1.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
—Confucius
The table brimmed with the Empress’ favorite viands. The chefs went all out in honor of the mistress’ return and, as it seemed to her, they even outdid themselves.
Elizabeth did not stop smiling for a moment. Once she had enough of her children’s embraces, her thoughts drifted to Daniel and what would be of him. The Emperor was merciful and even bestowed the honor of sharing the meal with the royal family upon the physician.
Daniel was silent, looking everywhere but at Elizabeth. He feared that one careless or rapturous look may become fatal. But passion and jealousy whispered in his ear, “Don’t be afraid. Take just one look and see how stunning and moving your Elizabeth is…”
After dinner, the Emperor invited the physician into his work cabinet and handed him an envelope with a gilded ornament.
“I was told that you are humble when it comes to receiving rewards for your labor.
But please accept my gift without hesitation. This will be enough for you to spend the remainder of your life working only for the sake of pleasure and the benefit of the people.”
The physician bowed his head, “Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty.”
“Listen,” said Antonio, barely able to hide his curiosity. He even took the physician by the elbow to lead him away from the door. “Elizabeth said that you were extremely careful and that you are dependable.”
The physician slightly bowed his head again.
“Yes, yes, I believe that you are a decent and pious man,” Antonio continued, lowering his voice even more. His wife had already told him about the peasant doctor’s noble spirit and utmost professionalism. “Would you mind seeing one more patient?” the Emperor asked in a somewhat hesitant tone. “But it has to remain secret. You see, the woman in question is fatally ill, yet she is very dear to me. Just don’t get any ideas—she’s just a friend. It’s a very tight bond of friendship, nothing more.”
Daniel was struck: the Emperor had something to hide. So that’s how “pious” he is. This must have been the reason for Elizabeth’s escape…
“Dear Daniel, I believe that there is a panacea to cure my friend’s fatal disease. Perhaps you could develop a new vaccine or heal the patient with a non-conventional method?
The Emperor and Daniel stepped out of the cabinet to find a sad Elizabeth. Rustling her dress, she approached them, extended a silver scroll to the physician, thanked him for taking care of her, and uttered a stiff farewell. At that moment the Emperor let out a feigned, loathsome yawn.
“Since when does he act like this? He always follows the rules of etiquette in front of others! And especially after spending time with the etiquette instructor. This couldn’t be anything other than an act of moral vandalism,” the Empress thought, feeling awkward in front of Daniel, although he pretended not to notice anything.
Elizabeth went to the bedroom to kiss her children goodnight. Returning to the hall, she was surprised to see her husband with two glasses of wine. He extended one to her with the words, significant. More significant, in fact, than the fate of the Empire.
“I would like to know: do you still love me, at least in some way, since I know I have caused you unimaginable pain. If there is any chance that I may remedy my guilt, then I…”
“Antonio,” the Empress interrupted, “I would like to move out with the children to a different place, but you can see them as much as you like whenever you have free time away from your…”
“Don’t say it, I beg you. I have already parted with Lara. I assure you, this won’t stand between us any longer. I will shower you with gold from head to toe, I…”
“I have heard that before, Antonio. And I have enough gold in order not to care about it. I need something else, but I no longer desire that from you. My heart does not belong to you. I will give it…”
“To whom?!” her husband exploded. “To that pathetic doctor?!”
“No,” Elizabeth replied calmly. “My heart needs freedom, oxygen, the freshness of life. I am tired of being suffocated by adrenaline. And you—stay with Lara. It is so rare for a person to find true love. So why give it up? Love, Antonio! Love.”
“But I already said that I have parted with Lara Ju.”
“And when Ju is gone, she will be replaced by some Siu or Flu. I know you, Antonio. You are incurable. So you best let it be Ju than some airhead, and then the next airhead, and so on until infinity and beyond. Lara at least helps you stay in shape. You have lost a lot of weight, and it becomes you.”
“I have lost weight from the stress and from the fact that this infirm woman is sucking my energy without even suspecting it…”
“Oh, I thought it was something else…” Eliz said, turning bright red. She didn’t expect to blurt out such an indecent joke.
“You are scaring me, dear! You know I cannot stand to hear profanity from a woman! And especially not from the mother of my children.”
“And I cannot stand profanity from the father of my children!”
“Whatever do you mean? Don’t you dare say anything bad about this woman—she is a saint! And the joke you just made is unsuitable for her—she is Catholic. I get delights like that from others…” Antonio said, staring at the Persian rug under his feet.
The Empress, on the contrary, looked at her husband with piercing eyes, hardly able to believe the dirty, open confession that just came out (Antonio has never been this open and straightforward with her).
“My feelings for Lara Ju are not profane,” Antonio insisted.
“Please excuse me for taking the liberty to ask,” Elizabeth interrupted, “But do tell me: what exactly makes this woman a saint?” the Empress inquired, barely holding back the tears. “Is it the fact that she cheats on her husband and feeds on your energy?!”
“She doesn’t cheat on her husband,” the Emperor rebuked. “It has been a long time since they’ve slept in the same bed. At least…”
“That’s the thing, Antonio,” Elizabeth cut in, this time in a firmer tone. “At least. And you! You believe that?”
“Yes! She swore by her children!”
