This is a fanfic, describing gay relations (yaoi) with sexual moments so homophobics please don't read.
Death Note fanfic
Pairing - Raito (Light) Yagami/Touta Matsuda
Rating - NC-17
Timing - year before Light found the Death Note.
Can't you see he's the heartless
Your pain is not love
He's taking it too far
Don't you know it is wrong
He's the heartless...
(c) HIM
He did it. Oh my God… he did it. Did I expect him to? Yes. Did I want him to? Yes. That’s true… but still I feel that something was very wrong about this day.
How it happened? Chief left with his wife for some event that only people of his level are allowed into. And left his boy with me. Asked to take care for him. That was so funny, chief… If only you knew your son as much as I do. As much as I do now, watching the ash falling down from my cigarette to fly six floors down in cold air. He’s a genius. Yes, you know that. I saw it when he entered our investigation and with him we succeeded in two days when all seemed to be lost. He was so great… his eyes were glowing with sense of justice and I was ready to behold them for hours. His calm voice, that never talked in vain, putting some secret sense in every word, even when I tried to talk about some daily problems with him… I was so confused… I am damn eight years older, but I felt myself like an awkward classmate. It seemed to me he knew everything when I knew nothing.
When I saw him after that case I had some strange incontrollable feeling inside. I wanted, wanted to be closer to him, to mean something to him, as I do mean to you, chief, more than cute-looking graceful coffee fetching cop guy, which I’ve been for last few years. Sometimes I met his curious eyesight… I can’t read thoughts, but I’d really be glad to know what was going on in his head that time… now I can only guess but I don’t care…
So he got into my small flat. I thought it would seem uncomfortable to him after your two-stored house… but he didn’t pay attention at all. Everything happened very fast, too fast for me… He pushed me and pressed to the wall with his hands on my shoulders. Lights were up, doors closed. I was scared and lost my breath… Our eyes met, and it seemed to last for ages. My heart was ready to stop… moment after I could remember that I should breathe, but I couldn’t do that – his lips covered mine with a strong kiss… I was shocked. What is he doing? Why? Why… do I like it?! I tried to resist but it was useless. Funny… strong enough to hold a gun I was too weak to throw away a boy? He’s not a boy… His tongue easily went into my mouth and softly touched my teeth… I can’t remember how, but my eyes closed themselves when I was shivering of some strange irrational pleasure… What… is that me? With all strength of my arms I made him stop that kiss and had a gulp of air at last, and saw his face with a victorious smile on it.
- I was right! – he whispered, touching my reddening cheek with his fingertips while I was shaking of excitement and felt my heart ready to jump out of my chest. Damn… I liked that… his face got closer to mine again and streams of his cold breath touched my boiling skin like pleasant morning breeze…
- R-raito… what are you… d-doing? – at last I asked him. Somewhere deep inside my complicated brain I knew, what was he doing, but I decided that an answer of wiser one would insure me.
- I’m doing what you want me to do, Touta, am I not? – he gave me a sight of glimpsing triumph and I couldn’t find a word, while my eyes narrowed again under pressure of his endearment and arms totally lost all their powers. He tenderly caressed my back and my chest while covering my lips and face with not stopping rain of kissings, and I began to overfill with flooding desire, that killed all the doubts, that appeared at first. I love him. And I want him… now and here… the moment I thought of it he threw me on my modest bedding… That was painful as I hit my head on the floor and I felt myself immediately sober from his petting. I saw him in the dimmed lights coming from down the streets, standing above me like a winner, ready to take his prize… I didn’t want to be a prize… But noone ever cared. I know what that look meant now. The only thing my mind couldn’t accept – that he was a sixteen-years-old-boy. Why do I feel like a free slut!?
He rushed on me and that madness continued. He threw away my jacket and my trousers, so I left like a naked toy in his arms. It was freezingly cold and hot at the same time… I was scared. Scared of my own wish… wish to belong to him… he knew it so he didn’t let me go like a kind master. But when he kneeled up to open his zipper I couln’t hide my gasp of fear. I’m not a girl… but dammit, I am… was a virgin.
- Please, no!.. – I prayed on top of my voice.
- Why? Is something wrong? – he dragged his hand out to touch my boxers and convinced himself that my member thought everything was quite all right. I winced, swearing at it in my thoughts. – or Touta is just too shy?
- I… don’t want you to do it like that… - said I, trying to complete the explanation
- Like what? – he smiled, lowering his head between my hips in manner to say hello to his “ally”
- You… why are you doing it? – I asked, but the answer formed again within myself – he just wanted to have some fun, while his father can’t watch him. To strengthen himself in this small victory upon my naive sincere heart with a triumph upon my body. He didn’t feel anything for me, it was just obvious. That hurt me the most, because much more than all this stroking and kissing I needed to be loved, felt for… not just used for fun like a senseless puppet.
- Because I want you and you want me, that is a normal desire of human’s body to reach hypersensorical delight with short unification with another… - he lowered my pants to uncover my member, that was betraingly sticking out. As he did it, he softly touched it with his hot tongue and all I could say was a moaning “uuuuummm…” that made all my objections impossible. My body was my main rival now, when his fingers reached into my entrance for some special spot and my mind was totally against the actions he was going to commit. In that sexual haze of pain I couldn’t clearly distinguish the moment he got inside me. Only tears came out of me as I bite my lips to blood not to cry and griped the sheet, breathing in the rhythm of his pushing-and-pulling. His hand clutched tight on my member, and after a minute we came simultaneously…
I felt so disgusted as I never did in my life. His sperm was somewhere down inside my belly, but it seemed that if I could, I’d voimit it out right out of the window. He fell asleep quite fast, after gulping all this thing that came out of me… was it solidarity or another sign of victory? I don’t care now. At last I can smoke. One after another… with delicious martini, that you presented me long ago. That all was some forbidden delight, but it cannot be now, when I allowed this boy to take me that easy… I’m drunk… when you’re drunk, the stars look brighter and closer, and these six stores are not so high to fall from, so I don’t regret for these small pieces of ash that leave my cigarette now for a long trip into cold air.
He did it. I was the first one, I know that, but I also know that I’m just another mark in “done things” in his life, that is much bigger than mine. He’s the one, who may change the world, and I’m just a good-looking guy for one night. But still I know, that I didn’t loose this battle completely – because, ah, chief, you don’t know, and I do now, that your son doesn’t have a heart…