Thoughts. Anxiety. Memories. Strong knot entangled by threads. I press the "Repeat all" button and trance music spreads all over the room.
Fast rhythm, fast game of the drums. Bottle of beer. Tousled hair, tight jeans, red high heels, Capri's SLIM. Duck in the hands. Jacket on a naked body. Creak of the door.
.... krya-krya-krya....
Swallow of the beer. Facilitated breathe out.
Moon with orange aura. Blue eyes in salty water. 19: paintings, beach, home, champagne, flowers. All around - one big sheet. 23: paintings, knot, sex, the dream, scissors, road.
Fire-orange spark on the ground. Creak. Breathe of the fresh music. Just what I needed. Cocktail: small splinters of the ice, 2 shots of whisky, sour lemonade, 3 cherries (simply because the number is good). Drink that burns my heart. Music louder. Clothes are not present. Only red shoes and glasses. Deep rotation of the hips.
Creak.
Long cigarette, sour whisky.
Night silence. Words from the stereo are hardly audible:
"- ' Cuz we will be together in the dark...
-' Cuz we need each other in the dark... "
The Dream. Road. Hot chocolate with whipped cream. Anger, pain. Forgiveness. Needle. Droplet of the blood on a finger. Patches. Misunderstanding. Disappointment. Jacuzzi. Two orange sparks, soaring in the air. Necessary alcohol. Raging hot water.
Coffee house. Funny moustache. 2 meters on 161 centimeter. Fantasy, interest, help. And again interest. Aspiration. Greenish brown eyes. Smile. The same as on the nineteenth. He catches my eyes. And I catch his. Typewriter.
And fear of heart splinters.
Crowded street in the center of the mega city. Automatic telephone. McDonalds. Library. The seventh floor. Again the automatic phone. Suitcases. Hotel. White Russian. Sex.
Work.
23. Sex.
Work.
Class.
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.
Work. Street. Road. Suitcases. Hot chocolate with whipped cream.
Moustache.
Jacuzzi.
Visa.
School.
Work.
The Dream.
Creak. Swallow of the whisky. Salty water.
Telephone. Shiver of the fingers, shiver in the voice. David Guetta.
"What's up?"
Disappointment, pleasure, strong inclination.
Drink. Intoxication.
Soon. Very soon.
Road. Train. Taxi. Armchair. Two Bodies, Two Souls. Two heads, One thought. Sigh. Monotonous rhythm of the hearts. Investigating hand runs through the short black hair. They drop out and remain on my face and body. Sacred. Kiss on the neck. His smell. His perfume. Massage of the head. And in mouth - taste of his body.
1 inconvenient armchair in a taxi. 2 naked bodies. 2 huge souls. Deep feeling and misunderstanding.
Beer, vodka with Coca-cola, Martini.
Shop, down town, mini-van, a big comfortable bed. Dream. Embraces. Pictures on the back. Female hand on his body in the morning. Suitcase. Taxi. Farewell kiss. Not a word to each other.
Disgust. Misunderstanding. Gravitation. Lie.
Moon. Dj Tiesto. Crazy dance.
I am alone. I started to spin. I gave it myself up to the end. I let the hair down. I undressed myself together with my soul. Clear thoughts. Bottle of beer. Darkness. Red heart is opened. It beats. My best dance. Smell of my body. Desire in the sight of another: "I Want you". But I am for myself. Disappointment in everyone. Wave of my hips. Another one. 2,5 hours of non-stop dance. It is me. I dance, I breathe, I live...
Cherry. The second one. Long thin cigarette. Creak of the door. Duck. Steam from Jacuzzi. Creak.
Totally foreign body on the sofa. It is already mine, but I do not want to have it. Just an hour and the next cigarette. I went to meet the dawn.
There is nothing in my head except for patches and 10.30 in the morning. Regret, repentance, tiredness.
Tomorrow has come. Magic is not present any more. This is the most usual filter.
3 May, 2007