«The night
Hath been to me a more familiar face
Than that of man; and in her starry shade
Of dim and solitary loveliness
I learned the language of another world»
LORD BYRON
What do you see at night? I am more than sure that most of you have never asked yourselves this question. But think, what do you actually see at night? People, their faces, buildings, your own hands and legs, neon lights in the streets, cars, silhouettes, shades, objects, stars and finally the Moon.
Night is a time of relaxation for many people, either in bed with a hubby or at clubs and restaurants with a hundred of friends. Night is a time of love, privacy and intimacy. Night is a time of sky beauty made by the Lord. You surely remember a most romantic moment once in a high school with your first love on the roof of his/her house, counting the stars, naming them, kissing and counting again. Night is a time of fear and crime. It is the time of death and is associated with the Evil. But what makes it all this? What gives this time of the round-clock so much power and diversity? The answer is as clear as day, yet as gloomy as night. It is darkness which covers both good and bad, holy and sinful. This phenomenon helps many of us to do and reveal what we cannot during the day. It brings a veil, painted in gray and black which lays on the world till it's taken away by the dawn. Through this veil you see another face of life, more beautiful and secret, deeper and fuller, it makes you wonder, makes you a dreamer and a little bit of a believer. You see the world as if it's a parallel one. You see so much and feel even more.
Yet there are people who cannot enjoy the beauty and fullness of night, because the only thing they see is blackness with rare flashes of really bright objects. Night brings nothing but the death of the light. It steals life from them, it steals the most wonderful moments many of you had and gives nothing in return but silence and solitude. Blackness which is not the same as darkness hurt them deep in their hearts and the pain is hard to take away. Those people become blind for those several hours when the sun is going away to light the destinies of other parts of our great planet.
Night blindness is a symptom accompanying more than 130 conditions most of which are eye related diseases. However the most common reason of night blindness is Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), a genetic eye condition which finally leads to total blindness. Not being able to see at night is the first sign that Retinitis Pigmentosa gives to its sufferers, as if filming a preview of what awaits for them in the future.
“Night blindness...the worst time for my vision. Can only see...pardon me, can only notify that there is something if it is in good bright light and it should always be in yellow light coz yellow light is the best in which I can visualize things in the dark and it should be yellow coz yellow is the brightest. Sometimes it feels that I'm living in two worlds: the first with sighted eyes but with a poor vision when its day time and the second is just like....like next to a blind person at night. I often desire that this earth stood still between the time in the afternoon and the wearing evening time of the day coz that is the time my two beautifull eyes function the best but i dont want it to be granted coz if it happens my RP friends in the darker side of the Earth remain in dark forever. I really need someone with me at night to go out. All I wanna say, why is this damn night not so bright??!!!“ Gaurav Jalan, India
Only imagine, you can see more or less normal at day time. Your vision is not so good and you have another symptom – tunnel vision, not being able to distinguish things on the sides of your eyes. But you still can see! Your eyes help you to find a necessary bread in a supermarket, to recognize a friend in a crowd of people, to look after your children running on a playground, to do a make-up or shave. And then it comes – the torture of night when you become blind. It starts with the twilight and ends up only in the afternoon when the sun is shining bright enough. Clubs? Night dates? Beach parties? Moon eclipse? These are no longer parts of your life. And what comes instead? A fear of going out. A fear of unknown places and people. A fear of being clumsy and ugly. A fear of being blind when you are actually not. A fear that rules you now.
“I hate the way the dark nights take away my confidence and ability to get out and about. I'd never go anywhere new by myself after dark now. and I hate how pubs and clubs are so dimmly lit, would it really affect the atmosphere to leave the lights on? And the worst thing is trying to explain to others that what is wrong with me my thick glasses can't fix.“ Sam Heaton, UK
Misunderstanding is another cause of depression night blindness brings. How come that someone can walk normally during the day and then suddenly needs a white cane, bumps into people and objects and doesn't give a hand for a friendly shaking when the lights go out?! Is it some kind of a fraud? Many with Retinitis Pigmentosa may seem distant, cold and even aggressive. They try to keep away from strangers. They don't shout 'hello!' to you from another side of the road when you are waving to them. They don't smile back or exchange romantic looks. They don't make compliments about your new dress or hairstyle. But the ground for this kind of behavior lies in trying not to be different from others during the night, which is impossible to explain to each and everyone. And here you are: unaccepted, different, strange. The pain brought by nocturnal peace and loneliness covers millions of people all over world. If you search for support groups on Face Book you will find some titles like “It is not my fault I can't see in the dark” or “I am visually impaired, not mentally impaired”. The names themselves give a view on what a night blind person may feel when surrounded by uncaring, ignorant crowd.
