I see a woman at the window. She is peering into the distance intensely from behind a tulle curtain. From the height of the ninth floor she has a perfect view of the street and the two perpendicular passages crossing the «boulevard» built up by the three squares of grass-plots. The street empties (the red light at the preceding crossroads) then bubbles with cars, rushing along and crawling away into the bystreets. The traffic tides rise and subside with strict periodicity: emptiness – flow, emptiness – flow. There is something hypnotic about that rhythm.
The clock arms must have stopped.
The screen of her computer shows just a few lines that she has put in since morning. She is staring at the cars passing by, waiting for the well-known lettuce-coloured spot to appear. How long can she have been waiting? He was to come by four, and it is nearly five now. Well, he might have been locked in a jam or kept at his work, but he must call! It is simply dishonest to keep somebody waiting, polite people make nobody wait, especially a woman. She is not a girl after all, she is already thirty-eight (better not to think about that!), it is high time to consider her interests. To wait and to try to catch up with somebody are the most tiresome things, it's a common knowledge.
She is dialing his office number – for which time already? No answer. Cellular phone number: «The person you are calling is unavailable or switched off his phone». Where the devil may he be?
The elevator! Gritting of badly adjusted doors, damped down by the thin walls. She is practically running to the door, spreading the wrinkles on her skirt, exerting all her hearing abilities. She hears the slowly shuffling pace instead of the expected easy and clearly-cut steps, which always make her heart sink to the bottom of her belly. This time her heart didn’t reach that depth stopped half-way by disappointment: it’s Anastasiya Stepanovna from flat fifty-six.
What if he doesn’t come? It might be! After some three days he will call her and says as if nothing has happened: «I’ll be in an hour». She won’t be able to say a word against it, she longs to see him too much, so many expectations are connected with this man. Instead, she will start to tide up the flat hurriedly, wash her hair, and iron the skirt.
No, it’s impossible. It is nearly five o’clock! What if some babe of a secretary turned up? He won’t lose his chance. That’s it! He told her something about their director’s new secretary, a silly eighteen year old good-for-nothing.
After hesitating for a few seconds she dials the director’s number nervously. She is to clear up things with this greenhorn whore – but the long toots in the receiver mocked at her with each wailing sound.
In a mirror she sees a face distorted by longing; eyes of a punished dog.
That’s what she expected! The director had gone somewhere, and these two flew away half an hour after that. What a rascal! And this teenage whore! Twenty years younger that she is. Twenty-nine years younger than he. Right is the proverb: whitish hairs in the beard, kick in rib by evil spirit. No beard, fortunately. Otherwise she wouldn’t have paid attention to him at that exhibition two years ago, where he came with that dark-haired nymphomaniac.
Stop. His girl-friend! Her name was... Varya? Era? Lera, yes, Lera, Valeria. Yes, people always smiled: Valery and Valeria. Veleria Grokhovskaya? Something similar... Barkhovskaya? Yes! Where is the directory? This sur-name is rare. Here they are, the Barlhovkies, only three of them. Valeria.
Again she decisively dials the number with no idea of what she will say, nearly sure that she will catch him there, keeping an attentive eye on the road in the meanwhile. Long hoots. No, it is hardly possible that he is there now, two years have passed since she met him and he separated from Lera. But did he?..
My God, his car is coming! She throws the receiver on the base and jerks up closer to the curtain to see better. But moving to the semi-transparent fabric, vibrating in unison with her beating heart, she instantly realizes that she is mistaken again. She casts a farewell glance at the retreating car, the resemblance causing painful joy; this car must be a good sign.
May it be that he felt sick and simply went home? Well, where is this girl then, why has nobody answered at the director’s? No, she is growing mad. He might have got into trouble at his work, and he has problems with his heart... Dear me!
Anew, she quickly and strongly presses the phone buttons with a finger tensely stretched and shacking with agitation; anew she hears the doleful long signals. May he be in hospital?
She was already about to put down the receiver but suddenly it clicks, and a female voice answers. She hardly keeps from disconnecting, but pulls herself together and asks:
– May I speak to Valery Vasilievich?
– He is at his work.
– When will he come?
– He called about an hour ago and said that he will be after ten. Who is it?
– This is (her reaction is instinctively right and quick) Ivanova. From the bank. We arranged to meet at five, but he hasn’t come.
– Oh yes, he said he would be late as he was going to have some negotiations at four and then a reception. Will you please wait for him? He will come by all means. It’s the rush-hours now, jams are everywhere. I am very sorry.
– O’key, we shall wait for a while. Sorry for bothering you. I just wanted to get sure that nothing has changed.
– You are welcome.
She hangs up. My lord! How awkward she feels now. She shouldn’t get his wife mixed up in this unfair game.
It is half past five! So, he told his wife that he would have negotiations at four... «Negotiations»! Did he call her with that word? Or?
