ÏRoSòè.. , or prostitute

               
                Coldwater Canyon


Oh Great Wise man, I have fallen, and not just once.
My knees ache and my hands too... And not only that...
And the Wise man answered, "Even though there are tears in your eyes...
Remember not that you have fallen, but that you have risen again and again."

Oh Great Wise man, I was slapped on the cheek.
And he answered, "Turn the other cheek... And not only that...
Drown all your sorrows in the river...
It is not that you sobbed,
But that you have forgiven!"

Oh Great Wise man, I made a mistake again,
I caused pain to my brother, I shall tell... And not only that...
Again the Wise man answered, "In fact you cannot know everything…
The truth is not in the number of mistakes,
But in the number corrected."

If we look inside ourselves and try to understand why we make certain choices it will be necessary to ask ourselves a question, "What controls us?" After a long search for an answer everyone will come to the conclusion: there are two opposite forces which control our behavior – fear and desire. The desire is connected with pleasure, with the need to receive something pleasant or useful. Fear is connected with the probability of losing something, both in the material and spiritual spheres. Occasionally a strong desire pushes us to risky actions which seem simply absurd... The fear manipulates our actions and we lose intuition and flexibility of thinking. Depending on which of these forces has a greater influence over us, we make actions which tomorrow become part of our future.
The same thing happened to Nastya... And if at that time she only knew that the absurd decision she had to make today would define her future, she would’ve started working on it yesterday…
But today, at her own risk, she had to put something called honor on the huge scales of life. Perhaps, that honor which duelists are fighting for... Life threw a glove into her face!!! And she had to fight for her honor in an absolutely disgraceful way… Disgraceful – to the sight of dilettantes or hypocrites; however it doesn't matter now, because it's been a while since the position of the stars towards the moon had been determined...
2002... Nastya was driving through the canyon. She was so tired that she couldn't feel her legs or arms. And it seemed as though the car was moving by itself on this curvy road and Nastya was just driving in her mind. "How beautiful it is here at night!” she thought. And why didn't I notice it before? Perhaps tonight is a special night?!" Yes, money definitely activates an influx of serotonin to the brain! Despite the fact that her body was practically lifeless, Nastya was thinking about many things: she admired the stars and beauty of nature and she also thought that this amount of money should be hidden under the seat should she get pulled over by the police. She also thought that tomorrow she should send some to her Mom (every month the amount was determined by her circumstances) and also, some should go towards paying debt, which was not that big but even then was harming her life.
Nastya was pathologically afraid of debt and debtors, and hated them equally; debt hung above her head like the sword of Damocles, but debtors became unimportant because they never paid her back... or did so slowly, in such small installments; slowly but surely they were becoming more and more distant...
"So tomorrow it is!” Nastya thought. "No more sword of Damocles!!!" And perhaps a Louis Vuitton Babylon bag, which she wanted to buy for a long time but could not afford because she was no longer that thoughtless little girl who would spend her money on expensive and fashionable things ... "Maybe I should give somebody the opportunity to buy LV for me? Actually, that's quite a good idea! I worked too hard to make this money today.
She didn't want to think about that under any circumstances because it brought back physical pain. But these thoughts were prevailing over the enjoyment of the road and over her feeling of victory. It was some sort of a heroic act! And probably, not only because tonight Nastya made "the record earning" as her hostess Missis L. said, but because in all the history of existence of this escort service not even one girl could sustain the executions of this hypertrophied sadomasochist. And not even physically, but mentally they couldn't do it. "It is a real psychological attack of the fascist! Yes, he is a sado maz! No, I will not see him, for any amount of money!" they shouted almost in unison. "What does he really do? Is he nailing down and then raping them or what?" joked Missis L.

"No! This motherfucker cannot even fuck! He is just jerking off all night long! Then he drops ashes on your body, like you are a fucking ashtray!” a young girl around twenty was swearing using a mixture of English and broken Russian. He turns the AC on high, puts you naked on the fucking marble floor, and then makes two thick lines of coke on your fucking ass; and if you're trembling from the cold, this fucking idiot hits you on your head! Then he pours cold beer on you and mixes that fucking stuff on your fucking body, and who knows what kind of fantasies come into his head ... I can't take it any longer! Fuck this shit!
It was the first time Nastya has heard such a flow of informal vocabulary from this young girl. It sounded so vulgar that she felt more turned off by the girl rather than by the client.
"Well, who still hasn't been there? Nastya, would you like to try? Nobody could push you against your will. What Missis L. did, and she did it well, was pointing out the tempting numbers. She knew all the habits of this client because they were in "joint cooperation" for a few years. He paid more than all others right from the start because he was among "difficult" clients. That is why his amount exceeded regular amounts by 4 times, which was $2000 per call. Usually nobody lasted longer than 2 hours. There were cases when he paid $2000 by check for an extra hour and also he had to put down his gold Rolex with diamonds as a guarantee. Next day, as a rule, as soon as she cashed the check, Missis L. returned the watch to him.

This time nobody would agree to go and he started raising the price like an auction. He acted like an insane person.
"Well, Nastya, would you go for 50 books?” Missis L. asked Nastya.
In their encrypted language it meant $5000.
“Do you think he has that much cash?” Nastya couldn't believe it. "That is not your problem. If he writes you a check for half of the amount, Maks will pick it up right away. We will also take his watch as a guarantee as we always do and I will pay you. Don't worry you can keep all the cash for yourself and give me a check, okay?"  Half of the amount, as it was established at Missis' L. was supposed to stay in the house.   Maks would always pickup money himself from "special” clients like this one before everything happened just not to risk an amount like this. Nastya was worried that she wouldn't be able to pull it off, but the hostess has such high hopes for her! This was not only proof to herself but also proof to everyone involved in this big, risky business called Russian organized crime. That exact FEAR, which leads to losing intuition and the ability to think straight, overwhelmed her. So many things could happen: Police! Drugs! AIDS! Murder! "I know I can do it" thought Nastya. I will prove to everybody that my place is not here among these semi drug addict girls, who are just proving their weakness. They cannot sustain a mentally sick person, who is looking for help in them. He is so helpless he pays big money which doesn't have any power for him. He is trying to hurt them when he puts the ash of his cigarette on their bodies. What reaction is he expecting from them? Perhaps that they will squirm and scream, most likely from the inability to act differently; it seems so primitive. "Have you tried to offer him something different?” Nastya's inner voice continued to elaborate. Maybe he wants you to enjoy the pain? But how come? How can you turn a regular person into a masochist? There is only one explanation... You are in Hollywood, aren't you? Then imagine that if you are not playing the part of a masochist right now then you would say goodbye to the career of an actor of this "big theater of life" forever. And here it is, Shakespeare's famous line: "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."

"Well, go ahead Julia Lambert!” Nastya started making fun of herself. She put together all her acting skills, all the patience and compassion for this sick person; all desire, but not the fear. And she won! She won in the way that he kept her for overtime, which meant another $5000. Maks arrived very irritated.

It was already getting bright. All the girls finished working at 3 am, but because of Nastya, Maks had to be on duty all night long. After counting the money, he gave cash to Nastya and took a check for $5000 for Missis L. as agreed. He was clearly not happy with the difference between Nastya's and his salary, especially tonight...