“But you also swore by your children that you would never repeat the mistake…”
“Stop it, Eliz!” the Emperor said, sticking out his hand in front of him. The furrow between his brows deepened. “I’m a scumbag, I know. I did swear! And I did not keep my sacramental promises. I swore at myself, and not at the children! And I’ve reached a dead-end, Eliz! I don’t know what I’m doing—help me!” The man’s eyes were filled with tears.
“I will help you, Antonio,” the Empress replied calmly, taking a large gulp of wine. “Let me go and try living with Lara. She is ill and if you abandon her, she may not live through it. Then you will hate me and yourself, and will never be happy again. Don’t ruin all of us. Even if your feelings are an illusion, that doesn’t matter! You see, love is the only thing that can heal a person, making them better and stronger. Try it, Antonio. And I will wait for you…” Elizabeth lowered her eyes, got up from the armchair, and set the glass on the table by which the Emperor sat.
“I will find the strength to overcome my pain. I will tame and heal my wounded pride. I am strong, Antonio! I always have been and always will be!” Elizabeth was no longer holding back her tears because they were not a weakness, but a cleansing.
“I won’t leave you alone with this affliction,” she said.
“If you find your happiness, then you will stay with it, and if not—then the doors of my home will always be open to you. Even after taking your love away from me and inflicting excruciating pain upon me, you still do not deserve for me to close my doors to you forever.”
“I did not take my love away from you, Elizabeth,” the Emperor said, suddenly coming to attention. He even stood up from his armchair and approached his wife.
“I still love you. Yes, my love has changed. It is greater than sexual attraction and greater than euphoria. You are my stronghold, the harbor where I rest from my illusions. You are my reality. Please understand that, my sweet! There is only one thing that scares me: you have become completely indifferent to me. Only a woman who has no care for a man can reason the way you are doing.”
“It’s because I care about your health,” said Elizabeth, removing her husband’s hand when he tried to embrace her.
“Oh, I see—I am like a father to you. And therein lie all of our problems. I have become a father to you…”
“No, you have become ‘the father of my children’ to me.”
“So all you care about is for your children to have…”
“For our children, Antonio. Our children.”
“That’s the thing, Elizabeth: you and I have children together! And Lara Ju’s children will never be mine. They will annoy me, and one day I won’t be able to restrain myself. I will raise my voice and explode like a volcano… As soon as Lara sees my alter ego,” Antonio muttered in confusion, “She will… become disillusioned and will leave me… Do you understand, Eliz?! But I still harbor the hope that you will forgive me for the sake of the children… You are dear to me, Eliz… And she is too.”
The Empress’ knees buckled. She was losing trust in her own abilities. There was too much vile poison being poured into her poor female heart. Antonio scooped up his wife and sat her down into an armchair.
“I’m sorry Elizabeth! I still love you. What an adversity has befallen me! I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH TWO WOMEN. Each in her own way, but with equal force.” The Emperor turned away and stumbled towards the window. His back was hunched over as if he had just aged ten years. “Am I suffering because I am unable to part with Ju, or because I am unable to part with you?”
He fell silent, examining something outside the window. Elizabeth walked over to her husband. There was a time when, standing with him by the window, she liked to snuggle up to him and breathe into the back of his head. Now, however, she felt a chill pass over her, as if she was approaching an iceberg.
Hearing his wife’s steps, the Emperor gave a start, but did not turn around. He simply waited… Would she put her arms around him? She did not.
“I don’t know how I fell into this trap,” he said, breathing onto the glass. “I cannot do anything about it—nothing! I am living out an illusion, barely able to believe that my feelings will last. Sooner or later, any love I have ever felt ended up turning into hatred or indifference.” Antonio couldn’t help it—he turned around to face Elizabeth. “But I have never stopped loving you. You are my destined, my true love! As soon as I get possession of Lara, I will lose everything. Because I have already lost you, myself, and the children! Elizabeth, hear me! Just don’t blame this woman! There are just two people to be held culpable for everything that has happened: me and myself! Who better than you knows that there is a devil and an angel inside of me?”
The Emperor tried to hug Elizabeth. She did not push him away, but did not reach out to him either. Looking over his shoulder, she saw a flock of birds flying and thought that she would also like to leave everything behind and fly away, that it is impossible to bear this any longer and it’s a shame that God did not endow people with wings. Preoccupied with his own pain, the Emperor did not notice how his wife was overcome by a neurotic cold spell, and how her cheeks became flushed.
“Lara helps me be an angel,” he continued like a madman. “I am suffering from my diabolism! I cannot go on like this anymore…” He broke out crying.
It was bizarre and shameful to look at the crushed Emperor. Elizabeth pushed her husband away, but he grabbed her hands, jerked her close and… collapsed in front of her onto his knees.
Elizabeth froze. This was her triumph. She always looked at men kneeling on their knees with scorn, but now she looked at her husband and jubilated: there it is, the FALL OF THE EMPIRE! But a few moments later, Elizabeth was overtaken by fear: she has never seen the Emperor cry. Her heart became filled with a sense of pity for him and for her. Looking at the somber scene, she could no longer restrain herself and broke out sobbing.
This was the first time that Antonio lay his weakness bare in front of Elizabeth! THE POWERFUL, UNSHAKEABLE Emperor was on his knees.
“My poor Antonio is ill… Very ill… What can I do?” Elizabeth looked out the window, thinking, “I will do everything in my power to revive the Empire! My Great Emperor has fallen! And I must help him rise!”