She is dialing his number afresh. Possibly she just wants to keep her hands busy, the strain coming to its peak.
She hears rustles, and a voice of a woman sobs:
– ... I did everything to make things easier for him. I taught children to behave the same way. «Father will come late, we shall go without him. Father is tired, don’t be noisy»! There are women, who don’t need a family. A man visits them once or twice a week for the sake of health – that’s all they want. This bitch must be one of these. But I need nobody’s dirt! – despite the rough words, the woman’s voice sounds tired and helpless. – Family – that’s what I need. But this... shit... she emerges from nowhere – and… nothing. Like sand through fingers. Twenty years, and – nothing. I physically sense emptiness inside. As if there is a funnel under my heart, everything sinks into it... – the woman must be shaking, articulating with peculiar abruptness.
– You are neither the first, nor the last. – The other woman’s voice seems worn out. – Besides, I saw several families, where husbands had left for younger women, but then returned.
– This... she is not so young, nearly thirty!
– Eighteen years younger than he!
She suddenly comes up to her problems. This old cow must be a fat, formless mom, who thinks of what to cook tomorrow while having sex with her husband! For a while she continues to hear the voices on the phone, but doesn’t listen to them, staring at the passages below.
For some vague reason she didn’t feel ill at ease. May be because these two will never learn that she once listened to them. They don’t know one another and will never get to know, so the fact that she learns their secrets matters nothing. And she was not really interested in what they were saying to each other.
Instinctively she doesn’t pull the curtain aside not to show, if he is coming, that she is there, looking for him. He has the habit to look up at her windows approaching to her standard «tower» – white concrete twelve-storey building, one of hundreds built in the late sixties. No cars. Flow of them. Different speeds, various colours.
An exclamation draws her attention back to the talk:
– What did he find in her that I don’t have?
– My dear, you are like a habitual pillow for him. He saw you in the morning with swollen face and eye-lids. He saw you in the evening laying with your varicose legs on a pile of blankets to make blood go down. He knows you inside out – knows so well, that it makes him dizzy. What is the worst, he knows you have no illusions on his part. It’s so nice to feel to be a strong and powerful man! But you witnessed all his failures during all these years, his despair and tears. That girl sees a respectable and well-to-do man with an expensive car, one of the company owners – all the attributes! He is sure to enjoy the excitement that he causes.
– Do you think he believes that it will go on forever? Fool! These youngsters are so material today. We were quite different at their age.
– God knows if it lasts forever or for a while. It will go on until she needs him, however. Until he prepares the thesis for the candidate degree for her, until he finds her a proper job. But I think he loves you as well. Don’t grin, I do!
– I didn’t grin.
– Really? I heard a hemming sound...
Dear, she should hold in check!
– I think he loves you. In a different way. He’d rather not lose you.
– Well, he said he wanted that everybody would be all right. – the first voice sounds thoughtful. – He knocked us down and wants everybody to be all right! – sighing: – He even hinted that he wanted me to meet her. Tomorrow he might ask me what he should do to make her happy!
– You know my friend Anya? Her father was a painter. Artists are... emotional people, – mournful hemming in the receiver. – Is that you? – and after confirming «Aha»: – Each time he had a new girl, he brought her to his wife to learn her opinion. What do you think Anya’s mother did?
– Told her all she thought about her!
– She received his lovers the best way she could. With a delicious dinner and an intricately arranged talk, in which she subtly put stress on her rival’s drawbacks. A girl noticed nothing, but Anka’s father did. He usually continued to meet with these girls for a while, but quitted soon.
– Do you want me to make friends with her?
– You’ll only raise in his estimation!
After a pause the first voice replied:
– Do you remember how Erisha’s Pavlik was living in two families for nearly five years? Fell out with that other one – returned to Erishka; some problems with Era – and he was back to that dry vobla.
– He stayed with Erka in the long run!
Both women sighed. A few more words, and they disconnected.
Her restlessness oddly seized. This drama finally scraped her on her aching sole. Valery belongs to that woman with soft voice who begged to forgive her husband.
Does she really need him? Him, who didn’t care a brass farthing for her! Always ready to screw any and every girl! Now she will dress up and go somewhere. He is not the only man on the Earth.
The shrill bell at the door cuts through her ears. Confusion for a couple of seconds, struggle inside, then hurried running to the door. Tense solid ball in the solar plexus instantly consolidates again, then softens and slids down in the sweet anticipation of meeting the man, who brought so much excitement and passion into her emotionally sleepy and monotonous life. Longing for the moment when she would enjoy the sensation that this man’s strong hands and body gave to her, she is stretching out her arm to unlock the door, she is turning the door-handle... Her hand stops.
Greyish mist has curtained me off the scene, I do not see this woman any more.
What is the end? I don’t know. I have no regards to this woman, we are not even acquainted. Besides, I’ ve got a lot of troubles of my own.