Part I
Sandra couldn’t wait for the weekend. The year started wonderfully: by a lucky stroke she could afford a pair of almost new short skis, boots and fancy ski poles. Wow... That equipment was her dream for a long time. She didn’t need to rent skis anymore and she could go skiing at any time. It was great! Sandra thought if she would wake up at sunrise, then she would catch the first bus and be in the mountains early.
Freezing cold air, sparkling blue snow and swirling around snowflakes were beautiful, but not only the beauty of winter attracted Sandra in the mountains. Not long ago she met the guy that she had dreamed of a long time. She liked him from the first glance. Sandra observed him from a distance and couldn’t stop thinking about him. The guy looked very different from the others: his athletic body shape, face and a shiny smile were just perfect. He was like a model, like a movie star or a Greek god, who decided to come down from Olympus to ski for a little bit. The guy had very expensive professional equipment, but he was new there and had just started to ski; it was obvious. But even if he was falling down frequently and sometimes looking funny, Sandra liked him anyway and believed that he would learn to ski soon. She tried to ski somewhere near the guy. “Maybe one day he will notice me,” dreamed Sandra, but she would never try to meet him by herself. She preferred to admire him from a distance.
Everything changed two weeks ago, when he asked her a question in the changing room. Sandra could not believe she heard his voice. Her heartbeat was so loud; she smiled happily and could not focus on the question he was asking.
“Excuse me? Are you going to go back to the city today?”
“Yeah… Sure. Why?” She needed a few seconds to understand what this guy wanted her to do.
“Listen, I got a chance to stay here overnight, in my new friend’s room, on the ski training base but my parents don’t know about it. I don’t want them to worry about me. The cell phone doesn’t work here. Look, this is my home phone number. When you get to the city, please call my parents, and tell them that Dennis is staying in the resort for one more day. I will come back tomorrow evening, alright?”
Sandra smiled and looked at him happily. Her soul sang: Dennis, Dennis, Dennis!
“So… Are you okay? Did you understand what I said? Will you call?”
Sandra nodded.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll do it for you.”
“Perfect!” smiled Dennis. “Thank you so much! You are the best!”
“What is your name?” asked Dennis after a short pause.
“Sandra.”
“Nice to meet you, Sandra! I am Dennis.”
“Nice to meet you too,” said Sandra. Her cheeks became red, and she felt like an alien was speaking with her.
“Are you going to ski?” The locks on his boots clicked, he was ready to go.
Sandra nodded. Dennis looked at her with a smile.
“Would you like to go together?” Sandra nodded again.
“So… Let’s go?”
“Let’s go!” said Sandra happily.
It was the best day ever. The sun was shining in the sky; the snow was sparkling and all the people around were smiling. Dennis told her that he had met with the guys from the freestyle skiing team. Their training base was near there. They had their own line for practice and their personal surface ski lift. The team’s coach was going to leave and Dennis was so excited to stay with his new friends for the next day. They told him, they would teach him the skiing technique and the idea of free skiing all day long without standing in the line for the ski lift was very tempting.
The day was beautiful, the ski tracks were great, and the ski lift was excellently working and Sandra’s soul sang. Dennis and Sandra were skiing together all day, and at evening time when Dennis walked Sandra to the bus station they agreed to meet on the next week too.
They didn’t see each other in the city. Both of them were busy students, but Dennis called her sometimes and Sandra waited for his calls. She remembered that when she had tried to imagine her future boyfriend, she was always thinking about a prince, about someone like Dennis. They spent time together in the mountains and it was an unforgettable time. They skied together, they talked, they laughed, they ate together and fed each other with salad. Dennis hugged her when she was cold and called her “My little frozen bird.” She loved his voice and the little dancing stars in his eyes when he smiled. The last time, when he had walked her to the bus station, he kissed Sandra for the first time.
Saturday morning Sandra rushed to the bus station, Dennis was waiting for her there. She could not wait for the moment she would see him again, to get a hug, and who knows, maybe a kiss. Sandra squeezed in her hand a gift for Dennis. It was a little crystal bell made of thin glass, fragile and sparkling. Dennis told her once that he had been collecting different bells for many years. Sandra thought that maybe he did not had yet this kind of bell. She noticed Dennis between people at the bus stop. When Sandra came closer, she noticed that Dennis was not alone there. Three other guys, a little bit older than Dennis, strong and athletic, were standing with him. All of them looked at Sandra and smiled.
“Hey baby,” said Dennis. “Here are my friends. Do you remember I told you about them? This is Paul, Frankie and Val.”
