A true English Bowler Hat was running along the forest path. It was not running away from dogs. It was not running away from wolves. It was not even being carried by the wind. The Hat was running away from its owner.
The owner of the Hat was a little boy. The boy's name was Gerard. He was born in France. For summer he was sent to England to live with his grandfather and to learn English. Gerard's grandfather liked to play jokes on his French grandson, who spoke English badly. That time grandfather bought Gerard the Hat and said: "Please, Gerard, put this Hat on. If you wear it, you will become a true Englishman. And you will speak good English".
Gerard put on the Hat and was happy. It hid his big ears which made him feel very sad.
"Hello, my name is Gerard," the boy usually said to his English friends.
His strong French guttural "r" made them laugh merrily. Gerard got embarrassed and pulled the Hat over his ears.
"It is simply horrible! This awful alien sound "r" grates on my ears! Ouch! He has bent my brim..."
"Will you show me your bike, please?" one morning Gerard asked his new friend.
"How impolite of him! The true English politeness is: "Would you be so kind as to show me your bicycle, please?" Ouch! Why are you pulling me over your ears?! You will tear me!"
Wasn't the Hat able to bear such rudeness, and it left its owner.
***
"Would you be so kind as to allow me to help you, please?" suddenly the Hat heard somebody's voice.
"I go there!" the Hat screamed happily.
It was the true-born Englishman who picked up the Hat. Every day he gathered the apples that grew in his garden into the Hat and went to his neighbour's with them.
"I would like to kindly ask you to try our apples, sir," he always said.
The brim of the Hat became perfectly even, but very soon the Hat began to look the worst for wear. The apples were very tasty, big, and heavy!
May 2015