...Or my relationship with Europe.
I haven't been to Europe for 6 years. And I'd like to compare my sensations . What I was feeling then ? excitement... feeling new life...feeling that I was somehow worse than this clean european world which opened me its cold hands.I accepted all the beauty I faced as the only possible treasure of the whole human progress... I was asking... Asking for permission to join all this. As if I could be only led...but never lead myself.
I saw the clean streets and was almost crying from the hopeless desperation... To live safe and clean life was just a dream.I didn't even think about my own value. To breath european air was enough... I had already more than those who stayed at home - in Russia. The flowers on the windows were like the sign of the greatest cultural achievement for me... Man , I was in love with the super sweet european candy houses, which I wanted to paint and to take endless photos... During many years afterwards I started all my conversations with the words
"but in Еurope you know...."
hey what's now? I am sitting in the airport of Oslo and writing this text feeling great relief about the fact that i am leaving! I wanted to know- why I undertook this travel again... what's the point in all this? Actually before this trip I had asked myself what could I find in Norway? The same spirit,the same ideology, the same lifestyle and similar architecture...as I had seen and felt in the countries next door. Well- why I decided to get this experience once again? Something always happens if you want to complete the picture about some sides of the world.
Once I started to study- what's Europe like and what kind of relationship can I have with this big neighbor. I started my practice very carefully but intensively. Step by step I learned how to deal with it... I met lots of people. I talked. I loved. I thought. I observed. I tried to communicate with europeans and with migrants. I slept in their houses and ate their food.
I was very friendly towards Europe and Europe smiled politely to me. And at the same time it put me in different positions -but always it was somehow above me...
" Where your love is -put your heart " - sings Chris de Bourgh. I am ready to cry how I feel now about where my love is.
But thanks, old Europe. I still respect your culture and beauty. Thanks for my growing self-esteem... for my being strong inside ... For having an opportunity to learn the difference between corn and peel...