Denise’s friends looked at Sandra, then at each other and smiled. They looked different, but something made them look alike. Paul was the oldest one, he was serious and strong. Frankie was thin and fast, his face had some beauty, like a girl’s face. Val probably was a company’s clown; he had a round smiley face and bright red hair. Sandra understood what made them alike; their faces were dark from the sun tan and it was so unusual in the middle of winter.
“Sandra,” said Sandra. “Nice to meet you, guys.”
“Nice to meet you too, miss!” said Frankie with a smile. “You are so cute.”
“Thank you,” said Sandra and felt that her cheeks became red. She had never had so much attention from men and felt uncomfortable from the compliment.
“We had a lot of fun last Sunday on the training base” said Dennis, and looked at Sandra.
“Oh, yeah! You counted all the bumps on the track” laughed red haired Val.
“Right!” said Dennis, “If you were nicer, you would have explained to me how to make a proper right turn before I did it! It should be more helpful, than making fun of me!” All the guys laughed.
“I’ll show you tomorrow. I guess, you guys are going to be together today, right?” said Frankie and winked at Sandra.
Sandra looked at Dennis. She felt very comfortable and welcomed in this company. She appreciated Dennis for it.
“Didn’t I tell you? Tomorrow is the last day you may ski on our slopes,” said Paul. “We are not going to be there starting the following week.”
“Why? What happened”? Dennis looked surprised.
“Nothing special,” giggled Val. “Just a championship in France. Wish us good luck, buddy! We are leaving this Monday.”
“Wow!” wondered Sandra, “You must be great skiers if you are going to the championship! I wish I could be there to see you guys!”
“So, why don’t you stay with us up to tomorrow?” asked Dennis. “You could see what they are doing on their skies. They are crazy!”
“Oh, no…” said Sandra. “I would like to stay for one more day, but I can’t.”
“Why not?” asked Paul with a light smile. He remained silent until and the question from him was unexpected. Sandra felt like a little girl in front of the teacher.
“My parents will be waiting for me today. I told them that I would be coming back.”
“It’s not a big deal! Call them now. Our coach is gonna leave tonight, and all day tomorrow you can ski wherever you want.”
Sandra looked at Dennis. “Come on, baby! I want you to stay.”
“I am not sure I should do it,” said Sandra.
“Just try. Call your parents, and let’s see what they will say”.
“Okay,” said Sandra and dialed the number.
After ten minutes of conversation with her parents, Sandra convinced her mother that it was okay for her to stay in the mountains for one more day. She said that she had money to rent the room in the resort and she would not be there alone, her girlfriends would stay there, too.
The guys started to giggle when they heard the word “girlfriends.”
“So?” Dennis asked when Sandra finished the difficult conversation with mother.
“Everything is fine!” Sandra smiled happily.
“Hurray!” Dennis hugged Sandra and kissed her on her nose “You are my sweet girl…” They took their skies and backpacks, and then rushed to the bus.
All the way to the mountains Sandra laughed until she cried. The new company was so interesting and easy going.
Sandra and Dennis didn’t go to the resort. Paul gave them the key from his room in the training base and said that he would not be sleeping there tonight. The training base had a few house trailers that were used as rooms for the freestylers. The small room where Dennis and Sandra came was cold and messy as any room where nobody lived constantly. Everywhere there was skiing equipment and Paul’s clothing. The pictures of naked girls and flying skiers covered the walls. The wooden floor was dusty.
Sandra and Dennis dropped off their backpacks took their skies and left for slopes. They were skiing to the time when the ski lift was closed. The last bus left the bus station. Sandra looked around. The place which had been so busy and crowded during the day became so quiet and peaceful. The snow started. Large snowflakes were flying down from the dark sky, dancing in cold air.
“You will become a snow girl if you stay here for a few more minutes,” smiled Dennis. “Let’s go get something hot to eat. I’m starving.”
Sandra followed him. All this long day she was thinking about her strange and unusual relationships with Dennis. She could not explain to herself what was going on with her when he was near. Her heartbeat was two times faster and her breathing stopped sometimes. Sandra had blindly followed Dennis in anything he did. She tried to understand the nature of this dependence on him, but she couldn’t.
When Sandra and Dennis finally came to their room, they were cold, tired but happy. Dennis turned on the electrical heater and very soon the metal spiral of the heater colored deep red. Sandra put her frozen hands over the heater. The red reflection from the heater danced in Sandra’s happy eyes. “Dennis is here, with me…” her soul sang. She sank in his name.
Dennis hugged her.
“Sandra,” he whispered, “You are my sweet girl. I’m so happy that you are here tonight. You know, nights before, when I’ve been there alone, I’ve been thinking about you, and dreaming about this night, about every second I would spend with you, baby. Do you want to be here, with me?”
Sandra felt like she was falling. She just nodded. She had been waiting for these words and for this night for a very long time too.
