I could not find the proper TV channel broadcasting this seance, which had begun timely. When I at last found the program, they were speaking of something that led me to think  that it was not at all the seance and that the seance had not been shown. Then I changed it over to another channel. Thus, I watched some other broadcasts but not the seance at other channels, and I thought that I had got my deserts. Then I repeatedly switched to find the channel that had been supposed for showing the seance. And I HAVE FOUND IT  ten minutes before the end of the seance !!! Though still having a gleam of hope, I did not expect to see him. And, as it had been announced, it was the last seance.       
       When I've "got" into the seance, there was to be a musical part of it, as it had been at the previous seances, but though only ten minutes were left to the end of the seance, there was a conversational part of it – the conversation with the audience.
       I have forgotten to seem "offended". I am seeing him! I am listening to him! My joy is radiating like a sun.
       He! He! He! He! He!
       Maybe I lacked restraint, but I could hardly stop myself. It was the only television meeting of this cycle which  had this short-time third part. So small and so felicious!
       The seances had finished. But they would go on. We said good-bye. The seance was over.


       Next morning the taped broadcast of the seance was shown as usual. Now I could see the whole meeting. I was absent and he was strained. Some of the people began to say very good and warm words to him. He said that he needed these words right then. And I remembered that when I at last had "got" into the seance, his mood had changed at once. He was glad together with me. When the seance was broadcast live, I could not see this joy so well because I had been preoccupied with my own joy. And now I could see his joy, his response, his attitude.
       It was a kind of renascense.
       When I think of the seance and remember it, I am sure the Most High,  invisible himself, sees everything and He knows well what I am. And He realized that it was good for me, for strengthening our relations.
       And He had shown Him to me once more and strengthened everything that I had accumulated within myself at these seances.


       Then very short television seances were shown during football match breaks.
       When there were television meetings, he was in my home, and now he invited me to his home. He showed me his house and the way he lived. He showed me a book that he recommended for me to read. I said I would look for it everywhere, but I thought it would not be easy. Some time later this book was widely spread in the office where I worked. Certainly, this publication was not such beautiful as his one, but it was the same book.  I was out at the time when they registered those who wanted to acquire this book.  I was still in the list somehow.
       Yes, I have read the book. I did not read it but lived through it. But this is another story, and I don't think I should tell you about it now.
       At this meeting He also told me many useful words, and among them, how to live further, after all that.


       He is always with me and I constantly sense his presence, sometimes very intensively. He is not beside me, we do not see each other like common people, but I sense him. I know his feelings to me. I feel comfortable with him. I am flying.


       And quite suddenly, like a bolt from the blue,  several days of those seances in Leningrad.
       I cannot understand anything, he does not  respond my impulses. Later I guessed that these were taped broadcasts, not live  ones.
       "Abnormal!" – this is his direct appeal to the TV screen.
        Who? Who is abnormal? – at first I could not find an answer.
        He speaks much, and among these words are those applied to me, though he does not see me, as it had been earlier. But I know – these are for me.
        By this time it was rumoured about a great scandal. I did not know whom I should believe. And he told me all about that, told without telling it, why it had happened like that with a single phrase. But it became quite clear to me. Not anybody, not newspaper but He, He himself told me about it. Nobody could convince me of some other version. So this problem was no longer aroused.  He had suffered from the story for some time.

       The scandal widens, he is invited into America. He leaves for America   and certainly he won't come back: so repeats everybody. Everybody. But my heart. It does not percept either logic or facts – repeats over and over again its own conception.
       In my dreams I see him in America. I know that he tells me about himself and sends me his regards.


       All the same, my yearning was too heavy,  so I thought that a new page in my life must be turned and I made my mind to change something in my life and pluck up my spirits if could do it.  Once in the evening I went to my friend for contact-free massaging seance. 
       A slightly piquant detail.  Right after I saw the first television seance, I  suddenly felt myself a frigid woman, that I was capable of having full healthy intimate relations only with Him.
        She examined me and said: "You have a closed  chakra  which is responsible for functioning of sexual organs. I shall open it now". And she did it. My physiology began to change evidently. In the evening at home . . . A telephone call. Silence  in the receiver but it is for some time kept and not put. Later I suddenly want to switch on TV set. I do it. Telecast from Leningrad is on. Live broadcast. 
       He !!! I closed my eyes blinded with the happiness of what I saw. With my eyes closed, I listened to his voice with all the cells of my soul. I was afraid of losing even one note of the music of his voice . . . So I sat with my eyes closed. Later, as a continuation of a waking dream, I see happy images of our pictured life. Something as I want it to be. By his reaction I see that He sees what  I feel in these images of mine. Finally he says: "I shall soon come ".


       Next day it occurred as follows. Somebody rang the door. I came up to the door and asked: "Who is there?" I could see two men through an eyelet,  one of them being older and the other quite young a man. I would not open the door, because when I asked them: "Who is there?" they said the name that I never knew. I cannot say exactly now whether I really heard a voice, or it was a voice in my head, but it was His voice: "Open, we are familiar people". I opened the door. While I was opening the door, the older man (resembling Him very much) went away from the door to the place not far from it, behind the corner so that I could not see him at all. And a very young man was standing near the door of my apartment. I felt this invisible tangible connection between the three of us. And I wanted badly to look at the man standing behind the corner. But something stopped me from this action, somebody was holding me back. I did not look at him though I was burning with curiosity. The young man was speaking to me. He was well dressed and his hair was neatly cut. There was somewhat of a charm in him. A specific masculine fascination. He wanted to enter my apartment, but I was not apt to invite a stranger whom I saw for the first time into my home. Moreover, I was on the alert about that second  man, that was standing there and did not show himself. After a short conversation I shut the door. And when I shut the door.