"HIM" means my British husband. We've already been together for eight years. I do have something to tell. It's piled up! I'll tell you everything& But how should I start? I'd rather start as usual: by sectioning and numbering. Why, I've done a lot of reports!
So here we go.
Section 1. WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MY BRITISH HUSBAND.
1. He says I'm the One and special, there's something foreign in me. It's pleasant.
2. He loves his county, is proud of its past, but doesn't babble about it. Lot's of respect. I am fed up of the screaming Russian patriots, banging their chests.
3. He loves his mom, he's caring. I hope he'll take care of me too if something wrong happens.
4. He had and avid interest apart from his job as a chemist. It's aviation. He buys everything about it: books, plane models, CD's, DVD's and the like. I can rest assured for the family when my husband has such a hobby.
5. He's ironic about feminism. A reasonable person.
6. He utters "I'm tired as hell" with gladness. Never complains of his co-workers and bosses. Always in a good mood.
7. He's economical. He gets his hair cut only at the barbers', there's no way getting him into a parlor. He's mindful about the family budget.
8. He doesn't like cut flowers at home. Instead he takes me to parks to look at the real ones. I haven't been taken by the hand to the park since my childhood.
9. He's fond of cleaning up the kitchen while I'm away. He's really helpful.
10 He's not a heavy drinker. He likes sherry. A half-empty bottle of vodka from Moscow has been in the fridge for a whole year. A real stroke of luck.
11. He's surprisingly undemanding about food. He eats whatever I cook. If I cook nothing, he'll do with a mug of tea. I pour him another one - and
I go free for the whole evening. It does ease the heavy woman't burden.
12. He never complains of nasty weather. He's fond of taking long walks in the rain. Dead ringer of Sherlock Holmes.
13. HE repeats "relax" and "don't worry'" several times a day, which definitely lifts my spirits.
14. And the intimate part...I'm not boasting, but he's very good as to his virility.
I guess I've praised him too much. Let's get down to the negative.
SECTION 2. WHAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BRITISH HUSBAND
1. He says I'm the ONE, special, there's something foreign in me. He has repeated several times that some time ago he should have imagined marrying a Russian woman only in a nightmare. So insolent.
2. He loves his country, is proud of its past. But why is he so ironic then? Why is he criticising the Government? We missed the Queen's Christmas speech because of him. He doesn't sing "God Save The Queen" along with me.
3. He loves his mom, he's caring. On holidays or on his vacation instead of going to Paris, he drags me to her place in Devon (seven hours of car-jolting, and I'm carsick).
4. He has an avid interest. It's aviation. He buys everything about it: books, plane models, CD's, DVD's and the like. The models keep falling down from the shelves and cabinets, let alone clouds of dust. When he watches an air-show, the noise makes me run like hell! i suspect his hobby costs deep in the purse.
5. He's ironic about feminism. He's not there when I get off a train or a bus: he says they established the gender equality long ago. A hypocrite.
6. He utters "I am tired as hell" with gladness, But that's not true! Why wouldn't he complain to his wife? I can't stand insincerity!
7. He's economical. HE gets his hair cut only at barbers'. But the barber would barb his so crudely that it's shameful to go out with him. He looks like an old Sergeant Major.
8. He doesn't like cut flowers at home. instead he takes me to parks to look at the real ones. Not a flower even for Mother's Day. A real scrooge.
9. He's fond of cleaning up the kitchen while I'm away. On my returns from Moscow the kitchen looks like an OR: clean and empty. Next week I'm scavenging for hidden pots and pans. Is it a hint that I'm carless? Or did he have company when he was alone?!
10. HE's not a heavy drinker. He likes sherry. These days only ancient grannies drink it. A smelly sweet stuff... He can't drink vodka: he sips it and puts down his nip. A nip is enough for him to go through the evening. I'm ashamed of him before my Moscow friends.
11. He's surprisingly undemanding about food. I've unlearnt to cook - there's no incentive whatsoever! I'v not talking about tea! The stuff he drinks for a pint mug and calls "perfect English tea" is in fact dishwater which black dust from a bag, diluted with milk. Hor-r-rible...
12. He never complains of nasty weather. He's fond of taking long walks in the rain. And he's always dragging me along! No, we really are different pairs of shoes!
13. He repeats "relax" and "don't worry" several times a day. It's nagging! A real couldn't -care-lesser.
14. And the intimate part... He's very good as to his virility. That's rather a bit too much for me...
Year, I mist have listed the essentials. Should I re-read or leave it be?..
What have I written, eh?! What have I meant by that?! Have I got on the wrong side?! No, I had an unbiased analysis in mind... And it has turned out that I like everything about my husband...except things I don't like !!!