Dennis kissed Sandra. The kiss was long and different from other times. He knew what he did. He kissed Sandra and his hands lightly touched her back, neck, and breast and moved lower and lower over her body.
“Dennis,” whispered Sandra.
“Shhh…” he said. “Don’t say anything now.” He lifted her easily in his hands and put her on the bed.
***
An hour later Dennis got up, took his clothing and started to dress.
“Where are you going, Den?” asked Sandra. “Are you leaving?”
“Yep! I’m out of cigarettes. I got to go to buy some. Are you going to stay here?”
“Yes, of course I will. I’ll wait for you. Are you going to come back soon, right?” Dennis didn’t answer. “Or… maybe you want me to go with you?” asked Sandra again.
“No,” Dennis glanced at Sandra. “It’s cold outside. Get some rest, baby. I’ll be back soon.”
“Dennis,” called Sandra, “look what I have for you.” Sandra reached for her jacket and took the little crystal bell with red reflections on the fragile facets from the pocket.
“Wow!” said Dennis. He took the bell and looked at it closely. “It is a beautiful one, thank you!” then Dennis gave the bell back to Sandra. “Could you hold it for me for a while, please? I’ll take it later. I really need to smoke, baby. I got to go now,” he said and went into the night.
Part II
The wild animals in their cages,
The babies in their carriages,
All those people who walk on the streets,
None of them know
How you were fast and careful
When you were holding me in your arms.
None of them saw you lying down
With a child’s face, but powerful like a lion.
None of them know how heavy your head was
None of them know, but me…
My face, my stomach, my neck and my throat,
And every nerve of my crushed soul,
I know.
And nothing in the world is more horrible
Than knowing and living without your love.***
Sandra whispered the poem, the word by the word, like beading a string. She tried to flog the memory about everything that just happened between her and Dennis, his voice, the taste of his kisses and the odor of his skin. It was warm and cozy under the blanket and she fell asleep. Sandra didn’t know for how long she was sleeping, but when she woke up it was still dark and quiet in the room. “Dennis!” she called. Nobody answered. Sandra waited for a while and slowly started to dress. She turned on light in the room and switched off the heater; it was too hot. She looked outside through the tiny window, but snow almost covered it from the outside. All that she saw was dark, inky night behind the window. Sandra walked back and forth across the room. The time dragged on slowly in the silence. Then she opened the door and looked outside. It was freezing. The snow was still falling. Sandra put her jacket on and searched for the key to the room. Then she realized that probably Dennis took the key. So, she shut the door and stepped into darkness.
Sandra didn’t know where she was going and why. She understood that Dennis left the room long ago and a sticky fear about him squeezed her heart.
“I hope nothing bad has happened!” she thought. All the windows of the training base were dark. A single lamp on the tall pole was wobbling in the wind and the shadows from the snow banks were moving too. Sandra began to run on the path in the snow between the cabins. Then she turned on the main road and walked fast in the direction of the lighted building in the resort complex. People should be there. Maybe someone saw Dennis.
Suddenly Sandra heard laughing and loud voices. A few men were walking in the training base direction. When they came close Sandra noticed Dennis’s friends among the company, those whom she met that morning. “Hi, guys!” she called to them. “Have you seen Dennis?”
“Yes! We have seen him!” said Val happily. He was staggering and probably drunk.
“No. We have not seen him.” Said Paul and looked significantly at Val.
“How did you lose your man?” asked Frank with laugh. Sandra was confused.
“He said he needed to go buy cigarettes. But… he left and never came back.”
“Oh…” replied Paul, “Smoking is such a bad habit…” Everyone around started to laugh.
“What is so funny?” asked Sandra. She didn’t understand what was going on. Frankie smiled:
“Nothing, sweetie, nothing! Just ball came to the player… It seems you got too cold being alone, right? Let’s go, we are good guys and we can warm you up much better than your Dennis.”
Sandra felt someone touching and pinching her from behind. She turned around and looked at Paul, who was laughing.
“What are you doing? Stop it! Are you crazy?” screamed Sandra and slapped Paul in the face. Paul stopped laughing. Everyone looked at him and waited.
Paul looked her in the eyes and said slowly: “Shut. Up. Bitch.” Then he knocked her down to the icy road with a short and hard stroke to her face. Sandra tried to get up. The salty taste of blood appeared in her mouth.
“You are not a man,” she cried, “You are an animal!”
“I told you to shut up!” Paul said and at the same second pain and the bright flash from a heavy boot in the face knocked Sandra out. The snow became bloody.
Sandra regained consciousness from the pain, when someone slapped her cheeks. Sandra didn’t open her eyes. She heard a conversation. They were talking about her.
“She looks like she is drunk or stoned,” someone laughed.
“Very funny. Let’s drag her out of the road!”