“I don't go much of anywhere at night now, even in the car is horrible, because oncoming cars blind me and I get an intense headache. My family makes fun of me: "Its supposed to be dark at night, Mom". The only difference as it was explained to me is that normal eyes can adjust to the small amount of light and see, where my eyes don't adjust, even after almost all night. So when i do have to go out, I have a super bright flashlight while walking. Or if I'm in the Tavern, I try to just sit. Or I stay with people that know I have low vision. Thank goodness I live in a place where most people know me” Stephanie Hyndman, USA
Nature doesn't help visually impaired people with night blindness either. Summertime is nice. The days are longer and brighter, the nights are shorter. But when autumn comes, with all its colorful trees and bushes, warm rains and cold winds, the period of 'seeing' is getting smaller and smaller. The twilight time becomes the longest and it's another obstacle to adjust to, because overcoming it is impossible. Clouds gathering on the sky, rain and lack of natural light prolong the night for those with Retinitis Pigmentosa. They prolong the blackness and bring more depression and stress than this period of the year brings to sighted people. Winter doesn't make itself wait. And the only thing many night blinded want is to sleep like bears in their lair until summer knocks again and wakes them up with sunshine and hope.
”Hate the time change in the fall. Wish it would stay the same all the time. Love the sun not setting till late. Makes being outside much easier. Why do some people keep their houses so dark? Who cares if the electric bill is a little higher.... need those lights. Being nightblind makes me very selective of going places especialy places I have never been before. It would be easy to turn into a hermit and stay in my safe enviroment of home. Not to mention I am afraid of the dark!” Paula Hutson Nettles, USA
Dark phobia among nightblind patients is also a common knowledge. And if a person gets the symptom in an early age the possibility to develop the fear of darkness is less than if the night blindness comes later. The reason for that is quite simple. Adjusting to darkness goes more slowly if you are blind only for a part of a day. The hearing and touching receptors work worse than that of a totally blind person who has to use them 24 hours or a child who can relate to it as a game in the first place. An object suddenly appearing in front of you, sounds coming from 'nowhere', people or animals accidently touching you – all this leads to a neurosis and a deep phobia in many cases. Plus to it, losing self-confidence makes a person with night blindness disgust the night time itself and correlate all the failures in emotional and material context with lack of light or late hour. Sometimes it leads to an agressive type of depression, which makes the situation even worse than it is in reality. But not always.
Meeting and chatting with nightblind people will show you how humorous and positive they can be about their own condition. However, only they know what this positivity costs while the struggle continues.
“Once I was at a music festival with my husband walking arm in arm. He went up over a little foot bridge and I went down into the ditch and ended up to my waist in water and didn't know whether to laugh or cry! I managed to laugh.” Sophie Cortney, UK
The situations night blindness causes can range from funny misunderstandings to life-threats. And for many RP patients going out at night is like playing Russian roulette, they never know if this time there is a bullet inside or not.
“Some friends and I rented a little house during a holiday and we made a bonfire in a small forest. I stayed with a small group at the house and then decided to join the group at the bonfire, so I walked into the forest alone. Because I couldn’t see I tripped and hurt my foot badly. I was lying there alone in a dark forest and as the first group thought I was with the other group and vice versa it took them about an hour to find me. You can only imagine how long such an hour feels. Now I don’t really have a problem with the night blindness, I know where everything is at my place so I can easily walk around in the dark. I still live in the city so there is light at night and I don’t drive a car as I cannot afford it. I do think driving at night would be a big no-no for me. My friends all know I got this problem so when I do get to a place that’s dark, they will help me.” Anonymous, Belgium
Isn't it amazing how we humans can adapt for almost any circumstances and even grow both physically and mentally while fighting for independence, while breaking the walls of stigma and ignorance?! But when your own body is your enemy you must confront every single night, there should be even more efforts, even more strength applied to unveil the hidden flows of life in your veins. How many times it was said and written that visually impaired are good for home work only and don't have any brilliant future, because they don't 'function normally'. They must be satisfied with the least and thank God to have it. But each of these insinuations are broken every time one of those with night blindness face new challenges.
“I have always heard people talking about the Blue Mountian and I wanted to experience it myself. Just to let you know, the Blue Mountian is the highhest Mountain in Jamaica. We started to hike about 10:00 p.m. when I saw the thick darkness that we were about to walk into. I wanted to tell someone that I can't see. And I wanted to go back home, but I did not. I came too far to turn back. What I did was to use my flashlight to guide me. I would hold my flashlight down to the ground to watch the feet in front of me so anywhere the feet went I would go. At one point someone, who had on black pants with black sneakers came in front of me. I had to stop and let some one else come in front of me, because it was difficult to follow the footsteps of the person in black. Another thing I did was listening keenly to the guide, who was telling us when to keep to the left or keep to the right. Whenever he would say keep to the left, I knew there was a cliff on the right so I would walk very close to the left sometimes scrapping myself against the rocks.
On the journey I even fell once and scrapped my knee, but I didn't complain and still didn't tell anyone that I couldn't see. We continued to walk for another seven hours. I did not have a problem going up the peak since we went in the afternoon, because i was not sure at first how far away the peak was I brought my flashlight just in case. I kept looking up in the sky to see if it was going to get dark.
Anyway, when i reached the peak the sun was still up, i did not stay up there with others I just took some pictures and headed back down, i did not want nightfall to catch me up there at all.” Patricia Watson, Jamaica
Despite the sadness lingering in all these stories, the scent of immense firmness overwhelms them. Those abstracts from the lives of night blind people show how much pain and effort one single step in darkness can bring. Living a 'normal' life can be difficult, even if the only thing you lack is vision at night. Cherish what you have been given and look around with your beautiful eyes, maybe someone needs a little help and support to walk through the darkness of days and the blackness of night.