It was evening of the day following the day of the television meeting. I stayed too long at my work – too much job to do. I called up home – I had a quarrel with Konstantin. I was going home. This telephone conversation was unpleasant to me and I was indignant when I thought about it. I mentally applied to Konstantin: "If you offend me, I'll go away and marry him". I was not sure I remembered my own phrase, if it were not for . . .
When I came home, I found all my family watching his television performance. I did not expect to see him this evening, and it was a pleasant surprise for me.
I did not yet enter the room where TV set was disposed, when I heard his voice: "Some people at that time discover for themselves . . . " At first I did not accept the phrase as referring to me. But it disturbed me until it "took its own place in my mind". I suddenly recollected my own phrase and realized what kind of "discoveries" he meant.
Then He recited poetry. About love. He was agitated. It was now the face I saw several months ago in the open window. And he said: "You are in love. And your love is requited".
This time he did not resemble the man I saw at the other seances. But his words, the way he said them and everything in him – all these brought warmth to my heart. And they still possess the miraculous power of suppressing all offences and discords in my soul once I recollect all this.
He said, besides, that one should "get out" of the seances and "you do not let me down any more".
These words were certainly very useful for many people. But as to me . . . After I saw the first seance, I wanted to stay alone, but whatever room I went, I always encountered someone. And I locked myself in a bathroom and turned on water to simulate shower bath. I was sitting lost in my thoughts, and I thought and thought . . .
It was a kind of "thunderstroke" in my seemingly settled and comfortable life in which I had everything any woman could dream of.
I saw and thought and set it in such a way, as I could do it. And what to do now . . . What is wrong about my way of doing it? Or, on the contrary, I have already "grown up" to do all the other way? Or perhaps everything goes on as it should be? Maybe such is my fate?
I did not know how much time has passed, but when I got out of the bathroom I was told: "If you respond like that – no more of TV broadcasts for you". I did not respond like this any more, and our meetings went on and on . . . , and turned into my life.
A seance and the following two weeks of preparing, anticipation of the next seance. A permanent dialogue though we do not see each other in our tangible bodies. For me, it is love, creation, permanent work ,studies and the following seance to which I come with definite results, decisions, responses.
And again I receive new impulses and "process" them. No rest, no peace! But such is my life! And I love it!
After the first TV seance I wrote a letter to him but could not bring my hand to send it.
Before the beginning of the second seance, a group of women sorting out letters was shown: as if an answer to my question. It turned out for good that I was warded-off. It was all no good then.
The TV broadcast time came.
"Where are you?" – he asked.
I responded. I was sitting in the corner of the room and it was actually difficult to find me. He had found me. The seance is going on . . .
I wanted to speak to him about a meeting. I have already found a place where we could meet. I decided to ask him at the seance to do for some time so that I could send information to him and nobody could interfere into our communication channel.
During the TV broadcast I did not tell him about the meeting, though he said that there were exactly the most suitable conditions then, and he said it the way I wanted to ask him to do it but did not ask. I was sitting as silent as a fish. One could really be lost in conjectures why I did so. But I am sure now that our meeting was not predestined then. It was untimely. I reflected much on all that between the seances. And I asked him: "What do you want of me? What part do you assign to me? What do you think of my role in your life? "
"My wife" – such was the answer given to me at the meeting. Yet it requires a special comprehension to "read" such answer. All is "coded". It could be "read" only if one knew my thoughts and problems of that time.
I had to think it of and give an answer to this question, that is, to "take a decision".
I certainly wanted to say "yes" at once. Yet, I used time designed for me to analyze it once again from many points of view. In my thoughts, he was always beside me. I feel his response to my thoughts. And moreover, his image had always been in my head. I see him "not with my eyes". I thought and determined and at last made a decision: "Yes".
And now it is time for him to decide and for me to wait for an answer. The meeting is over. He says good-bye till next time.