“Do you want to leave her here?”
“Why not? Just somewhere farther…”
“You are dumb, she is gonna die! It’s freezing!"
“Who cares?”
“It’s snowing, you see?”
“No one will find her till spring.”
“She was right, you are crazy!”
“I know. I’m just kidding you!”
“Dumb ass!”
“Shut up already!”
“Come on, help me to lift her up…”
They tried to put her on her feet and force her to walk. Sandra felt nauseated, her lips and nose were bleeding, one tooth was loose and she barely moved her feet. The guys almost dragged Sandra to the Paul’s room and dropped her on the dirty floor. They left and didn’t even shut the door. Sandra heard snow crump of their leaving footsteps. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around. It was cold in the room and snowflakes were flying into the opened door frame. Sandra crawled to the door and locked it. Sandra turned the heater on, and memory returned her to the time she and Dennis were together. She was on the verge of tears. Sandra found a little round mirror in her backpack and looked at herself. Her hands were shaking. She almost dropped the mirror. Her nose had been broken and crooked on one side. Her lips were swollen, her eyes were narrow and all her face was like one big bloody bruise. Sandra tried to clean her face and clothing with a wet napkin, but nothing helped. She cried from pain, perplexity and abjection, and her tears mixed with blood colored the napkin pink.
Sandra had been lying snug in bed, when someone twice pushed, then knocked on the door.
“Dennis?” Sandra asked.
The key turned inside the lock and the door opened.
“No, darling, this is not Dennis. The boys and I had a meeting and I decided to come back! Oh… You are in bed already, I see!” It was the laugh and voice of drunken Paul. “Did you miss me, my beauty?”
“I am in a trap,” thought Sandra and looked at Paul and his friends standing behind him.
“You will never do it again,” said Paul seriously.
“Do what?”
“Raise your hand to a man!”
“A man,” repeated Sandra with a smirk.
“It seems she is asking for evidence,” giggled Frank. Paul smiled:
“Your face looks terrible, but everything else still fine. Take off your clothes, we gonna have some fun. You’ll see my evidence right now,” said Paul and unzipped his jeans.
Sandra started to sob, but her brain worked fast and clear: “I got to get out of here… but how? I need to do something! Immediately!”
“I feel nauseous…” groaned Sandra. “I need to throw up now.”
“Oh, shit!” yelled Paul. “Take her out of here, Frankie! I don’t need her spew in my room!”
“I’ll take her!” said Val quickly. He grabbed Sandra under the arms, bundled her jacket on her and pushed her outside.
Sandra moved slowly, step by step farther and farther from Paul’s cabin. Val walked near her, helping and holding her. She could not escape from him. She kept walking until he stopped her.
“That’s it. You may do it here.”
Sandra took a deep breath, groaned and suddenly fell down with her face in the snow. Val got a fright.
“Hey… Are you okay?” he asked quietly. Sandra didn’t answer. “Sandra?”
Val tried to pick the girl up from snow. “What happened?”
“I’m not going back” Sandra said unflinchingly. Val looked around then asked Sandra:
“Maybe you wanna go to my room?”
“What?!”
“Wait, wait! It’s not what you thought about! I mean… Do you know where you wanna go?”
Sandra shook her head.
“I don’t know. I think, I need to find a doctor.”
“You won’t find a doctor here right now, even in the resort.” Val looked around for one more time.
“Listen, you need to decide something quickly. I can offer you a bed in my room if you want. I promise, I’m not gonna touch you. For myself I have a sleeping bag. Dennis was using it the other night.”
“Dennis? He told me he was sleeping in Paul’s room,” replied Sandra.
“Forget about it!” said Val. “Let’s go! Faster!” He almost hauled Sandra to his room.
“Thank you, my Lord!” thought Sandra. “I’m saved.”
***
The next morning Dennis was waiting for Sandra at the bus stop. He brought her skis and backpack and walked back and forth, moving and jumping from the morning cold. When Sandra came, he couldn’t look at her face.
“Sandra…” he said. “I’m very sorry that happened. I drank too much in the bar last night and fell asleep. When they woke me up it was deep night and I barely find my way to the training base. I almost froze coming back!”
Sandra didn’t answer. She just looked at Dennis and thought about a big and iridescent soap bubble that popped. She took the crystal bell from her pocket and tossed it on the icy road. The bell shortly clinked. Then Sandra stepped on it and cracked it out.
The bus left the bus stop.
Dennis turned around and moved in the direction of the training base. The weather was beautiful, the coach was gone, the ski lift was working already and day was going to be very nice.
*** Ñòèõîòâîðåíèå - ìîé âîëüíûé ïåðåâîä ñòèõîòâîðåíèÿ Þëèè Íåìèðîâñêîé.